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David Copperfield

by Charles Dickens

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DAVID COPPERFIELD


by CHARLES DICKENS



AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED TO
THE HON   Mr  AND Mrs  RICHARD WATSON 
OF ROCKINGHAM  NORTHAMPTONSHIRE 



CONTENTS


I       I Am Born
II      I Observe
III     I Have a Change
IV      I Fall into Disgrace
V       I Am Sent Away
VI      I Enlarge My Circle of Acquaintance
VII     My  First Half  at Salem House
VIII    My Holidays   Especially One Happy Afternoon
IX      I Have a Memorable Birthday
X       I Become Neglected  and Am Provided For
XI      I Begin Life on My Own Account  and Don t Like It
XII     Liking Life on My Own Account No Better  I Form a Great Resolution
XIII    The Sequel of My Resolution
XIV     My Aunt Makes up Her Mind About Me
XV      I Make Another Beginning
XVI     I Am a New Boy in More Senses Than One
XVII    Somebody Turns Up
XVIII   A Retrospect
XIX     I Look About Me and Make a Discovery
XX      Steerforth s Home
XXI     Little Em ly
XXII    Some Old Scenes  and Some New People
XXIII   I Corroborate Mr  Dick  and Choose a Profession
XXIV    My First Dissipation
XXV     Good and Bad Angels
XXVI    I Fall into Captivity
XXVII   Tommy Traddles
XXVIII  Mr  Micawber s Gauntlet
XXIX    I Visit Steerforth at His Home  Again
XXX     A Loss
XXXI    A Greater Loss
XXXII   The Beginning of a Long Journey
XXXIII  Blissful
XXXIV   My Aunt Astonishes Me
XXXV    Depression
XXXVI   Enthusiasm
XXXVII   A Little Cold Water
XXXVIII  A Dissolution of Partnership
XXXIX    Wickfield and Heep
XL       The Wanderer
XLI      Dora s Aunts
XLII     Mischief
XLIII    Another Retrospect
XLIV     Our Housekeeping
XLV      Mr  Dick Fulfils My Aunt s Predictions
XLVI     Intelligence
XLVII    Martha
XLVIII   Domestic
XLIX     I Am Involved in Mystery
L        Mr  Peggotty s Dream Comes True
LI       The Beginning of a Longer Journey
LII      I Assist at an Explosion
LIII     Another Retrospect
LIV      Mr  Micawber s Transactions
LV       Tempest
LVI      The New Wound  and the Old
LVII     The Emigrants
LVIII    Absence
LIX      Return
LX       Agnes
LXI      I Am Shown Two Interesting Penitents
LXII     A Light Shines on My Way
LXIII    A Visitor
LXIV     A Last Retrospect




PREFACE TO      EDITION


I do not find it easy to get sufficiently far away from this Book 
in the first sensations of having finished it  to refer to it with
the composure which this formal heading would seem to require   My
interest in it  is so recent and strong  and my mind is so divided
between pleasure and regret   pleasure in the achievement of a long
design  regret in the separation from many companions   that I am
in danger of wearying the reader whom I love  with personal
confidences  and private emotions 

Besides which  all that I could say of the Story  to any purpose 
I have endeavoured to say in it 

It would concern the reader little  perhaps  to know  how
sorrowfully the pen is laid down at the close of a two years 
imaginative task  or how an Author feels as if he were dismissing
some portion of himself into the shadowy world  when a crowd of the
creatures of his brain are going from him for ever   Yet  I have
nothing else to tell  unless  indeed  I were to confess  which
might be of less moment still  that no one can ever believe this
Narrative  in the reading  more than I have believed it in the
writing 

Instead of looking back  therefore  I will look forward   I cannot
close this Volume more agreeably to myself  than with a hopeful
glance towards the time when I shall again put forth my two green
leaves once a month  and with a faithful remembrance of the genial
sun and showers that have fallen on these leaves of David
Copperfield  and made me happy 
     London  October       


PREFACE TO
THE CHARLES DICKENS EDITION


I REMARKED in the original Preface to this Book  that I did not
find it easy to get sufficiently far away from it  in the first
sensations of having finished it  to refer to it with the composure
which this formal heading would seem to require   My interest in it
was so recent and strong  and my mind was so divided between
pleasure and regret   pleasure in the achievement of a long design 
regret in the separation from many companions   that I was in
danger of wearying the reader with personal confidences and private
emotions 

Besides which  all that I could have said of the Story to any
purpose  I had endeavoured to say in it 

It would concern the reader little  perhaps  to know how
sorrowfully the pen is laid down at the close of a two years 
imaginative task  or how an Author feels as if he were dismissing
some portion of himself into the shadowy world  when a crowd of the
creatures of his brain are going from him for ever   Yet  I had
nothing else to tell  unless  indeed  I were to confess  which
might be of less moment still   that no one can ever believe this
Narrative  in the reading  more than I believed it in the writing 

So true are these avowals at the present day  that I can now only
take the reader into one confidence more   Of all my books  I like
this the best   It will be easily believed that I am a fond parent
to every child of my fancy  and that no one can ever love that
family as dearly as I love them   But  like many fond parents  I
have in my heart of hearts a favourite child   And his name is
DAVID COPPERFIELD 
         




THE PERSONAL HISTORY AND
EXPERIENCE OF
DAVID COPPERFIELD THE YOUNGER



CHAPTER  
I AM BORN



Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life  or whether
that station will be held by anybody else  these pages must show 
To begin my life with the beginning of my life  I record that I was
born  as I have been informed and believe  on a Friday  at twelve
o clock at night   It was remarked that the clock began to strike 
and I began to cry  simultaneously 

In consideration of the day and hour of my birth  it was declared
by the nurse  and by some sage women in the neighbourhood who had
taken a lively interest in me several months before there was any
possibility of our becoming personally acquainted  first  that I
was destined to be unlucky in life  and secondly  that I was
privileged to see ghosts and spirits  both these gifts inevitably
attaching  as they believed  to all unlucky infants of either
gender  born towards the small hours on a Friday night 

I need say nothing here  on the first head  because nothing can
show better than my history whether that prediction was verified or
falsified by the result   On the second branch of the question  I
will only remark  that unless I ran through that part of my
inheritance while I was still a baby  I have not come into it yet 
But I do not at all complain of having been kept out of this
property  and if anybody else should be in the present enjoyment of
it  he is heartily welcome to keep it 

I was born with a caul  which was advertised for sale  in the
newspapers  at the low price of fifteen guineas   Whether sea going
people were short of money about that time  or were short of faith
and preferred cork jackets  I don t know  all I know is  that there
was but one solitary bidding  and that was from an attorney
connected with the bill broking business  who offered two pounds in
cash  and the balance in sherry  but declined to be guaranteed from
drowning on any higher bargain   Consequently the advertisement was
withdrawn at a dead loss   for as to sherry  my poor dear mother s
own sherry was in the market then   and ten years afterwards  the
caul was put up in a raffle down in our part of the country  to
fifty members at half a crown a head  the winner to spend five
shillings   I was present myself  and I remember to have felt quite
uncomfortable and confused  at a part of myself being disposed of
in that way   The caul was won  I recollect  by an old lady with a
hand basket  who  very reluctantly  produced from it the stipulated
five shillings  all in halfpence  and twopence halfpenny short   as
it took an immense time and a great waste of arithmetic  to
endeavour without any effect to prove to her   It is a fact which
will be long remembered as remarkable down there  that she was
never drowned  but died triumphantly in bed  at ninety two   I have
understood that it was  to the last  her proudest boast  that she
never had been on the water in her life  except upon a bridge  and
that over her tea  to which she was extremely partial  she  to the
last  expressed her indignation at the impiety of mariners and
others  who had the presumption to go  meandering  about the world 
It was in vain to represent to her that some conveniences  tea
perhaps included  resulted from this objectionable practice   She
always returned  with greater emphasis and with an instinctive
knowledge of the strength of her objection   Let us have no
meandering  

Not to meander myself  at present  I will go back to my birth 

I was born at Blunderstone  in Suffolk  or  there by   as they say
in Scotland   I was a posthumous child   My father s eyes had
closed upon the light of this world six months  when mine opened on
it   There is something strange to me  even now  in the reflection
that he never saw me  and something stranger yet in the shadowy
remembrance that I have of my first childish associations with his
white grave stone in the churchyard  and of the indefinable
compassion I used to feel for it lying out alone there in the dark
night  when our little parlour was warm and bright with fire and
candle  and the doors of our house were   almost cruelly  it seemed
to me sometimes   bolted and locked against it 

An aunt of my father s  and consequently a great aunt of mine  of
whom I shall have more to relate by and by  was the principal
magnate of our family   Miss Trotwood  or Miss Betsey  as my poor
mother always called her  when she sufficiently overcame her dread
of this formidable personage to mention her at all  which was
seldom   had been married to a husband younger than herself  who
was very handsome  except in the sense of the homely adage 
 handsome is  that handsome does    for he was strongly suspected
of having beaten Miss Betsey  and even of having once  on a
disputed question of supplies  made some hasty but determined
arrangements to throw her out of a two pair of stairs  window 
These evidences of an incompatibility of temper induced Miss Betsey
to pay him off  and effect a separation by mutual consent   He went
to India with his capital  and there  according to a wild legend in
our family  he was once seen riding on an elephant  in company with
a Baboon  but I think it must have been a Baboo   or a Begum 
Anyhow  from India tidings of his death reached home  within ten
years   How they affected my aunt  nobody knew  for immediately
upon the separation  she took her maiden name again  bought a
cottage in a hamlet on the sea coast a long way off  established
herself there as a single woman with one servant  and was
understood to live secluded  ever afterwards  in an inflexible
retirement 

My father had once been a favourite of hers  I believe  but she was
mortally affronted by his marriage  on the ground that my mother
was  a wax doll    She had never seen my mother  but she knew her
to be not yet twenty   My father and Miss Betsey never met again 
He was double my mother s age when he married  and of but a
delicate constitution   He died a year afterwards  and  as I have
said  six months before I came into the world 

This was the state of matters  on the afternoon of  what I may be
excused for calling  that eventful and important Friday   I can
make no claim therefore to have known  at that time  how matters
stood  or to have any remembrance  founded on the evidence of my
own senses  of what follows 

My mother was sitting by the fire  but poorly in health  and very
low in spirits  looking at it through her tears  and desponding
heavily about herself and the fatherless little stranger  who was
already welcomed by some grosses of prophetic pins  in a drawer
upstairs  to a world not at all excited on the subject of his
arrival  my mother  I say  was sitting by the fire  that bright 
windy March afternoon  very timid and sad  and very doubtful of
ever coming alive out of the trial that was before her  when 
lifting her eyes as she dried them  to the window opposite  she saw
a strange lady coming up the garden 

MY mother had a sure foreboding at the second glance  that it was
Miss Betsey   The setting sun was glowing on the strange lady  over
the garden fence  and she came walking up to the door with a fell
rigidity of figure and composure of countenance that could have
belonged to nobody else 

When she reached the house  she gave another proof of her identity 
My father had often hinted that she seldom conducted herself like
any ordinary Christian  and now  instead of ringing the bell  she
came and looked in at that identical window  pressing the end of
her nose against the glass to that extent  that my poor dear mother
used to say it became perfectly flat and white in a moment 

She gave my mother such a turn  that I have always been convinced
I am indebted to Miss Betsey for having been born on a Friday 

My mother had left her chair in her agitation  and gone behind it
in the corner   Miss Betsey  looking round the room  slowly and
inquiringly  began on the other side  and carried her eyes on  like
a Saracen s Head in a Dutch clock  until they reached my mother 
Then she made a frown and a gesture to my mother  like one who was
accustomed to be obeyed  to come and open the door   My mother
went 

 Mrs  David Copperfield  I think   said Miss Betsey  the emphasis
referring  perhaps  to my mother s mourning weeds  and her
condition 

 Yes   said my mother  faintly 

 Miss Trotwood   said the visitor    You have heard of her  I dare
say  

My mother answered she had had that pleasure   And she had a
disagreeable consciousness of not appearing to imply that it had
been an overpowering pleasure 

 Now you see her   said Miss Betsey   My mother bent her head  and
begged her to walk in 

They went into the parlour my mother had come from  the fire in the
best room on the other side of the passage not being lighted   not
having been lighted  indeed  since my father s funeral  and when
they were both seated  and Miss Betsey said nothing  my mother 
after vainly trying to restrain herself  began to cry 
 Oh tut  tut  tut   said Miss Betsey  in a hurry    Don t do that 
Come  come  

My mother couldn t help it notwithstanding  so she cried until she
had had her cry out 

 Take off your cap  child   said Miss Betsey   and let me see you  

MY mother was too much afraid of her to refuse compliance with this
odd request  if she had any disposition to do so   Therefore she
did as she was told  and did it with such nervous hands that her
hair  which was luxuriant and beautiful  fell all about her face 

 Why  bless my heart   exclaimed Miss Betsey    You are a very
Baby  

My mother was  no doubt  unusually youthful in appearance even for
her years  she hung her head  as if it were her fault  poor thing 
and said  sobbing  that indeed she was afraid she was but a
childish widow  and would be but a childish mother if she lived 
In a short pause which ensued  she had a fancy that she felt Miss
Betsey touch her hair  and that with no ungentle hand  but  looking
at her  in her timid hope  she found that lady sitting with the
skirt of her dress tucked up  her hands folded on one knee  and her
feet upon the fender  frowning at the fire 

 In the name of Heaven   said Miss Betsey  suddenly   why Rookery  

 Do you mean the house  ma am   asked my mother 

 Why Rookery   said Miss Betsey    Cookery would have been more to
the purpose  if you had had any practical ideas of life  either of
you  

 The name was Mr  Copperfield s choice   returned my mother    When
he bought the house  he liked to think that there were rooks about
it  

The evening wind made such a disturbance just now  among some tall
old elm trees at the bottom of the garden  that neither my mother
nor Miss Betsey could forbear glancing that way   As the elms bent
to one another  like giants who were whispering secrets  and after
a few seconds of such repose  fell into a violent flurry  tossing
their wild arms about  as if their late confidences were really too
wicked for their peace of mind  some weatherbeaten ragged old
rooks  nests  burdening their higher branches  swung like wrecks
upon a stormy sea 

 Where are the birds   asked Miss Betsey 

 The     My mother had been thinking of something else 

 The rooks   what has become of them   asked Miss Betsey 

 There have not been any since we have lived here   said my mother 
 We thought   Mr  Copperfield thought   it was quite a large
rookery  but the nests were very old ones  and the birds have
deserted them a long while  

 David Copperfield all over   cried Miss Betsey    David
Copperfield from head to foot   Calls a house a rookery when
there s not a rook near it  and takes the birds on trust  because
he sees the nests  

 Mr  Copperfield   returned my mother   is dead  and if you dare to
speak unkindly of him to me   

My poor dear mother  I suppose  had some momentary intention of
committing an assault and battery upon my aunt  who could easily
have settled her with one hand  even if my mother had been in far
better training for such an encounter than she was that evening 
But it passed with the action of rising from her chair  and she sat
down again very meekly  and fainted 

When she came to herself  or when Miss Betsey had restored her 
whichever it was  she found the latter standing at the window   The
twilight was by this time shading down into darkness  and dimly as
they saw each other  they could not have done that without the aid
of the fire 

 Well   said Miss Betsey  coming back to her chair  as if she had
only been taking a casual look at the prospect   and when do you
expect   

 I am all in a tremble   faltered my mother    I don t know what s
the matter   I shall die  I am sure  

 No  no  no   said Miss Betsey    Have some tea  

 Oh dear me  dear me  do you think it will do me any good   cried
my mother in a helpless manner 

 Of course it will   said Miss Betsey    It s nothing but fancy 
What do you call your girl  

 I don t know that it will be a girl  yet  ma am   said my mother
innocently 

 Bless the Baby   exclaimed Miss Betsey  unconsciously quoting the
second sentiment of the pincushion in the drawer upstairs  but
applying it to my mother instead of me   I don t mean that   I mean
your servant girl  

 Peggotty   said my mother 

 Peggotty   repeated Miss Betsey  with some indignation    Do you
mean to say  child  that any human being has gone into a Christian
church  and got herself named Peggotty  
 It s her surname   said my mother  faintly    Mr  Copperfield
called her by it  because her Christian name was the same as mine  

 Here   Peggotty   cried Miss Betsey  opening the parlour door 
 Tea   Your mistress is a little unwell   Don t dawdle  

Having issued this mandate with as much potentiality as if she had
been a recognized authority in the house ever since it had been a
house  and having looked out to confront the amazed Peggotty coming
along the passage with a candle at the sound of a strange voice 
Miss Betsey shut the door again  and sat down as before  with her
feet on the fender  the skirt of her dress tucked up  and her hands
folded on one knee 

 You were speaking about its being a girl   said Miss Betsey    I
have no doubt it will be a girl   I have a presentiment that it
must be a girl   Now child  from the moment of the birth of this
girl   

 Perhaps boy   my mother took the liberty of putting in 

 I tell you I have a presentiment that it must be a girl   returned
Miss Betsey    Don t contradict   From the moment of this girl s
birth  child  I intend to be her friend   I intend to be her
godmother  and I beg you ll call her Betsey Trotwood Copperfield 
There must be no mistakes in life with THIS Betsey Trotwood   There
must be no trifling with HER affections  poor dear   She must be
well brought up  and well guarded from reposing any foolish
confidences where they are not deserved   I must make that MY
care  

There was a twitch of Miss Betsey s head  after each of these
sentences  as if her own old wrongs were working within her  and
she repressed any plainer reference to them by strong constraint 
So my mother suspected  at least  as she observed her by the low
glimmer of the fire  too much scared by Miss Betsey  too uneasy in
herself  and too subdued and bewildered altogether  to observe
anything very clearly  or to know what to say 

 And was David good to you  child   asked Miss Betsey  when she had
been silent for a little while  and these motions of her head had
gradually ceased    Were you comfortable together  

 We were very happy   said my mother    Mr  Copperfield was only
too good to me  

 What  he spoilt you  I suppose   returned Miss Betsey 

 For being quite alone and dependent on myself in this rough world
again  yes  I fear he did indeed   sobbed my mother 

 Well   Don t cry   said Miss Betsey    You were not equally
matched  child   if any two people can be equally matched   and so
I asked the question   You were an orphan  weren t you  
 Yes  

 And a governess  

 I was nursery governess in a family where Mr  Copperfield came to
visit   Mr  Copperfield was very kind to me  and took a great deal
of notice of me  and paid me a good deal of attention  and at last
proposed to me   And I accepted him   And so we were married   said
my mother simply 

 Ha   Poor Baby   mused Miss Betsey  with her frown still bent upon
the fire    Do you know anything  

 I beg your pardon  ma am   faltered my mother 

 About keeping house  for instance   said Miss Betsey 

 Not much  I fear   returned my mother    Not so much as I could
wish   But Mr  Copperfield was teaching me   

  Much he knew about it himself    said Miss Betsey in a
parenthesis 

   And I hope I should have improved  being very anxious to learn 
and he very patient to teach me  if the great misfortune of his
death    my mother broke down again here  and could get no farther 

 Well  well   said Miss Betsey 

  I kept my housekeeping book regularly  and balanced it with Mr 
Copperfield every night   cried my mother in another burst of
distress  and breaking down again 

 Well  well   said Miss Betsey    Don t cry any more  

   And I am sure we never had a word of difference respecting it 
except when Mr  Copperfield objected to my threes and fives being
too much like each other  or to my putting curly tails to my sevens
and nines   resumed my mother in another burst  and breaking down
again 

 You ll make yourself ill   said Miss Betsey   and you know that
will not be good either for you or for my god daughter   Come   You
mustn t do it  

This argument had some share in quieting my mother  though her
increasing indisposition had a larger one   There was an interval
of silence  only broken by Miss Betsey s occasionally ejaculating
 Ha   as she sat with her feet upon the fender 

 David had bought an annuity for himself with his money  I know  
said she  by and by    What did he do for you  

 Mr  Copperfield   said my mother  answering with some difficulty 
 was so considerate and good as to secure the reversion of a part
of it to me  

 How much   asked Miss Betsey 

 A hundred and five pounds a year   said my mother 

 He might have done worse   said my aunt 

The word was appropriate to the moment   My mother was so much
worse that Peggotty  coming in with the teaboard and candles  and
seeing at a glance how ill she was    as Miss Betsey might have
done sooner if there had been light enough    conveyed her upstairs
to her own room with all speed  and immediately dispatched Ham
Peggotty  her nephew  who had been for some days past secreted in
the house  unknown to my mother  as a special messenger in case of
emergency  to fetch the nurse and doctor 

Those allied powers were considerably astonished  when they arrived
within a few minutes of each other  to find an unknown lady of
portentous appearance  sitting before the fire  with her bonnet
tied over her left arm  stopping her ears with jewellers  cotton 
Peggotty knowing nothing about her  and my mother saying nothing
about her  she was quite a mystery in the parlour  and the fact of
her having a magazine of jewellers  cotton in her pocket  and
sticking the article in her ears in that way  did not detract from
the solemnity of her presence 

The doctor having been upstairs and come down again  and having
satisfied himself  I suppose  that there was a probability of this
unknown lady and himself having to sit there  face to face  for
some hours  laid himself out to be polite and social   He was the
meekest of his sex  the mildest of little men   He sidled in and
out of a room  to take up the less space   He walked as softly as
the Ghost in Hamlet  and more slowly   He carried his head on one
side  partly in modest depreciation of himself  partly in modest
propitiation of everybody else   It is nothing to say that he
hadn t a word to throw at a dog   He couldn t have thrown a word at
a mad dog   He might have offered him one gently  or half a one  or
a fragment of one  for he spoke as slowly as he walked  but he
wouldn t have been rude to him  and he couldn t have been quick
with him  for any earthly consideration 

Mr  Chillip  looking mildly at my aunt with his head on one side 
and making her a little bow  said  in allusion to the jewellers 
cotton  as he softly touched his left ear 

 Some local irritation  ma am  

 What   replied my aunt  pulling the cotton out of one ear like a
cork 

Mr  Chillip was so alarmed by her abruptness   as he told my mother
afterwards   that it was a mercy he didn t lose his presence of
mind   But he repeated sweetly 

 Some local irritation  ma am  

 Nonsense   replied my aunt  and corked herself again  at one blow 

Mr  Chillip could do nothing after this  but sit and look at her
feebly  as she sat and looked at the fire  until he was called
upstairs again   After some quarter of an hour s absence  he
returned 

 Well   said my aunt  taking the cotton out of the ear nearest to
him 

 Well  ma am   returned Mr  Chillip   we are  we are progressing
slowly  ma am  

 Ba  a  ah   said my aunt  with a perfect shake on the contemptuous
interjection   And corked herself as before 

Really   really   as Mr  Chillip told my mother  he was almost
shocked  speaking in a professional point of view alone  he was
almost shocked   But he sat and looked at her  notwithstanding  for
nearly two hours  as she sat looking at the fire  until he was
again called out   After another absence  he again returned 

 Well   said my aunt  taking out the cotton on that side again 

 Well  ma am   returned Mr  Chillip   we are   we are progressing
slowly  ma am  

 Ya  a  ah   said my aunt   With such a snarl at him  that Mr 
Chillip absolutely could not bear it   It was really calculated to
break his spirit  he said afterwards   He preferred to go and sit
upon the stairs  in the dark and a strong draught  until he was
again sent for 

Ham Peggotty  who went to the national school  and was a very
dragon at his catechism  and who may therefore be regarded as a
credible witness  reported next day  that happening to peep in at
the parlour door an hour after this  he was instantly descried by
Miss Betsey  then walking to and fro in a state of agitation  and
pounced upon before he could make his escape   That there were now
occasional sounds of feet and voices overhead which he inferred the
cotton did not exclude  from the circumstance of his evidently
being clutched by the lady as a victim on whom to expend her
superabundant agitation when the sounds were loudest   That 
marching him constantly up and down by the collar  as if he had
been taking too much laudanum   she  at those times  shook him 
rumpled his hair  made light of his linen  stopped his ears as if
she confounded them with her own  and otherwise tousled and
maltreated him   This was in part confirmed by his aunt  who saw
him at half past twelve o clock  soon after his release  and
affirmed that he was then as red as I was 

The mild Mr  Chillip could not possibly bear malice at such a time 
if at any time   He sidled into the parlour as soon as he was at
liberty  and said to my aunt in his meekest manner 

 Well  ma am  I am happy to congratulate you  

 What upon   said my aunt  sharply 

Mr  Chillip was fluttered again  by the extreme severity of my
aunt s manner  so he made her a little bow and gave her a little
smile  to mollify her 

 Mercy on the man  what s he doing   cried my aunt  impatiently 
 Can t he speak  

 Be calm  my dear ma am   said Mr  Chillip  in his softest accents 

 There is no longer any occasion for uneasiness  ma am   Be calm  

It has since been considered almost a miracle that my aunt didn t
shake him  and shake what he had to say  out of him   She only
shook her own head at him  but in a way that made him quail 

 Well  ma am   resumed Mr  Chillip  as soon as he had courage   I
am happy to congratulate you   All is now over  ma am  and well
over  

During the five minutes or so that Mr  Chillip devoted to the
delivery of this oration  my aunt eyed him narrowly 

 How is she   said my aunt  folding her arms with her bonnet still
tied on one of them 

 Well  ma am  she will soon be quite comfortable  I hope   returned
Mr  Chillip    Quite as comfortable as we can expect a young mother
to be  under these melancholy domestic circumstances   There cannot
be any objection to your seeing her presently  ma am   It may do
her good  

 And SHE   How is SHE   said my aunt  sharply 

Mr  Chillip laid his head a little more on one side  and looked at
my aunt like an amiable bird 

 The baby   said my aunt    How is she  

 Ma am   returned Mr  Chillip   I apprehended you had known   It s
a boy  

My aunt said never a word  but took her bonnet by the strings  in
the manner of a sling  aimed a blow at Mr  Chillip s head with it 
put it on bent  walked out  and never came back   She vanished like
a discontented fairy  or like one of those supernatural beings 
whom it was popularly supposed I was entitled to see  and never
came back any more 

No   I lay in my basket  and my mother lay in her bed  but Betsey
Trotwood Copperfield was for ever in the land of dreams and
shadows  the tremendous region whence I had so lately travelled 
and the light upon the window of our room shone out upon the
earthly bourne of all such travellers  and the mound above the
ashes and the dust that once was he  without whom I had never been 



CHAPTER  
I OBSERVE


The first objects that assume a distinct presence before me  as I
look far back  into the blank of my infancy  are my mother with her
pretty hair and youthful shape  and Peggotty with no shape at all 
and eyes so dark that they seemed to darken their whole
neighbourhood in her face  and cheeks and arms so hard and red that
I wondered the birds didn t peck her in preference to apples 

I believe I can remember these two at a little distance apart 
dwarfed to my sight by stooping down or kneeling on the floor  and
I going unsteadily from the one to the other   I have an impression
on my mind which I cannot distinguish from actual remembrance  of
the touch of Peggotty s forefinger as she used to hold it out to
me  and of its being roughened by needlework  like a pocket
nutmeg grater 

This may be fancy  though I think the memory of most of us can go
farther back into such times than many of us suppose  just as I
believe the power of observation in numbers of very young children
to be quite wonderful for its closeness and accuracy   Indeed  I
think that most grown men who are remarkable in this respect  may
with greater propriety be said not to have lost the faculty  than
to have acquired it  the rather  as I generally observe such men to
retain a certain freshness  and gentleness  and capacity of being
pleased  which are also an inheritance they have preserved from
their childhood 

I might have a misgiving that I am  meandering  in stopping to say
this  but that it brings me to remark that I build these
conclusions  in part upon my own experience of myself  and if it
should appear from anything I may set down in this narrative that
I was a child of close observation  or that as a man I have a
strong memory of my childhood  I undoubtedly lay claim to both of
these characteristics 

Looking back  as I was saying  into the blank of my infancy  the
first objects I can remember as standing out by themselves from a
confusion of things  are my mother and Peggotty   What else do I
remember   Let me see 


There comes out of the cloud  our house   not new to me  but quite
familiar  in its earliest remembrance   On the ground floor is
Peggotty s kitchen  opening into a back yard  with a pigeon house
on a pole  in the centre  without any pigeons in it  a great dog 
kennel in a corner  without any dog  and a quantity of fowls that
look terribly tall to me  walking about  in a menacing and
ferocious manner   There is one cock who gets upon a post to crow 
and seems to take particular notice of me as I look at him through
the kitchen window  who makes me shiver  he is so fierce   Of the
geese outside the side gate who come waddling after me with their
long necks stretched out when I go that way  I dream at night  as
a man environed by wild beasts might dream of lions 

Here is a long passage   what an enormous perspective I make of it 
  leading from Peggotty s kitchen to the front door   A dark
store room opens out of it  and that is a place to be run past at
night  for I don t know what may be among those tubs and jars and
old tea chests  when there is nobody in there with a dimly burning
light  letting a mouldy air come out of the door  in which there is
the smell of soap  pickles  pepper  candles  and coffee  all at one
whiff   Then there are the two parlours  the parlour in which we
sit of an evening  my mother and I and Peggotty   for Peggotty is
quite our companion  when her work is done and we are alone   and
the best parlour where we sit on a Sunday  grandly  but not so
comfortably   There is something of a doleful air about that room
to me  for Peggotty has told me   I don t know when  but apparently
ages ago   about my father s funeral  and the company having their
black cloaks put on   One Sunday night my mother reads to Peggotty
and me in there  how Lazarus was raised up from the dead   And I am
so frightened that they are afterwards obliged to take me out of
bed  and show me the quiet churchyard out of the bedroom window 
with the dead all lying in their graves at rest  below the solemn
moon 

There is nothing half so green that I know anywhere  as the grass
of that churchyard  nothing half so shady as its trees  nothing
half so quiet as its tombstones   The sheep are feeding there  when
I kneel up  early in the morning  in my little bed in a closet
within my mother s room  to look out at it  and I see the red light
shining on the sun dial  and think within myself   Is the sun dial
glad  I wonder  that it can tell the time again  

Here is our pew in the church   What a high backed pew   With a
window near it  out of which our house can be seen  and IS seen
many times during the morning s service  by Peggotty  who likes to
make herself as sure as she can that it s not being robbed  or is
not in flames   But though Peggotty s eye wanders  she is much
offended if mine does  and frowns to me  as I stand upon the seat 
that I am to look at the clergyman   But I can t always look at him
  I know him without that white thing on  and I am afraid of his
wondering why I stare so  and perhaps stopping the service to
inquire   and what am I to do   It s a dreadful thing to gape  but
I must do something   I look at my mother  but she pretends not to
see me   I look at a boy in the aisle  and he makes faces at me 
I look at the sunlight coming in at the open door through the
porch  and there I see a stray sheep   I don t mean a sinner  but
mutton   half making up his mind to come into the church   I feel
that if I looked at him any longer  I might be tempted to say
something out loud  and what would become of me then   I look up at
the monumental tablets on the wall  and try to think of Mr  Bodgers
late of this parish  and what the feelings of Mrs  Bodgers must
have been  when affliction sore  long time Mr  Bodgers bore  and
physicians were in vain   I wonder whether they called in Mr 
Chillip  and he was in vain  and if so  how he likes to be reminded
of it once a week   I look from Mr  Chillip  in his Sunday
neckcloth  to the pulpit  and think what a good place it would be
to play in  and what a castle it would make  with another boy
coming up the stairs to attack it  and having the velvet cushion
with the tassels thrown down on his head   In time my eyes
gradually shut up  and  from seeming to hear the clergyman singing
a drowsy song in the heat  I hear nothing  until I fall off the
seat with a crash  and am taken out  more dead than alive  by
Peggotty 

And now I see the outside of our house  with the latticed
bedroom windows standing open to let in the sweet smelling air  and
the ragged old rooks  nests still dangling in the elm trees at the
bottom of the front garden   Now I am in the garden at the back 
beyond the yard where the empty pigeon house and dog kennel are  
a very preserve of butterflies  as I remember it  with a high
fence  and a gate and padlock  where the fruit clusters on the
trees  riper and richer than fruit has ever been since  in any
other garden  and where my mother gathers some in a basket  while
I stand by  bolting furtive gooseberries  and trying to look
unmoved   A great wind rises  and the summer is gone in a moment 
We are playing in the winter twilight  dancing about the parlour 
When my mother is out of breath and rests herself in an
elbow chair  I watch her winding her bright curls round her
fingers  and straitening her waist  and nobody knows better than I
do that she likes to look so well  and is proud of being so pretty 

That is among my very earliest impressions   That  and a sense that
we were both a little afraid of Peggotty  and submitted ourselves
in most things to her direction  were among the first opinions   if
they may be so called   that I ever derived from what I saw 

Peggotty and I were sitting one night by the parlour fire  alone 
I had been reading to Peggotty about crocodiles   I must have read
very perspicuously  or the poor soul must have been deeply
interested  for I remember she had a cloudy impression  after I had
done  that they were a sort of vegetable   I was tired of reading 
and dead sleepy  but having leave  as a high treat  to sit up until
my mother came home from spending the evening at a neighbour s  I
would rather have died upon my post  of course  than have gone to
bed   I had reached that stage of sleepiness when Peggotty seemed
to swell and grow immensely large   I propped my eyelids open with
my two forefingers  and looked perseveringly at her as she sat at
work  at the little bit of wax candle she kept for her thread   how
old it looked  being so wrinkled in all directions    at the little
house with a thatched roof  where the yard measure lived  at her
work box with a sliding lid  with a view of St  Paul s Cathedral
 with a pink dome  painted on the top  at the brass thimble on her
finger  at herself  whom I thought lovely   I felt so sleepy  that
I knew if I lost sight of anything for a moment  I was gone 

 Peggotty   says I  suddenly   were you ever married  

 Lord  Master Davy   replied Peggotty    What s put marriage in
your head  

She answered with such a start  that it quite awoke me   And then
she stopped in her work  and looked at me  with her needle drawn
out to its thread s length 

 But WERE you ever married  Peggotty   says I    You are a very
handsome woman  an t you  

I thought her in a different style from my mother  certainly  but
of another school of beauty  I considered her a perfect example 
There was a red velvet footstool in the best parlour  on which my
mother had painted a nosegay   The ground work of that stool  and
Peggotty s complexion appeared to me to be one and the same thing 
The stool was smooth  and Peggotty was rough  but that made no
difference 

 Me handsome  Davy   said Peggotty    Lawk  no  my dear   But what
put marriage in your head  

 I don t know    You mustn t marry more than one person at a time 
may you  Peggotty  

 Certainly not   says Peggotty  with the promptest decision 

 But if you marry a person  and the person dies  why then you may
marry another person  mayn t you  Peggotty  

 YOU MAY   says Peggotty   if you choose  my dear   That s a matter
of opinion  

 But what is your opinion  Peggotty   said I 

I asked her  and looked curiously at her  because she looked so
curiously at me 

 My opinion is   said Peggotty  taking her eyes from me  after a
little indecision and going on with her work   that I never was
married myself  Master Davy  and that I don t expect to be   That s
all I know about the subject  

 You an t cross  I suppose  Peggotty  are you   said I  after
sitting quiet for a minute 

I really thought she was  she had been so short with me  but I was
quite mistaken  for she laid aside her work  which was a stocking
of her own   and opening her arms wide  took my curly head within
them  and gave it a good squeeze   I know it was a good squeeze 
because  being very plump  whenever she made any little exertion
after she was dressed  some of the buttons on the back of her gown
flew off   And I recollect two bursting to the opposite side of the
parlour  while she was hugging me 

 Now let me hear some more about the Crorkindills   said Peggotty 
who was not quite right in the name yet   for I an t heard half
enough  

I couldn t quite understand why Peggotty looked so queer  or why
she was so ready to go back to the crocodiles   However  we
returned to those monsters  with fresh wakefulness on my part  and
we left their eggs in the sand for the sun to hatch  and we ran
away from them  and baffled them by constantly turning  which they
were unable to do quickly  on account of their unwieldy make  and
we went into the water after them  as natives  and put sharp pieces
of timber down their throats  and in short we ran the whole
crocodile gauntlet   I did  at least  but I had my doubts of
Peggotty  who was thoughtfully sticking her needle into various
parts of her face and arms  all the time 

We had exhausted the crocodiles  and begun with the alligators 
when the garden bell rang   We went out to the door  and there was
my mother  looking unusually pretty  I thought  and with her a
gentleman with beautiful black hair and whiskers  who had walked
home with us from church last Sunday 

As my mother stooped down on the threshold to take me in her arms
and kiss me  the gentleman said I was a more highly privileged
little fellow than a monarch   or something like that  for my later
understanding comes  I am sensible  to my aid here 

 What does that mean   I asked him  over her shoulder 

He patted me on the head  but somehow  I didn t like him or his
deep voice  and I was jealous that his hand should touch my
mother s in touching me   which it did   I put it away  as well as
I could 

 Oh  Davy   remonstrated my mother 

 Dear boy   said the gentleman    I cannot wonder at his devotion  

I never saw such a beautiful colour on my mother s face before 
She gently chid me for being rude  and  keeping me close to her
shawl  turned to thank the gentleman for taking so much trouble as
to bring her home   She put out her hand to him as she spoke  and 
as he met it with his own  she glanced  I thought  at me 

 Let us say  good night   my fine boy   said the gentleman  when he
had bent his head   I saw him    over my mother s little glove 

 Good night   said I 

 Come   Let us be the best friends in the world   said the
gentleman  laughing    Shake hands  

My right hand was in my mother s left  so I gave him the other 

 Why  that s the Wrong hand  Davy   laughed the gentleman 

MY mother drew my right hand forward  but I was resolved  for my
former reason  not to give it him  and I did not   I gave him the
other  and he shook it heartily  and said I was a brave fellow  and
went away 

At this minute I see him turn round in the garden  and give us a
last look with his ill omened black eyes  before the door was shut 

Peggotty  who had not said a word or moved a finger  secured the
fastenings instantly  and we all went into the parlour   My mother 
contrary to her usual habit  instead of coming to the elbow chair
by the fire  remained at the other end of the room  and sat singing
to herself 

   Hope you have had a pleasant evening  ma am   said Peggotty 
standing as stiff as a barrel in the centre of the room  with a
candlestick in her hand 

 Much obliged to you  Peggotty   returned my mother  in a cheerful
voice   I have had a VERY pleasant evening  

 A stranger or so makes an agreeable change   suggested Peggotty 

 A very agreeable change  indeed   returned my mother 

Peggotty continuing to stand motionless in the middle of the room 
and my mother resuming her singing  I fell asleep  though I was not
so sound asleep but that I could hear voices  without hearing what
they said   When I half awoke from this uncomfortable doze  I found
Peggotty and my mother both in tears  and both talking 

 Not such a one as this  Mr  Copperfield wouldn t have liked   said
Peggotty    That I say  and that I swear  

 Good Heavens   cried my mother   you ll drive me mad   Was ever
any poor girl so ill used by her servants as I am   Why do I do
myself the injustice of calling myself a girl   Have I never been
married  Peggotty  

 God knows you have  ma am   returned Peggotty 
 Then  how can you dare   said my mother    you know I don t mean
how can you dare  Peggotty  but how can you have the heart   to
make me so uncomfortable and say such bitter things to me  when you
are well aware that I haven t  out of this place  a single friend
to turn to  

 The more s the reason   returned Peggotty   for saying that it
won t do   No   That it won t do   No   No price could make it do 
No     I thought Peggotty would have thrown the candlestick away 
she was so emphatic with it 

 How can you be so aggravating   said my mother  shedding more
tears than before   as to talk in such an unjust manner   How can
you go on as if it was all settled and arranged  Peggotty  when I
tell you over and over again  you cruel thing  that beyond the
commonest civilities nothing has passed   You talk of admiration 
What am I to do   If people are so silly as to indulge the
sentiment  is it my fault   What am I to do  I ask you   Would you
wish me to shave my head and black my face  or disfigure myself
with a burn  or a scald  or something of that sort   I dare say you
would  Peggotty   I dare say you d quite enjoy it  

Peggotty seemed to take this aspersion very much to heart  I
thought 

 And my dear boy   cried my mother  coming to the elbow chair in
which I was  and caressing me   my own little Davy   Is it to be
hinted to me that I am wanting in affection for my precious
treasure  the dearest little fellow that ever was  

 Nobody never went and hinted no such a thing   said Peggotty 

 You did  Peggotty   returned my mother    You know you did   What
else was it possible to infer from what you said  you unkind
creature  when you know as well as I do  that on his account only
last quarter I wouldn t buy myself a new parasol  though that old
green one is frayed the whole way up  and the fringe is perfectly
mangy   You know it is  Peggotty   You can t deny it    Then 
turning affectionately to me  with her cheek against mine   Am I a
naughty mama to you  Davy   Am I a nasty  cruel  selfish  bad mama 
Say I am  my child  say  yes   dear boy  and Peggotty will love
you  and Peggotty s love is a great deal better than mine  Davy 
I don t love you at all  do I  

At this  we all fell a crying together   I think I was the loudest
of the party  but I am sure we were all sincere about it   I was
quite heart broken myself  and am afraid that in the first
transports of wounded tenderness I called Peggotty a  Beast    That
honest creature was in deep affliction  I remember  and must have
become quite buttonless on the occasion  for a little volley of
those explosives went off  when  after having made it up with my
mother  she kneeled down by the elbow chair  and made it up with
me 

We went to bed greatly dejected   My sobs kept waking me  for a
long time  and when one very strong sob quite hoisted me up in bed 
I found my mother sitting on the coverlet  and leaning over me   I
fell asleep in her arms  after that  and slept soundly 

Whether it was the following Sunday when I saw the gentleman again 
or whether there was any greater lapse of time before he
reappeared  I cannot recall   I don t profess to be clear about
dates   But there he was  in church  and he walked home with us
afterwards   He came in  too  to look at a famous geranium we had 
in the parlour window   It did not appear to me that he took much
notice of it  but before he went he asked my mother to give him a
bit of the blossom   She begged him to choose it for himself  but
he refused to do that   I could not understand why   so she plucked
it for him  and gave it into his hand   He said he would never 
never part with it any more  and I thought he must be quite a fool
not to know that it would fall to pieces in a day or two 

Peggotty began to be less with us  of an evening  than she had
always been   My mother deferred to her very much   more than
usual  it occurred to me   and we were all three excellent friends 
still we were different from what we used to be  and were not so
comfortable among ourselves   Sometimes I fancied that Peggotty
perhaps objected to my mother s wearing all the pretty dresses she
had in her drawers  or to her going so often to visit at that
neighbour s  but I couldn t  to my satisfaction  make out how it
was 

Gradually  I became used to seeing the gentleman with the black
whiskers   I liked him no better than at first  and had the same
uneasy jealousy of him  but if I had any reason for it beyond a
child s instinctive dislike  and a general idea that Peggotty and
I could make much of my mother without any help  it certainly was
not THE reason that I might have found if I had been older   No
such thing came into my mind  or near it   I could observe  in
little pieces  as it were  but as to making a net of a number of
these pieces  and catching anybody in it  that was  as yet  beyond
me 

One autumn morning I was with my mother in the front garden  when
Mr  Murdstone   I knew him by that name now   came by  on
horseback   He reined up his horse to salute my mother  and said he
was going to Lowestoft to see some friends who were there with a
yacht  and merrily proposed to take me on the saddle before him if
I would like the ride 

The air was so clear and pleasant  and the horse seemed to like the
idea of the ride so much himself  as he stood snorting and pawing
at the garden gate  that I had a great desire to go   So I was sent
upstairs to Peggotty to be made spruce  and in the meantime Mr 
Murdstone dismounted  and  with his horse s bridle drawn over his
arm  walked slowly up and down on the outer side of the sweetbriar
fence  while my mother walked slowly up and down on the inner to
keep him company   I recollect Peggotty and I peeping out at them
from my little window  I recollect how closely they seemed to be
examining the sweetbriar between them  as they strolled along  and
how  from being in a perfectly angelic temper  Peggotty turned
cross in a moment  and brushed my hair the wrong way  excessively
hard 

Mr  Murdstone and I were soon off  and trotting along on the green
turf by the side of the road   He held me quite easily with one
arm  and I don t think I was restless usually  but I could not make
up my mind to sit in front of him without turning my head
sometimes  and looking up in his face   He had that kind of shallow
black eye   I want a better word to express an eye that has no
depth in it to be looked into   which  when it is abstracted  seems
from some peculiarity of light to be disfigured  for a moment at a
time  by a cast   Several times when I glanced at him  I observed
that appearance with a sort of awe  and wondered what he was
thinking about so closely   His hair and whiskers were blacker and
thicker  looked at so near  than even I had given them credit for
being   A squareness about the lower part of his face  and the
dotted indication of the strong black beard he shaved close every
day  reminded me of the wax work that had travelled into our
neighbourhood some half a year before   This  his regular eyebrows 
and the rich white  and black  and brown  of his complexion  
confound his complexion  and his memory    made me think him  in
spite of my misgivings  a very handsome man   I have no doubt that
my poor dear mother thought him so too 

We went to an hotel by the sea  where two gentlemen were smoking
cigars in a room by themselves   Each of them was lying on at least
four chairs  and had a large rough jacket on   In a corner was a
heap of coats and boat cloaks  and a flag  all bundled up together 

They both rolled on to their feet in an untidy sort of manner  when
we came in  and said   Halloa  Murdstone   We thought you were
dead  

 Not yet   said Mr  Murdstone 

 And who s this shaver   said one of the gentlemen  taking hold of
me 

 That s Davy   returned Mr  Murdstone 

 Davy who   said the gentleman    Jones  

 Copperfield   said Mr  Murdstone 

 What   Bewitching Mrs  Copperfield s encumbrance   cried the
gentleman    The pretty little widow  

 Quinion   said Mr  Murdstone   take care  if you please 
Somebody s sharp  

 Who is   asked the gentleman  laughing 
I looked up  quickly  being curious to know 

 Only Brooks of Sheffield   said Mr  Murdstone 

I was quite relieved to find that it was only Brooks of Sheffield 
for  at first  I really thought it was I 

There seemed to be something very comical in the reputation of Mr 
Brooks of Sheffield  for both the gentlemen laughed heartily when
he was mentioned  and Mr  Murdstone was a good deal amused also 
After some laughing  the gentleman whom he had called Quinion 
said 

 And what is the opinion of Brooks of Sheffield  in reference to
the projected business  

 Why  I don t know that Brooks understands much about it at
present   replied Mr  Murdstone   but he is not generally
favourable  I believe  

There was more laughter at this  and Mr  Quinion said he would ring
the bell for some sherry in which to drink to Brooks   This he did 
and when the wine came  he made me have a little  with a biscuit 
and  before I drank it  stand up and say   Confusion to Brooks of
Sheffield    The toast was received with great applause  and such
hearty laughter that it made me laugh too  at which they laughed
the more   In short  we quite enjoyed ourselves 

We walked about on the cliff after that  and sat on the grass  and
looked at things through a telescope   I could make out nothing
myself when it was put to my eye  but I pretended I could   and
then we came back to the hotel to an early dinner   All the time we
were out  the two gentlemen smoked incessantly   which  I thought 
if I might judge from the smell of their rough coats  they must
have been doing  ever since the coats had first come home from the
tailor s   I must not forget that we went on board the yacht  where
they all three descended into the cabin  and were busy with some
papers   I saw them quite hard at work  when I looked down through
the open skylight   They left me  during this time  with a very
nice man with a very large head of red hair and a very small shiny
hat upon it  who had got a cross barred shirt or waistcoat on  with
 Skylark  in capital letters across the chest   I thought it was
his name  and that as he lived on board ship and hadn t a street
door to put his name on  he put it there instead  but when I called
him Mr  Skylark  he said it meant the vessel 

I observed all day that Mr  Murdstone was graver and steadier than
the two gentlemen   They were very gay and careless   They joked
freely with one another  but seldom with him   It appeared to me
that he was more clever and cold than they were  and that they
regarded him with something of my own feeling   I remarked that 
once or twice when Mr  Quinion was talking  he looked at Mr 
Murdstone sideways  as if to make sure of his not being displeased 
and that once when Mr  Passnidge  the other gentleman  was in high
spirits  he trod upon his foot  and gave him a secret caution with
his eyes  to observe Mr  Murdstone  who was sitting stern and
silent   Nor do I recollect that Mr  Murdstone laughed at all that
day  except at the Sheffield joke   and that  by the by  was his
own 

We went home early in the evening   It was a very fine evening  and
my mother and he had another stroll by the sweetbriar  while I was
sent in to get my tea   When he was gone  my mother asked me all
about the day I had had  and what they had said and done   I
mentioned what they had said about her  and she laughed  and told
me they were impudent fellows who talked nonsense   but I knew it
pleased her   I knew it quite as well as I know it now   I took the
opportunity of asking if she was at all acquainted with Mr  Brooks
of Sheffield  but she answered No  only she supposed he must be a
manufacturer in the knife and fork way 

Can I say of her face   altered as I have reason to remember it 
perished as I know it is   that it is gone  when here it comes
before me at this instant  as distinct as any face that I may
choose to look on in a crowded street   Can I say of her innocent
and girlish beauty  that it faded  and was no more  when its breath
falls on my cheek now  as it fell that night   Can I say she ever
changed  when my remembrance brings her back to life  thus only 
and  truer to its loving youth than I have been  or man ever is 
still holds fast what it cherished then 

I write of her just as she was when I had gone to bed after this
talk  and she came to bid me good night   She kneeled down
playfully by the side of the bed  and laying her chin upon her
hands  and laughing  said 

 What was it they said  Davy   Tell me again   I can t believe it  

  Bewitching     I began 

My mother put her hands upon my lips to stop me 

 It was never bewitching   she said  laughing    It never could
have been bewitching  Davy   Now I know it wasn t  

 Yes  it was    Bewitching Mrs  Copperfield    I repeated stoutly 
 And   pretty   

 No  no  it was never pretty   Not pretty   interposed my mother 
laying her fingers on my lips again 

 Yes it was    Pretty little widow   

 What foolish  impudent creatures   cried my mother  laughing and
covering her face    What ridiculous men   An t they   Davy dear   

 Well  Ma  

 Don t tell Peggotty  she might be angry with them   I am
dreadfully angry with them myself  but I would rather Peggotty
didn t know  

I promised  of course  and we kissed one another over and over
again  and I soon fell fast asleep 

It seems to me  at this distance of time  as if it were the next
day when Peggotty broached the striking and adventurous proposition
I am about to mention  but it was probably about two months
afterwards 

We were sitting as before  one evening  when my mother was out as
before   in company with the stocking and the yard measure  and the
bit of wax  and the box with St  Paul s on the lid  and the
crocodile book  when Peggotty  after looking at me several times 
and opening her mouth as if she were going to speak  without doing
it   which I thought was merely gaping  or I should have been
rather alarmed   said coaxingly 

 Master Davy  how should you like to go along with me and spend a
fortnight at my brother s at Yarmouth   Wouldn t that be a treat  

 Is your brother an agreeable man  Peggotty   I inquired 
provisionally 

 Oh  what an agreeable man he is   cried Peggotty  holding up her
hands    Then there s the sea  and the boats and ships  and the
fishermen  and the beach  and Am to play with   

Peggotty meant her nephew Ham  mentioned in my first chapter  but
she spoke of him as a morsel of English Grammar 

I was flushed by her summary of delights  and replied that it would
indeed be a treat  but what would my mother say 

 Why then I ll as good as bet a guinea   said Peggotty  intent upon
my face   that she ll let us go   I ll ask her  if you like  as
soon as ever she comes home   There now  

 But what s she to do while we re away   said I  putting my small
elbows on the table to argue the point    She can t live by
herself  

If Peggotty were looking for a hole  all of a sudden  in the heel
of that stocking  it must have been a very little one indeed  and
not worth darning 

 I say   Peggotty   She can t live by herself  you know  

 Oh  bless you   said Peggotty  looking at me again at last 
 Don t you know   She s going to stay for a fortnight with Mrs 
Grayper   Mrs  Grayper s going to have a lot of company  

Oh   If that was it  I was quite ready to go   I waited  in the
utmost impatience  until my mother came home from Mrs  Grayper s
 for it was that identical neighbour   to ascertain if we could get
leave to carry out this great idea   Without being nearly so much
surprised as I had expected  my mother entered into it readily  and
it was all arranged that night  and my board and lodging during the
visit were to be paid for 

The day soon came for our going   It was such an early day that it
came soon  even to me  who was in a fever of expectation  and half
afraid that an earthquake or a fiery mountain  or some other great
convulsion of nature  might interpose to stop the expedition   We
were to go in a carrier s cart  which departed in the morning after
breakfast   I would have given any money to have been allowed to
wrap myself up over night  and sleep in my hat and boots 

It touches me nearly now  although I tell it lightly  to recollect
how eager I was to leave my happy home  to think how little I
suspected what I did leave for ever 

I am glad to recollect that when the carrier s cart was at the
gate  and my mother stood there kissing me  a grateful fondness for
her and for the old place I had never turned my back upon before 
made me cry   I am glad to know that my mother cried too  and that
I felt her heart beat against mine 

I am glad to recollect that when the carrier began to move  my
mother ran out at the gate  and called to him to stop  that she
might kiss me once more   I am glad to dwell upon the earnestness
and love with which she lifted up her face to mine  and did so 

As we left her standing in the road  Mr  Murdstone came up to where
she was  and seemed to expostulate with her for being so moved   I
was looking back round the awning of the cart  and wondered what
business it was of his   Peggotty  who was also looking back on the
other side  seemed anything but satisfied  as the face she brought
back in the cart denoted 

I sat looking at Peggotty for some time  in a reverie on this
supposititious case  whether  if she were employed to lose me like
the boy in the fairy tale  I should be able to track my way home
again by the buttons she would shed 



CHAPTER  
I HAVE A CHANGE


The carrier s horse was the laziest horse in the world  I should
hope  and shuffled along  with his head down  as if he liked to
keep people waiting to whom the packages were directed   I fancied 
indeed  that he sometimes chuckled audibly over this reflection 
but the carrier said he was only troubled with a cough 
The carrier had a way of keeping his head down  like his horse  and
of drooping sleepily forward as he drove  with one of his arms on
each of his knees   I say  drove   but it struck me that the cart
would have gone to Yarmouth quite as well without him  for the
horse did all that  and as to conversation  he had no idea of it
but whistling 

Peggotty had a basket of refreshments on her knee  which would have
lasted us out handsomely  if we had been going to London by the
same conveyance   We ate a good deal  and slept a good deal 
Peggotty always went to sleep with her chin upon the handle of the
basket  her hold of which never relaxed  and I could not have
believed unless I had heard her do it  that one defenceless woman
could have snored so much 

We made so many deviations up and down lanes  and were such a long
time delivering a bedstead at a public house  and calling at other
places  that I was quite tired  and very glad  when we saw
Yarmouth   It looked rather spongy and soppy  I thought  as I
carried my eye over the great dull waste that lay across the river 
and I could not help wondering  if the world were really as round
as my geography book said  how any part of it came to be so flat 
But I reflected that Yarmouth might be situated at one of the
poles  which would account for it 

As we drew a little nearer  and saw the whole adjacent prospect
lying a straight low line under the sky  I hinted to Peggotty that
a mound or so might have improved it  and also that if the land had
been a little more separated from the sea  and the town and the
tide had not been quite so much mixed up  like toast and water  it
would have been nicer   But Peggotty said  with greater emphasis
than usual  that we must take things as we found them  and that 
for her part  she was proud to call herself a Yarmouth Bloater 

When we got into the street  which was strange enough to me  and
smelt the fish  and pitch  and oakum  and tar  and saw the sailors
walking about  and the carts jingling up and down over the stones 
I felt that I had done so busy a place an injustice  and said as
much to Peggotty  who heard my expressions of delight with great
complacency  and told me it was well known  I suppose to those who
had the good fortune to be born Bloaters  that Yarmouth was  upon
the whole  the finest place in the universe 

 Here s my Am   screamed Peggotty   growed out of knowledge  

He was waiting for us  in fact  at the public house  and asked me
how I found myself  like an old acquaintance   I did not feel  at
first  that I knew him as well as he knew me  because he had never
come to our house since the night I was born  and naturally he had
the advantage of me   But our intimacy was much advanced by his
taking me on his back to carry me home   He was  now  a huge 
strong fellow of six feet high  broad in proportion  and
round shouldered  but with a simpering boy s face and curly light
hair that gave him quite a sheepish look   He was dressed in a
canvas jacket  and a pair of such very stiff trousers that they
would have stood quite as well alone  without any legs in them 
And you couldn t so properly have said he wore a hat  as that he
was covered in a top  like an old building  with something pitchy 

Ham carrying me on his back and a small box of ours under his arm 
and Peggotty carrying another small box of ours  we turned down
lanes bestrewn with bits of chips and little hillocks of sand  and
went past gas works  rope walks  boat builders  yards  shipwrights 
yards  ship breakers  yards  caulkers  yards  riggers  lofts 
smiths  forges  and a great litter of such places  until we came
out upon the dull waste I had already seen at a distance  when Ham
said 

 Yon s our house  Mas r Davy  

I looked in all directions  as far as I could stare over the
wilderness  and away at the sea  and away at the river  but no
house could I make out   There was a black barge  or some other
kind of superannuated boat  not far off  high and dry on the
ground  with an iron funnel sticking out of it for a chimney and
smoking very cosily  but nothing else in the way of a habitation
that was visible to me 

 That s not it   said I    That ship looking thing  

 That s it  Mas r Davy   returned Ham 

If it had been Aladdin s palace  roc s egg and all  I suppose I
could not have been more charmed with the romantic idea of living
in it   There was a delightful door cut in the side  and it was
roofed in  and there were little windows in it  but the wonderful
charm of it was  that it was a real boat which had no doubt been
upon the water hundreds of times  and which had never been intended
to be lived in  on dry land   That was the captivation of it to me 
If it had ever been meant to be lived in  I might have thought it
small  or inconvenient  or lonely  but never having been designed
for any such use  it became a perfect abode 

It was beautifully clean inside  and as tidy as possible   There
was a table  and a Dutch clock  and a chest of drawers  and on the
chest of drawers there was a tea tray with a painting on it of a
lady with a parasol  taking a walk with a military looking child
who was trundling a hoop   The tray was kept from tumbling down  by
a bible  and the tray  if it had tumbled down  would have smashed
a quantity of cups and saucers and a teapot that were grouped
around the book   On the walls there were some common coloured
pictures  framed and glazed  of scripture subjects  such as I have
never seen since in the hands of pedlars  without seeing the whole
interior of Peggotty s brother s house again  at one view   Abraham
in red going to sacrifice Isaac in blue  and Daniel in yellow cast
into a den of green lions  were the most prominent of these   Over
the little mantelshelf  was a picture of the  Sarah Jane  lugger 
built at Sunderland  with a real little wooden stern stuck on to
it  a work of art  combining composition with carpentry  which I
considered to be one of the most enviable possessions that the
world could afford   There were some hooks in the beams of the
ceiling  the use of which I did not divine then  and some lockers
and boxes and conveniences of that sort  which served for seats and
eked out the chairs 

All this I saw in the first glance after I crossed the threshold  
child like  according to my theory   and then Peggotty opened a
little door and showed me my bedroom   It was the completest and
most desirable bedroom ever seen   in the stern of the vessel  with
a little window  where the rudder used to go through  a little
looking glass  just the right height for me  nailed against the
wall  and framed with oyster shells  a little bed  which there was
just room enough to get into  and a nosegay of seaweed in a blue
mug on the table   The walls were whitewashed as white as milk  and
the patchwork counterpane made my eyes quite ache with its
brightness   One thing I particularly noticed in this delightful
house  was the smell of fish  which was so searching  that when I
took out my pocket handkerchief to wipe my nose  I found it smelt
exactly as if it had wrapped up a lobster   On my imparting this
discovery in confidence to Peggotty  she informed me that her
brother dealt in lobsters  crabs  and crawfish  and I afterwards
found that a heap of these creatures  in a state of wonderful
conglomeration with one another  and never leaving off pinching
whatever they laid hold of  were usually to be found in a little
wooden outhouse where the pots and kettles were kept 

We were welcomed by a very civil woman in a white apron  whom I had
seen curtseying at the door when I was on Ham s back  about a
quarter of a mile off   Likewise by a most beautiful little girl
 or I thought her so  with a necklace of blue beads on  who
wouldn t let me kiss her when I offered to  but ran away and hid
herself   By and by  when we had dined in a sumptuous manner off
boiled dabs  melted butter  and potatoes  with a chop for me  a
hairy man with a very good natured face came home   As he called
Peggotty  Lass   and gave her a hearty smack on the cheek  I had no
doubt  from the general propriety of her conduct  that he was her
brother  and so he turned out   being presently introduced to me as
Mr  Peggotty  the master of the house 

 Glad to see you  sir   said Mr  Peggotty    You ll find us rough 
sir  but you ll find us ready  

I thanked him  and replied that I was sure I should be happy in
such a delightful place 

 How s your Ma  sir   said Mr  Peggotty    Did you leave her pretty
jolly  

I gave Mr  Peggotty to understand that she was as jolly as I could
wish  and that she desired her compliments   which was a polite
fiction on my part 

 I m much obleeged to her  I m sure   said Mr  Peggotty    Well 
sir  if you can make out here  fur a fortnut   long wi  her  
nodding at his sister   and Ham  and little Em ly  we shall be
proud of your company  

Having done the honours of his house in this hospitable manner  Mr 
Peggotty went out to wash himself in a kettleful of hot water 
remarking that  cold would never get his muck off    He soon
returned  greatly improved in appearance  but so rubicund  that I
couldn t help thinking his face had this in common with the
lobsters  crabs  and crawfish    that it went into the hot water
very black  and came out very red 

After tea  when the door was shut and all was made snug  the nights
being cold and misty now   it seemed to me the most delicious
retreat that the imagination of man could conceive   To hear the
wind getting up out at sea  to know that the fog was creeping over
the desolate flat outside  and to look at the fire  and think that
there was no house near but this one  and this one a boat  was like
enchantment   Little Em ly had overcome her shyness  and was
sitting by my side upon the lowest and least of the lockers  which
was just large enough for us two  and just fitted into the chimney
corner   Mrs  Peggotty with the white apron  was knitting on the
opposite side of the fire   Peggotty at her needlework was as much
at home with St  Paul s and the bit of wax candle  as if they had
never known any other roof   Ham  who had been giving me my first
lesson in all fours  was trying to recollect a scheme of telling
fortunes with the dirty cards  and was printing off fishy
impressions of his thumb on all the cards he turned   Mr  Peggotty
was smoking his pipe   I felt it was a time for conversation and
confidence 

 Mr  Peggotty   says I 

 Sir   says he 

 Did you give your son the name of Ham  because you lived in a sort
of ark  

Mr  Peggotty seemed to think it a deep idea  but answered 

 No  sir   I never giv him no name  

 Who gave him that name  then   said I  putting question number two
of the catechism to Mr  Peggotty 

 Why  sir  his father giv it him   said Mr  Peggotty 

 I thought you were his father  

 My brother Joe was his father   said Mr  Peggotty 

 Dead  Mr  Peggotty   I hinted  after a respectful pause 

 Drowndead   said Mr  Peggotty 

I was very much surprised that Mr  Peggotty was not Ham s father 
and began to wonder whether I was mistaken about his relationship
to anybody else there   I was so curious to know  that I made up my
mind to have it out with Mr  Peggotty 

 Little Em ly   I said  glancing at her    She is your daughter 
isn t she  Mr  Peggotty  

 No  sir   My brother in law  Tom  was her father  

I couldn t help it      Dead  Mr  Peggotty   I hinted  after
another respectful silence 

 Drowndead   said Mr  Peggotty 

I felt the difficulty of resuming the subject  but had not got to
the bottom of it yet  and must get to the bottom somehow   So I
said 

 Haven t you ANY children  Mr  Peggotty  

 No  master   he answered with a short laugh    I m a bacheldore  

 A bachelor   I said  astonished    Why  who s that  Mr  Peggotty  
pointing to the person in the apron who was knitting 

 That s Missis Gummidge   said Mr  Peggotty 

 Gummidge  Mr  Peggotty  

But at this point Peggotty   I mean my own peculiar Peggotty   made
such impressive motions to me not to ask any more questions  that
I could only sit and look at all the silent company  until it was
time to go to bed   Then  in the privacy of my own little cabin 
she informed me that Ham and Em ly were an orphan nephew and niece 
whom my host had at different times adopted in their childhood 
when they were left destitute  and that Mrs  Gummidge was the widow
of his partner in a boat  who had died very poor   He was but a
poor man himself  said Peggotty  but as good as gold and as true as
steel   those were her similes   The only subject  she informed me 
on which he ever showed a violent temper or swore an oath  was this
generosity of his  and if it were ever referred to  by any one of
them  he struck the table a heavy blow with his right hand  had
split it on one such occasion   and swore a dreadful oath that he
would be  Gormed  if he didn t cut and run for good  if it was ever
mentioned again   It appeared  in answer to my inquiries  that
nobody had the least idea of the etymology of this terrible verb
passive to be gormed  but that they all regarded it as constituting
a most solemn imprecation 

I was very sensible of my entertainer s goodness  and listened to
the women s going to bed in another little crib like mine at the
opposite end of the boat  and to him and Ham hanging up two
hammocks for themselves on the hooks I had noticed in the roof  in
a very luxurious state of mind  enhanced by my being sleepy   As
slumber gradually stole upon me  I heard the wind howling out at
sea and coming on across the flat so fiercely  that I had a lazy
apprehension of the great deep rising in the night   But I
bethought myself that I was in a boat  after all  and that a man
like Mr  Peggotty was not a bad person to have on board if anything
did happen 

Nothing happened  however  worse than morning   Almost as soon as
it shone upon the oyster shell frame of my mirror I was out of bed 
and out with little Em ly  picking up stones upon the beach 

 You re quite a sailor  I suppose   I said to Em ly   I don t know
that I supposed anything of the kind  but I felt it an act of
gallantry to say something  and a shining sail close to us made
such a pretty little image of itself  at the moment  in her bright
eye  that it came into my head to say this 

 No   replied Em ly  shaking her head   I m afraid of the sea  

 Afraid   I said  with a becoming air of boldness  and looking very
big at the mighty ocean    I an t  

 Ah  but it s cruel   said Em ly    I have seen it very cruel to
some of our men   I have seen it tear a boat as big as our house 
all to pieces  

 I hope it wasn t the boat that   

 That father was drownded in   said Em ly    No   Not that one  I
never see that boat  

 Nor him   I asked her 

Little Em ly shook her head    Not to remember  

Here was a coincidence   I immediately went into an explanation how
I had never seen my own father  and how my mother and I had always
lived by ourselves in the happiest state imaginable  and lived so
then  and always meant to live so  and how my father s grave was in
the churchyard near our house  and shaded by a tree  beneath the
boughs of which I had walked and heard the birds sing many a
pleasant morning   But there were some differences between Em ly s
orphanhood and mine  it appeared   She had lost her mother before
her father  and where her father s grave was no one knew  except
that it was somewhere in the depths of the sea 

 Besides   said Em ly  as she looked about for shells and pebbles 
 your father was a gentleman and your mother is a lady  and my
father was a fisherman and my mother was a fisherman s daughter 
and my uncle Dan is a fisherman  

 Dan is Mr  Peggotty  is he   said I 

 Uncle Dan   yonder   answered Em ly  nodding at the boat house 

 Yes   I mean him   He must be very good  I should think  

 Good   said Em ly    If I was ever to be a lady  I d give him a
sky blue coat with diamond buttons  nankeen trousers  a red velvet
waistcoat  a cocked hat  a large gold watch  a silver pipe  and a
box of money  

I said I had no doubt that Mr  Peggotty well deserved these
treasures   I must acknowledge that I felt it difficult to picture
him quite at his ease in the raiment proposed for him by his
grateful little niece  and that I was particularly doubtful of the
policy of the cocked hat  but I kept these sentiments to myself 

Little Em ly had stopped and looked up at the sky in her
enumeration of these articles  as if they were a glorious vision 
We went on again  picking up shells and pebbles 

 You would like to be a lady   I said 

Emily looked at me  and laughed and nodded  yes  

 I should like it very much   We would all be gentlefolks together 
then   Me  and uncle  and Ham  and Mrs  Gummidge   We wouldn t mind
then  when there comes stormy weather     Not for our own sakes  I
mean   We would for the poor fishermen s  to be sure  and we d help
 em with money when they come to any hurt    This seemed to me to
be a very satisfactory and therefore not at all improbable picture 
I expressed my pleasure in the contemplation of it  and little
Em ly was emboldened to say  shyly 

 Don t you think you are afraid of the sea  now  

It was quiet enough to reassure me  but I have no doubt if I had
seen a moderately large wave come tumbling in  I should have taken
to my heels  with an awful recollection of her drowned relations 
However  I said  No   and I added   You don t seem to be either 
though you say you are     for she was walking much too near the
brink of a sort of old jetty or wooden causeway we had strolled
upon  and I was afraid of her falling over 

 I m not afraid in this way   said little Em ly    But I wake when
it blows  and tremble to think of Uncle Dan and Ham and believe I
hear  em crying out for help   That s why I should like so much to
be a lady   But I m not afraid in this way   Not a bit   Look
here  

She started from my side  and ran along a jagged timber which
protruded from the place we stood upon  and overhung the deep water
at some height  without the least defence   The incident is so
impressed on my remembrance  that if I were a draughtsman I could
draw its form here  I dare say  accurately as it was that day  and
little Em ly springing forward to her destruction  as it appeared
to me   with a look that I have never forgotten  directed far out
to sea 

The light  bold  fluttering little figure turned and came back safe
to me  and I soon laughed at my fears  and at the cry I had
uttered  fruitlessly in any case  for there was no one near   But
there have been times since  in my manhood  many times there have
been  when I have thought  Is it possible  among the possibilities
of hidden things  that in the sudden rashness of the child and her
wild look so far off  there was any merciful attraction of her into
danger  any tempting her towards him permitted on the part of her
dead father  that her life might have a chance of ending that day 
There has been a time since when I have wondered whether  if the
life before her could have been revealed to me at a glance  and so
revealed as that a child could fully comprehend it  and if her
preservation could have depended on a motion of my hand  I ought to
have held it up to save her   There has been a time since   I do
not say it lasted long  but it has been   when I have asked myself
the question  would it have been better for little Em ly to have
had the waters close above her head that morning in my sight  and
when I have answered Yes  it would have been 

This may be premature   I have set it down too soon  perhaps   But
let it stand 

We strolled a long way  and loaded ourselves with things that we
thought curious  and put some stranded starfish carefully back into
the water   I hardly know enough of the race at this moment to be
quite certain whether they had reason to feel obliged to us for
doing so  or the reverse   and then made our way home to Mr 
Peggotty s dwelling   We stopped under the lee of the
lobster outhouse to exchange an innocent kiss  and went in to
breakfast glowing with health and pleasure 

 Like two young mavishes   Mr  Peggotty said   I knew this meant 
in our local dialect  like two young thrushes  and received it as
a compliment 

Of course I was in love with little Em ly   I am sure I loved that
baby quite as truly  quite as tenderly  with greater purity and
more disinterestedness  than can enter into the best love of a
later time of life  high and ennobling as it is   I am sure my
fancy raised up something round that blue eyed mite of a child 
which etherealized  and made a very angel of her   If  any sunny
forenoon  she had spread a little pair of wings and flown away
before my eyes  I don t think I should have regarded it as much
more than I had had reason to expect 

We used to walk about that dim old flat at Yarmouth in a loving
manner  hours and hours   The days sported by us  as if Time had
not grown up himself yet  but were a child too  and always at play 
I told Em ly I adored her  and that unless she confessed she adored
me I should be reduced to the necessity of killing myself with a
sword   She said she did  and I have no doubt she did 

As to any sense of inequality  or youthfulness  or other difficulty
in our way  little Em ly and I had no such trouble  because we had
no future   We made no more provision for growing older  than we
did for growing younger   We were the admiration of Mrs  Gummidge
and Peggotty  who used to whisper of an evening when we sat 
lovingly  on our little locker side by side   Lor  wasn t it
beautiful    Mr  Peggotty smiled at us from behind his pipe  and
Ham grinned all the evening and did nothing else   They had
something of the sort of pleasure in us  I suppose  that they might
have had in a pretty toy  or a pocket model of the Colosseum 

I soon found out that Mrs  Gummidge did not always make herself so
agreeable as she might have been expected to do  under the
circumstances of her residence with Mr  Peggotty   Mrs  Gummidge s
was rather a fretful disposition  and she whimpered more sometimes
than was comfortable for other parties in so small an
establishment   I was very sorry for her  but there were moments
when it would have been more agreeable  I thought  if Mrs  Gummidge
had had a convenient apartment of her own to retire to  and had
stopped there until her spirits revived 

Mr  Peggotty went occasionally to a public house called The Willing
Mind   I discovered this  by his being out on the second or third
evening of our visit  and by Mrs  Gummidge s looking up at the
Dutch clock  between eight and nine  and saying he was there  and
that  what was more  she had known in the morning he would go
there 

Mrs  Gummidge had been in a low state all day  and had burst into
tears in the forenoon  when the fire smoked    I am a lone lorn
creetur    were Mrs  Gummidge s words  when that unpleasant
occurrence took place   and everythink goes contrary with me  

 Oh  it ll soon leave off   said Peggotty   I again mean our
Peggotty    and besides  you know  it s not more disagreeable to
you than to us  

 I feel it more   said Mrs  Gummidge 

It was a very cold day  with cutting blasts of wind   Mrs 
Gummidge s peculiar corner of the fireside seemed to me to be the
warmest and snuggest in the place  as her chair was certainly the
easiest  but it didn t suit her that day at all   She was
constantly complaining of the cold  and of its occasioning a
visitation in her back which she called  the creeps    At last she
shed tears on that subject  and said again that she was  a lone
lorn creetur  and everythink went contrary with her  

 It is certainly very cold   said Peggotty    Everybody must feel
it so  

 I feel it more than other people   said Mrs  Gummidge 

So at dinner  when Mrs  Gummidge was always helped immediately
after me  to whom the preference was given as a visitor of
distinction   The fish were small and bony  and the potatoes were
a little burnt   We all acknowledged that we felt this something of
a disappointment  but Mrs  Gummidge said she felt it more than we
did  and shed tears again  and made that former declaration with
great bitterness 

Accordingly  when Mr  Peggotty came home about nine o clock  this
unfortunate Mrs  Gummidge was knitting in her corner  in a very
wretched and miserable condition   Peggotty had been working
cheerfully   Ham had been patching up a great pair of waterboots 
and I  with little Em ly by my side  had been reading to them 
Mrs  Gummidge had never made any other remark than a forlorn sigh 
and had never raised her eyes since tea 

 Well  Mates   said Mr  Peggotty  taking his seat   and how are
you  

We all said something  or looked something  to welcome him  except
Mrs  Gummidge  who only shook her head over her knitting 

 What s amiss   said Mr  Peggotty  with a clap of his hands 
 Cheer up  old Mawther     Mr  Peggotty meant old girl  

Mrs  Gummidge did not appear to be able to cheer up   She took out
an old black silk handkerchief and wiped her eyes  but instead of
putting it in her pocket  kept it out  and wiped them again  and
still kept it out  ready for use 

 What s amiss  dame   said Mr  Peggotty 

 Nothing   returned Mrs  Gummidge    You ve come from The Willing
Mind  Dan l  

 Why yes  I ve took a short spell at The Willing Mind tonight  
said Mr  Peggotty 

 I m sorry I should drive you there   said Mrs  Gummidge 

 Drive   I don t want no driving   returned Mr  Peggotty with an
honest laugh    I only go too ready  

 Very ready   said Mrs  Gummidge  shaking her head  and wiping her
eyes    Yes  yes  very ready   I am sorry it should be along of me
that you re so ready  

 Along o  you   It an t along o  you   said Mr  Peggotty    Don t
ye believe a bit on it  

 Yes  yes  it is   cried Mrs  Gummidge    I know what I am   I know
that I am a lone lorn creetur   and not only that everythink goes
contrary with me  but that I go contrary with everybody   Yes  yes 
I feel more than other people do  and I show it more   It s my
misfortun   

I really couldn t help thinking  as I sat taking in all this  that
the misfortune extended to some other members of that family
besides Mrs  Gummidge   But Mr  Peggotty made no such retort  only
answering with another entreaty to Mrs  Gummidge to cheer up 

 I an t what I could wish myself to be   said Mrs  Gummidge    I am
far from it   I know what I am   My troubles has made me contrary 
I feel my troubles  and they make me contrary   I wish I didn t
feel  em  but I do   I wish I could be hardened to  em  but I an t 
I make the house uncomfortable   I don t wonder at it   I ve made
your sister so all day  and Master Davy  

Here I was suddenly melted  and roared out   No  you haven t  Mrs 
Gummidge   in great mental distress 

 It s far from right that I should do it   said Mrs  Gummidge    It
an t a fit return   I had better go into the house and die   I am
a lone lorn creetur   and had much better not make myself contrary
here   If thinks must go contrary with me  and I must go contrary
myself  let me go contrary in my parish   Dan l  I d better go into
the house  and die and be a riddance  

Mrs  Gummidge retired with these words  and betook herself to bed 
When she was gone  Mr  Peggotty  who had not exhibited a trace of
any feeling but the profoundest sympathy  looked round upon us  and
nodding his head with a lively expression of that sentiment still
animating his face  said in a whisper 

 She s been thinking of the old  un  

I did not quite understand what old one Mrs  Gummidge was supposed
to have fixed her mind upon  until Peggotty  on seeing me to bed 
explained that it was the late Mr  Gummidge  and that her brother
always took that for a received truth on such occasions  and that
it always had a moving effect upon him   Some time after he was in
his hammock that night  I heard him myself repeat to Ham   Poor
thing   She s been thinking of the old  un    And whenever Mrs 
Gummidge was overcome in a similar manner during the remainder of
our stay  which happened some few times   he always said the same
thing in extenuation of the circumstance  and always with the
tenderest commiseration 

So the fortnight slipped away  varied by nothing but the variation
of the tide  which altered Mr  Peggotty s times of going out and
coming in  and altered Ham s engagements also   When the latter was
unemployed  he sometimes walked with us to show us the boats and
ships  and once or twice he took us for a row   I don t know why
one slight set of impressions should be more particularly
associated with a place than another  though I believe this obtains
with most people  in reference especially to the associations of
their childhood   I never hear the name  or read the name  of
Yarmouth  but I am reminded of a certain Sunday morning on the
beach  the bells ringing for church  little Em ly leaning on my
shoulder  Ham lazily dropping stones into the water  and the sun 
away at sea  just breaking through the heavy mist  and showing us
the ships  like their own shadows 

At last the day came for going home   I bore up against the
separation from Mr  Peggotty and Mrs  Gummidge  but my agony of
mind at leaving little Em ly was piercing   We went arm in arm to
the public house where the carrier put up  and I promised  on the
road  to write to her    I redeemed that promise afterwards  in
characters larger than those in which apartments are usually
announced in manuscript  as being to let   We were greatly overcome
at parting  and if ever  in my life  I have had a void made in my
heart  I had one made that day 

Now  all the time I had been on my visit  I had been ungrateful to
my home again  and had thought little or nothing about it   But I
was no sooner turned towards it  than my reproachful young
conscience seemed to point that way with a ready finger  and I
felt  all the more for the sinking of my spirits  that it was my
nest  and that my mother was my comforter and friend 

This gained upon me as we went along  so that the nearer we drew 
the more familiar the objects became that we passed  the more
excited I was to get there  and to run into her arms   But
Peggotty  instead of sharing in those transports  tried to check
them  though very kindly   and looked confused and out of sorts 

Blunderstone Rookery would come  however  in spite of her  when the
carrier s horse pleased   and did   How well I recollect it  on a
cold grey afternoon  with a dull sky  threatening rain 

The door opened  and I looked  half laughing and half crying in my
pleasant agitation  for my mother   It was not she  but a strange
servant 

 Why  Peggotty   I said  ruefully   isn t she come home  

 Yes  yes  Master Davy   said Peggotty    She s come home   Wait a
bit  Master Davy  and I ll   I ll tell you something  

Between her agitation  and her natural awkwardness in getting out
of the cart  Peggotty was making a most extraordinary festoon of
herself  but I felt too blank and strange to tell her so   When she
had got down  she took me by the hand  led me  wondering  into the
kitchen  and shut the door 

 Peggotty   said I  quite frightened    What s the matter  

 Nothing s the matter  bless you  Master Davy dear   she answered 
assuming an air of sprightliness 

 Something s the matter  I m sure   Where s mama  

 Where s mama  Master Davy   repeated Peggotty 

 Yes   Why hasn t she come out to the gate  and what have we come
in here for   Oh  Peggotty    My eyes were full  and I felt as if
I were going to tumble down 

 Bless the precious boy   cried Peggotty  taking hold of me    What
is it   Speak  my pet  

 Not dead  too   Oh  she s not dead  Peggotty  

Peggotty cried out No  with an astonishing volume of voice  and
then sat down  and began to pant  and said I had given her a turn 

I gave her a hug to take away the turn  or to give her another turn
in the right direction  and then stood before her  looking at her
in anxious inquiry 

 You see  dear  I should have told you before now   said Peggotty 
 but I hadn t an opportunity   I ought to have made it  perhaps 
but I couldn t azackly    that was always the substitute for
exactly  in Peggotty s militia of words    bring my mind to it  

 Go on  Peggotty   said I  more frightened than before 

 Master Davy   said Peggotty  untying her bonnet with a shaking
hand  and speaking in a breathless sort of way    What do you
think   You have got a Pa  

I trembled  and turned white   Something   I don t know what  or
how   connected with the grave in the churchyard  and the raising
of the dead  seemed to strike me like an unwholesome wind 

 A new one   said Peggotty 

 A new one   I repeated 

Peggotty gave a gasp  as if she were swallowing something that was
very hard  and  putting out her hand  said 

 Come and see him  

 I don t want to see him  

   And your mama   said Peggotty 

I ceased to draw back  and we went straight to the best parlour 
where she left me   On one side of the fire  sat my mother  on the
other  Mr  Murdstone   My mother dropped her work  and arose
hurriedly  but timidly I thought 

 Now  Clara my dear   said Mr  Murdstone    Recollect  control
yourself  always control yourself   Davy boy  how do you do  

I gave him my hand   After a moment of suspense  I went and kissed
my mother  she kissed me  patted me gently on the shoulder  and sat
down again to her work   I could not look at her  I could not look
at him  I knew quite well that he was looking at us both  and I
turned to the window and looked out there  at some shrubs that were
drooping their heads in the cold 

As soon as I could creep away  I crept upstairs   My old dear
bedroom was changed  and I was to lie a long way off   I rambled
downstairs to find anything that was like itself  so altered it all
seemed  and roamed into the yard   I very soon started back from
there  for the empty dog kennel was filled up with a great dog  
deep mouthed and black haired like Him   and he was very angry at
the sight of me  and sprang out to get at me 



CHAPTER  
I FALL INTO DISGRACE


If the room to which my bed was removed were a sentient thing that
could give evidence  I might appeal to it at this day   who sleeps
there now  I wonder    to bear witness for me what a heavy heart I
carried to it   I went up there  hearing the dog in the yard bark
after me all the way while I climbed the stairs  and  looking as
blank and strange upon the room as the room looked upon me  sat
down with my small hands crossed  and thought 

I thought of the oddest things   Of the shape of the room  of the
cracks in the ceiling  of the paper on the walls  of the flaws in
the window glass making ripples and dimples on the prospect  of the
washing stand being rickety on its three legs  and having a
discontented something about it  which reminded me of Mrs  Gummidge
under the influence of the old one   I was crying all the time 
but  except that I was conscious of being cold and dejected  I am
sure I never thought why I cried   At last in my desolation I began
to consider that I was dreadfully in love with little Em ly  and
had been torn away from her to come here where no one seemed to
want me  or to care about me  half as much as she did   This made
such a very miserable piece of business of it  that I rolled myself
up in a corner of the counterpane  and cried myself to sleep 

I was awoke by somebody saying  Here he is   and uncovering my hot
head   My mother and Peggotty had come to look for me  and it was
one of them who had done it 

 Davy   said my mother    What s the matter  

I thought it was very strange that she should ask me  and answered 
 Nothing    I turned over on my face  I recollect  to hide my
trembling lip  which answered her with greater truth 
 Davy   said my mother    Davy  my child  

I dare say no words she could have uttered would have affected me
so much  then  as her calling me her child   I hid my tears in the
bedclothes  and pressed her from me with my hand  when she would
have raised me up 

 This is your doing  Peggotty  you cruel thing   said my mother 
 I have no doubt at all about it   How can you reconcile it to your
conscience  I wonder  to prejudice my own boy against me  or
against anybody who is dear to me   What do you mean by it 
Peggotty  

Poor Peggotty lifted up her hands and eyes  and only answered  in
a sort of paraphrase of the grace I usually repeated after dinner 
 Lord forgive you  Mrs  Copperfield  and for what you have said
this minute  may you never be truly sorry  

 It s enough to distract me   cried my mother    In my honeymoon 
too  when my most inveterate enemy might relent  one would think 
and not envy me a little peace of mind and happiness   Davy  you
naughty boy   Peggotty  you savage creature   Oh  dear me   cried
my mother  turning from one of us to the other  in her pettish
wilful manner   what a troublesome world this is  when one has the
most right to expect it to be as agreeable as possible  

I felt the touch of a hand that I knew was neither hers nor
Peggotty s  and slipped to my feet at the bed side   It was Mr 
Murdstone s hand  and he kept it on my arm as he said 

 What s this   Clara  my love  have you forgotten    Firmness  my
dear  

 I am very sorry  Edward   said my mother    I meant to be very
good  but I am so uncomfortable  

 Indeed   he answered    That s a bad hearing  so soon  Clara  

 I say it s very hard I should be made so now   returned my mother 
pouting   and it is   very hard   isn t it  

He drew her to him  whispered in her ear  and kissed her   I knew
as well  when I saw my mother s head lean down upon his shoulder 
and her arm touch his neck   I knew as well that he could mould her
pliant nature into any form he chose  as I know  now  that he did
it 

 Go you below  my love   said Mr  Murdstone    David and I will
come down  together   My friend   turning a darkening face on
Peggotty  when he had watched my mother out  and dismissed her with
a nod and a smile   do you know your mistress s name  

 She has been my mistress a long time  sir   answered Peggotty   I
ought to know it  
 That s true   he answered    But I thought I heard you  as I came
upstairs  address her by a name that is not hers   She has taken
mine  you know   Will you remember that  

Peggotty  with some uneasy glances at me  curtseyed herself out of
the room without replying  seeing  I suppose  that she was expected
to go  and had no excuse for remaining   When we two were left
alone  he shut the door  and sitting on a chair  and holding me
standing before him  looked steadily into my eyes   I felt my own
attracted  no less steadily  to his   As I recall our being opposed
thus  face to face  I seem again to hear my heart beat fast and
high 

 David   he said  making his lips thin  by pressing them together 
 if I have an obstinate horse or dog to deal with  what do you
think I do  

 I don t know  

 I beat him  

I had answered in a kind of breathless whisper  but I felt  in my
silence  that my breath was shorter now 

 I make him wince  and smart   I say to myself   I ll conquer that
fellow   and if it were to cost him all the blood he had  I should
do it   What is that upon your face  

 Dirt   I said 

He knew it was the mark of tears as well as I   But if he had asked
the question twenty times  each time with twenty blows  I believe
my baby heart would have burst before I would have told him so 

 You have a good deal of intelligence for a little fellow   he
said  with a grave smile that belonged to him   and you understood
me very well  I see   Wash that face  sir  and come down with me  

He pointed to the washing stand  which I had made out to be like
Mrs  Gummidge  and motioned me with his head to obey him directly 
I had little doubt then  and I have less doubt now  that he would
have knocked me down without the least compunction  if I had
hesitated 

 Clara  my dear   he said  when I had done his bidding  and he
walked me into the parlour  with his hand still on my arm   you
will not be made uncomfortable any more  I hope   We shall soon
improve our youthful humours  

God help me  I might have been improved for my whole life  I might
have been made another creature perhaps  for life  by a kind word
at that season   A word of encouragement and explanation  of pity
for my childish ignorance  of welcome home  of reassurance to me
that it was home  might have made me dutiful to him in my heart
henceforth  instead of in my hypocritical outside  and might have
made me respect instead of hate him   I thought my mother was sorry
to see me standing in the room so scared and strange  and that 
presently  when I stole to a chair  she followed me with her eyes
more sorrowfully still   missing  perhaps  some freedom in my
childish tread   but the word was not spoken  and the time for it
was gone 

We dined alone  we three together   He seemed to be very fond of my
mother   I am afraid I liked him none the better for that   and she
was very fond of him   I gathered from what they said  that an
elder sister of his was coming to stay with them  and that she was
expected that evening   I am not certain whether I found out then 
or afterwards  that  without being actively concerned in any
business  he had some share in  or some annual charge upon the
profits of  a wine merchant s house in London  with which his
family had been connected from his great grandfather s time  and in
which his sister had a similar interest  but I may mention it in
this place  whether or no 

After dinner  when we were sitting by the fire  and I was
meditating an escape to Peggotty without having the hardihood to
slip away  lest it should offend the master of the house  a coach
drove up to the garden gate and he went out to receive the visitor 
My mother followed him   I was timidly following her  when she
turned round at the parlour door  in the dusk  and taking me in her
embrace as she had been used to do  whispered me to love my new
father and be obedient to him   She did this hurriedly and
secretly  as if it were wrong  but tenderly  and  putting out her
hand behind her  held mine in it  until we came near to where he
was standing in the garden  where she let mine go  and drew hers
through his arm 

It was Miss Murdstone who was arrived  and a gloomy looking lady
she was  dark  like her brother  whom she greatly resembled in face
and voice  and with very heavy eyebrows  nearly meeting over her
large nose  as if  being disabled by the wrongs of her sex from
wearing whiskers  she had carried them to that account   She
brought with her two uncompromising hard black boxes  with her
initials on the lids in hard brass nails   When she paid the
coachman she took her money out of a hard steel purse  and she kept
the purse in a very jail of a bag which hung upon her arm by a
heavy chain  and shut up like a bite   I had never  at that time 
seen such a metallic lady altogether as Miss Murdstone was 

She was brought into the parlour with many tokens of welcome  and
there formally recognized my mother as a new and near relation 
Then she looked at me  and said 

 Is that your boy  sister in law  

My mother acknowledged me 

 Generally speaking   said Miss Murdstone   I don t like boys   How
d ye do  boy  

Under these encouraging circumstances  I replied that I was very
well  and that I hoped she was the same  with such an indifferent
grace  that Miss Murdstone disposed of me in two words 

 Wants manner  

Having uttered which  with great distinctness  she begged the
favour of being shown to her room  which became to me from that
time forth a place of awe and dread  wherein the two black boxes
were never seen open or known to be left unlocked  and where  for
I peeped in once or twice when she was out  numerous little steel
fetters and rivets  with which Miss Murdstone embellished herself
when she was dressed  generally hung upon the looking glass in
formidable array 

As well as I could make out  she had come for good  and had no
intention of ever going again   She began to  help  my mother next
morning  and was in and out of the store closet all day  putting
things to rights  and making havoc in the old arrangements   Almost
the first remarkable thing I observed in Miss Murdstone was  her
being constantly haunted by a suspicion that the servants had a man
secreted somewhere on the premises   Under the influence of this
delusion  she dived into the coal cellar at the most untimely
hours  and scarcely ever opened the door of a dark cupboard without
clapping it to again  in the belief that she had got him 

Though there was nothing very airy about Miss Murdstone  she was a
perfect Lark in point of getting up   She was up  and  as I believe
to this hour  looking for that man  before anybody in the house was
stirring   Peggotty gave it as her opinion that she even slept with
one eye open  but I could not concur in this idea  for I tried it
myself after hearing the suggestion thrown out  and found it
couldn t be done 

On the very first morning after her arrival she was up and ringing
her bell at cock crow   When my mother came down to breakfast and
was going to make the tea  Miss Murdstone gave her a kind of peck
on the cheek  which was her nearest approach to a kiss  and said 

 Now  Clara  my dear  I am come here  you know  to relieve you of
all the trouble I can   You re much too pretty and thoughtless   
my mother blushed but laughed  and seemed not to dislike this
character    to have any duties imposed upon you that can be
undertaken by me   If you ll be so good as give me your keys  my
dear  I ll attend to all this sort of thing in future  

From that time  Miss Murdstone kept the keys in her own little jail
all day  and under her pillow all night  and my mother had no more
to do with them than I had 

My mother did not suffer her authority to pass from her without a
shadow of protest   One night when Miss Murdstone had been
developing certain household plans to her brother  of which he
signified his approbation  my mother suddenly began to cry  and
said she thought she might have been consulted 

 Clara   said Mr  Murdstone sternly    Clara   I wonder at you  

 Oh  it s very well to say you wonder  Edward   cried my mother 
 and it s very well for you to talk about firmness  but you
wouldn t like it yourself  

Firmness  I may observe  was the grand quality on which both Mr 
and Miss Murdstone took their stand   However I might have
expressed my comprehension of it at that time  if I had been called
upon  I nevertheless did clearly comprehend in my own way  that it
was another name for tyranny  and for a certain gloomy  arrogant 
devil s humour  that was in them both   The creed  as I should
state it now  was this   Mr  Murdstone was firm  nobody in his
world was to be so firm as Mr  Murdstone  nobody else in his world
was to be firm at all  for everybody was to be bent to his
firmness   Miss Murdstone was an exception   She might be firm  but
only by relationship  and in an inferior and tributary degree   My
mother was another exception   She might be firm  and must be  but
only in bearing their firmness  and firmly believing there was no
other firmness upon earth 

 It s very hard   said my mother   that in my own house   

 My own house   repeated Mr  Murdstone    Clara  

 OUR own house  I mean   faltered my mother  evidently frightened
   I hope you must know what I mean  Edward   it s very hard that
in YOUR own house I may not have a word to say about domestic
matters   I am sure I managed very well before we were married 
There s evidence   said my mother  sobbing   ask Peggotty if I
didn t do very well when I wasn t interfered with  

 Edward   said Miss Murdstone   let there be an end of this   I go
tomorrow  

 Jane Murdstone   said her brother   be silent   How dare you to
insinuate that you don t know my character better than your words
imply  

 I am sure   my poor mother went on  at a grievous disadvantage 
and with many tears   I don t want anybody to go   I should be very
miserable and unhappy if anybody was to go   I don t ask much   I
am not unreasonable   I only want to be consulted sometimes   I am
very much obliged to anybody who assists me  and I only want to be
consulted as a mere form  sometimes   I thought you were pleased 
once  with my being a little inexperienced and girlish  Edward   I
am sure you said so   but you seem to hate me for it now  you are
so severe  

 Edward   said Miss Murdstone  again   let there be an end of this 
I go tomorrow  

 Jane Murdstone   thundered Mr  Murdstone    Will you be silent 
How dare you  

Miss Murdstone made a jail delivery of her pocket handkerchief  and
held it before her eyes 

 Clara   he continued  looking at my mother   you surprise me   You
astound me   Yes  I had a satisfaction in the thought of marrying
an inexperienced and artless person  and forming her character  and
infusing into it some amount of that firmness and decision of which
it stood in need   But when Jane Murdstone is kind enough to come
to my assistance in this endeavour  and to assume  for my sake  a
condition something like a housekeeper s  and when she meets with
a base return   

 Oh  pray  pray  Edward   cried my mother   don t accuse me of
being ungrateful   I am sure I am not ungrateful   No one ever said
I was before   I have many faults  but not that   Oh  don t  my
dear  

 When Jane Murdstone meets  I say   he went on  after waiting until
my mother was silent   with a base return  that feeling of mine is
chilled and altered  

 Don t  my love  say that   implored my mother very piteously 
 Oh  don t  Edward   I can t bear to hear it   Whatever I am  I am
affectionate   I know I am affectionate   I wouldn t say it  if I
wasn t sure that I am   Ask Peggotty   I am sure she ll tell you
I m affectionate  

 There is no extent of mere weakness  Clara   said Mr  Murdstone in
reply   that can have the least weight with me   You lose breath  

 Pray let us be friends   said my mother   I couldn t live under
coldness or unkindness   I am so sorry   I have a great many
defects  I know  and it s very good of you  Edward  with your
strength of mind  to endeavour to correct them for me   Jane  I
don t object to anything   I should be quite broken hearted if you
thought of leaving    My mother was too much overcome to go on 

 Jane Murdstone   said Mr  Murdstone to his sister   any harsh
words between us are  I hope  uncommon   It is not my fault that so
unusual an occurrence has taken place tonight   I was betrayed into
it by another   Nor is it your fault   You were betrayed into it by
another   Let us both try to forget it   And as this   he added 
after these magnanimous words   is not a fit scene for the boy  
David  go to bed  

I could hardly find the door  through the tears that stood in my
eyes   I was so sorry for my mother s distress  but I groped my way
out  and groped my way up to my room in the dark  without even
having the heart to say good night to Peggotty  or to get a candle
from her   When her coming up to look for me  an hour or so
afterwards  awoke me  she said that my mother had gone to bed
poorly  and that Mr  and Miss Murdstone were sitting alone 

Going down next morning rather earlier than usual  I paused outside
the parlour door  on hearing my mother s voice   She was very
earnestly and humbly entreating Miss Murdstone s pardon  which that
lady granted  and a perfect reconciliation took place   I never
knew my mother afterwards to give an opinion on any matter  without
first appealing to Miss Murdstone  or without having first
ascertained by some sure means  what Miss Murdstone s opinion was 
and I never saw Miss Murdstone  when out of temper  she was infirm
that way   move her hand towards her bag as if she were going to
take out the keys and offer to resign them to my mother  without
seeing that my mother was in a terrible fright 

The gloomy taint that was in the Murdstone blood  darkened the
Murdstone religion  which was austere and wrathful   I have
thought  since  that its assuming that character was a necessary
consequence of Mr  Murdstone s firmness  which wouldn t allow him
to let anybody off from the utmost weight of the severest penalties
he could find any excuse for   Be this as it may  I well remember
the tremendous visages with which we used to go to church  and the
changed air of the place   Again  the dreaded Sunday comes round 
and I file into the old pew first  like a guarded captive brought
to a condemned service   Again  Miss Murdstone  in a black velvet
gown  that looks as if it had been made out of a pall  follows
close upon me  then my mother  then her husband   There is no
Peggotty now  as in the old time   Again  I listen to Miss
Murdstone mumbling the responses  and emphasizing all the dread
words with a cruel relish   Again  I see her dark eyes roll round
the church when she says  miserable sinners   as if she were
calling all the congregation names   Again  I catch rare glimpses
of my mother  moving her lips timidly between the two  with one of
them muttering at each ear like low thunder   Again  I wonder with
a sudden fear whether it is likely that our good old clergyman can
be wrong  and Mr  and Miss Murdstone right  and that all the angels
in Heaven can be destroying angels   Again  if I move a finger or
relax a muscle of my face  Miss Murdstone pokes me with her
prayer book  and makes my side ache 

Yes  and again  as we walk home  I note some neighbours looking at
my mother and at me  and whispering   Again  as the three go on
arm in arm  and I linger behind alone  I follow some of those
looks  and wonder if my mother s step be really not so light as I
have seen it  and if the gaiety of her beauty be really almost
worried away   Again  I wonder whether any of the neighbours call
to mind  as I do  how we used to walk home together  she and I  and
I wonder stupidly about that  all the dreary dismal day 

There had been some talk on occasions of my going to boarding 
school   Mr  and Miss Murdstone had originated it  and my mother
had of course agreed with them   Nothing  however  was concluded on
the subject yet   In the meantime  I learnt lessons at home 
Shall I ever forget those lessons   They were presided over
nominally by my mother  but really by Mr  Murdstone and his sister 
who were always present  and found them a favourable occasion for
giving my mother lessons in that miscalled firmness  which was the
bane of both our lives   I believe I was kept at home for that
purpose   I had been apt enough to learn  and willing enough  when
my mother and I had lived alone together   I can faintly remember
learning the alphabet at her knee   To this day  when I look upon
the fat black letters in the primer  the puzzling novelty of their
shapes  and the easy good nature of O and Q and S  seem to present
themselves again before me as they used to do   But they recall no
feeling of disgust or reluctance   On the contrary  I seem to have
walked along a path of flowers as far as the crocodile book  and to
have been cheered by the gentleness of my mother s voice and manner
all the way   But these solemn lessons which succeeded those  I
remember as the death blow of my peace  and a grievous daily
drudgery and misery   They were very long  very numerous  very hard
  perfectly unintelligible  some of them  to me   and I was
generally as much bewildered by them as I believe my poor mother
was herself 

Let me remember how it used to be  and bring one morning back
again 

I come into the second best parlour after breakfast  with my books 
and an exercise book  and a slate   My mother is ready for me at
her writing desk  but not half so ready as Mr  Murdstone in his
easy chair by the window  though he pretends to be reading a book  
or as Miss Murdstone  sitting near my mother stringing steel beads 
The very sight of these two has such an influence over me  that I
begin to feel the words I have been at infinite pains to get into
my head  all sliding away  and going I don t know where   I wonder
where they do go  by the by 

I hand the first book to my mother   Perhaps it is a grammar 
perhaps a history  or geography   I take a last drowning look at
the page as I give it into her hand  and start off aloud at a
racing pace while I have got it fresh   I trip over a word   Mr 
Murdstone looks up   I trip over another word   Miss Murdstone
looks up   I redden  tumble over half a dozen words  and stop   I
think my mother would show me the book if she dared  but she does
not dare  and she says softly 

 Oh  Davy  Davy  

 Now  Clara   says Mr  Murdstone   be firm with the boy   Don t
say   Oh  Davy  Davy    That s childish   He knows his lesson  or
he does not know it  

 He does NOT know it   Miss Murdstone interposes awfully 

 I am really afraid he does not   says my mother 

 Then  you see  Clara   returns Miss Murdstone   you should just
give him the book back  and make him know it  

 Yes  certainly   says my mother   that is what I intend to do  my
dear Jane   Now  Davy  try once more  and don t be stupid  

I obey the first clause of the injunction by trying once more  but
am not so successful with the second  for I am very stupid   I
tumble down before I get to the old place  at a point where I was
all right before  and stop to think   But I can t think about the
lesson   I think of the number of yards of net in Miss Murdstone s
cap  or of the price of Mr  Murdstone s dressing gown  or any such
ridiculous problem that I have no business with  and don t want to
have anything at all to do with   Mr  Murdstone makes a movement of
impatience which I have been expecting for a long time   Miss
Murdstone does the same   My mother glances submissively at them 
shuts the book  and lays it by as an arrear to be worked out when
my other tasks are done 

There is a pile of these arrears very soon  and it swells like a
rolling snowball   The bigger it gets  the more stupid I get   The
case is so hopeless  and I feel that I am wallowing in such a bog
of nonsense  that I give up all idea of getting out  and abandon
myself to my fate   The despairing way in which my mother and I
look at each other  as I blunder on  is truly melancholy   But the
greatest effect in these miserable lessons is when my mother
 thinking nobody is observing her  tries to give me the cue by the
motion of her lips   At that instant  Miss Murdstone  who has been
lying in wait for nothing else all along  says in a deep warning
voice 

 Clara  

My mother starts  colours  and smiles faintly   Mr  Murdstone comes
out of his chair  takes the book  throws it at me or boxes my ears
with it  and turns me out of the room by the shoulders 

Even when the lessons are done  the worst is yet to happen  in the
shape of an appalling sum   This is invented for me  and delivered
to me orally by Mr  Murdstone  and begins   If I go into a
cheesemonger s shop  and buy five thousand double Gloucester
cheeses at fourpence halfpenny each  present payment    at which I
see Miss Murdstone secretly overjoyed   I pore over these cheeses
without any result or enlightenment until dinner time  when  having
made a Mulatto of myself by getting the dirt of the slate into the
pores of my skin  I have a slice of bread to help me out with the
cheeses  and am considered in disgrace for the rest of the evening 

It seems to me  at this distance of time  as if my unfortunate
studies generally took this course   I could have done very well if
I had been without the Murdstones  but the influence of the
Murdstones upon me was like the fascination of two snakes on a
wretched young bird   Even when I did get through the morning with
tolerable credit  there was not much gained but dinner  for Miss
Murdstone never could endure to see me untasked  and if I rashly
made any show of being unemployed  called her brother s attention
to me by saying   Clara  my dear  there s nothing like work   give
your boy an exercise   which caused me to be clapped down to some
new labour  there and then   As to any recreation with other
children of my age  I had very little of that  for the gloomy
theology of the Murdstones made all children out to be a swarm of
little vipers  though there WAS a child once set in the midst of
the Disciples   and held that they contaminated one another 

The natural result of this treatment  continued  I suppose  for
some six months or more  was to make me sullen  dull  and dogged 
I was not made the less so by my sense of being daily more and more
shut out and alienated from my mother   I believe I should have
been almost stupefied but for one circumstance 

It was this   My father had left a small collection of books in a
little room upstairs  to which I had access  for it adjoined my
own  and which nobody else in our house ever troubled   From that
blessed little room  Roderick Random  Peregrine Pickle  Humphrey
Clinker  Tom Jones  the Vicar of Wakefield  Don Quixote  Gil Blas 
and Robinson Crusoe  came out  a glorious host  to keep me company 
They kept alive my fancy  and my hope of something beyond that
place and time    they  and the Arabian Nights  and the Tales of
the Genii    and did me no harm  for whatever harm was in some of
them was not there for me  I knew nothing of it   It is astonishing
to me now  how I found time  in the midst of my porings and
blunderings over heavier themes  to read those books as I did   It
is curious to me how I could ever have consoled myself under my
small troubles  which were great troubles to me   by impersonating
my favourite characters in them   as I did   and by putting Mr  and
Miss Murdstone into all the bad ones   which I did too   I have
been Tom Jones  a child s Tom Jones  a harmless creature  for a
week together   I have sustained my own idea of Roderick Random for
a month at a stretch  I verily believe   I had a greedy relish for
a few volumes of Voyages and Travels   I forget what  now   that
were on those shelves  and for days and days I can remember to have
gone about my region of our house  armed with the centre piece out
of an old set of boot trees   the perfect realization of Captain
Somebody  of the Royal British Navy  in danger of being beset by
savages  and resolved to sell his life at a great price   The
Captain never lost dignity  from having his ears boxed with the
Latin Grammar   I did  but the Captain was a Captain and a hero  in
despite of all the grammars of all the languages in the world  dead
or alive 

This was my only and my constant comfort   When I think of it  the
picture always rises in my mind  of a summer evening  the boys at
play in the churchyard  and I sitting on my bed  reading as if for
life   Every barn in the neighbourhood  every stone in the church 
and every foot of the churchyard  had some association of its own 
in my mind  connected with these books  and stood for some locality
made famous in them   I have seen Tom Pipes go climbing up the
church steeple  I have watched Strap  with the knapsack on his
back  stopping to rest himself upon the wicket gate  and I know
that Commodore Trunnion held that club with Mr  Pickle  in the
parlour of our little village alehouse 

The reader now understands  as well as I do  what I was when I came
to that point of my youthful history to which I am now coming
again 

One morning when I went into the parlour with my books  I found my
mother looking anxious  Miss Murdstone looking firm  and Mr 
Murdstone binding something round the bottom of a cane   a lithe
and limber cane  which he left off binding when I came in  and
poised and switched in the air 

 I tell you  Clara   said Mr  Murdstone   I have been often flogged
myself  

 To be sure  of course   said Miss Murdstone 

 Certainly  my dear Jane   faltered my mother  meekly    But   but
do you think it did Edward good  

 Do you think it did Edward harm  Clara   asked Mr  Murdstone 
gravely 

 That s the point   said his sister 

To this my mother returned   Certainly  my dear Jane   and said no
more 

I felt apprehensive that I was personally interested in this
dialogue  and sought Mr  Murdstone s eye as it lighted on mine 

 Now  David   he said   and I saw that cast again as he said it  
 you must be far more careful today than usual    He gave the cane
another poise  and another switch  and having finished his
preparation of it  laid it down beside him  with an impressive
look  and took up his book 

This was a good freshener to my presence of mind  as a beginning 
I felt the words of my lessons slipping off  not one by one  or
line by line  but by the entire page  I tried to lay hold of them 
but they seemed  if I may so express it  to have put skates on  and
to skim away from me with a smoothness there was no checking 

We began badly  and went on worse   I had come in with an idea of
distinguishing myself rather  conceiving that I was very well
prepared  but it turned out to be quite a mistake   Book after book
was added to the heap of failures  Miss Murdstone being firmly
watchful of us all the time   And when we came at last to the five
thousand cheeses  canes he made it that day  I remember   my mother
burst out crying 

 Clara   said Miss Murdstone  in her warning voice 

 I am not quite well  my dear Jane  I think   said my mother 

I saw him wink  solemnly  at his sister  as he rose and said 
taking up the cane 

 Why  Jane  we can hardly expect Clara to bear  with perfect
firmness  the worry and torment that David has occasioned her
today   That would be stoical   Clara is greatly strengthened and
improved  but we can hardly expect so much from her   David  you
and I will go upstairs  boy  

As he took me out at the door  my mother ran towards us   Miss
Murdstone said   Clara  are you a perfect fool   and interfered 
I saw my mother stop her ears then  and I heard her crying 

He walked me up to my room slowly and gravely   I am certain he had
a delight in that formal parade of executing justice   and when we
got there  suddenly twisted my head under his arm 

 Mr  Murdstone   Sir   I cried to him    Don t   Pray don t beat
me   I have tried to learn  sir  but I can t learn while you and
Miss Murdstone are by   I can t indeed  

 Can t you  indeed  David   he said    We ll try that  

He had my head as in a vice  but I twined round him somehow  and
stopped him for a moment  entreating him not to beat me   It was
only a moment that I stopped him  for he cut me heavily an instant
afterwards  and in the same instant I caught the hand with which he
held me in my mouth  between my teeth  and bit it through   It sets
my teeth on edge to think of it 

He beat me then  as if he would have beaten me to death   Above all
the noise we made  I heard them running up the stairs  and crying
out   I heard my mother crying out   and Peggotty   Then he was
gone  and the door was locked outside  and I was lying  fevered and
hot  and torn  and sore  and raging in my puny way  upon the floor 

How well I recollect  when I became quiet  what an unnatural
stillness seemed to reign through the whole house   How well I
remember  when my smart and passion began to cool  how wicked I
began to feel 

I sat listening for a long while  but there was not a sound   I
crawled up from the floor  and saw my face in the glass  so
swollen  red  and ugly that it almost frightened me   My stripes
were sore and stiff  and made me cry afresh  when I moved  but they
were nothing to the guilt I felt   It lay heavier on my breast than
if I had been a most atrocious criminal  I dare say 

It had begun to grow dark  and I had shut the window  I had been
lying  for the most part  with my head upon the sill  by turns
crying  dozing  and looking listlessly out   when the key was
turned  and Miss Murdstone came in with some bread and meat  and
milk   These she put down upon the table without a word  glaring at
me the while with exemplary firmness  and then retired  locking the
door after her 

Long after it was dark I sat there  wondering whether anybody else
would come   When this appeared improbable for that night  I
undressed  and went to bed  and  there  I began to wonder fearfully
what would be done to me   Whether it was a criminal act that I had
committed   Whether I should be taken into custody  and sent to
prison   Whether I was at all in danger of being hanged 

I never shall forget the waking  next morning  the being cheerful
and fresh for the first moment  and then the being weighed down by
the stale and dismal oppression of remembrance   Miss Murdstone
reappeared before I was out of bed  told me  in so many words  that
I was free to walk in the garden for half an hour and no longer 
and retired  leaving the door open  that I might avail myself of
that permission 

I did so  and did so every morning of my imprisonment  which lasted
five days   If I could have seen my mother alone  I should have
gone down on my knees to her and besought her forgiveness  but I
saw no one  Miss Murdstone excepted  during the whole time   except
at evening prayers in the parlour  to which I was escorted by Miss
Murdstone after everybody else was placed  where I was stationed 
a young outlaw  all alone by myself near the door  and whence I was
solemnly conducted by my jailer  before any one arose from the
devotional posture   I only observed that my mother was as far off
from me as she could be  and kept her face another way so that I
never saw it  and that Mr  Murdstone s hand was bound up in a large
linen wrapper 

The length of those five days I can convey no idea of to any one 
They occupy the place of years in my remembrance   The way in which
I listened to all the incidents of the house that made themselves
audible to me  the ringing of bells  the opening and shutting of
doors  the murmuring of voices  the footsteps on the stairs  to any
laughing  whistling  or singing  outside  which seemed more dismal
than anything else to me in my solitude and disgrace   the
uncertain pace of the hours  especially at night  when I would wake
thinking it was morning  and find that the family were not yet gone
to bed  and that all the length of night had yet to come   the
depressed dreams and nightmares I had   the return of day  noon 
afternoon  evening  when the boys played in the churchyard  and I
watched them from a distance within the room  being ashamed to show
myself at the window lest they should know I was a prisoner   the
strange sensation of never hearing myself speak   the fleeting
intervals of something like cheerfulness  which came with eating
and drinking  and went away with it   the setting in of rain one
evening  with a fresh smell  and its coming down faster and faster
between me and the church  until it and gathering night seemed to
quench me in gloom  and fear  and remorse   all this appears to
have gone round and round for years instead of days  it is so
vividly and strongly stamped on my remembrance 
On the last night of my restraint  I was awakened by hearing my own
name spoken in a whisper   I started up in bed  and putting out my
arms in the dark  said 

 Is that you  Peggotty  

There was no immediate answer  but presently I heard my name again 
in a tone so very mysterious and awful  that I think I should have
gone into a fit  if it had not occurred to me that it must have
come through the keyhole 

I groped my way to the door  and putting my own lips to the
keyhole  whispered   Is that you  Peggotty dear  

 Yes  my own precious Davy   she replied    Be as soft as a mouse 
or the Cat ll hear us  

I understood this to mean Miss Murdstone  and was sensible of the
urgency of the case  her room being close by 

 How s mama  dear Peggotty   Is she very angry with me  

I could hear Peggotty crying softly on her side of the keyhole  as
I was doing on mine  before she answered    No   Not very  

 What is going to be done with me  Peggotty dear   Do you know  

 School   Near London   was Peggotty s answer   I was obliged to
get her to repeat it  for she spoke it the first time quite down my
throat  in consequence of my having forgotten to take my mouth away
from the keyhole and put my ear there  and though her words tickled
me a good deal  I didn t hear them 

 When  Peggotty  

 Tomorrow  

 Is that the reason why Miss Murdstone took the clothes out of my
drawers   which she had done  though I have forgotten to mention
it 

 Yes   said Peggotty    Box  

 Shan t I see mama  

 Yes   said Peggotty    Morning  

Then Peggotty fitted her mouth close to the keyhole  and delivered
these words through it with as much feeling and earnestness as a
keyhole has ever been the medium of communicating  I will venture
to assert  shooting in each broken little sentence in a convulsive
little burst of its own 

 Davy  dear   If I ain t been azackly as intimate with you 
Lately  as I used to be   It ain t because I don t love you   Just
as well and more  my pretty poppet   It s because I thought it
better for you   And for someone else besides   Davy  my darling 
are you listening   Can you hear  

 Ye ye ye yes  Peggotty   I sobbed 

 My own   said Peggotty  with infinite compassion    What I want to
say  is   That you must never forget me   For I ll never forget
you   And I ll take as much care of your mama  Davy   As ever I
took of you   And I won t leave her   The day may come when she ll
be glad to lay her poor head   On her stupid  cross old Peggotty s
arm again   And I ll write to you  my dear   Though I ain t no
scholar   And I ll   I ll    Peggotty fell to kissing the keyhole 
as she couldn t kiss me 

 Thank you  dear Peggotty   said I    Oh  thank you   Thank you 
Will you promise me one thing  Peggotty   Will you write and tell
Mr  Peggotty and little Em ly  and Mrs  Gummidge and Ham  that I am
not so bad as they might suppose  and that I sent  em all my love
  especially to little Em ly   Will you  if you please  Peggotty  

The kind soul promised  and we both of us kissed the keyhole with
the greatest affection   I patted it with my hand  I recollect  as
if it had been her honest face   and parted   From that night there
grew up in my breast a feeling for Peggotty which I cannot very
well define   She did not replace my mother  no one could do that 
but she came into a vacancy in my heart  which closed upon her  and
I felt towards her something I have never felt for any other human
being   It was a sort of comical affection  too  and yet if she had
died  I cannot think what I should have done  or how I should have
acted out the tragedy it would have been to me 

In the morning Miss Murdstone appeared as usual  and told me I was
going to school  which was not altogether such news to me as she
supposed   She also informed me that when I was dressed  I was to
come downstairs into the parlour  and have my breakfast   There  I
found my mother  very pale and with red eyes  into whose arms I
ran  and begged her pardon from my suffering soul 

 Oh  Davy   she said    That you could hurt anyone I love   Try to
be better  pray to be better   I forgive you  but I am so grieved 
Davy  that you should have such bad passions in your heart  

They had persuaded her that I was a wicked fellow  and she was more
sorry for that than for my going away   I felt it sorely   I tried
to eat my parting breakfast  but my tears dropped upon my bread 
and butter  and trickled into my tea   I saw my mother look at me
sometimes  and then glance at the watchful Miss Murdstone  and than
look down  or look away 

 Master Copperfield s box there   said Miss Murdstone  when wheels
were heard at the gate 

I looked for Peggotty  but it was not she  neither she nor Mr 
Murdstone appeared   My former acquaintance  the carrier  was at
the door   The box was taken out to his cart  and lifted in 

 Clara   said Miss Murdstone  in her warning note 

 Ready  my dear Jane   returned my mother    Good bye  Davy   You
are going for your own good   Good bye  my child   You will come
home in the holidays  and be a better boy  

 Clara   Miss Murdstone repeated 

 Certainly  my dear Jane   replied my mother  who was holding me 
 I forgive you  my dear boy   God bless you  

 Clara   Miss Murdstone repeated 

Miss Murdstone was good enough to take me out to the cart  and to
say on the way that she hoped I would repent  before I came to a
bad end  and then I got into the cart  and the lazy horse walked
off with it 



CHAPTER  
I AM SENT AWAY FROM HOME


We might have gone about half a mile  and my pocket handkerchief
was quite wet through  when the carrier stopped short   Looking out
to ascertain for what  I saw  to MY amazement  Peggotty burst from
a hedge and climb into the cart   She took me in both her arms  and
squeezed me to her stays until the pressure on my nose was
extremely painful  though I never thought of that till afterwards
when I found it very tender   Not a single word did Peggotty speak 
Releasing one of her arms  she put it down in her pocket to the
elbow  and brought out some paper bags of cakes which she crammed
into my pockets  and a purse which she put into my hand  but not
one word did she say   After another and a final squeeze with both
arms  she got down from the cart and ran away  and  my belief is 
and has always been  without a solitary button on her gown   I
picked up one  of several that were rolling about  and treasured it
as a keepsake for a long time 

The carrier looked at me  as if to inquire if she were coming back 
I shook my head  and said I thought not    Then come up   said the
carrier to the lazy horse  who came up accordingly 

Having by this time cried as much as I possibly could  I began to
think it was of no use crying any more  especially as neither
Roderick Random  nor that Captain in the Royal British Navy  had
ever cried  that I could remember  in trying situations   The
carrier  seeing me in this resolution  proposed that my pocket 
handkerchief should be spread upon the horse s back to dry   I
thanked him  and assented  and particularly small it looked  under
those circumstances 

I had now leisure to examine the purse   It was a stiff leather
purse  with a snap  and had three bright shillings in it  which
Peggotty had evidently polished up with whitening  for my greater
delight   But its most precious contents were two half crowns
folded together in a bit of paper  on which was written  in my
mother s hand   For Davy   With my love    I was so overcome by
this  that I asked the carrier to be so good as to reach me my
pocket handkerchief again  but he said he thought I had better do
without it  and I thought I really had  so I wiped my eyes on my
sleeve and stopped myself 

For good  too  though  in consequence of my previous emotions  I
was still occasionally seized with a stormy sob   After we had
jogged on for some little time  I asked the carrier if he was going
all the way 

 All the way where   inquired the carrier 

 There   I said 

 Where s there   inquired the carrier 

 Near London   I said 

 Why that horse   said the carrier  jerking the rein to point him
out   would be deader than pork afore he got over half the ground  

 Are you only going to Yarmouth then   I asked 

 That s about it   said the carrier    And there I shall take you
to the stage cutch  and the stage cutch that ll take you to  
wherever it is  

As this was a great deal for the carrier  whose name was Mr 
Barkis  to say   he being  as I observed in a former chapter  of a
phlegmatic temperament  and not at all conversational   I offered
him a cake as a mark of attention  which he ate at one gulp 
exactly like an elephant  and which made no more impression on his
big face than it would have done on an elephant s 

 Did SHE make  em  now   said Mr  Barkis  always leaning forward 
in his slouching way  on the footboard of the cart with an arm on
each knee 

 Peggotty  do you mean  sir  

 Ah   said Mr  Barkis    Her  

 Yes   She makes all our pastry  and does all our cooking  

 Do she though   said Mr  Barkis 
He made up his mouth as if to whistle  but he didn t whistle   He
sat looking at the horse s ears  as if he saw something new there 
and sat so  for a considerable time   By and by  he said 

 No sweethearts  I b lieve  

 Sweetmeats did you say  Mr  Barkis    For I thought he wanted
something else to eat  and had pointedly alluded to that
description of refreshment 

 Hearts   said Mr  Barkis    Sweet hearts  no person walks with
her  

 With Peggotty  

 Ah   he said    Her  

 Oh  no   She never had a sweetheart  

 Didn t she  though   said Mr  Barkis 

Again he made up his mouth to whistle  and again he didn t whistle 
but sat looking at the horse s ears 

 So she makes   said Mr  Barkis  after a long interval of
reflection   all the apple parsties  and doos all the cooking  do
she  

I replied that such was the fact 

 Well   I ll tell you what   said Mr  Barkis    P raps you might be
writin  to her  

 I shall certainly write to her   I rejoined 

 Ah   he said  slowly turning his eyes towards me    Well   If you
was writin  to her  p raps you d recollect to say that Barkis was
willin   would you  

 That Barkis is willing   I repeated  innocently    Is that all the
message  

 Ye es   he said  considering    Ye es   Barkis is willin   

 But you will be at Blunderstone again tomorrow  Mr  Barkis   I
said  faltering a little at the idea of my being far away from it
then  and could give your own message so much better  

As he repudiated this suggestion  however  with a jerk of his head 
and once more confirmed his previous request by saying  with
profound gravity   Barkis is willin    That s the message   I
readily undertook its transmission   While I was waiting for the
coach in the hotel at Yarmouth that very afternoon  I procured a
sheet of paper and an inkstand  and wrote a note to Peggotty  which
ran thus   My dear Peggotty   I have come here safe   Barkis is
willing   My love to mama   Yours affectionately   P S   He says he
particularly wants you to know   BARKIS IS WILLING  

When I had taken this commission on myself prospectively  Mr 
Barkis relapsed into perfect silence  and I  feeling quite worn out
by all that had happened lately  lay down on a sack in the cart and
fell asleep   I slept soundly until we got to Yarmouth  which was
so entirely new and strange to me in the inn yard to which we
drove  that I at once abandoned a latent hope I had had of meeting
with some of Mr  Peggotty s family there  perhaps even with little
Em ly herself 

The coach was in the yard  shining very much all over  but without
any horses to it as yet  and it looked in that state as if nothing
was more unlikely than its ever going to London   I was thinking
this  and wondering what would ultimately become of my box  which
Mr  Barkis had put down on the yard pavement by the pole  he having
driven up the yard to turn his cart   and also what would
ultimately become of me  when a lady looked out of a bow window
where some fowls and joints of meat were hanging up  and said 

 Is that the little gentleman from Blunderstone  

 Yes  ma am   I said 

 What name   inquired the lady 

 Copperfield  ma am   I said 

 That won t do   returned the lady    Nobody s dinner is paid for
here  in that name  

 Is it Murdstone  ma am   I said 

 If you re Master Murdstone   said the lady   why do you go and
give another name  first  

I explained to the lady how it was  who than rang a bell  and
called out   William  show the coffee room   upon which a waiter
came running out of a kitchen on the opposite side of the yard to
show it  and seemed a good deal surprised when he was only to show
it to me 

It was a large long room with some large maps in it   I doubt if I
could have felt much stranger if the maps had been real foreign
countries  and I cast away in the middle of them   I felt it was
taking a liberty to sit down  with my cap in my hand  on the corner
of the chair nearest the door  and when the waiter laid a cloth on
purpose for me  and put a set of castors on it  I think I must have
turned red all over with modesty 

He brought me some chops  and vegetables  and took the covers off
in such a bouncing manner that I was afraid I must have given him
some offence   But he greatly relieved my mind by putting a chair
for me at the table  and saying  very affably   Now  six foot  come
on  

I thanked him  and took my seat at the board  but found it
extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like
dexterity  or to avoid splashing myself with the gravy  while he
was standing opposite  staring so hard  and making me blush in the
most dreadful manner every time I caught his eye   After watching
me into the second chop  he said 

 There s half a pint of ale for you   Will you have it now  

I thanked him and said   Yes    Upon which he poured it out of a
jug into a large tumbler  and held it up against the light  and
made it look beautiful 

 My eye   he said    It seems a good deal  don t it  

 It does seem a good deal   I answered with a smile   For it was
quite delightful to me  to find him so pleasant   He was a
twinkling eyed  pimple faced man  with his hair standing upright
all over his head  and as he stood with one arm a kimbo  holding up
the glass to the light with the other hand  he looked quite
friendly 

 There was a gentleman here  yesterday   he said    a stout
gentleman  by the name of Topsawyer   perhaps you know him  

 No   I said   I don t think   

 In breeches and gaiters  broad brimmed hat  grey coat  speckled
choker   said the waiter 

 No   I said bashfully   I haven t the pleasure   

 He came in here   said the waiter  looking at the light through
the tumbler   ordered a glass of this ale   WOULD order it   I told
him not   drank it  and fell dead   It was too old for him   It
oughtn t to be drawn  that s the fact  

I was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident  and
said I thought I had better have some water 

 Why you see   said the waiter  still looking at the light through
the tumbler  with one of his eyes shut up   our people don t like
things being ordered and left   It offends  em   But I ll drink it 
if you like   I m used to it  and use is everything   I don t think
it ll hurt me  if I throw my head back  and take it off quick 
Shall I  

I replied that he would much oblige me by drinking it  if he
thought he could do it safely  but by no means otherwise   When he
did throw his head back  and take it off quick  I had a horrible
fear  I confess  of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented Mr 
Topsawyer  and fall lifeless on the carpet   But it didn t hurt
him   On the contrary  I thought he seemed the fresher for it 

 What have we got here   he said  putting a fork into my dish 
 Not chops  

 Chops   I said 

 Lord bless my soul   he exclaimed   I didn t know they were chops 
Why  a chop s the very thing to take off the bad effects of that
beer   Ain t it lucky  

So he took a chop by the bone in one hand  and a potato in the
other  and ate away with a very good appetite  to my extreme
satisfaction   He afterwards took another chop  and another potato 
and after that  another chop and another potato   When we had done 
he brought me a pudding  and having set it before me  seemed to
ruminate  and to become absent in his mind for some moments 

 How s the pie   he said  rousing himself 

 It s a pudding   I made answer 

 Pudding   he exclaimed    Why  bless me  so it is   What   looking
at it nearer    You don t mean to say it s a batter pudding  

 Yes  it is indeed  

 Why  a batter pudding   he said  taking up a table spoon   is my
favourite pudding   Ain t that lucky   Come on  little  un  and
let s see who ll get most  

The waiter certainly got most   He entreated me more than once to
come in and win  but what with his table spoon to my tea spoon  his
dispatch to my dispatch  and his appetite to my appetite  I was
left far behind at the first mouthful  and had no chance with him 
I never saw anyone enjoy a pudding so much  I think  and he
laughed  when it was all gone  as if his enjoyment of it lasted
still 

Finding him so very friendly and companionable  it was then that I
asked for the pen and ink and paper  to write to Peggotty   He not
only brought it immediately  but was good enough to look over me
while I wrote the letter   When I had finished it  he asked me
where I was going to school 

I said   Near London   which was all I knew 

 Oh  my eye   he said  looking very low spirited   I am sorry for
that  

 Why   I asked him 

 Oh  Lord   he said  shaking his head   that s the school where
they broke the boy s ribs   two ribs   a little boy he was   I
should say he was   let me see   how old are you  about  

I told him between eight and nine 

 That s just his age   he said    He was eight years and six months
old when they broke his first rib  eight years and eight months old
when they broke his second  and did for him  

I could not disguise from myself  or from the waiter  that this was
an uncomfortable coincidence  and inquired how it was done   His
answer was not cheering to my spirits  for it consisted of two
dismal words   With whopping  

The blowing of the coach horn in the yard was a seasonable
diversion  which made me get up and hesitatingly inquire  in the
mingled pride and diffidence of having a purse  which I took out of
my pocket   if there were anything to pay 

 There s a sheet of letter paper   he returned    Did you ever buy
a sheet of letter paper  

I could not remember that I ever had 

 It s dear   he said   on account of the duty   Threepence   That s
the way we re taxed in this country   There s nothing else  except
the waiter   Never mind the ink   I lose by that  

 What should you   what should I   how much ought I to   what would
it be right to pay the waiter  if you please   I stammered 
blushing 

 If I hadn t a family  and that family hadn t the cowpock   said
the waiter   I wouldn t take a sixpence   If I didn t support a
aged pairint  and a lovely sister     here the waiter was greatly
agitated    I wouldn t take a farthing   If I had a good place  and
was treated well here  I should beg acceptance of a trifle  instead
of taking of it   But I live on broken wittles   and I sleep on the
coals    here the waiter burst into tears 

I was very much concerned for his misfortunes  and felt that any
recognition short of ninepence would be mere brutality and hardness
of heart   Therefore I gave him one of my three bright shillings 
which he received with much humility and veneration  and spun up
with his thumb  directly afterwards  to try the goodness of 

It was a little disconcerting to me  to find  when I was being
helped up behind the coach  that I was supposed to have eaten all
the dinner without any assistance   I discovered this  from
overhearing the lady in the bow window say to the guard   Take care
of that child  George  or he ll burst   and from observing that the
women servants who were about the place came out to look and giggle
at me as a young phenomenon   My unfortunate friend the waiter  who
had quite recovered his spirits  did not appear to be disturbed by
this  but joined in the general admiration without being at all
confused   If I had any doubt of him  I suppose this half awakened
it  but I am inclined to believe that with the simple confidence of
a child  and the natural reliance of a child upon superior years
 qualities I am very sorry any children should prematurely change
for worldly wisdom   I had no serious mistrust of him on the whole 
even then 

I felt it rather hard  I must own  to be made  without deserving
it  the subject of jokes between the coachman and guard as to the
coach drawing heavy behind  on account of my sitting there  and as
to the greater expediency of my travelling by waggon   The story of
my supposed appetite getting wind among the outside passengers 
they were merry upon it likewise  and asked me whether I was going
to be paid for  at school  as two brothers or three  and whether I
was contracted for  or went upon the regular terms  with other
pleasant questions   But the worst of it was  that I knew I should
be ashamed to eat anything  when an opportunity offered  and that 
after a rather light dinner  I should remain hungry all night   for
I had left my cakes behind  at the hotel  in my hurry   My
apprehensions were realized   When we stopped for supper I couldn t
muster courage to take any  though I should have liked it very
much  but sat by the fire and said I didn t want anything   This
did not save me from more jokes  either  for a husky voiced
gentleman with a rough face  who had been eating out of a
sandwich box nearly all the way  except when he had been drinking
out of a bottle  said I was like a boa constrictor who took enough
at one meal to last him a long time  after which  he actually
brought a rash out upon himself with boiled beef 

We had started from Yarmouth at three o clock in the afternoon  and
we were due in London about eight next morning   It was Mid summer
weather  and the evening was very pleasant   When we passed through
a village  I pictured to myself what the insides of the houses were
like  and what the inhabitants were about  and when boys came
running after us  and got up behind and swung there for a little
way  I wondered whether their fathers were alive  and whether they
Were happy at home   I had plenty to think of  therefore  besides
my mind running continually on the kind of place I was going to  
which was an awful speculation   Sometimes  I remember  I resigned
myself to thoughts of home and Peggotty  and to endeavouring  in a
confused blind way  to recall how I had felt  and what sort of boy
I used to be  before I bit Mr  Murdstone  which I couldn t satisfy
myself about by any means  I seemed to have bitten him in such a
remote antiquity 

The night was not so pleasant as the evening  for it got chilly 
and being put between two gentlemen  the rough faced one and
another  to prevent my tumbling off the coach  I was nearly
smothered by their falling asleep  and completely blocking me up 
They squeezed me so hard sometimes  that I could not help crying
out   Oh   If you please     which they didn t like at all  because
it woke them   Opposite me was an elderly lady in a great fur
cloak  who looked in the dark more like a haystack than a lady  she
was wrapped up to such a degree   This lady had a basket with her 
and she hadn t known what to do with it  for a long time  until she
found that on account of my legs being short  it could go
underneath me   It cramped and hurt me so  that it made me
perfectly miserable  but if I moved in the least  and made a glass
that was in the basket rattle against something else  as it was
sure to do   she gave me the cruellest poke with her foot  and
said   Come  don t YOU fidget   YOUR bones are young enough  I m
sure  

At last the sun rose  and then my companions seemed to sleep
easier   The difficulties under which they had laboured all night 
and which had found utterance in the most terrific gasps and
snorts  are not to be conceived   As the sun got higher  their
sleep became lighter  and so they gradually one by one awoke   I
recollect being very much surprised by the feint everybody made 
then  of not having been to sleep at all  and by the uncommon
indignation with which everyone repelled the charge   I labour
under the same kind of astonishment to this day  having invariably
observed that of all human weaknesses  the one to which our common
nature is the least disposed to confess  I cannot imagine why  is
the weakness of having gone to sleep in a coach 

What an amazing place London was to me when I saw it in the
distance  and how I believed all the adventures of all my favourite
heroes to be constantly enacting and re enacting there  and how I
vaguely made it out in my own mind to be fuller of wonders and
wickedness than all the cities of the earth  I need not stop here
to relate   We approached it by degrees  and got  in due time  to
the inn in the Whitechapel district  for which we were bound   I
forget whether it was the Blue Bull  or the Blue Boar  but I know
it was the Blue Something  and that its likeness was painted up on
the back of the coach 

The guard s eye lighted on me as he was getting down  and he said
at the booking office door 

 Is there anybody here for a yoongster booked in the name of
Murdstone  from Bloonderstone  Sooffolk  to be left till called
for  

Nobody answered 

 Try Copperfield  if you please  sir   said I  looking helplessly
down 

 Is there anybody here for a yoongster  booked in the name of
Murdstone  from Bloonderstone  Sooffolk  but owning to the name of
Copperfield  to be left till called for   said the guard    Come 
IS there anybody  

No   There was nobody   I looked anxiously around  but the inquiry
made no impression on any of the bystanders  if I except a man in
gaiters  with one eye  who suggested that they had better put a
brass collar round my neck  and tie me up in the stable 

A ladder was brought  and I got down after the lady  who was like
a haystack  not daring to stir  until her basket was removed   The
coach was clear of passengers by that time  the luggage was very
soon cleared out  the horses had been taken out before the luggage 
and now the coach itself was wheeled and backed off by some
hostlers  out of the way   Still  nobody appeared  to claim the
dusty youngster from Blunderstone  Suffolk 

More solitary than Robinson Crusoe  who had nobody to look at him
and see that he was solitary  I went into the booking office  and 
by invitation of the clerk on duty  passed behind the counter  and
sat down on the scale at which they weighed the luggage   Here  as
I sat looking at the parcels  packages  and books  and inhaling the
smell of stables  ever since associated with that morning   a
procession of most tremendous considerations began to march through
my mind   Supposing nobody should ever fetch me  how long would
they consent to keep me there   Would they keep me long enough to
spend seven shillings   Should I sleep at night in one of those
wooden bins  with the other luggage  and wash myself at the pump in
the yard in the morning  or should I be turned out every night  and
expected to come again to be left till called for  when the office
opened next day   Supposing there was no mistake in the case  and
Mr  Murdstone had devised this plan to get rid of me  what should
I do   If they allowed me to remain there until my seven shillings
were spent  I couldn t hope to remain there when I began to starve 
That would obviously be inconvenient and unpleasant to the
customers  besides entailing on the Blue Whatever it was  the risk
of funeral expenses   If I started off at once  and tried to walk
back home  how could I ever find my way  how could I ever hope to
walk so far  how could I make sure of anyone but Peggotty  even if
I got back   If I found out the nearest proper authorities  and
offered myself to go for a soldier  or a sailor  I was such a
little fellow that it was most likely they wouldn t take me in 
These thoughts  and a hundred other such thoughts  turned me
burning hot  and made me giddy with apprehension and dismay   I was
in the height of my fever when a man entered and whispered to the
clerk  who presently slanted me off the scale  and pushed me over
to him  as if I were weighed  bought  delivered  and paid for 

As I went out of the office  hand in hand with this new
acquaintance  I stole a look at him   He was a gaunt  sallow young
man  with hollow cheeks  and a chin almost as black as Mr 
Murdstone s  but there the likeness ended  for his whiskers were
shaved off  and his hair  instead of being glossy  was rusty and
dry   He was dressed in a suit of black clothes which were rather
rusty and dry too  and rather short in the sleeves and legs  and he
had a white neck kerchief on  that was not over clean   I did not 
and do not  suppose that this neck kerchief was all the linen he
wore  but it was all he showed or gave any hint of 

 You re the new boy   he said 
 Yes  sir   I said 

I supposed I was   I didn t know 

 I m one of the masters at Salem House   he said 

I made him a bow and felt very much overawed   I was so ashamed to
allude to a commonplace thing like my box  to a scholar and a
master at Salem House  that we had gone some little distance from
the yard before I had the hardihood to mention it   We turned back 
on my humbly insinuating that it might be useful to me hereafter 
and he told the clerk that the carrier had instructions to call for
it at noon 

 If you please  sir   I said  when we had accomplished about the
same distance as before   is it far  

 It s down by Blackheath   he said 

 Is that far  sir   I diffidently asked 

 It s a good step   he said    We shall go by the stage coach 
It s about six miles  

I was so faint and tired  that the idea of holding out for six
miles more  was too much for me   I took heart to tell him that I
had had nothing all night  and that if he would allow me to buy
something to eat  I should be very much obliged to him   He
appeared surprised at this   I see him stop and look at me now  
and after considering for a few moments  said he wanted to call on
an old person who lived not far off  and that the best way would be
for me to buy some bread  or whatever I liked best that was
wholesome  and make my breakfast at her house  where we could get
some milk 

Accordingly we looked in at a baker s window  and after I had made
a series of proposals to buy everything that was bilious in the
shop  and he had rejected them one by one  we decided in favour of
a nice little loaf of brown bread  which cost me threepence   Then 
at a grocer s shop  we bought an egg and a slice of streaky bacon 
which still left what I thought a good deal of change  out of the
second of the bright shillings  and made me consider London a very
cheap place   These provisions laid in  we went on through a great
noise and uproar that confused my weary head beyond description 
and over a bridge which  no doubt  was London Bridge  indeed I
think he told me so  but I was half asleep   until we came to the
poor person s house  which was a part of some alms houses  as I
knew by their look  and by an inscription on a stone over the gate
which said they were established for twenty five poor women 

The Master at Salem House lifted the latch of one of a number of
little black doors that were all alike  and had each a little
diamond paned window on one side  and another little diamond  paned
window above  and we went into the little house of one of these
poor old women  who was blowing a fire to make a little saucepan
boil   On seeing the master enter  the old woman stopped with the
bellows on her knee  and said something that I thought sounded like
 My Charley   but on seeing me come in too  she got up  and rubbing
her hands made a confused sort of half curtsey 

 Can you cook this young gentleman s breakfast for him  if you
please   said the Master at Salem House 

 Can I   said the old woman    Yes can I  sure  

 How s Mrs  Fibbitson today   said the Master  looking at another
old woman in a large chair by the fire  who was such a bundle of
clothes that I feel grateful to this hour for not having sat upon
her by mistake 

 Ah  she s poorly   said the first old woman    It s one of her bad
days   If the fire was to go out  through any accident  I verily
believe she d go out too  and never come to life again  

As they looked at her  I looked at her also   Although it was a
warm day  she seemed to think of nothing but the fire   I fancied
she was jealous even of the saucepan on it  and I have reason to
know that she took its impressment into the service of boiling my
egg and broiling my bacon  in dudgeon  for I saw her  with my own
discomfited eyes  shake her fist at me once  when those culinary
operations were going on  and no one else was looking   The sun
streamed in at the little window  but she sat with her own back and
the back of the large chair towards it  screening the fire as if
she were sedulously keeping IT warm  instead of it keeping her
warm  and watching it in a most distrustful manner   The completion
of the preparations for my breakfast  by relieving the fire  gave
her such extreme joy that she laughed aloud   and a very
unmelodious laugh she had  I must say 

I sat down to my brown loaf  my egg  and my rasher of bacon  with
a basin of milk besides  and made a most delicious meal   While I
was yet in the full enjoyment of it  the old woman of the house
said to the Master 

 Have you got your flute with you  

 Yes   he returned 

 Have a blow at it   said the old woman  coaxingly    Do  

The Master  upon this  put his hand underneath the skirts of his
coat  and brought out his flute in three pieces  which he screwed
together  and began immediately to play   My impression is  after
many years of consideration  that there never can have been anybody
in the world who played worse   He made the most dismal sounds I
have ever heard produced by any means  natural or artificial   I
don t know what the tunes were   if there were such things in the
performance at all  which I doubt   but the influence of the strain
upon me was  first  to make me think of all my sorrows until I
could hardly keep my tears back  then to take away my appetite  and
lastly  to make me so sleepy that I couldn t keep my eyes open 
They begin to close again  and I begin to nod  as the recollection
rises fresh upon me   Once more the little room  with its open
corner cupboard  and its square backed chairs  and its angular
little staircase leading to the room above  and its three peacock s
feathers displayed over the mantelpiece   I remember wondering when
I first went in  what that peacock would have thought if he had
known what his finery was doomed to come to   fades from before me 
and I nod  and sleep   The flute becomes inaudible  the wheels of
the coach are heard instead  and I am on my journey   The coach
jolts  I wake with a start  and the flute has come back again  and
the Master at Salem House is sitting with his legs crossed  playing
it dolefully  while the old woman of the house looks on delighted 
She fades in her turn  and he fades  and all fades  and there is no
flute  no Master  no Salem House  no David Copperfield  no anything
but heavy sleep 

I dreamed  I thought  that once while he was blowing into this
dismal flute  the old woman of the house  who had gone nearer and
nearer to him in her ecstatic admiration  leaned over the back of
his chair and gave him an affectionate squeeze round the neck 
which stopped his playing for a moment   I was in the middle state
between sleeping and waking  either then or immediately afterwards 
for  as he resumed   it was a real fact that he had stopped playing
  I saw and heard the same old woman ask Mrs  Fibbitson if it
wasn t delicious  meaning the flute   to which Mrs  Fibbitson
replied   Ay  ay  yes   and nodded at the fire  to which  I am
persuaded  she gave the credit of the whole performance 

When I seemed to have been dozing a long while  the Master at Salem
House unscrewed his flute into the three pieces  put them up as
before  and took me away   We found the coach very near at hand 
and got upon the roof  but I was so dead sleepy  that when we
stopped on the road to take up somebody else  they put me inside
where there were no passengers  and where I slept profoundly  until
I found the coach going at a footpace up a steep hill among green
leaves   Presently  it stopped  and had come to its destination 

A short walk brought us   I mean the Master and me   to Salem
House  which was enclosed with a high brick wall  and looked very
dull   Over a door in this wall was a board with SALEM HousE upon
it  and through a grating in this door we were surveyed when we
rang the bell by a surly face  which I found  on the door being
opened  belonged to a stout man with a bull neck  a wooden leg 
overhanging temples  and his hair cut close all round his head 

 The new boy   said the Master 

The man with the wooden leg eyed me all over   it didn t take long 
for there was not much of me   and locked the gate behind us  and
took out the key   We were going up to the house  among some dark
heavy trees  when he called after my conductor 
 Hallo  

We looked back  and he was standing at the door of a little lodge 
where he lived  with a pair of boots in his hand 

 Here   The cobbler s been   he said   since you ve been out  Mr 
Mell  and he says he can t mend  em any more   He says there ain t
a bit of the original boot left  and he wonders you expect it  

With these words he threw the boots towards Mr  Mell  who went back
a few paces to pick them up  and looked at them  very
disconsolately  I was afraid   as we went on together   I observed
then  for the first time  that the boots he had on were a good deal
the worse for wear  and that his stocking was just breaking out in
one place  like a bud 

Salem House was a square brick building with wings  of a bare and
unfurnished appearance   All about it was so very quiet  that I
said to Mr  Mell I supposed the boys were out  but he seemed
surprised at my not knowing that it was holiday time   That all the
boys were at their several homes   That Mr  Creakle  the
proprietor  was down by the sea side with Mrs  and Miss Creakle 
and that I was sent in holiday time as a punishment for my
misdoing  all of which he explained to me as we went along 

I gazed upon the schoolroom into which he took me  as the most
forlorn and desolate place I had ever seen   I see it now   A long
room with three long rows of desks  and six of forms  and bristling
all round with pegs for hats and slates   Scraps of old copy books
and exercises litter the dirty floor   Some silkworms  houses  made
of the same materials  are scattered over the desks   Two miserable
little white mice  left behind by their owner  are running up and
down in a fusty castle made of pasteboard and wire  looking in all
the corners with their red eyes for anything to eat   A bird  in a
cage very little bigger than himself  makes a mournful rattle now
and then in hopping on his perch  two inches high  or dropping from
it  but neither sings nor chirps   There is a strange unwholesome
smell upon the room  like mildewed corduroys  sweet apples wanting
air  and rotten books   There could not well be more ink splashed
about it  if it had been roofless from its first construction  and
the skies had rained  snowed  hailed  and blown ink through the
varying seasons of the year 

Mr  Mell having left me while he took his irreparable boots
upstairs  I went softly to the upper end of the room  observing all
this as I crept along   Suddenly I came upon a pasteboard placard 
beautifully written  which was lying on the desk  and bore these
words   TAKE CARE OF HIM   HE BITES  

I got upon the desk immediately  apprehensive of at least a great
dog underneath   But  though I looked all round with anxious eyes 
I could see nothing of him   I was still engaged in peering about 
when Mr  Mell came back  and asked me what I did up there 

 I beg your pardon  sir   says I   if you please  I m looking for
the dog  

 Dog   he says    What dog  

 Isn t it a dog  sir  

 Isn t what a dog  

 That s to be taken care of  sir  that bites  

 No  Copperfield   says he  gravely   that s not a dog   That s a
boy   My instructions are  Copperfield  to put this placard on your
back   I am sorry to make such a beginning with you  but I must do
it    With that he took me down  and tied the placard  which was
neatly constructed for the purpose  on my shoulders like a
knapsack  and wherever I went  afterwards  I had the consolation of
carrying it 

What I suffered from that placard  nobody can imagine   Whether it
was possible for people to see me or not  I always fancied that
somebody was reading it   It was no relief to turn round and find
nobody  for wherever my back was  there I imagined somebody always
to be   That cruel man with the wooden leg aggravated my
sufferings   He was in authority  and if he ever saw me leaning
against a tree  or a wall  or the house  he roared out from his
lodge door in a stupendous voice   Hallo  you sir   You
Copperfield   Show that badge conspicuous  or I ll report you  
The playground was a bare gravelled yard  open to all the back of
the house and the offices  and I knew that the servants read it 
and the butcher read it  and the baker read it  that everybody  in
a word  who came backwards and forwards to the house  of a morning
when I was ordered to walk there  read that I was to be taken care
of  for I bit  I recollect that I positively began to have a dread
of myself  as a kind of wild boy who did bite 

There was an old door in this playground  on which the boys had a
custom of carving their names   It was completely covered with such
inscriptions   In my dread of the end of the vacation and their
coming back  I could not read a boy s name  without inquiring in
what tone and with what emphasis HE would read   Take care of him 
He bites    There was one boy   a certain J  Steerforth   who cut
his name very deep and very often  who  I conceived  would read it
in a rather strong voice  and afterwards pull my hair   There was
another boy  one Tommy Traddles  who I dreaded would make game of
it  and pretend to be dreadfully frightened of me   There was a
third  George Demple  who I fancied would sing it   I have looked 
a little shrinking creature  at that door  until the owners of all
the names   there were five and forty of them in the school then 
Mr  Mell said   seemed to send me to Coventry by general
acclamation  and to cry out  each in his own way   Take care of
him   He bites  

It was the same with the places at the desks and forms   It was the
same with the groves of deserted bedsteads I peeped at  on my way
to  and when I was in  my own bed   I remember dreaming night after
night  of being with my mother as she used to be  or of going to a
party at Mr  Peggotty s  or of travelling outside the stage coach 
or of dining again with my unfortunate friend the waiter  and in
all these circumstances making people scream and stare  by the
unhappy disclosure that I had nothing on but my little night shirt 
and that placard 

In the monotony of my life  and in my constant apprehension of the
re opening of the school  it was such an insupportable affliction 
I had long tasks every day to do with Mr  Mell  but I did them 
there being no Mr  and Miss Murdstone here  and got through them
without disgrace   Before  and after them  I walked about  
supervised  as I have mentioned  by the man with the wooden leg 
How vividly I call to mind the damp about the house  the green
cracked flagstones in the court  an old leaky water butt  and the
discoloured trunks of some of the grim trees  which seemed to have
dripped more in the rain than other trees  and to have blown less
in the sun   At one we dined  Mr  Mell and I  at the upper end of
a long bare dining room  full of deal tables  and smelling of fat 
Then  we had more tasks until tea  which Mr  Mell drank out of a
blue teacup  and I out of a tin pot   All day long  and until seven
or eight in the evening  Mr  Mell  at his own detached desk in the
schoolroom  worked hard with pen  ink  ruler  books  and writing 
paper  making out the bills  as I found  for last half year   When
he had put up his things for the night he took out his flute  and
blew at it  until I almost thought he would gradually blow his
whole being into the large hole at the top  and ooze away at the
keys 

I picture my small self in the dimly lighted rooms  sitting with my
head upon my hand  listening to the doleful performance of Mr 
Mell  and conning tomorrow s lessons   I picture myself with my
books shut up  still listening to the doleful performance of Mr 
Mell  and listening through it to what used to be at home  and to
the blowing of the wind on Yarmouth flats  and feeling very sad and
solitary   I picture myself going up to bed  among the unused
rooms  and sitting on my bed side crying for a comfortable word
from Peggotty   I picture myself coming downstairs in the morning 
and looking through a long ghastly gash of a staircase window at
the school bell hanging on the top of an out house with a
weathercock above it  and dreading the time when it shall ring J 
Steerforth and the rest to work  which is only second  in my
foreboding apprehensions  to the time when the man with the wooden
leg shall unlock the rusty gate to give admission to the awful Mr 
Creakle   I cannot think I was a very dangerous character in any of
these aspects  but in all of them I carried the same warning on my
back 

Mr  Mell never said much to me  but he was never harsh to me   I
suppose we were company to each other  without talking   I forgot
to mention that he would talk to himself sometimes  and grin  and
clench his fist  and grind his teeth  and pull his hair in an
unaccountable manner   But he had these peculiarities  and at first
they frightened me  though I soon got used to them 



CHAPTER  
I ENLARGE MY CIRCLE OF ACQUAINTANCE


I HAD led this life about a month  when the man with the wooden leg
began to stump about with a mop and a bucket of water  from which
I inferred that preparations were making to receive Mr  Creakle and
the boys   I was not mistaken  for the mop came into the schoolroom
before long  and turned out Mr  Mell and me  who lived where we
could  and got on how we could  for some days  during which we were
always in the way of two or three young women  who had rarely shown
themselves before  and were so continually in the midst of dust
that I sneezed almost as much as if Salem House had been a great
snuff box 

One day I was informed by Mr  Mell that Mr  Creakle would be home
that evening   In the evening  after tea  I heard that he was come 
Before bedtime  I was fetched by the man with the wooden leg to
appear before him 

Mr  Creakle s part of the house was a good deal more comfortable
than ours  and he had a snug bit of garden that looked pleasant
after the dusty playground  which was such a desert in miniature 
that I thought no one but a camel  or a dromedary  could have felt
at home in it   It seemed to me a bold thing even to take notice
that the passage looked comfortable  as I went on my way 
trembling  to Mr  Creakle s presence  which so abashed me  when I
was ushered into it  that I hardly saw Mrs  Creakle or Miss Creakle
 who were both there  in the parlour   or anything but Mr  Creakle 
a stout gentleman with a bunch of watch chain and seals  in an
arm chair  with a tumbler and bottle beside him 

 So   said Mr  Creakle    This is the young gentleman whose teeth
are to be filed   Turn him round  

The wooden legged man turned me about so as to exhibit the placard 
and having afforded time for a full survey of it  turned me about
again  with my face to Mr  Creakle  and posted himself at Mr 
Creakle s side   Mr  Creakle s face was fiery  and his eyes were
small  and deep in his head  he had thick veins in his forehead  a
little nose  and a large chin   He was bald on the top of his head 
and had some thin wet looking hair that was just turning grey 
brushed across each temple  so that the two sides interlaced on his
forehead   But the circumstance about him which impressed me most 
was  that he had no voice  but spoke in a whisper   The exertion
this cost him  or the consciousness of talking in that feeble way 
made his angry face so much more angry  and his thick veins so much
thicker  when he spoke  that I am not surprised  on looking back 
at this peculiarity striking me as his chief one 
 Now   said Mr  Creakle    What s the report of this boy  

 There s nothing against him yet   returned the man with the wooden
leg    There has been no opportunity  

I thought Mr  Creakle was disappointed   I thought Mrs  and Miss
Creakle  at whom I now glanced for the first time  and who were 
both  thin and quiet  were not disappointed 

 Come here  sir   said Mr  Creakle  beckoning to me 

 Come here   said the man with the wooden leg  repeating the
gesture 

 I have the happiness of knowing your father in law   whispered Mr 
Creakle  taking me by the ear   and a worthy man he is  and a man
of a strong character   He knows me  and I know him   Do YOU know
me   Hey   said Mr  Creakle  pinching my ear with ferocious
playfulness 

 Not yet  sir   I said  flinching with the pain 

 Not yet   Hey   repeated Mr  Creakle    But you will soon   Hey  

 You will soon   Hey   repeated the man with the wooden leg   I
afterwards found that he generally acted  with his strong voice  as
Mr  Creakle s interpreter to the boys 

I was very much frightened  and said  I hoped so  if he pleased 
I felt  all this while  as if my ear were blazing  he pinched it so
hard 

 I ll tell you what I am   whispered Mr  Creakle  letting it go at
last  with a screw at parting that brought the water into my eyes 
 I m a Tartar  

 A Tartar   said the man with the wooden leg 

 When I say I ll do a thing  I do it   said Mr  Creakle   and when
I say I will have a thing done  I will have it done  

   Will have a thing done  I will have it done   repeated the man
with the wooden leg 

 I am a determined character   said Mr  Creakle    That s what I
am   I do my duty   That s what I do   My flesh and blood    he
looked at Mrs  Creakle as he said this    when it rises against me 
is not my flesh and blood   I discard it   Has that fellow    to
the man with the wooden leg   been here again  

 No   was the answer 

 No   said Mr  Creakle    He knows better   He knows me   Let him
keep away   I say let him keep away   said Mr  Creakle  striking
his hand upon the table  and looking at Mrs  Creakle   for he knows
me   Now you have begun to know me too  my young friend  and you
may go   Take him away  

I was very glad to be ordered away  for Mrs  and Miss Creakle were
both wiping their eyes  and I felt as uncomfortable for them as I
did for myself   But I had a petition on my mind which concerned me
so nearly  that I couldn t help saying  though I wondered at my own
courage 

 If you please  sir   

Mr  Creakle whispered   Hah   What s this   and bent his eyes upon
me  as if he would have burnt me up with them 

 If you please  sir   I faltered   if I might be allowed  I am very
sorry indeed  sir  for what I did  to take this writing off  before
the boys come back   

Whether Mr  Creakle was in earnest  or whether he only did it to
frighten me  I don t know  but he made a burst out of his chair 
before which I precipitately retreated  without waiting for the
escort Of the man with the wooden leg  and never once stopped until
I reached my own bedroom  where  finding I was not pursued  I went
to bed  as it was time  and lay quaking  for a couple of hours 

Next morning Mr  Sharp came back   Mr  Sharp was the first master 
and superior to Mr  Mell   Mr  Mell took his meals with the boys 
but Mr  Sharp dined and supped at Mr  Creakle s table   He was a
limp  delicate looking gentleman  I thought  with a good deal of
nose  and a way of carrying his head on one side  as if it were a
little too heavy for him   His hair was very smooth and wavy  but
I was informed by the very first boy who came back that it was a
wig  a second hand one HE said   and that Mr  Sharp went out every
Saturday afternoon to get it curled 

It was no other than Tommy Traddles who gave me this piece of
intelligence   He was the first boy who returned   He introduced
himself by informing me that I should find his name on the right 
hand corner of the gate  over the top bolt  upon that I said 
 Traddles   to which he replied   The same   and then he asked me
for a full account of myself and family 

It was a happy circumstance for me that Traddles came back first 
He enjoyed my placard so much  that he saved me from the
embarrassment of either disclosure or concealment  by presenting me
to every other boy who came back  great or small  immediately on
his arrival  in this form of introduction   Look here   Here s a
game    Happily  too  the greater part of the boys came back
low spirited  and were not so boisterous at my expense as I had
expected   Some of them certainly did dance about me like wild
Indians  and the greater part could not resist the temptation of
pretending that I was a dog  and patting and soothing me  lest I
should bite  and saying   Lie down  sir   and calling me Towzer 
This was naturally confusing  among so many strangers  and cost me
some tears  but on the whole it was much better than I had
anticipated 

I was not considered as being formally received into the school 
however  until J  Steerforth arrived   Before this boy  who was
reputed to be a great scholar  and was very good looking  and at
least half a dozen years my senior  I was carried as before a
magistrate   He inquired  under a shed in the playground  into the
particulars of my punishment  and was pleased to express his
opinion that it was  a jolly shame   for which I became bound to
him ever afterwards 

 What money have you got  Copperfield   he said  walking aside with
me when he had disposed of my affair in these terms   I told him
seven shillings 

 You had better give it to me to take care of   he said    At
least  you can if you like   You needn t if you don t like  

I hastened to comply with his friendly suggestion  and opening
Peggotty s purse  turned it upside down into his hand 

 Do you want to spend anything now   he asked me 

 No thank you   I replied 

 You can  if you like  you know   said Steerforth    Say the word  

 No  thank you  sir   I repeated 

 Perhaps you d like to spend a couple of shillings or so  in a
bottle of currant wine by and by  up in the bedroom   said
Steerforth    You belong to my bedroom  I find  

It certainly had not occurred to me before  but I said  Yes  I
should like that 

 Very good   said Steerforth    You ll be glad to spend another
shilling or so  in almond cakes  I dare say  

I said  Yes  I should like that  too 

 And another shilling or so in biscuits  and another in fruit  eh  
said Steerforth    I say  young Copperfield  you re going it  

I smiled because he smiled  but I was a little troubled in my mind 
too 

 Well   said Steerforth    We must make it stretch as far as we
can  that s all   I ll do the best in my power for you   I can go
out when I like  and I ll smuggle the prog in    With these words
he put the money in his pocket  and kindly told me not to make
myself uneasy  he would take care it should be all right 
He was as good as his word  if that were all right which I had a
secret misgiving was nearly all wrong   for I feared it was a waste
of my mother s two half crowns   though I had preserved the piece
of paper they were wrapped in  which was a precious saving   When
we went upstairs to bed  he produced the whole seven shillings 
worth  and laid it out on my bed in the moonlight  saying 

 There you are  young Copperfield  and a royal spread you ve got  

I couldn t think of doing the honours of the feast  at my time of
life  while he was by  my hand shook at the very thought of it   I
begged him to do me the favour of presiding  and my request being
seconded by the other boys who were in that room  he acceded to it 
and sat upon my pillow  handing round the viands   with perfect
fairness  I must say   and dispensing the currant wine in a little
glass without a foot  which was his own property   As to me  I sat
on his left hand  and the rest were grouped about us  on the
nearest beds and on the floor 

How well I recollect our sitting there  talking in whispers  or
their talking  and my respectfully listening  I ought rather to
say  the moonlight falling a little way into the room  through the
window  painting a pale window on the floor  and the greater part
of us in shadow  except when Steerforth dipped a match into a
phosphorus box  when he wanted to look for anything on the board 
and shed a blue glare over us that was gone directly   A certain
mysterious feeling  consequent on the darkness  the secrecy of the
revel  and the whisper in which everything was said  steals over me
again  and I listen to all they tell me with a vague feeling of
solemnity and awe  which makes me glad that they are all so near 
and frightens me  though I feign to laugh  when Traddles pretends
to see a ghost in the corner 

I heard all kinds of things about the school and all belonging to
it   I heard that Mr  Creakle had not preferred his claim to being
a Tartar without reason  that he was the sternest and most severe
of masters  that he laid about him  right and left  every day of
his life  charging in among the boys like a trooper  and slashing
away  unmercifully   That he knew nothing himself  but the art of
slashing  being more ignorant  J  Steerforth said  than the lowest
boy in the school  that he had been  a good many years ago  a small
hop dealer in the Borough  and had taken to the schooling business
after being bankrupt in hops  and making away with Mrs  Creakle s
money   With a good deal more of that sort  which I wondered how
they knew 

I heard that the man with the wooden leg  whose name was Tungay 
was an obstinate barbarian who had formerly assisted in the hop
business  but had come into the scholastic line with Mr  Creakle 
in consequence  as was supposed among the boys  of his having
broken his leg in Mr  Creakle s service  and having done a deal of
dishonest work for him  and knowing his secrets   I heard that with
the single exception of Mr  Creakle  Tungay considered the whole
establishment  masters and boys  as his natural enemies  and that
the only delight of his life was to be sour and malicious   I heard
that Mr  Creakle had a son  who had not been Tungay s friend  and
who  assisting in the school  had once held some remonstrance with
his father on an occasion when its discipline was very cruelly
exercised  and was supposed  besides  to have protested against his
father s usage of his mother   I heard that Mr  Creakle had turned
him out of doors  in consequence  and that Mrs  and Miss Creakle
had been in a sad way  ever since 

But the greatest wonder that I heard of Mr  Creakle was  there
being one boy in the school on whom he never ventured to lay a
hand  and that boy being J  Steerforth   Steerforth himself
confirmed this when it was stated  and said that he should like to
begin to see him do it   On being asked by a mild boy  not me  how
he would proceed if he did begin to see him do it  he dipped a
match into his phosphorus box on purpose to shed a glare over his
reply  and said he would commence by knocking him down with a blow
on the forehead from the seven and sixpenny ink bottle that was
always on the mantelpiece   We sat in the dark for some time 
breathless 

I heard that Mr  Sharp and Mr  Mell were both supposed to be
wretchedly paid  and that when there was hot and cold meat for
dinner at Mr  Creakle s table  Mr  Sharp was always expected to say
he preferred cold  which was again corroborated by J  Steerforth 
the only parlour boarder   I heard that Mr  Sharp s wig didn t fit
him  and that he needn t be so  bounceable    somebody else said
 bumptious    about it  because his own red hair was very plainly
to be seen behind 

I heard that one boy  who was a coal merchant s son  came as a
set off against the coal bill  and was called  on that account 
 Exchange or Barter    a name selected from the arithmetic book as
expressing this arrangement   I heard that the table beer was a
robbery of parents  and the pudding an imposition   I heard that
Miss Creakle was regarded by the school in general as being in love
with Steerforth  and I am sure  as I sat in the dark  thinking of
his nice voice  and his fine face  and his easy manner  and his
curling hair  I thought it very likely   I heard that Mr  Mell was
not a bad sort of fellow  but hadn t a sixpence to bless himself
with  and that there was no doubt that old Mrs  Mell  his mother 
was as poor as job   I thought of my breakfast then  and what had
sounded like  My Charley   but I was  I am glad to remember  as
mute as a mouse about it 

The hearing of all this  and a good deal more  outlasted the
banquet some time   The greater part of the guests had gone to bed
as soon as the eating and drinking were over  and we  who had
remained whispering and listening half undressed  at last betook
ourselves to bed  too 

 Good night  young Copperfield   said Steerforth    I ll take care
of you  
 You re very kind   I gratefully returned    I am very much obliged
to you  

 You haven t got a sister  have you   said Steerforth  yawning 

 No   I answered 

 That s a pity   said Steerforth    If you had had one  I should
think she would have been a pretty  timid  little  bright eyed sort
of girl   I should have liked to know her   Good night  young
Copperfield  

 Good night  sir   I replied 

I thought of him very much after I went to bed  and raised myself 
I recollect  to look at him where he lay in the moonlight  with his
handsome face turned up  and his head reclining easily on his arm 
He was a person of great power in my eyes  that was  of course  the
reason of my mind running on him   No veiled future dimly glanced
upon him in the moonbeams   There was no shadowy picture of his
footsteps  in the garden that I dreamed of walking in all night 



CHAPTER  
MY  FIRST HALF  AT SALEM HOUSE


School began in earnest next day   A profound impression was made
upon me  I remember  by the roar of voices in the schoolroom
suddenly becoming hushed as death when Mr  Creakle entered after
breakfast  and stood in the doorway looking round upon us like a
giant in a story book surveying his captives 

Tungay stood at Mr  Creakle s elbow   He had no occasion  I
thought  to cry out  Silence   so ferociously  for the boys were
all struck speechless and motionless 

Mr  Creakle was seen to speak  and Tungay was heard  to this
effect 

 Now  boys  this is a new half   Take care what you re about  in
this new half   Come fresh up to the lessons  I advise you  for I
come fresh up to the punishment   I won t flinch   It will be of no
use your rubbing yourselves  you won t rub the marks out that I
shall give you   Now get to work  every boy  

When this dreadful exordium was over  and Tungay had stumped out
again  Mr  Creakle came to where I sat  and told me that if I were
famous for biting  he was famous for biting  too   He then showed
me the cane  and asked me what I thought of THAT  for a tooth   Was
it a sharp tooth  hey   Was it a double tooth  hey   Had it a deep
prong  hey   Did it bite  hey   Did it bite   At every question he
gave me a fleshy cut with it that made me writhe  so I was very
soon made free of Salem House  as Steerforth said   and was very
soon in tears also 

Not that I mean to say these were special marks of distinction 
which only I received   On the contrary  a large majority of the
boys  especially the smaller ones  were visited with similar
instances of notice  as Mr  Creakle made the round of the
schoolroom   Half the establishment was writhing and crying  before
the day s work began  and how much of it had writhed and cried
before the day s work was over  I am really afraid to recollect 
lest I should seem to exaggerate 

I should think there never can have been a man who enjoyed his
profession more than Mr  Creakle did   He had a delight in cutting
at the boys  which was like the satisfaction of a craving appetite 
I am confident that he couldn t resist a chubby boy  especially 
that there was a fascination in such a subject  which made him
restless in his mind  until he had scored and marked him for the
day   I was chubby myself  and ought to know   I am sure when I
think of the fellow now  my blood rises against him with the
disinterested indignation I should feel if I could have known all
about him without having ever been in his power  but it rises
hotly  because I know him to have been an incapable brute  who had
no more right to be possessed of the great trust he held  than to
be Lord High Admiral  or Commander in Chief   in either of which
capacities it is probable that he would have done infinitely less
mischief 

Miserable little propitiators of a remorseless Idol  how abject we
were to him   What a launch in life I think it now  on looking
back  to be so mean and servile to a man of such parts and
pretensions 

Here I sit at the desk again  watching his eye   humbly watching
his eye  as he rules a ciphering book for another victim whose
hands have just been flattened by that identical ruler  and who is
trying to wipe the sting out with a pocket handkerchief   I have
plenty to do   I don t watch his eye in idleness  but because I am
morbidly attracted to it  in a dread desire to know what he will do
next  and whether it will be my turn to suffer  or somebody else s 
A lane of small boys beyond me  with the same interest in his eye 
watch it too   I think he knows it  though he pretends he don t 
He makes dreadful mouths as he rules the ciphering book  and now he
throws his eye sideways down our lane  and we all droop over our
books and tremble   A moment afterwards we are again eyeing him 
An unhappy culprit  found guilty of imperfect exercise  approaches
at his command   The culprit falters excuses  and professes a
determination to do better tomorrow   Mr  Creakle cuts a joke
before he beats him  and we laugh at it    miserable little dogs 
we laugh  with our visages as white as ashes  and our hearts
sinking into our boots 

Here I sit at the desk again  on a drowsy summer afternoon   A buzz
and hum go up around me  as if the boys were so many bluebottles 
A cloggy sensation of the lukewarm fat of meat is upon me  we dined
an hour or two ago   and my head is as heavy as so much lead   I
would give the world to go to sleep   I sit with my eye on Mr 
Creakle  blinking at him like a young owl  when sleep overpowers me
for a minute  he still looms through my slumber  ruling those
ciphering books  until he softly comes behind me and wakes me to
plainer perception of him  with a red ridge across my back 

Here I am in the playground  with my eye still fascinated by him 
though I can t see him   The window at a little distance from which
I know he is having his dinner  stands for him  and I eye that
instead   If he shows his face near it  mine assumes an imploring
and submissive expression   If he looks out through the glass  the
boldest boy  Steerforth excepted  stops in the middle of a shout or
yell  and becomes contemplative   One day  Traddles  the most
unfortunate boy in the world  breaks that window accidentally  with
a ball   I shudder at this moment with the tremendous sensation of
seeing it done  and feeling that the ball has bounded on to Mr 
Creakle s sacred head 

Poor Traddles   In a tight sky blue suit that made his arms and
legs like German sausages  or roly poly puddings  he was the
merriest and most miserable of all the boys   He was always being
caned   I think he was caned every day that half year  except one
holiday Monday when he was only ruler d on both hands   and was
always going to write to his uncle about it  and never did   After
laying his head on the desk for a little while  he would cheer up 
somehow  begin to laugh again  and draw skeletons all over his
slate  before his eyes were dry   I used at first to wonder what
comfort Traddles found in drawing skeletons  and for some time
looked upon him as a sort of hermit  who reminded himself by those
symbols of mortality that caning couldn t last for ever   But I
believe he only did it because they were easy  and didn t want any
features 

He was very honourable  Traddles was  and held it as a solemn duty
in the boys to stand by one another   He suffered for this on
several occasions  and particularly once  when Steerforth laughed
in church  and the Beadle thought it was Traddles  and took him
out   I see him now  going away in custody  despised by the
congregation   He never said who was the real offender  though he
smarted for it next day  and was imprisoned so many hours that he
came forth with a whole churchyard full of skeletons swarming all
over his Latin Dictionary   But he had his reward   Steerforth said
there was nothing of the sneak in Traddles  and we all felt that to
be the highest praise   For my part  I could have gone through a
good deal  though I was much less brave than Traddles  and nothing
like so old  to have won such a recompense 

To see Steerforth walk to church before us  arm in arm with Miss
Creakle  was one of the great sights of my life   I didn t think
Miss Creakle equal to little Em ly in point of beauty  and I didn t
love her  I didn t dare   but I thought her a young lady of
extraordinary attractions  and in point of gentility not to be
surpassed   When Steerforth  in white trousers  carried her parasol
for her  I felt proud to know him  and believed that she could not
choose but adore him with all her heart   Mr  Sharp and Mr  Mell
were both notable personages in my eyes  but Steerforth was to them
what the sun was to two stars 

Steerforth continued his protection of me  and proved a very useful
friend  since nobody dared to annoy one whom he honoured with his
countenance   He couldn t   or at all events he didn t   defend me
from Mr  Creakle  who was very severe with me  but whenever I had
been treated worse than usual  he always told me that I wanted a
little of his pluck  and that he wouldn t have stood it himself 
which I felt he intended for encouragement  and considered to be
very kind of him   There was one advantage  and only one that I
know of  in Mr  Creakle s severity   He found my placard in his way
when he came up or down behind the form on which I sat  and wanted
to make a cut at me in passing  for this reason it was soon taken
off  and I saw it no more 

An accidental circumstance cemented the intimacy between Steerforth
and me  in a manner that inspired me with great pride and
satisfaction  though it sometimes led to inconvenience   It
happened on one occasion  when he was doing me the honour of
talking to me in the playground  that I hazarded the observation
that something or somebody   I forget what now   was like something
or somebody in Peregrine Pickle   He said nothing at the time  but
when I was going to bed at night  asked me if I had got that book 

I told him no  and explained how it was that I had read it  and all
those other books of which I have made mention 

 And do you recollect them   Steerforth said 

 Oh yes   I replied  I had a good memory  and I believed I
recollected them very well 

 Then I tell you what  young Copperfield   said Steerforth   you
shall tell  em to me   I can t get to sleep very early at night 
and I generally wake rather early in the morning   We ll go over
 em one after another   We ll make some regular Arabian Nights of
it  

I felt extremely flattered by this arrangement  and we commenced
carrying it into execution that very evening   What ravages I
committed on my favourite authors in the course of my
interpretation of them  I am not in a condition to say  and should
be very unwilling to know  but I had a profound faith in them  and
I had  to the best of my belief  a simple  earnest manner of
narrating what I did narrate  and these qualities went a long way 

The drawback was  that I was often sleepy at night  or out of
spirits and indisposed to resume the story  and then it was rather
hard work  and it must be done  for to disappoint or to displease
Steerforth was of course out of the question   In the morning  too 
when I felt weary  and should have enjoyed another hour s repose
very much  it was a tiresome thing to be roused  like the Sultana
Scheherazade  and forced into a long story before the getting up
bell rang  but Steerforth was resolute  and as he explained to me 
in return  my sums and exercises  and anything in my tasks that was
too hard for me  I was no loser by the transaction   Let me do
myself justice  however   I was moved by no interested or selfish
motive  nor was I moved by fear of him   I admired and loved him 
and his approval was return enough   It was so precious to me that
I look back on these trifles  now  with an aching heart 

Steerforth was considerate  too  and showed his consideration  in
one particular instance  in an unflinching manner that was a little
tantalizing  I suspect  to poor Traddles and the rest   Peggotty s
promised letter   what a comfortable letter it was    arrived
before  the half  was many weeks old  and with it a cake in a
perfect nest of oranges  and two bottles of cowslip wine   This
treasure  as in duty bound  I laid at the feet of Steerforth  and
begged him to dispense 

 Now  I ll tell you what  young Copperfield   said he   the wine
shall be kept to wet your whistle when you are story telling  

I blushed at the idea  and begged him  in my modesty  not to think
of it   But he said he had observed I was sometimes hoarse   a
little roopy was his exact expression   and it should be  every
drop  devoted to the purpose he had mentioned   Accordingly  it was
locked up in his box  and drawn off by himself in a phial  and
administered to me through a piece of quill in the cork  when I was
supposed to be in want of a restorative   Sometimes  to make it a
more sovereign specific  he was so kind as to squeeze orange juice
into it  or to stir it up with ginger  or dissolve a peppermint
drop in it  and although I cannot assert that the flavour was
improved by these experiments  or that it was exactly the compound
one would have chosen for a stomachic  the last thing at night and
the first thing in the morning  I drank it gratefully and was very
sensible of his attention 

We seem  to me  to have been months over Peregrine  and months more
over the other stories   The institution never flagged for want of
a story  I am certain  and the wine lasted out almost as well as
the matter   Poor Traddles   I never think of that boy but with a
strange disposition to laugh  and with tears in my eyes   was a
sort of chorus  in general  and affected to be convulsed with mirth
at the comic parts  and to be overcome with fear when there was any
passage of an alarming character in the narrative   This rather put
me out  very often   It was a great jest of his  I recollect  to
pretend that he couldn t keep his teeth from chattering  whenever
mention was made of an Alguazill in connexion with the adventures
of Gil Blas  and I remember that when Gil Blas met the captain of
the robbers in Madrid  this unlucky joker counterfeited such an
ague of terror  that he was overheard by Mr  Creakle  who was
prowling about the passage  and handsomely flogged for disorderly
conduct in the bedroom 
Whatever I had within me that was romantic and dreamy  was
encouraged by so much story telling in the dark  and in that
respect the pursuit may not have been very profitable to me   But
the being cherished as a kind of plaything in my room  and the
consciousness that this accomplishment of mine was bruited about
among the boys  and attracted a good deal of notice to me though I
was the youngest there  stimulated me to exertion   In a school
carried on by sheer cruelty  whether it is presided over by a dunce
or not  there is not likely to be much learnt   I believe our boys
were  generally  as ignorant a set as any schoolboys in existence 
they were too much troubled and knocked about to learn  they could
no more do that to advantage  than any one can do anything to
advantage in a life of constant misfortune  torment  and worry 
But my little vanity  and Steerforth s help  urged me on somehow 
and without saving me from much  if anything  in the way of
punishment  made me  for the time I was there  an exception to the
general body  insomuch that I did steadily pick up some crumbs of
knowledge 

In this I was much assisted by Mr  Mell  who had a liking for me
that I am grateful to remember   It always gave me pain to observe
that Steerforth treated him with systematic disparagement  and
seldom lost an occasion of wounding his feelings  or inducing
others to do so   This troubled me the more for a long time 
because I had soon told Steerforth  from whom I could no more keep
such a secret  than I could keep a cake or any other tangible
possession  about the two old women Mr  Mell had taken me to see 
and I was always afraid that Steerforth would let it out  and twit
him with it 

We little thought  any one of us  I dare say  when I ate my
breakfast that first morning  and went to sleep under the shadow of
the peacock s feathers to the sound of the flute  what consequences
would come of the introduction into those alms houses of my
insignificant person   But the visit had its unforeseen
consequences  and of a serious sort  too  in their way 

One day when Mr  Creakle kept the house from indisposition  which
naturally diffused a lively joy through the school  there was a
good deal of noise in the course of the morning s work   The great
relief and satisfaction experienced by the boys made them difficult
to manage  and though the dreaded Tungay brought his wooden leg in
twice or thrice  and took notes of the principal offenders  names 
no great impression was made by it  as they were pretty sure of
getting into trouble tomorrow  do what they would  and thought it
wise  no doubt  to enjoy themselves today 

It was  properly  a half holiday  being Saturday   But as the noise
in the playground would have disturbed Mr  Creakle  and the weather
was not favourable for going out walking  we were ordered into
school in the afternoon  and set some lighter tasks than usual 
which were made for the occasion   It was the day of the week on
which Mr  Sharp went out to get his wig curled  so Mr  Mell  who
always did the drudgery  whatever it was  kept school by himself 
If I could associate the idea of a bull or a bear with anyone so
mild as Mr  Mell  I should think of him  in connexion with that
afternoon when the uproar was at its height  as of one of those
animals  baited by a thousand dogs   I recall him bending his
aching head  supported on his bony hand  over the book on his desk 
and wretchedly endeavouring to get on with his tiresome work 
amidst an uproar that might have made the Speaker of the House of
Commons giddy   Boys started in and out of their places  playing at
puss in the corner with other boys  there were laughing boys 
singing boys  talking boys  dancing boys  howling boys  boys
shuffled with their feet  boys whirled about him  grinning  making
faces  mimicking him behind his back and before his eyes  mimicking
his poverty  his boots  his coat  his mother  everything belonging
to him that they should have had consideration for 

 Silence   cried Mr  Mell  suddenly rising up  and striking his
desk with the book    What does this mean   It s impossible to bear
it   It s maddening   How can you do it to me  boys  

It was my book that he struck his desk with  and as I stood beside
him  following his eye as it glanced round the room  I saw the boys
all stop  some suddenly surprised  some half afraid  and some sorry
perhaps 

Steerforth s place was at the bottom of the school  at the opposite
end of the long room   He was lounging with his back against the
wall  and his hands in his pockets  and looked at Mr  Mell with his
mouth shut up as if he were whistling  when Mr  Mell looked at him 

 Silence  Mr  Steerforth   said Mr  Mell 

 Silence yourself   said Steerforth  turning red    Whom are you
talking to  

 Sit down   said Mr  Mell 

 Sit down yourself   said Steerforth   and mind your business  

There was a titter  and some applause  but Mr  Mell was so white 
that silence immediately succeeded  and one boy  who had darted out
behind him to imitate his mother again  changed his mind  and
pretended to want a pen mended 

 If you think  Steerforth   said Mr  Mell   that I am not
acquainted with the power you can establish over any mind here   
he laid his hand  without considering what he did  as I supposed  
upon my head    or that I have not observed you  within a few
minutes  urging your juniors on to every sort of outrage against
me  you are mistaken  

 I don t give myself the trouble of thinking at all about you  
said Steerforth  coolly   so I m not mistaken  as it happens  

 And when you make use of your position of favouritism here  sir  
pursued Mr  Mell  with his lip trembling very much   to insult a
gentleman   

 A what    where is he   said Steerforth 

Here somebody cried out   Shame  J  Steerforth   Too bad    It was
Traddles  whom Mr  Mell instantly discomfited by bidding him hold
his tongue 

   To insult one who is not fortunate in life  sir  and who never
gave you the least offence  and the many reasons for not insulting
whom you are old enough and wise enough to understand   said Mr 
Mell  with his lips trembling more and more   you commit a mean and
base action   You can sit down or stand up as you please  sir 
Copperfield  go on  

 Young Copperfield   said Steerforth  coming forward up the room 
 stop a bit   I tell you what  Mr  Mell  once for all   When you
take the liberty of calling me mean or base  or anything of that
sort  you are an impudent beggar   You are always a beggar  you
know  but when you do that  you are an impudent beggar  

I am not clear whether he was going to strike Mr  Mell  or Mr  Mell
was going to strike him  or there was any such intention on either
side   I saw a rigidity come upon the whole school as if they had
been turned into stone  and found Mr  Creakle in the midst of us 
with Tungay at his side  and Mrs  and Miss Creakle looking in at
the door as if they were frightened   Mr  Mell  with his elbows on
his desk and his face in his hands  sat  for some moments  quite
still 

 Mr  Mell   said Mr  Creakle  shaking him by the arm  and his
whisper was so audible now  that Tungay felt it unnecessary to
repeat his words   you have not forgotten yourself  I hope  

 No  sir  no   returned the Master  showing his face  and shaking
his head  and rubbing his hands in great agitation    No  sir   No 
I have remembered myself  I   no  Mr  Creakle  I have not forgotten
myself  I   I have remembered myself  sir   I   I   could wish you
had remembered me a little sooner  Mr  Creakle   It   it   would
have been more kind  sir  more just  sir   It would have saved me
something  sir  

Mr  Creakle  looking hard at Mr  Mell  put his hand on Tungay s
shoulder  and got his feet upon the form close by  and sat upon the
desk   After still looking hard at Mr  Mell from his throne  as he
shook his head  and rubbed his hands  and remained in the same
state of agitation  Mr  Creakle turned to Steerforth  and said 

 Now  sir  as he don t condescend to tell me  what is this  

Steerforth evaded the question for a little while  looking in scorn
and anger on his opponent  and remaining silent   I could not help
thinking even in that interval  I remember  what a noble fellow he
was in appearance  and how homely and plain Mr  Mell looked opposed
to him 

 What did he mean by talking about favourites  then   said
Steerforth at length 

 Favourites   repeated Mr  Creakle  with the veins in his forehead
swelling quickly    Who talked about favourites  

 He did   said Steerforth 

 And pray  what did you mean by that  sir   demanded Mr  Creakle 
turning angrily on his assistant 

 I meant  Mr  Creakle   he returned in a low voice   as I said 
that no pupil had a right to avail himself of his position of
favouritism to degrade me  

 To degrade YOU   said Mr  Creakle    My stars   But give me leave
to ask you  Mr  What s your name   and here Mr  Creakle folded his
arms  cane and all  upon his chest  and made such a knot of his
brows that his little eyes were hardly visible below them 
 whether  when you talk about favourites  you showed proper respect
to me   To me  sir   said Mr  Creakle  darting his head at him
suddenly  and drawing it back again   the principal of this
establishment  and your employer  

 It was not judicious  sir  I am willing to admit   said Mr  Mell 
 I should not have done so  if I had been cool  

Here Steerforth struck in 

 Then he said I was mean  and then he said I was base  and then I
called him a beggar   If I had been cool  perhaps I shouldn t have
called him a beggar   But I did  and I am ready to take the
consequences of it  

Without considering  perhaps  whether there were any consequences
to be taken  I felt quite in a glow at this gallant speech   It
made an impression on the boys too  for there was a low stir among
them  though no one spoke a word 

 I am surprised  Steerforth   although your candour does you
honour   said Mr  Creakle   does you honour  certainly   I am
surprised  Steerforth  I must say  that you should attach such an
epithet to any person employed and paid in Salem House  sir  

Steerforth gave a short laugh 

 That s not an answer  sir   said Mr  Creakle   to my remark   I
expect more than that from you  Steerforth  

If Mr  Mell looked homely  in my eyes  before the handsome boy  it
would be quite impossible to say how homely Mr  Creakle looked 
 Let him deny it   said Steerforth 

 Deny that he is a beggar  Steerforth   cried Mr  Creakle    Why 
where does he go a begging  

 If he is not a beggar himself  his near relation s one   said
Steerforth    It s all the same  

He glanced at me  and Mr  Mell s hand gently patted me upon the
shoulder   I looked up with a flush upon my face and remorse in my
heart  but Mr  Mell s eyes were fixed on Steerforth   He continued
to pat me kindly on the shoulder  but he looked at him 

 Since you expect me  Mr  Creakle  to justify myself   said
Steerforth   and to say what I mean    what I have to say is  that
his mother lives on charity in an alms house  

Mr  Mell still looked at him  and still patted me kindly on the
shoulder  and said to himself  in a whisper  if I heard right 
 Yes  I thought so  

Mr  Creakle turned to his assistant  with a severe frown and
laboured politeness 

 Now  you hear what this gentleman says  Mr  Mell   Have the
goodness  if you please  to set him right before the assembled
school  

 He is right  sir  without correction   returned Mr  Mell  in the
midst of a dead silence   what he has said is true  

 Be so good then as declare publicly  will you   said Mr  Creakle 
putting his head on one side  and rolling his eyes round the
school   whether it ever came to my knowledge until this moment  

 I believe not directly   he returned 

 Why  you know not   said Mr  Creakle    Don t you  man  

 I apprehend you never supposed my worldly circumstances to be very
good   replied the assistant    You know what my position is  and
always has been  here  

 I apprehend  if you come to that   said Mr  Creakle  with his
veins swelling again bigger than ever   that you ve been in a wrong
position altogether  and mistook this for a charity school   Mr 
Mell  we ll part  if you please   The sooner the better  

 There is no time   answered Mr  Mell  rising   like the present  

 Sir  to you   said Mr  Creakle 

 I take my leave of you  Mr  Creakle  and all of you   said Mr 
Mell  glancing round the room  and again patting me gently on the
shoulders    James Steerforth  the best wish I can leave you is
that you may come to be ashamed of what you have done today   At
present I would prefer to see you anything rather than a friend  to
me  or to anyone in whom I feel an interest  

Once more he laid his hand upon my shoulder  and then taking his
flute and a few books from his desk  and leaving the key in it for
his successor  he went out of the school  with his property under
his arm   Mr  Creakle then made a speech  through Tungay  in which
he thanked Steerforth for asserting  though perhaps too warmly  the
independence and respectability of Salem House  and which he wound
up by shaking hands with Steerforth  while we gave three cheers  
I did not quite know what for  but I supposed for Steerforth  and
so joined in them ardently  though I felt miserable   Mr  Creakle
then caned Tommy Traddles for being discovered in tears  instead of
cheers  on account of Mr  Mell s departure  and went back to his
sofa  or his bed  or wherever he had come from 

We were left to ourselves now  and looked very blank  I recollect 
on one another   For myself  I felt so much self reproach and
contrition for my part in what had happened  that nothing would
have enabled me to keep back my tears but the fear that Steerforth 
who often looked at me  I saw  might think it unfriendly   or  I
should rather say  considering our relative ages  and the feeling
with which I regarded him  undutiful   if I showed the emotion
which distressed me   He was very angry with Traddles  and said he
was glad he had caught it 

Poor Traddles  who had passed the stage of lying with his head upon
the desk  and was relieving himself as usual with a burst of
skeletons  said he didn t care   Mr  Mell was ill used 

 Who has ill used him  you girl   said Steerforth 

 Why  you have   returned Traddles 

 What have I done   said Steerforth 

 What have you done   retorted Traddles    Hurt his feelings  and
lost him his situation  

 His feelings   repeated Steerforth disdainfully    His feelings
will soon get the better of it  I ll be bound   His feelings are
not like yours  Miss Traddles   As to his situation   which was a
precious one  wasn t it    do you suppose I am not going to write
home  and take care that he gets some money   Polly  

We thought this intention very noble in Steerforth  whose mother
was a widow  and rich  and would do almost anything  it was said 
that he asked her   We were all extremely glad to see Traddles so
put down  and exalted Steerforth to the skies  especially when he
told us  as he condescended to do  that what he had done had been
done expressly for us  and for our cause  and that he had conferred
a great boon upon us by unselfishly doing it 
But I must say that when I was going on with a story in the dark
that night  Mr  Mell s old flute seemed more than once to sound
mournfully in my ears  and that when at last Steerforth was tired 
and I lay down in my bed  I fancied it playing so sorrowfully
somewhere  that I was quite wretched 

I soon forgot him in the contemplation of Steerforth  who  in an
easy amateur way  and without any book  he seemed to me to know
everything by heart   took some of his classes until a new master
was found   The new master came from a grammar school  and before
he entered on his duties  dined in the parlour one day  to be
introduced to Steerforth   Steerforth approved of him highly  and
told us he was a Brick   Without exactly understanding what learned
distinction was meant by this  I respected him greatly for it  and
had no doubt whatever of his superior knowledge  though he never
took the pains with me   not that I was anybody   that Mr  Mell had
taken 

There was only one other event in this half year  out of the daily
school life  that made an impression upon me which still survives 
It survives for many reasons 

One afternoon  when we were all harassed into a state of dire
confusion  and Mr  Creakle was laying about him dreadfully  Tungay
came in  and called out in his usual strong way   Visitors for
Copperfield  

A few words were interchanged between him and Mr  Creakle  as  who
the visitors were  and what room they were to be shown into  and
then I  who had  according to custom  stood up on the announcement
being made  and felt quite faint with astonishment  was told to go
by the back stairs and get a clean frill on  before I repaired to
the dining room   These orders I obeyed  in such a flutter and
hurry of my young spirits as I had never known before  and when I
got to the parlour door  and the thought came into my head that it
might be my mother   I had only thought of Mr  or Miss Murdstone
until then   I drew back my hand from the lock  and stopped to have
a sob before I went in 

At first I saw nobody  but feeling a pressure against the door  I
looked round it  and there  to my amazement  were Mr  Peggotty and
Ham  ducking at me with their hats  and squeezing one another
against the wall   I could not help laughing  but it was much more
in the pleasure of seeing them  than at the appearance they made 
We shook hands in a very cordial way  and I laughed and laughed 
until I pulled out my pocket handkerchief and wiped my eyes 

Mr  Peggotty  who never shut his mouth once  I remember  during the
visit  showed great concern when he saw me do this  and nudged Ham
to say something 

 Cheer up  Mas r Davy bor    said Ham  in his simpering way    Why 
how you have growed  

 Am I grown   I said  drying my eyes   I was not crying at anything
in particular that I know of  but somehow it made me cry  to see
old friends 

 Growed  Mas r Davy bor    Ain t he growed   said Ham 

 Ain t he growed   said Mr  Peggotty 

They made me laugh again by laughing at each other  and then we all
three laughed until I was in danger of crying again 

 Do you know how mama is  Mr  Peggotty   I said    And how my dear 
dear  old Peggotty is  

 Oncommon   said Mr  Peggotty 

 And little Em ly  and Mrs  Gummidge  

 On   common   said Mr  Peggotty 

There was a silence   Mr  Peggotty  to relieve it  took two
prodigious lobsters  and an enormous crab  and a large canvas bag
of shrimps  out of his pockets  and piled them up in Ham s arms 

 You see   said Mr  Peggotty   knowing as you was partial to a
little relish with your wittles when you was along with us  we took
the liberty   The old Mawther biled  em  she did   Mrs  Gummidge
biled  em   Yes   said Mr  Peggotty  slowly  who I thought appeared
to stick to the subject on account of having no other subject
ready   Mrs  Gummidge  I do assure you  she biled  em  

I expressed my thanks  and Mr  Peggotty  after looking at Ham  who
stood smiling sheepishly over the shellfish  without making any
attempt to help him  said 

 We come  you see  the wind and tide making in our favour  in one
of our Yarmouth lugs to Gravesen    My sister she wrote to me the
name of this here place  and wrote to me as if ever I chanced to
come to Gravesen   I was to come over and inquire for Mas r Davy
and give her dooty  humbly wishing him well and reporting of the
fam ly as they was oncommon toe be sure   Little Em ly  you see 
she ll write to my sister when I go back  as I see you and as you
was similarly oncommon  and so we make it quite a merry 
go rounder  

I was obliged to consider a little before I understood what Mr 
Peggotty meant by this figure  expressive of a complete circle of
intelligence   I then thanked him heartily  and said  with a
consciousness of reddening  that I supposed little Em ly was
altered too  since we used to pick up shells and pebbles on the
beach 

 She s getting to be a woman  that s wot she s getting to be   said
Mr  Peggotty    Ask HIM  
He meant Ham  who beamed with delight and assent over the bag of
shrimps 

 Her pretty face   said Mr  Peggotty  with his own shining like a
light 

 Her learning   said Ham 

 Her writing   said Mr  Peggotty    Why it s as black as jet   And
so large it is  you might see it anywheres  

It was perfectly delightful to behold with what enthusiasm Mr 
Peggotty became inspired when he thought of his little favourite 
He stands before me again  his bluff hairy face irradiating with a
joyful love and pride  for which I can find no description   His
honest eyes fire up  and sparkle  as if their depths were stirred
by something bright   His broad chest heaves with pleasure   His
strong loose hands clench themselves  in his earnestness  and he
emphasizes what he says with a right arm that shows  in my pigmy
view  like a sledge hammer 

Ham was quite as earnest as he   I dare say they would have said
much more about her  if they had not been abashed by the unexpected
coming in of Steerforth  who  seeing me in a corner speaking with
two strangers  stopped in a song he was singing  and said   I
didn t know you were here  young Copperfield    for it was not the
usual visiting room  and crossed by us on his way out 

I am not sure whether it was in the pride of having such a friend
as Steerforth  or in the desire to explain to him how I came to
have such a friend as Mr  Peggotty  that I called to him as he was
going away   But I said  modestly   Good Heaven  how it all comes
back to me this long time afterwards   

 Don t go  Steerforth  if you please   These are two Yarmouth
boatmen   very kind  good people   who are relations of my nurse 
and have come from Gravesend to see me  

 Aye  aye   said Steerforth  returning    I am glad to see them 
How are you both  

There was an ease in his manner   a gay and light manner it was 
but not swaggering   which I still believe to have borne a kind of
enchantment with it   I still believe him  in virtue of this
carriage  his animal spirits  his delightful voice  his handsome
face and figure  and  for aught I know  of some inborn power of
attraction besides  which I think a few people possess   to have
carried a spell with him to which it was a natural weakness to
yield  and which not many persons could withstand   I could not but
see how pleased they were with him  and how they seemed to open
their hearts to him in a moment 

 You must let them know at home  if you please  Mr  Peggotty   I
said   when that letter is sent  that Mr  Steerforth is very kind
to me  and that I don t know what I should ever do here without
him  

 Nonsense   said Steerforth  laughing    You mustn t tell them
anything of the sort  

 And if Mr  Steerforth ever comes into Norfolk or Suffolk  Mr 
Peggotty   I said   while I am there  you may depend upon it I
shall bring him to Yarmouth  if he will let me  to see your house 
You never saw such a good house  Steerforth   It s made out of a
boat  

 Made out of a boat  is it   said Steerforth    It s the right sort
of a house for such a thorough built boatman  

 So  tis  sir  so  tis  sir   said Ham  grinning    You re right 
young gen l m n   Mas r Davy bor   gen l m n s right   A thorough 
built boatman   Hor  hor   That s what he is  too  

Mr  Peggotty was no less pleased than his nephew  though his
modesty forbade him to claim a personal compliment so vociferously 

 Well  sir   he said  bowing and chuckling  and tucking in the ends
of his neckerchief at his breast   I thankee  sir  I thankee   I do
my endeavours in my line of life  sir  

 The best of men can do no more  Mr  Peggotty   said Steerforth 
He had got his name already 

 I ll pound it  it s wot you do yourself  sir   said Mr  Peggotty 
shaking his head   and wot you do well   right well   I thankee 
sir   I m obleeged to you  sir  for your welcoming manner of me 
I m rough  sir  but I m ready   least ways  I hope I m ready  you
unnerstand   My house ain t much for to see  sir  but it s hearty
at your service if ever you should come along with Mas r Davy to
see it   I m a reg lar Dodman  I am   said Mr  Peggotty  by which
he meant snail  and this was in allusion to his being slow to go 
for he had attempted to go after every sentence  and had somehow or
other come back again   but I wish you both well  and I wish you
happy  

Ham echoed this sentiment  and we parted with them in the heartiest
manner   I was almost tempted that evening to tell Steerforth about
pretty little Em ly  but I was too timid of mentioning her name 
and too much afraid of his laughing at me   I remember that I
thought a good deal  and in an uneasy sort of way  about Mr 
Peggotty having said that she was getting on to be a woman  but I
decided that was nonsense 

We transported the shellfish  or the  relish  as Mr  Peggotty had
modestly called it  up into our room unobserved  and made a great
supper that evening   But Traddles couldn t get happily out of it 
He was too unfortunate even to come through a supper like anybody
else   He was taken ill in the night   quite prostrate he was   in
consequence of Crab  and after being drugged with black draughts
and blue pills  to an extent which Demple  whose father was a
doctor  said was enough to undermine a horse s constitution 
received a caning and six chapters of Greek Testament for refusing
to confess 

The rest of the half year is a jumble in my recollection of the
daily strife and struggle of our lives  of the waning summer and
the changing season  of the frosty mornings when we were rung out
of bed  and the cold  cold smell of the dark nights when we were
rung into bed again  of the evening schoolroom dimly lighted and
indifferently warmed  and the morning schoolroom which was nothing
but a great shivering machine  of the alternation of boiled beef
with roast beef  and boiled mutton with roast mutton  of clods of
bread and butter  dog s eared lesson books  cracked slates 
tear blotted copy books  canings  rulerings  hair cuttings  rainy
Sundays  suet puddings  and a dirty atmosphere of ink  surrounding
all 

I well remember though  how the distant idea of the holidays  after
seeming for an immense time to be a stationary speck  began to come
towards us  and to grow and grow   How from counting months  we
came to weeks  and then to days  and how I then began to be afraid
that I should not be sent for and when I learnt from Steerforth
that I had been sent for  and was certainly to go home  had dim
forebodings that I might break my leg first   How the breaking up
day changed its place fast  at last  from the week after next to
next week  this week  the day after tomorrow  tomorrow  today 
tonight   when I was inside the Yarmouth mail  and going home 

I had many a broken sleep inside the Yarmouth mail  and many an
incoherent dream of all these things   But when I awoke at
intervals  the ground outside the window was not the playground of
Salem House  and the sound in my ears was not the sound of Mr 
Creakle giving it to Traddles  but the sound of the coachman
touching up the horses 



CHAPTER  
MY HOLIDAYS   ESPECIALLY ONE HAPPY AFTERNOON


When we arrived before day at the inn where the mail stopped  which
was not the inn where my friend the waiter lived  I was shown up to
a nice little bedroom  with DOLPHIN painted on the door   Very cold
I was  I know  notwithstanding the hot tea they had given me before
a large fire downstairs  and very glad I was to turn into the
Dolphin s bed  pull the Dolphin s blankets round my head  and go to
sleep 

Mr  Barkis the carrier was to call for me in the morning at nine
o clock   I got up at eight  a little giddy from the shortness of
my night s rest  and was ready for him before the appointed time 
He received me exactly as if not five minutes had elapsed since we
were last together  and I had only been into the hotel to get
change for sixpence  or something of that sort 

As soon as I and my box were in the cart  and the carrier seated 
the lazy horse walked away with us all at his accustomed pace 

 You look very well  Mr  Barkis   I said  thinking he would like to
know it 

Mr  Barkis rubbed his cheek with his cuff  and then looked at his
cuff as if he expected to find some of the bloom upon it  but made
no other acknowledgement of the compliment 

 I gave your message  Mr  Barkis   I said   I wrote to Peggotty  

 Ah   said Mr  Barkis 

Mr  Barkis seemed gruff  and answered drily 

 Wasn t it right  Mr  Barkis   I asked  after a little hesitation 

 Why  no   said Mr  Barkis 

 Not the message  

 The message was right enough  perhaps   said Mr  Barkis   but it
come to an end there  

Not understanding what he meant  I repeated inquisitively   Came to
an end  Mr  Barkis  

 Nothing come of it   he explained  looking at me sideways    No
answer  

 There was an answer expected  was there  Mr  Barkis   said I 
opening my eyes   For this was a new light to me 

 When a man says he s willin    said Mr  Barkis  turning his glance
slowly on me again   it s as much as to say  that man s a waitin 
for a answer  

 Well  Mr  Barkis  

 Well   said Mr  Barkis  carrying his eyes back to his horse s
ears   that man s been a waitin  for a answer ever since  

 Have you told her so  Mr  Barkis  

 No   no   growled Mr  Barkis  reflecting about it    I ain t got
no call to go and tell her so   I never said six words to her
myself  I ain t a goin  to tell her so  

 Would you like me to do it  Mr  Barkis   said I  doubtfully 
 You might tell her  if you would   said Mr  Barkis  with another
slow look at me   that Barkis was a waitin  for a answer   Says you
  what name is it  

 Her name  

 Ah   said Mr  Barkis  with a nod of his head 

 Peggotty  

 Chrisen name   Or nat ral name   said Mr  Barkis 

 Oh  it s not her Christian name   Her Christian name is Clara  

 Is it though   said Mr  Barkis 

He seemed to find an immense fund of reflection in this
circumstance  and sat pondering and inwardly whistling for some
time 

 Well   he resumed at length    Says you   Peggotty   Barkis is
waitin  for a answer    Says she  perhaps   Answer to what    Says
you   To what I told you     What is that   says she    Barkis is
willin    says you  

This extremely artful suggestion Mr  Barkis accompanied with a
nudge of his elbow that gave me quite a stitch in my side   After
that  he slouched over his horse in his usual manner  and made no
other reference to the subject except  half an hour afterwards 
taking a piece of chalk from his pocket  and writing up  inside the
tilt of the cart   Clara Peggotty    apparently as a private
memorandum 

Ah  what a strange feeling it was to be going home when it was not
home  and to find that every object I looked at  reminded me of the
happy old home  which was like a dream I could never dream again 
The days when my mother and I and Peggotty were all in all to one
another  and there was no one to come between us  rose up before me
so sorrowfully on the road  that I am not sure I was glad to be
there   not sure but that I would rather have remained away  and
forgotten it in Steerforth s company   But there I was  and soon I
was at our house  where the bare old elm trees wrung their many
hands in the bleak wintry air  and shreds of the old rooks  nests
drifted away upon the wind 

The carrier put my box down at the garden gate  and left me   I
walked along the path towards the house  glancing at the windows 
and fearing at every step to see Mr  Murdstone or Miss Murdstone
lowering out of one of them   No face appeared  however  and being
come to the house  and knowing how to open the door  before dark 
without knocking  I went in with a quiet  timid step 

God knows how infantine the memory may have been  that was awakened
within me by the sound of my mother s voice in the old parlour 
when I set foot in the hall   She was singing in a low tone   I
think I must have lain in her arms  and heard her singing so to me
when I was but a baby   The strain was new to me  and yet it was so
old that it filled my heart brim full  like a friend come back from
a long absence 

I believed  from the solitary and thoughtful way in which my mother
murmured her song  that she was alone   And I went softly into the
room   She was sitting by the fire  suckling an infant  whose tiny
hand she held against her neck   Her eyes were looking down upon
its face  and she sat singing to it   I was so far right  that she
had no other companion 

I spoke to her  and she started  and cried out   But seeing me  she
called me her dear Davy  her own boy  and coming half across the
room to meet me  kneeled down upon the ground and kissed me  and
laid my head down on her bosom near the little creature that was
nestling there  and put its hand to my lips 

I wish I had died   I wish I had died then  with that feeling in my
heart   I should have been more fit for Heaven than I ever have
been since 

 He is your brother   said my mother  fondling me    Davy  my
pretty boy   My poor child    Then she kissed me more and more  and
clasped me round the neck   This she was doing when Peggotty came
running in  and bounced down on the ground beside us  and went mad
about us both for a quarter of an hour 

It seemed that I had not been expected so soon  the carrier being
much before his usual time   It seemed  too  that Mr  and Miss
Murdstone had gone out upon a visit in the neighbourhood  and would
not return before night   I had never hoped for this   I had never
thought it possible that we three could be together undisturbed 
once more  and I felt  for the time  as if the old days were come
back 

We dined together by the fireside   Peggotty was in attendance to
wait upon us  but my mother wouldn t let her do it  and made her
dine with us   I had my own old plate  with a brown view of a
man of war in full sail upon it  which Peggotty had hoarded
somewhere all the time I had been away  and would not have had
broken  she said  for a hundred pounds   I had my own old mug with
David on it  and my own old little knife and fork that wouldn t
cut 

While we were at table  I thought it a favourable occasion to tell
Peggotty about Mr  Barkis  who  before I had finished what I had to
tell her  began to laugh  and throw her apron over her face 

 Peggotty   said my mother    What s the matter  

Peggotty only laughed the more  and held her apron tight over her
face when my mother tried to pull it away  and sat as if her head
were in a bag 

 What are you doing  you stupid creature   said my mother 
laughing 

 Oh  drat the man   cried Peggotty    He wants to marry me  

 It would be a very good match for you  wouldn t it   said my
mother 

 Oh   I don t know   said Peggotty    Don t ask me   I wouldn t
have him if he was made of gold   Nor I wouldn t have anybody  

 Then  why don t you tell him so  you ridiculous thing   said my
mother 

 Tell him so   retorted Peggotty  looking out of her apron    He
has never said a word to me about it   He knows better   If he was
to make so bold as say a word to me  I should slap his face  

Her own was as red as ever I saw it  or any other face  I think 
but she only covered it again  for a few moments at a time  when
she was taken with a violent fit of laughter  and after two or
three of those attacks  went on with her dinner 

I remarked that my mother  though she smiled when Peggotty looked
at her  became more serious and thoughtful   I had seen at first
that she was changed   Her face was very pretty still  but it
looked careworn  and too delicate  and her hand was so thin and
white that it seemed to me to be almost transparent   But the
change to which I now refer was superadded to this  it was in her
manner  which became anxious and fluttered   At last she said 
putting out her hand  and laying it affectionately on the hand of
her old servant 

 Peggotty  dear  you are not going to be married  

 Me  ma am   returned Peggotty  staring    Lord bless you  no  

 Not just yet   said my mother  tenderly 

 Never   cried Peggotty 

My mother took her hand  and said 

 Don t leave me  Peggotty   Stay with me   It will not be for long 
perhaps   What should I ever do without you  

 Me leave you  my precious   cried Peggotty    Not for all the
world and his wife   Why  what s put that in your silly little
head     For Peggotty had been used of old to talk to my mother
sometimes like a child 

But my mother made no answer  except to thank her  and Peggotty
went running on in her own fashion 

 Me leave you   I think I see myself   Peggotty go away from you 
I should like to catch her at it   No  no  no   said Peggotty 
shaking her head  and folding her arms   not she  my dear   It
isn t that there ain t some Cats that would be well enough pleased
if she did  but they sha n t be pleased   They shall be aggravated 
I ll stay with you till I am a cross cranky old woman   And when
I m too deaf  and too lame  and too blind  and too mumbly for want
of teeth  to be of any use at all  even to be found fault with 
than I shall go to my Davy  and ask him to take me in  

 And  Peggotty   says I   I shall be glad to see you  and I ll make
you as welcome as a queen  

 Bless your dear heart   cried Peggotty    I know you will    And
she kissed me beforehand  in grateful acknowledgement of my
hospitality   After that  she covered her head up with her apron
again and had another laugh about Mr  Barkis   After that  she took
the baby out of its little cradle  and nursed it   After that  she
cleared the dinner table  after that  came in with another cap on 
and her work box  and the yard measure  and the bit of wax candle 
all just the same as ever 

We sat round the fire  and talked delightfully   I told them what
a hard master Mr  Creakle was  and they pitied me very much   I
told them what a fine fellow Steerforth was  and what a patron of
mine  and Peggotty said she would walk a score of miles to see him 
I took the little baby in my arms when it was awake  and nursed it
lovingly   When it was asleep again  I crept close to my mother s
side according to my old custom  broken now a long time  and sat
with my arms embracing her waist  and my little red cheek on her
shoulder  and once more felt her beautiful hair drooping over me  
like an angel s wing as I used to think  I recollect   and was very
happy indeed 

While I sat thus  looking at the fire  and seeing pictures in the
red hot coals  I almost believed that I had never been away  that
Mr  and Miss Murdstone were such pictures  and would vanish when
the fire got low  and that there was nothing real in all that I
remembered  save my mother  Peggotty  and I 

Peggotty darned away at a stocking as long as she could see  and
then sat with it drawn on her left hand like a glove  and her
needle in her right  ready to take another stitch whenever there
was a blaze   I cannot conceive whose stockings they can have been
that Peggotty was always darning  or where such an unfailing supply
of stockings in want of darning can have come from   From my
earliest infancy she seems to have been always employed in that
class of needlework  and never by any chance in any other 

 I wonder   said Peggotty  who was sometimes seized with a fit of
wondering on some most unexpected topic   what s become of Davy s
great aunt  
 Lor  Peggotty   observed my mother  rousing herself from a
reverie   what nonsense you talk  

 Well  but I really do wonder  ma am   said Peggotty 

 What can have put such a person in your head   inquired my mother 
 Is there nobody else in the world to come there  

 I don t know how it is   said Peggotty   unless it s on account of
being stupid  but my head never can pick and choose its people 
They come and they go  and they don t come and they don t go  just
as they like   I wonder what s become of her  

 How absurd you are  Peggotty   returned my mother    One would
suppose you wanted a second visit from her  

 Lord forbid   cried Peggotty 

 Well then  don t talk about such uncomfortable things  there s a
good soul   said my mother    Miss Betsey is shut up in her cottage
by the sea  no doubt  and will remain there   At all events  she is
not likely ever to trouble us again  

 No   mused Peggotty    No  that ain t likely at all     I wonder 
if she was to die  whether she d leave Davy anything  

 Good gracious me  Peggotty   returned my mother   what a
nonsensical woman you are  when you know that she took offence at
the poor dear boy s ever being born at all  

 I suppose she wouldn t be inclined to forgive him now   hinted
Peggotty 

 Why should she be inclined to forgive him now   said my mother 
rather sharply 

 Now that he s got a brother  I mean   said Peggotty 

MY mother immediately began to cry  and wondered how Peggotty dared
to say such a thing 

 As if this poor little innocent in its cradle had ever done any
harm to you or anybody else  you jealous thing   said she    You
had much better go and marry Mr  Barkis  the carrier   Why don t
you  

 I should make Miss Murdstone happy  if I was to   said Peggotty 

 What a bad disposition you have  Peggotty   returned my mother 
 You are as jealous of Miss Murdstone as it is possible for a
ridiculous creature to be   You want to keep the keys yourself  and
give out all the things  I suppose   I shouldn t be surprised if
you did   When you know that she only does it out of kindness and
the best intentions   You know she does  Peggotty   you know it
well  

Peggotty muttered something to the effect of  Bother the best
intentions   and something else to the effect that there was a
little too much of the best intentions going on 

 I know what you mean  you cross thing   said my mother    I
understand you  Peggotty  perfectly   You know I do  and I wonder
you don t colour up like fire   But one point at a time   Miss
Murdstone is the point now  Peggotty  and you sha n t escape from
it   Haven t you heard her say  over and over again  that she
thinks I am too thoughtless and too   a   a   

 Pretty   suggested Peggotty 

 Well   returned my mother  half laughing   and if she is so silly
as to say so  can I be blamed for it  

 No one says you can   said Peggotty 

 No  I should hope not  indeed   returned my mother    Haven t you
heard her say  over and over again  that on this account she wished
to spare me a great deal of trouble  which she thinks I am not
suited for  and which I really don t know myself that I AM suited
for  and isn t she up early and late  and going to and fro
continually   and doesn t she do all sorts of things  and grope
into all sorts of places  coal holes and pantries and I don t know
where  that can t be very agreeable   and do you mean to insinuate
that there is not a sort of devotion in that  

 I don t insinuate at all   said Peggotty 

 You do  Peggotty   returned my mother    You never do anything
else  except your work   You are always insinuating   You revel in
it   And when you talk of Mr  Murdstone s good intentions   

 I never talked of  em   said Peggotty 

 No  Peggotty   returned my mother   but you insinuated   That s
what I told you just now   That s the worst of you   You WILL
insinuate   I said  at the moment  that I understood you  and you
see I did   When you talk of Mr  Murdstone s good intentions  and
pretend to slight them  for I don t believe you really do  in your
heart  Peggotty   you must be as well convinced as I am how good
they are  and how they actuate him in everything   If he seems to
have been at all stern with a certain person  Peggotty   you
understand  and so I am sure does Davy  that I am not alluding to
anybody present   it is solely because he is satisfied that it is
for a certain person s benefit   He naturally loves a certain
person  on my account  and acts solely for a certain person s good 
He is better able to judge of it than I am  for I very well know
that I am a weak  light  girlish creature  and that he is a firm 
grave  serious man   And he takes   said my mother  with the tears
which were engendered in her affectionate nature  stealing down her
face   he takes great pains with me  and I ought to be very
thankful to him  and very submissive to him even in my thoughts 
and when I am not  Peggotty  I worry and condemn myself  and feel
doubtful of my own heart  and don t know what to do  

Peggotty sat with her chin on the foot of the stocking  looking
silently at the fire 

 There  Peggotty   said my mother  changing her tone   don t let us
fall out with one another  for I couldn t bear it   You are my true
friend  I know  if I have any in the world   When I call you a
ridiculous creature  or a vexatious thing  or anything of that
sort  Peggotty  I only mean that you are my true friend  and always
have been  ever since the night when Mr  Copperfield first brought
me home here  and you came out to the gate to meet me  

Peggotty was not slow to respond  and ratify the treaty of
friendship by giving me one of her best hugs   I think I had some
glimpses of the real character of this conversation at the time 
but I am sure  now  that the good creature originated it  and took
her part in it  merely that my mother might comfort herself with
the little contradictory summary in which she had indulged   The
design was efficacious  for I remember that my mother seemed more
at ease during the rest of the evening  and that Peggotty observed
her less 

When we had had our tea  and the ashes were thrown up  and the
candles snuffed  I read Peggotty a chapter out of the Crocodile
Book  in remembrance of old times   she took it out of her pocket 
I don t know whether she had kept it there ever since   and then we
talked about Salem House  which brought me round again to
Steerforth  who was my great subject   We were very happy  and that
evening  as the last of its race  and destined evermore to close
that volume of my life  will never pass out of my memory 

It was almost ten o clock before we heard the sound of wheels   We
all got up then  and my mother said hurriedly that  as it was so
late  and Mr  and Miss Murdstone approved of early hours for young
people  perhaps I had better go to bed   I kissed her  and went
upstairs with my candle directly  before they came in   It appeared
to my childish fancy  as I ascended to the bedroom where I had been
imprisoned  that they brought a cold blast of air into the house
which blew away the old familiar feeling like a feather 

I felt uncomfortable about going down to breakfast in the morning 
as I had never set eyes on Mr  Murdstone since the day when I
committed my memorable offence   However  as it must be done  I
went down  after two or three false starts half way  and as many
runs back on tiptoe to my own room  and presented myself in the
parlour 

He was standing before the fire with his back to it  while Miss
Murdstone made the tea   He looked at me steadily as I entered  but
made no sign of recognition whatever 
I went up to him  after a moment of confusion  and said   I beg
your pardon  sir   I am very sorry for what I did  and I hope you
will forgive me  

 I am glad to hear you are sorry  David   he replied 

The hand he gave me was the hand I had bitten   I could not
restrain my eye from resting for an instant on a red spot upon it 
but it was not so red as I turned  when I met that sinister
expression in his face 

 How do you do  ma am   I said to Miss Murdstone 

 Ah  dear me   sighed Miss Murdstone  giving me the tea caddy scoop
instead of her fingers    How long are the holidays  

 A month  ma am  

 Counting from when  

 From today  ma am  

 Oh   said Miss Murdstone    Then here s one day off  

She kept a calendar of the holidays in this way  and every morning
checked a day off in exactly the same manner   She did it gloomily
until she came to ten  but when she got into two figures she became
more hopeful  and  as the time advanced  even jocular 

It was on this very first day that I had the misfortune to throw
her  though she was not subject to such weakness in general  into
a state of violent consternation   I came into the room where she
and my mother were sitting  and the baby  who was only a few weeks
old  being on my mother s lap  I took it very carefully in my arms 
Suddenly Miss Murdstone gave such a scream that I all but dropped
it 

 My dear Jane   cried my mother 

 Good heavens  Clara  do you see   exclaimed Miss Murdstone 

 See what  my dear Jane   said my mother   where  

 He s got it   cried Miss Murdstone    The boy has got the baby  

She was limp with horror  but stiffened herself to make a dart at
me  and take it out of my arms   Then  she turned faint  and was so
very ill that they were obliged to give her cherry brandy   I was
solemnly interdicted by her  on her recovery  from touching my
brother any more on any pretence whatever  and my poor mother  who 
I could see  wished otherwise  meekly confirmed the interdict  by
saying   No doubt you are right  my dear Jane  

On another occasion  when we three were together  this same dear
baby   it was truly dear to me  for our mother s sake   was the
innocent occasion of Miss Murdstone s going into a passion   My
mother  who had been looking at its eyes as it lay upon her lap 
said 

 Davy  come here   and looked at mine 

I saw Miss Murdstone lay her beads down 

 I declare   said my mother  gently   they are exactly alike   I
suppose they are mine   I think they are the colour of mine   But
they are wonderfully alike  

 What are you talking about  Clara   said Miss Murdstone 

 My dear Jane   faltered my mother  a little abashed by the harsh
tone of this inquiry   I find that the baby s eyes and Davy s are
exactly alike  

 Clara   said Miss Murdstone  rising angrily   you are a positive
fool sometimes  

 My dear Jane   remonstrated my mother 

 A positive fool   said Miss Murdstone    Who else could compare my
brother s baby with your boy   They are not at all alike   They are
exactly unlike   They are utterly dissimilar in all respects   I
hope they will ever remain so   I will not sit here  and hear such
comparisons made    With that she stalked out  and made the door
bang after her 

In short  I was not a favourite with Miss Murdstone   In short  I
was not a favourite there with anybody  not even with myself  for
those who did like me could not show it  and those who did not 
showed it so plainly that I had a sensitive consciousness of always
appearing constrained  boorish  and dull 

I felt that I made them as uncomfortable as they made me   If I
came into the room where they were  and they were talking together
and my mother seemed cheerful  an anxious cloud would steal over
her face from the moment of my entrance   If Mr  Murdstone were in
his best humour  I checked him   If Miss Murdstone were in her
worst  I intensified it   I had perception enough to know that my
mother was the victim always  that she was afraid to speak to me or
to be kind to me  lest she should give them some offence by her
manner of doing so  and receive a lecture afterwards  that she was
not only ceaselessly afraid of her own offending  but of my
offending  and uneasily watched their looks if I only moved 
Therefore I resolved to keep myself as much out of their way as I
could  and many a wintry hour did I hear the church clock strike 
when I was sitting in my cheerless bedroom  wrapped in my little
great coat  poring over a book 

In the evening  sometimes  I went and sat with Peggotty in the
kitchen   There I was comfortable  and not afraid of being myself 
But neither of these resources was approved of in the parlour   The
tormenting humour which was dominant there stopped them both   I
was still held to be necessary to my poor mother s training  and 
as one of her trials  could not be suffered to absent myself 

 David   said Mr  Murdstone  one day after dinner when I was going
to leave the room as usual   I am sorry to observe that you are of
a sullen disposition  

 As sulky as a bear   said Miss Murdstone 

I stood still  and hung my head 

 Now  David   said Mr  Murdstone   a sullen obdurate disposition
is  of all tempers  the worst  

 And the boy s is  of all such dispositions that ever I have seen  
remarked his sister   the most confirmed and stubborn   I think  my
dear Clara  even you must observe it  

 I beg your pardon  my dear Jane   said my mother   but are you
quite sure   I am certain you ll excuse me  my dear Jane   that you
understand Davy  

 I should be somewhat ashamed of myself  Clara   returned Miss
Murdstone   if I could not understand the boy  or any boy   I don t
profess to be profound  but I do lay claim to common sense  

 No doubt  my dear Jane   returned my mother   your understanding
is very vigorous   

 Oh dear  no   Pray don t say that  Clara   interposed Miss
Murdstone  angrily 

 But I am sure it is   resumed my mother   and everybody knows it
is   I profit so much by it myself  in many ways   at least I ought
to   that no one can be more convinced of it than myself  and
therefore I speak with great diffidence  my dear Jane  I assure
you  

 We ll say I don t understand the boy  Clara   returned Miss
Murdstone  arranging the little fetters on her wrists    We ll
agree  if you please  that I don t understand him at all   He is
much too deep for me   But perhaps my brother s penetration may
enable him to have some insight into his character   And I believe
my brother was speaking on the subject when we   not very decently
  interrupted him  

 I think  Clara   said Mr  Murdstone  in a low grave voice   that
there may be better and more dispassionate judges of such a
question than you  

 Edward   replied my mother  timidly   you are a far better judge
of all questions than I pretend to be   Both you and Jane are   I
only said   

 You only said something weak and inconsiderate   he replied    Try
not to do it again  my dear Clara  and keep a watch upon yourself  

MY mother s lips moved  as if she answered  Yes  my dear Edward  
but she said nothing aloud 

 I was sorry  David  I remarked   said Mr  Murdstone  turning his
head and his eyes stiffly towards me   to observe that you are of
a sullen disposition   This is not a character that I can suffer to
develop itself beneath my eyes without an effort at improvement 
You must endeavour  sir  to change it   We must endeavour to change
it for you  

 I beg your pardon  sir   I faltered    I have never meant to be
sullen since I came back  

 Don t take refuge in a lie  sir   he returned so fiercely  that I
saw my mother involuntarily put out her trembling hand as if to
interpose between us    You have withdrawn yourself in your
sullenness to your own room   You have kept your own room when you
ought to have been here   You know now  once for all  that I
require you to be here  and not there   Further  that I require you
to bring obedience here   You know me  David   I will have it
done  

Miss Murdstone gave a hoarse chuckle 

 I will have a respectful  prompt  and ready bearing towards
myself   he continued   and towards Jane Murdstone  and towards
your mother   I will not have this room shunned as if it were
infected  at the pleasure of a child   Sit down  

He ordered me like a dog  and I obeyed like a dog 

 One thing more   he said    I observe that you have an attachment
to low and common company   You are not to associate with servants 
The kitchen will not improve you  in the many respects in which you
need improvement   Of the woman who abets you  I say nothing  
since you  Clara   addressing my mother in a lower voice   from old
associations and long established fancies  have a weakness
respecting her which is not yet overcome  

 A most unaccountable delusion it is   cried Miss Murdstone 

 I only say   he resumed  addressing me   that I disapprove of your
preferring such company as Mistress Peggotty  and that it is to be
abandoned   Now  David  you understand me  and you know what will
be the consequence if you fail to obey me to the letter  

I knew well   better perhaps than he thought  as far as my poor
mother was concerned   and I obeyed him to the letter   I retreated
to my own room no more  I took refuge with Peggotty no more  but
sat wearily in the parlour day after day  looking forward to night 
and bedtime 

What irksome constraint I underwent  sitting in the same attitude
hours upon hours  afraid to move an arm or a leg lest Miss
Murdstone should complain  as she did on the least pretence  of my
restlessness  and afraid to move an eye lest she should light on
some look of dislike or scrutiny that would find new cause for
complaint in mine   What intolerable dulness to sit listening to
the ticking of the clock  and watching Miss Murdstone s little
shiny steel beads as she strung them  and wondering whether she
would ever be married  and if so  to what sort of unhappy man  and
counting the divisions in the moulding of the chimney piece  and
wandering away  with my eyes  to the ceiling  among the curls and
corkscrews in the paper on the wall 

What walks I took alone  down muddy lanes  in the bad winter
weather  carrying that parlour  and Mr  and Miss Murdstone in it 
everywhere  a monstrous load that I was obliged to bear  a daymare
that there was no possibility of breaking in  a weight that brooded
on my wits  and blunted them 

What meals I had in silence and embarrassment  always feeling that
there were a knife and fork too many  and that mine  an appetite
too many  and that mine  a plate and chair too many  and those
mine  a somebody too many  and that I 

What evenings  when the candles came  and I was expected to employ
myself  but  not daring to read an entertaining book  pored over
some hard headed  harder hearted treatise on arithmetic  when the
tables of weights and measures set themselves to tunes  as  Rule
Britannia   or  Away with Melancholy   when they wouldn t stand
still to be learnt  but would go threading my grandmother s needle
through my unfortunate head  in at one ear and out at the other 
What yawns and dozes I lapsed into  in spite of all my care  what
starts I came out of concealed sleeps with  what answers I never
got  to little observations that I rarely made  what a blank space
I seemed  which everybody overlooked  and yet was in everybody s
way  what a heavy relief it was to hear Miss Murdstone hail the
first stroke of nine at night  and order me to bed 

Thus the holidays lagged away  until the morning came when Miss
Murdstone said   Here s the last day off   and gave me the closing
cup of tea of the vacation 

I was not sorry to go   I had lapsed into a stupid state  but I was
recovering a little and looking forward to Steerforth  albeit Mr 
Creakle loomed behind him   Again Mr  Barkis appeared at the gate 
and again Miss Murdstone in her warning voice  said   Clara   when
my mother bent over me  to bid me farewell 

I kissed her  and my baby brother  and was very sorry then  but not
sorry to go away  for the gulf between us was there  and the
parting was there  every day   And it is not so much the embrace
she gave me  that lives in my mind  though it was as fervent as
could be  as what followed the embrace 

I was in the carrier s cart when I heard her calling to me   I
looked out  and she stood at the garden gate alone  holding her
baby up in her arms for me to see   It was cold still weather  and
not a hair of her head  nor a fold of her dress  was stirred  as
she looked intently at me  holding up her child 

So I lost her   So I saw her afterwards  in my sleep at school   a
silent presence near my bed   looking at me with the same intent
face   holding up her baby in her arms 



CHAPTER  
I HAVE A MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY


I PASS over all that happened at school  until the anniversary of
my birthday came round in March   Except that Steerforth was more
to be admired than ever  I remember nothing   He was going away at
the end of the half year  if not sooner  and was more spirited and
independent than before in my eyes  and therefore more engaging
than before  but beyond this I remember nothing   The great
remembrance by which that time is marked in my mind  seems to have
swallowed up all lesser recollections  and to exist alone 

It is even difficult for me to believe that there was a gap of full
two months between my return to Salem House and the arrival of that
birthday   I can only understand that the fact was so  because I
know it must have been so  otherwise I should feel convinced that
there was no interval  and that the one occasion trod upon the
other s heels 

How well I recollect the kind of day it was   I smell the fog that
hung about the place  I see the hoar frost  ghostly  through it  I
feel my rimy hair fall clammy on my cheek  I look along the dim
perspective of the schoolroom  with a sputtering candle here and
there to light up the foggy morning  and the breath of the boys
wreathing and smoking in the raw cold as they blow upon their
fingers  and tap their feet upon the floor   It was after
breakfast  and we had been summoned in from the playground  when
Mr  Sharp entered and said 

 David Copperfield is to go into the parlour  

I expected a hamper from Peggotty  and brightened at the order 
Some of the boys about me put in their claim not to be forgotten in
the distribution of the good things  as I got out of my seat with
great alacrity 

 Don t hurry  David   said Mr  Sharp    There s time enough  my
boy  don t hurry  

I might have been surprised by the feeling tone in which he spoke 
if I had given it a thought  but I gave it none until afterwards 
I hurried away to the parlour  and there I found Mr  Creakle 
sitting at his breakfast with the cane and a newspaper before him 
and Mrs  Creakle with an opened letter in her hand   But no hamper 

 David Copperfield   said Mrs  Creakle  leading me to a sofa  and
sitting down beside me    I want to speak to you very particularly 
I have something to tell you  my child  

Mr  Creakle  at whom of course I looked  shook his head without
looking at me  and stopped up a sigh with a very large piece of
buttered toast 

 You are too young to know how the world changes every day   said
Mrs  Creakle   and how the people in it pass away   But we all have
to learn it  David  some of us when we are young  some of us when
we are old  some of us at all times of our lives  

I looked at her earnestly 

 When you came away from home at the end of the vacation   said
Mrs  Creakle  after a pause   were they all well    After another
pause   Was your mama well  

I trembled without distinctly knowing why  and still looked at her
earnestly  making no attempt to answer 

 Because   said she   I grieve to tell you that I hear this morning
your mama is very ill  

A mist rose between Mrs  Creakle and me  and her figure seemed to
move in it for an instant   Then I felt the burning tears run down
my face  and it was steady again 

 She is very dangerously ill   she added 

I knew all now 

 She is dead  

There was no need to tell me so   I had already broken out into a
desolate cry  and felt an orphan in the wide world 

She was very kind to me   She kept me there all day  and left me
alone sometimes  and I cried  and wore myself to sleep  and awoke
and cried again   When I could cry no more  I began to think  and
then the oppression on my breast was heaviest  and my grief a dull
pain that there was no ease for 

And yet my thoughts were idle  not intent on the calamity that
weighed upon my heart  but idly loitering near it   I thought of
our house shut up and hushed   I thought of the little baby  who 
Mrs  Creakle said  had been pining away for some time  and who 
they believed  would die too   I thought of my father s grave in
the churchyard  by our house  and of my mother lying there beneath
the tree I knew so well   I stood upon a chair when I was left
alone  and looked into the glass to see how red my eyes were  and
how sorrowful my face   I considered  after some hours were gone 
if my tears were really hard to flow now  as they seemed to be 
what  in connexion with my loss  it would affect me most to think
of when I drew near home   for I was going home to the funeral   I
am sensible of having felt that a dignity attached to me among the
rest of the boys  and that I was important in my affliction 

If ever child were stricken with sincere grief  I was   But I
remember that this importance was a kind of satisfaction to me 
when I walked in the playground that afternoon while the boys were
in school   When I saw them glancing at me out of the windows  as
they went up to their classes  I felt distinguished  and looked
more melancholy  and walked slower   When school was over  and they
came out and spoke to me  I felt it rather good in myself not to be
proud to any of them  and to take exactly the same notice of them
all  as before 

I was to go home next night  not by the mail  but by the heavy
night coach  which was called the Farmer  and was principally used
by country people travelling short intermediate distances upon the
road   We had no story telling that evening  and Traddles insisted
on lending me his pillow   I don t know what good he thought it
would do me  for I had one of my own  but it was all he had to
lend  poor fellow  except a sheet of letter paper full of
skeletons  and that he gave me at parting  as a soother of my
sorrows and a contribution to my peace of mind 

I left Salem House upon the morrow afternoon   I little thought
then that I left it  never to return   We travelled very slowly all
night  and did not get into Yarmouth before nine or ten o clock in
the morning   I looked out for Mr  Barkis  but he was not there 
and instead of him a fat  short winded  merry looking  little old
man in black  with rusty little bunches of ribbons at the knees of
his breeches  black stockings  and a broad brimmed hat  came
puffing up to the coach window  and said 

 Master Copperfield  

 Yes  sir  

 Will you come with me  young sir  if you please   he said  opening
the door   and I shall have the pleasure of taking you home  

I put my hand in his  wondering who he was  and we walked away to
a shop in a narrow street  on which was written OMER  DRAPER 
TAILOR  HABERDASHER  FUNERAL FURNISHER   c   It was a close and
stifling little shop  full of all sorts of clothing  made and
unmade  including one window full of beaver hats and bonnets   We
went into a little back parlour behind the shop  where we found
three young women at work on a quantity of black materials  which
were heaped upon the table  and little bits and cuttings of which
were littered all over the floor   There was a good fire in the
room  and a breathless smell of warm black crape   I did not know
what the smell was then  but I know now 

The three young women  who appeared to be very industrious and
comfortable  raised their heads to look at me  and then went on
with their work   Stitch  stitch  stitch   At the same time there
came from a workshop across a little yard outside the window  a
regular sound of hammering that kept a kind of tune  RAT   tat tat 
RAT   tat tat  RAT   tat tat  without any variation 

 Well   said my conductor to one of the three young women    How do
you get on  Minnie  

 We shall be ready by the trying on time   she replied gaily 
without looking up    Don t you be afraid  father  

Mr  Omer took off his broad brimmed hat  and sat down and panted 
He was so fat that he was obliged to pant some time before he could
say 

 That s right  

 Father   said Minnie  playfully    What a porpoise you do grow  

 Well  I don t know how it is  my dear   he replied  considering
about it    I am rather so  

 You are such a comfortable man  you see   said Minnie    You take
things so easy  

 No use taking  em otherwise  my dear   said Mr  Omer 

 No  indeed   returned his daughter    We are all pretty gay here 
thank Heaven   Ain t we  father  

 I hope so  my dear   said Mr  Omer    As I have got my breath now 
I think I ll measure this young scholar   Would you walk into the
shop  Master Copperfield  

I preceded Mr  Omer  in compliance with his request  and after
showing me a roll of cloth which he said was extra super  and too
good mourning for anything short of parents  he took my various
dimensions  and put them down in a book   While he was recording
them he called my attention to his stock in trade  and to certain
fashions which he said had  just come up   and to certain other
fashions which he said had  just gone out  

 And by that sort of thing we very often lose a little mint of
money   said Mr  Omer    But fashions are like human beings   They
come in  nobody knows when  why  or how  and they go out  nobody
knows when  why  or how   Everything is like life  in my opinion 
if you look at it in that point of view  

I was too sorrowful to discuss the question  which would possibly
have been beyond me under any circumstances  and Mr  Omer took me
back into the parlour  breathing with some difficulty on the way 

He then called down a little break neck range of steps behind a
door   Bring up that tea and bread and butter   which  after some
time  during which I sat looking about me and thinking  and
listening to the stitching in the room and the tune that was being
hammered across the yard  appeared on a tray  and turned out to be
for me 

 I have been acquainted with you   said Mr  Omer  after watching me
for some minutes  during which I had not made much impression on
the breakfast  for the black things destroyed my appetite   I have
been acquainted with you a long time  my young friend  

 Have you  sir  

 All your life   said Mr  Omer    I may say before it   I knew your
father before you   He was five foot nine and a half  and he lays
in five and twen ty foot of ground  

 RAT   tat tat  RAT   tat tat  RAT   tat tat   across the yard 

 He lays in five and twen ty foot of ground  if he lays in a
fraction   said Mr  Omer  pleasantly    It was either his request
or her direction  I forget which  

 Do you know how my little brother is  sir   I inquired 

Mr  Omer shook his head 

 RAT   tat tat  RAT   tat tat  RAT   tat tat  

 He is in his mother s arms   said he 

 Oh  poor little fellow   Is he dead  

 Don t mind it more than you can help   said Mr  Omer    Yes   The
baby s dead  

My wounds broke out afresh at this intelligence   I left the
scarcely tasted breakfast  and went and rested my head on another
table  in a corner of the little room  which Minnie hastily
cleared  lest I should spot the mourning that was lying there with
my tears   She was a pretty  good natured girl  and put my hair
away from my eyes with a soft  kind touch  but she was very
cheerful at having nearly finished her work and being in good time 
and was so different from me 

Presently the tune left off  and a good looking young fellow came
across the yard into the room   He had a hammer in his hand  and
his mouth was full of little nails  which he was obliged to take
out before he could speak 

 Well  Joram   said Mr  Omer    How do you get on  

 All right   said Joram    Done  sir  

Minnie coloured a little  and the other two girls smiled at one
another 

 What  you were at it by candle light last night  when I was at the
club  then   Were you   said Mr  Omer  shutting up one eye 

 Yes   said Joram    As you said we could make a little trip of it 
and go over together  if it was done  Minnie and me   and you  

 Oh   I thought you were going to leave me out altogether   said
Mr  Omer  laughing till he coughed 

   As you was so good as to say that   resumed the young man   why
I turned to with a will  you see   Will you give me your opinion of
it  

 I will   said Mr  Omer  rising    My dear   and he stopped and
turned to me   would you like to see your   

 No  father   Minnie interposed 

 I thought it might be agreeable  my dear   said Mr  Omer    But
perhaps you re right  

I can t say how I knew it was my dear  dear mother s coffin that
they went to look at   I had never heard one making  I had never
seen one that I know of   but it came into my mind what the noise
was  while it was going on  and when the young man entered  I am
sure I knew what he had been doing 

The work being now finished  the two girls  whose names I had not
heard  brushed the shreds and threads from their dresses  and went
into the shop to put that to rights  and wait for customers 
Minnie stayed behind to fold up what they had made  and pack it in
two baskets   This she did upon her knees  humming a lively little
tune the while   Joram  who I had no doubt was her lover  came in
and stole a kiss from her while she was busy  he didn t appear to
mind me  at all   and said her father was gone for the chaise  and
he must make haste and get himself ready   Then he went out again 
and then she put her thimble and scissors in her pocket  and stuck
a needle threaded with black thread neatly in the bosom of her
gown  and put on her outer clothing smartly  at a little glass
behind the door  in which I saw the reflection of her pleased face 

All this I observed  sitting at the table in the corner with my
head leaning on my hand  and my thoughts running on very different
things   The chaise soon came round to the front of the shop  and
the baskets being put in first  I was put in next  and those three
followed   I remember it as a kind of half chaise cart  half
pianoforte van  painted of a sombre colour  and drawn by a black
horse with a long tail   There was plenty of room for us all 

I do not think I have ever experienced so strange a feeling in my
life  I am wiser now  perhaps  as that of being with them 
remembering how they had been employed  and seeing them enjoy the
ride   I was not angry with them  I was more afraid of them  as if
I were cast away among creatures with whom I had no community of
nature   They were very cheerful   The old man sat in front to
drive  and the two young people sat behind him  and whenever he
spoke to them leaned forward  the one on one side of his chubby
face and the other on the other  and made a great deal of him 
They would have talked to me too  but I held back  and moped in my
corner  scared by their love making and hilarity  though it was far
from boisterous  and almost wondering that no judgement came upon
them for their hardness of heart 

So  when they stopped to bait the horse  and ate and drank and
enjoyed themselves  I could touch nothing that they touched  but
kept my fast unbroken   So  when we reached home  I dropped out of
the chaise behind  as quickly as possible  that I might not be in
their company before those solemn windows  looking blindly on me
like closed eyes once bright   And oh  how little need I had had to
think what would move me to tears when I came back   seeing the
window of my mother s room  and next it that which  in the better
time  was mine 

I was in Peggotty s arms before I got to the door  and she took me
into the house   Her grief burst out when she first saw me  but she
controlled it soon  and spoke in whispers  and walked softly  as if
the dead could be disturbed   She had not been in bed  I found  for
a long time   She sat up at night still  and watched   As long as
her poor dear pretty was above the ground  she said  she would
never desert her 

Mr  Murdstone took no heed of me when I went into the parlour where
he was  but sat by the fireside  weeping silently  and pondering in
his elbow chair   Miss Murdstone  who was busy at her writing desk 
which was covered with letters and papers  gave me her cold
finger nails  and asked me  in an iron whisper  if I had been
measured for my mourning 

I said   Yes  

 And your shirts   said Miss Murdstone   have you brought  em
home  

 Yes  ma am   I have brought home all my clothes  

This was all the consolation that her firmness administered to me 
I do not doubt that she had a choice pleasure in exhibiting what
she called her self command  and her firmness  and her strength of
mind  and her common sense  and the whole diabolical catalogue of
her unamiable qualities  on such an occasion   She was particularly
proud of her turn for business  and she showed it now in reducing
everything to pen and ink  and being moved by nothing   All the
rest of that day  and from morning to night afterwards  she sat at
that desk  scratching composedly with a hard pen  speaking in the
same imperturbable whisper to everybody  never relaxing a muscle of
her face  or softening a tone of her voice  or appearing with an
atom of her dress astray 

Her brother took a book sometimes  but never read it that I saw 
He would open it and look at it as if he were reading  but would
remain for a whole hour without turning the leaf  and then put it
down and walk to and fro in the room   I used to sit with folded
hands watching him  and counting his footsteps  hour after hour 
He very seldom spoke to her  and never to me   He seemed to be the
only restless thing  except the clocks  in the whole motionless
house 

In these days before the funeral  I saw but little of Peggotty 
except that  in passing up or down stairs  I always found her close
to the room where my mother and her baby lay  and except that she
came to me every night  and sat by my bed s head while I went to
sleep   A day or two before the burial   I think it was a day or
two before  but I am conscious of confusion in my mind about that
heavy time  with nothing to mark its progress   she took me into
the room   I only recollect that underneath some white covering on
the bed  with a beautiful cleanliness and freshness all around it 
there seemed to me to lie embodied the solemn stillness that was in
the house  and that when she would have turned the cover gently
back  I cried   Oh no   oh no   and held her hand 

If the funeral had been yesterday  I could not recollect it better 
The very air of the best parlour  when I went in at the door  the
bright condition of the fire  the shining of the wine in the
decanters  the patterns of the glasses and plates  the faint sweet
smell of cake  the odour of Miss Murdstone s dress  and our black
clothes   Mr  Chillip is in the room  and comes to speak to me 

 And how is Master David   he says  kindly 

I cannot tell him very well   I give him my hand  which he holds in
his 

 Dear me   says Mr  Chillip  meekly smiling  with something shining
in his eye    Our little friends grow up around us   They grow out
of our knowledge  ma am    This is to Miss Murdstone  who makes no
reply 

 There is a great improvement here  ma am   says Mr  Chillip 

Miss Murdstone merely answers with a frown and a formal bend  Mr 
Chillip  discomfited  goes into a corner  keeping me with him  and
opens his mouth no more 

I remark this  because I remark everything that happens  not
because I care about myself  or have done since I came home   And
now the bell begins to sound  and Mr  Omer and another come to make
us ready   As Peggotty was wont to tell me  long ago  the followers
of my father to the same grave were made ready in the same room 

There are Mr  Murdstone  our neighbour Mr  Grayper  Mr  Chillip 
and I   When we go out to the door  the Bearers and their load are
in the garden  and they move before us down the path  and past the
elms  and through the gate  and into the churchyard  where I have
so often heard the birds sing on a summer morning 

We stand around the grave   The day seems different to me from
every other day  and the light not of the same colour   of a sadder
colour   Now there is a solemn hush  which we have brought from
home with what is resting in the mould  and while we stand
bareheaded  I hear the voice of the clergyman  sounding remote in
the open air  and yet distinct and plain  saying   I am the
Resurrection and the Life  saith the Lord    Then I hear sobs  and 
standing apart among the lookers on  I see that good and faithful
servant  whom of all the people upon earth I love the best  and
unto whom my childish heart is certain that the Lord will one day
say   Well done  

There are many faces that I know  among the little crowd  faces
that I knew in church  when mine was always wondering there  faces
that first saw my mother  when she came to the village in her
youthful bloom   I do not mind them   I mind nothing but my grief
  and yet I see and know them all  and even in the background  far
away  see Minnie looking on  and her eye glancing on her
sweetheart  who is near me 

It is over  and the earth is filled in  and we turn to come away 
Before us stands our house  so pretty and unchanged  so linked in
my mind with the young idea of what is gone  that all my sorrow has
been nothing to the sorrow it calls forth   But they take me on 
and Mr  Chillip talks to me  and when we get home  puts some water
to my lips  and when I ask his leave to go up to my room  dismisses
me with the gentleness of a woman 

All this  I say  is yesterday s event   Events of later date have
floated from me to the shore where all forgotten things will
reappear  but this stands like a high rock in the ocean 

I knew that Peggotty would come to me in my room   The Sabbath
stillness of the time  the day was so like Sunday   I have
forgotten that  was suited to us both   She sat down by my side
upon my little bed  and holding my hand  and sometimes putting it
to her lips  and sometimes smoothing it with hers  as she might
have comforted my little brother  told me  in her way  all that she
had to tell concerning what had happened 

 She was never well   said Peggotty   for a long time   She was
uncertain in her mind  and not happy   When her baby was born  I
thought at first she would get better  but she was more delicate 
and sunk a little every day   She used to like to sit alone before
her baby came  and then she cried  but afterwards she used to sing
to it   so soft  that I once thought  when I heard her  it was like
a voice up in the air  that was rising away 

 I think she got to be more timid  and more frightened like  of
late  and that a hard word was like a blow to her   But she was
always the same to me   She never changed to her foolish Peggotty 
didn t my sweet girl  

Here Peggotty stopped  and softly beat upon my hand a little while 

 The last time that I saw her like her own old self  was the night
when you came home  my dear   The day you went away  she said to
me   I never shall see my pretty darling again   Something tells me
so  that tells the truth  I know  

 She tried to hold up after that  and many a time  when they told
her she was thoughtless and light hearted  made believe to be so 
but it was all a bygone then   She never told her husband what she
had told me   she was afraid of saying it to anybody else   till
one night  a little more than a week before it happened  when she
said to him   My dear  I think I am dying  

  It s off my mind now  Peggotty   she told me  when I laid her in
her bed that night    He will believe it more and more  poor
fellow  every day for a few days to come  and then it will be past 
I am very tired   If this is sleep  sit by me while I sleep  don t
leave me   God bless both my children   God protect and keep my
fatherless boy  

 I never left her afterwards   said Peggotty    She often talked to
them two downstairs   for she loved them  she couldn t bear not to
love anyone who was about her   but when they went away from her
bed side  she always turned to me  as if there was rest where
Peggotty was  and never fell asleep in any other way 

 On the last night  in the evening  she kissed me  and said   If my
baby should die too  Peggotty  please let them lay him in my arms 
and bury us together     It was done  for the poor lamb lived but
a day beyond her    Let my dearest boy go with us to our
resting place   she said   and tell him that his mother  when she
lay here  blessed him not once  but a thousand times   

Another silence followed this  and another gentle beating on my
hand 

 It was pretty far in the night   said Peggotty   when she asked me
for some drink  and when she had taken it  gave me such a patient
smile  the dear    so beautiful 

 Daybreak had come  and the sun was rising  when she said to me 
how kind and considerate Mr  Copperfield had always been to her 
and how he had borne with her  and told her  when she doubted
herself  that a loving heart was better and stronger than wisdom 
and that he was a happy man in hers    Peggotty  my dear   she said
then   put me nearer to you   for she was very weak    Lay your
good arm underneath my neck   she said   and turn me to you  for
your face is going far off  and I want it to be near    I put it as
she asked  and oh Davy  the time had come when my first parting
words to you were true   when she was glad to lay her poor head on
her stupid cross old Peggotty s arm   and she died like a child
that had gone to sleep  


Thus ended Peggotty s narration   From the moment of my knowing of
the death of my mother  the idea of her as she had been of late had
vanished from me   I remembered her  from that instant  only as the
young mother of my earliest impressions  who had been used to wind
her bright curls round and round her finger  and to dance with me
at twilight in the parlour   What Peggotty had told me now  was so
far from bringing me back to the later period  that it rooted the
earlier image in my mind   It may be curious  but it is true   In
her death she winged her way back to her calm untroubled youth  and
cancelled all the rest 

The mother who lay in the grave  was the mother of my infancy  the
little creature in her arms  was myself  as I had once been  hushed
for ever on her bosom 



CHAPTER   
I BECOME NEGLECTED  AND AM PROVIDED FOR


The first act of business Miss Murdstone performed when the day of
the solemnity was over  and light was freely admitted into the
house  was to give Peggotty a month s warning   Much as Peggotty
would have disliked such a service  I believe she would have
retained it  for my sake  in preference to the best upon earth 
She told me we must part  and told me why  and we condoled with one
another  in all sincerity 

As to me or my future  not a word was said  or a step taken   Happy
they would have been  I dare say  if they could have dismissed me
at a month s warning too   I mustered courage once  to ask Miss
Murdstone when I was going back to school  and she answered dryly 
she believed I was not going back at all   I was told nothing more 
I was very anxious to know what was going to be done with me  and
so was Peggotty  but neither she nor I could pick up any
information on the subject 

There was one change in my condition  which  while it relieved me
of a great deal of present uneasiness  might have made me  if I had
been capable of considering it closely  yet more uncomfortable
about the future   It was this   The constraint that had been put
upon me  was quite abandoned   I was so far from being required to
keep my dull post in the parlour  that on several occasions  when
I took my seat there  Miss Murdstone frowned to me to go away   I
was so far from being warned off from Peggotty s society  that 
provided I was not in Mr  Murdstone s  I was never sought out or
inquired for   At first I was in daily dread of his taking my
education in hand again  or of Miss Murdstone s devoting herself to
it  but I soon began to think that such fears were groundless  and
that all I had to anticipate was neglect 

I do not conceive that this discovery gave me much pain then   I
was still giddy with the shock of my mother s death  and in a kind
of stunned state as to all tributary things   I can recollect 
indeed  to have speculated  at odd times  on the possibility of my
not being taught any more  or cared for any more  and growing up to
be a shabby  moody man  lounging an idle life away  about the
village  as well as on the feasibility of my getting rid of this
picture by going away somewhere  like the hero in a story  to seek
my fortune  but these were transient visions  daydreams I sat
looking at sometimes  as if they were faintly painted or written on
the wall of my room  and which  as they melted away  left the wall
blank again 

 Peggotty   I said in a thoughtful whisper  one evening  when I was
warming my hands at the kitchen fire   Mr  Murdstone likes me less
than he used to   He never liked me much  Peggotty  but he would
rather not even see me now  if he can help it  

 Perhaps it s his sorrow   said Peggotty  stroking my hair 

 I am sure  Peggotty  I am sorry too   If I believed it was his
sorrow  I should not think of it at all   But it s not that  oh 
no  it s not that  

 How do you know it s not that   said Peggotty  after a silence 

 Oh  his sorrow is another and quite a different thing   He is
sorry at this moment  sitting by the fireside with Miss Murdstone 
but if I was to go in  Peggotty  he would be something besides  

 What would he be   said Peggotty 

 Angry   I answered  with an involuntary imitation of his dark
frown    If he was only sorry  he wouldn t look at me as he does 
I am only sorry  and it makes me feel kinder  

Peggotty said nothing for a little while  and I warmed my hands  as
silent as she 

 Davy   she said at length 

 Yes  Peggotty  
 I have tried  my dear  all ways I could think of   all the ways
there are  and all the ways there ain t  in short   to get a
suitable service here  in Blunderstone  but there s no such a
thing  my love  

 And what do you mean to do  Peggotty   says I  wistfully    Do you
mean to go and seek your fortune  

 I expect I shall be forced to go to Yarmouth   replied Peggotty 
 and live there  

 You might have gone farther off   I said  brightening a little 
 and been as bad as lost   I shall see you sometimes  my dear old
Peggotty  there   You won t be quite at the other end of the world 
will you  

 Contrary ways  please God   cried Peggotty  with great animation 
 As long as you are here  my pet  I shall come over every week of
my life to see you   One day  every week of my life  

I felt a great weight taken off my mind by this promise  but even
this was not all  for Peggotty went on to say 

 I m a going  Davy  you see  to my brother s  first  for another
fortnight s visit   just till I have had time to look about me  and
get to be something like myself again   Now  I have been thinking
that perhaps  as they don t want you here at present  you might be
let to go along with me  

If anything  short of being in a different relation to every one
about me  Peggotty excepted  could have given me a sense of
pleasure at that time  it would have been this project of all
others   The idea of being again surrounded by those honest faces 
shining welcome on me  of renewing the peacefulness of the sweet
Sunday morning  when the bells were ringing  the stones dropping in
the water  and the shadowy ships breaking through the mist  of
roaming up and down with little Em ly  telling her my troubles  and
finding charms against them in the shells and pebbles on the beach 
made a calm in my heart   It was ruffled next moment  to be sure 
by a doubt of Miss Murdstone s giving her consent  but even that
was set at rest soon  for she came out to take an evening grope in
the store closet while we were yet in conversation  and Peggotty 
with a boldness that amazed me  broached the topic on the spot 

 The boy will be idle there   said Miss Murdstone  looking into a
pickle jar   and idleness is the root of all evil   But  to be
sure  he would be idle here   or anywhere  in my opinion  

Peggotty had an angry answer ready  I could see  but she swallowed
it for my sake  and remained silent 

 Humph   said Miss Murdstone  still keeping her eye on the pickles 
 it is of more importance than anything else   it is of paramount
importance   that my brother should not be disturbed or made
uncomfortable   I suppose I had better say yes  

I thanked her  without making any demonstration of joy  lest it
should induce her to withdraw her assent   Nor could I help
thinking this a prudent course  since she looked at me out of the
pickle jar  with as great an access of sourness as if her black
eyes had absorbed its contents   However  the permission was given 
and was never retracted  for when the month was out  Peggotty and
I were ready to depart 

Mr  Barkis came into the house for Peggotty s boxes   I had never
known him to pass the garden gate before  but on this occasion he
came into the house   And he gave me a look as he shouldered the
largest box and went out  which I thought had meaning in it  if
meaning could ever be said to find its way into Mr  Barkis s
visage 

Peggotty was naturally in low spirits at leaving what had been her
home so many years  and where the two strong attachments of her
life   for my mother and myself   had been formed   She had been
walking in the churchyard  too  very early  and she got into the
cart  and sat in it with her handkerchief at her eyes 

So long as she remained in this condition  Mr  Barkis gave no sign
of life whatever   He sat in his usual place and attitude like a
great stuffed figure   But when she began to look about her  and to
speak to me  he nodded his head and grinned several times   I have
not the least notion at whom  or what he meant by it 

 It s a beautiful day  Mr  Barkis   I said  as an act of
politeness 

 It ain t bad   said Mr  Barkis  who generally qualified his
speech  and rarely committed himself 

 Peggotty is quite comfortable now  Mr  Barkis   I remarked  for
his satisfaction 

 Is she  though   said Mr  Barkis 

After reflecting about it  with a sagacious air  Mr  Barkis eyed
her  and said 

 ARE you pretty comfortable  

Peggotty laughed  and answered in the affirmative 

 But really and truly  you know   Are you   growled Mr  Barkis 
sliding nearer to her on the seat  and nudging her with his elbow 
 Are you   Really and truly pretty comfortable   Are you   Eh  

At each of these inquiries Mr  Barkis shuffled nearer to her  and
gave her another nudge  so that at last we were all crowded
together in the left hand corner of the cart  and I was so squeezed
that I could hardly bear it 

Peggotty calling his attention to my sufferings  Mr  Barkis gave me
a little more room at once  and got away by degrees   But I could
not help observing that he seemed to think he had hit upon a
wonderful expedient for expressing himself in a neat  agreeable 
and pointed manner  without the inconvenience of inventing
conversation   He manifestly chuckled over it for some time   By
and by he turned to Peggotty again  and repeating   Are you pretty
comfortable though   bore down upon us as before  until the breath
was nearly edged out of my body   By and by he made another descent
upon us with the same inquiry  and the same result   At length  I
got up whenever I saw him coming  and standing on the foot board 
pretended to look at the prospect  after which I did very well 

He was so polite as to stop at a public house  expressly on our
account  and entertain us with broiled mutton and beer   Even when
Peggotty was in the act of drinking  he was seized with one of
those approaches  and almost choked her   But as we drew nearer to
the end of our journey  he had more to do and less time for
gallantry  and when we got on Yarmouth pavement  we were all too
much shaken and jolted  I apprehend  to have any leisure for
anything else 

Mr  Peggotty and Ham waited for us at the old place   They received
me and Peggotty in an affectionate manner  and shook hands with Mr 
Barkis  who  with his hat on the very back of his head  and a
shame faced leer upon his countenance  and pervading his very legs 
presented but a vacant appearance  I thought   They each took one
of Peggotty s trunks  and we were going away  when Mr  Barkis
solemnly made a sign to me with his forefinger to come under an
archway 

 I say   growled Mr  Barkis   it was all right  

I looked up into his face  and answered  with an attempt to be very
profound   Oh  

 It didn t come to a end there   said Mr  Barkis  nodding
confidentially    It was all right  

Again I answered   Oh  

 You know who was willin    said my friend    It was Barkis  and
Barkis only  

I nodded assent 

 It s all right   said Mr  Barkis  shaking hands   I m a friend of
your n   You made it all right  first   It s all right  

In his attempts to be particularly lucid  Mr  Barkis was so
extremely mysterious  that I might have stood looking in his face
for an hour  and most assuredly should have got as much information
out of it as out of the face of a clock that had stopped  but for
Peggotty s calling me away   As we were going along  she asked me
what he had said  and I told her he had said it was all right 

 Like his impudence   said Peggotty   but I don t mind that   Davy
dear  what should you think if I was to think of being married  

 Why   I suppose you would like me as much then  Peggotty  as you
do now   I returned  after a little consideration 

Greatly to the astonishment of the passengers in the street  as
well as of her relations going on before  the good soul was obliged
to stop and embrace me on the spot  with many protestations of her
unalterable love 

 Tell me what should you say  darling   she asked again  when this
was over  and we were walking on 

 If you were thinking of being married   to Mr  Barkis  Peggotty  

 Yes   said Peggotty 

 I should think it would be a very good thing   For then you know 
Peggotty  you would always have the horse and cart to bring you
over to see me  and could come for nothing  and be sure of coming  

 The sense of the dear   cried Peggotty    What I have been
thinking of  this month back   Yes  my precious  and I think I
should be more independent altogether  you see  let alone my
working with a better heart in my own house  than I could in
anybody else s now   I don t know what I might be fit for  now  as
a servant to a stranger   And I shall be always near my pretty s
resting place   said Peggotty  musing   and be able to see it when
I like  and when I lie down to rest  I may be laid not far off from
my darling girl  

We neither of us said anything for a little while 

 But I wouldn t so much as give it another thought   said Peggotty 
cheerily  if my Davy was anyways against it   not if I had been
asked in church thirty times three times over  and was wearing out
the ring in my pocket  

 Look at me  Peggotty   I replied   and see if I am not really
glad  and don t truly wish it    As indeed I did  with all my
heart 

 Well  my life   said Peggotty  giving me a squeeze   I have
thought of it night and day  every way I can  and I hope the right
way  but I ll think of it again  and speak to my brother about it 
and in the meantime we ll keep it to ourselves  Davy  you and me 
Barkis is a good plain creature   said Peggotty   and if I tried to
do my duty by him  I think it would be my fault if I wasn t   if I
wasn t pretty comfortable   said Peggotty  laughing heartily 
This quotation from Mr  Barkis was so appropriate  and tickled us
both so much  that we laughed again and again  and were quite in a
pleasant humour when we came within view of Mr  Peggotty s cottage 

It looked just the same  except that it may  perhaps  have shrunk
a little in my eyes  and Mrs  Gummidge was waiting at the door as
if she had stood there ever since   All within was the same  down
to the seaweed in the blue mug in my bedroom   I went into the
out house to look about me  and the very same lobsters  crabs  and
crawfish possessed by the same desire to pinch the world in
general  appeared to be in the same state of conglomeration in the
same old corner 

But there was no little Em ly to be seen  so I asked Mr  Peggotty
where she was 

 She s at school  sir   said Mr  Peggotty  wiping the heat
consequent on the porterage of Peggotty s box from his forehead 
 she ll be home   looking at the Dutch clock   in from twenty
minutes to half an hour s time   We all on us feel the loss of her 
bless ye  

Mrs  Gummidge moaned 

 Cheer up  Mawther   cried Mr  Peggotty 

 I feel it more than anybody else   said Mrs  Gummidge   I m a lone
lorn creetur   and she used to be a most the only thing that didn t
go contrary with me  

Mrs  Gummidge  whimpering and shaking her head  applied herself to
blowing the fire   Mr  Peggotty  looking round upon us while she
was so engaged  said in a low voice  which he shaded with his hand 
 The old  un    From this I rightly conjectured that no improvement
had taken place since my last visit in the state of Mrs  Gummidge s
spirits 

Now  the whole place was  or it should have been  quite as
delightful a place as ever  and yet it did not impress me in the
same way   I felt rather disappointed with it   Perhaps it was
because little Em ly was not at home   I knew the way by which she
would come  and presently found myself strolling along the path to
meet her 

A figure appeared in the distance before long  and I soon knew it
to be Em ly  who was a little creature still in stature  though she
was grown   But when she drew nearer  and I saw her blue eyes
looking bluer  and her dimpled face looking brighter  and her whole
self prettier and gayer  a curious feeling came over me that made
me pretend not to know her  and pass by as if I were looking at
something a long way off   I have done such a thing since in later
life  or I am mistaken 

Little Em ly didn t care a bit   She saw me well enough  but
instead of turning round and calling after me  ran away laughing 
This obliged me to run after her  and she ran so fast that we were
very near the cottage before I caught her 

 Oh  it s you  is it   said little Em ly 

 Why  you knew who it was  Em ly   said I 

 And didn t YOU know who it was   said Em ly   I was going to kiss
her  but she covered her cherry lips with her hands  and said she
wasn t a baby now  and ran away  laughing more than ever  into the
house 

She seemed to delight in teasing me  which was a change in her I
wondered at very much   The tea table was ready  and our little
locker was put out in its old place  but instead of coming to sit
by me  she went and bestowed her company upon that grumbling Mrs 
Gummidge  and on Mr  Peggotty s inquiring why  rumpled her hair all
over her face to hide it  and could do nothing but laugh 

 A little puss  it is   said Mr  Peggotty  patting her with his
great hand 

 So sh  is   so sh  is   cried Ham    Mas r Davy bor   so sh  is  
and he sat and chuckled at her for some time  in a state of mingled
admiration and delight  that made his face a burning red 

Little Em ly was spoiled by them all  in fact  and by no one more
than Mr  Peggotty himself  whom she could have coaxed into
anything  by only going and laying her cheek against his rough
whisker   That was my opinion  at least  when I saw her do it  and
I held Mr  Peggotty to be thoroughly in the right   But she was so
affectionate and sweet natured  and had such a pleasant manner of
being both sly and shy at once  that she captivated me more than
ever 

She was tender hearted  too  for when  as we sat round the fire
after tea  an allusion was made by Mr  Peggotty over his pipe to
the loss I had sustained  the tears stood in her eyes  and she
looked at me so kindly across the table  that I felt quite thankful
to her 

 Ah   said Mr  Peggotty  taking up her curls  and running them over
his hand like water   here s another orphan  you see  sir   And
here   said Mr  Peggotty  giving Ham a backhanded knock in the
chest   is another of  em  though he don t look much like it  

 If I had you for my guardian  Mr  Peggotty   said I  shaking my
head   I don t think I should FEEL much like it  

 Well said  Mas r Davy bor    cried Ham  in an ecstasy    Hoorah 
Well said   Nor more you wouldn t   Hor   Hor     Here he returned
Mr  Peggotty s back hander  and little Em ly got up and kissed Mr 
Peggotty    And how s your friend  sir   said Mr  Peggotty to me 

 Steerforth   said I 

 That s the name   cried Mr  Peggotty  turning to Ham    I knowed
it was something in our way  

 You said it was Rudderford   observed Ham  laughing 

 Well   retorted Mr  Peggotty    And ye steer with a rudder  don t
ye   It ain t fur off   How is he  sir  

 He was very well indeed when I came away  Mr  Peggotty  

 There s a friend   said Mr  Peggotty  stretching out his pipe 
 There s a friend  if you talk of friends   Why  Lord love my heart
alive  if it ain t a treat to look at him  

 He is very handsome  is he not   said I  my heart warming with
this praise 

 Handsome   cried Mr  Peggotty    He stands up to you like   like
a   why I don t know what he don t stand up to you like   He s so
bold  

 Yes   That s just his character   said I    He s as brave as a
lion  and you can t think how frank he is  Mr  Peggotty  

 And I do suppose  now   said Mr  Peggotty  looking at me through
the smoke of his pipe   that in the way of book larning he d take
the wind out of a most anything  

 Yes   said I  delighted   he knows everything   He is
astonishingly clever  

 There s a friend   murmured Mr  Peggotty  with a grave toss of his
head 

 Nothing seems to cost him any trouble   said I    He knows a task
if he only looks at it   He is the best cricketer you ever saw   He
will give you almost as many men as you like at draughts  and beat
you easily  

Mr  Peggotty gave his head another toss  as much as to say   Of
course he will  

 He is such a speaker   I pursued   that he can win anybody over 
and I don t know what you d say if you were to hear him sing  Mr 
Peggotty  

Mr  Peggotty gave his head another toss  as much as to say   I have
no doubt of it  

 Then  he s such a generous  fine  noble fellow   said I  quite
carried away by my favourite theme   that it s hardly possible to
give him as much praise as he deserves   I am sure I can never feel
thankful enough for the generosity with which he has protected me 
so much younger and lower in the school than himself  

I was running on  very fast indeed  when my eyes rested on little
Em ly s face  which was bent forward over the table  listening with
the deepest attention  her breath held  her blue eyes sparkling
like jewels  and the colour mantling in her cheeks   She looked so
extraordinarily earnest and pretty  that I stopped in a sort of
wonder  and they all observed her at the same time  for as I
stopped  they laughed and looked at her 

 Em ly is like me   said Peggotty   and would like to see him  

Em ly was confused by our all observing her  and hung down her
head  and her face was covered with blushes   Glancing up presently
through her stray curls  and seeing that we were all looking at her
still  I am sure I  for one  could have looked at her for hours  
she ran away  and kept away till it was nearly bedtime 

I lay down in the old little bed in the stern of the boat  and the
wind came moaning on across the flat as it had done before   But I
could not help fancying  now  that it moaned of those who were
gone  and instead of thinking that the sea might rise in the night
and float the boat away  I thought of the sea that had risen  since
I last heard those sounds  and drowned my happy home   I recollect 
as the wind and water began to sound fainter in my ears  putting a
short clause into my prayers  petitioning that I might grow up to
marry little Em ly  and so dropping lovingly asleep 

The days passed pretty much as they had passed before  except   it
was a great exception  that little Em ly and I seldom wandered on
the beach now   She had tasks to learn  and needle work to do  and
was absent during a great part of each day   But I felt that we
should not have had those old wanderings  even if it had been
otherwise   Wild and full of childish whims as Em ly was  she was
more of a little woman than I had supposed   She seemed to have got
a great distance away from me  in little more than a year   She
liked me  but she laughed at me  and tormented me  and when I went
to meet her  stole home another way  and was laughing at the door
when I came back  disappointed   The best times were when she sat
quietly at work in the doorway  and I sat on the wooden step at her
feet  reading to her   It seems to me  at this hour  that I have
never seen such sunlight as on those bright April afternoons  that
I have never seen such a sunny little figure as I used to see 
sitting in the doorway of the old boat  that I have never beheld
such sky  such water  such glorified ships sailing away into golden
air 

On the very first evening after our arrival  Mr  Barkis appeared in
an exceedingly vacant and awkward condition  and with a bundle of
oranges tied up in a handkerchief   As he made no allusion of any
kind to this property  he was supposed to have left it behind him
by accident when he went away  until Ham  running after him to
restore it  came back with the information that it was intended for
Peggotty   After that occasion he appeared every evening at exactly
the same hour  and always with a little bundle  to which he never
alluded  and which he regularly put behind the door and left there 
These offerings of affection were of a most various and eccentric
description   Among them I remember a double set of pigs  trotters 
a huge pin cushion  half a bushel or so of apples  a pair of jet
earrings  some Spanish onions  a box of dominoes  a canary bird and
cage  and a leg of pickled pork 

Mr  Barkis s wooing  as I remember it  was altogether of a peculiar
kind   He very seldom said anything  but would sit by the fire in
much the same attitude as he sat in his cart  and stare heavily at
Peggotty  who was opposite   One night  being  as I suppose 
inspired by love  he made a dart at the bit of wax candle she kept
for her thread  and put it in his waistcoat pocket and carried it
off   After that  his great delight was to produce it when it was
wanted  sticking to the lining of his pocket  in a partially melted
state  and pocket it again when it was done with   He seemed to
enjoy himself very much  and not to feel at all called upon to
talk   Even when he took Peggotty out for a walk on the flats  he
had no uneasiness on that head  I believe  contenting himself with
now and then asking her if she was pretty comfortable  and I
remember that sometimes  after he was gone  Peggotty would throw
her apron over her face  and laugh for half an hour   Indeed  we
were all more or less amused  except that miserable Mrs  Gummidge 
whose courtship would appear to have been of an exactly parallel
nature  she was so continually reminded by these transactions of
the old one 

At length  when the term of my visit was nearly expired  it was
given out that Peggotty and Mr  Barkis were going to make a day s
holiday together  and that little Em ly and I were to accompany
them   I had but a broken sleep the night before  in anticipation
of the pleasure of a whole day with Em ly   We were all astir
betimes in the morning  and while we were yet at breakfast  Mr 
Barkis appeared in the distance  driving a chaise cart towards the
object of his affections 

Peggotty was dressed as usual  in her neat and quiet mourning  but
Mr  Barkis bloomed in a new blue coat  of which the tailor had
given him such good measure  that the cuffs would have rendered
gloves unnecessary in the coldest weather  while the collar was so
high that it pushed his hair up on end on the top of his head   His
bright buttons  too  were of the largest size   Rendered complete
by drab pantaloons and a buff waistcoat  I thought Mr  Barkis a
phenomenon of respectability 

When we were all in a bustle outside the door  I found that Mr 
Peggotty was prepared with an old shoe  which was to be thrown
after us for luck  and which he offered to Mrs  Gummidge for that
purpose 

 No   It had better be done by somebody else  Dan l   said Mrs 
Gummidge    I m a lone lorn creetur  myself  and everythink that
reminds me of creetur s that ain t lone and lorn  goes contrary
with me  

 Come  old gal   cried Mr  Peggotty    Take and heave it  

 No  Dan l   returned Mrs  Gummidge  whimpering and shaking her
head    If I felt less  I could do more   You don t feel like me 
Dan l  thinks don t go contrary with you  nor you with them  you
had better do it yourself  

But here Peggotty  who had been going about from one to another in
a hurried way  kissing everybody  called out from the cart  in
which we all were by this time  Em ly and I on two little chairs 
side by side   that Mrs  Gummidge must do it   So Mrs  Gummidge did
it  and  I am sorry to relate  cast a damp upon the festive
character of our departure  by immediately bursting into tears  and
sinking subdued into the arms of Ham  with the declaration that she
knowed she was a burden  and had better be carried to the House at
once   Which I really thought was a sensible idea  that Ham might
have acted on 

Away we went  however  on our holiday excursion  and the first
thing we did was to stop at a church  where Mr  Barkis tied the
horse to some rails  and went in with Peggotty  leaving little
Em ly and me alone in the chaise   I took that occasion to put my
arm round Em ly s waist  and propose that as I was going away so
very soon now  we should determine to be very affectionate to one
another  and very happy  all day   Little Em ly consenting  and
allowing me to kiss her  I became desperate  informing her  I
recollect  that I never could love another  and that I was prepared
to shed the blood of anybody who should aspire to her affections 

How merry little Em ly made herself about it   With what a demure
assumption of being immensely older and wiser than I  the fairy
little woman said I was  a silly boy   and then laughed so
charmingly that I forgot the pain of being called by that
disparaging name  in the pleasure of looking at her 

Mr  Barkis and Peggotty were a good while in the church  but came
out at last  and then we drove away into the country   As we were
going along  Mr  Barkis turned to me  and said  with a wink    by
the by  I should hardly have thought  before  that he could wink 

 What name was it as I wrote up in the cart  

 Clara Peggotty   I answered 

 What name would it be as I should write up now  if there was a
tilt here  

 Clara Peggotty  again   I suggested 

 Clara Peggotty BARKIS   he returned  and burst into a roar of
laughter that shook the chaise 

In a word  they were married  and had gone into the church for no
other purpose   Peggotty was resolved that it should be quietly
done  and the clerk had given her away  and there had been no
witnesses of the ceremony   She was a little confused when Mr 
Barkis made this abrupt announcement of their union  and could not
hug me enough in token of her unimpaired affection  but she soon
became herself again  and said she was very glad it was over 

We drove to a little inn in a by road  where we were expected  and
where we had a very comfortable dinner  and passed the day with
great satisfaction   If Peggotty had been married every day for the
last ten years  she could hardly have been more at her ease about
it  it made no sort of difference in her  she was just the same as
ever  and went out for a stroll with little Em ly and me before
tea  while Mr  Barkis philosophically smoked his pipe  and enjoyed
himself  I suppose  with the contemplation of his happiness   If
so  it sharpened his appetite  for I distinctly call to mind that 
although he had eaten a good deal of pork and greens at dinner  and
had finished off with a fowl or two  he was obliged to have cold
boiled bacon for tea  and disposed of a large quantity without any
emotion 

I have often thought  since  what an odd  innocent  out of the way
kind of wedding it must have been   We got into the chaise again
soon after dark  and drove cosily back  looking up at the stars 
and talking about them   I was their chief exponent  and opened Mr 
Barkis s mind to an amazing extent   I told him all I knew  but he
would have believed anything I might have taken it into my head to
impart to him  for he had a profound veneration for my abilities 
and informed his wife in my hearing  on that very occasion  that I
was  a young Roeshus    by which I think he meant prodigy 

When we had exhausted the subject of the stars  or rather when I
had exhausted the mental faculties of Mr  Barkis  little Em ly and
I made a cloak of an old wrapper  and sat under it for the rest of
the journey   Ah  how I loved her   What happiness  I thought  if
we were married  and were going away anywhere to live among the
trees and in the fields  never growing older  never growing wiser 
children ever  rambling hand in hand through sunshine and among
flowery meadows  laying down our heads on moss at night  in a sweet
sleep of purity and peace  and buried by the birds when we were
dead   Some such picture  with no real world in it  bright with the
light of our innocence  and vague as the stars afar off  was in my
mind all the way   I am glad to think there were two such guileless
hearts at Peggotty s marriage as little Em ly s and mine   I am
glad to think the Loves and Graces took such airy forms in its
homely procession 

Well  we came to the old boat again in good time at night  and
there Mr  and Mrs  Barkis bade us good bye  and drove away snugly
to their own home   I felt then  for the first time  that I had
lost Peggotty   I should have gone to bed with a sore heart indeed
under any other roof but that which sheltered little Em ly s head 

Mr  Peggotty and Ham knew what was in my thoughts as well as I did 
and were ready with some supper and their hospitable faces to drive
it away   Little Em ly came and sat beside me on the locker for the
only time in all that visit  and it was altogether a wonderful
close to a wonderful day 

It was a night tide  and soon after we went to bed  Mr  Peggotty
and Ham went out to fish   I felt very brave at being left alone in
the solitary house  the protector of Em ly and Mrs  Gummidge  and
only wished that a lion or a serpent  or any ill disposed monster 
would make an attack upon us  that I might destroy him  and cover
myself with glory   But as nothing of the sort happened to be
walking about on Yarmouth flats that night  I provided the best
substitute I could by dreaming of dragons until morning 

With morning came Peggotty  who called to me  as usual  under my
window as if Mr  Barkis the carrier had been from first to last a
dream too   After breakfast she took me to her own home  and a
beautiful little home it was   Of all the moveables in it  I must
have been impressed by a certain old bureau of some dark wood in
the parlour  the tile floored kitchen was the general
sitting room   with a retreating top which opened  let down  and
became a desk  within which was a large quarto edition of Foxe s
Book of Martyrs   This precious volume  of which I do not recollect
one word  I immediately discovered and immediately applied myself
to  and I never visited the house afterwards  but I kneeled on a
chair  opened the casket where this gem was enshrined  spread my
arms over the desk  and fell to devouring the book afresh   I was
chiefly edified  I am afraid  by the pictures  which were numerous 
and represented all kinds of dismal horrors  but the Martyrs and
Peggotty s house have been inseparable in my mind ever since  and
are now 

I took leave of Mr  Peggotty  and Ham  and Mrs  Gummidge  and
little Em ly  that day  and passed the night at Peggotty s  in a
little room in the roof  with the Crocodile Book on a shelf by the
bed s head  which was to be always mine  Peggotty said  and should
always be kept for me in exactly the same state 

 Young or old  Davy dear  as long as I am alive and have this house
over my head   said Peggotty   you shall find it as if I expected
you here directly minute   I shall keep it every day  as I used to
keep your old little room  my darling  and if you was to go to
China  you might think of it as being kept just the same  all the
time you were away  

I felt the truth and constancy of my dear old nurse  with all my
heart  and thanked her as well as I could   That was not very well 
for she spoke to me thus  with her arms round my neck  in the
morning  and I was going home in the morning  and I went home in
the morning  with herself and Mr  Barkis in the cart   They left me
at the gate  not easily or lightly  and it was a strange sight to
me to see the cart go on  taking Peggotty away  and leaving me
under the old elm trees looking at the house  in which there was no
face to look on mine with love or liking any more 

And now I fell into a state of neglect  which I cannot look back
upon without compassion   I fell at once into a solitary condition 
  apart from all friendly notice  apart from the society of all
other boys of my own age  apart from all companionship but my own
spiritless thoughts    which seems to cast its gloom upon this
paper as I write 

What would I have given  to have been sent to the hardest school
that ever was kept    to have been taught something  anyhow 
anywhere   No such hope dawned upon me   They disliked me  and they
sullenly  sternly  steadily  overlooked me   I think Mr 
Murdstone s means were straitened at about this time  but it is
little to the purpose   He could not bear me  and in putting me
from him he tried  as I believe  to put away the notion that I had
any claim upon him   and succeeded 

I was not actively ill used   I was not beaten  or starved  but the
wrong that was done to me had no intervals of relenting  and was
done in a systematic  passionless manner   Day after day  week
after week  month after month  I was coldly neglected   I wonder
sometimes  when I think of it  what they would have done if I had
been taken with an illness  whether I should have lain down in my
lonely room  and languished through it in my usual solitary way  or
whether anybody would have helped me out 

When Mr  and Miss Murdstone were at home  I took my meals with
them  in their absence  I ate and drank by myself   At all times I
lounged about the house and neighbourhood quite disregarded  except
that they were jealous of my making any friends  thinking  perhaps 
that if I did  I might complain to someone   For this reason 
though Mr  Chillip often asked me to go and see him  he was a
widower  having  some years before that  lost a little small
light haired wife  whom I can just remember connecting in my own
thoughts with a pale tortoise shell cat   it was but seldom that I
enjoyed the happiness of passing an afternoon in his closet of a
surgery  reading some book that was new to me  with the smell of
the whole Pharmacopoeia coming up my nose  or pounding something in
a mortar under his mild directions 

For the same reason  added no doubt to the old dislike of her  I
was seldom allowed to visit Peggotty   Faithful to her promise  she
either came to see me  or met me somewhere near  once every week 
and never empty handed  but many and bitter were the
disappointments I had  in being refused permission to pay a visit
to her at her house   Some few times  however  at long intervals 
I was allowed to go there  and then I found out that Mr  Barkis was
something of a miser  or as Peggotty dutifully expressed it  was  a
little near   and kept a heap of money in a box under his bed 
which he pretended was only full of coats and trousers   In this
coffer  his riches hid themselves with such a tenacious modesty 
that the smallest instalments could only be tempted out by
artifice  so that Peggotty had to prepare a long and elaborate
scheme  a very Gunpowder Plot  for every Saturday s expenses 

All this time I was so conscious of the waste of any promise I had
given  and of my being utterly neglected  that I should have been
perfectly miserable  I have no doubt  but for the old books   They
were my only comfort  and I was as true to them as they were to me 
and read them over and over I don t know how many times more 

I now approach a period of my life  which I can never lose the
remembrance of  while I remember anything  and the recollection of
which has often  without my invocation  come before me like a
ghost  and haunted happier times 

I had been out  one day  loitering somewhere  in the listless 
meditative manner that my way of life engendered  when  turning the
corner of a lane near our house  I came upon Mr  Murdstone walking
with a gentleman   I was confused  and was going by them  when the
gentleman cried 

 What   Brooks  

 No  sir  David Copperfield   I said 

 Don t tell me   You are Brooks   said the gentleman    You are
Brooks of Sheffield   That s your name  

At these words  I observed the gentleman more attentively   His
laugh coming to my remembrance too  I knew him to be Mr  Quinion 
whom I had gone over to Lowestoft with Mr  Murdstone to see  before
  it is no matter   I need not recall when 

 And how do you get on  and where are you being educated  Brooks  
said Mr  Quinion 

He had put his hand upon my shoulder  and turned me about  to walk
with them   I did not know what to reply  and glanced dubiously at
Mr  Murdstone 

 He is at home at present   said the latter    He is not being
educated anywhere   I don t know what to do with him   He is a
difficult subject  

That old  double look was on me for a moment  and then his eyes
darkened with a frown  as it turned  in its aversion  elsewhere 

 Humph   said Mr  Quinion  looking at us both  I thought    Fine
weather  

Silence ensued  and I was considering how I could best disengage my
shoulder from his hand  and go away  when he said 

 I suppose you are a pretty sharp fellow still   Eh  Brooks  

 Aye   He is sharp enough   said Mr  Murdstone  impatiently    You
had better let him go   He will not thank you for troubling him  

On this hint  Mr  Quinion released me  and I made the best of my
way home   Looking back as I turned into the front garden  I saw
Mr  Murdstone leaning against the wicket of the churchyard  and Mr 
Quinion talking to him   They were both looking after me  and I
felt that they were speaking of me 

Mr  Quinion lay at our house that night   After breakfast  the next
morning  I had put my chair away  and was going out of the room 
when Mr  Murdstone called me back   He then gravely repaired to
another table  where his sister sat herself at her desk   Mr 
Quinion  with his hands in his pockets  stood looking out of
window  and I stood looking at them all 

 David   said Mr  Murdstone   to the young this is a world for
action  not for moping and droning in  

   As you do   added his sister 

 Jane Murdstone  leave it to me  if you please   I say  David  to
the young this is a world for action  and not for moping and
droning in   It is especially so for a young boy of your
disposition  which requires a great deal of correcting  and to
which no greater service can be done than to force it to conform to
the ways of the working world  and to bend it and break it  

 For stubbornness won t do here   said his sister  What it wants
is  to be crushed   And crushed it must be   Shall be  too  

He gave her a look  half in remonstrance  half in approval  and
went on 

 I suppose you know  David  that I am not rich   At any rate  you
know it now   You have received some considerable education
already   Education is costly  and even if it were not  and I could
afford it  I am of opinion that it would not be at all advantageous
to you to be kept at school   What is before you  is a fight with
the world  and the sooner you begin it  the better  

I think it occurred to me that I had already begun it  in my poor
way  but it occurs to me now  whether or no 

 You have heard the  counting house  mentioned sometimes   said Mr 
Murdstone 

 The counting house  sir   I repeated 
 Of Murdstone and Grinby  in the wine trade   he replied 

I suppose I looked uncertain  for he went on hastily 

 You have heard the  counting house  mentioned  or the business  or
the cellars  or the wharf  or something about it  

 I think I have heard the business mentioned  sir   I said 
remembering what I vaguely knew of his and his sister s resources 
 But I don t know when  

 It does not matter when   he returned    Mr  Quinion manages that
business  

I glanced at the latter deferentially as he stood looking out of
window 

 Mr  Quinion suggests that it gives employment to some other boys 
and that he sees no reason why it shouldn t  on the same terms 
give employment to you  

 He having   Mr  Quinion observed in a low voice  and half turning
round   no other prospect  Murdstone  

Mr  Murdstone  with an impatient  even an angry gesture  resumed 
without noticing what he had said 

 Those terms are  that you will earn enough for yourself to provide
for your eating and drinking  and pocket money   Your lodging
 which I have arranged for  will be paid by me   So will your
washing   

   Which will be kept down to my estimate   said his sister 

 Your clothes will be looked after for you  too   said Mr 
Murdstone   as you will not be able  yet awhile  to get them for
yourself   So you are now going to London  David  with Mr  Quinion 
to begin the world on your own account  

 In short  you are provided for   observed his sister   and will
please to do your duty  

Though I quite understood that the purpose of this announcement was
to get rid of me  I have no distinct remembrance whether it pleased
or frightened me   My impression is  that I was in a state of
confusion about it  and  oscillating between the two points 
touched neither   Nor had I much time for the clearing of my
thoughts  as Mr  Quinion was to go upon the morrow 

Behold me  on the morrow  in a much worn little white hat  with a
black crape round it for my mother  a black jacket  and a pair of
hard  stiff corduroy trousers   which Miss Murdstone considered the
best armour for the legs in that fight with the world which was now
to come off   Behold me so attired  and with my little worldly all
before me in a small trunk  sitting  a lone lorn child  as Mrs 
Gummidge might have said   in the post chaise that was carrying Mr 
Quinion to the London coach at Yarmouth   See  how our house and
church are lessening in the distance  how the grave beneath the
tree is blotted out by intervening objects  how the spire points
upwards from my old playground no more  and the sky is empty 



CHAPTER   
I BEGIN LIFE ON MY OWN ACCOUNT  AND DON T LIKE IT


I know enough of the world now  to have almost lost the capacity of
being much surprised by anything  but it is matter of some surprise
to me  even now  that I can have been so easily thrown away at such
an age   A child of excellent abilities  and with strong powers of
observation  quick  eager  delicate  and soon hurt bodily or
mentally  it seems wonderful to me that nobody should have made any
sign in my behalf   But none was made  and I became  at ten years
old  a little labouring hind in the service of Murdstone and
Grinby 

Murdstone and Grinby s warehouse was at the waterside   It was down
in Blackfriars   Modern improvements have altered the place  but it
was the last house at the bottom of a narrow street  curving down
hill to the river  with some stairs at the end  where people took
boat   It was a crazy old house with a wharf of its own  abutting
on the water when the tide was in  and on the mud when the tide was
out  and literally overrun with rats   Its panelled rooms 
discoloured with the dirt and smoke of a hundred years  I dare say 
its decaying floors and staircase  the squeaking and scuffling of
the old grey rats down in the cellars  and the dirt and rottenness
of the place  are things  not of many years ago  in my mind  but of
the present instant   They are all before me  just as they were in
the evil hour when I went among them for the first time  with my
trembling hand in Mr  Quinion s 

Murdstone and Grinby s trade was among a good many kinds of people 
but an important branch of it was the supply of wines and spirits
to certain packet ships   I forget now where they chiefly went  but
I think there were some among them that made voyages both to the
East and West Indies   I know that a great many empty bottles were
one of the consequences of this traffic  and that certain men and
boys were employed to examine them against the light  and reject
those that were flawed  and to rinse and wash them   When the empty
bottles ran short  there were labels to be pasted on full ones  or
corks to be fitted to them  or seals to be put upon the corks  or
finished bottles to be packed in casks   All this work was my work 
and of the boys employed upon it I was one 

There were three or four of us  counting me   My working place was
established in a corner of the warehouse  where Mr  Quinion could
see me  when he chose to stand up on the bottom rail of his stool
in the counting house  and look at me through a window above the
desk   Hither  on the first morning of my so auspiciously beginning
life on my own account  the oldest of the regular boys was summoned
to show me my business   His name was Mick Walker  and he wore a
ragged apron and a paper cap   He informed me that his father was
a bargeman  and walked  in a black velvet head dress  in the Lord
Mayor s Show   He also informed me that our principal associate
would be another boy whom he introduced by the   to me  
extraordinary name of Mealy Potatoes   I discovered  however  that
this youth had not been christened by that name  but that it had
been bestowed upon him in the warehouse  on account of his
complexion  which was pale or mealy   Mealy s father was a
waterman  who had the additional distinction of being a fireman 
and was engaged as such at one of the large theatres  where some
young relation of Mealy s   I think his little sister   did Imps in
the Pantomimes 

No words can express the secret agony of my soul as I sunk into
this companionship  compared these henceforth everyday associates
with those of my happier childhood   not to say with Steerforth 
Traddles  and the rest of those boys  and felt my hopes of growing
up to be a learned and distinguished man  crushed in my bosom   The
deep remembrance of the sense I had  of being utterly without hope
now  of the shame I felt in my position  of the misery it was to my
young heart to believe that day by day what I had learned  and
thought  and delighted in  and raised my fancy and my emulation up
by  would pass away from me  little by little  never to be brought
back any more  cannot be written   As often as Mick Walker went
away in the course of that forenoon  I mingled my tears with the
water in which I was washing the bottles  and sobbed as if there
were a flaw in my own breast  and it were in danger of bursting 

The counting house clock was at half past twelve  and there was
general preparation for going to dinner  when Mr  Quinion tapped at
the counting house window  and beckoned to me to go in   I went in 
and found there a stoutish  middle aged person  in a brown surtout
and black tights and shoes  with no more hair upon his head  which
was a large one  and very shining  than there is upon an egg  and
with a very extensive face  which he turned full upon me   His
clothes were shabby  but he had an imposing shirt collar on   He
carried a jaunty sort of a stick  with a large pair of rusty
tassels to it  and a quizzing glass hung outside his coat    for
ornament  I afterwards found  as he very seldom looked through it 
and couldn t see anything when he did 

 This   said Mr  Quinion  in allusion to myself   is he  

 This   said the stranger  with a certain condescending roll in his
voice  and a certain indescribable air of doing something genteel 
which impressed me very much   is Master Copperfield   I hope I see
you well  sir  

I said I was very well  and hoped he was   I was sufficiently ill
at ease  Heaven knows  but it was not in my nature to complain much
at that time of my life  so I said I was very well  and hoped he
was 

 I am   said the stranger   thank Heaven  quite well   I have
received a letter from Mr  Murdstone  in which he mentions that he
would desire me to receive into an apartment in the rear of my
house  which is at present unoccupied   and is  in short  to be let
as a   in short   said the stranger  with a smile and in a burst of
confidence   as a bedroom   the young beginner whom I have now the
pleasure to    and the stranger waved his hand  and settled his
chin in his shirt collar 

 This is Mr  Micawber   said Mr  Quinion to me 

 Ahem   said the stranger   that is my name  

 Mr  Micawber   said Mr  Quinion   is known to Mr  Murdstone   He
takes orders for us on commission  when he can get any   He has
been written to by Mr  Murdstone  on the subject of your lodgings 
and he will receive you as a lodger  

 My address   said Mr  Micawber   is Windsor Terrace  City Road 
I   in short   said Mr  Micawber  with the same genteel air  and in
another burst of confidence    I live there  

I made him a bow 

 Under the impression   said Mr  Micawber   that your
peregrinations in this metropolis have not as yet been extensive 
and that you might have some difficulty in penetrating the arcana
of the Modern Babylon in the direction of the City Road    in
short   said Mr  Micawber  in another burst of confidence   that
you might lose yourself   I shall be happy to call this evening 
and install you in the knowledge of the nearest way  

I thanked him with all my heart  for it was friendly in him to
offer to take that trouble 

 At what hour   said Mr  Micawber   shall I   

 At about eight   said Mr  Quinion 

 At about eight   said Mr  Micawber    I beg to wish you good day 
Mr  Quinion   I will intrude no longer  

So he put on his hat  and went out with his cane under his arm 
very upright  and humming a tune when he was clear of the
counting house 

Mr  Quinion then formally engaged me to be as useful as I could in
the warehouse of Murdstone and Grinby  at a salary  I think  of six
shillings a week   I am not clear whether it was six or seven   I
am inclined to believe  from my uncertainty on this head  that it
was six at first and seven afterwards   He paid me a week down
 from his own pocket  I believe   and I gave Mealy sixpence out of
it to get my trunk carried to Windsor Terrace that night  it being
too heavy for my strength  small as it was   I paid sixpence more
for my dinner  which was a meat pie and a turn at a neighbouring
pump  and passed the hour which was allowed for that meal  in
walking about the streets 

At the appointed time in the evening  Mr  Micawber reappeared   I
washed my hands and face  to do the greater honour to his
gentility  and we walked to our house  as I suppose I must now call
it  together  Mr  Micawber impressing the name of streets  and the
shapes of corner houses upon me  as we went along  that I might
find my way back  easily  in the morning 

Arrived at this house in Windsor Terrace  which I noticed was
shabby like himself  but also  like himself  made all the show it
could   he presented me to Mrs  Micawber  a thin and faded lady 
not at all young  who was sitting in the parlour  the first floor
was altogether unfurnished  and the blinds were kept down to delude
the neighbours   with a baby at her breast   This baby was one of
twins  and I may remark here that I hardly ever  in all my
experience of the family  saw both the twins detached from Mrs 
Micawber at the same time   One of them was always taking
refreshment 

There were two other children  Master Micawber  aged about four 
and Miss Micawber  aged about three   These  and a
dark complexioned young woman  with a habit of snorting  who was
servant to the family  and informed me  before half an hour had
expired  that she was  a Orfling   and came from St  Luke s
workhouse  in the neighbourhood  completed the establishment   My
room was at the top of the house  at the back  a close chamber 
stencilled all over with an ornament which my young imagination
represented as a blue muffin  and very scantily furnished 

 I never thought   said Mrs  Micawber  when she came up  twin and
all  to show me the apartment  and sat down to take breath   before
I was married  when I lived with papa and mama  that I should ever
find it necessary to take a lodger   But Mr  Micawber being in
difficulties  all considerations of private feeling must give way  

I said   Yes  ma am  

 Mr  Micawber s difficulties are almost overwhelming just at
present   said Mrs  Micawber   and whether it is possible to bring
him through them  I don t know   When I lived at home with papa and
mama  I really should have hardly understood what the word meant 
in the sense in which I now employ it  but experientia does it   
as papa used to say  

I cannot satisfy myself whether she told me that Mr  Micawber had
been an officer in the Marines  or whether I have imagined it   I
only know that I believe to this hour that he WAS in the Marines
once upon a time  without knowing why   He was a sort of town
traveller for a number of miscellaneous houses  now  but made
little or nothing of it  I am afraid 

 If Mr  Micawber s creditors will not give him time   said Mrs 
Micawber   they must take the consequences  and the sooner they
bring it to an issue the better   Blood cannot be obtained from a
stone  neither can anything on account be obtained at present  not
to mention law expenses  from Mr  Micawber  

I never can quite understand whether my precocious self dependence
confused Mrs  Micawber in reference to my age  or whether she was
so full of the subject that she would have talked about it to the
very twins if there had been nobody else to communicate with  but
this was the strain in which she began  and she went on accordingly
all the time I knew her 

Poor Mrs  Micawber   She said she had tried to exert herself  and
so  I have no doubt  she had   The centre of the street door was
perfectly covered with a great brass plate  on which was engraved
 Mrs  Micawber s Boarding Establishment for Young Ladies   but I
never found that any young lady had ever been to school there  or
that any young lady ever came  or proposed to come  or that the
least preparation was ever made to receive any young lady   The
only visitors I ever saw  or heard of  were creditors   THEY used
to come at all hours  and some of them were quite ferocious   One
dirty faced man  I think he was a boot maker  used to edge himself
into the passage as early as seven o clock in the morning  and call
up the stairs to Mr  Micawber    Come   You ain t out yet  you
know   Pay us  will you   Don t hide  you know  that s mean   I
wouldn t be mean if I was you   Pay us  will you   You just pay us 
d ye hear   Come    Receiving no answer to these taunts  he would
mount in his wrath to the words  swindlers  and  robbers   and
these being ineffectual too  would sometimes go to the extremity of
crossing the street  and roaring up at the windows of the second
floor  where he knew Mr  Micawber was   At these times  Mr 
Micawber would be transported with grief and mortification  even to
the length  as I was once made aware by a scream from his wife  of
making motions at himself with a razor  but within half an hour
afterwards  he would polish up his shoes with extraordinary pains 
and go out  humming a tune with a greater air of gentility than
ever   Mrs  Micawber was quite as elastic   I have known her to be
thrown into fainting fits by the king s taxes at three o clock  and
to eat lamb chops  breaded  and drink warm ale  paid for with two
tea spoons that had gone to the pawnbroker s  at four   On one
occasion  when an execution had just been put in  coming home
through some chance as early as six o clock  I saw her lying  of
course with a twin  under the grate in a swoon  with her hair all
torn about her face  but I never knew her more cheerful than she
was  that very same night  over a veal cutlet before the kitchen
fire  telling me stories about her papa and mama  and the company
they used to keep 

In this house  and with this family  I passed my leisure time   My
own exclusive breakfast of a penny loaf and a pennyworth of milk 
I provided myself   I kept another small loaf  and a modicum of
cheese  on a particular shelf of a particular cupboard  to make my
supper on when I came back at night   This made a hole in the six
or seven shillings  I know well  and I was out at the warehouse all
day  and had to support myself on that money all the week   From
Monday morning until Saturday night  I had no advice  no counsel 
no encouragement  no consolation  no assistance  no support  of any
kind  from anyone  that I can call to mind  as I hope to go to
heaven 

I was so young and childish  and so little qualified   how could I
be otherwise    to undertake the whole charge of my own existence 
that often  in going to Murdstone and Grinby s  of a morning  I
could not resist the stale pastry put out for sale at half price at
the pastrycooks  doors  and spent in that the money I should have
kept for my dinner   Then  I went without my dinner  or bought a
roll or a slice of pudding   I remember two pudding shops  between
which I was divided  according to my finances   One was in a court
close to St  Martin s Church   at the back of the church    which
is now removed altogether   The pudding at that shop was made of
currants  and was rather a special pudding  but was dear 
twopennyworth not being larger than a pennyworth of more ordinary
pudding   A good shop for the latter was in the Strand   somewhere
in that part which has been rebuilt since   It was a stout pale
pudding  heavy and flabby  and with great flat raisins in it  stuck
in whole at wide distances apart   It came up hot at about my time
every day  and many a day did I dine off it   When I dined
regularly and handsomely  I had a saveloy and a penny loaf  or a
fourpenny plate of red beef from a cook s shop  or a plate of bread
and cheese and a glass of beer  from a miserable old public house
opposite our place of business  called the Lion  or the Lion and
something else that I have forgotten   Once  I remember carrying my
own bread  which I had brought from home in the morning  under my
arm  wrapped in a piece of paper  like a book  and going to a
famous alamode beef house near Drury Lane  and ordering a  small
plate  of that delicacy to eat with it   What the waiter thought of
such a strange little apparition coming in all alone  I don t know 
but I can see him now  staring at me as I ate my dinner  and
bringing up the other waiter to look   I gave him a halfpenny for
himself  and I wish he hadn t taken it 

We had half an hour  I think  for tea   When I had money enough  I
used to get half a pint of ready made coffee and a slice of bread
and butter   When I had none  I used to look at a venison shop in
Fleet Street  or I have strolled  at such a time  as far as Covent
Garden Market  and stared at the pineapples   I was fond of
wandering about the Adelphi  because it was a mysterious place 
with those dark arches   I see myself emerging one evening from
some of these arches  on a little public house close to the river 
with an open space before it  where some coal heavers were dancing 
to look at whom I sat down upon a bench   I wonder what they
thought of me 

I was such a child  and so little  that frequently when I went into
the bar of a strange public house for a glass of ale or porter  to
moisten what I had had for dinner  they were afraid to give it me 
I remember one hot evening I went into the bar of a public house 
and said to the landlord 
 What is your best   your very best   ale a glass    For it was a
special occasion   I don t know what   It may have been my
birthday 

 Twopence halfpenny   says the landlord   is the price of the
Genuine Stunning ale  

 Then   says I  producing the money   just draw me a glass of the
Genuine Stunning  if you please  with a good head to it  

The landlord looked at me in return over the bar  from head to
foot  with a strange smile on his face  and instead of drawing the
beer  looked round the screen and said something to his wife   She
came out from behind it  with her work in her hand  and joined him
in surveying me   Here we stand  all three  before me now   The
landlord in his shirt sleeves  leaning against the bar
window frame  his wife looking over the little half door  and I  in
some confusion  looking up at them from outside the partition 
They asked me a good many questions  as  what my name was  how old
I was  where I lived  how I was employed  and how I came there   To
all of which  that I might commit nobody  I invented  I am afraid 
appropriate answers   They served me with the ale  though I suspect
it was not the Genuine Stunning  and the landlord s wife  opening
the little half door of the bar  and bending down  gave me my money
back  and gave me a kiss that was half admiring and half
compassionate  but all womanly and good  I am sure 

I know I do not exaggerate  unconsciously and unintentionally  the
scantiness of my resources or the difficulties of my life   I know
that if a shilling were given me by Mr  Quinion at any time  I
spent it in a dinner or a tea   I know that I worked  from morning
until night  with common men and boys  a shabby child   I know that
I lounged about the streets  insufficiently and unsatisfactorily
fed   I know that  but for the mercy of God  I might easily have
been  for any care that was taken of me  a little robber or a
little vagabond 

Yet I held some station at Murdstone and Grinby s too   Besides
that Mr  Quinion did what a careless man so occupied  and dealing
with a thing so anomalous  could  to treat me as one upon a
different footing from the rest  I never said  to man or boy  how
it was that I came to be there  or gave the least indication of
being sorry that I was there   That I suffered in secret  and that
I suffered exquisitely  no one ever knew but I   How much I
suffered  it is  as I have said already  utterly beyond my power to
tell   But I kept my own counsel  and I did my work   I knew from
the first  that  if I could not do my work as well as any of the
rest  I could not hold myself above slight and contempt   I soon
became at least as expeditious and as skilful as either of the
other boys   Though perfectly familiar with them  my conduct and
manner were different enough from theirs to place a space between
us   They and the men generally spoke of me as  the little gent  
or  the young Suffolker    A certain man named Gregory  who was
foreman of the packers  and another named Tipp  who was the carman 
and wore a red jacket  used to address me sometimes as  David   but
I think it was mostly when we were very confidential  and when I
had made some efforts to entertain them  over our work  with some
results of the old readings  which were fast perishing out of my
remembrance   Mealy Potatoes uprose once  and rebelled against my
being so distinguished  but Mick Walker settled him in no time 

My rescue from this kind of existence I considered quite hopeless 
and abandoned  as such  altogether   I am solemnly convinced that
I never for one hour was reconciled to it  or was otherwise than
miserably unhappy  but I bore it  and even to Peggotty  partly for
the love of her and partly for shame  never in any letter  though
many passed between us  revealed the truth 

Mr  Micawber s difficulties were an addition to the distressed
state of my mind   In my forlorn state I became quite attached to
the family  and used to walk about  busy with Mrs  Micawber s
calculations of ways and means  and heavy with the weight of Mr 
Micawber s debts   On a Saturday night  which was my grand treat 
  partly because it was a great thing to walk home with six or
seven shillings in my pocket  looking into the shops and thinking
what such a sum would buy  and partly because I went home early   
Mrs  Micawber would make the most heart rending confidences to me 
also on a Sunday morning  when I mixed the portion of tea or coffee
I had bought over night  in a little shaving pot  and sat late at
my breakfast   It was nothing at all unusual for Mr  Micawber to
sob violently at the beginning of one of these Saturday night
conversations  and sing about jack s delight being his lovely Nan 
towards the end of it   I have known him come home to supper with
a flood of tears  and a declaration that nothing was now left but
a jail  and go to bed making a calculation of the expense of
putting bow windows to the house   in case anything turned up  
which was his favourite expression   And Mrs  Micawber was just the
same 

A curious equality of friendship  originating  I suppose  in our
respective circumstances  sprung up between me and these people 
notwithstanding the ludicrous disparity in our years   But I never
allowed myself to be prevailed upon to accept any invitation to eat
and drink with them out of their stock  knowing that they got on
badly with the butcher and baker  and had often not too much for
themselves   until Mrs  Micawber took me into her entire
confidence   This she did one evening as follows 

 Master Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber   I make no stranger of
you  and therefore do not hesitate to say that Mr  Micawber s
difficulties are coming to a crisis  

It made me very miserable to hear it  and I looked at Mrs 
Micawber s red eyes with the utmost sympathy 

 With the exception of the heel of a Dutch cheese   which is not
adapted to the wants of a young family    said Mrs  Micawber 
 there is really not a scrap of anything in the larder   I was
accustomed to speak of the larder when I lived with papa and mama 
and I use the word almost unconsciously   What I mean to express
is  that there is nothing to eat in the house  

 Dear me   I said  in great concern 

I had two or three shillings of my week s money in my pocket   from
which I presume that it must have been on a Wednesday night when we
held this conversation   and I hastily produced them  and with
heartfelt emotion begged Mrs  Micawber to accept of them as a loan 
But that lady  kissing me  and making me put them back in my
pocket  replied that she couldn t think of it 

 No  my dear Master Copperfield   said she   far be it from my
thoughts   But you have a discretion beyond your years  and can
render me another kind of service  if you will  and a service I
will thankfully accept of  

I begged Mrs  Micawber to name it 

 I have parted with the plate myself   said Mrs  Micawber    Six
tea  two salt  and a pair of sugars  I have at different times
borrowed money on  in secret  with my own hands   But the twins are
a great tie  and to me  with my recollections  of papa and mama 
these transactions are very painful   There are still a few trifles
that we could part with   Mr  Micawber s feelings would never allow
him to dispose of them  and Clickett    this was the girl from the
workhouse    being of a vulgar mind  would take painful liberties
if so much confidence was reposed in her   Master Copperfield  if
I might ask you   

I understood Mrs  Micawber now  and begged her to make use of me to
any extent   I began to dispose of the more portable articles of
property that very evening  and went out on a similar expedition
almost every morning  before I went to Murdstone and Grinby s 

Mr  Micawber had a few books on a little chiffonier  which he
called the library  and those went first   I carried them  one
after another  to a bookstall in the City Road   one part of which 
near our house  was almost all bookstalls and bird shops then   and
sold them for whatever they would bring   The keeper of this
bookstall  who lived in a little house behind it  used to get tipsy
every night  and to be violently scolded by his wife every morning 
More than once  when I went there early  I had audience of him in
a turn up bedstead  with a cut in his forehead or a black eye 
bearing witness to his excesses over night  I am afraid he was
quarrelsome in his drink   and he  with a shaking hand 
endeavouring to find the needful shillings in one or other of the
pockets of his clothes  which lay upon the floor  while his wife 
with a baby in her arms and her shoes down at heel  never left off
rating him   Sometimes he had lost his money  and then he would ask
me to call again  but his wife had always got some   had taken his 
I dare say  while he was drunk   and secretly completed the bargain
on the stairs  as we went down together 
At the pawnbroker s shop  too  I began to be very well known   The
principal gentleman who officiated behind the counter  took a good
deal of notice of me  and often got me  I recollect  to decline a
Latin noun or adjective  or to conjugate a Latin verb  in his ear 
while he transacted my business   After all these occasions Mrs 
Micawber made a little treat  which was generally a supper  and
there was a peculiar relish in these meals which I well remember 

At last Mr  Micawber s difficulties came to a crisis  and he was
arrested early one morning  and carried over to the King s Bench
Prison in the Borough   He told me  as he went out of the house 
that the God of day had now gone down upon him   and I really
thought his heart was broken and mine too   But I heard 
afterwards  that he was seen to play a lively game at skittles 
before noon 

On the first Sunday after he was taken there  I was to go and see
him  and have dinner with him   I was to ask my way to such a
place  and just short of that place I should see such another
place  and just short of that I should see a yard  which I was to
cross  and keep straight on until I saw a turnkey   All this I did 
and when at last I did see a turnkey  poor little fellow that I
was    and thought how  when Roderick Random was in a debtors 
prison  there was a man there with nothing on him but an old rug 
the turnkey swam before my dimmed eyes and my beating heart 

Mr  Micawber was waiting for me within the gate  and we went up to
his room  top story but one   and cried very much   He solemnly
conjured me  I remember  to take warning by his fate  and to
observe that if a man had twenty pounds a year for his income  and
spent nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and sixpence  he would be
happy  but that if he spent twenty pounds one he would be
miserable   After which he borrowed a shilling of me for porter 
gave me a written order on Mrs  Micawber for the amount  and put
away his pocket handkerchief  and cheered up 

We sat before a little fire  with two bricks put within the rusted
grate  one on each side  to prevent its burning too many coals 
until another debtor  who shared the room with Mr  Micawber  came
in from the bakehouse with the loin of mutton which was our
joint stock repast   Then I was sent up to  Captain Hopkins  in the
room overhead  with Mr  Micawber s compliments  and I was his young
friend  and would Captain Hopkins lend me a knife and fork 

Captain Hopkins lent me the knife and fork  with his compliments to
Mr  Micawber   There was a very dirty lady in his little room  and
two wan girls  his daughters  with shock heads of hair   I thought
it was better to borrow Captain Hopkins s knife and fork  than
Captain Hopkins s comb   The Captain himself was in the last
extremity of shabbiness  with large whiskers  and an old  old brown
great coat with no other coat below it   I saw his bed rolled up in
a corner  and what plates and dishes and pots he had  on a shelf 
and I divined  God knows how  that though the two girls with the
shock heads of hair were Captain Hopkins s children  the dirty lady
was not married to Captain Hopkins   My timid station on his
threshold was not occupied more than a couple of minutes at most 
but I came down again with all this in my knowledge  as surely as
the knife and fork were in my hand 

There was something gipsy like and agreeable in the dinner  after
all   I took back Captain Hopkins s knife and fork early in the
afternoon  and went home to comfort Mrs  Micawber with an account
of my visit   She fainted when she saw me return  and made a little
jug of egg hot afterwards to console us while we talked it over 

I don t know how the household furniture came to be sold for the
family benefit  or who sold it  except that I did not   Sold it
was  however  and carried away in a van  except the bed  a few
chairs  and the kitchen table   With these possessions we encamped 
as it were  in the two parlours of the emptied house in Windsor
Terrace  Mrs  Micawber  the children  the Orfling  and myself  and
lived in those rooms night and day   I have no idea for how long 
though it seems to me for a long time   At last Mrs  Micawber
resolved to move into the prison  where Mr  Micawber had now
secured a room to himself   So I took the key of the house to the
landlord  who was very glad to get it  and the beds were sent over
to the King s Bench  except mine  for which a little room was hired
outside the walls in the neighbourhood of that Institution  very
much to my satisfaction  since the Micawbers and I had become too
used to one another  in our troubles  to part   The Orfling was
likewise accommodated with an inexpensive lodging in the same
neighbourhood   Mine was a quiet back garret with a sloping roof 
commanding a pleasant prospect of a timberyard  and when I took
possession of it  with the reflection that Mr  Micawber s troubles
had come to a crisis at last  I thought it quite a paradise 

All this time I was working at Murdstone and Grinby s in the same
common way  and with the same common companions  and with the same
sense of unmerited degradation as at first   But I never  happily
for me no doubt  made a single acquaintance  or spoke to any of the
many boys whom I saw daily in going to the warehouse  in coming
from it  and in prowling about the streets at meal times   I led
the same secretly unhappy life  but I led it in the same lonely 
self reliant manner   The only changes I am conscious of are 
firstly  that I had grown more shabby  and secondly  that I was now
relieved of much of the weight of Mr  and Mrs  Micawber s cares 
for some relatives or friends had engaged to help them at their
present pass  and they lived more comfortably in the prison than
they had lived for a long while out of it   I used to breakfast
with them now  in virtue of some arrangement  of which I have
forgotten the details   I forget  too  at what hour the gates were
opened in the morning  admitting of my going in  but I know that I
was often up at six o clock  and that my favourite lounging place
in the interval was old London Bridge  where I was wont to sit in
one of the stone recesses  watching the people going by  or to look
over the balustrades at the sun shining in the water  and lighting
up the golden flame on the top of the Monument   The Orfling met me
here sometimes  to be told some astonishing fictions respecting the
wharves and the Tower  of which I can say no more than that I hope
I believed them myself   In the evening I used to go back to the
prison  and walk up and down the parade with Mr  Micawber  or play
casino with Mrs  Micawber  and hear reminiscences of her papa and
mama   Whether Mr  Murdstone knew where I was  I am unable to say 
I never told them at Murdstone and Grinby s 

Mr  Micawber s affairs  although past their crisis  were very much
involved by reason of a certain  Deed   of which I used to hear a
great deal  and which I suppose  now  to have been some former
composition with his creditors  though I was so far from being
clear about it then  that I am conscious of having confounded it
with those demoniacal parchments which are held to have  once upon
a time  obtained to a great extent in Germany   At last this
document appeared to be got out of the way  somehow  at all events
it ceased to be the rock ahead it had been  and Mrs  Micawber
informed me that  her family  had decided that Mr  Micawber should
apply for his release under the Insolvent Debtors Act  which would
set him free  she expected  in about six weeks 

 And then   said Mr  Micawber  who was present   I have no doubt I
shall  please Heaven  begin to be beforehand with the world  and to
live in a perfectly new manner  if   in short  if anything turns
up  

By way of going in for anything that might be on the cards  I call
to mind that Mr  Micawber  about this time  composed a petition to
the House of Commons  praying for an alteration in the law of
imprisonment for debt   I set down this remembrance here  because
it is an instance to myself of the manner in which I fitted my old
books to my altered life  and made stories for myself  out of the
streets  and out of men and women  and how some main points in the
character I shall unconsciously develop  I suppose  in writing my
life  were gradually forming all this while 

There was a club in the prison  in which Mr  Micawber  as a
gentleman  was a great authority   Mr  Micawber had stated his idea
of this petition to the club  and the club had strongly approved of
the same   Wherefore Mr  Micawber  who was a thoroughly
good natured man  and as active a creature about everything but his
own affairs as ever existed  and never so happy as when he was busy
about something that could never be of any profit to him  set to
work at the petition  invented it  engrossed it on an immense sheet
of paper  spread it out on a table  and appointed a time for all
the club  and all within the walls if they chose  to come up to his
room and sign it 

When I heard of this approaching ceremony  I was so anxious to see
them all come in  one after another  though I knew the greater part
of them already  and they me  that I got an hour s leave of absence
from Murdstone and Grinby s  and established myself in a corner for
that purpose   As many of the principal members of the club as
could be got into the small room without filling it  supported Mr 
Micawber in front of the petition  while my old friend Captain
Hopkins  who had washed himself  to do honour to so solemn an
occasion  stationed himself close to it  to read it to all who were
unacquainted with its contents   The door was then thrown open  and
the general population began to come in  in a long file  several
waiting outside  while one entered  affixed his signature  and went
out   To everybody in succession  Captain Hopkins said   Have you
read it      No       Would you like to hear it read    If he
weakly showed the least disposition to hear it  Captain Hopkins  in
a loud sonorous voice  gave him every word of it   The Captain
would have read it twenty thousand times  if twenty thousand people
would have heard him  one by one   I remember a certain luscious
roll he gave to such phrases as  The people s representatives in
Parliament assembled    Your petitioners therefore humbly approach
your honourable house    His gracious Majesty s unfortunate
subjects   as if the words were something real in his mouth  and
delicious to taste  Mr  Micawber  meanwhile  listening with a
little of an author s vanity  and contemplating  not severely  the
spikes on the opposite wall 

As I walked to and fro daily between Southwark and Blackfriars  and
lounged about at meal times in obscure streets  the stones of which
may  for anything I know  be worn at this moment by my childish
feet  I wonder how many of these people were wanting in the crowd
that used to come filing before me in review again  to the echo of
Captain Hopkins s voice   When my thoughts go back  now  to that
slow agony of my youth  I wonder how much of the histories I
invented for such people hangs like a mist of fancy over
well remembered facts   When I tread the old ground  I do not
wonder that I seem to see and pity  going on before me  an innocent
romantic boy  making his imaginative world out of such strange
experiences and sordid things 



CHAPTER   
LIKING LIFE ON MY OWN ACCOUNT NO BETTER 
     I FORM A GREAT RESOLUTION


In due time  Mr  Micawber s petition was ripe for hearing  and that
gentleman was ordered to be discharged under the Act  to my great
joy   His creditors were not implacable  and Mrs  Micawber informed
me that even the revengeful boot maker had declared in open court
that he bore him no malice  but that when money was owing to him he
liked to be paid   He said he thought it was human nature 

M r Micawber returned to the King s Bench when his case was over 
as some fees were to be settled  and some formalities observed 
before he could be actually released   The club received him with
transport  and held an harmonic meeting that evening in his honour 
while Mrs  Micawber and I had a lamb s fry in private  surrounded
by the sleeping family 

 On such an occasion I will give you  Master Copperfield   said
Mrs  Micawber   in a little more flip   for we had been having some
already   the memory of my papa and mama  

 Are they dead  ma am   I inquired  after drinking the toast in a
wine glass 

 My mama departed this life   said Mrs  Micawber   before Mr 
Micawber s difficulties commenced  or at least before they became
pressing   My papa lived to bail Mr  Micawber several times  and
then expired  regretted by a numerous circle  

Mrs  Micawber shook her head  and dropped a pious tear upon the
twin who happened to be in hand 

As I could hardly hope for a more favourable opportunity of putting
a question in which I had a near interest  I said to Mrs  Micawber 

 May I ask  ma am  what you and Mr  Micawber intend to do  now that
Mr  Micawber is out of his difficulties  and at liberty   Have you
settled yet  

 My family   said Mrs  Micawber  who always said those two words
with an air  though I never could discover who came under the
denomination   my family are of opinion that Mr  Micawber should
quit London  and exert his talents in the country   Mr  Micawber is
a man of great talent  Master Copperfield  

I said I was sure of that 

 Of great talent   repeated Mrs  Micawber    My family are of
opinion  that  with a little interest  something might be done for
a man of his ability in the Custom House   The influence of my
family being local  it is their wish that Mr  Micawber should go
down to Plymouth   They think it indispensable that he should be
upon the spot  

 That he may be ready   I suggested 

 Exactly   returned Mrs  Micawber    That he may be ready   in case
of anything turning up  

 And do you go too  ma am  

The events of the day  in combination with the twins  if not with
the flip  had made Mrs  Micawber hysterical  and she shed tears as
she replied 

 I never will desert Mr  Micawber   Mr  Micawber may have concealed
his difficulties from me in the first instance  but his sanguine
temper may have led him to expect that he would overcome them   The
pearl necklace and bracelets which I inherited from mama  have been
disposed of for less than half their value  and the set of coral 
which was the wedding gift of my papa  has been actually thrown
away for nothing   But I never will desert Mr  Micawber   No  
cried Mrs  Micawber  more affected than before   I never will do
it   It s of no use asking me  

I felt quite uncomfortable   as if Mrs  Micawber supposed I had
asked her to do anything of the sort    and sat looking at her in
alarm 

 Mr  Micawber has his faults   I do not deny that he is
improvident   I do not deny that he has kept me in the dark as to
his resources and his liabilities both   she went on  looking at
the wall   but I never will desert Mr  Micawber  

Mrs  Micawber having now raised her voice into a perfect scream  I
was so frightened that I ran off to the club room  and disturbed
Mr  Micawber in the act of presiding at a long table  and leading
the chorus of

     Gee up  Dobbin 
     Gee ho  Dobbin 
     Gee up  Dobbin 
     Gee up  and gee ho   o   o 

with the tidings that Mrs  Micawber was in an alarming state  upon
which he immediately burst into tears  and came away with me with
his waistcoat full of the heads and tails of shrimps  of which he
had been partaking 

 Emma  my angel   cried Mr  Micawber  running into the room   what
is the matter  

 I never will desert you  Micawber   she exclaimed 

 My life   said Mr  Micawber  taking her in his arms    I am
perfectly aware of it  

 He is the parent of my children   He is the father of my twins 
He is the husband of my affections   cried Mrs  Micawber 
struggling   and I ne   ver   will   desert Mr  Micawber  

Mr  Micawber was so deeply affected by this proof of her devotion
 as to me  I was dissolved in tears   that he hung over her in a
passionate manner  imploring her to look up  and to be calm   But
the more he asked Mrs  Micawber to look up  the more she fixed her
eyes on nothing  and the more he asked her to compose herself  the
more she wouldn t   Consequently Mr  Micawber was soon so overcome 
that he mingled his tears with hers and mine  until he begged me to
do him the favour of taking a chair on the staircase  while he got
her into bed   I would have taken my leave for the night  but he
would not hear of my doing that until the strangers  bell should
ring   So I sat at the staircase window  until he came out with
another chair and joined me 

 How is Mrs  Micawber now  sir   I said 

 Very low   said Mr  Micawber  shaking his head   reaction   Ah 
this has been a dreadful day   We stand alone now   everything is
gone from us  

Mr  Micawber pressed my hand  and groaned  and afterwards shed
tears   I was greatly touched  and disappointed too  for I had
expected that we should be quite gay on this happy and
long looked for occasion   But Mr  and Mrs  Micawber were so used
to their old difficulties  I think  that they felt quite
shipwrecked when they came to consider that they were released from
them   All their elasticity was departed  and I never saw them half
so wretched as on this night  insomuch that when the bell rang  and
Mr  Micawber walked with me to the lodge  and parted from me there
with a blessing  I felt quite afraid to leave him by himself  he
was so profoundly miserable 

But through all the confusion and lowness of spirits in which we
had been  so unexpectedly to me  involved  I plainly discerned that
Mr  and Mrs  Micawber and their family were going away from London 
and that a parting between us was near at hand   It was in my walk
home that night  and in the sleepless hours which followed when I
lay in bed  that the thought first occurred to me   though I don t
know how it came into my head   which afterwards shaped itself into
a settled resolution 

I had grown to be so accustomed to the Micawbers  and had been so
intimate with them in their distresses  and was so utterly
friendless without them  that the prospect of being thrown upon
some new shift for a lodging  and going once more among unknown
people  was like being that moment turned adrift into my present
life  with such a knowledge of it ready made as experience had
given me   All the sensitive feelings it wounded so cruelly  all
the shame and misery it kept alive within my breast  became more
poignant as I thought of this  and I determined that the life was
unendurable 

That there was no hope of escape from it  unless the escape was my
own act  I knew quite well   I rarely heard from Miss Murdstone 
and never from Mr  Murdstone  but two or three parcels of made or
mended clothes had come up for me  consigned to Mr  Quinion  and in
each there was a scrap of paper to the effect that J  M  trusted D 
C  was applying himself to business  and devoting himself wholly to
his duties   not the least hint of my ever being anything else than
the common drudge into which I was fast settling down 

The very next day showed me  while my mind was in the first
agitation of what it had conceived  that Mrs  Micawber had not
spoken of their going away without warrant   They took a lodging in
the house where I lived  for a week  at the expiration of which
time they were to start for Plymouth   Mr  Micawber himself came
down to the counting house  in the afternoon  to tell Mr  Quinion
that he must relinquish me on the day of his departure  and to give
me a high character  which I am sure I deserved   And Mr  Quinion 
calling in Tipp the carman  who was a married man  and had a room
to let  quartered me prospectively on him   by our mutual consent 
as he had every reason to think  for I said nothing  though my
resolution was now taken 

I passed my evenings with Mr  and Mrs  Micawber  during the
remaining term of our residence under the same roof  and I think we
became fonder of one another as the time went on   On the last
Sunday  they invited me to dinner  and we had a loin of pork and
apple sauce  and a pudding   I had bought a spotted wooden horse
over night as a parting gift to little Wilkins Micawber   that was
the boy   and a doll for little Emma   I had also bestowed a
shilling on the Orfling  who was about to be disbanded 

We had a very pleasant day  though we were all in a tender state
about our approaching separation 

 I shall never  Master Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber   revert to
the period when Mr  Micawber was in difficulties  without thinking
of you   Your conduct has always been of the most delicate and
obliging description   You have never been a lodger   You have been
a friend  

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber   Copperfield   for so he had been
accustomed to call me  of late   has a heart to feel for the
distresses of his fellow creatures when they are behind a cloud 
and a head to plan  and a hand to   in short  a general ability to
dispose of such available property as could be made away with  

I expressed my sense of this commendation  and said I was very
sorry we were going to lose one another 

 My dear young friend   said Mr  Micawber   I am older than you  a
man of some experience in life  and   and of some experience  in
short  in difficulties  generally speaking   At present  and until
something turns up  which I am  I may say  hourly expecting   I
have nothing to bestow but advice   Still my advice is so far worth
taking  that   in short  that I have never taken it myself  and am
the    here Mr  Micawber  who had been beaming and smiling  all
over his head and face  up to the present moment  checked himself
and frowned    the miserable wretch you behold  

 My dear Micawber   urged his wife 

 I say   returned Mr  Micawber  quite forgetting himself  and
smiling again   the miserable wretch you behold   My advice is 
never do tomorrow what you can do today   Procrastination is the
thief of time   Collar him  

 My poor papa s maxim   Mrs  Micawber observed 

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber   your papa was very well in his way 
and Heaven forbid that I should disparage him   Take him for all in
all  we ne er shall   in short  make the acquaintance  probably  of
anybody else possessing  at his time of life  the same legs for
gaiters  and able to read the same description of print  without
spectacles   But he applied that maxim to our marriage  my dear 
and that was so far prematurely entered into  in consequence  that
I never recovered the expense    Mr  Micawber looked aside at Mrs 
Micawber  and added   Not that I am sorry for it   Quite the
contrary  my love    After which  he was grave for a minute or so 

 My other piece of advice  Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   you
know   Annual income twenty pounds  annual expenditure nineteen
nineteen and six  result happiness   Annual income twenty pounds 
annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six  result misery   The
blossom is blighted  the leaf is withered  the god of day goes down
upon the dreary scene  and   and in short you are for ever floored 
As I am  

To make his example the more impressive  Mr  Micawber drank a glass
of punch with an air of great enjoyment and satisfaction  and
whistled the College Hornpipe 

I did not fail to assure him that I would store these precepts in
my mind  though indeed I had no need to do so  for  at the time 
they affected me visibly   Next morning I met the whole family at
the coach office  and saw them  with a desolate heart  take their
places outside  at the back 

 Master Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber   God bless you   I never
can forget all that  you know  and I never would if I could  

 Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   farewell   Every happiness and
prosperity   If  in the progress of revolving years  I could
persuade myself that my blighted destiny had been a warning to you 
I should feel that I had not occupied another man s place in
existence altogether in vain   In case of anything turning up  of
which I am rather confident   I shall be extremely happy if it
should be in my power to improve your prospects  

I think  as Mrs  Micawber sat at the back of the coach  with the
children  and I stood in the road looking wistfully at them  a mist
cleared from her eyes  and she saw what a little creature I really
was   I think so  because she beckoned to me to climb up  with
quite a new and motherly expression in her face  and put her arm
round my neck  and gave me just such a kiss as she might have given
to her own boy   I had barely time to get down again before the
coach started  and I could hardly see the family for the
handkerchiefs they waved   It was gone in a minute   The Orfling
and I stood looking vacantly at each other in the middle of the
road  and then shook hands and said good bye  she going back  I
suppose  to St  Luke s workhouse  as I went to begin my weary day
at Murdstone and Grinby s 

But with no intention of passing many more weary days there   No 
I had resolved to run away     To go  by some means or other  down
into the country  to the only relation I had in the world  and tell
my story to my aunt  Miss Betsey 
I have already observed that I don t know how this desperate idea
came into my brain   But  once there  it remained there  and
hardened into a purpose than which I have never entertained a more
determined purpose in my life   I am far from sure that I believed
there was anything hopeful in it  but my mind was thoroughly made
up that it must be carried into execution 

Again  and again  and a hundred times again  since the night when
the thought had first occurred to me and banished sleep  I had gone
over that old story of my poor mother s about my birth  which it
had been one of my great delights in the old time to hear her tell 
and which I knew by heart   My aunt walked into that story  and
walked out of it  a dread and awful personage  but there was one
little trait in her behaviour which I liked to dwell on  and which
gave me some faint shadow of encouragement   I could not forget how
my mother had thought that she felt her touch her pretty hair with
no ungentle hand  and though it might have been altogether my
mother s fancy  and might have had no foundation whatever in fact 
I made a little picture  out of it  of my terrible aunt relenting
towards the girlish beauty that I recollected so well and loved so
much  which softened the whole narrative   It is very possible that
it had been in my mind a long time  and had gradually engendered my
determination 

As I did not even know where Miss Betsey lived  I wrote a long
letter to Peggotty  and asked her  incidentally  if she remembered 
pretending that I had heard of such a lady living at a certain
place I named at random  and had a curiosity to know if it were the
same   In the course of that letter  I told Peggotty that I had a
particular occasion for half a guinea  and that if she could lend
me that sum until I could repay it  I should be very much obliged
to her  and would tell her afterwards what I had wanted it for 

Peggotty s answer soon arrived  and was  as usual  full of
affectionate devotion   She enclosed the half guinea  I was afraid
she must have had a world of trouble to get it out of Mr  Barkis s
box   and told me that Miss Betsey lived near Dover  but whether at
Dover itself  at Hythe  Sandgate  or Folkestone  she could not say 
One of our men  however  informing me on my asking him about these
places  that they were all close together  I deemed this enough for
my object  and resolved to set out at the end of that week 

Being a very honest little creature  and unwilling to disgrace the
memory I was going to leave behind me at Murdstone and Grinby s  I
considered myself bound to remain until Saturday night  and  as I
had been paid a week s wages in advance when I first came there 
not to present myself in the counting house at the usual hour  to
receive my stipend   For this express reason  I had borrowed the
half guinea  that I might not be without a fund for my
travelling expenses   Accordingly  when the Saturday night came 
and we were all waiting in the warehouse to be paid  and Tipp the
carman  who always took precedence  went in first to draw his
money  I shook Mick Walker by the hand  asked him  when it came to
his turn to be paid  to say to Mr  Quinion that I had gone to move
my box to Tipp s  and  bidding a last good night to Mealy Potatoes 
ran away 

My box was at my old lodging  over the water  and I had written a
direction for it on the back of one of our address cards that we
nailed on the casks   Master David  to be left till called for  at
the Coach Office  Dover    This I had in my pocket ready to put on
the box  after I should have got it out of the house  and as I went
towards my lodging  I looked about me for someone who would help me
to carry it to the booking office 

There was a long legged young man with a very little empty
donkey cart  standing near the Obelisk  in the Blackfriars Road 
whose eye I caught as I was going by  and who  addressing me as
 Sixpenn orth of bad ha pence   hoped  I should know him agin to
swear to    in allusion  I have no doubt  to my staring at him   I
stopped to assure him that I had not done so in bad manners  but
uncertain whether he might or might not like a job 

 Wot job   said the long legged young man 

 To move a box   I answered 

 Wot box   said the long legged young man 

I told him mine  which was down that street there  and which I
wanted him to take to the Dover coach office for sixpence 

 Done with you for a tanner   said the long legged young man  and
directly got upon his cart  which was nothing but a large wooden
tray on wheels  and rattled away at such a rate  that it was as
much as I could do to keep pace with the donkey 

There was a defiant manner about this young man  and particularly
about the way in which he chewed straw as he spoke to me  that I
did not much like  as the bargain was made  however  I took him
upstairs to the room I was leaving  and we brought the box down 
and put it on his cart   Now  I was unwilling to put the
direction card on there  lest any of my landlord s family should
fathom what I was doing  and detain me  so I said to the young man
that I would be glad if he would stop for a minute  when he came to
the dead wall of the King s Bench prison   The words were no sooner
out of my mouth  than he rattled away as if he  my box  the cart 
and the donkey  were all equally mad  and I was quite out of breath
with running and calling after him  when I caught him at the place
appointed 

Being much flushed and excited  I tumbled my half guinea out of my
pocket in pulling the card out   I put it in my mouth for safety 
and though my hands trembled a good deal  had just tied the card on
very much to my satisfaction  when I felt myself violently chucked
under the chin by the long legged young man  and saw my half guinea
fly out of my mouth into his hand 

 Wot   said the young man  seizing me by my jacket collar  with a
frightful grin    This is a pollis case  is it   You re a going to
bolt  are you   Come to the pollis  you young warmin  come to the
pollis  

 You give me my money back  if you please   said I  very much
frightened   and leave me alone  

 Come to the pollis   said the young man    You shall prove it
yourn to the pollis  

 Give me my box and money  will you   I cried  bursting into tears 

The young man still replied   Come to the pollis   and was dragging
me against the donkey in a violent manner  as if there were any
affinity between that animal and a magistrate  when he changed his
mind  jumped into the cart  sat upon my box  and  exclaiming that
he would drive to the pollis straight  rattled away harder than
ever 

I ran after him as fast as I could  but I had no breath to call out
with  and should not have dared to call out  now  if I had   I
narrowly escaped being run over  twenty times at least  in half a
mile   Now I lost him  now I saw him  now I lost him  now I was cut
at with a whip  now shouted at  now down in the mud  now up again 
now running into somebody s arms  now running headlong at a post 
At length  confused by fright and heat  and doubting whether half
London might not by this time be turning out for my apprehension 
I left the young man to go where he would with my box and money 
and  panting and crying  but never stopping  faced about for
Greenwich  which I had understood was on the Dover Road  taking
very little more out of the world  towards the retreat of my aunt 
Miss Betsey  than I had brought into it  on the night when my
arrival gave her so much umbrage 



CHAPTER   
THE SEQUEL OF MY RESOLUTION


For anything I know  I may have had some wild idea of running all
the way to Dover  when I gave up the pursuit of the young man with
the donkey cart  and started for Greenwich   My scattered senses
were soon collected as to that point  if I had  for I came to a
stop in the Kent Road  at a terrace with a piece of water before
it  and a great foolish image in the middle  blowing a dry shell 
Here I sat down on a doorstep  quite spent and exhausted with the
efforts I had already made  and with hardly breath enough to cry
for the loss of my box and half guinea 

It was by this time dark  I heard the clocks strike ten  as I sat
resting   But it was a summer night  fortunately  and fine weather 
When I had recovered my breath  and had got rid of a stifling
sensation in my throat  I rose up and went on   In the midst of my
distress  I had no notion of going back   I doubt if I should have
had any  though there had been a Swiss snow drift in the Kent Road 

But my standing possessed of only three halfpence in the world  and
I am sure I wonder how they came to be left in my pocket on a
Saturday night   troubled me none the less because I went on   I
began to picture to myself  as a scrap of newspaper intelligence 
my being found dead in a day or two  under some hedge  and I
trudged on miserably  though as fast as I could  until I happened
to pass a little shop  where it was written up that ladies  and
gentlemen s wardrobes were bought  and that the best price was
given for rags  bones  and kitchen stuff   The master of this shop
was sitting at the door in his shirt sleeves  smoking  and as there
were a great many coats and pairs of trousers dangling from the low
ceiling  and only two feeble candles burning inside to show what
they were  I fancied that he looked like a man of a revengeful
disposition  who had hung all his enemies  and was enjoying
himself 

My late experiences with Mr  and Mrs  Micawber suggested to me that
here might be a means of keeping off the wolf for a little while 
I went up the next by street  took off my waistcoat  rolled it
neatly under my arm  and came back to the shop door 

 If you please  sir   I said   I am to sell this for a fair price  

Mr  Dolloby   Dolloby was the name over the shop door  at least  
took the waistcoat  stood his pipe on its head  against the
door post  went into the shop  followed by me  snuffed the two
candles with his fingers  spread the waistcoat on the counter  and
looked at it there  held it up against the light  and looked at it
there  and ultimately said 

 What do you call a price  now  for this here little weskit  

 Oh  you know best  sir   I returned modestly 

 I can t be buyer and seller too   said Mr  Dolloby    Put a price
on this here little weskit  

 Would eighteenpence be    I hinted  after some hesitation 

Mr  Dolloby rolled it up again  and gave it me back    I should rob
my family   he said   if I was to offer ninepence for it  

This was a disagreeable way of putting the business  because it
imposed upon me  a perfect stranger  the unpleasantness of asking
Mr  Dolloby to rob his family on my account   My circumstances
being so very pressing  however  I said I would take ninepence for
it  if he pleased   Mr  Dolloby  not without some grumbling  gave
ninepence   I wished him good night  and walked out of the shop the
richer by that sum  and the poorer by a waistcoat   But when I
buttoned my jacket  that was not much 
Indeed  I foresaw pretty clearly that my jacket would go next  and
that I should have to make the best of my way to Dover in a shirt
and a pair of trousers  and might deem myself lucky if I got there
even in that trim   But my mind did not run so much on this as
might be supposed   Beyond a general impression of the distance
before me  and of the young man with the donkey cart having used me
cruelly  I think I had no very urgent sense of my difficulties when
I once again set off with my ninepence in my pocket 

A plan had occurred to me for passing the night  which I was going
to carry into execution   This was  to lie behind the wall at the
back of my old school  in a corner where there used to be a
haystack   I imagined it would be a kind of company to have the
boys  and the bedroom where I used to tell the stories  so near me 
although the boys would know nothing of my being there  and the
bedroom would yield me no shelter 

I had had a hard day s work  and was pretty well jaded when I came
climbing out  at last  upon the level of Blackheath   It cost me
some trouble to find out Salem House  but I found it  and I found
a haystack in the corner  and I lay down by it  having first walked
round the wall  and looked up at the windows  and seen that all was
dark and silent within   Never shall I forget the lonely sensation
of first lying down  without a roof above my head 

Sleep came upon me as it came on many other outcasts  against whom
house doors were locked  and house dogs barked  that night   and I
dreamed of lying on my old school bed  talking to the boys in my
room  and found myself sitting upright  with Steerforth s name upon
my lips  looking wildly at the stars that were glistening and
glimmering above me   When I remembered where I was at that
untimely hour  a feeling stole upon me that made me get up  afraid
of I don t know what  and walk about   But the fainter glimmering
of the stars  and the pale light in the sky where the day was
coming  reassured me  and my eyes being very heavy  I lay down
again and slept   though with a knowledge in my sleep that it was
cold   until the warm beams of the sun  and the ringing of the
getting up bell at Salem House  awoke me   If I could have hoped
that Steerforth was there  I would have lurked about until he came
out alone  but I knew he must have left long since   Traddles still
remained  perhaps  but it was very doubtful  and I had not
sufficient confidence in his discretion or good luck  however
strong my reliance was on his good nature  to wish to trust him
with my situation   So I crept away from the wall as Mr  Creakle s
boys were getting up  and struck into the long dusty track which I
had first known to be the Dover Road when I was one of them  and
when I little expected that any eyes would ever see me the wayfarer
I was now  upon it 

What a different Sunday morning from the old Sunday morning at
Yarmouth   In due time I heard the church bells ringing  as I
plodded on  and I met people who were going to church  and I passed
a church or two where the congregation were inside  and the sound
of singing came out into the sunshine  while the beadle sat and
cooled himself in the shade of the porch  or stood beneath the
yew tree  with his hand to his forehead  glowering at me going by 
But the peace and rest of the old Sunday morning were on
everything  except me   That was the difference   I felt quite
wicked in my dirt and dust  with my tangled hair   But for the
quiet picture I had conjured up  of my mother in her youth and
beauty  weeping by the fire  and my aunt relenting to her  I hardly
think I should have had the courage to go on until next day   But
it always went before me  and I followed 

I got  that Sunday  through three and twenty miles on the straight
road  though not very easily  for I was new to that kind of toil 
I see myself  as evening closes in  coming over the bridge at
Rochester  footsore and tired  and eating bread that I had bought
for supper   One or two little houses  with the notice   Lodgings
for Travellers   hanging out  had tempted me  but I was afraid of
spending the few pence I had  and was even more afraid of the
vicious looks of the trampers I had met or overtaken   I sought no
shelter  therefore  but the sky  and toiling into Chatham    which 
in that night s aspect  is a mere dream of chalk  and drawbridges 
and mastless ships in a muddy river  roofed like Noah s arks   
crept  at last  upon a sort of grass grown battery overhanging a
lane  where a sentry was walking to and fro   Here I lay down  near
a cannon  and  happy in the society of the sentry s footsteps 
though he knew no more of my being above him than the boys at Salem
House had known of my lying by the wall  slept soundly until
morning 

Very stiff and sore of foot I was in the morning  and quite dazed
by the beating of drums and marching of troops  which seemed to hem
me in on every side when I went down towards the long narrow
street   Feeling that I could go but a very little way that day  if
I were to reserve any strength for getting to my journey s end  I
resolved to make the sale of my jacket its principal business 
Accordingly  I took the jacket off  that I might learn to do
without it  and carrying it under my arm  began a tour of
inspection of the various slop shops 

It was a likely place to sell a jacket in  for the dealers in
second hand clothes were numerous  and were  generally speaking  on
the look out for customers at their shop doors   But as most of
them had  hanging up among their stock  an officer s coat or two 
epaulettes and all  I was rendered timid by the costly nature of
their dealings  and walked about for a long time without offering
my merchandise to anyone 

This modesty of mine directed my attention to the marine store
shops  and such shops as Mr  Dolloby s  in preference to the
regular dealers   At last I found one that I thought looked
promising  at the corner of a dirty lane  ending in an enclosure
full of stinging nettles  against the palings of which some
second hand sailors  clothes  that seemed to have overflowed the
shop  were fluttering among some cots  and rusty guns  and oilskin
hats  and certain trays full of so many old rusty keys of so many
sizes that they seemed various enough to open all the doors in the
world 

Into this shop  which was low and small  and which was darkened
rather than lighted by a little window  overhung with clothes  and
was descended into by some steps  I went with a palpitating heart 
which was not relieved when an ugly old man  with the lower part of
his face all covered with a stubbly grey beard  rushed out of a
dirty den behind it  and seized me by the hair of my head   He was
a dreadful old man to look at  in a filthy flannel waistcoat  and
smelling terribly of rum   His bedstead  covered with a tumbled and
ragged piece of patchwork  was in the den he had come from  where
another little window showed a prospect of more stinging nettles 
and a lame donkey 

 Oh  what do you want   grinned this old man  in a fierce 
monotonous whine    Oh  my eyes and limbs  what do you want   Oh 
my lungs and liver  what do you want   Oh  goroo  goroo  

I was so much dismayed by these words  and particularly by the
repetition of the last unknown one  which was a kind of rattle in
his throat  that I could make no answer  hereupon the old man 
still holding me by the hair  repeated 

 Oh  what do you want   Oh  my eyes and limbs  what do you want 
Oh  my lungs and liver  what do you want   Oh  goroo     which he
screwed out of himself  with an energy that made his eyes start in
his head 

 I wanted to know   I said  trembling   if you would buy a jacket  

 Oh  let s see the jacket   cried the old man    Oh  my heart on
fire  show the jacket to us   Oh  my eyes and limbs  bring the
jacket out  

With that he took his trembling hands  which were like the claws of
a great bird  out of my hair  and put on a pair of spectacles  not
at all ornamental to his inflamed eyes 

 Oh  how much for the jacket   cried the old man  after examining
it    Oh   goroo    how much for the jacket  

 Half a crown   I answered  recovering myself 

 Oh  my lungs and liver   cried the old man   no   Oh  my eyes  no 
Oh  my limbs  no   Eighteenpence   Goroo  

Every time he uttered this ejaculation  his eyes seemed to be in
danger of starting out  and every sentence he spoke  he delivered
in a sort of tune  always exactly the same  and more like a gust of
wind  which begins low  mounts up high  and falls again  than any
other comparison I can find for it 

 Well   said I  glad to have closed the bargain   I ll take
eighteenpence  

 Oh  my liver   cried the old man  throwing the jacket on a shelf 
 Get out of the shop   Oh  my lungs  get out of the shop   Oh  my
eyes and limbs   goroo    don t ask for money  make it an
exchange    I never was so frightened in my life  before or since 
but I told him humbly that I wanted money  and that nothing else
was of any use to me  but that I would wait for it  as he desired 
outside  and had no wish to hurry him   So I went outside  and sat
down in the shade in a corner   And I sat there so many hours  that
the shade became sunlight  and the sunlight became shade again  and
still I sat there waiting for the money 

There never was such another drunken madman in that line of
business  I hope   That he was well known in the neighbourhood  and
enjoyed the reputation of having sold himself to the devil  I soon
understood from the visits he received from the boys  who
continually came skirmishing about the shop  shouting that legend 
and calling to him to bring out his gold    You ain t poor  you
know  Charley  as you pretend   Bring out your gold   Bring out
some of the gold you sold yourself to the devil for   Come   It s
in the lining of the mattress  Charley   Rip it open and let s have
some    This  and many offers to lend him a knife for the purpose 
exasperated him to such a degree  that the whole day was a
succession of rushes on his part  and flights on the part of the
boys   Sometimes in his rage he would take me for one of them  and
come at me  mouthing as if he were going to tear me in pieces 
then  remembering me  just in time  would dive into the shop  and
lie upon his bed  as I thought from the sound of his voice  yelling
in a frantic way  to his own windy tune  the  Death of Nelson  
with an Oh  before every line  and innumerable Goroos interspersed 
As if this were not bad enough for me  the boys  connecting me with
the establishment  on account of the patience and perseverance with
which I sat outside  half dressed  pelted me  and used me very ill
all day 

He made many attempts to induce me to consent to an exchange  at
one time coming out with a fishing rod  at another with a fiddle 
at another with a cocked hat  at another with a flute   But I
resisted all these overtures  and sat there in desperation  each
time asking him  with tears in my eyes  for my money or my jacket 
At last he began to pay me in halfpence at a time  and was full two
hours getting by easy stages to a shilling 

 Oh  my eyes and limbs   he then cried  peeping hideously out of
the shop  after a long pause   will you go for twopence more  

 I can t   I said   I shall be starved  

 Oh  my lungs and liver  will you go for threepence  

 I would go for nothing  if I could   I said   but I want the money
badly  

 Oh  go roo    it is really impossible to express how he twisted
this ejaculation out of himself  as he peeped round the door post
at me  showing nothing but his crafty old head    will you go for
fourpence  

I was so faint and weary that I closed with this offer  and taking
the money out of his claw  not without trembling  went away more
hungry and thirsty than I had ever been  a little before sunset 
But at an expense of threepence I soon refreshed myself completely 
and  being in better spirits then  limped seven miles upon my road 

My bed at night was under another haystack  where I rested
comfortably  after having washed my blistered feet in a stream  and
dressed them as well as I was able  with some cool leaves   When I
took the road again next morning  I found that it lay through a
succession of hop grounds and orchards   It was sufficiently late
in the year for the orchards to be ruddy with ripe apples  and in
a few places the hop pickers were already at work   I thought it
all extremely beautiful  and made up my mind to sleep among the
hops that night  imagining some cheerful companionship in the long
perspectives of poles  with the graceful leaves twining round them 

The trampers were worse than ever that day  and inspired me with a
dread that is yet quite fresh in my mind   Some of them were most
ferocious looking ruffians  who stared at me as I went by  and
stopped  perhaps  and called after me to come back and speak to
them  and when I took to my heels  stoned me   I recollect one
young fellow   a tinker  I suppose  from his wallet and brazier  
who had a woman with him  and who faced about and stared at me
thus  and then roared to me in such a tremendous voice to come
back  that I halted and looked round 

 Come here  when you re called   said the tinker   or I ll rip your
young body open  

I thought it best to go back   As I drew nearer to them  trying to
propitiate the tinker by my looks  I observed that the woman had a
black eye 

 Where are you going   said the tinker  gripping the bosom of my
shirt with his blackened hand 

 I am going to Dover   I said 

 Where do you come from   asked the tinker  giving his hand another
turn in my shirt  to hold me more securely 

 I come from London   I said 

 What lay are you upon   asked the tinker    Are you a prig  

 N no   I said 

 Ain t you  by G     If you make a brag of your honesty to me  
said the tinker   I ll knock your brains out  

With his disengaged hand he made a menace of striking me  and then
looked at me from head to foot 

 Have you got the price of a pint of beer about you   said the
tinker    If you have  out with it  afore I take it away  

I should certainly have produced it  but that I met the woman s
look  and saw her very slightly shake her head  and form  No   with
her lips 

 I am very poor   I said  attempting to smile   and have got no
money  

 Why  what do you mean   said the tinker  looking so sternly at me 
that I almost feared he saw the money in my pocket 

 Sir   I stammered 

 What do you mean   said the tinker   by wearing my brother s silk
handkerchief   Give it over here    And he had mine off my neck in
a moment  and tossed it to the woman 

The woman burst into a fit of laughter  as if she thought this a
joke  and tossed it back to me  nodded once  as slightly as before 
and made the word  Go   with her lips   Before I could obey 
however  the tinker seized the handkerchief out of my hand with a
roughness that threw me away like a feather  and putting it loosely
round his own neck  turned upon the woman with an oath  and knocked
her down   I never shall forget seeing her fall backward on the
hard road  and lie there with her bonnet tumbled off  and her hair
all whitened in the dust  nor  when I looked back from a distance 
seeing her sitting on the pathway  which was a bank by the
roadside  wiping the blood from her face with a corner of her
shawl  while he went on ahead 

This adventure frightened me so  that  afterwards  when I saw any
of these people coming  I turned back until I could find a
hiding place  where I remained until they had gone out of sight 
which happened so often  that I was very seriously delayed   But
under this difficulty  as under all the other difficulties of my
journey  I seemed to be sustained and led on by my fanciful picture
of my mother in her youth  before I came into the world   It always
kept me company   It was there  among the hops  when I lay down to
sleep  it was with me on my waking in the morning  it went before
me all day   I have associated it  ever since  with the sunny
street of Canterbury  dozing as it were in the hot light  and with
the sight of its old houses and gateways  and the stately  grey
Cathedral  with the rooks sailing round the towers   When I came 
at last  upon the bare  wide downs near Dover  it relieved the
solitary aspect of the scene with hope  and not until I reached
that first great aim of my journey  and actually set foot in the
town itself  on the sixth day of my flight  did it desert me   But
then  strange to say  when I stood with my ragged shoes  and my
dusty  sunburnt  half clothed figure  in the place so long desired 
it seemed to vanish like a dream  and to leave me helpless and
dispirited 

I inquired about my aunt among the boatmen first  and received
various answers   One said she lived in the South Foreland Light 
and had singed her whiskers by doing so  another  that she was made
fast to the great buoy outside the harbour  and could only be
visited at half tide  a third  that she was locked up in Maidstone
jail for child stealing  a fourth  that she was seen to mount a
broom in the last high wind  and make direct for Calais   The
fly drivers  among whom I inquired next  were equally jocose and
equally disrespectful  and the shopkeepers  not liking my
appearance  generally replied  without hearing what I had to say 
that they had got nothing for me   I felt more miserable and
destitute than I had done at any period of my running away   My
money was all gone  I had nothing left to dispose of  I was hungry 
thirsty  and worn out  and seemed as distant from my end as if I
had remained in London 

The morning had worn away in these inquiries  and I was sitting on
the step of an empty shop at a street corner  near the
market place  deliberating upon wandering towards those other
places which had been mentioned  when a fly driver  coming by with
his carriage  dropped a horsecloth   Something good natured in the
man s face  as I handed it up  encouraged me to ask him if he could
tell me where Miss Trotwood lived  though I had asked the question
so often  that it almost died upon my lips 

 Trotwood   said he    Let me see   I know the name  too   Old
lady  

 Yes   I said   rather  

 Pretty stiff in the back   said he  making himself upright 

 Yes   I said    I should think it very likely  

 Carries a bag   said he    bag with a good deal of room in it   is
gruffish  and comes down upon you  sharp  

My heart sank within me as I acknowledged the undoubted accuracy of
this description 

 Why then  I tell you what   said he    If you go up there  
pointing with his whip towards the heights   and keep right on till
you come to some houses facing the sea  I think you ll hear of her 
My opinion is she won t stand anything  so here s a penny for you  

I accepted the gift thankfully  and bought a loaf with it 
Dispatching this refreshment by the way  I went in the direction my
friend had indicated  and walked on a good distance without coming
to the houses he had mentioned   At length I saw some before me 
and approaching them  went into a little shop  it was what we used
to call a general shop  at home   and inquired if they could have
the goodness to tell me where Miss Trotwood lived   I addressed
myself to a man behind the counter  who was weighing some rice for
a young woman  but the latter  taking the inquiry to herself 
turned round quickly 

 My mistress   she said    What do you want with her  boy  

 I want   I replied   to speak to her  if you please  

 To beg of her  you mean   retorted the damsel 

 No   I said   indeed    But suddenly remembering that in truth I
came for no other purpose  I held my peace in confusion  and felt
my face burn 

MY aunt s handmaid  as I supposed she was from what she had said 
put her rice in a little basket and walked out of the shop  telling
me that I could follow her  if I wanted to know where Miss Trotwood
lived   I needed no second permission  though I was by this time in
such a state of consternation and agitation  that my legs shook
under me   I followed the young woman  and we soon came to a very
neat little cottage with cheerful bow windows  in front of it  a
small square gravelled court or garden full of flowers  carefully
tended  and smelling deliciously 

 This is Miss Trotwood s   said the young woman    Now you know 
and that s all I have got to say    With which words she hurried
into the house  as if to shake off the responsibility of my
appearance  and left me standing at the garden gate  looking
disconsolately over the top of it towards the parlour window  where
a muslin curtain partly undrawn in the middle  a large round green
screen or fan fastened on to the windowsill  a small table  and a
great chair  suggested to me that my aunt might be at that moment
seated in awful state 

My shoes were by this time in a woeful condition   The soles had
shed themselves bit by bit  and the upper leathers had broken and
burst until the very shape and form of shoes had departed from
them   My hat  which had served me for a night cap  too  was so
crushed and bent  that no old battered handleless saucepan on a
dunghill need have been ashamed to vie with it   My shirt and
trousers  stained with heat  dew  grass  and the Kentish soil on
which I had slept   and torn besides   might have frightened the
birds from my aunt s garden  as I stood at the gate   My hair had
known no comb or brush since I left London   My face  neck  and
hands  from unaccustomed exposure to the air and sun  were burnt to
a berry brown   From head to foot I was powdered almost as white
with chalk and dust  as if I had come out of a lime kiln   In this
plight  and with a strong consciousness of it  I waited to
introduce myself to  and make my first impression on  my formidable
aunt 

The unbroken stillness of the parlour window leading me to infer 
after a while  that she was not there  I lifted up my eyes to the
window above it  where I saw a florid  pleasant looking gentleman 
with a grey head  who shut up one eye in a grotesque manner  nodded
his head at me several times  shook it at me as often  laughed  and
went away 

I had been discomposed enough before  but I was so much the more
discomposed by this unexpected behaviour  that I was on the point
of slinking off  to think how I had best proceed  when there came
out of the house a lady with her handkerchief tied over her cap 
and a pair of gardening gloves on her hands  wearing a gardening
pocket like a toll man s apron  and carrying a great knife   I knew
her immediately to be Miss Betsey  for she came stalking out of the
house exactly as my poor mother had so often described her stalking
up our garden at Blunderstone Rookery 

 Go away   said Miss Betsey  shaking her head  and making a distant
chop in the air with her knife    Go along   No boys here  

I watched her  with my heart at my lips  as she marched to a corner
of her garden  and stooped to dig up some little root there   Then 
without a scrap of courage  but with a great deal of desperation 
I went softly in and stood beside her  touching her with my finger 

 If you please  ma am   I began 

She started and looked up 

 If you please  aunt  

 EH   exclaimed Miss Betsey  in a tone of amazement I have never
heard approached 

 If you please  aunt  I am your nephew  

 Oh  Lord   said my aunt   And sat flat down in the garden path 

 I am David Copperfield  of Blunderstone  in Suffolk   where you
came  on the night when I was born  and saw my dear mama   I have
been very unhappy since she died   I have been slighted  and taught
nothing  and thrown upon myself  and put to work not fit for me 
It made me run away to you   I was robbed at first setting out  and
have walked all the way  and have never slept in a bed since I
began the journey    Here my self support gave way all at once  and
with a movement of my hands  intended to show her my ragged state 
and call it to witness that I had suffered something  I broke into
a passion of crying  which I suppose had been pent up within me all
the week 

My aunt  with every sort of expression but wonder discharged from
her countenance  sat on the gravel  staring at me  until I began to
cry  when she got up in a great hurry  collared me  and took me
into the parlour   Her first proceeding there was to unlock a tall
press  bring out several bottles  and pour some of the contents of
each into my mouth   I think they must have been taken out at
random  for I am sure I tasted aniseed water  anchovy sauce  and
salad dressing   When she had administered these restoratives  as
I was still quite hysterical  and unable to control my sobs  she
put me on the sofa  with a shawl under my head  and the
handkerchief from her own head under my feet  lest I should sully
the cover  and then  sitting herself down behind the green fan or
screen I have already mentioned  so that I could not see her face 
ejaculated at intervals   Mercy on us   letting those exclamations
off like minute guns 

After a time she rang the bell    Janet   said my aunt  when her
servant came in    Go upstairs  give my compliments to Mr  Dick 
and say I wish to speak to him  

Janet looked a little surprised to see me lying stiffly on the sofa
 I was afraid to move lest it should be displeasing to my aunt  
but went on her errand   My aunt  with her hands behind her  walked
up and down the room  until the gentleman who had squinted at me
from the upper window came in laughing 

 Mr  Dick   said my aunt   don t be a fool  because nobody can be
more discreet than you can  when you choose   We all know that   So
don t be a fool  whatever you are  

The gentleman was serious immediately  and looked at me  I thought 
as if he would entreat me to say nothing about the window 

 Mr  Dick   said my aunt   you have heard me mention David
Copperfield   Now don t pretend not to have a memory  because you
and I know better  

 David Copperfield   said Mr  Dick  who did not appear to me to
remember much about it    David Copperfield   Oh yes  to be sure 
David  certainly  

 Well   said my aunt   this is his boy   his son   He would be as
like his father as it s possible to be  if he was not so like his
mother  too  

 His son   said Mr  Dick    David s son   Indeed  

 Yes   pursued my aunt   and he has done a pretty piece of
business   He has run away   Ah   His sister  Betsey Trotwood 
never would have run away    My aunt shook her head firmly 
confident in the character and behaviour of the girl who never was
born 

 Oh  you think she wouldn t have run away   said Mr  Dick 

 Bless and save the man   exclaimed my aunt  sharply   how he
talks   Don t I know she wouldn t   She would have lived with her
god mother  and we should have been devoted to one another   Where 
in the name of wonder  should his sister  Betsey Trotwood  have run
from  or to  

 Nowhere   said Mr  Dick 

 Well then   returned my aunt  softened by the reply   how can you
pretend to be wool gathering  Dick  when you are as sharp as a
surgeon s lancet   Now  here you see young David Copperfield  and
the question I put to you is  what shall I do with him  

 What shall you do with him   said Mr  Dick  feebly  scratching his
head    Oh  do with him  

 Yes   said my aunt  with a grave look  and her forefinger held up 
 Come   I want some very sound advice  

 Why  if I was you   said Mr  Dick  considering  and looking
vacantly at me   I should    The contemplation of me seemed to
inspire him with a sudden idea  and he added  briskly   I should
wash him  

 Janet   said my aunt  turning round with a quiet triumph  which I
did not then understand   Mr  Dick sets us all right   Heat the
bath  

Although I was deeply interested in this dialogue  I could not help
observing my aunt  Mr  Dick  and Janet  while it was in progress 
and completing a survey I had already been engaged in making of the
room 

MY aunt was a tall  hard featured lady  but by no means
ill looking   There was an inflexibility in her face  in her voice 
in her gait and carriage  amply sufficient to account for the
effect she had made upon a gentle creature like my mother  but her
features were rather handsome than otherwise  though unbending and
austere   I particularly noticed that she had a very quick  bright
eye   Her hair  which was grey  was arranged in two plain
divisions  under what I believe would be called a mob cap  I mean
a cap  much more common then than now  with side pieces fastening
under the chin   Her dress was of a lavender colour  and perfectly
neat  but scantily made  as if she desired to be as little
encumbered as possible   I remember that I thought it  in form 
more like a riding habit with the superfluous skirt cut off  than
anything else   She wore at her side a gentleman s gold watch  if
I might judge from its size and make  with an appropriate chain and
seals  she had some linen at her throat not unlike a shirt collar 
and things at her wrists like little shirt wristbands 

Mr  Dick  as I have already said  was grey headed  and florid  I
should have said all about him  in saying so  had not his head been
curiously bowed   not by age  it reminded me of one of Mr 
Creakle s boys  heads after a beating   and his grey eyes prominent
and large  with a strange kind of watery brightness in them that
made me  in combination with his vacant manner  his submission to
my aunt  and his childish delight when she praised him  suspect him
of being a little mad  though  if he were mad  how he came to be
there puzzled me extremely   He was dressed like any other ordinary
gentleman  in a loose grey morning coat and waistcoat  and white
trousers  and had his watch in his fob  and his money in his
pockets  which he rattled as if he were very proud of it 

Janet was a pretty blooming girl  of about nineteen or twenty  and
a perfect picture of neatness   Though I made no further
observation of her at the moment  I may mention here what I did not
discover until afterwards  namely  that she was one of a series of
protegees whom my aunt had taken into her service expressly to
educate in a renouncement of mankind  and who had generally
completed their abjuration by marrying the baker 

The room was as neat as Janet or my aunt   As I laid down my pen 
a moment since  to think of it  the air from the sea came blowing
in again  mixed with the perfume of the flowers  and I saw the
old fashioned furniture brightly rubbed and polished  my aunt s
inviolable chair and table by the round green fan in the
bow window  the drugget covered carpet  the cat  the kettle holder 
the two canaries  the old china  the punchbowl full of dried
rose leaves  the tall press guarding all sorts of bottles and pots 
and  wonderfully out of keeping with the rest  my dusty self upon
the sofa  taking note of everything 

Janet had gone away to get the bath ready  when my aunt  to my
great alarm  became in one moment rigid with indignation  and had
hardly voice to cry out   Janet   Donkeys  

Upon which  Janet came running up the stairs as if the house were
in flames  darted out on a little piece of green in front  and
warned off two saddle donkeys  lady ridden  that had presumed to
set hoof upon it  while my aunt  rushing out of the house  seized
the bridle of a third animal laden with a bestriding child  turned
him  led him forth from those sacred precincts  and boxed the ears
of the unlucky urchin in attendance who had dared to profane that
hallowed ground 

To this hour I don t know whether my aunt had any lawful right of
way over that patch of green  but she had settled it in her own
mind that she had  and it was all the same to her   The one great
outrage of her life  demanding to be constantly avenged  was the
passage of a donkey over that immaculate spot   In whatever
occupation she was engaged  however interesting to her the
conversation in which she was taking part  a donkey turned the
current of her ideas in a moment  and she was upon him straight 
Jugs of water  and watering pots  were kept in secret places ready
to be discharged on the offending boys  sticks were laid in ambush
behind the door  sallies were made at all hours  and incessant war
prevailed   Perhaps this was an agreeable excitement to the
donkey boys  or perhaps the more sagacious of the donkeys 
understanding how the case stood  delighted with constitutional
obstinacy in coming that way   I only know that there were three
alarms before the bath was ready  and that on the occasion of the
last and most desperate of all  I saw my aunt engage 
single handed  with a sandy headed lad of fifteen  and bump his
sandy head against her own gate  before he seemed to comprehend
what was the matter   These interruptions were of the more
ridiculous to me  because she was giving me broth out of a
table spoon at the time  having firmly persuaded herself that I was
actually starving  and must receive nourishment at first in very
small quantities   and  while my mouth was yet open to receive the
spoon  she would put it back into the basin  cry  Janet   Donkeys  
and go out to the assault 

The bath was a great comfort   For I began to be sensible of acute
pains in my limbs from lying out in the fields  and was now so
tired and low that I could hardly keep myself awake for five
minutes together   When I had bathed  they  I mean my aunt and
Janet  enrobed me in a shirt and a pair of trousers belonging to
Mr  Dick  and tied me up in two or three great shawls   What sort
of bundle I looked like  I don t know  but I felt a very hot one 
Feeling also very faint and drowsy  I soon lay down on the sofa
again and fell asleep 

It might have been a dream  originating in the fancy which had
occupied my mind so long  but I awoke with the impression that my
aunt had come and bent over me  and had put my hair away from my
face  and laid my head more comfortably  and had then stood looking
at me   The words   Pretty fellow   or  Poor fellow   seemed to be
in my ears  too  but certainly there was nothing else  when I
awoke  to lead me to believe that they had been uttered by my aunt 
who sat in the bow window gazing at the sea from behind the green
fan  which was mounted on a kind of swivel  and turned any way 

We dined soon after I awoke  off a roast fowl and a pudding  I
sitting at table  not unlike a trussed bird myself  and moving my
arms with considerable difficulty   But as my aunt had swathed me
up  I made no complaint of being inconvenienced   All this time I
was deeply anxious to know what she was going to do with me  but
she took her dinner in profound silence  except when she
occasionally fixed her eyes on me sitting opposite  and said 
 Mercy upon us   which did not by any means relieve my anxiety 

The cloth being drawn  and some sherry put upon the table  of which
I had a glass   my aunt sent up for Mr  Dick again  who joined us 
and looked as wise as he could when she requested him to attend to
my story  which she elicited from me  gradually  by a course of
questions   During my recital  she kept her eyes on Mr  Dick  who
I thought would have gone to sleep but for that  and who 
whensoever he lapsed into a smile  was checked by a frown from my
aunt 

 Whatever possessed that poor unfortunate Baby  that she must go
and be married again   said my aunt  when I had finished   I can t
conceive  

 Perhaps she fell in love with her second husband   Mr  Dick
suggested 

 Fell in love   repeated my aunt    What do you mean   What
business had she to do it  

 Perhaps   Mr  Dick simpered  after thinking a little   she did it
for pleasure  

 Pleasure  indeed   replied my aunt    A mighty pleasure for the
poor Baby to fix her simple faith upon any dog of a fellow  certain
to ill use her in some way or other   What did she propose to
herself  I should like to know   She had had one husband   She had
seen David Copperfield out of the world  who was always running
after wax dolls from his cradle   She had got a baby   oh  there
were a pair of babies when she gave birth to this child sitting
here  that Friday night    and what more did she want  

Mr  Dick secretly shook his head at me  as if he thought there was
no getting over this 

 She couldn t even have a baby like anybody else   said my aunt 
 Where was this child s sister  Betsey Trotwood   Not forthcoming 
Don t tell me  

Mr  Dick seemed quite frightened 

 That little man of a doctor  with his head on one side   said my
aunt   Jellips  or whatever his name was  what was he about   All
he could do  was to say to me  like a robin redbreast   as he is  
 It s a boy    A boy   Yah  the imbecility of the whole set of
 em  

The heartiness of the ejaculation startled Mr  Dick exceedingly 
and me  too  if I am to tell the truth 

 And then  as if this was not enough  and she had not stood
sufficiently in the light of this child s sister  Betsey Trotwood  
said my aunt   she marries a second time   goes and marries a
Murderer   or a man with a name like it   and stands in THIS
child s light   And the natural consequence is  as anybody but a
baby might have foreseen  that he prowls and wanders   He s as like
Cain before he was grown up  as he can be  

Mr  Dick looked hard at me  as if to identify me in this character 

 And then there s that woman with the Pagan name   said my aunt 
 that Peggotty  she goes and gets married next   Because she has
not seen enough of the evil attending such things  she goes and
gets married next  as the child relates   I only hope   said my
aunt  shaking her head   that her husband is one of those Poker
husbands who abound in the newspapers  and will beat her well with
one  

I could not bear to hear my old nurse so decried  and made the
subject of such a wish   I told my aunt that indeed she was
mistaken   That Peggotty was the best  the truest  the most
faithful  most devoted  and most self denying friend and servant in
the world  who had ever loved me dearly  who had ever loved my
mother dearly  who had held my mother s dying head upon her arm  on
whose face my mother had imprinted her last grateful kiss   And my
remembrance of them both  choking me  I broke down as I was trying
to say that her home was my home  and that all she had was mine 
and that I would have gone to her for shelter  but for her humble
station  which made me fear that I might bring some trouble on her
  I broke down  I say  as I was trying to say so  and laid my face
in my hands upon the table 

 Well  well   said my aunt   the child is right to stand by those
who have stood by him   Janet   Donkeys  

I thoroughly believe that but for those unfortunate donkeys  we
should have come to a good understanding  for my aunt had laid her
hand on my shoulder  and the impulse was upon me  thus emboldened 
to embrace her and beseech her protection   But the interruption 
and the disorder she was thrown into by the struggle outside  put
an end to all softer ideas for the present  and kept my aunt
indignantly declaiming to Mr  Dick about her determination to
appeal for redress to the laws of her country  and to bring actions
for trespass against the whole donkey proprietorship of Dover 
until tea time 

After tea  we sat at the window   on the look out  as I imagined 
from my aunt s sharp expression of face  for more invaders   until
dusk  when Janet set candles  and a backgammon board  on the table 
and pulled down the blinds 

 Now  Mr  Dick   said my aunt  with her grave look  and her
forefinger up as before   I am going to ask you another question 
Look at this child  

 David s son   said Mr  Dick  with an attentive  puzzled face 

 Exactly so   returned my aunt    What would you do with him  now  

 Do with David s son   said Mr  Dick 

 Ay   replied my aunt   with David s son  

 Oh   said Mr  Dick    Yes   Do with   I should put him to bed  

 Janet   cried my aunt  with the same complacent triumph that I had
remarked before    Mr  Dick sets us all right   If the bed is
ready  we ll take him up to it  

Janet reporting it to be quite ready  I was taken up to it  kindly 
but in some sort like a prisoner  my aunt going in front and Janet
bringing up the rear   The only circumstance which gave me any new
hope  was my aunt s stopping on the stairs to inquire about a smell
of fire that was prevalent there  and janet s replying that she had
been making tinder down in the kitchen  of my old shirt   But there
were no other clothes in my room than the odd heap of things I
wore  and when I was left there  with a little taper which my aunt
forewarned me would burn exactly five minutes  I heard them lock my
door on the outside   Turning these things over in my mind I deemed
it possible that my aunt  who could know nothing of me  might
suspect I had a habit of running away  and took precautions  on
that account  to have me in safe keeping 

The room was a pleasant one  at the top of the house  overlooking
the sea  on which the moon was shining brilliantly   After I had
said my prayers  and the candle had burnt out  I remember how I
still sat looking at the moonlight on the water  as if I could hope
to read my fortune in it  as in a bright book  or to see my mother
with her child  coming from Heaven  along that shining path  to
look upon me as she had looked when I last saw her sweet face   I
remember how the solemn feeling with which at length I turned my
eyes away  yielded to the sensation of gratitude and rest which the
sight of the white curtained bed   and how much more the lying
softly down upon it  nestling in the snow white sheets    inspired 
I remember how I thought of all the solitary places under the night
sky where I had slept  and how I prayed that I never might be
houseless any more  and never might forget the houseless   I
remember how I seemed to float  then  down the melancholy glory of
that track upon the sea  away into the world of dreams 



CHAPTER   
MY AUNT MAKES UP HER MIND ABOUT ME


On going down in the morning  I found my aunt musing so profoundly
over the breakfast table  with her elbow on the tray  that the
contents of the urn had overflowed the teapot and were laying the
whole table cloth under water  when my entrance put her meditations
to flight   I felt sure that I had been the subject of her
reflections  and was more than ever anxious to know her intentions
towards me   Yet I dared not express my anxiety  lest it should
give her offence 

My eyes  however  not being so much under control as my tongue 
were attracted towards my aunt very often during breakfast   I
never could look at her for a few moments together but I found her
looking at me   in an odd thoughtful manner  as if I were an
immense way off  instead of being on the other side of the small
round table   When she had finished her breakfast  my aunt very
deliberately leaned back in her chair  knitted her brows  folded
her arms  and contemplated me at her leisure  with such a fixedness
of attention that I was quite overpowered by embarrassment   Not
having as yet finished my own breakfast  I attempted to hide my
confusion by proceeding with it  but my knife tumbled over my fork 
my fork tripped up my knife  I chipped bits of bacon a surprising
height into the air instead of cutting them for my own eating  and
choked myself with my tea  which persisted in going the wrong way
instead of the right one  until I gave in altogether  and sat
blushing under my aunt s close scrutiny 

 Hallo   said my aunt  after a long time 

I looked up  and met her sharp bright glance respectfully 

 I have written to him   said my aunt 

 To    

 To your father in law   said my aunt    I have sent him a letter
that I ll trouble him to attend to  or he and I will fall out  I
can tell him  

 Does he know where I am  aunt   I inquired  alarmed 

 I have told him   said my aunt  with a nod 

 Shall I   be   given up to him   I faltered 

 I don t know   said my aunt    We shall see  

 Oh  I can t think what I shall do   I exclaimed   if I have to go
back to Mr  Murdstone  

 I don t know anything about it   said my aunt  shaking her head 
 I can t say  I am sure   We shall see  

My spirits sank under these words  and I became very downcast and
heavy of heart   My aunt  without appearing to take much heed of
me  put on a coarse apron with a bib  which she took out of the
press  washed up the teacups with her own hands  and  when
everything was washed and set in the tray again  and the cloth
folded and put on the top of the whole  rang for Janet to remove
it   She next swept up the crumbs with a little broom  putting on
a pair of gloves first   until there did not appear to be one
microscopic speck left on the carpet  next dusted and arranged the
room  which was dusted and arranged to a hair s breadth already 
When all these tasks were performed to her satisfaction  she took
off the gloves and apron  folded them up  put them in the
particular corner of the press from which they had been taken 
brought out her work box to her own table in the open window  and
sat down  with the green fan between her and the light  to work 

 I wish you d go upstairs   said my aunt  as she threaded her
needle   and give my compliments to Mr  Dick  and I ll be glad to
know how he gets on with his Memorial  

I rose with all alacrity  to acquit myself of this commission 

 I suppose   said my aunt  eyeing me as narrowly as she had eyed
the needle in threading it   you think Mr  Dick a short name  eh  

 I thought it was rather a short name  yesterday   I confessed 

 You are not to suppose that he hasn t got a longer name  if he
chose to use it   said my aunt  with a loftier air    Babley   Mr 
Richard Babley   that s the gentleman s true name  

I was going to suggest  with a modest sense of my youth and the
familiarity I had been already guilty of  that I had better give
him the full benefit of that name  when my aunt went on to say 

 But don t you call him by it  whatever you do   He can t bear his
name   That s a peculiarity of his   Though I don t know that it s
much of a peculiarity  either  for he has been ill used enough  by
some that bear it  to have a mortal antipathy for it  Heaven knows 
Mr  Dick is his name here  and everywhere else  now   if he ever
went anywhere else  which he don t   So take care  child  you don t
call him anything BUT Mr  Dick  

I promised to obey  and went upstairs with my message  thinking  as
I went  that if Mr  Dick had been working at his Memorial long  at
the same rate as I had seen him working at it  through the open
door  when I came down  he was probably getting on very well
indeed   I found him still driving at it with a long pen  and his
head almost laid upon the paper   He was so intent upon it  that I
had ample leisure to observe the large paper kite in a corner  the
confusion of bundles of manuscript  the number of pens  and  above
all  the quantity of ink  which he seemed to have in  in
half gallon jars by the dozen   before he observed my being
present 

 Ha  Phoebus   said Mr  Dick  laying down his pen    How does the
world go   I ll tell you what   he added  in a lower tone   I
shouldn t wish it to be mentioned  but it s a    here he beckoned
to me  and put his lips close to my ear    it s a mad world   Mad
as Bedlam  boy   said Mr  Dick  taking snuff from a round box on
the table  and laughing heartily 

Without presuming to give my opinion on this question  I delivered
my message 

 Well   said Mr  Dick  in answer   my compliments to her  and I  
I believe I have made a start   I think I have made a start   said
Mr  Dick  passing his hand among his grey hair  and casting
anything but a confident look at his manuscript    You have been to
school  

 Yes  sir   I answered   for a short time  

 Do you recollect the date   said Mr  Dick  looking earnestly at
me  and taking up his pen to note it down   when King Charles the
First had his head cut off  
I said I believed it happened in the year sixteen hundred and
forty nine 

 Well   returned Mr  Dick  scratching his ear with his pen  and
looking dubiously at me    So the books say  but I don t see how
that can be   Because  if it was so long ago  how could the people
about him have made that mistake of putting some of the trouble out
of his head  after it was taken off  into mine  

I was very much surprised by the inquiry  but could give no
information on this point 

 It s very strange   said Mr  Dick  with a despondent look upon his
papers  and with his hand among his hair again   that I never can
get that quite right   I never can make that perfectly clear   But
no matter  no matter   he said cheerfully  and rousing himself 
 there s time enough   My compliments to Miss Trotwood  I am
getting on very well indeed  

I was going away  when he directed my attention to the kite 

 What do you think of that for a kite   he said 

I answered that it was a beautiful one   I should think it must
have been as much as seven feet high 

 I made it   We ll go and fly it  you and I   said Mr  Dick    Do
you see this  

He showed me that it was covered with manuscript  very closely and
laboriously written  but so plainly  that as I looked along the
lines  I thought I saw some allusion to King Charles the First s
head again  in one or two places 

 There s plenty of string   said Mr  Dick   and when it flies high 
it takes the facts a long way   That s my manner of diffusing  em 
I don t know where they may come down   It s according to
circumstances  and the wind  and so forth  but I take my chance of
that  

His face was so very mild and pleasant  and had something so
reverend in it  though it was hale and hearty  that I was not sure
but that he was having a good humoured jest with me   So I laughed 
and he laughed  and we parted the best friends possible 

 Well  child   said my aunt  when I went downstairs    And what of
Mr  Dick  this morning  

I informed her that he sent his compliments  and was getting on
very well indeed 

 What do you think of him   said my aunt 

I had some shadowy idea of endeavouring to evade the question  by
replying that I thought him a very nice gentleman  but my aunt was
not to be so put off  for she laid her work down in her lap  and
said  folding her hands upon it 

 Come   Your sister Betsey Trotwood would have told me what she
thought of anyone  directly   Be as like your sister as you can 
and speak out  

 Is he   is Mr  Dick   I ask because I don t know  aunt   is he at
all out of his mind  then   I stammered  for I felt I was on
dangerous ground 

 Not a morsel   said my aunt 

 Oh  indeed   I observed faintly 

 If there is anything in the world   said my aunt  with great
decision and force of manner   that Mr  Dick is not  it s that  

I had nothing better to offer  than another timid   Oh  indeed  

 He has been CALLED mad   said my aunt    I have a selfish pleasure
in saying he has been called mad  or I should not have had the
benefit of his society and advice for these last ten years and
upwards   in fact  ever since your sister  Betsey Trotwood 
disappointed me  

 So long as that   I said 

 And nice people they were  who had the audacity to call him mad  
pursued my aunt    Mr  Dick is a sort of distant connexion of mine
  it doesn t matter how  I needn t enter into that   If it hadn t
been for me  his own brother would have shut him up for life 
That s all  

I am afraid it was hypocritical in me  but seeing that my aunt felt
strongly on the subject  I tried to look as if I felt strongly too 

 A proud fool   said my aunt    Because his brother was a little
eccentric   though he is not half so eccentric as a good many
people   he didn t like to have him visible about his house  and
sent him away to some private asylum place  though he had been left
to his particular care by their deceased father  who thought him
almost a natural   And a wise man he must have been to think so 
Mad himself  no doubt  

Again  as my aunt looked quite convinced  I endeavoured to look
quite convinced also 

 So I stepped in   said my aunt   and made him an offer   I said 
 Your brother s sane   a great deal more sane than you are  or ever
will be  it is to be hoped   Let him have his little income  and
come and live with me   I am not afraid of him  I am not proud  I
am ready to take care of him  and shall not ill treat him as some
people  besides the asylum folks  have done    After a good deal of
squabbling   said my aunt   I got him  and he has been here ever
since   He is the most friendly and amenable creature in existence 
and as for advice    But nobody knows what that man s mind is 
except myself  

My aunt smoothed her dress and shook her head  as if she smoothed
defiance of the whole world out of the one  and shook it out of the
other 

 He had a favourite sister   said my aunt   a good creature  and
very kind to him   But she did what they all do   took a husband 
And HE did what they all do   made her wretched   It had such an
effect upon the mind of Mr  Dick  that s not madness  I hope  
that  combined with his fear of his brother  and his sense of his
unkindness  it threw him into a fever   That was before he came to
me  but the recollection of it is oppressive to him even now   Did
he say anything to you about King Charles the First  child  

 Yes  aunt  

 Ah   said my aunt  rubbing her nose as if she were a little vexed 
 That s his allegorical way of expressing it   He connects his
illness with great disturbance and agitation  naturally  and that s
the figure  or the simile  or whatever it s called  which he
chooses to use   And why shouldn t he  if he thinks proper  

I said   Certainly  aunt  

 It s not a business like way of speaking   said my aunt   nor a
worldly way   I am aware of that  and that s the reason why I
insist upon it  that there shan t be a word about it in his
Memorial  

 Is it a Memorial about his own history that he is writing  aunt  

 Yes  child   said my aunt  rubbing her nose again    He is
memorializing the Lord Chancellor  or the Lord Somebody or other  
one of those people  at all events  who are paid to be memorialized
  about his affairs   I suppose it will go in  one of these days 
He hasn t been able to draw it up yet  without introducing that
mode of expressing himself  but it don t signify  it keeps him
employed  

In fact  I found out afterwards that Mr  Dick had been for upwards
of ten years endeavouring to keep King Charles the First out of the
Memorial  but he had been constantly getting into it  and was there
now 

 I say again   said my aunt   nobody knows what that man s mind is
except myself  and he s the most amenable and friendly creature in
existence   If he likes to fly a kite sometimes  what of that 
Franklin used to fly a kite   He was a Quaker  or something of that
sort  if I am not mistaken   And a Quaker flying a kite is a much
more ridiculous object than anybody else  

If I could have supposed that my aunt had recounted these
particulars for my especial behoof  and as a piece of confidence in
me  I should have felt very much distinguished  and should have
augured favourably from such a mark of her good opinion   But I
could hardly help observing that she had launched into them 
chiefly because the question was raised in her own mind  and with
very little reference to me  though she had addressed herself to me
in the absence of anybody else 

At the same time  I must say that the generosity of her
championship of poor harmless Mr  Dick  not only inspired my young
breast with some selfish hope for myself  but warmed it unselfishly
towards her   I believe that I began to know that there was
something about my aunt  notwithstanding her many eccentricities
and odd humours  to be honoured and trusted in   Though she was
just as sharp that day as on the day before  and was in and out
about the donkeys just as often  and was thrown into a tremendous
state of indignation  when a young man  going by  ogled Janet at a
window  which was one of the gravest misdemeanours that could be
committed against my aunt s dignity   she seemed to me to command
more of my respect  if not less of my fear 

The anxiety I underwent  in the interval which necessarily elapsed
before a reply could be received to her letter to Mr  Murdstone 
was extreme  but I made an endeavour to suppress it  and to be as
agreeable as I could in a quiet way  both to my aunt and Mr  Dick 
The latter and I would have gone out to fly the great kite  but
that I had still no other clothes than the anything but ornamental
garments with which I had been decorated on the first day  and
which confined me to the house  except for an hour after dark  when
my aunt  for my health s sake  paraded me up and down on the cliff
outside  before going to bed   At length the reply from Mr 
Murdstone came  and my aunt informed me  to my infinite terror 
that he was coming to speak to her herself on the next day   On the
next day  still bundled up in my curious habiliments  I sat
counting the time  flushed and heated by the conflict of sinking
hopes and rising fears within me  and waiting to be startled by the
sight of the gloomy face  whose non arrival startled me every
minute 

MY aunt was a little more imperious and stern than usual  but I
observed no other token of her preparing herself to receive the
visitor so much dreaded by me   She sat at work in the window  and
I sat by  with my thoughts running astray on all possible and
impossible results of Mr  Murdstone s visit  until pretty late in
the afternoon   Our dinner had been indefinitely postponed  but it
was growing so late  that my aunt had ordered it to be got ready 
when she gave a sudden alarm of donkeys  and to my consternation
and amazement  I beheld Miss Murdstone  on a side saddle  ride
deliberately over the sacred piece of green  and stop in front of
the house  looking about her 

 Go along with you   cried my aunt  shaking her head and her fist
at the window    You have no business there   How dare you
trespass   Go along   Oh  you bold faced thing  

MY aunt was so exasperated by the coolness with which Miss
Murdstone looked about her  that I really believe she was
motionless  and unable for the moment to dart out according to
custom   I seized the opportunity to inform her who it was  and
that the gentleman now coming near the offender  for the way up was
very steep  and he had dropped behind   was Mr  Murdstone himself 

 I don t care who it is   cried my aunt  still shaking her head and
gesticulating anything but welcome from the bow window    I won t
be trespassed upon   I won t allow it   Go away   Janet  turn him
round   Lead him off   and I saw  from behind my aunt  a sort of
hurried battle piece  in which the donkey stood resisting
everybody  with all his four legs planted different ways  while
Janet tried to pull him round by the bridle  Mr  Murdstone tried to
lead him on  Miss Murdstone struck at Janet with a parasol  and
several boys  who had come to see the engagement  shouted
vigorously   But my aunt  suddenly descrying among them the young
malefactor who was the donkey s guardian  and who was one of the
most inveterate offenders against her  though hardly in his teens 
rushed out to the scene of action  pounced upon him  captured him 
dragged him  with his jacket over his head  and his heels grinding
the ground  into the garden  and  calling upon Janet to fetch the
constables and justices  that he might be taken  tried  and
executed on the spot  held him at bay there   This part of the
business  however  did not last long  for the young rascal  being
expert at a variety of feints and dodges  of which my aunt had no
conception  soon went whooping away  leaving some deep impressions
of his nailed boots in the flower beds  and taking his donkey in
triumph with him 

Miss Murdstone  during the latter portion of the contest  had
dismounted  and was now waiting with her brother at the bottom of
the steps  until my aunt should be at leisure to receive them   My
aunt  a little ruffled by the combat  marched past them into the
house  with great dignity  and took no notice of their presence 
until they were announced by Janet 

 Shall I go away  aunt   I asked  trembling 

 No  sir   said my aunt    Certainly not    With which she pushed
me into a corner near her  and fenced Me in with a chair  as if it
were a prison or a bar of justice   This position I continued to
occupy during the whole interview  and from it I now saw Mr  and
Miss Murdstone enter the room 

 Oh   said my aunt   I was not aware at first to whom I had the
pleasure of objecting   But I don t allow anybody to ride over that
turf   I make no exceptions   I don t allow anybody to do it  

 Your regulation is rather awkward to strangers   said Miss
Murdstone 

 Is it   said my aunt 

Mr  Murdstone seemed afraid of a renewal of hostilities  and
interposing began 

 Miss Trotwood  

 I beg your pardon   observed my aunt with a keen look    You are
the Mr  Murdstone who married the widow of my late nephew  David
Copperfield  of Blunderstone Rookery    Though why Rookery  I don t
know  

 I am   said Mr  Murdstone 

 You ll excuse my saying  sir   returned my aunt   that I think it
would have been a much better and happier thing if you had left
that poor child alone  

 I so far agree with what Miss Trotwood has remarked   observed
Miss Murdstone  bridling   that I consider our lamented Clara to
have been  in all essential respects  a mere child  

 It is a comfort to you and me  ma am   said my aunt   who are
getting on in life  and are not likely to be made unhappy by our
personal attractions  that nobody can say the same of us  

 No doubt   returned Miss Murdstone  though  I thought  not with a
very ready or gracious assent    And it certainly might have been 
as you say  a better and happier thing for my brother if he had
never entered into such a marriage   I have always been of that
opinion  

 I have no doubt you have   said my aunt    Janet   ringing the
bell   my compliments to Mr  Dick  and beg him to come down  

Until he came  my aunt sat perfectly upright and stiff  frowning at
the wall   When he came  my aunt performed the ceremony of
introduction 

 Mr  Dick   An old and intimate friend   On whose judgement   said
my aunt  with emphasis  as an admonition to Mr  Dick  who was
biting his forefinger and looking rather foolish   I rely  

Mr  Dick took his finger out of his mouth  on this hint  and stood
among the group  with a grave and attentive expression of face 

My aunt inclined her head to Mr  Murdstone  who went on 

 Miss Trotwood  on the receipt of your letter  I considered it an
act of greater justice to myself  and perhaps of more respect to
you  

 Thank you   said my aunt  still eyeing him keenly    You needn t
mind me  

 To answer it in person  however inconvenient the journey   pursued
Mr  Murdstone   rather than by letter   This unhappy boy who has
run away from his friends and his occupation   

 And whose appearance   interposed his sister  directing general
attention to me in my indefinable costume   is perfectly scandalous
and disgraceful  

 Jane Murdstone   said her brother   have the goodness not to
interrupt me   This unhappy boy  Miss Trotwood  has been the
occasion of much domestic trouble and uneasiness  both during the
lifetime of my late dear wife  and since   He has a sullen 
rebellious spirit  a violent temper  and an untoward  intractable
disposition   Both my sister and myself have endeavoured to correct
his vices  but ineffectually   And I have felt   we both have felt 
I may say  my sister being fully in my confidence   that it is
right you should receive this grave and dispassionate assurance
from our lips  

 It can hardly be necessary for me to confirm anything stated by my
brother   said Miss Murdstone   but I beg to observe  that  of all
the boys in the world  I believe this is the worst boy  

 Strong   said my aunt  shortly 

 But not at all too strong for the facts   returned Miss Murdstone 

 Ha   said my aunt    Well  sir  

 I have my own opinions   resumed Mr  Murdstone  whose face
darkened more and more  the more he and my aunt observed each
other  which they did very narrowly   as to the best mode of
bringing him up  they are founded  in part  on my knowledge of him 
and in part on my knowledge of my own means and resources   I am
responsible for them to myself  I act upon them  and I say no more
about them   It is enough that I place this boy under the eye of a
friend of my own  in a respectable business  that it does not
please him  that he runs away from it  makes himself a common
vagabond about the country  and comes here  in rags  to appeal to
you  Miss Trotwood   I wish to set before you  honourably  the
exact consequences   so far as they are within my knowledge   of
your abetting him in this appeal  

 But about the respectable business first   said my aunt    If he
had been your own boy  you would have put him to it  just the same 
I suppose  

 If he had been my brother s own boy   returned Miss Murdstone 
striking in   his character  I trust  would have been altogether
different  

 Or if the poor child  his mother  had been alive  he would still
have gone into the respectable business  would he   said my aunt 

 I believe   said Mr  Murdstone  with an inclination of his head 
 that Clara would have disputed nothing which myself and my sister
Jane Murdstone were agreed was for the best  

Miss Murdstone confirmed this with an audible murmur 

 Humph   said my aunt    Unfortunate baby  

Mr  Dick  who had been rattling his money all this time  was
rattling it so loudly now  that my aunt felt it necessary to check
him with a look  before saying 

 The poor child s annuity died with her  

 Died with her   replied Mr  Murdstone 

 And there was no settlement of the little property   the house and
garden   the what s its name Rookery without any rooks in it   upon
her boy  

 It had been left to her  unconditionally  by her first husband  
Mr  Murdstone began  when my aunt caught him up with the greatest
irascibility and impatience 

 Good Lord  man  there s no occasion to say that   Left to her
unconditionally   I think I see David Copperfield looking forward
to any condition of any sort or kind  though it stared him
point blank in the face   Of course it was left to her
unconditionally   But when she married again   when she took that
most disastrous step of marrying you  in short   said my aunt   to
be plain   did no one put in a word for the boy at that time  

 My late wife loved her second husband  ma am   said Mr  Murdstone 
 and trusted implicitly in him  

 Your late wife  sir  was a most unworldly  most unhappy  most
unfortunate baby   returned my aunt  shaking her head at him 
 That s what she was   And now  what have you got to say next  

 Merely this  Miss Trotwood   he returned    I am here to take
David back   to take him back unconditionally  to dispose of him as
I think proper  and to deal with him as I think right   I am not
here to make any promise  or give any pledge to anybody   You may
possibly have some idea  Miss Trotwood  of abetting him in his
running away  and in his complaints to you   Your manner  which I
must say does not seem intended to propitiate  induces me to think
it possible   Now I must caution you that if you abet him once  you
abet him for good and all  if you step in between him and me  now 
you must step in  Miss Trotwood  for ever   I cannot trifle  or be
trifled with   I am here  for the first and last time  to take him
away   Is he ready to go   If he is not   and you tell me he is
not  on any pretence  it is indifferent to me what   my doors are
shut against him henceforth  and yours  I take it for granted  are
open to him  

To this address  my aunt had listened with the closest attention 
sitting perfectly upright  with her hands folded on one knee  and
looking grimly on the speaker   When he had finished  she turned
her eyes so as to command Miss Murdstone  without otherwise
disturbing her attitude  and said 

 Well  ma am  have YOU got anything to remark  

 Indeed  Miss Trotwood   said Miss Murdstone   all that I could say
has been so well said by my brother  and all that I know to be the
fact has been so plainly stated by him  that I have nothing to add
except my thanks for your politeness   For your very great
politeness  I am sure   said Miss Murdstone  with an irony which no
more affected my aunt  than it discomposed the cannon I had slept
by at Chatham 

 And what does the boy say   said my aunt    Are you ready to go 
David  

I answered no  and entreated her not to let me go   I said that
neither Mr  nor Miss Murdstone had ever liked me  or had ever been
kind to me   That they had made my mama  who always loved me
dearly  unhappy about me  and that I knew it well  and that
Peggotty knew it   I said that I had been more miserable than I
thought anybody could believe  who only knew how young I was   And
I begged and prayed my aunt   I forget in what terms now  but I
remember that they affected me very much then   to befriend and
protect me  for my father s sake 

 Mr  Dick   said my aunt   what shall I do with this child  

Mr  Dick considered  hesitated  brightened  and rejoined   Have him
measured for a suit of clothes directly  

 Mr  Dick   said my aunt triumphantly   give me your hand  for your
common sense is invaluable    Having shaken it with great
cordiality  she pulled me towards her and said to Mr  Murdstone 

 You can go when you like  I ll take my chance with the boy   If
he s all you say he is  at least I can do as much for him then  as
you have done   But I don t believe a word of it  

 Miss Trotwood   rejoined Mr  Murdstone  shrugging his shoulders 
as he rose   if you were a gentleman   

 Bah   Stuff and nonsense   said my aunt    Don t talk to me  

 How exquisitely polite   exclaimed Miss Murdstone  rising 
 Overpowering  really  

 Do you think I don t know   said my aunt  turning a deaf ear to
the sister  and continuing to address the brother  and to shake her
head at him with infinite expression   what kind of life you must
have led that poor  unhappy  misdirected baby   Do you think I
don t know what a woeful day it was for the soft little creature
when you first came in her way   smirking and making great eyes at
her  I ll be bound  as if you couldn t say boh  to a goose  

 I never heard anything so elegant   said Miss Murdstone 

 Do you think I can t understand you as well as if I had seen you  
pursued my aunt   now that I DO see and hear you   which  I tell
you candidly  is anything but a pleasure to me   Oh yes  bless us 
who so smooth and silky as Mr  Murdstone at first   The poor 
benighted innocent had never seen such a man   He was made of
sweetness   He worshipped her   He doted on her boy   tenderly
doted on him   He was to be another father to him  and they were
all to live together in a garden of roses  weren t they   Ugh   Get
along with you  do   said my aunt 

 I never heard anything like this person in my life   exclaimed
Miss Murdstone 

 And when you had made sure of the poor little fool   said my aunt
   God forgive me that I should call her so  and she gone where YOU
won t go in a hurry   because you had not done wrong enough to her
and hers  you must begin to train her  must you  begin to break
her  like a poor caged bird  and wear her deluded life away  in
teaching her to sing YOUR notes  

 This is either insanity or intoxication   said Miss Murdstone  in
a perfect agony at not being able to turn the current of my aunt s
address towards herself   and my suspicion is that it s
intoxication  

Miss Betsey  without taking the least notice of the interruption 
continued to address herself to Mr  Murdstone as if there had been
no such thing 

 Mr  Murdstone   she said  shaking her finger at him   you were a
tyrant to the simple baby  and you broke her heart   She was a
loving baby   I know that  I knew it  years before you ever saw her
  and through the best part of her weakness you gave her the wounds
she died of   There is the truth for your comfort  however you like
it   And you and your instruments may make the most of it  

 Allow me to inquire  Miss Trotwood   interposed Miss Murdstone 
 whom you are pleased to call  in a choice of words in which I am
not experienced  my brother s instruments  

 It was clear enough  as I have told you  years before YOU ever saw
her   and why  in the mysterious dispensations of Providence  you
ever did see her  is more than humanity can comprehend   it was
clear enough that the poor soft little thing would marry somebody 
at some time or other  but I did hope it wouldn t have been as bad
as it has turned out   That was the time  Mr  Murdstone  when she
gave birth to her boy here   said my aunt   to the poor child you
sometimes tormented her through afterwards  which is a disagreeable
remembrance and makes the sight of him odious now   Aye  aye  you
needn t wince   said my aunt    I know it s true without that  

He had stood by the door  all this while  observant of her with a
smile upon his face  though his black eyebrows were heavily
contracted   I remarked now  that  though the smile was on his face
still  his colour had gone in a moment  and he seemed to breathe as
if he had been running 

 Good day  sir   said my aunt   and good bye   Good day to you 
too  ma am   said my aunt  turning suddenly upon his sister    Let
me see you ride a donkey over my green again  and as sure as you
have a head upon your shoulders  I ll knock your bonnet off  and
tread upon it  

It would require a painter  and no common painter too  to depict my
aunt s face as she delivered herself of this very unexpected
sentiment  and Miss Murdstone s face as she heard it   But the
manner of the speech  no less than the matter  was so fiery  that
Miss Murdstone  without a word in answer  discreetly put her arm
through her brother s  and walked haughtily out of the cottage  my
aunt remaining in the window looking after them  prepared  I have
no doubt  in case of the donkey s reappearance  to carry her threat
into instant execution 

No attempt at defiance being made  however  her face gradually
relaxed  and became so pleasant  that I was emboldened to kiss and
thank her  which I did with great heartiness  and with both my arms
clasped round her neck   I then shook hands with Mr  Dick  who
shook hands with me a great many times  and hailed this happy close
of the proceedings with repeated bursts of laughter 

 You ll consider yourself guardian  jointly with me  of this child 
Mr  Dick   said my aunt 

 I shall be delighted   said Mr  Dick   to be the guardian of
David s son  

 Very good   returned my aunt   that s settled   I have been
thinking  do you know  Mr  Dick  that I might call him Trotwood  

 Certainly  certainly   Call him Trotwood  certainly   said Mr 
Dick    David s son s Trotwood  

 Trotwood Copperfield  you mean   returned my aunt 

 Yes  to be sure   Yes   Trotwood Copperfield   said Mr  Dick  a
little abashed 

My aunt took so kindly to the notion  that some ready made clothes 
which were purchased for me that afternoon  were marked  Trotwood
Copperfield   in her own handwriting  and in indelible marking ink 
before I put them on  and it was settled that all the other clothes
which were ordered to be made for me  a complete outfit was bespoke
that afternoon  should be marked in the same way 

Thus I began my new life  in a new name  and with everything new
about me   Now that the state of doubt was over  I felt  for many
days  like one in a dream   I never thought that I had a curious
couple of guardians  in my aunt and Mr  Dick   I never thought of
anything about myself  distinctly   The two things clearest in my
mind were  that a remoteness had come upon the old Blunderstone
life   which seemed to lie in the haze of an immeasurable distance 
and that a curtain had for ever fallen on my life at Murdstone and
Grinby s   No one has ever raised that curtain since   I have
lifted it for a moment  even in this narrative  with a reluctant
hand  and dropped it gladly   The remembrance of that life is
fraught with so much pain to me  with so much mental suffering and
want of hope  that I have never had the courage even to examine how
long I was doomed to lead it   Whether it lasted for a year  or
more  or less  I do not know   I only know that it was  and ceased
to be  and that I have written  and there I leave it 



CHAPTER   
I MAKE ANOTHER BEGINNING


Mr  Dick and I soon became the best of friends  and very often 
when his day s work was done  went out together to fly the great
kite   Every day of his life he had a long sitting at the Memorial 
which never made the least progress  however hard he laboured  for
King Charles the First always strayed into it  sooner or later  and
then it was thrown aside  and another one begun   The patience and
hope with which he bore these perpetual disappointments  the mild
perception he had that there was something wrong about King Charles
the First  the feeble efforts he made to keep him out  and the
certainty with which he came in  and tumbled the Memorial out of
all shape  made a deep impression on me   What Mr  Dick supposed
would come of the Memorial  if it were completed  where he thought
it was to go  or what he thought it was to do  he knew no more than
anybody else  I believe   Nor was it at all necessary that he
should trouble himself with such questions  for if anything were
certain under the sun  it was certain that the Memorial never would
be finished   It was quite an affecting sight  I used to think  to
see him with the kite when it was up a great height in the air 
What he had told me  in his room  about his belief in its
disseminating the statements pasted on it  which were nothing but
old leaves of abortive Memorials  might have been a fancy with him
sometimes  but not when he was out  looking up at the kite in the
sky  and feeling it pull and tug at his hand   He never looked so
serene as he did then   I used to fancy  as I sat by him of an
evening  on a green slope  and saw him watch the kite high in the
quiet air  that it lifted his mind out of its confusion  and bore
it  such was my boyish thought  into the skies   As he wound the
string in and it came lower and lower down out of the beautiful
light  until it fluttered to the ground  and lay there like a dead
thing  he seemed to wake gradually out of a dream  and I remember
to have seen him take it up  and look about him in a lost way  as
if they had both come down together  so that I pitied him with all
my heart 

While I advanced in friendship and intimacy with Mr  Dick  I did
not go backward in the favour of his staunch friend  my aunt   She
took so kindly to me  that  in the course of a few weeks  she
shortened my adopted name of Trotwood into Trot  and even
encouraged me to hope  that if I went on as I had begun  I might
take equal rank in her affections with my sister Betsey Trotwood 

 Trot   said my aunt one evening  when the backgammon board was
placed as usual for herself and Mr  Dick   we must not forget your
education  

This was my only subject of anxiety  and I felt quite delighted by
her referring to it 

 Should you like to go to school at Canterbury   said my aunt 

I replied that I should like it very much  as it was so near her 

 Good   said my aunt    Should you like to go tomorrow  

Being already no stranger to the general rapidity of my aunt s
evolutions  I was not surprised by the suddenness of the proposal 
and said   Yes  

 Good   said my aunt again    Janet  hire the grey pony and chaise
tomorrow morning at ten o clock  and pack up Master Trotwood s
clothes tonight  

I was greatly elated by these orders  but my heart smote me for my
selfishness  when I witnessed their effect on Mr  Dick  who was so
low spirited at the prospect of our separation  and played so ill
in consequence  that my aunt  after giving him several admonitory
raps on the knuckles with her dice box  shut up the board  and
declined to play with him any more   But  on hearing from my aunt
that I should sometimes come over on a Saturday  and that he could
sometimes come and see me on a Wednesday  he revived  and vowed to
make another kite for those occasions  of proportions greatly
surpassing the present one   In the morning he was downhearted
again  and would have sustained himself by giving me all the money
he had in his possession  gold and silver too  if my aunt had not
interposed  and limited the gift to five shillings  which  at his
earnest petition  were afterwards increased to ten   We parted at
the garden gate in a most affectionate manner  and Mr  Dick did not
go into the house until my aunt had driven me out of sight of it 

My aunt  who was perfectly indifferent to public opinion  drove the
grey pony through Dover in a masterly manner  sitting high and
stiff like a state coachman  keeping a steady eye upon him wherever
he went  and making a point of not letting him have his own way in
any respect   When we came into the country road  she permitted him
to relax a little  however  and looking at me down in a valley of
cushion by her side  asked me whether I was happy 

 Very happy indeed  thank you  aunt   I said 

She was much gratified  and both her hands being occupied  patted
me on the head with her whip 

 Is it a large school  aunt   I asked 

 Why  I don t know   said my aunt    We are going to Mr 
Wickfield s first  

 Does he keep a school   I asked 

 No  Trot   said my aunt    He keeps an office  

I asked for no more information about Mr  Wickfield  as she offered
none  and we conversed on other subjects until we came to
Canterbury  where  as it was market day  my aunt had a great
opportunity of insinuating the grey pony among carts  baskets 
vegetables  and huckster s goods   The hair breadth turns and
twists we made  drew down upon us a variety of speeches from the
people standing about  which were not always complimentary  but my
aunt drove on with perfect indifference  and I dare say would have
taken her own way with as much coolness through an enemy s country 

At length we stopped before a very old house bulging out over the
road  a house with long low lattice windows bulging out still
farther  and beams with carved heads on the ends bulging out too 
so that I fancied the whole house was leaning forward  trying to
see who was passing on the narrow pavement below   It was quite
spotless in its cleanliness   The old fashioned brass knocker on
the low arched door  ornamented with carved garlands of fruit and
flowers  twinkled like a star  the two stone steps descending to
the door were as white as if they had been covered with fair linen 
and all the angles and corners  and carvings and mouldings  and
quaint little panes of glass  and quainter little windows  though
as old as the hills  were as pure as any snow that ever fell upon
the hills 

When the pony chaise stopped at the door  and my eyes were intent
upon the house  I saw a cadaverous face appear at a small window on
the ground floor  in a little round tower that formed one side of
the house   and quickly disappear   The low arched door then
opened  and the face came out   It was quite as cadaverous as it
had looked in the window  though in the grain of it there was that
tinge of red which is sometimes to be observed in the skins of
red haired people   It belonged to a red haired person   a youth of
fifteen  as I take it now  but looking much older   whose hair was
cropped as close as the closest stubble  who had hardly any
eyebrows  and no eyelashes  and eyes of a red brown  so unsheltered
and unshaded  that I remember wondering how he went to sleep   He
was high shouldered and bony  dressed in decent black  with a white
wisp of a neckcloth  buttoned up to the throat  and had a long 
lank  skeleton hand  which particularly attracted my attention  as
he stood at the pony s head  rubbing his chin with it  and looking
up at us in the chaise 

 Is Mr  Wickfield at home  Uriah Heep   said my aunt 

 Mr  Wickfield s at home  ma am   said Uriah Heep   if you ll
please to walk in there    pointing with his long hand to the room
he meant 

We got out  and leaving him to hold the pony  went into a long low
parlour looking towards the street  from the window of which I
caught a glimpse  as I went in  of Uriah Heep breathing into the
pony s nostrils  and immediately covering them with his hand  as if
he were putting some spell upon him   Opposite to the tall old
chimney piece were two portraits  one of a gentleman with grey hair
 though not by any means an old man  and black eyebrows  who was
looking over some papers tied together with red tape  the other  of
a lady  with a very placid and sweet expression of face  who was
looking at me 

I believe I was turning about in search of Uriah s picture  when 
a door at the farther end of the room opening  a gentleman entered 
at sight of whom I turned to the first mentioned portrait again  to
make quite sure that it had not come out of its frame   But it was
stationary  and as the gentleman advanced into the light  I saw
that he was some years older than when he had had his picture
painted 

 Miss Betsey Trotwood   said the gentleman   pray walk in   I was
engaged for a moment  but you ll excuse my being busy   You know my
motive   I have but one in life  

Miss Betsey thanked him  and we went into his room  which was
furnished as an office  with books  papers  tin boxes  and so
forth   It looked into a garden  and had an iron safe let into the
wall  so immediately over the mantelshelf  that I wondered  as I
sat down  how the sweeps got round it when they swept the chimney 

 Well  Miss Trotwood   said Mr  Wickfield  for I soon found that it
was he  and that he was a lawyer  and steward of the estates of a
rich gentleman of the county   what wind blows you here   Not an
ill wind  I hope  

 No   replied my aunt    I have not come for any law  

 That s right  ma am   said Mr  Wickfield    You had better come
for anything else  
His hair was quite white now  though his eyebrows were still black 
He had a very agreeable face  and  I thought  was handsome   There
was a certain richness in his complexion  which I had been long
accustomed  under Peggotty s tuition  to connect with port wine 
and I fancied it was in his voice too  and referred his growing
corpulency to the same cause   He was very cleanly dressed  in a
blue coat  striped waistcoat  and nankeen trousers  and his fine
frilled shirt and cambric neckcloth looked unusually soft and
white  reminding my strolling fancy  I call to mind  of the plumage
on the breast of a swan 

 This is my nephew   said my aunt 

 Wasn t aware you had one  Miss Trotwood   said Mr  Wickfield 

 My grand nephew  that is to say   observed my aunt 

 Wasn t aware you had a grand nephew  I give you my word   said Mr 
Wickfield 

 I have adopted him   said my aunt  with a wave of her hand 
importing that his knowledge and his ignorance were all one to her 
 and I have brought him here  to put to a school where he may be
thoroughly well taught  and well treated   Now tell me where that
school is  and what it is  and all about it  

 Before I can advise you properly   said Mr  Wickfield    the old
question  you know   What s your motive in this  

 Deuce take the man   exclaimed my aunt    Always fishing for
motives  when they re on the surface   Why  to make the child happy
and useful  

 It must be a mixed motive  I think   said Mr  Wickfield  shaking
his head and smiling incredulously 

 A mixed fiddlestick   returned my aunt    You claim to have one
plain motive in all you do yourself   You don t suppose  I hope 
that you are the only plain dealer in the world  

 Ay  but I have only one motive in life  Miss Trotwood   he
rejoined  smiling    Other people have dozens  scores  hundreds 
I have only one   There s the difference   However  that s beside
the question   The best school   Whatever the motive  you want the
best  

My aunt nodded assent 

 At the best we have   said Mr  Wickfield  considering   your
nephew couldn t board just now  

 But he could board somewhere else  I suppose   suggested my aunt 

Mr  Wickfield thought I could   After a little discussion  he
proposed to take my aunt to the school  that she might see it and
judge for herself  also  to take her  with the same object  to two
or three houses where he thought I could be boarded   My aunt
embracing the proposal  we were all three going out together  when
he stopped and said 

 Our little friend here might have some motive  perhaps  for
objecting to the arrangements   I think we had better leave him
behind  

My aunt seemed disposed to contest the point  but to facilitate
matters I said I would gladly remain behind  if they pleased  and
returned into Mr  Wickfield s office  where I sat down again  in
the chair I had first occupied  to await their return 

It so happened that this chair was opposite a narrow passage  which
ended in the little circular room where I had seen Uriah Heep s
pale face looking out of the window   Uriah  having taken the pony
to a neighbouring stable  was at work at a desk in this room  which
had a brass frame on the top to hang paper upon  and on which the
writing he was making a copy of was then hanging   Though his face
was towards me  I thought  for some time  the writing being between
us  that he could not see me  but looking that way more
attentively  it made me uncomfortable to observe that  every now
and then  his sleepless eyes would come below the writing  like two
red suns  and stealthily stare at me for I dare say a whole minute
at a time  during which his pen went  or pretended to go  as
cleverly as ever   I made several attempts to get out of their way
  such as standing on a chair to look at a map on the other side of
the room  and poring over the columns of a Kentish newspaper   but
they always attracted me back again  and whenever I looked towards
those two red suns  I was sure to find them  either just rising or
just setting 

At length  much to my relief  my aunt and Mr  Wickfield came back 
after a pretty long absence   They were not so successful as I
could have wished  for though the advantages of the school were
undeniable  my aunt had not approved of any of the boarding houses
proposed for me 

 It s very unfortunate   said my aunt    I don t know what to do 
Trot  

 It does happen unfortunately   said Mr  Wickfield    But I ll tell
you what you can do  Miss Trotwood  

 What s that   inquired my aunt 

 Leave your nephew here  for the present   He s a quiet fellow   He
won t disturb me at all   It s a capital house for study   As quiet
as a monastery  and almost as roomy   Leave him here  

My aunt evidently liked the offer  though she was delicate of
accepting it   So did I 
 Come  Miss Trotwood   said Mr  Wickfield    This is the way out of
the difficulty   It s only a temporary arrangement  you know   If
it don t act well  or don t quite accord with our mutual
convenience  he can easily go to the right about   There will be
time to find some better place for him in the meanwhile   You had
better determine to leave him here for the present  

 I am very much obliged to you   said my aunt   and so is he  I
see  but   

 Come  I know what you mean   cried Mr  Wickfield    You shall not
be oppressed by the receipt of favours  Miss Trotwood   You may pay
for him  if you like   We won t be hard about terms  but you shall
pay if you will  

 On that understanding   said my aunt   though it doesn t lessen
the real obligation  I shall be very glad to leave him  

 Then come and see my little housekeeper   said Mr  Wickfield 

We accordingly went up a wonderful old staircase  with a balustrade
so broad that we might have gone up that  almost as easily  and
into a shady old drawing room  lighted by some three or four of the
quaint windows I had looked up at from the street  which had old
oak seats in them  that seemed to have come of the same trees as
the shining oak floor  and the great beams in the ceiling   It was
a prettily furnished room  with a piano and some lively furniture
in red and green  and some flowers   It seemed to be all old nooks
and corners  and in every nook and corner there was some queer
little table  or cupboard  or bookcase  or seat  or something or
other  that made me think there was not such another good corner in
the room  until I looked at the next one  and found it equal to it 
if not better   On everything there was the same air of retirement
and cleanliness that marked the house outside 

Mr  Wickfield tapped at a door in a corner of the panelled wall 
and a girl of about my own age came quickly out and kissed him   On
her face  I saw immediately the placid and sweet expression of the
lady whose picture had looked at me downstairs   It seemed to my
imagination as if the portrait had grown womanly  and the original
remained a child   Although her face was quite bright and happy 
there was a tranquillity about it  and about her   a quiet  good 
calm spirit   that I never have forgotten  that I shall never
forget   This was his little housekeeper  his daughter Agnes  Mr 
Wickfield said   When I heard how he said it  and saw how he held
her hand  I guessed what the one motive of his life was 

She had a little basket trifle hanging at her side  with keys in
it  and she looked as staid and as discreet a housekeeper as the
old house could have   She listened to her father as he told her
about me  with a pleasant face  and when he had concluded  proposed
to my aunt that we should go upstairs and see my room   We all went
together  she before us  and a glorious old room it was  with more
oak beams  and diamond panes  and the broad balustrade going all
the way up to it 

I cannot call to mind where or when  in my childhood  I had seen a
stained glass window in a church   Nor do I recollect its subject 
But I know that when I saw her turn round  in the grave light of
the old staircase  and wait for us  above  I thought of that
window  and I associated something of its tranquil brightness with
Agnes Wickfield ever afterwards 

My aunt was as happy as I was  in the arrangement made for me  and
we went down to the drawing room again  well pleased and gratified 
As she would not hear of staying to dinner  lest she should by any
chance fail to arrive at home with the grey pony before dark  and
as I apprehend Mr  Wickfield knew her too well to argue any point
with her  some lunch was provided for her there  and Agnes went
back to her governess  and Mr  Wickfield to his office   So we were
left to take leave of one another without any restraint 

She told me that everything would be arranged for me by Mr 
Wickfield  and that I should want for nothing  and gave me the
kindest words and the best advice 

 Trot   said my aunt in conclusion   be a credit to yourself  to
me  and Mr  Dick  and Heaven be with you  

I was greatly overcome  and could only thank her  again and again 
and send my love to Mr  Dick 

 Never   said my aunt   be mean in anything  never be false  never
be cruel   Avoid those three vices  Trot  and I can always be
hopeful of you  

I promised  as well as I could  that I would not abuse her kindness
or forget her admonition 

 The pony s at the door   said my aunt   and I am off  Stay here  
With these words she embraced me hastily  and went out of the room 
shutting the door after her   At first I was startled by so abrupt
a departure  and almost feared I had displeased her  but when I
looked into the street  and saw how dejectedly she got into the
chaise  and drove away without looking up  I understood her better
and did not do her that injustice 

By five o clock  which was Mr  Wickfield s dinner hour  I had
mustered up my spirits again  and was ready for my knife and fork 
The cloth was only laid for us two  but Agnes was waiting in the
drawing room before dinner  went down with her father  and sat
opposite to him at table   I doubted whether he could have dined
without her 

We did not stay there  after dinner  but came upstairs into the
drawing room again  in one snug corner of which  Agnes set glasses
for her father  and a decanter of port wine   I thought he would
have missed its usual flavour  if it had been put there for him by
any other hands 

There he sat  taking his wine  and taking a good deal of it  for
two hours  while Agnes played on the piano  worked  and talked to
him and me   He was  for the most part  gay and cheerful with us 
but sometimes his eyes rested on her  and he fell into a brooding
state  and was silent   She always observed this quickly  I
thought  and always roused him with a question or caress   Then he
came out of his meditation  and drank more wine 

Agnes made the tea  and presided over it  and the time passed away
after it  as after dinner  until she went to bed  when her father
took her in his arms and kissed her  and  she being gone  ordered
candles in his office   Then I went to bed too 

But in the course of the evening I had rambled down to the door 
and a little way along the street  that I might have another peep
at the old houses  and the grey Cathedral  and might think of my
coming through that old city on my journey  and of my passing the
very house I lived in  without knowing it   As I came back  I saw
Uriah Heep shutting up the office  and feeling friendly towards
everybody  went in and spoke to him  and at parting  gave him my
hand   But oh  what a clammy hand his was  as ghostly to the touch
as to the sight   I rubbed mine afterwards  to warm it  AND TO RUB
HIS OFF 

It was such an uncomfortable hand  that  when I went to my room  it
was still cold and wet upon my memory   Leaning out of the window 
and seeing one of the faces on the beam ends looking at me
sideways  I fancied it was Uriah Heep got up there somehow  and
shut him out in a hurry 



CHAPTER   
I AM A NEW BOY IN MORE SENSES THAN ONE


Next morning  after breakfast  I entered on school life again   I
went  accompanied by Mr  Wickfield  to the scene of my future
studies   a grave building in a courtyard  with a learned air about
it that seemed very well suited to the stray rooks and jackdaws who
came down from the Cathedral towers to walk with a clerkly bearing
on the grass plot   and was introduced to my new master  Doctor
Strong 

Doctor Strong looked almost as rusty  to my thinking  as the tall
iron rails and gates outside the house  and almost as stiff and
heavy as the great stone urns that flanked them  and were set up 
on the top of the red brick wall  at regular distances all round
the court  like sublimated skittles  for Time to play at   He was
in his library  I mean Doctor Strong was   with his clothes not
particularly well brushed  and his hair not particularly well
combed  his knee smalls unbraced  his long black gaiters
unbuttoned  and his shoes yawning like two caverns on the
hearth rug   Turning upon me a lustreless eye  that reminded me of
a long forgotten blind old horse who once used to crop the grass 
and tumble over the graves  in Blunderstone churchyard  he said he
was glad to see me  and then he gave me his hand  which I didn t
know what to do with  as it did nothing for itself 

But  sitting at work  not far from Doctor Strong  was a very pretty
young lady   whom he called Annie  and who was his daughter  I
supposed   who got me out of my difficulty by kneeling down to put
Doctor Strong s shoes on  and button his gaiters  which she did
with great cheerfulness and quickness   When she had finished  and
we were going out to the schoolroom  I was much surprised to hear
Mr  Wickfield  in bidding her good morning  address her as  Mrs 
Strong   and I was wondering could she be Doctor Strong s son s
wife  or could she be Mrs  Doctor Strong  when Doctor Strong
himself unconsciously enlightened me 

 By the by  Wickfield   he said  stopping in a passage with his
hand on my shoulder   you have not found any suitable provision for
my wife s cousin yet  

 No   said Mr  Wickfield    No   Not yet  

 I could wish it done as soon as it can be done  Wickfield   said
Doctor Strong   for Jack Maldon is needy  and idle  and of those
two bad things  worse things sometimes come   What does Doctor
Watts say   he added  looking at me  and moving his head to the
time of his quotation    Satan finds some mischief still  for idle
hands to do   

 Egad  Doctor   returned Mr  Wickfield   if Doctor Watts knew
mankind  he might have written  with as much truth   Satan finds
some mischief still  for busy hands to do   The busy people achieve
their full share of mischief in the world  you may rely upon it 
What have the people been about  who have been the busiest in
getting money  and in getting power  this century or two   No
mischief  

 Jack Maldon will never be very busy in getting either  I expect  
said Doctor Strong  rubbing his chin thoughtfully 

 Perhaps not   said Mr  Wickfield   and you bring me back to the
question  with an apology for digressing   No  I have not been able
to dispose of Mr  Jack Maldon yet   I believe   he said this with
some hesitation   I penetrate your motive  and it makes the thing
more difficult  

 My motive   returned Doctor Strong   is to make some suitable
provision for a cousin  and an old playfellow  of Annie s  

 Yes  I know   said Mr  Wickfield   at home or abroad  

 Aye   replied the Doctor  apparently wondering why he emphasized
those words so much    At home or abroad  

 Your own expression  you know   said Mr  Wickfield    Or abroad  

 Surely   the Doctor answered    Surely   One or other  

 One or other   Have you no choice   asked Mr  Wickfield 

 No   returned the Doctor 

 No   with astonishment 

 Not the least  

 No motive   said Mr  Wickfield   for meaning abroad  and not at
home  

 No   returned the Doctor 

 I am bound to believe you  and of course I do believe you   said
Mr  Wickfield    It might have simplified my office very much  if
I had known it before   But I confess I entertained another
impression  

Doctor Strong regarded him with a puzzled and doubting look  which
almost immediately subsided into a smile that gave me great
encouragement  for it was full of amiability and sweetness  and
there was a simplicity in it  and indeed in his whole manner  when
the studious  pondering frost upon it was got through  very
attractive and hopeful to a young scholar like me   Repeating  no  
and  not the least   and other short assurances to the same
purport  Doctor Strong jogged on before us  at a queer  uneven
pace  and we followed  Mr  Wickfield  looking grave  I observed 
and shaking his head to himself  without knowing that I saw him 

The schoolroom was a pretty large hall  on the quietest side of the
house  confronted by the stately stare of some half dozen of the
great urns  and commanding a peep of an old secluded garden
belonging to the Doctor  where the peaches were ripening on the
sunny south wall   There were two great aloes  in tubs  on the turf
outside the windows  the broad hard leaves of which plant  looking
as if they were made of painted tin  have ever since  by
association  been symbolical to me of silence and retirement 
About five and twenty boys were studiously engaged at their books
when we went in  but they rose to give the Doctor good morning  and
remained standing when they saw Mr  Wickfield and me 

 A new boy  young gentlemen   said the Doctor   Trotwood
Copperfield  

One Adams  who was the head boy  then stepped out of his place and
welcomed me   He looked like a young clergyman  in his white
cravat  but he was very affable and good humoured  and he showed me
my place  and presented me to the masters  in a gentlemanly way
that would have put me at my ease  if anything could 

It seemed to me so long  however  since I had been among such boys 
or among any companions of my own age  except Mick Walker and Mealy
Potatoes  that I felt as strange as ever I have done in my life 
I was so conscious of having passed through scenes of which they
could have no knowledge  and of having acquired experiences foreign
to my age  appearance  and condition as one of them  that I half
believed it was an imposture to come there as an ordinary little
schoolboy   I had become  in the Murdstone and Grinby time  however
short or long it may have been  so unused to the sports and games
of boys  that I knew I was awkward and inexperienced in the
commonest things belonging to them   Whatever I had learnt  had so
slipped away from me in the sordid cares of my life from day to
night  that now  when I was examined about what I knew  I knew
nothing  and was put into the lowest form of the school   But 
troubled as I was  by my want of boyish skill  and of book learning
too  I was made infinitely more uncomfortable by the consideration 
that  in what I did know  I was much farther removed from my
companions than in what I did not   My mind ran upon what they
would think  if they knew of my familiar acquaintance with the
King s Bench Prison   Was there anything about me which would
reveal my proceedings in connexion with the Micawber family   all
those pawnings  and sellings  and suppers   in spite of myself 
Suppose some of the boys had seen me coming through Canterbury 
wayworn and ragged  and should find me out   What would they say 
who made so light of money  if they could know how I had scraped my
halfpence together  for the purchase of my daily saveloy and beer 
or my slices of pudding   How would it affect them  who were so
innocent of London life  and London streets  to discover how
knowing I was  and was ashamed to be  in some of the meanest phases
of both   All this ran in my head so much  on that first day at
Doctor Strong s  that I felt distrustful of my slightest look and
gesture  shrunk within myself whensoever I was approached by one of
my new schoolfellows  and hurried off the minute school was over 
afraid of committing myself in my response to any friendly notice
or advance 

But there was such an influence in Mr  Wickfield s old house  that
when I knocked at it  with my new school books under my arm  I
began to feel my uneasiness softening away   As I went up to my
airy old room  the grave shadow of the staircase seemed to fall
upon my doubts and fears  and to make the past more indistinct   I
sat there  sturdily conning my books  until dinner time  we were
out of school for good at three   and went down  hopeful of
becoming a passable sort of boy yet 

Agnes was in the drawing room  waiting for her father  who was
detained by someone in his office   She met me with her pleasant
smile  and asked me how I liked the school   I told her I should
like it very much  I hoped  but I was a little strange to it at
first 

 You have never been to school   I said   have you  
 Oh yes   Every day  

 Ah  but you mean here  at your own home  

 Papa couldn t spare me to go anywhere else   she answered  smiling
and shaking her head    His housekeeper must be in his house  you
know  

 He is very fond of you  I am sure   I said 

She nodded  Yes   and went to the door to listen for his coming up 
that she might meet him on the stairs   But  as he was not there 
she came back again 

 Mama has been dead ever since I was born   she said  in her quiet
way    I only know her picture  downstairs   I saw you looking at
it yesterday   Did you think whose it was  

I told her yes  because it was so like herself 

 Papa says so  too   said Agnes  pleased    Hark   That s papa
now  

Her bright calm face lighted up with pleasure as she went to meet
him  and as they came in  hand in hand   He greeted me cordially 
and told me I should certainly be happy under Doctor Strong  who
was one of the gentlest of men 

 There may be some  perhaps   I don t know that there are   who
abuse his kindness   said Mr  Wickfield    Never be one of those 
Trotwood  in anything   He is the least suspicious of mankind  and
whether that s a merit  or whether it s a blemish  it deserves
consideration in all dealings with the Doctor  great or small  

He spoke  I thought  as if he were weary  or dissatisfied with
something  but I did not pursue the question in my mind  for dinner
was just then announced  and we went down and took the same seats
as before 

We had scarcely done so  when Uriah Heep put in his red head and
his lank hand at the door  and said 

 Here s Mr  Maldon begs the favour of a word  sir  

 I am but this moment quit of Mr  Maldon   said his master 

 Yes  sir   returned Uriah   but Mr  Maldon has come back  and he
begs the favour of a word  

As he held the door open with his hand  Uriah looked at me  and
looked at Agnes  and looked at the dishes  and looked at the
plates  and looked at every object in the room  I thought    yet
seemed to look at nothing  he made such an appearance all the while
of keeping his red eyes dutifully on his master 
 I beg your pardon   It s only to say  on reflection   observed a
voice behind Uriah  as Uriah s head was pushed away  and the
speaker s substituted    pray excuse me for this intrusion   that
as it seems I have no choice in the matter  the sooner I go abroad
the better   My cousin Annie did say  when we talked of it  that
she liked to have her friends within reach rather than to have them
banished  and the old Doctor   

 Doctor Strong  was that   Mr  Wickfield interposed  gravely 

 Doctor Strong  of course   returned the other   I call him the old
Doctor  it s all the same  you know  

 I don t know   returned Mr  Wickfield 

 Well  Doctor Strong   said the other    Doctor Strong was of the
same mind  I believed   But as it appears from the course you take
with me he has changed his mind  why there s no more to be said 
except that the sooner I am off  the better   Therefore  I thought
I d come back and say  that the sooner I am off the better   When
a plunge is to be made into the water  it s of no use lingering on
the bank  

 There shall be as little lingering as possible  in your case  Mr 
Maldon  you may depend upon it   said Mr  Wickfield 

 Thank ee   said the other    Much obliged   I don t want to look
a gift horse in the mouth  which is not a gracious thing to do 
otherwise  I dare say  my cousin Annie could easily arrange it in
her own way   I suppose Annie would only have to say to the old
Doctor   

 Meaning that Mrs  Strong would only have to say to her husband  
do I follow you   said Mr  Wickfield 

 Quite so   returned the other     would only have to say  that she
wanted such and such a thing to be so and so  and it would be so
and so  as a matter of course  

 And why as a matter of course  Mr  Maldon   asked Mr  Wickfield 
sedately eating his dinner 

 Why  because Annie s a charming young girl  and the old Doctor  
Doctor Strong  I mean   is not quite a charming young boy   said
Mr  Jack Maldon  laughing    No offence to anybody  Mr  Wickfield 
I only mean that I suppose some compensation is fair and reasonable
in that sort of marriage  

 Compensation to the lady  sir   asked Mr  Wickfield gravely 

 To the lady  sir   Mr  Jack Maldon answered  laughing   But
appearing to remark that Mr  Wickfield went on with his dinner in
the same sedate  immovable manner  and that there was no hope of
making him relax a muscle of his face  he added 
 However  I have said what I came to say  and  with another apology
for this intrusion  I may take myself off   Of course I shall
observe your directions  in considering the matter as one to be
arranged between you and me solely  and not to be referred to  up
at the Doctor s  

 Have you dined   asked Mr  Wickfield  with a motion of his hand
towards the table 

 Thank ee   I am going to dine   said Mr  Maldon   with my cousin
Annie   Good bye  

Mr  Wickfield  without rising  looked after him thoughtfully as he
went out   He was rather a shallow sort of young gentleman  I
thought  with a handsome face  a rapid utterance  and a confident 
bold air   And this was the first I ever saw of Mr  Jack Maldon 
whom I had not expected to see so soon  when I heard the Doctor
speak of him that morning 

When we had dined  we went upstairs again  where everything went on
exactly as on the previous day   Agnes set the glasses and
decanters in the same corner  and Mr  Wickfield sat down to drink 
and drank a good deal   Agnes played the piano to him  sat by him 
and worked and talked  and played some games at dominoes with me 
In good time she made tea  and afterwards  when I brought down my
books  looked into them  and showed me what she knew of them  which
was no slight matter  though she said it was   and what was the
best way to learn and understand them   I see her  with her modest 
orderly  placid manner  and I hear her beautiful calm voice  as I
write these words   The influence for all good  which she came to
exercise over me at a later time  begins already to descend upon my
breast   I love little Em ly  and I don t love Agnes   no  not at
all in that way   but I feel that there are goodness  peace  and
truth  wherever Agnes is  and that the soft light of the coloured
window in the church  seen long ago  falls on her always  and on me
when I am near her  and on everything around 

The time having come for her withdrawal for the night  and she
having left us  I gave Mr  Wickfield my hand  preparatory to going
away myself   But he checked me and said   Should you like to stay
with us  Trotwood  or to go elsewhere  

 To stay   I answered  quickly 

 You are sure  

 If you please   If I may  

 Why  it s but a dull life that we lead here  boy  I am afraid   he
said 

 Not more dull for me than Agnes  sir   Not dull at all  

 Than Agnes   he repeated  walking slowly to the great
chimney piece  and leaning against it    Than Agnes  

He had drank wine that evening  or I fancied it   until his eyes
were bloodshot   Not that I could see them now  for they were cast
down  and shaded by his hand  but I had noticed them a little while
before 

 Now I wonder   he muttered   whether my Agnes tires of me   When
should I ever tire of her   But that s different  that s quite
different  

He was musing  not speaking to me  so I remained quiet 

 A dull old house   he said   and a monotonous life  but I must
have her near me   I must keep her near me   If the thought that I
may die and leave my darling  or that my darling may die and leave
me  comes like a spectre  to distress my happiest hours  and is
only to be drowned in   

He did not supply the word  but pacing slowly to the place where he
had sat  and mechanically going through the action of pouring wine
from the empty decanter  set it down and paced back again 

 If it is miserable to bear  when she is here   he said   what
would it be  and she away   No  no  no   I cannot try that  

He leaned against the chimney piece  brooding so long that I could
not decide whether to run the risk of disturbing him by going  or
to remain quietly where I was  until he should come out of his
reverie   At length he aroused himself  and looked about the room
until his eyes encountered mine 

 Stay with us  Trotwood  eh   he said in his usual manner  and as
if he were answering something I had just said    I am glad of it 
You are company to us both   It is wholesome to have you here 
Wholesome for me  wholesome for Agnes  wholesome perhaps for all of
us  

 I am sure it is for me  sir   I said    I am so glad to be here  

 That s a fine fellow   said Mr  Wickfield    As long as you are
glad to be here  you shall stay here    He shook hands with me upon
it  and clapped me on the back  and told me that when I had
anything to do at night after Agnes had left us  or when I wished
to read for my own pleasure  I was free to come down to his room 
if he were there and if I desired it for company s sake  and to sit
with him   I thanked him for his consideration  and  as he went
down soon afterwards  and I was not tired  went down too  with a
book in my hand  to avail myself  for half an hour  of his
permission 

But  seeing a light in the little round office  and immediately
feeling myself attracted towards Uriah Heep  who had a sort of
fascination for me  I went in there instead   I found Uriah reading
a great fat book  with such demonstrative attention  that his lank
forefinger followed up every line as he read  and made clammy
tracks along the page  or so I fully believed  like a snail 

 You are working late tonight  Uriah   says I 

 Yes  Master Copperfield   says Uriah 

As I was getting on the stool opposite  to talk to him more
conveniently  I observed that he had not such a thing as a smile
about him  and that he could only widen his mouth and make two hard
creases down his cheeks  one on each side  to stand for one 

 I am not doing office work  Master Copperfield   said Uriah 

 What work  then   I asked 

 I am improving my legal knowledge  Master Copperfield   said
Uriah    I am going through Tidd s Practice   Oh  what a writer Mr 
Tidd is  Master Copperfield  

My stool was such a tower of observation  that as I watched him
reading on again  after this rapturous exclamation  and following
up the lines with his forefinger  I observed that his nostrils 
which were thin and pointed  with sharp dints in them  had a
singular and most uncomfortable way of expanding and contracting
themselves   that they seemed to twinkle instead of his eyes  which
hardly ever twinkled at all 

 I suppose you are quite a great lawyer   I said  after looking at
him for some time 

 Me  Master Copperfield   said Uriah    Oh  no   I m a very umble
person  

It was no fancy of mine about his hands  I observed  for he
frequently ground the palms against each other as if to squeeze
them dry and warm  besides often wiping them  in a stealthy way  on
his pocket handkerchief 

 I am well aware that I am the umblest person going   said Uriah
Heep  modestly   let the other be where he may   My mother is
likewise a very umble person   We live in a numble abode  Master
Copperfield  but have much to be thankful for   My father s former
calling was umble   He was a sexton  

 What is he now   I asked 

 He is a partaker of glory at present  Master Copperfield   said
Uriah Heep    But we have much to be thankful for   How much have
I to be thankful for in living with Mr  Wickfield  

I asked Uriah if he had been with Mr  Wickfield long 

 I have been with him  going on four year  Master Copperfield  
said Uriah  shutting up his book  after carefully marking the place
where he had left off    Since a year after my father s death   How
much have I to be thankful for  in that   How much have I to be
thankful for  in Mr  Wickfield s kind intention to give me my
articles  which would otherwise not lay within the umble means of
mother and self  

 Then  when your articled time is over  you ll be a regular lawyer 
I suppose   said I 

 With the blessing of Providence  Master Copperfield   returned
Uriah 

 Perhaps you ll be a partner in Mr  Wickfield s business  one of
these days   I said  to make myself agreeable   and it will be
Wickfield and Heep  or Heep late Wickfield  

 Oh no  Master Copperfield   returned Uriah  shaking his head   I
am much too umble for that  

He certainly did look uncommonly like the carved face on the beam
outside my window  as he sat  in his humility  eyeing me sideways 
with his mouth widened  and the creases in his cheeks 

 Mr   Wickfield is a most excellent man  Master Copperfield   said
Uriah    If you have known him long  you know it  I am sure  much
better than I can inform you  

I replied that I was certain he was  but that I had not known him
long myself  though he was a friend of my aunt s 

 Oh  indeed  Master Copperfield   said Uriah    Your aunt is a
sweet lady  Master Copperfield  

He had a way of writhing when he wanted to express enthusiasm 
which was very ugly  and which diverted my attention from the
compliment he had paid my relation  to the snaky twistings of his
throat and body 

 A sweet lady  Master Copperfield   said Uriah Heep    She has a
great admiration for Miss Agnes  Master Copperfield  I believe  

I said   Yes   boldly  not that I knew anything about it  Heaven
forgive me 

 I hope you have  too  Master Copperfield   said Uriah    But I am
sure you must have  

 Everybody must have   I returned 

 Oh  thank you  Master Copperfield   said Uriah Heep   for that
remark   It is so true   Umble as I am  I know it is so true   Oh 
thank you  Master Copperfield  
He writhed himself quite off his stool in the excitement of his
feelings  and  being off  began to make arrangements for going
home 

 Mother will be expecting me   he said  referring to a pale 
inexpressive faced watch in his pocket   and getting uneasy  for
though we are very umble  Master Copperfield  we are much attached
to one another   If you would come and see us  any afternoon  and
take a cup of tea at our lowly dwelling  mother would be as proud
of your company as I should be  

I said I should be glad to come 

 Thank you  Master Copperfield   returned Uriah  putting his book
away upon the shelf    I suppose you stop here  some time  Master
Copperfield  

I said I was going to be brought up there  I believed  as long as
I remained at school 

 Oh  indeed   exclaimed Uriah    I should think YOU would come into
the business at last  Master Copperfield  

I protested that I had no views of that sort  and that no such
scheme was entertained in my behalf by anybody  but Uriah insisted
on blandly replying to all my assurances   Oh  yes  Master
Copperfield  I should think you would  indeed   and   Oh  indeed 
Master Copperfield  I should think you would  certainly   over and
over again   Being  at last  ready to leave the office for the
night  he asked me if it would suit my convenience to have the
light put out  and on my answering  Yes   instantly extinguished
it   After shaking hands with me   his hand felt like a fish  in
the dark   he opened the door into the street a very little  and
crept out  and shut it  leaving me to grope my way back into the
house  which cost me some trouble and a fall over his stool   This
was the proximate cause  I suppose  of my dreaming about him  for
what appeared to me to be half the night  and dreaming  among other
things  that he had launched Mr  Peggotty s house on a piratical
expedition  with a black flag at the masthead  bearing the
inscription  Tidd s Practice   under which diabolical ensign he was
carrying me and little Em ly to the Spanish Main  to be drowned 

I got a little the better of my uneasiness when I went to school
next day  and a good deal the better next day  and so shook it off
by degrees  that in less than a fortnight I was quite at home  and
happy  among my new companions   I was awkward enough in their
games  and backward enough in their studies  but custom would
improve me in the first respect  I hoped  and hard work in the
second   Accordingly  I went to work very hard  both in play and in
earnest  and gained great commendation   And  in a very little
while  the Murdstone and Grinby life became so strange to me that
I hardly believed in it  while my present life grew so familiar 
that I seemed to have been leading it a long time 

Doctor Strong s was an excellent school  as different from Mr 
Creakle s as good is from evil   It was very gravely and decorously
ordered  and on a sound system  with an appeal  in everything  to
the honour and good faith of the boys  and an avowed intention to
rely on their possession of those qualities unless they proved
themselves unworthy of it  which worked wonders   We all felt that
we had a part in the management of the place  and in sustaining its
character and dignity   Hence  we soon became warmly attached to it
  I am sure I did for one  and I never knew  in all my time  of any
other boy being otherwise   and learnt with a good will  desiring
to do it credit   We had noble games out of hours  and plenty of
liberty  but even then  as I remember  we were well spoken of in
the town  and rarely did any disgrace  by our appearance or manner 
to the reputation of Doctor Strong and Doctor Strong s boys 

Some of the higher scholars boarded in the Doctor s house  and
through them I learned  at second hand  some particulars of the
Doctor s history   as  how he had not yet been married twelve
months to the beautiful young lady I had seen in the study  whom he
had married for love  for she had not a sixpence  and had a world
of poor relations  so our fellows said  ready to swarm the Doctor
out of house and home   Also  how the Doctor s cogitating manner
was attributable to his being always engaged in looking out for
Greek roots  which  in my innocence and ignorance  I supposed to be
a botanical furor on the Doctor s part  especially as he always
looked at the ground when he walked about  until I understood that
they were roots of words  with a view to a new Dictionary which he
had in contemplation   Adams  our head boy  who had a turn for
mathematics  had made a calculation  I was informed  of the time
this Dictionary would take in completing  on the Doctor s plan  and
at the Doctor s rate of going   He considered that it might be done
in one thousand six hundred and forty nine years  counting from the
Doctor s last  or sixty second  birthday 

But the Doctor himself was the idol of the whole school  and it
must have been a badly composed school if he had been anything
else  for he was the kindest of men  with a simple faith in him
that might have touched the stone hearts of the very urns upon the
wall   As he walked up and down that part of the courtyard which
was at the side of the house  with the stray rooks and jackdaws
looking after him with their heads cocked slyly  as if they knew
how much more knowing they were in worldly affairs than he  if any
sort of vagabond could only get near enough to his creaking shoes
to attract his attention to one sentence of a tale of distress 
that vagabond was made for the next two days   It was so notorious
in the house  that the masters and head boys took pains to cut
these marauders off at angles  and to get out of windows  and turn
them out of the courtyard  before they could make the Doctor aware
of their presence  which was sometimes happily effected within a
few yards of him  without his knowing anything of the matter  as he
jogged to and fro   Outside his own domain  and unprotected  he was
a very sheep for the shearers   He would have taken his gaiters off
his legs  to give away   In fact  there was a story current among
us  I have no idea  and never had  on what authority  but I have
believed it for so many years that I feel quite certain it is
true   that on a frosty day  one winter time  he actually did
bestow his gaiters on a beggar woman  who occasioned some scandal
in the neighbourhood by exhibiting a fine infant from door to door 
wrapped in those garments  which were universally recognized  being
as well known in the vicinity as the Cathedral   The legend added
that the only person who did not identify them was the Doctor
himself  who  when they were shortly afterwards displayed at the
door of a little second hand shop of no very good repute  where
such things were taken in exchange for gin  was more than once
observed to handle them approvingly  as if admiring some curious
novelty in the pattern  and considering them an improvement on his
own 

It was very pleasant to see the Doctor with his pretty young wife 
He had a fatherly  benignant way of showing his fondness for her 
which seemed in itself to express a good man   I often saw them
walking in the garden where the peaches were  and I sometimes had
a nearer observation of them in the study or the parlour   She
appeared to me to take great care of the Doctor  and to like him
very much  though I never thought her vitally interested in the
Dictionary  some cumbrous fragments of which work the Doctor always
carried in his pockets  and in the lining of his hat  and generally
seemed to be expounding to her as they walked about 

I saw a good deal of Mrs  Strong  both because she had taken a
liking for me on the morning of my introduction to the Doctor  and
was always afterwards kind to me  and interested in me  and because
she was very fond of Agnes  and was often backwards and forwards at
our house   There was a curious constraint between her and Mr 
Wickfield  I thought  of whom she seemed to be afraid   that never
wore off   When she came there of an evening  she always shrunk
from accepting his escort home  and ran away with me instead   And
sometimes  as we were running gaily across the Cathedral yard
together  expecting to meet nobody  we would meet Mr  Jack Maldon 
who was always surprised to see us 

Mrs  Strong s mama was a lady I took great delight in   Her name
was Mrs  Markleham  but our boys used to call her the Old Soldier 
on account of her generalship  and the skill with which she
marshalled great forces of relations against the Doctor   She was
a little  sharp eyed woman  who used to wear  when she was dressed 
one unchangeable cap  ornamented with some artificial flowers  and
two artificial butterflies supposed to be hovering above the
flowers   There was a superstition among us that this cap had come
from France  and could only originate in the workmanship of that
ingenious nation  but all I certainly know about it  is  that it
always made its appearance of an evening  wheresoever Mrs 
Markleham made HER appearance  that it was carried about to
friendly meetings in a Hindoo basket  that the butterflies had the
gift of trembling constantly  and that they improved the shining
hours at Doctor Strong s expense  like busy bees 

I observed the Old Soldier   not to adopt the name disrespectfully
  to pretty good advantage  on a night which is made memorable to
me by something else I shall relate   It was the night of a little
party at the Doctor s  which was given on the occasion of Mr  Jack
Maldon s departure for India  whither he was going as a cadet  or
something of that kind  Mr  Wickfield having at length arranged the
business   It happened to be the Doctor s birthday  too   We had
had a holiday  had made presents to him in the morning  had made a
speech to him through the head boy  and had cheered him until we
were hoarse  and until he had shed tears   And now  in the evening 
Mr  Wickfield  Agnes  and I  went to have tea with him in his
private capacity 

Mr  Jack Maldon was there  before us   Mrs  Strong  dressed in
white  with cherry coloured ribbons  was playing the piano  when we
went in  and he was leaning over her to turn the leaves   The clear
red and white of her complexion was not so blooming and flower like
as usual  I thought  when she turned round  but she looked very
pretty  Wonderfully pretty 

 I have forgotten  Doctor   said Mrs  Strong s mama  when we were
seated   to pay you the compliments of the day   though they are 
as you may suppose  very far from being mere compliments in my
case   Allow me to wish you many happy returns  

 I thank you  ma am   replied the Doctor 

 Many  many  many  happy returns   said the Old Soldier    Not only
for your own sake  but for Annie s  and John Maldon s  and many
other people s   It seems but yesterday to me  John  when you were
a little creature  a head shorter than Master Copperfield  making
baby love to Annie behind the gooseberry bushes in the
back garden  

 My dear mama   said Mrs  Strong   never mind that now  

 Annie  don t be absurd   returned her mother    If you are to
blush to hear of such things now you are an old married woman  when
are you not to blush to hear of them  

 Old   exclaimed Mr  Jack Maldon    Annie   Come  

 Yes  John   returned the Soldier    Virtually  an old married
woman   Although not old by years   for when did you ever hear me
say  or who has ever heard me say  that a girl of twenty was old by
years    your cousin is the wife of the Doctor  and  as such  what
I have described her   It is well for you  John  that your cousin
is the wife of the Doctor   You have found in him an influential
and kind friend  who will be kinder yet  I venture to predict  if
you deserve it   I have no false pride   I never hesitate to admit 
frankly  that there are some members of our family who want a
friend   You were one yourself  before your cousin s influence
raised up one for you  

The Doctor  in the goodness of his heart  waved his hand as if to
make light of it  and save Mr  Jack Maldon from any further
reminder   But Mrs  Markleham changed her chair for one next the
Doctor s  and putting her fan on his coat sleeve  said 

 No  really  my dear Doctor  you must excuse me if I appear to
dwell on this rather  because I feel so very strongly   I call it
quite my monomania  it is such a subject of mine   You are a
blessing to us   You really are a Boon  you know  

 Nonsense  nonsense   said the Doctor 

 No  no  I beg your pardon   retorted the Old Soldier    With
nobody present  but our dear and confidential friend Mr  Wickfield 
I cannot consent to be put down   I shall begin to assert the
privileges of a mother in law  if you go on like that  and scold
you   I am perfectly honest and outspoken   What I am saying  is
what I said when you first overpowered me with surprise   you
remember how surprised I was    by proposing for Annie   Not that
there was anything so very much out of the way  in the mere fact of
the proposal   it would be ridiculous to say that    but because 
you having known her poor father  and having known her from a baby
six months old  I hadn t thought of you in such a light at all  or
indeed as a marrying man in any way    simply that  you know  

 Aye  aye   returned the Doctor  good humouredly    Never mind  

 But I DO mind   said the Old Soldier  laying her fan upon his
lips    I mind very much   I recall these things that I may be
contradicted if I am wrong   Well   Then I spoke to Annie  and I
told her what had happened   I said   My dear  here s Doctor Strong
has positively been and made you the subject of a handsome
declaration and an offer   Did I press it in the least   No   I
said   Now  Annie  tell me the truth this moment  is your heart
free     Mama   she said crying   I am extremely young    which was
perfectly true    and I hardly know if I have a heart at all  
 Then  my dear   I said   you may rely upon it  it s free   At all
events  my love   said I   Doctor Strong is in an agitated state of
mind  and must be answered   He cannot be kept in his present state
of suspense     Mama   said Annie  still crying   would he be
unhappy without me   If he would  I honour and respect him so much 
that I think I will have him   So it was settled   And then  and
not till then  I said to Annie   Annie  Doctor Strong will not only
be your husband  but he will represent your late father  he will
represent the head of our family  he will represent the wisdom and
station  and I may say the means  of our family  and will be  in
short  a Boon to it   I used the word at the time  and I have used
it again  today   If I have any merit it is consistency  

The daughter had sat quite silent and still during this speech 
with her eyes fixed on the ground  her cousin standing near her 
and looking on the ground too   She now said very softly  in a
trembling voice 

 Mama  I hope you have finished  
 No  my dear Annie   returned the Old Soldier   I have not quite
finished   Since you ask me  my love  I reply that I have not   I
complain that you really are a little unnatural towards your own
family  and  as it is of no use complaining to you   I mean to
complain to your husband   Now  my dear Doctor  do look at that
silly wife of yours  

As the Doctor turned his kind face  with its smile of simplicity
and gentleness  towards her  she drooped her head more   I noticed
that Mr  Wickfield looked at her steadily 

 When I happened to say to that naughty thing  the other day  
pursued her mother  shaking her head and her fan at her  playfully 
 that there was a family circumstance she might mention to you  
indeed  I think  was bound to mention   she said  that to mention
it was to ask a favour  and that  as you were too generous  and as
for her to ask was always to have  she wouldn t  

 Annie  my dear   said the Doctor    That was wrong   It robbed me
of a pleasure  

 Almost the very words I said to her   exclaimed her mother    Now
really  another time  when I know what she would tell you but for
this reason  and won t  I have a great mind  my dear Doctor  to
tell you myself  

 I shall be glad if you will   returned the Doctor 

 Shall I  

 Certainly  

 Well  then  I will   said the Old Soldier    That s a bargain  
And having  I suppose  carried her point  she tapped the Doctor s
hand several times with her fan  which she kissed first   and
returned triumphantly to her former station 

Some more company coming in  among whom were the two masters and
Adams  the talk became general  and it naturally turned on Mr  Jack
Maldon  and his voyage  and the country he was going to  and his
various plans and prospects   He was to leave that night  after
supper  in a post chaise  for Gravesend  where the ship  in which
he was to make the voyage  lay  and was to be gone   unless he came
home on leave  or for his health   I don t know how many years   I
recollect it was settled by general consent that India was quite a
misrepresented country  and had nothing objectionable in it  but a
tiger or two  and a little heat in the warm part of the day   For
my own part  I looked on Mr  Jack Maldon as a modern Sindbad  and
pictured him the bosom friend of all the Rajahs in the East 
sitting under canopies  smoking curly golden pipes   a mile long 
if they could be straightened out 

Mrs  Strong was a very pretty singer  as I knew  who often heard
her singing by herself   But  whether she was afraid of singing
before people  or was out of voice that evening  it was certain
that she couldn t sing at all   She tried a duet  once  with her
cousin Maldon  but could not so much as begin  and afterwards  when
she tried to sing by herself  although she began sweetly  her voice
died away on a sudden  and left her quite distressed  with her head
hanging down over the keys   The good Doctor said she was nervous 
and  to relieve her  proposed a round game at cards  of which he
knew as much as of the art of playing the trombone   But I remarked
that the Old Soldier took him into custody directly  for her
partner  and instructed him  as the first preliminary of
initiation  to give her all the silver he had in his pocket 

We had a merry game  not made the less merry by the Doctor s
mistakes  of which he committed an innumerable quantity  in spite
of the watchfulness of the butterflies  and to their great
aggravation   Mrs  Strong had declined to play  on the ground of
not feeling very well  and her cousin Maldon had excused himself
because he had some packing to do   When he had done it  however 
he returned  and they sat together  talking  on the sofa   From
time to time she came and looked over the Doctor s hand  and told
him what to play   She was very pale  as she bent over him  and I
thought her finger trembled as she pointed out the cards  but the
Doctor was quite happy in her attention  and took no notice of
this  if it were so 

At supper  we were hardly so gay   Everyone appeared to feel that
a parting of that sort was an awkward thing  and that the nearer it
approached  the more awkward it was   Mr  Jack Maldon tried to be
very talkative  but was not at his ease  and made matters worse 
And they were not improved  as it appeared to me  by the Old
Soldier  who continually recalled passages of Mr  Jack Maldon s
youth 

The Doctor  however  who felt  I am sure  that he was making
everybody happy  was well pleased  and had no suspicion but that we
were all at the utmost height of enjoyment 

 Annie  my dear   said he  looking at his watch  and filling his
glass   it is past your cousin jack s time  and we must not detain
him  since time and tide   both concerned in this case   wait for
no man   Mr  Jack Maldon  you have a long voyage  and a strange
country  before you  but many men have had both  and many men will
have both  to the end of time   The winds you are going to tempt 
have wafted thousands upon thousands to fortune  and brought
thousands upon thousands happily back  

 It s an affecting thing   said Mrs  Markleham    however it s
viewed  it s affecting  to see a fine young man one has known from
an infant  going away to the other end of the world  leaving all he
knows behind  and not knowing what s before him   A young man
really well deserves constant support and patronage   looking at
the Doctor   who makes such sacrifices  

 Time will go fast with you  Mr  Jack Maldon   pursued the Doctor 
 and fast with all of us   Some of us can hardly expect  perhaps 
in the natural course of things  to greet you on your return   The
next best thing is to hope to do it  and that s my case   I shall
not weary you with good advice   You have long had a good model
before you  in your cousin Annie   Imitate her virtues as nearly as
you can  

Mrs  Markleham fanned herself  and shook her head 

 Farewell  Mr  Jack   said the Doctor  standing up  on which we all
stood up    A prosperous voyage out  a thriving career abroad  and
a happy return home  

We all drank the toast  and all shook hands with Mr  Jack Maldon 
after which he hastily took leave of the ladies who were there  and
hurried to the door  where he was received  as he got into the
chaise  with a tremendous broadside of cheers discharged by our
boys  who had assembled on the lawn for the purpose   Running in
among them to swell the ranks  I was very near the chaise when it
rolled away  and I had a lively impression made upon me  in the
midst of the noise and dust  of having seen Mr  Jack Maldon rattle
past with an agitated face  and something cherry coloured in his
hand 

After another broadside for the Doctor  and another for the
Doctor s wife  the boys dispersed  and I went back into the house 
where I found the guests all standing in a group about the Doctor 
discussing how Mr  Jack Maldon had gone away  and how he had borne
it  and how he had felt it  and all the rest of it   In the midst
of these remarks  Mrs  Markleham cried   Where s Annie  

No Annie was there  and when they called to her  no Annie replied 
But all pressing out of the room  in a crowd  to see what was the
matter  we found her lying on the hall floor   There was great
alarm at first  until it was found that she was in a swoon  and
that the swoon was yielding to the usual means of recovery  when
the Doctor  who had lifted her head upon his knee  put her curls
aside with his hand  and said  looking around 

 Poor Annie   She s so faithful and tender hearted   It s the
parting from her old playfellow and friend   her favourite cousin
  that has done this   Ah   It s a pity   I am very sorry  

When she opened her eyes  and saw where she was  and that we were
all standing about her  she arose with assistance  turning her
head  as she did so  to lay it on the Doctor s shoulder   or to
hide it  I don t know which   We went into the drawing room  to
leave her with the Doctor and her mother  but she said  it seemed 
that she was better than she had been since morning  and that she
would rather be brought among us  so they brought her in  looking
very white and weak  I thought  and sat her on a sofa 

 Annie  my dear   said her mother  doing something to her dress 
 See here   You have lost a bow   Will anybody be so good as find
a ribbon  a cherry coloured ribbon  

It was the one she had worn at her bosom   We all looked for it  I
myself looked everywhere  I am certain   but nobody could find it 

 Do you recollect where you had it last  Annie   said her mother 

I wondered how I could have thought she looked white  or anything
but burning red  when she answered that she had had it safe  a
little while ago  she thought  but it was not worth looking for 

Nevertheless  it was looked for again  and still not found   She
entreated that there might be no more searching  but it was still
sought for  in a desultory way  until she was quite well  and the
company took their departure 

We walked very slowly home  Mr  Wickfield  Agnes  and I   Agnes and
I admiring the moonlight  and Mr  Wickfield scarcely raising his
eyes from the ground   When we  at last  reached our own door 
Agnes discovered that she had left her little reticule behind 
Delighted to be of any service to her  I ran back to fetch it 

I went into the supper room where it had been left  which was
deserted and dark   But a door of communication between that and
the Doctor s study  where there was a light  being open  I passed
on there  to say what I wanted  and to get a candle 

The Doctor was sitting in his easy chair by the fireside  and his
young wife was on a stool at his feet   The Doctor  with a
complacent smile  was reading aloud some manuscript explanation or
statement of a theory out of that interminable Dictionary  and she
was looking up at him   But with such a face as I never saw   It
was so beautiful in its form  it was so ashy pale  it was so fixed
in its abstraction  it was so full of a wild  sleep walking  dreamy
horror of I don t know what   The eyes were wide open  and her
brown hair fell in two rich clusters on her shoulders  and on her
white dress  disordered by the want of the lost ribbon   Distinctly
as I recollect her look  I cannot say of what it was expressive  I
cannot even say of what it is expressive to me now  rising again
before my older judgement   Penitence  humiliation  shame  pride 
love  and trustfulness   I see them all  and in them all  I see
that horror of I don t know what 

My entrance  and my saying what I wanted  roused her   It disturbed
the Doctor too  for when I went back to replace the candle I had
taken from the table  he was patting her head  in his fatherly way 
and saying he was a merciless drone to let her tempt him into
reading on  and he would have her go to bed 

But she asked him  in a rapid  urgent manner  to let her stay   to
let her feel assured  I heard her murmur some broken words to this
effect  that she was in his confidence that night   And  as she
turned again towards him  after glancing at me as I left the room
and went out at the door  I saw her cross her hands upon his knee 
and look up at him with the same face  something quieted  as he
resumed his reading 

It made a great impression on me  and I remembered it a long time
afterwards  as I shall have occasion to narrate when the time
comes 



CHAPTER   
SOMEBODY TURNS UP


It has not occurred to me to mention Peggotty since I ran away 
but  of course  I wrote her a letter almost as soon as I was housed
at Dover  and another  and a longer letter  containing all
particulars fully related  when my aunt took me formally under her
protection   On my being settled at Doctor Strong s I wrote to her
again  detailing my happy condition and prospects   I never could
have derived anything like the pleasure from spending the money Mr 
Dick had given me  that I felt in sending a gold half guinea to
Peggotty  per post  enclosed in this last letter  to discharge the
sum I had borrowed of her  in which epistle  not before  I
mentioned about the young man with the donkey cart 

To these communications Peggotty replied as promptly  if not as
concisely  as a merchant s clerk   Her utmost powers of expression
 which were certainly not great in ink  were exhausted in the
attempt to write what she felt on the subject of my journey   Four
sides of incoherent and interjectional beginnings of sentences 
that had no end  except blots  were inadequate to afford her any
relief   But the blots were more expressive to me than the best
composition  for they showed me that Peggotty had been crying all
over the paper  and what could I have desired more 

I made out  without much difficulty  that she could not take quite
kindly to my aunt yet   The notice was too short after so long a
prepossession the other way   We never knew a person  she wrote 
but to think that Miss Betsey should seem to be so different from
what she had been thought to be  was a Moral    that was her word 
She was evidently still afraid of Miss Betsey  for she sent her
grateful duty to her but timidly  and she was evidently afraid of
me  too  and entertained the probability of my running away again
soon  if I might judge from the repeated hints she threw out  that
the coach fare to Yarmouth was always to be had of her for the
asking 

She gave me one piece of intelligence which affected me very much 
namely  that there had been a sale of the furniture at our old
home  and that Mr  and Miss Murdstone were gone away  and the house
was shut up  to be let or sold   God knows I had no part in it
while they remained there  but it pained me to think of the dear
old place as altogether abandoned  of the weeds growing tall in the
garden  and the fallen leaves lying thick and wet upon the paths 
I imagined how the winds of winter would howl round it  how the
cold rain would beat upon the window glass  how the moon would make
ghosts on the walls of the empty rooms  watching their solitude all
night   I thought afresh of the grave in the churchyard  underneath
the tree  and it seemed as if the house were dead too  now  and all
connected with my father and mother were faded away 

There was no other news in Peggotty s letters   Mr  Barkis was an
excellent husband  she said  though still a little near  but we all
had our faults  and she had plenty  though I am sure I don t know
what they were   and he sent his duty  and my little bedroom was
always ready for me   Mr  Peggotty was well  and Ham was well  and
Mrs    Gummidge was but poorly  and little Em ly wouldn t send her
love  but said that Peggotty might send it  if she liked 

All this intelligence I dutifully imparted to my aunt  only
reserving to myself the mention of little Em ly  to whom I
instinctively felt that she would not very tenderly incline   While
I was yet new at Doctor Strong s  she made several excursions over
to Canterbury to see me  and always at unseasonable hours  with the
view  I suppose  of taking me by surprise   But  finding me well
employed  and bearing a good character  and hearing on all hands
that I rose fast in the school  she soon discontinued these visits 
I saw her on a Saturday  every third or fourth week  when I went
over to Dover for a treat  and I saw Mr  Dick every alternate
Wednesday  when he arrived by stage coach at noon  to stay until
next morning 

On these occasions Mr  Dick never travelled without a leathern
writing desk  containing a supply of stationery and the Memorial 
in relation to which document he had a notion that time was
beginning to press now  and that it really must be got out of hand 

Mr  Dick was very partial to gingerbread   To render his visits the
more agreeable  my aunt had instructed me to open a credit for him
at a cake shop  which was hampered with the stipulation that he
should not be served with more than one shilling s worth in the
course of any one day   This  and the reference of all his little
bills at the county inn where he slept  to my aunt  before they
were paid  induced me to suspect that he was only allowed to rattle
his money  and not to spend it   I found on further investigation
that this was so  or at least there was an agreement between him
and my aunt that he should account to her for all his
disbursements   As he had no idea of deceiving her  and always
desired to please her  he was thus made chary of launching into
expense   On this point  as well as on all other possible points 
Mr  Dick was convinced that my aunt was the wisest and most
wonderful of women  as he repeatedly told me with infinite secrecy 
and always in a whisper 

 Trotwood   said Mr  Dick  with an air of mystery  after imparting
this confidence to me  one Wednesday   who s the man that hides
near our house and frightens her  

 Frightens my aunt  sir  

Mr  Dick nodded    I thought nothing would have frightened her   he
said   for she s    here he whispered softly   don t mention it  
the wisest and most wonderful of women    Having said which  he
drew back  to observe the effect which this description of her made
upon me 

 The first time he came   said Mr  Dick   was  let me see  sixteen
hundred and forty nine was the date of King Charles s execution 
I think you said sixteen hundred and forty nine  

 Yes  sir  

 I don t know how it can be   said Mr  Dick  sorely puzzled and
shaking his head    I don t think I am as old as that  

 Was it in that year that the man appeared  sir   I asked 

 Why  really  said Mr  Dick   I don t see how it can have been in
that year  Trotwood   Did you get that date out of history  

 Yes  sir  

 I suppose history never lies  does it   said Mr  Dick  with a
gleam of hope 

 Oh dear  no  sir   I replied  most decisively   I was ingenuous
and young  and I thought so 

 I can t make it out   said Mr  Dick  shaking his head    There s
something wrong  somewhere   However  it was very soon after the
mistake was made of putting some of the trouble out of King
Charles s head into my head  that the man first came   I was
walking out with Miss Trotwood after tea  just at dark  and there
he was  close to our house  

 Walking about   I inquired 

 Walking about   repeated Mr  Dick    Let me see  I must recollect
a bit   N no  no  he was not walking about  

I asked  as the shortest way to get at it  what he WAS doing 

 Well  he wasn t there at all   said Mr  Dick   until he came up
behind her  and whispered   Then she turned round and fainted  and
I stood still and looked at him  and he walked away  but that he
should have been hiding ever since  in the ground or somewhere   is
the most extraordinary thing  

 HAS he been hiding ever since   I asked 

 To be sure he has   retorted Mr  Dick  nodding his head gravely 
 Never came out  till last night   We were walking last night  and
he came up behind her again  and I knew him again  

 And did he frighten my aunt again  

 All of a shiver   said Mr  Dick  counterfeiting that affection and
making his teeth chatter    Held by the palings   Cried   But 
Trotwood  come here   getting me close to him  that he might
whisper very softly   why did she give him money  boy  in the
moonlight  

 He was a beggar  perhaps  

Mr  Dick shook his head  as utterly renouncing the suggestion  and
having replied a great many times  and with great confidence   No
beggar  no beggar  no beggar  sir   went on to say  that from his
window he had afterwards  and late at night  seen my aunt give this
person money outside the garden rails in the moonlight  who then
slunk away   into the ground again  as he thought probable   and
was seen no more  while my aunt came hurriedly and secretly back
into the house  and had  even that morning  been quite different
from her usual self  which preyed on Mr  Dick s mind 

I had not the least belief  in the outset of this story  that the
unknown was anything but a delusion of Mr  Dick s  and one of the
line of that ill fated Prince who occasioned him so much
difficulty  but after some reflection I began to entertain the
question whether an attempt  or threat of an attempt  might have
been twice made to take poor Mr  Dick himself from under my aunt s
protection  and whether my aunt  the strength of whose kind feeling
towards him I knew from herself  might have been induced to pay a
price for his peace and quiet   As I was already much attached to
Mr  Dick  and very solicitous for his welfare  my fears favoured
this supposition  and for a long time his Wednesday hardly ever
came round  without my entertaining a misgiving that he would not
be on the coach box as usual   There he always appeared  however 
grey headed  laughing  and happy  and he never had anything more to
tell of the man who could frighten my aunt 

These Wednesdays were the happiest days of Mr  Dick s life  they
were far from being the least happy of mine   He soon became known
to every boy in the school  and though he never took an active part
in any game but kite flying  was as deeply interested in all our
sports as anyone among us   How often have I seen him  intent upon
a match at marbles or pegtop  looking on with a face of unutterable
interest  and hardly breathing at the critical times   How often 
at hare and hounds  have I seen him mounted on a little knoll 
cheering the whole field on to action  and waving his hat above his
grey head  oblivious of King Charles the Martyr s head  and all
belonging to it   How many a summer hour have I known to be but
blissful minutes to him in the cricket field   How many winter days
have I seen him  standing blue nosed  in the snow and east wind 
looking at the boys going down the long slide  and clapping his
worsted gloves in rapture 

He was an universal favourite  and his ingenuity in little things
was transcendent   He could cut oranges into such devices as none
of us had an idea of   He could make a boat out of anything  from
a skewer upwards   He could turn cramp bones into chessmen  fashion
Roman chariots from old court cards  make spoked wheels out of
cotton reels  and bird cages of old wire   But he was greatest of
all  perhaps  in the articles of string and straw  with which we
were all persuaded he could do anything that could be done by
hands 

Mr  Dick s renown was not long confined to us   After a few
Wednesdays  Doctor Strong himself made some inquiries of me about
him  and I told him all my aunt had told me  which interested the
Doctor so much that he requested  on the occasion of his next
visit  to be presented to him   This ceremony I performed  and the
Doctor begging Mr  Dick  whensoever he should not find me at the
coach office  to come on there  and rest himself until our
morning s work was over  it soon passed into a custom for Mr  Dick
to come on as a matter of course  and  if we were a little late  as
often happened on a Wednesday  to walk about the courtyard  waiting
for me   Here he made the acquaintance of the Doctor s beautiful
young wife  paler than formerly  all this time  more rarely seen by
me or anyone  I think  and not so gay  but not less beautiful   and
so became more and more familiar by degrees  until  at last  he
would come into the school and wait   He always sat in a particular
corner  on a particular stool  which was called  Dick   after him 
here he would sit  with his grey head bent forward  attentively
listening to whatever might be going on  with a profound veneration
for the learning he had never been able to acquire 

This veneration Mr  Dick extended to the Doctor  whom he thought
the most subtle and accomplished philosopher of any age   It was
long before Mr  Dick ever spoke to him otherwise than bareheaded 
and even when he and the Doctor had struck up quite a friendship 
and would walk together by the hour  on that side of the courtyard
which was known among us as The Doctor s Walk  Mr  Dick would pull
off his hat at intervals to show his respect for wisdom and
knowledge   How it ever came about that the Doctor began to read
out scraps of the famous Dictionary  in these walks  I never knew 
perhaps he felt it all the same  at first  as reading to himself 
However  it passed into a custom too  and Mr  Dick  listening with
a face shining with pride and pleasure  in his heart of hearts
believed the Dictionary to be the most delightful book in the
world 

As I think of them going up and down before those schoolroom
windows   the Doctor reading with his complacent smile  an
occasional flourish of the manuscript  or grave motion of his head 
and Mr  Dick listening  enchained by interest  with his poor wits
calmly wandering God knows where  upon the wings of hard words   I
think of it as one of the pleasantest things  in a quiet way  that
I have ever seen   I feel as if they might go walking to and fro
for ever  and the world might somehow be the better for it   as if
a thousand things it makes a noise about  were not one half so good
for it  or me 

Agnes was one of Mr  Dick s friends  very soon  and in often coming
to the house  he made acquaintance with Uriah   The friendship
between himself and me increased continually  and it was maintained
on this odd footing  that  while Mr  Dick came professedly to look
after me as my guardian  he always consulted me in any little
matter of doubt that arose  and invariably guided himself by my
advice  not only having a high respect for my native sagacity  but
considering that I inherited a good deal from my aunt 

One Thursday morning  when I was about to walk with Mr  Dick from
the hotel to the coach office before going back to school  for we
had an hour s school before breakfast   I met Uriah in the street 
who reminded me of the promise I had made to take tea with himself
and his mother  adding  with a writhe   But I didn t expect you to
keep it  Master Copperfield  we re so very umble  

I really had not yet been able to make up my mind whether I liked
Uriah or detested him  and I was very doubtful about it still  as
I stood looking him in the face in the street   But I felt it quite
an affront to be supposed proud  and said I only wanted to be
asked 

 Oh  if that s all  Master Copperfield   said Uriah   and it
really isn t our umbleness that prevents you  will you come this
evening   But if it is our umbleness  I hope you won t mind owning
to it  Master Copperfield  for we are well aware of our condition  

I said I would mention it to Mr  Wickfield  and if he approved  as
I had no doubt he would  I would come with pleasure   So  at six
o clock that evening  which was one of the early office evenings 
I announced myself as ready  to Uriah 

 Mother will be proud  indeed   he said  as we walked away
together    Or she would be proud  if it wasn t sinful  Master
Copperfield  

 Yet you didn t mind supposing I was proud this morning   I
returned 

 Oh dear  no  Master Copperfield   returned Uriah    Oh  believe
me  no   Such a thought never came into my head   I shouldn t have
deemed it at all proud if you had thought US too umble for you 
Because we are so very umble  

 Have you been studying much law lately   I asked  to change the
subject 

 Oh  Master Copperfield   he said  with an air of self denial   my
reading is hardly to be called study   I have passed an hour or two
in the evening  sometimes  with Mr  Tidd  

 Rather hard  I suppose   said I 
 He is hard to me sometimes   returned Uriah    But I don t know
what he might be to a gifted person  

After beating a little tune on his chin as he walked on  with the
two forefingers of his skeleton right hand  he added 

 There are expressions  you see  Master Copperfield   Latin words
and terms   in Mr  Tidd  that are trying to a reader of my umble
attainments  

 Would you like to be taught Latin   I said briskly    I will teach
it you with pleasure  as I learn it  

 Oh  thank you  Master Copperfield   he answered  shaking his head 
 I am sure it s very kind of you to make the offer  but I am much
too umble to accept it  

 What nonsense  Uriah  

 Oh  indeed you must excuse me  Master Copperfield   I am greatly
obliged  and I should like it of all things  I assure you  but I am
far too umble   There are people enough to tread upon me in my
lowly state  without my doing outrage to their feelings by
possessing learning   Learning ain t for me   A person like myself
had better not aspire   If he is to get on in life  he must get on
umbly  Master Copperfield  

I never saw his mouth so wide  or the creases in his cheeks so
deep  as when he delivered himself of these sentiments  shaking his
head all the time  and writhing modestly 

 I think you are wrong  Uriah   I said    I dare say there are
several things that I could teach you  if you would like to learn
them  

 Oh  I don t doubt that  Master Copperfield   he answered   not in
the least   But not being umble yourself  you don t judge well 
perhaps  for them that are   I won t provoke my betters with
knowledge  thank you   I m much too umble   Here is my umble
dwelling  Master Copperfield  

We entered a low  old fashioned room  walked straight into from the
street  and found there Mrs  Heep  who was the dead image of Uriah 
only short   She received me with the utmost humility  and
apologized to me for giving her son a kiss  observing that  lowly
as they were  they had their natural affections  which they hoped
would give no offence to anyone   It was a perfectly decent room 
half parlour and half kitchen  but not at all a snug room   The
tea things were set upon the table  and the kettle was boiling on
the hob   There was a chest of drawers with an escritoire top  for
Uriah to read or write at of an evening  there was Uriah s blue bag
lying down and vomiting papers  there was a company of Uriah s
books commanded by Mr  Tidd  there was a corner cupboard  and there
were the usual articles of furniture   I don t remember that any
individual object had a bare  pinched  spare look  but I do
remember that the whole place had 

It was perhaps a part of Mrs  Heep s humility  that she still wore
weeds   Notwithstanding the lapse of time that had occurred since
Mr  Heep s decease  she still wore weeds   I think there was some
compromise in the cap  but otherwise she was as weedy as in the
early days of her mourning 

 This is a day to be remembered  my Uriah  I am sure   said Mrs 
Heep  making the tea   when Master Copperfield pays us a visit  

 I said you d think so  mother   said Uriah 

 If I could have wished father to remain among us for any reason  
said Mrs  Heep   it would have been  that he might have known his
company this afternoon  

I felt embarrassed by these compliments  but I was sensible  too 
of being entertained as an honoured guest  and I thought Mrs  Heep
an agreeable woman 

 My Uriah   said Mrs  Heep   has looked forward to this  sir  a
long while   He had his fears that our umbleness stood in the way 
and I joined in them myself   Umble we are  umble we have been 
umble we shall ever be   said Mrs  Heep 

 I am sure you have no occasion to be so  ma am   I said   unless
you like  

 Thank you  sir   retorted Mrs  Heep    We know our station and are
thankful in it  

I found that Mrs  Heep gradually got nearer to me  and that Uriah
gradually got opposite to me  and that they respectfully plied me
with the choicest of the eatables on the table   There was nothing
particularly choice there  to be sure  but I took the will for the
deed  and felt that they were very attentive   Presently they began
to talk about aunts  and then I told them about mine  and about
fathers and mothers  and then I told them about mine  and then Mrs 
Heep began to talk about fathers in law  and then I began to tell
her about mine   but stopped  because my aunt had advised me to
observe a silence on that subject   A tender young cork  however 
would have had no more chance against a pair of corkscrews  or a
tender young tooth against a pair of dentists  or a little
shuttlecock against two battledores  than I had against Uriah and
Mrs  Heep   They did just what they liked with me  and wormed
things out of me that I had no desire to tell  with a certainty I
blush to think of  the more especially  as in my juvenile
frankness  I took some credit to myself for being so confidential
and felt that I was quite the patron of my two respectful
entertainers 

They were very fond of one another  that was certain   I take it 
that had its effect upon me  as a touch of nature  but the skill
with which the one followed up whatever the other said  was a touch
of art which I was still less proof against   When there was
nothing more to be got out of me about myself  for on the Murdstone
and Grinby life  and on my journey  I was dumb   they began about
Mr  Wickfield and Agnes   Uriah threw the ball to Mrs  Heep  Mrs 
Heep caught it and threw it back to Uriah  Uriah kept it up a
little while  then sent it back to Mrs  Heep  and so they went on
tossing it about until I had no idea who had got it  and was quite
bewildered   The ball itself was always changing too   Now it was
Mr  Wickfield  now Agnes  now the excellence of Mr  Wickfield  now
my admiration of Agnes  now the extent of Mr  Wickfield s business
and resources  now our domestic life after dinner  now  the wine
that Mr  Wickfield took  the reason why he took it  and the pity
that it was he took so much  now one thing  now another  then
everything at once  and all the time  without appearing to speak
very often  or to do anything but sometimes encourage them a
little  for fear they should be overcome by their humility and the
honour of my company  I found myself perpetually letting out
something or other that I had no business to let out and seeing the
effect of it in the twinkling of Uriah s dinted nostrils 

I had begun to be a little uncomfortable  and to wish myself well
out of the visit  when a figure coming down the street passed the
door   it stood open to air the room  which was warm  the weather
being close for the time of year   came back again  looked in  and
walked in  exclaiming loudly   Copperfield   Is it possible  

It was Mr  Micawber   It was Mr  Micawber  with his eye glass  and
his walking stick  and his shirt collar  and his genteel air  and
the condescending roll in his voice  all complete 

 My dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber  putting out his hand 
 this is indeed a meeting which is calculated to impress the mind
with a sense of the instability and uncertainty of all human   in
short  it is a most extraordinary meeting   Walking along the
street  reflecting upon the probability of something turning up  of
which I am at present rather sanguine   I find a young but valued
friend turn up  who is connected with the most eventful period of
my life  I may say  with the turning point of my existence 
Copperfield  my dear fellow  how do you do  

I cannot say   I really cannot say   that I was glad to see Mr 
Micawber there  but I was glad to see him too  and shook hands with
him  heartily  inquiring how Mrs  Micawber was 

 Thank you   said Mr  Micawber  waving his hand as of old  and
settling his chin in his shirt collar    She is tolerably
convalescent   The twins no longer derive their sustenance from
Nature s founts   in short   said Mr  Micawber  in one of his
bursts of confidence   they are weaned   and Mrs  Micawber is  at
present  my travelling companion   She will be rejoiced 
Copperfield  to renew her acquaintance with one who has proved
himself in all respects a worthy minister at the sacred altar of
friendship  

I said I should be delighted to see her 

 You are very good   said Mr  Micawber 

Mr  Micawber then smiled  settled his chin again  and looked about
him 

 I have discovered my friend Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber
genteelly  and without addressing himself particularly to anyone 
 not in solitude  but partaking of a social meal in company with a
widow lady  and one who is apparently her offspring   in short  
said Mr  Micawber  in another of his bursts of confidence   her
son   I shall esteem it an honour to be presented  

I could do no less  under these circumstances  than make Mr 
Micawber known to Uriah Heep and his mother  which I accordingly
did   As they abased themselves before him  Mr  Micawber took a
seat  and waved his hand in his most courtly manner 

 Any friend of my friend Copperfield s   said Mr  Micawber   has a
personal claim upon myself  

 We are too umble  sir   said Mrs  Heep   my son and me  to be the
friends of Master Copperfield   He has been so good as take his tea
with us  and we are thankful to him for his company  also to you 
sir  for your notice  

 Ma am   returned Mr  Micawber  with a bow   you are very obliging 
and what are you doing  Copperfield   Still in the wine trade  

I was excessively anxious to get Mr  Micawber away  and replied 
with my hat in my hand  and a very red face  I have no doubt  that
I was a pupil at Doctor Strong s 

 A pupil   said Mr  Micawber  raising his eyebrows    I am
extremely happy to hear it   Although a mind like my friend
Copperfield s    to Uriah and Mrs  Heep    does not require that
cultivation which  without his knowledge of men and things  it
would require  still it is a rich soil teeming with latent
vegetation   in short   said Mr  Micawber  smiling  in another
burst of confidence   it is an intellect capable of getting up the
classics to any extent  

Uriah  with his long hands slowly twining over one another  made a
ghastly writhe from the waist upwards  to express his concurrence
in this estimation of me 

 Shall we go and see Mrs  Micawber  sir   I said  to get Mr 
Micawber away 

 If you will do her that favour  Copperfield   replied Mr 
Micawber  rising    I have no scruple in saying  in the presence of
our friends here  that I am a man who has  for some years 
contended against the pressure of pecuniary difficulties    I knew
he was certain to say something of this kind  he always would be so
boastful about his difficulties    Sometimes I have risen superior
to my difficulties   Sometimes my difficulties have   in short 
have floored me   There have been times when I have administered a
succession of facers to them  there have been times when they have
been too many for me  and I have given in  and said to Mrs 
Micawber  in the words of Cato   Plato  thou reasonest well   It s
all up now   I can show fight no more   But at no time of my life  
said Mr  Micawber   have I enjoyed a higher degree of satisfaction
than in pouring my griefs  if I may describe difficulties  chiefly
arising out of warrants of attorney and promissory notes at two and
four months  by that word  into the bosom of my friend
Copperfield  

Mr  Micawber closed this handsome tribute by saying   Mr  Heep 
Good evening   Mrs  Heep   Your servant   and then walking out with
me in his most fashionable manner  making a good deal of noise on
the pavement with his shoes  and humming a tune as we went 

It was a little inn where Mr  Micawber put up  and he occupied a
little room in it  partitioned off from the commercial room  and
strongly flavoured with tobacco smoke   I think it was over the
kitchen  because a warm greasy smell appeared to come up through
the chinks in the floor  and there was a flabby perspiration on the
walls   I know it was near the bar  on account of the smell of
spirits and jingling of glasses   Here  recumbent on a small sofa 
underneath a picture of a race horse  with her head close to the
fire  and her feet pushing the mustard off the dumb waiter at the
other end of the room  was Mrs  Micawber  to whom Mr  Micawber
entered first  saying   My dear  allow me to introduce to you a
pupil of Doctor Strong s  

I noticed  by the by  that although Mr  Micawber was just as much
confused as ever about my age and standing  he always remembered 
as a genteel thing  that I was a pupil of Doctor Strong s 

Mrs  Micawber was amazed  but very glad to see me   I was very glad
to see her too  and  after an affectionate greeting on both sides 
sat down on the small sofa near her 

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber   if you will mention to Copperfield
what our present position is  which I have no doubt he will like to
know  I will go and look at the paper the while  and see whether
anything turns up among the advertisements  

 I thought you were at Plymouth  ma am   I said to Mrs  Micawber 
as he went out 

 My dear Master Copperfield   she replied   we went to Plymouth  

 To be on the spot   I hinted 

 Just so   said Mrs  Micawber    To be on the spot   But  the truth
is  talent is not wanted in the Custom House   The local influence
of my family was quite unavailing to obtain any employment in that
department  for a man of Mr  Micawber s abilities   They would
rather NOT have a man of Mr  Micawber s abilities   He would only
show the deficiency of the others   Apart from which   said Mrs 
Micawber   I will not disguise from you  my dear Master
Copperfield  that when that branch of my family which is settled in
Plymouth  became aware that Mr  Micawber was accompanied by myself 
and by little Wilkins and his sister  and by the twins  they did
not receive him with that ardour which he might have expected 
being so newly released from captivity   In fact   said Mrs 
Micawber  lowering her voice     this is between ourselves   our
reception was cool  

 Dear me   I said 

 Yes   said Mrs  Micawber    It is truly painful to contemplate
mankind in such an aspect  Master Copperfield  but our reception
was  decidedly  cool   There is no doubt about it   In fact  that
branch of my family which is settled in Plymouth became quite
personal to Mr  Micawber  before we had been there a week  

I said  and thought  that they ought to be ashamed of themselves 

 Still  so it was   continued Mrs  Micawber    Under such
circumstances  what could a man of Mr  Micawber s spirit do   But
one obvious course was left   To borrow  of that branch of my
family  the money to return to London  and to return at any
sacrifice  

 Then you all came back again  ma am   I said 

 We all came back again   replied Mrs  Micawber    Since then  I
have consulted other branches of my family on the course which it
is most expedient for Mr  Micawber to take   for I maintain that he
must take some course  Master Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber 
argumentatively    It is clear that a family of six  not including
a domestic  cannot live upon air  

 Certainly  ma am   said I 

 The opinion of those other branches of my family   pursued Mrs 
Micawber   is  that Mr  Micawber should immediately turn his
attention to coals  

 To what  ma am  

 To coals   said Mrs  Micawber    To the coal trade   Mr  Micawber
was induced to think  on inquiry  that there might be an opening
for a man of his talent in the Medway Coal Trade   Then  as Mr 
Micawber very properly said  the first step to be taken clearly
was  to come and see the Medway   Which we came and saw   I say
 we   Master Copperfield  for I never will   said Mrs  Micawber
with emotion   I never will desert Mr  Micawber  

I murmured my admiration and approbation 

 We came   repeated Mrs  Micawber   and saw the Medway   My opinion
of the coal trade on that river is  that it may require talent  but
that it certainly requires capital   Talent  Mr  Micawber has 
capital  Mr  Micawber has not   We saw  I think  the greater part
of the Medway  and that is my individual conclusion   Being so near
here  Mr  Micawber was of opinion that it would be rash not to come
on  and see the Cathedral   Firstly  on account of its being so
well worth seeing  and our never having seen it  and secondly  on
account of the great probability of something turning up in a
cathedral town   We have been here   said Mrs  Micawber   three
days   Nothing has  as yet  turned up  and it may not surprise you 
my dear Master Copperfield  so much as it would a stranger  to know
that we are at present waiting for a remittance from London  to
discharge our pecuniary obligations at this hotel   Until the
arrival of that remittance   said Mrs  Micawber with much feeling 
 I am cut off from my home  I allude to lodgings in Pentonville  
from my boy and girl  and from my twins  

I felt the utmost sympathy for Mr  and Mrs  Micawber in this
anxious extremity  and said as much to Mr  Micawber  who now
returned  adding that I only wished I had money enough  to lend
them the amount they needed   Mr  Micawber s answer expressed the
disturbance of his mind   He said  shaking hands with me 
 Copperfield  you are a true friend  but when the worst comes to
the worst  no man is without a friend who is possessed of shaving
materials    At this dreadful hint Mrs  Micawber threw her arms
round Mr  Micawber s neck and entreated him to be calm   He wept 
but so far recovered  almost immediately  as to ring the bell for
the waiter  and bespeak a hot kidney pudding and a plate of shrimps
for breakfast in the morning 

When I took my leave of them  they both pressed me so much to come
and dine before they went away  that I could not refuse   But  as
I knew I could not come next day  when I should have a good deal to
prepare in the evening  Mr  Micawber arranged that he would call at
Doctor Strong s in the course of the morning  having a presentiment
that the remittance would arrive by that post   and propose the day
after  if it would suit me better   Accordingly I was called out of
school next forenoon  and found Mr  Micawber in the parlour  who
had called to say that the dinner would take place as proposed 
When I asked him if the remittance had come  he pressed my hand and
departed 

As I was looking out of window that same evening  it surprised me 
and made me rather uneasy  to see Mr  Micawber and Uriah Heep walk
past  arm in arm  Uriah humbly sensible of the honour that was done
him  and Mr  Micawber taking a bland delight in extending his
patronage to Uriah   But I was still more surprised  when I went to
the little hotel next day at the appointed dinner hour  which was
four o clock  to find  from what Mr  Micawber said  that he had
gone home with Uriah  and had drunk brandy and water at Mrs 
Heep s 

 And I ll tell you what  my dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber 
 your friend Heep is a young fellow who might be attorney general 
If I had known that young man  at the period when my difficulties
came to a crisis  all I can say is  that I believe my creditors
would have been a great deal better managed than they were  

I hardly understood how this could have been  seeing that Mr 
Micawber had paid them nothing at all as it was  but I did not like
to ask   Neither did I like to say  that I hoped he had not been
too communicative to Uriah  or to inquire if they had talked much
about me   I was afraid of hurting Mr  Micawber s feelings  or  at
all events  Mrs  Micawber s  she being very sensitive  but I was
uncomfortable about it  too  and often thought about it afterwards 

We had a beautiful little dinner   Quite an elegant dish of fish 
the kidney end of a loin of veal  roasted  fried sausage meat  a
partridge  and a pudding   There was wine  and there was strong
ale  and after dinner Mrs  Micawber made us a bowl of hot punch
with her own hands 

Mr  Micawber was uncommonly convivial   I never saw him such good
company   He made his face shine with the punch  so that it looked
as if it had been varnished all over   He got cheerfully
sentimental about the town  and proposed success to it  observing
that Mrs  Micawber and himself had been made extremely snug and
comfortable there and that he never should forget the agreeable
hours they had passed in Canterbury   He proposed me afterwards 
and he  and Mrs  Micawber  and I  took a review of our past
acquaintance  in the course of which we sold the property all over
again   Then I proposed Mrs  Micawber  or  at least  said 
modestly   If you ll allow me  Mrs  Micawber  I shall now have the
pleasure of drinking your health  ma am    On which Mr  Micawber
delivered an eulogium on Mrs  Micawber s character  and said she
had ever been his guide  philosopher  and friend  and that he would
recommend me  when I came to a marrying time of life  to marry such
another woman  if such another woman could be found 

As the punch disappeared  Mr  Micawber became still more friendly
and convivial   Mrs  Micawber s spirits becoming elevated  too  we
sang  Auld Lang Syne    When we came to  Here s a hand  my trusty
frere   we all joined hands round the table  and when we declared
we would  take a right gude Willie Waught   and hadn t the least
idea what it meant  we were really affected 

In a word  I never saw anybody so thoroughly jovial as Mr  Micawber
was  down to the very last moment of the evening  when I took a
hearty farewell of himself and his amiable wife   Consequently  I
was not prepared  at seven o clock next morning  to receive the
following communication  dated half past nine in the evening  a
quarter of an hour after I had left him   

 My DEAR YOUNG FRIEND 

 The die is cast   all is over   Hiding the ravages of care with a
sickly mask of mirth  I have not informed you  this evening  that
there is no hope of the remittance   Under these circumstances 
alike humiliating to endure  humiliating to contemplate  and
humiliating to relate  I have discharged the pecuniary liability
contracted at this establishment  by giving a note of hand  made
payable fourteen days after date  at my residence  Pentonville 
London   When it becomes due  it will not be taken up   The result
is destruction   The bolt is impending  and the tree must fall 

 Let the wretched man who now addresses you  my dear Copperfield 
be a beacon to you through life   He writes with that intention 
and in that hope   If he could think himself of so much use  one
gleam of day might  by possibility  penetrate into the cheerless
dungeon of his remaining existence   though his longevity is  at
present  to say the least of it   extremely problematical 

 This is the last communication  my dear Copperfield  you will ever
receive

                          From

                               The

                                    Beggared Outcast 

                                         WILKINS MICAWBER  


I was so shocked by the contents of this heart rending letter  that
I ran off directly towards the little hotel with the intention of
taking it on my way to Doctor Strong s  and trying to soothe Mr 
Micawber with a word of comfort   But  half way there  I met the
London coach with Mr  and Mrs  Micawber up behind  Mr  Micawber 
the very picture of tranquil enjoyment  smiling at Mrs  Micawber s
conversation  eating walnuts out of a paper bag  with a bottle
sticking out of his breast pocket   As they did not see me  I
thought it best  all things considered  not to see them   So  with
a great weight taken off my mind  I turned into a by street that
was the nearest way to school  and felt  upon the whole  relieved
that they were gone  though I still liked them very much 
nevertheless 



CHAPTER   
A RETROSPECT


My school days   The silent gliding on of my existence   the
unseen  unfelt progress of my life   from childhood up to youth 
Let me think  as I look back upon that flowing water  now a dry
channel overgrown with leaves  whether there are any marks along
its course  by which I can remember how it ran 

A moment  and I occupy my place in the Cathedral  where we all went
together  every Sunday morning  assembling first at school for that
purpose   The earthy smell  the sunless air  the sensation of the
world being shut out  the resounding of the organ through the black
and white arched galleries and aisles  are wings that take me back 
and hold me hovering above those days  in a half sleeping and
half waking dream 

I am not the last boy in the school   I have risen in a few months 
over several heads   But the first boy seems to me a mighty
creature  dwelling afar off  whose giddy height is unattainable 
Agnes says  No   but I say  Yes   and tell her that she little
thinks what stores of knowledge have been mastered by the wonderful
Being  at whose place she thinks I  even I  weak aspirant  may
arrive in time   He is not my private friend and public patron  as
Steerforth was  but I hold him in a reverential respect   I chiefly
wonder what he ll be  when he leaves Doctor Strong s  and what
mankind will do to maintain any place against him 

But who is this that breaks upon me   This is Miss Shepherd  whom
I love 

Miss Shepherd is a boarder at the Misses Nettingalls 
establishment   I adore Miss Shepherd   She is a little girl  in a
spencer  with a round face and curly flaxen hair   The Misses
Nettingalls  young ladies come to the Cathedral too   I cannot look
upon my book  for I must look upon Miss Shepherd   When the
choristers chaunt  I hear Miss Shepherd   In the service I mentally
insert Miss Shepherd s name   I put her in among the Royal Family 
At home  in my own room  I am sometimes moved to cry out   Oh  Miss
Shepherd   in a transport of love 

For some time  I am doubtful of Miss Shepherd s feelings  but  at
length  Fate being propitious  we meet at the dancing school   I
have Miss Shepherd for my partner   I touch Miss Shepherd s glove 
and feel a thrill go up the right arm of my jacket  and come out at
my hair   I say nothing to Miss Shepherd  but we understand each
other   Miss Shepherd and myself live but to be united 

Why do I secretly give Miss Shepherd twelve Brazil nuts for a
present  I wonder   They are not expressive of affection  they are
difficult to pack into a parcel of any regular shape  they are hard
to crack  even in room doors  and they are oily when cracked  yet
I feel that they are appropriate to Miss Shepherd   Soft  seedy
biscuits  also  I bestow upon Miss Shepherd  and oranges
innumerable   Once  I kiss Miss Shepherd in the cloak room 
Ecstasy   What are my agony and indignation next day  when I hear
a flying rumour that the Misses Nettingall have stood Miss Shepherd
in the stocks for turning in her toes 

Miss Shepherd being the one pervading theme and vision of my life 
how do I ever come to break with her   I can t conceive   And yet
a coolness grows between Miss Shepherd and myself   Whispers reach
me of Miss Shepherd having said she wished I wouldn t stare so  and
having avowed a preference for Master Jones   for Jones  a boy of
no merit whatever   The gulf between me and Miss Shepherd widens 
At last  one day  I meet the Misses Nettingalls  establishment out
walking   Miss Shepherd makes a face as she goes by  and laughs to
her companion   All is over   The devotion of a life   it seems a
life  it is all the same   is at an end  Miss Shepherd comes out of
the morning service  and the Royal Family know her no more 

I am higher in the school  and no one breaks my peace   I am not at
all polite  now  to the Misses Nettingalls  young ladies  and
shouldn t dote on any of them  if they were twice as many and
twenty times as beautiful   I think the dancing school a tiresome
affair  and wonder why the girls can t dance by themselves and
leave us alone   I am growing great in Latin verses  and neglect
the laces of my boots   Doctor Strong refers to me in public as a
promising young scholar   Mr  Dick is wild with joy  and my aunt
remits me a guinea by the next post 

The shade of a young butcher rises  like the apparition of an armed
head in Macbeth   Who is this young butcher   He is the terror of
the youth of Canterbury   There is a vague belief abroad  that the
beef suet with which he anoints his hair gives him unnatural
strength  and that he is a match for a man   He is a broad faced 
bull necked  young butcher  with rough red cheeks  an
ill conditioned mind  and an injurious tongue   His main use of
this tongue  is  to disparage Doctor Strong s young gentlemen   He
says  publicly  that if they want anything he ll give it  em   He
names individuals among them  myself included   whom he could
undertake to settle with one hand  and the other tied behind him 
He waylays the smaller boys to punch their unprotected heads  and
calls challenges after me in the open streets   For these
sufficient reasons I resolve to fight the butcher 

It is a summer evening  down in a green hollow  at the corner of a
wall   I meet the butcher by appointment   I am attended by a
select body of our boys  the butcher  by two other butchers  a
young publican  and a sweep   The preliminaries are adjusted  and
the butcher and myself stand face to face   In a moment the butcher
lights ten thousand candles out of my left eyebrow   In another
moment  I don t know where the wall is  or where I am  or where
anybody is   I hardly know which is myself and which the butcher 
we are always in such a tangle and tussle  knocking about upon the
trodden grass   Sometimes I see the butcher  bloody but confident 
sometimes I see nothing  and sit gasping on my second s knee 
sometimes I go in at the butcher madly  and cut my knuckles open
against his face  without appearing to discompose him at all   At
last I awake  very queer about the head  as from a giddy sleep  and
see the butcher walking off  congratulated by the two other
butchers and the sweep and publican  and putting on his coat as he
goes  from which I augur  justly  that the victory is his 

I am taken home in a sad plight  and I have beef steaks put to my
eyes  and am rubbed with vinegar and brandy  and find a great puffy
place bursting out on my upper lip  which swells immoderately   For
three or four days I remain at home  a very ill looking subject 
with a green shade over my eyes  and I should be very dull  but
that Agnes is a sister to me  and condoles with me  and reads to
me  and makes the time light and happy   Agnes has my confidence
completely  always  I tell her all about the butcher  and the
wrongs he has heaped upon me  she thinks I couldn t have done
otherwise than fight the butcher  while she shrinks and trembles at
my having fought him 

Time has stolen on unobserved  for Adams is not the head boy in the
days that are come now  nor has he been this many and many a day 
Adams has left the school so long  that when he comes back  on a
visit to Doctor Strong  there are not many there  besides myself 
who know him   Adams is going to be called to the bar almost
directly  and is to be an advocate  and to wear a wig   I am
surprised to find him a meeker man than I had thought  and less
imposing in appearance   He has not staggered the world yet 
either  for it goes on  as well as I can make out  pretty much the
same as if he had never joined it 

A blank  through which the warriors of poetry and history march on
in stately hosts that seem to have no end   and what comes next 
I am the head boy  now   I look down on the line of boys below me 
with a condescending interest in such of them as bring to my mind
the boy I was myself  when I first came there   That little fellow
seems to be no part of me  I remember him as something left behind
upon the road of life   as something I have passed  rather than
have actually been   and almost think of him as of someone else 

And the little girl I saw on that first day at Mr  Wickfield s 
where is she   Gone also   In her stead  the perfect likeness of
the picture  a child likeness no more  moves about the house  and
Agnes   my sweet sister  as I call her in my thoughts  my
counsellor and friend  the better angel of the lives of all who
come within her calm  good  self denying influence   is quite a
woman 

What other changes have come upon me  besides the changes in my
growth and looks  and in the knowledge I have garnered all this
while   I wear a gold watch and chain  a ring upon my little
finger  and a long tailed coat  and I use a great deal of bear s
grease   which  taken in conjunction with the ring  looks bad   Am
I in love again   I am   I worship the eldest Miss Larkins 

The eldest Miss Larkins is not a little girl   She is a tall  dark 
black eyed  fine figure of a woman   The eldest Miss Larkins is not
a chicken  for the youngest Miss Larkins is not that  and the
eldest must be three or four years older   Perhaps the eldest Miss
Larkins may be about thirty   My passion for her is beyond all
bounds 

The eldest Miss Larkins knows officers   It is an awful thing to
bear   I see them speaking to her in the street   I see them cross
the way to meet her  when her bonnet  she has a bright taste in
bonnets  is seen coming down the pavement  accompanied by her
sister s bonnet   She laughs and talks  and seems to like it   I
spend a good deal of my own spare time in walking up and down to
meet her   If I can bow to her once in the day  I know her to bow
to  knowing Mr  Larkins   I am happier   I deserve a bow now and
then   The raging agonies I suffer on the night of the Race Ball 
where I know the eldest Miss Larkins will be dancing with the
military  ought to have some compensation  if there be even handed
justice in the world 

My passion takes away my appetite  and makes me wear my newest silk
neckerchief continually   I have no relief but in putting on my
best clothes  and having my boots cleaned over and over again   I
seem  then  to be worthier of the eldest Miss Larkins   Everything
that belongs to her  or is connected with her  is precious to me 
Mr  Larkins  a gruff old gentleman with a double chin  and one of
his eyes immovable in his head  is fraught with interest to me 
When I can t meet his daughter  I go where I am likely to meet him 
To say  How do you do  Mr  Larkins   Are the young ladies and all
the family quite well   seems so pointed  that I blush 

I think continually about my age   Say I am seventeen  and say that
seventeen is young for the eldest Miss Larkins  what of that 
Besides  I shall be one and twenty in no time almost   I regularly
take walks outside Mr  Larkins s house in the evening  though it
cuts me to the heart to see the officers go in  or to hear them up
in the drawing room  where the eldest Miss Larkins plays the harp 
I even walk  on two or three occasions  in a sickly  spoony manner 
round and round the house after the family are gone to bed 
wondering which is the eldest Miss Larkins s chamber  and pitching 
I dare say now  on Mr  Larkins s instead   wishing that a fire
would burst out  that the assembled crowd would stand appalled 
that I  dashing through them with a ladder  might rear it against
her window  save her in my arms  go back for something she had left
behind  and perish in the flames   For I am generally disinterested
in my love  and think I could be content to make a figure before
Miss Larkins  and expire 

Generally  but not always   Sometimes brighter visions rise before
me   When I dress  the occupation of two hours   for a great ball
given at the Larkins s  the anticipation of three weeks   I indulge
my fancy with pleasing images   I picture myself taking courage to
make a declaration to Miss Larkins   I picture Miss Larkins sinking
her head upon my shoulder  and saying   Oh  Mr  Copperfield  can I
believe my ears   I picture Mr  Larkins waiting on me next morning 
and saying   My dear Copperfield  my daughter has told me all 
Youth is no objection   Here are twenty thousand pounds   Be
happy   I picture my aunt relenting  and blessing us  and Mr  Dick
and Doctor Strong being present at the marriage ceremony   I am a
sensible fellow  I believe   I believe  on looking back  I mean  
and modest I am sure  but all this goes on notwithstanding 
I repair to the enchanted house  where there are lights 
chattering  music  flowers  officers  I am sorry to see   and the
eldest Miss Larkins  a blaze of beauty   She is dressed in blue 
with blue flowers in her hair   forget me nots   as if SHE had any
need to wear forget me nots   It is the first really grown up party
that I have ever been invited to  and I am a little uncomfortable 
for I appear not to belong to anybody  and nobody appears to have
anything to say to me  except Mr  Larkins  who asks me how my
schoolfellows are  which he needn t do  as I have not come there to
be insulted 

But after I have stood in the doorway for some time  and feasted my
eyes upon the goddess of my heart  she approaches me   she  the
eldest Miss Larkins    and asks me pleasantly  if I dance 

I stammer  with a bow   With you  Miss Larkins  

 With no one else   inquires Miss Larkins 

 I should have no pleasure in dancing with anyone else  

Miss Larkins laughs and blushes  or I think she blushes   and says 
 Next time but one  I shall be very glad  

The time arrives    It is a waltz  I think   Miss Larkins
doubtfully observes  when I present myself    Do you waltz   If
not  Captain Bailey   

But I do waltz  pretty well  too  as it happens   and I take Miss
Larkins out   I take her sternly from the side of Captain Bailey 
He is wretched  I have no doubt  but he is nothing to me   I have
been wretched  too   I waltz with the eldest Miss Larkins   I don t
know where  among whom  or how long   I only know that I swim about
in space  with a blue angel  in a state of blissful delirium  until
I find myself alone with her in a little room  resting on a sofa 
She admires a flower  pink camellia japonica  price half a crown  
in my button hole   I give it her  and say 

 I ask an inestimable price for it  Miss Larkins  

 Indeed   What is that   returns Miss Larkins 

 A flower of yours  that I may treasure it as a miser does gold  

 You re a bold boy   says Miss Larkins    There  

She gives it me  not displeased  and I put it to my lips  and then
into my breast   Miss Larkins  laughing  draws her hand through my
arm  and says   Now take me back to Captain Bailey  

I am lost in the recollection of this delicious interview  and the
waltz  when she comes to me again  with a plain elderly gentleman
who has been playing whist all night  upon her arm  and says 

 Oh  here is my bold friend   Mr  Chestle wants to know you  Mr 
Copperfield  

I feel at once that he is a friend of the family  and am much
gratified 

 I admire your taste  sir   says Mr  Chestle    It does you credit 
I suppose you don t take much interest in hops  but I am a pretty
large grower myself  and if you ever like to come over to our
neighbourhood   neighbourhood of Ashford   and take a run about our
place   we shall be glad for you to stop as long as you like  

I thank Mr  Chestle warmly  and shake hands   I think I am in a
happy dream   I waltz with the eldest Miss Larkins once again   She
says I waltz so well   I go home in a state of unspeakable bliss 
and waltz in imagination  all night long  with my arm round the
blue waist of my dear divinity   For some days afterwards  I am
lost in rapturous reflections  but I neither see her in the street 
nor when I call   I am imperfectly consoled for this disappointment
by the sacred pledge  the perished flower 

 Trotwood   says Agnes  one day after dinner    Who do you think is
going to be married tomorrow   Someone you admire  

 Not you  I suppose  Agnes  

 Not me   raising her cheerful face from the music she is copying 
 Do you hear him  Papa    The eldest Miss Larkins  

 To   to Captain Bailey   I have just enough power to ask 

 No  to no Captain   To Mr  Chestle  a hop grower  

I am terribly dejected for about a week or two   I take off my
ring  I wear my worst clothes  I use no bear s grease  and I
frequently lament over the late Miss Larkins s faded flower 
Being  by that time  rather tired of this kind of life  and having
received new provocation from the butcher  I throw the flower away 
go out with the butcher  and gloriously defeat him 

This  and the resumption of my ring  as well as of the bear s
grease in moderation  are the last marks I can discern  now  in my
progress to seventeen 



CHAPTER   
I LOOK ABOUT ME  AND MAKE A DISCOVERY


I am doubtful whether I was at heart glad or sorry  when my
school days drew to an end  and the time came for my leaving Doctor
Strong s   I had been very happy there  I had a great attachment
for the Doctor  and I was eminent and distinguished in that little
world   For these reasons I was sorry to go  but for other reasons 
unsubstantial enough  I was glad   Misty ideas of being a young man
at my own disposal  of the importance attaching to a young man at
his own disposal  of the wonderful things to be seen and done by
that magnificent animal  and the wonderful effects he could not
fail to make upon society  lured me away   So powerful were these
visionary considerations in my boyish mind  that I seem  according
to my present way of thinking  to have left school without natural
regret   The separation has not made the impression on me  that
other separations have   I try in vain to recall how I felt about
it  and what its circumstances were  but it is not momentous in my
recollection   I suppose the opening prospect confused me   I know
that my juvenile experiences went for little or nothing then  and
that life was more like a great fairy story  which I was just about
to begin to read  than anything else 

MY aunt and I had held many grave deliberations on the calling to
which I should be devoted   For a year or more I had endeavoured to
find a satisfactory answer to her often repeated question   What I
would like to be    But I had no particular liking  that I could
discover  for anything   If I could have been inspired with a
knowledge of the science of navigation  taken the command of a
fast sailing expedition  and gone round the world on a triumphant
voyage of discovery  I think I might have considered myself
completely suited   But  in the absence of any such miraculous
provision  my desire was to apply myself to some pursuit that would
not lie too heavily upon her purse  and to do my duty in it 
whatever it might be 

Mr  Dick had regularly assisted at our councils  with a meditative
and sage demeanour   He never made a suggestion but once  and on
that occasion  I don t know what put it in his head   he suddenly
proposed that I should be  a Brazier    My aunt received this
proposal so very ungraciously  that he never ventured on a second 
but ever afterwards confined himself to looking watchfully at her
for her suggestions  and rattling his money 

 Trot  I tell you what  my dear   said my aunt  one morning in the
Christmas season when I left school   as this knotty point is still
unsettled  and as we must not make a mistake in our decision if we
can help it  I think we had better take a little breathing time 
In the meanwhile  you must try to look at it from a new point of
view  and not as a schoolboy  

 I will  aunt  

 It has occurred to me   pursued my aunt   that a little change 
and a glimpse of life out of doors  may be useful in helping you to
know your own mind  and form a cooler judgement   Suppose you were
to go down into the old part of the country again  for instance 
and see that   that out of the way woman with the savagest of
names   said my aunt  rubbing her nose  for she could never
thoroughly forgive Peggotty for being so called 

 Of all things in the world  aunt  I should like it best  

 Well   said my aunt   that s lucky  for I should like it too   But
it s natural and rational that you should like it   And I am very
well persuaded that whatever you do  Trot  will always be natural
and rational  

 I hope so  aunt  

 Your sister  Betsey Trotwood   said my aunt   would have been as
natural and rational a girl as ever breathed   You ll be worthy of
her  won t you  

 I hope I shall be worthy of YOU  aunt   That will be enough for
me  

 It s a mercy that poor dear baby of a mother of yours didn t
live   said my aunt  looking at me approvingly   or she d have been
so vain of her boy by this time  that her soft little head would
have been completely turned  if there was anything of it left to
turn     My aunt always excused any weakness of her own in my
behalf  by transferring it in this way to my poor mother    Bless
me  Trotwood  how you do remind me of her  

 Pleasantly  I hope  aunt   said I 

 He s as like her  Dick   said my aunt  emphatically   he s as like
her  as she was that afternoon before she began to fret   bless my
heart  he s as like her  as he can look at me out of his two eyes  

 Is he indeed   said Mr  Dick 

 And he s like David  too   said my aunt  decisively 

 He is very like David   said Mr  Dick 

 But what I want you to be  Trot   resumed my aunt     I don t mean
physically  but morally  you are very well physically   is  a firm
fellow   A fine firm fellow  with a will of your own   With
resolution   said my aunt  shaking her cap at me  and clenching her
hand    With determination   With character  Trot   with strength
of character that is not to be influenced  except on good reason 
by anybody  or by anything   That s what I want you to be   That s
what your father and mother might both have been  Heaven knows  and
been the better for it  

I intimated that I hoped I should be what she described 

 That you may begin  in a small way  to have a reliance upon
yourself  and to act for yourself   said my aunt   I shall send you
upon your trip  alone   I did think  once  of Mr  Dick s going with
you  but  on second thoughts  I shall keep him to take care of me  

Mr  Dick  for a moment  looked a little disappointed  until the
honour and dignity of having to take care of the most wonderful
woman in the world  restored the sunshine to his face 

 Besides   said my aunt   there s the Memorial   

 Oh  certainly   said Mr  Dick  in a hurry   I intend  Trotwood  to
get that done immediately   it really must be done immediately 
And then it will go in  you know   and then    said Mr  Dick  after
checking himself  and pausing a long time   there ll be a pretty
kettle of fish  

In pursuance of my aunt s kind scheme  I was shortly afterwards
fitted out with a handsome purse of money  and a portmanteau  and
tenderly dismissed upon my expedition   At parting  my aunt gave me
some good advice  and a good many kisses  and said that as her
object was that I should look about me  and should think a little 
she would recommend me to stay a few days in London  if I liked it 
either on my way down into Suffolk  or in coming back   In a word 
I was at liberty to do what I would  for three weeks or a month 
and no other conditions were imposed upon my freedom than the
before mentioned thinking and looking about me  and a pledge to
write three times a week and faithfully report myself 

I went to Canterbury first  that I might take leave of Agnes and
Mr  Wickfield  my old room in whose house I had not yet
relinquished   and also of the good Doctor   Agnes was very glad to
see me  and told me that the house had not been like itself since
I had left it 

 I am sure I am not like myself when I am away   said I    I seem
to want my right hand  when I miss you   Though that s not saying
much  for there s no head in my right hand  and no heart   Everyone
who knows you  consults with you  and is guided by you  Agnes  

 Everyone who knows me  spoils me  I believe   she answered 
smiling 

 No   It s because you are like no one else   You are so good  and
so sweet tempered   You have such a gentle nature  and you are
always right  

 You talk   said Agnes  breaking into a pleasant laugh  as she sat
at work   as if I were the late Miss Larkins  

 Come   It s not fair to abuse my confidence   I answered 
reddening at the recollection of my blue enslaver    But I shall
confide in you  just the same  Agnes   I can never grow out of
that   Whenever I fall into trouble  or fall in love  I shall
always tell you  if you ll let me   even when I come to fall in
love in earnest  

 Why  you have always been in earnest   said Agnes  laughing again 

 Oh  that was as a child  or a schoolboy   said I  laughing in my
turn  not without being a little shame faced    Times are altering
now  and I suppose I shall be in a terrible state of earnestness
one day or other   My wonder is  that you are not in earnest
yourself  by this time  Agnes  

Agnes laughed again  and shook her head 

 Oh  I know you are not   said I   because if you had been you
would have told me   Or at least    for I saw a faint blush in her
face   you would have let me find it out for myself   But there is
no one that I know of  who deserves to love you  Agnes   Someone of
a nobler character  and more worthy altogether than anyone I have
ever seen here  must rise up  before I give my consent   In the
time to come  I shall have a wary eye on all admirers  and shall
exact a great deal from the successful one  I assure you  

We had gone on  so far  in a mixture of confidential jest and
earnest  that had long grown naturally out of our familiar
relations  begun as mere children   But Agnes  now suddenly lifting
up her eyes to mine  and speaking in a different manner  said 

 Trotwood  there is something that I want to ask you  and that I
may not have another opportunity of asking for a long time  perhaps
  something I would ask  I think  of no one else   Have you
observed any gradual alteration in Papa  

I had observed it  and had often wondered whether she had too   I
must have shown as much  now  in my face  for her eyes were in a
moment cast down  and I saw tears in them 

 Tell me what it is   she said  in a low voice 

 I think   shall I be quite plain  Agnes  liking him so much  

 Yes   she said 

 I think he does himself no good by the habit that has increased
upon him since I first came here   He is often very nervous   or I
fancy so  

 It is not fancy   said Agnes  shaking her head 

 His hand trembles  his speech is not plain  and his eyes look
wild   I have remarked that at those times  and when he is least
like himself  he is most certain to be wanted on some business  

 By Uriah   said Agnes 

 Yes  and the sense of being unfit for it  or of not having
understood it  or of having shown his condition in spite of
himself  seems to make him so uneasy  that next day he is worse 
and next day worse  and so he becomes jaded and haggard   Do not be
alarmed by what I say  Agnes  but in this state I saw him  only the
other evening  lay down his head upon his desk  and shed tears like
a child  

Her hand passed softly before my lips while I was yet speaking  and
in a moment she had met her father at the door of the room  and was
hanging on his shoulder   The expression of her face  as they both
looked towards me  I felt to be very touching   There was such deep
fondness for him  and gratitude to him for all his love and care 
in her beautiful look  and there was such a fervent appeal to me to
deal tenderly by him  even in my inmost thoughts  and to let no
harsh construction find any place against him  she was  at once  so
proud of him and devoted to him  yet so compassionate and sorry 
and so reliant upon me to be so  too  that nothing she could have
said would have expressed more to me  or moved me more 

We were to drink tea at the Doctor s   We went there at the usual
hour  and round the study fireside found the Doctor  and his young
wife  and her mother   The Doctor  who made as much of my going
away as if I were going to China  received me as an honoured guest 
and called for a log of wood to be thrown on the fire  that he
might see the face of his old pupil reddening in the blaze 

 I shall not see many more new faces in Trotwood s stead 
Wickfield   said the Doctor  warming his hands   I am getting lazy 
and want ease   I shall relinquish all my young people in another
six months  and lead a quieter life  

 You have said so  any time these ten years  Doctor   Mr  Wickfield
answered 

 But now I mean to do it   returned the Doctor    My first master
will succeed me   I am in earnest at last   so you ll soon have to
arrange our contracts  and to bind us firmly to them  like a couple
of knaves  

 And to take care   said Mr  Wickfield   that you re not imposed
on  eh   As you certainly would be  in any contract you should make
for yourself   Well   I am ready   There are worse tasks than that 
in my calling  

 I shall have nothing to think of then   said the Doctor  with a
smile   but my Dictionary  and this other contract bargain  
Annie  

As Mr  Wickfield glanced towards her  sitting at the tea table by
Agnes  she seemed to me to avoid his look with such unwonted
hesitation and timidity  that his attention became fixed upon her 
as if something were suggested to his thoughts 

 There is a post come in from India  I observe   he said  after a
short silence 

 By the by  and letters from Mr  Jack Maldon   said the Doctor 

 Indeed  
 Poor dear Jack   said Mrs  Markleham  shaking her head    That
trying climate    like living  they tell me  on a sand heap 
underneath a burning glass   He looked strong  but he wasn t   My
dear Doctor  it was his spirit  not his constitution  that he
ventured on so boldly   Annie  my dear  I am sure you must
perfectly recollect that your cousin never was strong   not what
can be called ROBUST  you know   said Mrs  Markleham  with
emphasis  and looking round upon us generally     from the time
when my daughter and himself were children together  and walking
about  arm in arm  the livelong day  

Annie  thus addressed  made no reply 

 Do I gather from what you say  ma am  that Mr  Maldon is ill  
asked Mr   Wickfield 

 Ill   replied the Old Soldier    My dear sir  he s all sorts of
things  

 Except well   said Mr  Wickfield 

 Except well  indeed   said the Old Soldier    He has had dreadful
strokes of the sun  no doubt  and jungle fevers and agues  and
every kind of thing you can mention   As to his liver   said the
Old Soldier resignedly   that  of course  he gave up altogether 
when he first went out  

 Does he say all this   asked Mr  Wickfield 

 Say   My dear sir   returned Mrs  Markleham  shaking her head and
her fan   you little know my poor Jack Maldon when you ask that
question   Say   Not he   You might drag him at the heels of four
wild horses first  

 Mama   said Mrs  Strong 

 Annie  my dear   returned her mother   once for all  I must really
beg that you will not interfere with me  unless it is to confirm
what I say   You know as well as I do that your cousin Maldon would
be dragged at the heels of any number of wild horses   why should
I confine myself to four   I WON T confine myself to four   eight 
sixteen  two and thirty  rather than say anything calculated to
overturn the Doctor s plans  

 Wickfield s plans   said the Doctor  stroking his face  and
looking penitently at his adviser    That is to say  our joint
plans for him   I said myself  abroad or at home  

 And I said  added Mr  Wickfield gravely   abroad   I was the means
of sending him abroad   It s my responsibility  

 Oh   Responsibility   said the Old Soldier    Everything was done
for the best  my dear Mr  Wickfield  everything was done for the
kindest and best  we know   But if the dear fellow can t live
there  he can t live there   And if he can t live there  he ll die
there  sooner than he ll overturn the Doctor s plans   I know him  
said the Old Soldier  fanning herself  in a sort of calm prophetic
agony   and I know he ll die there  sooner than he ll overturn the
Doctor s plans  

 Well  well  ma am   said the Doctor cheerfully   I am not bigoted
to my plans  and I can overturn them myself   I can substitute some
other plans   If Mr  Jack Maldon comes home on account of ill
health  he must not be allowed to go back  and we must endeavour to
make some more suitable and fortunate provision for him in this
country  

Mrs  Markleham was so overcome by this generous speech   which  I
need not say  she had not at all expected or led up to   that she
could only tell the Doctor it was like himself  and go several
times through that operation of kissing the sticks of her fan  and
then tapping his hand with it   After which she gently chid her
daughter Annie  for not being more demonstrative when such
kindnesses were showered  for her sake  on her old playfellow  and
entertained us with some particulars concerning other deserving
members of her family  whom it was desirable to set on their
deserving legs 

All this time  her daughter Annie never once spoke  or lifted up
her eyes   All this time  Mr  Wickfield had his glance upon her as
she sat by his own daughter s side   It appeared to me that he
never thought of being observed by anyone  but was so intent upon
her  and upon his own thoughts in connexion with her  as to be
quite absorbed   He now asked what Mr  Jack Maldon had actually
written in reference to himself  and to whom he had written 

 Why  here   said Mrs  Markleham  taking a letter from the
chimney piece above the Doctor s head   the dear fellow says to the
Doctor himself   where is it   Oh     I am sorry to inform you that
my health is suffering severely  and that I fear I may be reduced
to the necessity of returning home for a time  as the only hope of
restoration   That s pretty plain  poor fellow   His only hope of
restoration   But Annie s letter is plainer still   Annie  show me
that letter again  

 Not now  mama   she pleaded in a low tone 

 My dear  you absolutely are  on some subjects  one of the most
ridiculous persons in the world   returned her mother   and perhaps
the most unnatural to the claims of your own family   We never
should have heard of the letter at all  I believe  unless I had
asked for it myself   Do you call that confidence  my love  towards
Doctor Strong   I am surprised   You ought to know better  

The letter was reluctantly produced  and as I handed it to the old
lady  I saw how the unwilling hand from which I took it  trembled 

 Now let us see   said Mrs  Markleham  putting her glass to her
eye   where the passage is    The remembrance of old times  my
dearest Annie    and so forth   it s not there    The amiable old
Proctor    who s he   Dear me  Annie  how illegibly your cousin
Maldon writes  and how stupid I am    Doctor   of course   Ah 
amiable indeed   Here she left off  to kiss her fan again  and
shake it at the Doctor  who was looking at us in a state of placid
satisfaction    Now I have found it    You may not be surprised to
hear  Annie     no  to be sure  knowing that he never was really
strong  what did I say just now     that I have undergone so much
in this distant place  as to have decided to leave it at all
hazards  on sick leave  if I can  on total resignation  if that is
not to be obtained   What I have endured  and do endure here  is
insupportable   And but for the promptitude of that best of
creatures   said Mrs  Markleham  telegraphing the Doctor as before 
and refolding the letter   it would be insupportable to me to think
of  

Mr  Wickfield said not one word  though the old lady looked to him
as if for his commentary on this intelligence  but sat severely
silent  with his eyes fixed on the ground   Long after the subject
was dismissed  and other topics occupied us  he remained so  seldom
raising his eyes  unless to rest them for a moment  with a
thoughtful frown  upon the Doctor  or his wife  or both 

The Doctor was very fond of music   Agnes sang with great sweetness
and expression  and so did Mrs  Strong   They sang together  and
played duets together  and we had quite a little concert   But I
remarked two things  first  that though Annie soon recovered her
composure  and was quite herself  there was a blank between her and
Mr  Wickfield which separated them wholly from each other 
secondly  that Mr  Wickfield seemed to dislike the intimacy between
her and Agnes  and to watch it with uneasiness   And now  I must
confess  the recollection of what I had seen on that night when Mr 
Maldon went away  first began to return upon me with a meaning it
had never had  and to trouble me   The innocent beauty of her face
was not as innocent to me as it had been  I mistrusted the natural
grace and charm of her manner  and when I looked at Agnes by her
side  and thought how good and true Agnes was  suspicions arose
within me that it was an ill assorted friendship 

She was so happy in it herself  however  and the other was so happy
too  that they made the evening fly away as if it were but an hour 
It closed in an incident which I well remember   They were taking
leave of each other  and Agnes was going to embrace her and kiss
her  when Mr  Wickfield stepped between them  as if by accident 
and drew Agnes quickly away   Then I saw  as though all the
intervening time had been cancelled  and I were still standing in
the doorway on the night of the departure  the expression of that
night in the face of Mrs  Strong  as it confronted his 

I cannot say what an impression this made upon me  or how
impossible I found it  when I thought of her afterwards  to
separate her from this look  and remember her face in its innocent
loveliness again   It haunted me when I got home   I seemed to have
left the Doctor s roof with a dark cloud lowering on it   The
reverence that I had for his grey head  was mingled with
commiseration for his faith in those who were treacherous to him 
and with resentment against those who injured him   The impending
shadow of a great affliction  and a great disgrace that had no
distinct form in it yet  fell like a stain upon the quiet place
where I had worked and played as a boy  and did it a cruel wrong 
I had no pleasure in thinking  any more  of the grave old
broad leaved aloe trees  which remained shut up in themselves a
hundred years together  and of the trim smooth grass plot  and the
stone urns  and the Doctor s walk  and the congenial sound of the
Cathedral bell hovering above them all   It was as if the tranquil
sanctuary of my boyhood had been sacked before my face  and its
peace and honour given to the winds 

But morning brought with it my parting from the old house  which
Agnes had filled with her influence  and that occupied my mind
sufficiently   I should be there again soon  no doubt  I might
sleep again   perhaps often   in my old room  but the days of my
inhabiting there were gone  and the old time was past   I was
heavier at heart when I packed up such of my books and clothes as
still remained there to be sent to Dover  than I cared to show to
Uriah Heep  who was so officious to help me  that I uncharitably
thought him mighty glad that I was going 

I got away from Agnes and her father  somehow  with an indifferent
show of being very manly  and took my seat upon the box of the
London coach   I was so softened and forgiving  going through the
town  that I had half a mind to nod to my old enemy the butcher 
and throw him five shillings to drink   But he looked such a very
obdurate butcher as he stood scraping the great block in the shop 
and moreover  his appearance was so little improved by the loss of
a front tooth which I had knocked out  that I thought it best to
make no advances 

The main object on my mind  I remember  when we got fairly on the
road  was to appear as old as possible to the coachman  and to
speak extremely gruff   The latter point I achieved at great
personal inconvenience  but I stuck to it  because I felt it was a
grown up sort of thing 

 You are going through  sir   said the coachman 

 Yes  William   I said  condescendingly  I knew him    I am going
to London   I shall go down into Suffolk afterwards  

 Shooting  sir   said the coachman 

He knew as well as I did that it was just as likely  at that time
of year  I was going down there whaling  but I felt complimented 
too 

 I don t know   I said  pretending to be undecided   whether I
shall take a shot or not  
 Birds is got wery shy  I m told   said William 

 So I understand   said I 

 Is Suffolk your county  sir   asked William 

 Yes   I said  with some importance    Suffolk s my county  

 I m told the dumplings is uncommon fine down there   said William 

I was not aware of it myself  but I felt it necessary to uphold the
institutions of my county  and to evince a familiarity with them 
so I shook my head  as much as to say   I believe you  

 And the Punches   said William    There s cattle   A Suffolk
Punch  when he s a good un  is worth his weight in gold   Did you
ever breed any Suffolk Punches yourself  sir  

 N no   I said   not exactly  

 Here s a gen lm n behind me  I ll pound it   said William   as has
bred  em by wholesale  

The gentleman spoken of was a gentleman with a very unpromising
squint  and a prominent chin  who had a tall white hat on with a
narrow flat brim  and whose close fitting drab trousers seemed to
button all the way up outside his legs from his boots to his hips 
His chin was cocked over the coachman s shoulder  so near to me 
that his breath quite tickled the back of my head  and as I looked
at him  he leered at the leaders with the eye with which he didn t
squint  in a very knowing manner 

 Ain t you   asked William 

 Ain t I what   said the gentleman behind 

 Bred them Suffolk Punches by wholesale  

 I should think so   said the gentleman    There ain t no sort of
orse that I ain t bred  and no sort of dorg   Orses and dorgs is
some men s fancy   They re wittles and drink to me   lodging  wife 
and children   reading  writing  and Arithmetic   snuff  tobacker 
and sleep  

 That ain t a sort of man to see sitting behind a coach box  is it
though   said William in my ear  as he handled the reins 

I construed this remark into an indication of a wish that he should
have my place  so I blushingly offered to resign it 

 Well  if you don t mind  sir   said William   I think it would be
more correct  

I have always considered this as the first fall I had in life 
When I booked my place at the coach office I had had  Box Seat 
written against the entry  and had given the book keeper
half a crown   I was got up in a special great coat and shawl 
expressly to do honour to that distinguished eminence  had
glorified myself upon it a good deal  and had felt that I was a
credit to the coach   And here  in the very first stage  I was
supplanted by a shabby man with a squint  who had no other merit
than smelling like a livery stables  and being able to walk across
me  more like a fly than a human being  while the horses were at a
canter 

A distrust of myself  which has often beset me in life on small
occasions  when it would have been better away  was assuredly not
stopped in its growth by this little incident outside the
Canterbury coach   It was in vain to take refuge in gruffness of
speech   I spoke from the pit of my stomach for the rest of the
journey  but I felt completely extinguished  and dreadfully young 

It was curious and interesting  nevertheless  to be sitting up
there behind four horses  well educated  well dressed  and with
plenty of money in my pocket  and to look out for the places where
I had slept on my weary journey   I had abundant occupation for my
thoughts  in every conspicuous landmark on the road   When I looked
down at the trampers whom we passed  and saw that well remembered
style of face turned up  I felt as if the tinker s blackened hand
were in the bosom of my shirt again   When we clattered through the
narrow street of Chatham  and I caught a glimpse  in passing  of
the lane where the old monster lived who had bought my jacket  I
stretched my neck eagerly to look for the place where I had sat  in
the sun and in the shade  waiting for my money   When we came  at
last  within a stage of London  and passed the veritable Salem
House where Mr  Creakle had laid about him with a heavy hand  I
would have given all I had  for lawful permission to get down and
thrash him  and let all the boys out like so many caged sparrows 

We went to the Golden Cross at Charing Cross  then a mouldy sort of
establishment in a close neighbourhood   A waiter showed me into
the coffee room  and a chambermaid introduced me to my small
bedchamber  which smelt like a hackney coach  and was shut up like
a family vault   I was still painfully conscious of my youth  for
nobody stood in any awe of me at all  the chambermaid being utterly
indifferent to my opinions on any subject  and the waiter being
familiar with me  and offering advice to my inexperience 

 Well now   said the waiter  in a tone of confidence   what would
you like for dinner   Young gentlemen likes poultry in general 
have a fowl  

I told him  as majestically as I could  that I wasn t in the humour
for a fowl 

 Ain t you   said the waiter    Young gentlemen is generally tired
of beef and mutton  have a weal cutlet  

I assented to this proposal  in default of being able to suggest
anything else 

 Do you care for taters   said the waiter  with an insinuating
smile  and his head on one side    Young gentlemen generally has
been overdosed with taters  

I commanded him  in my deepest voice  to order a veal cutlet and
potatoes  and all things fitting  and to inquire at the bar if
there were any letters for Trotwood Copperfield  Esquire   which I
knew there were not  and couldn t be  but thought it manly to
appear to expect 

He soon came back to say that there were none  at which I was much
surprised  and began to lay the cloth for my dinner in a box by the
fire   While he was so engaged  he asked me what I would take with
it  and on my replying  Half a pint of sherry  thought it a
favourable opportunity  I am afraid  to extract that measure of
wine from the stale leavings at the bottoms of several small
decanters   I am of this opinion  because  while I was reading the
newspaper  I observed him behind a low wooden partition  which was
his private apartment  very busy pouring out of a number of those
vessels into one  like a chemist and druggist making up a
prescription   When the wine came  too  I thought it flat  and it
certainly had more English crumbs in it  than were to be expected
in a foreign wine in anything like a pure state  but I was bashful
enough to drink it  and say nothing 

Being then in a pleasant frame of mind  from which I infer that
poisoning is not always disagreeable in some stages of the
process   I resolved to go to the play   It was Covent Garden
Theatre that I chose  and there  from the back of a centre box  I
saw Julius Caesar and the new Pantomime   To have all those noble
Romans alive before me  and walking in and out for my
entertainment  instead of being the stern taskmasters they had been
at school  was a most novel and delightful effect   But the mingled
reality and mystery of the whole show  the influence upon me of the
poetry  the lights  the music  the company  the smooth stupendous
changes of glittering and brilliant scenery  were so dazzling  and
opened up such illimitable regions of delight  that when I came out
into the rainy street  at twelve o clock at night  I felt as if I
had come from the clouds  where I had been leading a romantic life
for ages  to a bawling  splashing  link lighted 
umbrella struggling  hackney coach jostling  patten clinking 
muddy  miserable world 

I had emerged by another door  and stood in the street for a little
while  as if I really were a stranger upon earth  but the
unceremonious pushing and hustling that I received  soon recalled
me to myself  and put me in the road back to the hotel  whither I
went  revolving the glorious vision all the way  and where  after
some porter and oysters  I sat revolving it still  at past one
o clock  with my eyes on the coffee room fire 

I was so filled with the play  and with the past   for it was  in
a manner  like a shining transparency  through which I saw my
earlier life moving along   that I don t know when the figure of a
handsome well formed young man dressed with a tasteful easy
negligence which I have reason to remember very well  became a real
presence to me   But I recollect being conscious of his company
without having noticed his coming in   and my still sitting 
musing  over the coffee room fire 

At last I rose to go to bed  much to the relief of the sleepy
waiter  who had got the fidgets in his legs  and was twisting them 
and hitting them  and putting them through all kinds of contortions
in his small pantry   In going towards the door  I passed the
person who had come in  and saw him plainly   I turned directly 
came back  and looked again   He did not know me  but I knew him in
a moment 

At another time I might have wanted the confidence or the decision
to speak to him  and might have put it off until next day  and
might have lost him   But  in the then condition of my mind  where
the play was still running high  his former protection of me
appeared so deserving of my gratitude  and my old love for him
overflowed my breast so freshly and spontaneously  that I went up
to him at once  with a fast beating heart  and said 

 Steerforth  won t you speak to me  

He looked at me   just as he used to look  sometimes  but I saw no
recognition in his face 

 You don t remember me  I am afraid   said I 

 My God   he suddenly exclaimed    It s little Copperfield  

I grasped him by both hands  and could not let them go   But for
very shame  and the fear that it might displease him  I could have
held him round the neck and cried 

 I never  never  never was so glad   My dear Steerforth  I am so
overjoyed to see you  

 And I am rejoiced to see you  too   he said  shaking my hands
heartily    Why  Copperfield  old boy  don t be overpowered   And
yet he was glad  too  I thought  to see how the delight I had in
meeting him affected me 

I brushed away the tears that my utmost resolution had not been
able to keep back  and I made a clumsy laugh of it  and we sat down
together  side by side 

 Why  how do you come to be here   said Steerforth  clapping me on
the shoulder 

 I came here by the Canterbury coach  today   I have been adopted
by an aunt down in that part of the country  and have just finished
my education there   How do YOU come to be here  Steerforth  

 Well  I am what they call an Oxford man   he returned   that is to
say  I get bored to death down there  periodically   and I am on my
way now to my mother s   You re a devilish amiable looking fellow 
Copperfield   Just what you used to be  now I look at you   Not
altered in the least  

 I knew you immediately   I said   but you are more easily
remembered  

He laughed as he ran his hand through the clustering curls of his
hair  and said gaily 

 Yes  I am on an expedition of duty   My mother lives a little way
out of town  and the roads being in a beastly condition  and our
house tedious enough  I remained here tonight instead of going on 
I have not been in town half a dozen hours  and those I have been
dozing and grumbling away at the play  

 I have been at the play  too   said I    At Covent Garden   What
a delightful and magnificent entertainment  Steerforth  

Steerforth laughed heartily 

 My dear young Davy   he said  clapping me on the shoulder again 
 you are a very Daisy   The daisy of the field  at sunrise  is not
fresher than you are   I have been at Covent Garden  too  and there
never was a more miserable business   Holloa  you sir  

This was addressed to the waiter  who had been very attentive to
our recognition  at a distance  and now came forward deferentially 

 Where have you put my friend  Mr  Copperfield   said Steerforth 

 Beg your pardon  sir  

 Where does he sleep   What s his number   You know what I mean  
said Steerforth 

 Well  sir   said the waiter  with an apologetic air    Mr 
Copperfield is at present in forty four  sir  

 And what the devil do you mean   retorted Steerforth   by putting
Mr  Copperfield into a little loft over a stable  

 Why  you see we wasn t aware  sir   returned the waiter  still
apologetically   as Mr  Copperfield was anyways particular   We can
give Mr  Copperfield seventy two  sir  if it would be preferred 
Next you  sir  

 Of course it would be preferred   said Steerforth    And do it at
once  
The waiter immediately withdrew to make the exchange   Steerforth 
very much amused at my having been put into forty four  laughed
again  and clapped me on the shoulder again  and invited me to
breakfast with him next morning at ten o clock   an invitation I
was only too proud and happy to accept   It being now pretty late 
we took our candles and went upstairs  where we parted with
friendly heartiness at his door  and where I found my new room a
great improvement on my old one  it not being at all musty  and
having an immense four post bedstead in it  which was quite a
little landed estate   Here  among pillows enough for six  I soon
fell asleep in a blissful condition  and dreamed of ancient Rome 
Steerforth  and friendship  until the early morning coaches 
rumbling out of the archway underneath  made me dream of thunder
and the gods 



CHAPTER   
STEERFORTH S HOME


When the chambermaid tapped at my door at eight o clock  and
informed me that my shaving water was outside  I felt severely the
having no occasion for it  and blushed in my bed   The suspicion
that she laughed too  when she said it  preyed upon my mind all the
time I was dressing  and gave me  I was conscious  a sneaking and
guilty air when I passed her on the staircase  as I was going down
to breakfast   I was so sensitively aware  indeed  of being younger
than I could have wished  that for some time I could not make up my
mind to pass her at all  under the ignoble circumstances of the
case  but  hearing her there with a broom  stood peeping out of
window at King Charles on horseback  surrounded by a maze of
hackney coaches  and looking anything but regal in a drizzling rain
and a dark brown fog  until I was admonished by the waiter that the
gentleman was waiting for me 

It was not in the coffee room that I found Steerforth expecting me 
but in a snug private apartment  red curtained and Turkey carpeted 
where the fire burnt bright  and a fine hot breakfast was set forth
on a table covered with a clean cloth  and a cheerful miniature of
the room  the fire  the breakfast  Steerforth  and all  was shining
in the little round mirror over the sideboard   I was rather
bashful at first  Steerforth being so self possessed  and elegant 
and superior to me in all respects  age included   but his easy
patronage soon put that to rights  and made me quite at home   I
could not enough admire the change he had wrought in the Golden
Cross  or compare the dull forlorn state I had held yesterday  with
this morning s comfort and this morning s entertainment   As to the
waiter s familiarity  it was quenched as if it had never been   He
attended on us  as I may say  in sackcloth and ashes 

 Now  Copperfield   said Steerforth  when we were alone   I should
like to hear what you are doing  and where you are going  and all
about you   I feel as if you were my property  
Glowing with pleasure to find that he had still this interest in
me  I told him how my aunt had proposed the little expedition that
I had before me  and whither it tended 

 As you are in no hurry  then   said Steerforth   come home with me
to Highgate  and stay a day or two   You will be pleased with my
mother   she is a little vain and prosy about me  but that you can
forgive her   and she will be pleased with you  

 I should like to be as sure of that  as you are kind enough to say
you are   I answered  smiling 

 Oh   said Steerforth   everyone who likes me  has a claim on her
that is sure to be acknowledged  

 Then I think I shall be a favourite   said I 

 Good   said Steerforth    Come and prove it   We will go and see
the lions for an hour or two   it s something to have a fresh
fellow like you to show them to  Copperfield   and then we ll
journey out to Highgate by the coach  

I could hardly believe but that I was in a dream  and that I should
wake presently in number forty four  to the solitary box in the
coffee room and the familiar waiter again   After I had written to
my aunt and told her of my fortunate meeting with my admired old
schoolfellow  and my acceptance of his invitation  we went out in
a hackney chariot  and saw a Panorama and some other sights  and
took a walk through the Museum  where I could not help observing
how much Steerforth knew  on an infinite variety of subjects  and
of how little account he seemed to make his knowledge 

 You ll take a high degree at college  Steerforth   said I   if you
have not done so already  and they will have good reason to be
proud of you  

 I take a degree   cried Steerforth    Not I  my dear Daisy   will
you mind my calling you Daisy  

 Not at all   said I 

 That s a good fellow   My dear Daisy   said Steerforth  laughing 
 I have not the least desire or intention to distinguish myself in
that way   I have done quite sufficient for my purpose   I find
that I am heavy company enough for myself as I am  

 But the fame    I was beginning 

 You romantic Daisy   said Steerforth  laughing still more
heartily   why should I trouble myself  that a parcel of
heavy headed fellows may gape and hold up their hands   Let them do
it at some other man   There s fame for him  and he s welcome to
it  

I was abashed at having made so great a mistake  and was glad to
change the subject   Fortunately it was not difficult to do  for
Steerforth could always pass from one subject to another with a
carelessness and lightness that were his own 

Lunch succeeded to our sight seeing  and the short winter day wore
away so fast  that it was dusk when the stage coach stopped with us
at an old brick house at Highgate on the summit of the hill   An
elderly lady  though not very far advanced in years  with a proud
carriage and a handsome face  was in the doorway as we alighted 
and greeting Steerforth as  My dearest James   folded him in her
arms   To this lady he presented me as his mother  and she gave me
a stately welcome 

It was a genteel old fashioned house  very quiet and orderly   From
the windows of my room I saw all London lying in the distance like
a great vapour  with here and there some lights twinkling through
it   I had only time  in dressing  to glance at the solid
furniture  the framed pieces of work  done  I supposed  by
Steerforth s mother when she was a girl   and some pictures in
crayons of ladies with powdered hair and bodices  coming and going
on the walls  as the newly kindled fire crackled and sputtered 
when I was called to dinner 

There was a second lady in the dining room  of a slight short
figure  dark  and not agreeable to look at  but with some
appearance of good looks too  who attracted my attention  perhaps
because I had not expected to see her  perhaps because I found
myself sitting opposite to her  perhaps because of something really
remarkable in her   She had black hair and eager black eyes  and
was thin  and had a scar upon her lip   It was an old scar   I
should rather call it seam  for it was not discoloured  and had
healed years ago   which had once cut through her mouth  downward
towards the chin  but was now barely visible across the table 
except above and on her upper lip  the shape of which it had
altered   I concluded in my own mind that she was about thirty
years of age  and that she wished to be married   She was a little
dilapidated   like a house   with having been so long to let  yet
had  as I have said  an appearance of good looks   Her thinness
seemed to be the effect of some wasting fire within her  which
found a vent in her gaunt eyes 

She was introduced as Miss Dartle  and both Steerforth and his
mother called her Rosa   I found that she lived there  and had been
for a long time Mrs  Steerforth s companion   It appeared to me
that she never said anything she wanted to say  outright  but
hinted it  and made a great deal more of it by this practice   For
example  when Mrs  Steerforth observed  more in jest than earnest 
that she feared her son led but a wild life at college  Miss Dartle
put in thus 

 Oh  really   You know how ignorant I am  and that I only ask for
information  but isn t it always so   I thought that kind of life
was on all hands understood to be   eh  
 It is education for a very grave profession  if you mean that 
Rosa   Mrs  Steerforth answered with some coldness 

 Oh   Yes   That s very true   returned Miss Dartle    But isn t
it  though    I want to be put right  if I am wrong   isn t it 
really  

 Really what   said Mrs  Steerforth 

 Oh   You mean it s not   returned Miss Dartle    Well  I m very
glad to hear it   Now  I know what to do   That s the advantage of
asking   I shall never allow people to talk before me about
wastefulness and profligacy  and so forth  in connexion with that
life  any more  

 And you will be right   said Mrs  Steerforth    My son s tutor is
a conscientious gentleman  and if I had not implicit reliance on my
son  I should have reliance on him  

 Should you   said Miss Dartle    Dear me   Conscientious  is he 
Really conscientious  now  

 Yes  I am convinced of it   said Mrs  Steerforth 

 How very nice   exclaimed Miss Dartle    What a comfort   Really
conscientious   Then he s not   but of course he can t be  if he s
really conscientious   Well  I shall be quite happy in my opinion
of him  from this time   You can t think how it elevates him in my
opinion  to know for certain that he s really conscientious  

Her own views of every question  and her correction of everything
that was said to which she was opposed  Miss Dartle insinuated in
the same way  sometimes  I could not conceal from myself  with
great power  though in contradiction even of Steerforth   An
instance happened before dinner was done   Mrs  Steerforth speaking
to me about my intention of going down into Suffolk  I said at
hazard how glad I should be  if Steerforth would only go there with
me  and explaining to him that I was going to see my old nurse  and
Mr  Peggotty s family  I reminded him of the boatman whom he had
seen at school 

 Oh   That bluff fellow   said Steerforth    He had a son with him 
hadn t he  

 No   That was his nephew   I replied   whom he adopted  though  as
a son   He has a very pretty little niece too  whom he adopted as
a daughter   In short  his house   or rather his boat  for he lives
in one  on dry land   is full of people who are objects of his
generosity and kindness   You would be delighted to see that
household  

 Should I   said Steerforth    Well  I think I should   I must see
what can be done   It would be worth a journey  not to mention the
pleasure of a journey with you  Daisy   to see that sort of people
together  and to make one of  em  

My heart leaped with a new hope of pleasure   But it was in
reference to the tone in which he had spoken of  that sort of
people   that Miss Dartle  whose sparkling eyes had been watchful
of us  now broke in again 

 Oh  but  really   Do tell me   Are they  though   she said 

 Are they what   And are who what   said Steerforth 

 That sort of people     Are they really animals and clods  and
beings of another order   I want to know SO much  

 Why  there s a pretty wide separation between them and us   said
Steerforth  with indifference    They are not to be expected to be
as sensitive as we are   Their delicacy is not to be shocked  or
hurt easily   They are wonderfully virtuous  I dare say   some
people contend for that  at least  and I am sure I don t want to
contradict them   but they have not very fine natures  and they may
be thankful that  like their coarse rough skins  they are not
easily wounded  

 Really   said Miss Dartle    Well  I don t know  now  when I have
been better pleased than to hear that   It s so consoling   It s
such a delight to know that  when they suffer  they don t feel 
Sometimes I have been quite uneasy for that sort of people  but now
I shall just dismiss the idea of them  altogether   Live and learn 
I had my doubts  I confess  but now they re cleared up   I didn t
know  and now I do know  and that shows the advantage of asking  
don t it  

I believed that Steerforth had said what he had  in jest  or to
draw Miss Dartle out  and I expected him to say as much when she
was gone  and we two were sitting before the fire   But he merely
asked me what I thought of her 

 She is very clever  is she not   I asked 

 Clever   She brings everything to a grindstone   said Steerforth 
and sharpens it  as she has sharpened her own face and figure these
years past   She has worn herself away by constant sharpening   She
is all edge  

 What a remarkable scar that is upon her lip   I said 

Steerforth s face fell  and he paused a moment 

 Why  the fact is   he returned   I did that  

 By an unfortunate accident  

 No   I was a young boy  and she exasperated me  and I threw a
hammer at her   A promising young angel I must have been  
I was deeply sorry to have touched on such a painful theme  but
that was useless now 

 She has borne the mark ever since  as you see   said Steerforth 
 and she ll bear it to her grave  if she ever rests in one   though
I can hardly believe she will ever rest anywhere   She was the
motherless child of a sort of cousin of my father s   He died one
day   My mother  who was then a widow  brought her here to be
company to her   She has a couple of thousand pounds of her own 
and saves the interest of it every year  to add to the principal 
There s the history of Miss Rosa Dartle for you  

 And I have no doubt she loves you like a brother   said I 

 Humph   retorted Steerforth  looking at the fire    Some brothers
are not loved over much  and some love   but help yourself 
Copperfield   We ll drink the daisies of the field  in compliment
to you  and the lilies of the valley that toil not  neither do they
spin  in compliment to me   the more shame for me   A moody smile
that had overspread his features cleared off as he said this
merrily  and he was his own frank  winning self again 

I could not help glancing at the scar with a painful interest when
we went in to tea   It was not long before I observed that it was
the most susceptible part of her face  and that  when she turned
pale  that mark altered first  and became a dull  lead coloured
streak  lengthening out to its full extent  like a mark in
invisible ink brought to the fire   There was a little altercation
between her and Steerforth about a cast of the dice at back gammon
  when I thought her  for one moment  in a storm of rage  and then
I saw it start forth like the old writing on the wall 

It was no matter of wonder to me to find Mrs  Steerforth devoted to
her son   She seemed to be able to speak or think about nothing
else   She showed me his picture as an infant  in a locket  with
some of his baby hair in it  she showed me his picture as he had
been when I first knew him  and she wore at her breast his picture
as he was now   All the letters he had ever written to her  she
kept in a cabinet near her own chair by the fire  and she would
have read me some of them  and I should have been very glad to hear
them too  if he had not interposed  and coaxed her out of the
design 

 It was at Mr  Creakle s  my son tells me  that you first became
acquainted   said Mrs  Steerforth  as she and I were talking at one
table  while they played backgammon at another    Indeed  I
recollect his speaking  at that time  of a pupil younger than
himself who had taken his fancy there  but your name  as you may
suppose  has not lived in my memory  

 He was very generous and noble to me in those days  I assure you 
ma am   said I   and I stood in need of such a friend   I should
have been quite crushed without him  

 He is always generous and noble   said Mrs  Steerforth  proudly 

I subscribed to this with all my heart  God knows   She knew I did 
for the stateliness of her manner already abated towards me  except
when she spoke in praise of him  and then her air was always lofty 

 It was not a fit school generally for my son   said she   far from
it  but there were particular circumstances to be considered at the
time  of more importance even than that selection   My son s high
spirit made it desirable that he should be placed with some man who
felt its superiority  and would be content to bow himself before
it  and we found such a man there  

I knew that  knowing the fellow   And yet I did not despise him the
more for it  but thought it a redeeming quality in him if he could
be allowed any grace for not resisting one so irresistible as
Steerforth 

 My son s great capacity was tempted on  there  by a feeling of
voluntary emulation and conscious pride   the fond lady went on to
say    He would have risen against all constraint  but he found
himself the monarch of the place  and he haughtily determined to be
worthy of his station   It was like himself  

I echoed  with all my heart and soul  that it was like himself 

 So my son took  of his own will  and on no compulsion  to the
course in which he can always  when it is his pleasure  outstrip
every competitor   she pursued    My son informs me  Mr 
Copperfield  that you were quite devoted to him  and that when you
met yesterday you made yourself known to him with tears of joy   I
should be an affected woman if I made any pretence of being
surprised by my son s inspiring such emotions  but I cannot be
indifferent to anyone who is so sensible of his merit  and I am
very glad to see you here  and can assure you that he feels an
unusual friendship for you  and that you may rely on his
protection  

Miss Dartle played backgammon as eagerly as she did everything
else   If I had seen her  first  at the board  I should have
fancied that her figure had got thin  and her eyes had got large 
over that pursuit  and no other in the world   But I am very much
mistaken if she missed a word of this  or lost a look of mine as I
received it with the utmost pleasure  and honoured by Mrs 
Steerforth s confidence  felt older than I had done since I left
Canterbury 

When the evening was pretty far spent  and a tray of glasses and
decanters came in  Steerforth promised  over the fire  that he
would seriously think of going down into the country with me 
There was no hurry  he said  a week hence would do  and his mother
hospitably said the same   While we were talking  he more than once
called me Daisy  which brought Miss Dartle out again 

 But really  Mr  Copperfield   she asked   is it a nickname   And
why does he give it you   Is it   eh    because he thinks you young
and innocent   I am so stupid in these things  

I coloured in replying that I believed it was 

 Oh   said Miss Dartle    Now I am glad to know that   I ask for
information  and I am glad to know it   He thinks you young and
innocent  and so you are his friend   Well  that s quite
delightful  

She went to bed soon after this  and Mrs  Steerforth retired too 
Steerforth and I  after lingering for half an hour over the fire 
talking about Traddles and all the rest of them at old Salem House 
went upstairs together   Steerforth s room was next to mine  and I
went in to look at it   It was a picture of comfort  full of
easy chairs  cushions and footstools  worked by his mother s hand 
and with no sort of thing omitted that could help to render it
complete   Finally  her handsome features looked down on her
darling from a portrait on the wall  as if it were even something
to her that her likeness should watch him while he slept 

I found the fire burning clear enough in my room by this time  and
the curtains drawn before the windows and round the bed  giving it
a very snug appearance   I sat down in a great chair upon the
hearth to meditate on my happiness  and had enjoyed the
contemplation of it for some time  when I found a likeness of Miss
Dartle looking eagerly at me from above the chimney piece 

It was a startling likeness  and necessarily had a startling look 
The painter hadn t made the scar  but I made it  and there it was 
coming and going  now confined to the upper lip as I had seen it at
dinner  and now showing the whole extent of the wound inflicted by
the hammer  as I had seen it when she was passionate 

I wondered peevishly why they couldn t put her anywhere else
instead of quartering her on me   To get rid of her  I undressed
quickly  extinguished my light  and went to bed   But  as I fell
asleep  I could not forget that she was still there looking   Is it
really  though   I want to know   and when I awoke in the night  I
found that I was uneasily asking all sorts of people in my dreams
whether it really was or not   without knowing what I meant 



CHAPTER   
LITTLE EM LY


There was a servant in that house  a man who  I understood  was
usually with Steerforth  and had come into his service at the
University  who was in appearance a pattern of respectability   I
believe there never existed in his station a more
respectable looking man   He was taciturn  soft footed  very quiet
in his manner  deferential  observant  always at hand when wanted 
and never near when not wanted  but his great claim to
consideration was his respectability   He had not a pliant face  he
had rather a stiff neck  rather a tight smooth head with short hair
clinging to it at the sides  a soft way of speaking  with a
peculiar habit of whispering the letter S so distinctly  that he
seemed to use it oftener than any other man  but every peculiarity
that he had he made respectable   If his nose had been upside down 
he would have made that respectable   He surrounded himself with an
atmosphere of respectability  and walked secure in it   It would
have been next to impossible to suspect him of anything wrong  he
was so thoroughly respectable   Nobody could have thought of
putting him in a livery  he was so highly respectable   To have
imposed any derogatory work upon him  would have been to inflict a
wanton insult on the feelings of a most respectable man   And of
this  I noticed  the women servants in the household were so
intuitively conscious  that they always did such work themselves 
and generally while he read the paper by the pantry fire 

Such a self contained man I never saw   But in that quality  as in
every other he possessed  he only seemed to be the more
respectable   Even the fact that no one knew his Christian name 
seemed to form a part of his respectability   Nothing could be
objected against his surname  Littimer  by which he was known 
Peter might have been hanged  or Tom transported  but Littimer was
perfectly respectable 

It was occasioned  I suppose  by the reverend nature of
respectability in the abstract  but I felt particularly young in
this man s presence   How old he was himself  I could not guess  
and that again went to his credit on the same score  for in the
calmness of respectability he might have numbered fifty years as
well as thirty 

Littimer was in my room in the morning before I was up  to bring me
that reproachful shaving water  and to put out my clothes   When I
undrew the curtains and looked out of bed  I saw him  in an equable
temperature of respectability  unaffected by the east wind of
January  and not even breathing frostily  standing my boots right
and left in the first dancing position  and blowing specks of dust
off my coat as he laid it down like a baby 

I gave him good morning  and asked him what o clock it was   He
took out of his pocket the most respectable hunting watch I ever
saw  and preventing the spring with his thumb from opening far 
looked in at the face as if he were consulting an oracular oyster 
shut it up again  and said  if I pleased  it was half past eight 

 Mr  Steerforth will be glad to hear how you have rested  sir  

 Thank you   said I   very well indeed   Is Mr  Steerforth quite
well  

 Thank you  sir  Mr  Steerforth is tolerably well    Another of his
characteristics   no use of superlatives   A cool calm medium
always 

 Is there anything more I can have the honour of doing for you 
sir   The warning bell will ring at nine  the family take breakfast
at half past nine  

 Nothing  I thank you  

 I thank YOU  sir  if you please   and with that  and with a little
inclination of his head when he passed the bed side  as an apology
for correcting me  he went out  shutting the door as delicately as
if I had just fallen into a sweet sleep on which my life depended 

Every morning we held exactly this conversation  never any more 
and never any less  and yet  invariably  however far I might have
been lifted out of myself over night  and advanced towards maturer
years  by Steerforth s companionship  or Mrs  Steerforth s
confidence  or Miss Dartle s conversation  in the presence of this
most respectable man I became  as our smaller poets sing   a boy
again  

He got horses for us  and Steerforth  who knew everything  gave me
lessons in riding   He provided foils for us  and Steerforth gave
me lessons in fencing   gloves  and I began  of the same master  to
improve in boxing   It gave me no manner of concern that Steerforth
should find me a novice in these sciences  but I never could bear
to show my want of skill before the respectable Littimer   I had no
reason to believe that Littimer understood such arts himself  he
never led me to suppose anything of the kind  by so much as the
vibration of one of his respectable eyelashes  yet whenever he was
by  while we were practising  I felt myself the greenest and most
inexperienced of mortals 

I am particular about this man  because he made a particular effect
on me at that time  and because of what took place thereafter 

The week passed away in a most delightful manner   It passed
rapidly  as may be supposed  to one entranced as I was  and yet it
gave me so many occasions for knowing Steerforth better  and
admiring him more in a thousand respects  that at its close I
seemed to have been with him for a much longer time   A dashing way
he had of treating me like a plaything  was more agreeable to me
than any behaviour he could have adopted   It reminded me of our
old acquaintance  it seemed the natural sequel of it  it showed me
that he was unchanged  it relieved me of any uneasiness I might
have felt  in comparing my merits with his  and measuring my claims
upon his friendship by any equal standard  above all  it was a
familiar  unrestrained  affectionate demeanour that he used towards
no one else   As he had treated me at school differently from all
the rest  I joyfully believed that he treated me in life unlike any
other friend he had   I believed that I was nearer to his heart
than any other friend  and my own heart warmed with attachment to
him 
He made up his mind to go with me into the country  and the day
arrived for our departure   He had been doubtful at first whether
to take Littimer or not  but decided to leave him at home   The
respectable creature  satisfied with his lot whatever it was 
arranged our portmanteaux on the little carriage that was to take
us into London  as if they were intended to defy the shocks of
ages  and received my modestly proffered donation with perfect
tranquillity 

We bade adieu to Mrs  Steerforth and Miss Dartle  with many thanks
on my part  and much kindness on the devoted mother s   The last
thing I saw was Littimer s unruffled eye  fraught  as I fancied 
with the silent conviction that I was very young indeed 

What I felt  in returning so auspiciously to the old familiar
places  I shall not endeavour to describe   We went down by the
Mail   I was so concerned  I recollect  even for the honour of
Yarmouth  that when Steerforth said  as we drove through its dark
streets to the inn  that  as well as he could make out  it was a
good  queer  out of the way kind of hole  I was highly pleased   We
went to bed on our arrival  I observed a pair of dirty shoes and
gaiters in connexion with my old friend the Dolphin as we passed
that door   and breakfasted late in the morning   Steerforth  who
was in great spirits  had been strolling about the beach before I
was up  and had made acquaintance  he said  with half the boatmen
in the place   Moreover  he had seen  in the distance  what he was
sure must be the identical house of Mr  Peggotty  with smoke coming
out of the chimney  and had had a great mind  he told me  to walk
in and swear he was myself grown out of knowledge 

 When do you propose to introduce me there  Daisy   he said    I am
at your disposal   Make your own arrangements  

 Why  I was thinking that this evening would be a good time 
Steerforth  when they are all sitting round the fire   I should
like you to see it when it s snug  it s such a curious place  

 So be it   returned Steerforth    This evening  

 I shall not give them any notice that we are here  you know   said
I  delighted    We must take them by surprise  

 Oh  of course   It s no fun   said Steerforth   unless we take
them by surprise   Let us see the natives in their aboriginal
condition  

 Though they ARE that sort of people that you mentioned   I
returned 

 Aha   What  you recollect my skirmishes with Rosa  do you   he
exclaimed with a quick look    Confound the girl  I am half afraid
of her   She s like a goblin to me   But never mind her   Now what
are you going to do   You are going to see your nurse  I suppose  

 Why  yes   I said   I must see Peggotty first of all  

 Well   replied Steerforth  looking at his watch    Suppose I
deliver you up to be cried over for a couple of hours   Is that
long enough  

I answered  laughing  that I thought we might get through it in
that time  but that he must come also  for he would find that his
renown had preceded him  and that he was almost as great a
personage as I was 

 I ll come anywhere you like   said Steerforth   or do anything you
like   Tell me where to come to  and in two hours I ll produce
myself in any state you please  sentimental or comical  

I gave him minute directions for finding the residence of Mr 
Barkis  carrier to Blunderstone and elsewhere  and  on this
understanding  went out alone   There was a sharp bracing air  the
ground was dry  the sea was crisp and clear  the sun was diffusing
abundance of light  if not much warmth  and everything was fresh
and lively   I was so fresh and lively myself  in the pleasure of
being there  that I could have stopped the people in the streets
and shaken hands with them 

The streets looked small  of course   The streets that we have only
seen as children always do  I believe  when we go back to them 
But I had forgotten nothing in them  and found nothing changed 
until I came to Mr  Omer s shop   OMER AND Joram was now written
up  where OMER used to be  but the inscription  DRAPER  TAILOR 
HABERDASHER  FUNERAL FURNISHER   c   remained as it was 

My footsteps seemed to tend so naturally to the shop door  after I
had read these words from over the way  that I went across the road
and looked in   There was a pretty woman at the back of the shop 
dancing a little child in her arms  while another little fellow
clung to her apron   I had no difficulty in recognizing either
Minnie or Minnie s children   The glass door of the parlour was not
open  but in the workshop across the yard I could faintly hear the
old tune playing  as if it had never left off 

 Is Mr  Omer at home   said I  entering    I should like to see
him  for a moment  if he is  

 Oh yes  sir  he is at home   said Minnie   the weather don t suit
his asthma out of doors   Joe  call your grandfather  

The little fellow  who was holding her apron  gave such a lusty
shout  that the sound of it made him bashful  and he buried his
face in her skirts  to her great admiration   I heard a heavy
puffing and blowing coming towards us  and soon Mr  Omer 
shorter winded than of yore  but not much older looking  stood
before me 

 Servant  sir   said Mr  Omer    What can I do for you  sir  
 You can shake hands with me  Mr  Omer  if you please   said I 
putting out my own    You were very good natured to me once  when
I am afraid I didn t show that I thought so  

 Was I though   returned the old man    I m glad to hear it  but I
don t remember when   Are you sure it was me  

 Quite  

 I think my memory has got as short as my breath   said Mr  Omer 
looking at me and shaking his head   for I don t remember you  

 Don t you remember your coming to the coach to meet me  and my
having breakfast here  and our riding out to Blunderstone together 
you  and I  and Mrs  Joram  and Mr  Joram too   who wasn t her
husband then  

 Why  Lord bless my soul   exclaimed Mr  Omer  after being thrown
by his surprise into a fit of coughing   you don t say so   Minnie 
my dear  you recollect   Dear me  yes  the party was a lady  I
think  

 My mother   I rejoined 

 To   be   sure   said Mr  Omer  touching my waistcoat with his
forefinger   and there was a little child too   There was two
parties   The little party was laid along with the other party 
Over at Blunderstone it was  of course   Dear me   And how have you
been since  

Very well  I thanked him  as I hoped he had been too 

 Oh  nothing to grumble at  you know   said Mr  Omer    I find my
breath gets short  but it seldom gets longer as a man gets older 
I take it as it comes  and make the most of it   That s the best
way  ain t it  

Mr  Omer coughed again  in consequence of laughing  and was
assisted out of his fit by his daughter  who now stood close beside
us  dancing her smallest child on the counter 

 Dear me   said Mr  Omer    Yes  to be sure   Two parties   Why  in
that very ride  if you ll believe me  the day was named for my
Minnie to marry Joram    Do name it  sir   says Joram    Yes  do 
father   says Minnie   And now he s come into the business   And
look here   The youngest  

Minnie laughed  and stroked her banded hair upon her temples  as
her father put one of his fat fingers into the hand of the child
she was dancing on the counter 

 Two parties  of course   said Mr  Omer  nodding his head
retrospectively    Ex actly so   And Joram s at work  at this
minute  on a grey one with silver nails  not this measurement   
the measurement of the dancing child upon the counter    by a good
two inches     Will you take something  

I thanked him  but declined 

 Let me see   said Mr  Omer    Barkis s the carrier s wife  
Peggotty s the boatman s sister   she had something to do with your
family   She was in service there  sure  

My answering in the affirmative gave him great satisfaction 

 I believe my breath will get long next  my memory s getting so
much so   said Mr  Omer    Well  sir  we ve got a young relation of
hers here  under articles to us  that has as elegant a taste in the
dress making business   I assure you I don t believe there s a
Duchess in England can touch her  

 Not little Em ly   said I  involuntarily 

 Em ly s her name   said Mr  Omer   and she s little too   But if
you ll believe me  she has such a face of her own that half the
women in this town are mad against her  

 Nonsense  father   cried Minnie 

 My dear   said Mr  Omer   I don t say it s the case with you  
winking at me   but I say that half the women in Yarmouth   ah  and
in five mile round   are mad against that girl  

 Then she should have kept to her own station in life  father  
said Minnie   and not have given them any hold to talk about her 
and then they couldn t have done it  

 Couldn t have done it  my dear   retorted Mr  Omer    Couldn t
have done it   Is that YOUR knowledge of life   What is there that
any woman couldn t do  that she shouldn t do   especially on the
subject of another woman s good looks  

I really thought it was all over with Mr  Omer  after he had
uttered this libellous pleasantry   He coughed to that extent  and
his breath eluded all his attempts to recover it with that
obstinacy  that I fully expected to see his head go down behind the
counter  and his little black breeches  with the rusty little
bunches of ribbons at the knees  come quivering up in a last
ineffectual struggle   At length  however  he got better  though he
still panted hard  and was so exhausted that he was obliged to sit
on the stool of the shop desk 

 You see   he said  wiping his head  and breathing with difficulty 
 she hasn t taken much to any companions here  she hasn t taken
kindly to any particular acquaintances and friends  not to mention
sweethearts   In consequence  an ill natured story got about  that
Em ly wanted to be a lady   Now my opinion is  that it came into
circulation principally on account of her sometimes saying  at the
school  that if she was a lady she would like to do so and so for
her uncle   don t you see    and buy him such and such fine
things  

 I assure you  Mr  Omer  she has said so to me   I returned
eagerly   when we were both children  

Mr  Omer nodded his head and rubbed his chin    Just so   Then out
of a very little  she could dress herself  you see  better than
most others could out of a deal  and that made things unpleasant 
Moreover  she was rather what might be called wayward   I ll go so
far as to say what I should call wayward myself   said Mr  Omer    
didn t know her own mind quite   a little spoiled   and couldn t 
at first  exactly bind herself down   No more than that was ever
said against her  Minnie  

 No  father   said Mrs  Joram    That s the worst  I believe  

 So when she got a situation   said Mr  Omer   to keep a fractious
old lady company  they didn t very well agree  and she didn t stop 
At last she came here  apprenticed for three years   Nearly two of
 em are over  and she has been as good a girl as ever was   Worth
any six   Minnie  is she worth any six  now  

 Yes  father   replied Minnie    Never say I detracted from her  

 Very good   said Mr  Omer    That s right   And so  young
gentleman   he added  after a few moments  further rubbing of his
chin   that you may not consider me long winded as well as
short breathed  I believe that s all about it  

As they had spoken in a subdued tone  while speaking of Em ly  I
had no doubt that she was near   On my asking now  if that were not
so  Mr  Omer nodded yes  and nodded towards the door of the
parlour   My hurried inquiry if I might peep in  was answered with
a free permission  and  looking through the glass  I saw her
sitting at her work   I saw her  a most beautiful little creature 
with the cloudless blue eyes  that had looked into my childish
heart  turned laughingly upon another child of Minnie s who was
playing near her  with enough of wilfulness in her bright face to
justify what I had heard  with much of the old capricious coyness
lurking in it  but with nothing in her pretty looks  I am sure  but
what was meant for goodness and for happiness  and what was on a
good and happy course 

The tune across the yard that seemed as if it never had left off  
alas  it was the tune that never DOES leave off   was beating 
softly  all the while 

 Wouldn t you like to step in   said Mr  Omer   and speak to her 
Walk in and speak to her  sir   Make yourself at home  

I was too bashful to do so then   I was afraid of confusing her 
and I was no less afraid of confusing myself   but I informed
myself of the hour at which she left of an evening  in order that
our visit might be timed accordingly  and taking leave of Mr  Omer 
and his pretty daughter  and her little children  went away to my
dear old Peggotty s 

Here she was  in the tiled kitchen  cooking dinner   The moment I
knocked at the door she opened it  and asked me what I pleased to
want   I looked at her with a smile  but she gave me no smile in
return   I had never ceased to write to her  but it must have been
seven years since we had met 

 Is Mr  Barkis at home  ma am   I said  feigning to speak roughly
to her 

 He s at home  sir   returned Peggotty   but he s bad abed with the
rheumatics  

 Don t he go over to Blunderstone now   I asked 

 When he s well he do   she answered 

 Do YOU ever go there  Mrs  Barkis  

She looked at me more attentively  and I noticed a quick movement
of her hands towards each other 

 Because I want to ask a question about a house there  that they
call the   what is it    the Rookery   said I 

She took a step backward  and put out her hands in an undecided
frightened way  as if to keep me off 

 Peggotty   I cried to her 

She cried   My darling boy   and we both burst into tears  and were
locked in one another s arms 

What extravagances she committed  what laughing and crying over me 
what pride she showed  what joy  what sorrow that she whose pride
and joy I might have been  could never hold me in a fond embrace 
I have not the heart to tell   I was troubled with no misgiving
that it was young in me to respond to her emotions   I had never
laughed and cried in all my life  I dare say   not even to her  
more freely than I did that morning 

 Barkis will be so glad   said Peggotty  wiping her eyes with her
apron   that it ll do him more good than pints of liniment   May I
go and tell him you are here   Will you come up and see him  my
dear  

Of course I would   But Peggotty could not get out of the room as
easily as she meant to  for as often as she got to the door and
looked round at me  she came back again to have another laugh and
another cry upon my shoulder   At last  to make the matter easier 
I went upstairs with her  and having waited outside for a minute 
while she said a word of preparation to Mr  Barkis  presented
myself before that invalid 

He received me with absolute enthusiasm   He was too rheumatic to
be shaken hands with  but he begged me to shake the tassel on the
top of his nightcap  which I did most cordially   When I sat down
by the side of the bed  he said that it did him a world of good to
feel as if he was driving me on the Blunderstone road again   As he
lay in bed  face upward  and so covered  with that exception  that
he seemed to be nothing but a face   like a conventional cherubim
  he looked the queerest object I ever beheld 

 What name was it  as I wrote up in the cart  sir   said Mr 
Barkis  with a slow rheumatic smile 

 Ah  Mr  Barkis  we had some grave talks about that matter  hadn t
we  

 I was willin  a long time  sir   said Mr  Barkis 

 A long time   said I 

 And I don t regret it   said Mr  Barkis    Do you remember what
you told me once  about her making all the apple parsties and doing
all the cooking  

 Yes  very well   I returned 

 It was as true   said Mr  Barkis   as turnips is   It was as
true   said Mr  Barkis  nodding his nightcap  which was his only
means of emphasis   as taxes is   And nothing s truer than them  

Mr  Barkis turned his eyes upon me  as if for my assent to this
result of his reflections in bed  and I gave it 

 Nothing s truer than them   repeated Mr  Barkis   a man as poor as
I am  finds that out in his mind when he s laid up   I m a very
poor man  sir  

 I am sorry to hear it  Mr  Barkis  

 A very poor man  indeed I am   said Mr  Barkis 

Here his right hand came slowly and feebly from under the
bedclothes  and with a purposeless uncertain grasp took hold of a
stick which was loosely tied to the side of the bed   After some
poking about with this instrument  in the course of which his face
assumed a variety of distracted expressions  Mr  Barkis poked it
against a box  an end of which had been visible to me all the time 
Then his face became composed 

 Old clothes   said Mr  Barkis 

 Oh   said I 

 I wish it was Money  sir   said Mr  Barkis 

 I wish it was  indeed   said I 

 But it AIN T   said Mr  Barkis  opening both his eyes as wide as
he possibly could 

I expressed myself quite sure of that  and Mr  Barkis  turning his
eyes more gently to his wife  said 

 She s the usefullest and best of women  C  P   Barkis   All the
praise that anyone can give to C  P   Barkis  she deserves  and
more  My dear  you ll get a dinner today  for company  something
good to eat and drink  will you  

I should have protested against this unnecessary demonstration in
my honour  but that I saw Peggotty  on the opposite side of the
bed  extremely anxious I should not   So I held my peace 

 I have got a trifle of money somewhere about me  my dear   said
Mr  Barkis   but I m a little tired   If you and Mr  David will
leave me for a short nap  I ll try and find it when I wake  

We left the room  in compliance with this request   When we got
outside the door  Peggotty informed me that Mr  Barkis  being now
 a little nearer  than he used to be  always resorted to this same
device before producing a single coin from his store  and that he
endured unheard of agonies in crawling out of bed alone  and taking
it from that unlucky box   In effect  we presently heard him
uttering suppressed groans of the most dismal nature  as this
magpie proceeding racked him in every joint  but while Peggotty s
eyes were full of compassion for him  she said his generous impulse
would do him good  and it was better not to check it   So he
groaned on  until he had got into bed again  suffering  I have no
doubt  a martyrdom  and then called us in  pretending to have just
woke up from a refreshing sleep  and to produce a guinea from under
his pillow   His satisfaction in which happy imposition on us  and
in having preserved the impenetrable secret of the box  appeared to
be a sufficient compensation to him for all his tortures 

I prepared Peggotty for Steerforth s arrival and it was not long
before he came   I am persuaded she knew no difference between his
having been a personal benefactor of hers  and a kind friend to me 
and that she would have received him with the utmost gratitude and
devotion in any case   But his easy  spirited good humour  his
genial manner  his handsome looks  his natural gift of adapting
himself to whomsoever he pleased  and making direct  when he cared
to do it  to the main point of interest in anybody s heart  bound
her to him wholly in five minutes   His manner to me  alone  would
have won her   But  through all these causes combined  I sincerely
believe she had a kind of adoration for him before he left the
house that night 

He stayed there with me to dinner   if I were to say willingly  I
should not half express how readily and gaily   He went into Mr 
Barkis s room like light and air  brightening and refreshing it as
if he were healthy weather   There was no noise  no effort  no
consciousness  in anything he did  but in everything an
indescribable lightness  a seeming impossibility of doing anything
else  or doing anything better  which was so graceful  so natural 
and agreeable  that it overcomes me  even now  in the remembrance 

We made merry in the little parlour  where the Book of Martyrs 
unthumbed since my time  was laid out upon the desk as of old  and
where I now turned over its terrific pictures  remembering the old
sensations they had awakened  but not feeling them   When Peggotty
spoke of what she called my room  and of its being ready for me at
night  and of her hoping I would occupy it  before I could so much
as look at Steerforth  hesitating  he was possessed of the whole
case 

 Of course   he said    You ll sleep here  while we stay  and I
shall sleep at the hotel  

 But to bring you so far   I returned   and to separate  seems bad
companionship  Steerforth  

 Why  in the name of Heaven  where do you naturally belong   he
said    What is  seems   compared to that    It was settled at
once 

He maintained all his delightful qualities to the last  until we
started forth  at eight o clock  for Mr  Peggotty s boat   Indeed 
they were more and more brightly exhibited as the hours went on 
for I thought even then  and I have no doubt now  that the
consciousness of success in his determination to please  inspired
him with a new delicacy of perception  and made it  subtle as it
was  more easy to him   If anyone had told me  then  that all this
was a brilliant game  played for the excitement of the moment  for
the employment of high spirits  in the thoughtless love of
superiority  in a mere wasteful careless course of winning what was
worthless to him  and next minute thrown away   I say  if anyone
had told me such a lie that night  I wonder in what manner of
receiving it my indignation would have found a vent   Probably only
in an increase  had that been possible  of the romantic feelings of
fidelity and friendship with which I walked beside him  over the
dark wintry sands towards the old boat  the wind sighing around us
even more mournfully  than it had sighed and moaned upon the night
when I first darkened Mr  Peggotty s door 

 This is a wild kind of place  Steerforth  is it not  

 Dismal enough in the dark   he said   and the sea roars as if it
were hungry for us   Is that the boat  where I see a light yonder  
 That s the boat   said I 

 And it s the same I saw this morning   he returned    I came
straight to it  by instinct  I suppose  

We said no more as we approached the light  but made softly for the
door   I laid my hand upon the latch  and whispering Steerforth to
keep close to me  went in 

A murmur of voices had been audible on the outside  and  at the
moment of our entrance  a clapping of hands  which latter noise  I
was surprised to see  proceeded from the generally disconsolate
Mrs  Gummidge   But Mrs  Gummidge was not the only person there who
was unusually excited   Mr  Peggotty  his face lighted up with
uncommon satisfaction  and laughing with all his might  held his
rough arms wide open  as if for little Em ly to run into them  Ham 
with a mixed expression in his face of admiration  exultation  and
a lumbering sort of bashfulness that sat upon him very well  held
little Em ly by the hand  as if he were presenting her to Mr 
Peggotty  little Em ly herself  blushing and shy  but delighted
with Mr  Peggotty s delight  as her joyous eyes expressed  was
stopped by our entrance  for she saw us first  in the very act of
springing from Ham to nestle in Mr  Peggotty s embrace   In the
first glimpse we had of them all  and at the moment of our passing
from the dark cold night into the warm light room  this was the way
in which they were all employed  Mrs  Gummidge in the background 
clapping her hands like a madwoman 

The little picture was so instantaneously dissolved by our going
in  that one might have doubted whether it had ever been   I was in
the midst of the astonished family  face to face with Mr  Peggotty 
and holding out my hand to him  when Ham shouted 

 Mas r Davy   It s Mas r Davy  

In a moment we were all shaking hands with one another  and asking
one another how we did  and telling one another how glad we were to
meet  and all talking at once   Mr  Peggotty was so proud and
overjoyed to see us  that he did not know what to say or do  but
kept over and over again shaking hands with me  and then with
Steerforth  and then with me  and then ruffling his shaggy hair all
over his head  and laughing with such glee and triumph  that it was
a treat to see him 

 Why  that you two gent lmen   gent lmen growed   should come to
this here roof tonight  of all nights in my life   said Mr 
Peggotty   is such a thing as never happened afore  I do rightly
believe   Em ly  my darling  come here   Come here  my little
witch   There s Mas r Davy s friend  my dear   There s the
gent lman as you ve heerd on  Em ly   He comes to see you  along
with Mas r Davy  on the brightest night of your uncle s life as
ever was or will be  Gorm the t other one  and horroar for it  

After delivering this speech all in a breath  and with
extraordinary animation and pleasure  Mr  Peggotty put one of his
large hands rapturously on each side of his niece s face  and
kissing it a dozen times  laid it with a gentle pride and love upon
his broad chest  and patted it as if his hand had been a lady s 
Then he let her go  and as she ran into the little chamber where I
used to sleep  looked round upon us  quite hot and out of breath
with his uncommon satisfaction 

 If you two gent lmen   gent lmen growed now  and such gent lmen   
said Mr  Peggotty 

 So th  are  so th  are   cried Ham    Well said   So th  are 
Mas r Davy bor    gent lmen growed   so th  are  

 If you two gent lmen  gent lmen growed   said Mr  Peggotty   don t
ex cuse me for being in a state of mind  when you understand
matters  I ll arks your pardon   Em ly  my dear    She knows I m a
going to tell   here his delight broke out again   and has made
off   Would you be so good as look arter her  Mawther  for a
minute  

Mrs  Gummidge nodded and disappeared 

 If this ain t   said Mr  Peggotty  sitting down among us by the
fire   the brightest night o  my life  I m a shellfish   biled too
  and more I can t say   This here little Em ly  sir   in a low
voice to Steerforth     her as you see a blushing here just now   

Steerforth only nodded  but with such a pleased expression of
interest  and of participation in Mr  Peggotty s feelings  that the
latter answered him as if he had spoken 

 To be sure   said Mr  Peggotty    That s her  and so she is 
Thankee  sir  

Ham nodded to me several times  as if he would have said so too 

 This here little Em ly of ours   said Mr  Peggotty   has been  in
our house  what I suppose  I m a ignorant man  but that s my
belief  no one but a little bright eyed creetur can be in a house 
She ain t my child  I never had one  but I couldn t love her more 
You understand   I couldn t do it  

 I quite understand   said Steerforth 

 I know you do  sir   returned Mr  Peggotty   and thankee again 
Mas r Davy  he can remember what she was  you may judge for your
own self what she is  but neither of you can t fully know what she
has been  is  and will be  to my loving art   I am rough  sir  
said Mr  Peggotty   I am as rough as a Sea Porkypine  but no one 
unless  mayhap  it is a woman  can know  I think  what our little
Em ly is to me   And betwixt ourselves   sinking his voice lower
yet   that woman s name ain t Missis Gummidge neither  though she
has a world of merits  
Mr  Peggotty ruffled his hair again  with both hands  as a further
preparation for what he was going to say  and went on  with a hand
upon each of his knees 

 There was a certain person as had know d our Em ly  from the time
when her father was drownded  as had seen her constant  when a
babby  when a young gal  when a woman   Not much of a person to
look at  he warn t   said Mr  Peggotty   something o  my own build
  rough   a good deal o  the sou  wester in him   wery salt   but 
on the whole  a honest sort of a chap  with his art in the right
place  

I thought I had never seen Ham grin to anything like the extent to
which he sat grinning at us now 

 What does this here blessed tarpaulin go and do   said Mr 
Peggotty  with his face one high noon of enjoyment   but he loses
that there art of his to our little Em ly   He follers her about 
he makes hisself a sort o  servant to her  he loses in a great
measure his relish for his wittles  and in the long run he makes it
clear to me wot s amiss   Now I could wish myself  you see  that
our little Em ly was in a fair way of being married   I could wish
to see her  at all ewents  under articles to a honest man as had a
right to defend her   I don t know how long I may live  or how soon
I may die  but I know that if I was capsized  any night  in a gale
of wind in Yarmouth Roads here  and was to see the town lights
shining for the last time over the rollers as I couldn t make no
head against  I could go down quieter for thinking  There s a man
ashore there  iron true to my little Em ly  God bless her  and no
wrong can touch my Em ly while so be as that man lives   

Mr  Peggotty  in simple earnestness  waved his right arm  as if he
were waving it at the town lights for the last time  and then 
exchanging a nod with Ham  whose eye he caught  proceeded as
before 

 Well  I counsels him to speak to Em ly   He s big enough  but he s
bashfuller than a little un  and he don t like   So I speak 
 What   Him   says Em ly    Him that I ve know d so intimate so
many years  and like so much   Oh  Uncle   I never can have him 
He s such a good fellow   I gives her a kiss  and I says no more to
her than   My dear  you re right to speak out  you re to choose for
yourself  you re as free as a little bird   Then I aways to him 
and I says   I wish it could have been so  but it can t   But you
can both be as you was  and wot I say to you is  Be as you was with
her  like a man   He says to me  a shaking of my hand   I will   he
says   And he was   honourable and manful   for two year going on 
and we was just the same at home here as afore  

Mr  Peggotty s face  which had varied in its expression with the
various stages of his narrative  now resumed all its former
triumphant delight  as he laid a hand upon my knee and a hand upon
Steerforth s  previously wetting them both  for the greater
emphasis of the action   and divided the following speech between
us 

 All of a sudden  one evening   as it might be tonight   comes
little Em ly from her work  and him with her   There ain t so much
in that  you ll say   No  because he takes care on her  like a
brother  arter dark  and indeed afore dark  and at all times   But
this tarpaulin chap  he takes hold of her hand  and he cries out to
me  joyful   Look here   This is to be my little wife   And she
says  half bold and half shy  and half a laughing and half a
crying   Yes  Uncle   If you please     If I please   cried Mr 
Peggotty  rolling his head in an ecstasy at the idea   Lord  as if
I should do anythink else     If you please  I am steadier now  and
I have thought better of it  and I ll be as good a little wife as
I can to him  for he s a dear  good fellow   Then Missis Gummidge 
she claps her hands like a play  and you come in   Theer  the
murder s out   said Mr  Peggotty    You come in   It took place
this here present hour  and here s the man that ll marry her  the
minute she s out of her time  

Ham staggered  as well he might  under the blow Mr  Peggotty dealt
him in his unbounded joy  as a mark of confidence and friendship 
but feeling called upon to say something to us  he said  with much
faltering and great difficulty 

 She warn t no higher than you was  Mas r Davy   when you first
come   when I thought what she d grow up to be   I see her grown up
  gent lmen   like a flower   I d lay down my life for her   Mas r
Davy   Oh  most content and cheerful   She s more to me   gent lmen
  than   she s all to me that ever I can want  and more than ever
I   than ever I could say   I   I love her true   There ain t a
gent lman in all the land   nor yet sailing upon all the sea   that
can love his lady more than I love her  though there s many a
common man   would say better   what he meant  

I thought it affecting to see such a sturdy fellow as Ham was now 
trembling in the strength of what he felt for the pretty little
creature who had won his heart   I thought the simple confidence
reposed in us by Mr  Peggotty and by himself  was  in itself 
affecting   I was affected by the story altogether   How far my
emotions were influenced by the recollections of my childhood  I
don t know   Whether I had come there with any lingering fancy that
I was still to love little Em ly  I don t know   I know that I was
filled with pleasure by all this  but  at first  with an
indescribably sensitive pleasure  that a very little would have
changed to pain 

Therefore  if it had depended upon me to touch the prevailing chord
among them with any skill  I should have made a poor hand of it 
But it depended upon Steerforth  and he did it with such address 
that in a few minutes we were all as easy and as happy as it was
possible to be 

 Mr  Peggotty   he said   you are a thoroughly good fellow  and
deserve to be as happy as you are tonight   My hand upon it   Ham 
I give you joy  my boy   My hand upon that  too   Daisy  stir the
fire  and make it a brisk one  and Mr  Peggotty  unless you can
induce your gentle niece to come back  for whom I vacate this seat
in the corner   I shall go   Any gap at your fireside on such a
night   such a gap least of all   I wouldn t make  for the wealth
of the Indies  

So Mr  Peggotty went into my old room to fetch little Em ly   At
first little Em ly didn t like to come  and then Ham went 
Presently they brought her to the fireside  very much confused  and
very shy    but she soon became more assured when she found how
gently and respectfully Steerforth spoke to her  how skilfully he
avoided anything that would embarrass her  how he talked to Mr 
Peggotty of boats  and ships  and tides  and fish  how he referred
to me about the time when he had seen Mr  Peggotty at Salem House 
how delighted he was with the boat and all belonging to it  how
lightly and easily he carried on  until he brought us  by degrees 
into a charmed circle  and we were all talking away without any
reserve 

Em ly  indeed  said little all the evening  but she looked  and
listened  and her face got animated  and she was charming 
Steerforth told a story of a dismal shipwreck  which arose out of
his talk with Mr  Peggotty   as if he saw it all before him   and
little Em ly s eyes were fastened on him all the time  as if she
saw it too   He told us a merry adventure of his own  as a relief
to that  with as much gaiety as if the narrative were as fresh to
him as it was to us   and little Em ly laughed until the boat rang
with the musical sounds  and we all laughed  Steerforth too   in
irresistible sympathy with what was so pleasant and light hearted 
He got Mr  Peggotty to sing  or rather to roar   When the stormy
winds do blow  do blow  do blow   and he sang a sailor s song
himself  so pathetically and beautifully  that I could have almost
fancied that the real wind creeping sorrowfully round the house 
and murmuring low through our unbroken silence  was there to
listen 

As to Mrs  Gummidge  he roused that victim of despondency with a
success never attained by anyone else  so Mr  Peggotty informed
me   since the decease of the old one   He left her so little
leisure for being miserable  that she said next day she thought she
must have been bewitched 

But he set up no monopoly of the general attention  or the
conversation   When little Em ly grew more courageous  and talked
 but still bashfully  across the fire to me  of our old wanderings
upon the beach  to pick up shells and pebbles  and when I asked her
if she recollected how I used to be devoted to her  and when we
both laughed and reddened  casting these looks back on the pleasant
old times  so unreal to look at now  he was silent and attentive 
and observed us thoughtfully   She sat  at this time  and all the
evening  on the old locker in her old little corner by the fire  
Ham beside her  where I used to sit   I could not satisfy myself
whether it was in her own little tormenting way  or in a maidenly
reserve before us  that she kept quite close to the wall  and away
from him  but I observed that she did so  all the evening 

As I remember  it was almost midnight when we took our leave   We
had had some biscuit and dried fish for supper  and Steerforth had
produced from his pocket a full flask of Hollands  which we men  I
may say we men  now  without a blush  had emptied   We parted
merrily  and as they all stood crowded round the door to light us
as far as they could upon our road  I saw the sweet blue eyes of
little Em ly peeping after us  from behind Ham  and heard her soft
voice calling to us to be careful how we went 

 A most engaging little Beauty   said Steerforth  taking my arm 
 Well   It s a quaint place  and they are quaint company  and it s
quite a new sensation to mix with them  

 How fortunate we are  too   I returned   to have arrived to
witness their happiness in that intended marriage   I never saw
people so happy   How delightful to see it  and to be made the
sharers in their honest joy  as we have been  

 That s rather a chuckle headed fellow for the girl  isn t he  
said Steerforth 

He had been so hearty with him  and with them all  that I felt a
shock in this unexpected and cold reply   But turning quickly upon
him  and seeing a laugh in his eyes  I answered  much relieved 

 Ah  Steerforth   It s well for you to joke about the poor   You
may skirmish with Miss Dartle  or try to hide your sympathies in
jest from me  but I know better   When I see how perfectly you
understand them  how exquisitely you can enter into happiness like
this plain fisherman s  or humour a love like my old nurse s  I
know that there is not a joy or sorrow  not an emotion  of such
people  that can be indifferent to you   And I admire and love you
for it  Steerforth  twenty times the more  

He stopped  and  looking in my face  said   Daisy  I believe you
are in earnest  and are good   I wish we all were   Next moment he
was gaily singing Mr  Peggotty s song  as we walked at a round pace
back to Yarmouth 



CHAPTER   
SOME OLD SCENES  AND SOME NEW PEOPLE


Steerforth and I stayed for more than a fortnight in that part of
the country   We were very much together  I need not say  but
occasionally we were asunder for some hours at a time   He was a
good sailor  and I was but an indifferent one  and when he went out
boating with Mr  Peggotty  which was a favourite amusement of his 
I generally remained ashore   My occupation of Peggotty s
spare room put a constraint upon me  from which he was free  for 
knowing how assiduously she attended on Mr  Barkis all day  I did
not like to remain out late at night  whereas Steerforth  lying at
the Inn  had nothing to consult but his own humour   Thus it came
about  that I heard of his making little treats for the fishermen
at Mr  Peggotty s house of call   The Willing Mind   after I was in
bed  and of his being afloat  wrapped in fishermen s clothes  whole
moonlight nights  and coming back when the morning tide was at
flood   By this time  however  I knew that his restless nature and
bold spirits delighted to find a vent in rough toil and hard
weather  as in any other means of excitement that presented itself
freshly to him  so none of his proceedings surprised me 

Another cause of our being sometimes apart  was  that I had
naturally an interest in going over to Blunderstone  and revisiting
the old familiar scenes of my childhood  while Steerforth  after
being there once  had naturally no great interest in going there
again   Hence  on three or four days that I can at once recall  we
went our several ways after an early breakfast  and met again at a
late dinner   I had no idea how he employed his time in the
interval  beyond a general knowledge that he was very popular in
the place  and had twenty means of actively diverting himself where
another man might not have found one 

For my own part  my occupation in my solitary pilgrimages was to
recall every yard of the old road as I went along it  and to haunt
the old spots  of which I never tired   I haunted them  as my
memory had often done  and lingered among them as my younger
thoughts had lingered when I was far away   The grave beneath the
tree  where both my parents lay   on which I had looked out  when
it was my father s only  with such curious feelings of compassion 
and by which I had stood  so desolate  when it was opened to
receive my pretty mother and her baby   the grave which Peggotty s
own faithful care had ever since kept neat  and made a garden of 
I walked near  by the hour   It lay a little off the churchyard
path  in a quiet corner  not so far removed but I could read the
names upon the stone as I walked to and fro  startled by the sound
of the church bell when it struck the hour  for it was like a
departed voice to me   My reflections at these times were always
associated with the figure I was to make in life  and the
distinguished things I was to do   My echoing footsteps went to no
other tune  but were as constant to that as if I had come home to
build my castles in the air at a living mother s side 

There were great changes in my old home   The ragged nests  so long
deserted by the rooks  were gone  and the trees were lopped and
topped out of their remembered shapes   The garden had run wild 
and half the windows of the house were shut up   It was occupied 
but only by a poor lunatic gentleman  and the people who took care
of him   He was always sitting at my little window  looking out
into the churchyard  and I wondered whether his rambling thoughts
ever went upon any of the fancies that used to occupy mine  on the
rosy mornings when I peeped out of that same little window in my
night clothes  and saw the sheep quietly feeding in the light of
the rising sun 

Our old neighbours  Mr  and Mrs  Grayper  were gone to South
America  and the rain had made its way through the roof of their
empty house  and stained the outer walls   Mr  Chillip was married
again to a tall  raw boned  high nosed wife  and they had a weazen
little baby  with a heavy head that it couldn t hold up  and two
weak staring eyes  with which it seemed to be always wondering why
it had ever been born 

It was with a singular jumble of sadness and pleasure that I used
to linger about my native place  until the reddening winter sun
admonished me that it was time to start on my returning walk   But 
when the place was left behind  and especially when Steerforth and
I were happily seated over our dinner by a blazing fire  it was
delicious to think of having been there   So it was  though in a
softened degree  when I went to my neat room at night  and  turning
over the leaves of the crocodile book  which was always there  upon
a little table   remembered with a grateful heart how blest I was
in having such a friend as Steerforth  such a friend as Peggotty 
and such a substitute for what I had lost as my excellent and
generous aunt 

MY nearest way to Yarmouth  in coming back from these long walks 
was by a ferry   It landed me on the flat between the town and the
sea  which I could make straight across  and so save myself a
considerable circuit by the high road   Mr  Peggotty s house being
on that waste place  and not a hundred yards out of my track  I
always looked in as I went by   Steerforth was pretty sure to be
there expecting me  and we went on together through the frosty air
and gathering fog towards the twinkling lights of the town 

One dark evening  when I was later than usual   for I had  that
day  been making my parting visit to Blunderstone  as we were now
about to return home   I found him alone in Mr  Peggotty s house 
sitting thoughtfully before the fire   He was so intent upon his
own reflections that he was quite unconscious of my approach 
This  indeed  he might easily have been if he had been less
absorbed  for footsteps fell noiselessly on the sandy ground
outside  but even my entrance failed to rouse him   I was standing
close to him  looking at him  and still  with a heavy brow  he was
lost in his meditations 

He gave such a start when I put my hand upon his shoulder  that he
made me start too 

 You come upon me   he said  almost angrily   like a reproachful
ghost  

 I was obliged to announce myself  somehow   I replied    Have I
called you down from the stars  

 No   he answered    No  

 Up from anywhere  then   said I  taking my seat near him 

 I was looking at the pictures in the fire   he returned 

 But you are spoiling them for me   said I  as he stirred it
quickly with a piece of burning wood  striking out of it a train of
red hot sparks that went careering up the little chimney  and
roaring out into the air 

 You would not have seen them   he returned    I detest this
mongrel time  neither day nor night   How late you are   Where have
you been  

 I have been taking leave of my usual walk   said I 

 And I have been sitting here   said Steerforth  glancing round the
room   thinking that all the people we found so glad on the night
of our coming down  might   to judge from the present wasted air of
the place   be dispersed  or dead  or come to I don t know what
harm   David  I wish to God I had had a judicious father these last
twenty years  

 My dear Steerforth  what is the matter  

 I wish with all my soul I had been better guided   he exclaimed 
 I wish with all my soul I could guide myself better  

There was a passionate dejection in his manner that quite amazed
me   He was more unlike himself than I could have supposed
possible 

 It would be better to be this poor Peggotty  or his lout of a
nephew   he said  getting up and leaning moodily against the
chimney piece  with his face towards the fire   than to be myself 
twenty times richer and twenty times wiser  and be the torment to
myself that I have been  in this Devil s bark of a boat  within the
last half hour  

I was so confounded by the alteration in him  that at first I could
only observe him in silence  as he stood leaning his head upon his
hand  and looking gloomily down at the fire   At length I begged
him  with all the earnestness I felt  to tell me what had occurred
to cross him so unusually  and to let me sympathize with him  if I
could not hope to advise him   Before I had well concluded  he
began to laugh   fretfully at first  but soon with returning
gaiety 

 Tut  it s nothing  Daisy  nothing   he replied    I told you at
the inn in London  I am heavy company for myself  sometimes   I
have been a nightmare to myself  just now   must have had one  I
think   At odd dull times  nursery tales come up into the memory 
unrecognized for what they are   I believe I have been confounding
myself with the bad boy who  didn t care   and became food for
lions   a grander kind of going to the dogs  I suppose   What old
women call the horrors  have been creeping over me from head to
foot   I have been afraid of myself  

 You are afraid of nothing else  I think   said I 

 Perhaps not  and yet may have enough to be afraid of too   he
answered    Well   So it goes by   I am not about to be hipped
again  David  but I tell you  my good fellow  once more  that it
would have been well for me  and for more than me  if I had had a
steadfast and judicious father  

His face was always full of expression  but I never saw it express
such a dark kind of earnestness as when he said these words  with
his glance bent on the fire 

 So much for that   he said  making as if he tossed something light
into the air  with his hand     Why  being gone  I am a man again  
like Macbeth   And now for dinner   If I have not  Macbeth like 
broken up the feast with most admired disorder  Daisy  

 But where are they all  I wonder   said I 

 God knows   said Steerforth    After strolling to the ferry
looking for you  I strolled in here and found the place deserted 
That set me thinking  and you found me thinking  

The advent of Mrs  Gummidge with a basket  explained how the house
had happened to be empty   She had hurried out to buy something
that was needed  against Mr  Peggotty s return with the tide  and
had left the door open in the meanwhile  lest Ham and little Em ly 
with whom it was an early night  should come home while she was
gone   Steerforth  after very much improving Mrs  Gummidge s
spirits by a cheerful salutation and a jocose embrace  took my arm 
and hurried me away 

He had improved his own spirits  no less than Mrs  Gummidge s  for
they were again at their usual flow  and he was full of vivacious
conversation as we went along 

 And so   he said  gaily   we abandon this buccaneer life tomorrow 
do we  

 So we agreed   I returned    And our places by the coach are
taken  you know  

 Ay  there s no help for it  I suppose   said Steerforth    I have
almost forgotten that there is anything to do in the world but to
go out tossing on the sea here   I wish there was not  

 As long as the novelty should last   said I  laughing 

 Like enough   he returned   though there s a sarcastic meaning in
that observation for an amiable piece of innocence like my young
friend   Well  I dare say I am a capricious fellow  David   I know
I am  but while the iron is hot  I can strike it vigorously too 
I could pass a reasonably good examination already  as a pilot in
these waters  I think  

 Mr  Peggotty says you are a wonder   I returned 

 A nautical phenomenon  eh   laughed Steerforth 

 Indeed he does  and you know how truly  I know how ardent you are
in any pursuit you follow  and how easily you can master it   And
that amazes me most in you  Steerforth  that you should be
contented with such fitful uses of your powers  

 Contented   he answered  merrily    I am never contented  except
with your freshness  my gentle Daisy   As to fitfulness  I have
never learnt the art of binding myself to any of the wheels on
which the Ixions of these days are turning round and round   I
missed it somehow in a bad apprenticeship  and now don t care about
it     You know I have bought a boat down here  

 What an extraordinary fellow you are  Steerforth   I exclaimed 
stopping   for this was the first I had heard of it    When you may
never care to come near the place again  

 I don t know that   he returned    I have taken a fancy to the
place   At all events   walking me briskly on   I have bought a
boat that was for sale   a clipper  Mr  Peggotty says  and so she
is   and Mr  Peggotty will be master of her in my absence  

 Now I understand you  Steerforth   said I  exultingly    You
pretend to have bought it for yourself  but you have really done so
to confer a benefit on him   I might have known as much at first 
knowing you   My dear kind Steerforth  how can I tell you what I
think of your generosity  

 Tush   he answered  turning red    The less said  the better  

 Didn t I know   cried I   didn t I say that there was not a joy 
or sorrow  or any emotion of such honest hearts that was
indifferent to you  

 Aye  aye   he answered   you told me all that   There let it rest 
We have said enough  

Afraid of offending him by pursuing the subject when he made so
light of it  I only pursued it in my thoughts as we went on at even
a quicker pace than before 

 She must be newly rigged   said Steerforth   and I shall leave
Littimer behind to see it done  that I may know she is quite
complete   Did I tell you Littimer had come down  

 No  

 Oh yes  came down this morning  with a letter from my mother  

As our looks met  I observed that he was pale even to his lips 
though he looked very steadily at me   I feared that some
difference between him and his mother might have led to his being
in the frame of mind in which I had found him at the solitary
fireside   I hinted so 

 Oh no   he said  shaking his head  and giving a slight laugh 
 Nothing of the sort   Yes   He is come down  that man of mine  

 The same as ever   said I 

 The same as ever   said Steerforth    Distant and quiet as the
North Pole   He shall see to the boat being fresh named   She s the
 Stormy Petrel  now   What does Mr  Peggotty care for Stormy
Petrels   I ll have her christened again  

 By what name   I asked 

 The  Little Em ly   

As he had continued to look steadily at me  I took it as a reminder
that he objected to being extolled for his consideration   I could
not help showing in my face how much it pleased me  but I said
little  and he resumed his usual smile  and seemed relieved 

 But see here   he said  looking before us   where the original
little Em ly comes   And that fellow with her  eh   Upon my soul 
he s a true knight   He never leaves her  

Ham was a boat builder in these days  having improved a natural
ingenuity in that handicraft  until he had become a skilled
workman   He was in his working dress  and looked rugged enough 
but manly withal  and a very fit protector for the blooming little
creature at his side   Indeed  there was a frankness in his face 
an honesty  and an undisguised show of his pride in her  and his
love for her  which were  to me  the best of good looks   I
thought  as they came towards us  that they were well matched even
in that particular 

She withdrew her hand timidly from his arm as we stopped to speak
to them  and blushed as she gave it to Steerforth and to me   When
they passed on  after we had exchanged a few words  she did not
like to replace that hand  but  still appearing timid and
constrained  walked by herself   I thought all this very pretty and
engaging  and Steerforth seemed to think so too  as we looked after
them fading away in the light of a young moon 

Suddenly there passed us   evidently following them   a young woman
whose approach we had not observed  but whose face I saw as she
went by  and thought I had a faint remembrance of   She was lightly
dressed  looked bold  and haggard  and flaunting  and poor  but
seemed  for the time  to have given all that to the wind which was
blowing  and to have nothing in her mind but going after them   As
the dark distant level  absorbing their figures into itself  left
but itself visible between us and the sea and clouds  her figure
disappeared in like manner  still no nearer to them than before 

 That is a black shadow to be following the girl   said Steerforth 
standing still   what does it mean  

He spoke in a low voice that sounded almost strange to Me 

 She must have it in her mind to beg of them  I think   said I 

 A beggar would be no novelty   said Steerforth   but it is a
strange thing that the beggar should take that shape tonight  

 Why   I asked 

 For no better reason  truly  than because I was thinking   he
said  after a pause   of something like it  when it came by   Where
the Devil did it come from  I wonder  

 From the shadow of this wall  I think   said I  as we emerged upon
a road on which a wall abutted 

 It s gone   he returned  looking over his shoulder    And all ill
go with it   Now for our dinner  

But he looked again over his shoulder towards the sea line
glimmering afar off  and yet again   And he wondered about it  in
some broken expressions  several times  in the short remainder of
our walk  and only seemed to forget it when the light of fire and
candle shone upon us  seated warm and merry  at table 

Littimer was there  and had his usual effect upon me   When I said
to him that I hoped Mrs  Steerforth and Miss Dartle were well  he
answered respectfully  and of course respectably   that they were
tolerably well  he thanked me  and had sent their compliments 
This was all  and yet he seemed to me to say as plainly as a man
could say   You are very young  sir  you are exceedingly young  

We had almost finished dinner  when taking a step or two towards
the table  from the corner where he kept watch upon us  or rather
upon me  as I felt  he said to his master 

 I beg your pardon  sir   Miss Mowcher is down here  

 Who   cried Steerforth  much astonished 

 Miss Mowcher  sir  

 Why  what on earth does she do here   said Steerforth 

 It appears to be her native part of the country  sir   She informs
me that she makes one of her professional visits here  every year 
sir   I met her in the street this afternoon  and she wished to
know if she might have the honour of waiting on you after dinner 
sir  

 Do you know the Giantess in question  Daisy   inquired Steerforth 

I was obliged to confess   I felt ashamed  even of being at this
disadvantage before Littimer   that Miss Mowcher and I were wholly
unacquainted 

 Then you shall know her   said Steerforth   for she is one of the
seven wonders of the world   When Miss Mowcher comes  show her in  

I felt some curiosity and excitement about this lady  especially as
Steerforth burst into a fit of laughing when I referred to her  and
positively refused to answer any question of which I made her the
subject   I remained  therefore  in a state of considerable
expectation until the cloth had been removed some half an hour  and
we were sitting over our decanter of wine before the fire  when the
door opened  and Littimer  with his habitual serenity quite
undisturbed  announced 

 Miss Mowcher  

I looked at the doorway and saw nothing   I was still looking at
the doorway  thinking that Miss Mowcher was a long while making her
appearance  when  to my infinite astonishment  there came waddling
round a sofa which stood between me and it  a pursy dwarf  of about
forty or forty five  with a very large head and face  a pair of
roguish grey eyes  and such extremely little arms  that  to enable
herself to lay a finger archly against her snub nose  as she ogled
Steerforth  she was obliged to meet the finger half way  and lay
her nose against it   Her chin  which was what is called a double
chin  was so fat that it entirely swallowed up the strings of her
bonnet  bow and all   Throat she had none  waist she had none  legs
she had none  worth mentioning  for though she was more than
full sized down to where her waist would have been  if she had had
any  and though she terminated  as human beings generally do  in a
pair of feet  she was so short that she stood at a common sized
chair as at a table  resting a bag she carried on the seat   This
lady   dressed in an off hand  easy style  bringing her nose and
her forefinger together  with the difficulty I have described 
standing with her head necessarily on one side  and  with one of
her sharp eyes shut up  making an uncommonly knowing face   after
ogling Steerforth for a few moments  broke into a torrent of words 

 What   My flower   she pleasantly began  shaking her large head at
him    You re there  are you   Oh  you naughty boy  fie for shame 
what do you do so far away from home   Up to mischief  I ll be
bound   Oh  you re a downy fellow  Steerforth  so you are  and I m
another  ain t I   Ha  ha  ha   You d have betted a hundred pound
to five  now  that you wouldn t have seen me here  wouldn t you 
Bless you  man alive  I m everywhere   I m here and there  and
where not  like the conjurer s half crown in the lady s
handkercher   Talking of handkerchers   and talking of ladies  
what a comfort you are to your blessed mother  ain t you  my dear
boy  over one of my shoulders  and I don t say which  

Miss Mowcher untied her bonnet  at this passage of her discourse 
threw back the strings  and sat down  panting  on a footstool in
front of the fire   making a kind of arbour of the dining table 
which spread its mahogany shelter above her head 

 Oh my stars and what s their names   she went on  clapping a hand
on each of her little knees  and glancing shrewdly at me   I m of
too full a habit  that s the fact  Steerforth   After a flight of
stairs  it gives me as much trouble to draw every breath I want  as
if it was a bucket of water   If you saw me looking out of an upper
window  you d think I was a fine woman  wouldn t you  

 I should think that  wherever I saw you   replied Steerforth 

 Go along  you dog  do   cried the little creature  making a whisk
at him with the handkerchief with which she was wiping her face 
 and don t be impudent   But I give you my word and honour I was at
Lady Mithers s last week   THERE S a woman   How SHE wears    and
Mithers himself came into the room where I was waiting for her  
THERE S a man   How HE wears  and his wig too  for he s had it
these ten years   and he went on at that rate in the complimentary
line  that I began to think I should be obliged to ring the bell 
Ha  ha  ha   He s a pleasant wretch  but he wants principle  

 What were you doing for Lady Mithers   asked Steerforth 

 That s tellings  my blessed infant   she retorted  tapping her
nose again  screwing up her face  and twinkling her eyes like an
imp of supernatural intelligence    Never YOU mind   You d like to
know whether I stop her hair from falling off  or dye it  or touch
up her complexion  or improve her eyebrows  wouldn t you   And so
you shall  my darling   when I tell you   Do you know what my great
grandfather s name was  

 No   said Steerforth 

 It was Walker  my sweet pet   replied Miss Mowcher   and he came
of a long line of Walkers  that I inherit all the Hookey estates
from  

I never beheld anything approaching to Miss Mowcher s wink except
Miss Mowcher s self possession   She had a wonderful way too  when
listening to what was said to her  or when waiting for an answer to
what she had said herself  of pausing with her head cunningly on
one side  and one eye turned up like a magpie s   Altogether I was
lost in amazement  and sat staring at her  quite oblivious  I am
afraid  of the laws of politeness 

She had by this time drawn the chair to her side  and was busily
engaged in producing from the bag  plunging in her short arm to the
shoulder  at every dive  a number of small bottles  sponges  combs 
brushes  bits of flannel  little pairs of curling irons  and other
instruments  which she tumbled in a heap upon the chair   From this
employment she suddenly desisted  and said to Steerforth  much to
my confusion 

 Who s your friend  

 Mr  Copperfield   said Steerforth   he wants to know you  

 Well  then  he shall   I thought he looked as if he did   returned
Miss Mowcher  waddling up to me  bag in hand  and laughing on me as
she came    Face like a peach   standing on tiptoe to pinch my
cheek as I sat    Quite tempting   I m very fond of peaches   Happy
to make your acquaintance  Mr  Copperfield  I m sure  

I said that I congratulated myself on having the honour to make
hers  and that the happiness was mutual 

 Oh  my goodness  how polite we are   exclaimed Miss Mowcher 
making a preposterous attempt to cover her large face with her
morsel of a hand    What a world of gammon and spinnage it is 
though  ain t it  

This was addressed confidentially to both of us  as the morsel of
a hand came away from the face  and buried itself  arm and all  in
the bag again 

 What do you mean  Miss Mowcher   said Steerforth 

 Ha  ha  ha   What a refreshing set of humbugs we are  to be sure 
ain t we  my sweet child   replied that morsel of a woman  feeling
in the bag with her head on one side and her eye in the air    Look
here   taking something out    Scraps of the Russian Prince s
nails   Prince Alphabet turned topsy turvy  I call him  for his
name s got all the letters in it  higgledy piggledy  

 The Russian Prince is a client of yours  is he   said Steerforth 

 I believe you  my pet   replied Miss Mowcher    I keep his nails
in order for him   Twice a week   Fingers and toes  

 He pays well  I hope   said Steerforth 

 Pays  as he speaks  my dear child   through the nose   replied
Miss Mowcher    None of your close shavers the Prince ain t   You d
say so  if you saw his moustachios   Red by nature  black by art  

 By your art  of course   said Steerforth 

Miss Mowcher winked assent    Forced to send for me   Couldn t help
it   The climate affected his dye  it did very well in Russia  but
it was no go here   You never saw such a rusty Prince in all your
born days as he was   Like old iron  
 Is that why you called him a humbug  just now   inquired
Steerforth 

 Oh  you re a broth of a boy  ain t you   returned Miss Mowcher 
shaking her head violently    I said  what a set of humbugs we were
in general  and I showed you the scraps of the Prince s nails to
prove it   The Prince s nails do more for me in private families of
the genteel sort  than all my talents put together   I always carry
 em about   They re the best introduction   If Miss Mowcher cuts
the Prince s nails  she must be all right   I give  em away to the
young ladies   They put  em in albums  I believe   Ha   ha  ha 
Upon my life   the whole social system   as the men call it when
they make speeches in Parliament  is a system of Prince s nails  
said this least of women  trying to fold her short arms  and
nodding her large head 

Steerforth laughed heartily  and I laughed too   Miss Mowcher
continuing all the time to shake her head  which was very much on
one side   and to look into the air with one eye  and to wink with
the other 

 Well  well   she said  smiting her small knees  and rising   this
is not business   Come  Steerforth  let s explore the polar
regions  and have it over  

She then selected two or three of the little instruments  and a
little bottle  and asked  to my surprise  if the table would bear 
On Steerforth s replying in the affirmative  she pushed a chair
against it  and begging the assistance of my hand  mounted up 
pretty nimbly  to the top  as if it were a stage 

 If either of you saw my ankles   she said  when she was safely
elevated   say so  and I ll go home and destroy myself  

 I did not   said Steerforth 

 I did not   said I 

 Well then   cried Miss Mowcher   I ll consent to live   Now 
ducky  ducky  ducky  come to Mrs  Bond and be killed  

This was an invocation to Steerforth to place himself under her
hands  who  accordingly  sat himself down  with his back to the
table  and his laughing face towards me  and submitted his head to
her inspection  evidently for no other purpose than our
entertainment   To see Miss Mowcher standing over him  looking at
his rich profusion of brown hair through a large round magnifying
glass  which she took out of her pocket  was a most amazing
spectacle 

 You re a pretty fellow   said Miss Mowcher  after a brief
inspection    You d be as bald as a friar on the top of your head
in twelve months  but for me   Just half a minute  my young friend 
and we ll give you a polishing that shall keep your curls on for
the next ten years  

With this  she tilted some of the contents of the little bottle on
to one of the little bits of flannel  and  again imparting some of
the virtues of that preparation to one of the little brushes  began
rubbing and scraping away with both on the crown of Steerforth s
head in the busiest manner I ever witnessed  talking all the time 

 There s Charley Pyegrave  the duke s son   she said    You know
Charley   peeping round into his face 

 A little   said Steerforth 

 What a man HE is   THERE S a whisker   As to Charley s legs  if
they were only a pair  which they ain t   they d defy competition 
Would you believe he tried to do without me   in the Life Guards 
too  

 Mad   said Steerforth 

 It looks like it   However  mad or sane  he tried   returned Miss
Mowcher    What does he do  but  lo and behold you  he goes into a
perfumer s shop  and wants to buy a bottle of the Madagascar
Liquid  

 Charley does   said Steerforth 

 Charley does   But they haven t got any of the Madagascar Liquid  

 What is it   Something to drink   asked Steerforth 

 To drink   returned Miss Mowcher  stopping to slap his cheek    To
doctor his own moustachios with  you know   There was a woman in
the shop   elderly female   quite a Griffin   who had never even
heard of it by name    Begging pardon  sir   said the Griffin to
Charley   it s not   not   not ROUGE  is it     Rouge   said
Charley to the Griffin    What the unmentionable to ears polite  do
you think I want with rouge     No offence  sir   said the Griffin 
 we have it asked for by so many names  I thought it might be   Now
that  my child   continued Miss Mowcher  rubbing all the time as
busily as ever   is another instance of the refreshing humbug I was
speaking of   I do something in that way myself   perhaps a good
deal   perhaps a little   sharp s the word  my dear boy   never
mind  

 In what way do you mean   In the rouge way   said Steerforth 

 Put this and that together  my tender pupil   returned the wary
Mowcher  touching her nose   work it by the rule of Secrets in all
trades  and the product will give you the desired result   I say I
do a little in that way myself   One Dowager  SHE calls it
lip salve   Another  SHE calls it gloves   Another  SHE calls it
tucker edging   Another  SHE calls it a fan   I call it whatever
THEY call it   I supply it for  em  but we keep up the trick so  to
one another  and make believe with such a face  that they d as soon
think of laying it on  before a whole drawing room  as before me 
And when I wait upon  em  they ll say to me sometimes   WITH IT ON
  thick  and no mistake    How am I looking  Mowcher   Am I pale  
Ha  ha  ha  ha   Isn t THAT refreshing  my young friend  

I never did in my days behold anything like Mowcher as she stood
upon the dining table  intensely enjoying this refreshment  rubbing
busily at Steerforth s head  and winking at me over it 

 Ah   she said    Such things are not much in demand hereabouts 
That sets me off again   I haven t seen a pretty woman since I ve
been here  jemmy  

 No   said Steerforth 

 Not the ghost of one   replied Miss Mowcher 

 We could show her the substance of one  I think   said Steerforth 
addressing his eyes to mine    Eh  Daisy  

 Yes  indeed   said I 

 Aha   cried the little creature  glancing sharply at my face  and
then peeping round at Steerforth s    Umph  

The first exclamation sounded like a question put to both of us 
and the second like a question put to Steerforth only   She seemed
to have found no answer to either  but continued to rub  with her
head on one side and her eye turned up  as if she were looking for
an answer in the air and were confident of its appearing presently 

 A sister of yours  Mr  Copperfield   she cried  after a pause  and
still keeping the same look out    Aye  aye  

 No   said Steerforth  before I could reply    Nothing of the sort 
On the contrary  Mr  Copperfield used   or I am much mistaken   to
have a great admiration for her  

 Why  hasn t he now   returned Miss Mowcher    Is he fickle   Oh 
for shame   Did he sip every flower  and change every hour  until
Polly his passion requited    Is her name Polly  

The Elfin suddenness with which she pounced upon me with this
question  and a searching look  quite disconcerted me for a moment 

 No  Miss Mowcher   I replied    Her name is Emily  

 Aha   she cried exactly as before    Umph   What a rattle I am 
Mr  Copperfield  ain t I volatile  

Her tone and look implied something that was not agreeable to me in
connexion with the subject   So I said  in a graver manner than any
of us had yet assumed 
 She is as virtuous as she is pretty   She is engaged to be married
to a most worthy and deserving man in her own station of life   I
esteem her for her good sense  as much as I admire her for her good
looks  

 Well said   cried Steerforth    Hear  hear  hear   Now I ll quench
the curiosity of this little Fatima  my dear Daisy  by leaving her
nothing to guess at   She is at present apprenticed  Miss Mowcher 
or articled  or whatever it may be  to Omer and Joram 
Haberdashers  Milliners  and so forth  in this town   Do you
observe   Omer and Joram   The promise of which my friend has
spoken  is made and entered into with her cousin  Christian name 
Ham  surname  Peggotty  occupation  boat builder  also of this
town   She lives with a relative  Christian name  unknown  surname 
Peggotty  occupation  seafaring  also of this town   She is the
prettiest and most engaging little fairy in the world   I admire
her   as my friend does   exceedingly   If it were not that I might
appear to disparage her Intended  which I know my friend would not
like  I would add  that to me she seems to be throwing herself
away  that I am sure she might do better  and that I swear she was
born to be a lady  

Miss Mowcher listened to these words  which were very slowly and
distinctly spoken  with her head on one side  and her eye in the
air as if she were still looking for that answer   When he ceased
she became brisk again in an instant  and rattled away with
surprising volubility 

 Oh   And that s all about it  is it   she exclaimed  trimming his
whiskers with a little restless pair of scissors  that went
glancing round his head in all directions    Very well  very well 
Quite a long story   Ought to end  and they lived happy ever
afterwards   oughtn t it   Ah   What s that game at forfeits   I
love my love with an E  because she s enticing  I hate her with an
E  because she s engaged   I took her to the sign of the exquisite 
and treated her with an elopement  her name s Emily  and she lives
in the east   Ha  ha  ha   Mr  Copperfield  ain t I volatile  

Merely looking at me with extravagant slyness  and not waiting for
any reply  she continued  without drawing breath 

 There   If ever any scapegrace was trimmed and touched up to
perfection  you are  Steerforth   If I understand any noddle in the
world  I understand yours   Do you hear me when I tell you that  my
darling   I understand yours   peeping down into his face    Now
you may mizzle  jemmy  as we say at Court   and if Mr  Copperfield
will take the chair I ll operate on him  

 What do you say  Daisy   inquired Steerforth  laughing  and
resigning his seat    Will you be improved  

 Thank you  Miss Mowcher  not this evening  

 Don t say no   returned the little woman  looking at me with the
aspect of a connoisseur   a little bit more eyebrow  

 Thank you   I returned   some other time  

 Have it carried half a quarter of an inch towards the temple  
said Miss Mowcher    We can do it in a fortnight  

 No  I thank you   Not at present  

 Go in for a tip   she urged    No   Let s get the scaffolding up 
then  for a pair of whiskers   Come  

I could not help blushing as I declined  for I felt we were on my
weak point  now   But Miss Mowcher  finding that I was not at
present disposed for any decoration within the range of her art 
and that I was  for the time being  proof against the blandishments
of the small bottle which she held up before one eye to enforce her
persuasions  said we would make a beginning on an early day  and
requested the aid of my hand to descend from her elevated station 
Thus assisted  she skipped down with much agility  and began to tie
her double chin into her bonnet 

 The fee   said Steerforth   is   

 Five bob   replied Miss Mowcher   and dirt cheap  my chicken 
Ain t I volatile  Mr  Copperfield  

I replied politely   Not at all    But I thought she was rather so 
when she tossed up his two half crowns like a goblin pieman  caught
them  dropped them in her pocket  and gave it a loud slap 

 That s the Till   observed Miss Mowcher  standing at the chair
again  and replacing in the bag a miscellaneous collection of
little objects she had emptied out of it    Have I got all my
traps   It seems so   It won t do to be like long Ned Beadwood 
when they took him to church  to marry him to somebody   as he
says  and left the bride behind   Ha  ha  ha   A wicked rascal 
Ned  but droll   Now  I know I m going to break your hearts  but I
am forced to leave you   You must call up all your fortitude  and
try to bear it   Good bye  Mr  Copperfield   Take care of yourself 
jockey of Norfolk   How I have been rattling on   It s all the
fault of you two wretches   I forgive you    Bob swore     as the
Englishman said for  Good night   when he first learnt French  and
thought it so like English    Bob swore   my ducks  

With the bag slung over her arm  and rattling as she waddled away 
she waddled to the door  where she stopped to inquire if she should
leave us a lock of her hair    Ain t I volatile   she added  as a
commentary on this offer  and  with her finger on her nose 
departed 

Steerforth laughed to that degree  that it was impossible for me to
help laughing too  though I am not sure I should have done so  but
for this inducement   When we had had our laugh quite out  which
was after some time  he told me that Miss Mowcher had quite an
extensive connexion  and made herself useful to a variety of people
in a variety of ways   Some people trifled with her as a mere
oddity  he said  but she was as shrewdly and sharply observant as
anyone he knew  and as long headed as she was short armed   He told
me that what she had said of being here  and there  and everywhere 
was true enough  for she made little darts into the provinces  and
seemed to pick up customers everywhere  and to know everybody   I
asked him what her disposition was  whether it was at all
mischievous  and if her sympathies were generally on the right side
of things  but  not succeeding in attracting his attention to these
questions after two or three attempts  I forbore or forgot to
repeat them   He told me instead  with much rapidity  a good deal
about her skill  and her profits  and about her being a scientific
cupper  if I should ever have occasion for her service in that
capacity 

She was the principal theme of our conversation during the evening 
and when we parted for the night Steerforth called after me over
the banisters   Bob swore   as I went downstairs 

I was surprised  when I came to Mr  Barkis s house  to find Ham
walking up and down in front of it  and still more surprised to
learn from him that little Em ly was inside   I naturally inquired
why he was not there too  instead of pacing the streets by himself 

 Why  you see  Mas r Davy   he rejoined  in a hesitating manner 
 Em ly  she s talking to some  un in here  

 I should have thought   said I  smiling   that that was a reason
for your being in here too  Ham  

 Well  Mas r Davy  in a general way  so  t would be   he returned 
 but look ee here  Mas r Davy   lowering his voice  and speaking
very gravely    It s a young woman  sir   a young woman  that Em ly
knowed once  and doen t ought to know no more  

When I heard these words  a light began to fall upon the figure I
had seen following them  some hours ago 

 It s a poor wurem  Mas r Davy   said Ham   as is trod under foot
by all the town   Up street and down street   The mowld o  the
churchyard don t hold any that the folk shrink away from  more  

 Did I see her tonight  Ham  on the sand  after we met you  

 Keeping us in sight   said Ham    It s like you did  Mas r Davy 
Not that I know d then  she was theer  sir  but along of her
creeping soon arterwards under Em ly s little winder  when she see
the light come  and whispering  Em ly  Em ly  for Christ s sake 
have a woman s heart towards me   I was once like you   Those was
solemn words  Mas r Davy  fur to hear  

 They were indeed  Ham   What did Em ly do  
 Says Em ly   Martha  is it you   Oh  Martha  can it be you     for
they had sat at work together  many a day  at Mr  Omer s  

 I recollect her now   cried I  recalling one of the two girls I
had seen when I first went there    I recollect her quite well  

 Martha Endell   said Ham    Two or three year older than Em ly 
but was at the school with her  

 I never heard her name   said I    I didn t mean to interrupt
you  

 For the matter o  that  Mas r Davy   replied Ham   all s told
a most in them words   Em ly  Em ly  for Christ s sake  have a
woman s heart towards me   I was once like you   She wanted to
speak to Em ly   Em ly couldn t speak to her theer  for her loving
uncle was come home  and he wouldn t   no  Mas r Davy   said Ham 
with great earnestness   he couldn t  kind natur d  tender hearted
as he is  see them two together  side by side  for all the
treasures that s wrecked in the sea  

I felt how true this was   I knew it  on the instant  quite as well
as Ham 

 So Em ly writes in pencil on a bit of paper   he pursued   and
gives it to her out o  winder to bring here    Show that   she
says   to my aunt  Mrs  Barkis  and she ll set you down by her
fire  for the love of me  till uncle is gone out  and I can come  
By and by she tells me what I tell you  Mas r Davy  and asks me to
bring her   What can I do   She doen t ought to know any such  but
I can t deny her  when the tears is on her face  

He put his hand into the breast of his shaggy jacket  and took out
with great care a pretty little purse 

 And if I could deny her when the tears was on her face  Mas r
Davy   said Ham  tenderly adjusting it on the rough palm of his
hand   how could I deny her when she give me this to carry for her
  knowing what she brought it for   Such a toy as it is   said Ham 
thoughtfully looking on it    With such a little money in it  Em ly
my dear  

I shook him warmly by the hand when he had put it away again   for
that was more satisfactory to me than saying anything   and we
walked up and down  for a minute or two  in silence   The door
opened then  and Peggotty appeared  beckoning to Ham to come in 
I would have kept away  but she came after me  entreating me to
come in too   Even then  I would have avoided the room where they
all were  but for its being the neat tiled kitchen I have mentioned
more than once   The door opening immediately into it  I found
myself among them before I considered whither I was going 

The girl   the same I had seen upon the sands   was near the fire 
She was sitting on the ground  with her head and one arm lying on
a chair   I fancied  from the disposition of her figure  that Em ly
had but newly risen from the chair  and that the forlorn head might
perhaps have been lying on her lap   I saw but little of the girl s
face  over which her hair fell loose and scattered  as if she had
been disordering it with her own hands  but I saw that she was
young  and of a fair complexion   Peggotty had been crying   So had
little Em ly   Not a word was spoken when we first went in  and the
Dutch clock by the dresser seemed  in the silence  to tick twice as
loud as usual   Em ly spoke first 

 Martha wants   she said to Ham   to go to London  

 Why to London   returned Ham 

He stood between them  looking on the prostrate girl with a mixture
of compassion for her  and of jealousy of her holding any
companionship with her whom he loved so well  which I have always
remembered distinctly   They both spoke as if she were ill  in a
soft  suppressed tone that was plainly heard  although it hardly
rose above a whisper 

 Better there than here   said a third voice aloud   Martha s 
though she did not move    No one knows me there   Everybody knows
me here  

 What will she do there   inquired Ham 

She lifted up her head  and looked darkly round at him for a
moment  then laid it down again  and curved her right arm about her
neck  as a woman in a fever  or in an agony of pain from a shot 
might twist herself 

 She will try to do well   said little Em ly    You don t know what
she has said to us   Does he   do they   aunt  

Peggotty shook her head compassionately 

 I ll try   said Martha   if you ll help me away   I never can do
worse than I have done here   I may do better   Oh   with a
dreadful shiver   take me out of these streets  where the whole
town knows me from a child  

As Em ly held out her hand to Ham  I saw him put in it a little
canvas bag   She took it  as if she thought it were her purse  and
made a step or two forward  but finding her mistake  came back to
where he had retired near me  and showed it to him 

 It s all yourn  Em ly   I could hear him say    I haven t nowt in
all the wureld that ain t yourn  my dear   It ain t of no delight
to me  except for you  

The tears rose freshly in her eyes  but she turned away and went to
Martha   What she gave her  I don t know   I saw her stooping over
her  and putting money in her bosom   She whispered something  as
she asked was that enough    More than enough   the other said  and
took her hand and kissed it 

Then Martha arose  and gathering her shawl about her  covering her
face with it  and weeping aloud  went slowly to the door   She
stopped a moment before going out  as if she would have uttered
something or turned back  but no word passed her lips   Making the
same low  dreary  wretched moaning in her shawl  she went away 

As the door closed  little Em ly looked at us three in a hurried
manner and then hid her face in her hands  and fell to sobbing 

 Doen t  Em ly   said Ham  tapping her gently on the shoulder 
 Doen t  my dear   You doen t ought to cry so  pretty  

 Oh  Ham   she exclaimed  still weeping pitifully   I am not so
good a girl as I ought to be   I know I have not the thankful
heart  sometimes  I ought to have  

 Yes  yes  you have  I m sure   said Ham 

 No  no  no   cried little Em ly  sobbing  and shaking her head 
 I am not as good a girl as I ought to be   Not near  not near  
And still she cried  as if her heart would break 

 I try your love too much   I know I do   she sobbed    I m often
cross to you  and changeable with you  when I ought to be far
different   You are never so to me   Why am I ever so to you  when
I should think of nothing but how to be grateful  and to make you
happy  

 You always make me so   said Ham   my dear   I am happy in the
sight of you   I am happy  all day long  in the thoughts of you  

 Ah  that s not enough   she cried    That is because you are good 
not because I am   Oh  my dear  it might have been a better fortune
for you  if you had been fond of someone else   of someone steadier
and much worthier than me  who was all bound up in you  and never
vain and changeable like me  

 Poor little tender heart   said Ham  in a low voice    Martha has
overset her  altogether  

 Please  aunt   sobbed Em ly   come here  and let me lay my head
upon you   Oh  I am very miserable tonight  aunt   Oh  I am not as
good a girl as I ought to be   I am not  I know  

Peggotty had hastened to the chair before the fire   Em ly  with
her arms around her neck  kneeled by her  looking up most earnestly
into her face 

 Oh  pray  aunt  try to help me   Ham  dear  try to help me   Mr 
David  for the sake of old times  do  please  try to help me   I
want to be a better girl than I am   I want to feel a hundred times
more thankful than I do   I want to feel more  what a blessed thing
it is to be the wife of a good man  and to lead a peaceful life 
Oh me  oh me   Oh my heart  my heart  

She dropped her face on my old nurse s breast  and  ceasing this
supplication  which in its agony and grief was half a woman s  half
a child s  as all her manner was  being  in that  more natural  and
better suited to her beauty  as I thought  than any other manner
could have been   wept silently  while my old nurse hushed her like
an infant 

She got calmer by degrees  and then we soothed her  now talking
encouragingly  and now jesting a little with her  until she began
to raise her head and speak to us   So we got on  until she was
able to smile  and then to laugh  and then to sit up  half ashamed 
while Peggotty recalled her stray ringlets  dried her eyes  and
made her neat again  lest her uncle should wonder  when she got
home  why his darling had been crying 

I saw her do  that night  what I had never seen her do before   I
saw her innocently kiss her chosen husband on the cheek  and creep
close to his bluff form as if it were her best support   When they
went away together  in the waning moonlight  and I looked after
them  comparing their departure in my mind with Martha s  I saw
that she held his arm with both her hands  and still kept close to
him 



CHAPTER   
I CORROBORATE Mr  DICK  AND CHOOSE A PROFESSION


When I awoke in the morning I thought very much of little Em ly 
and her emotion last night  after Martha had left   I felt as if I
had come into the knowledge of those domestic weaknesses and
tendernesses in a sacred confidence  and that to disclose them 
even to Steerforth  would be wrong   I had no gentler feeling
towards anyone than towards the pretty creature who had been my
playmate  and whom I have always been persuaded  and shall always
be persuaded  to my dying day  I then devotedly loved   The
repetition to any ears   even to Steerforth s   of what she had
been unable to repress when her heart lay open to me by an
accident  I felt would be a rough deed  unworthy of myself 
unworthy of the light of our pure childhood  which I always saw
encircling her head   I made a resolution  therefore  to keep it in
my own breast  and there it gave her image a new grace 

While we were at breakfast  a letter was delivered to me from my
aunt   As it contained matter on which I thought Steerforth could
advise me as well as anyone  and on which I knew I should be
delighted to consult him  I resolved to make it a subject of
discussion on our journey home   For the present we had enough to
do  in taking leave of all our friends   Mr  Barkis was far from
being the last among them  in his regret at our departure  and I
believe would even have opened the box again  and sacrificed
another guinea  if it would have kept us eight and forty hours in
Yarmouth   Peggotty and all her family were full of grief at our
going   The whole house of Omer and Joram turned out to bid us
good bye  and there were so many seafaring volunteers in attendance
on Steerforth  when our portmanteaux went to the coach  that if we
had had the baggage of a regiment with us  we should hardly have
wanted porters to carry it   In a word  we departed to the regret
and admiration of all concerned  and left a great many people very
sorry behind US 

Do you stay long here  Littimer   said I  as he stood waiting to
see the coach start 

 No  sir   he replied   probably not very long  sir  

 He can hardly say  just now   observed Steerforth  carelessly 
 He knows what he has to do  and he ll do it  

 That I am sure he will   said I 

Littimer touched his hat in acknowledgement of my good opinion  and
I felt about eight years old   He touched it once more  wishing us
a good journey  and we left him standing on the pavement  as
respectable a mystery as any pyramid in Egypt 

For some little time we held no conversation  Steerforth being
unusually silent  and I being sufficiently engaged in wondering 
within myself  when I should see the old places again  and what new
changes might happen to me or them in the meanwhile   At length
Steerforth  becoming gay and talkative in a moment  as he could
become anything he liked at any moment  pulled me by the arm 

 Find a voice  David   What about that letter you were speaking of
at breakfast  

 Oh   said I  taking it out of my pocket    It s from my aunt  

 And what does she say  requiring consideration  

 Why  she reminds me  Steerforth   said I   that I came out on
this expedition to look about me  and to think a little  

 Which  of course  you have done  

 Indeed I can t say I have  particularly   To tell you the truth 
I am afraid I have forgotten it  

 Well  look about you now  and make up for your negligence   said
Steerforth    Look to the right  and you ll see a flat country 
with a good deal of marsh in it  look to the left  and you ll see
the same   Look to the front  and you ll find no difference  look
to the rear  and there it is still  
I laughed  and replied that I saw no suitable profession in the
whole prospect  which was perhaps to be attributed to its flatness 

 What says our aunt on the subject   inquired Steerforth  glancing
at the letter in my hand    Does she suggest anything  

 Why  yes   said I    She asks me  here  if I think I should like
to be a proctor   What do you think of it  

 Well  I don t know   replied Steerforth  coolly    You may as well
do that as anything else  I suppose  

I could not help laughing again  at his balancing all callings and
professions so equally  and I told him so 

 What is a proctor  Steerforth   said I 

 Why  he is a sort of monkish attorney   replied Steerforth    He
is  to some faded courts held in Doctors  Commons    a lazy old
nook near St  Paul s Churchyard   what solicitors are to the courts
of law and equity   He is a functionary whose existence  in the
natural course of things  would have terminated about two hundred
years ago   I can tell you best what he is  by telling you what
Doctors  Commons is   It s a little out of the way place  where
they administer what is called ecclesiastical law  and play all
kinds of tricks with obsolete old monsters of acts of Parliament 
which three fourths of the world know nothing about  and the other
fourth supposes to have been dug up  in a fossil state  in the days
of the Edwards   It s a place that has an ancient monopoly in suits
about people s wills and people s marriages  and disputes among
ships and boats  

 Nonsense  Steerforth   I exclaimed    You don t mean to say that
there is any affinity between nautical matters and ecclesiastical
matters  

 I don t  indeed  my dear boy   he returned   but I mean to say
that they are managed and decided by the same set of people  down
in that same Doctors  Commons   You shall go there one day  and
find them blundering through half the nautical terms in Young s
Dictionary  apropos of the  Nancy  having run down the  Sarah
Jane   or Mr  Peggotty and the Yarmouth boatmen having put off in
a gale of wind with an anchor and cable to the  Nelson  Indiaman in
distress  and you shall go there another day  and find them deep in
the evidence  pro and con  respecting a clergyman who has
misbehaved himself  and you shall find the judge in the nautical
case  the advocate in the clergyman s case  or contrariwise   They
are like actors  now a man s a judge  and now he is not a judge 
now he s one thing  now he s another  now he s something else 
change and change about  but it s always a very pleasant 
profitable little affair of private theatricals  presented to an
uncommonly select audience  

 But advocates and proctors are not one and the same   said I  a
little puzzled    Are they  

 No   returned Steerforth   the advocates are civilians   men who
have taken a doctor s degree at college   which is the first reason
of my knowing anything about it   The proctors employ the
advocates   Both get very comfortable fees  and altogether they
make a mighty snug little party   On the whole  I would recommend
you to take to Doctors  Commons kindly  David   They plume them 
selves on their gentility there  I can tell you  if that s any
satisfaction  

I made allowance for Steerforth s light way of treating the
subject  and  considering it with reference to the staid air of
gravity and antiquity which I associated with that  lazy old nook
near St  Paul s Churchyard   did not feel indisposed towards my
aunt s suggestion  which she left to my free decision  making no
scruple of telling me that it had occurred to her  on her lately
visiting her own proctor in Doctors  Commons for the purpose of
settling her will in my favour 

 That s a laudable proceeding on the part of our aunt  at all
events   said Steerforth  when I mentioned it   and one deserving
of all encouragement   Daisy  my advice is that you take kindly to
Doctors  Commons  

I quite made up my mind to do so   I then told Steerforth that my
aunt was in town awaiting me  as I found from her letter   and that
she had taken lodgings for a week at a kind of private hotel at
Lincoln s Inn Fields  where there was a stone staircase  and a
convenient door in the roof  my aunt being firmly persuaded that
every house in London was going to be burnt down every night 

We achieved the rest of our journey pleasantly  sometimes recurring
to Doctors  Commons  and anticipating the distant days when I
should be a proctor there  which Steerforth pictured in a variety
of humorous and whimsical lights  that made us both merry   When we
came to our journey s end  he went home  engaging to call upon me
next day but one  and I drove to Lincoln s Inn Fields  where I
found my aunt up  and waiting supper 

If I had been round the world since we parted  we could hardly have
been better pleased to meet again   My aunt cried outright as she
embraced me  and said  pretending to laugh  that if my poor mother
had been alive  that silly little creature would have shed tears 
she had no doubt 

 So you have left Mr  Dick behind  aunt   said I    I am sorry for
that   Ah  Janet  how do you do  

As Janet curtsied  hoping I was well  I observed my aunt s visage
lengthen very much 

 I am sorry for it  too   said my aunt  rubbing her nose    I have
had no peace of mind  Trot  since I have been here  
Before I could ask why  she told me 

 I am convinced   said my aunt  laying her hand with melancholy
firmness on the table   that Dick s character is not a character to
keep the donkeys off   I am confident he wants strength of purpose 
I ought to have left Janet at home  instead  and then my mind might
perhaps have been at ease   If ever there was a donkey trespassing
on my green   said my aunt  with emphasis   there was one this
afternoon at four o clock   A cold feeling came over me from head
to foot  and I know it was a donkey  

I tried to comfort her on this point  but she rejected consolation 

 It was a donkey   said my aunt   and it was the one with the
stumpy tail which that Murdering sister of a woman rode  when she
came to my house    This had been  ever since  the only name my
aunt knew for Miss Murdstone    If there is any Donkey in Dover 
whose audacity it is harder to me to bear than another s  that  
said my aunt  striking the table   is the animal  

Janet ventured to suggest that my aunt might be disturbing herself
unnecessarily  and that she believed the donkey in question was
then engaged in the sand and gravel line of business  and was not
available for purposes of trespass   But my aunt wouldn t hear of
it 

Supper was comfortably served and hot  though my aunt s rooms were
very high up   whether that she might have more stone stairs for
her money  or might be nearer to the door in the roof  I don t know
  and consisted of a roast fowl  a steak  and some vegetables  to
all of which I did ample justice  and which were all excellent 
But my aunt had her own ideas concerning London provision  and ate
but little 

 I suppose this unfortunate fowl was born and brought up in a
cellar   said my aunt   and never took the air except on a hackney
coach stand   I hope the steak may be beef  but I don t believe it 
Nothing s genuine in the place  in my opinion  but the dirt  

 Don t you think the fowl may have come out of the country  aunt  
I hinted 

 Certainly not   returned my aunt    It would be no pleasure to a
London tradesman to sell anything which was what he pretended it
was  

I did not venture to controvert this opinion  but I made a good
supper  which it greatly satisfied her to see me do   When the
table was cleared  Janet assisted her to arrange her hair  to put
on her nightcap  which was of a smarter construction than usual
  in case of fire   my aunt said   and to fold her gown back over
her knees  these being her usual preparations for warming herself
before going to bed   I then made her  according to certain
established regulations from which no deviation  however slight 
could ever be permitted  a glass of hot wine and water  and a slice
of toast cut into long thin strips   With these accompaniments we
were left alone to finish the evening  my aunt sitting opposite to
me drinking her wine and water  soaking her strips of toast in it 
one by one  before eating them  and looking benignantly on me  from
among the borders of her nightcap 

 Well  Trot   she began   what do you think of the proctor plan 
Or have you not begun to think about it yet  

 I have thought a good deal about it  my dear aunt  and I have
talked a good deal about it with Steerforth   I like it very much
indeed   I like it exceedingly  

 Come   said my aunt    That s cheering  

 I have only one difficulty  aunt  

 Say what it is  Trot   she returned 

 Why  I want to ask  aunt  as this seems  from what I understand 
to be a limited profession  whether my entrance into it would not
be very expensive  

 It will cost   returned my aunt   to article you  just a thousand
pounds  

 Now  my dear aunt   said I  drawing my chair nearer   I am uneasy
in my mind about that   It s a large sum of money   You have
expended a great deal on my education  and have always been as
liberal to me in all things as it was possible to be   You have
been the soul of generosity   Surely there are some ways in which
I might begin life with hardly any outlay  and yet begin with a
good hope of getting on by resolution and exertion   Are you sure
that it would not be better to try that course   Are you certain
that you can afford to part with so much money  and that it is
right that it should be so expended   I only ask you  my second
mother  to consider   Are you certain  

My aunt finished eating the piece of toast on which she was then
engaged  looking me full in the face all the while  and then
setting her glass on the chimney piece  and folding her hands upon
her folded skirts  replied as follows 

 Trot  my child  if I have any object in life  it is to provide for
your being a good  a sensible  and a happy man   I am bent upon it
  so is Dick   I should like some people that I know to hear Dick s
conversation on the subject   Its sagacity is wonderful   But no
one knows the resources of that man s intellect  except myself  

She stopped for a moment to take my hand between hers  and went on 

 It s in vain  Trot  to recall the past  unless it works some
influence upon the present   Perhaps I might have been better
friends with your poor father   Perhaps I might have been better
friends with that poor child your mother  even after your sister
Betsey Trotwood disappointed me   When you came to me  a little
runaway boy  all dusty and way worn  perhaps I thought so   From
that time until now  Trot  you have ever been a credit to me and a
pride and a pleasure   I have no other claim upon my means  at
least    here to my surprise she hesitated  and was confused    no 
I have no other claim upon my means   and you are my adopted child 
Only be a loving child to me in my age  and bear with my whims and
fancies  and you will do more for an old woman whose prime of life
was not so happy or conciliating as it might have been  than ever
that old woman did for you  

It was the first time I had heard my aunt refer to her past
history   There was a magnanimity in her quiet way of doing so  and
of dismissing it  which would have exalted her in my respect and
affection  if anything could 

 All is agreed and understood between us  now  Trot   said my aunt 
 and we need talk of this no more   Give me a kiss  and we ll go to
the Commons after breakfast tomorrow  

We had a long chat by the fire before we went to bed   I slept in
a room on the same floor with my aunt s  and was a little disturbed
in the course of the night by her knocking at my door as often as
she was agitated by a distant sound of hackney coaches or
market carts  and inquiring   if I heard the engines    But towards
morning she slept better  and suffered me to do so too 

At about mid day  we set out for the office of Messrs Spenlow and
Jorkins  in Doctors  Commons   My aunt  who had this other general
opinion in reference to London  that every man she saw was a
pickpocket  gave me her purse to carry for her  which had ten
guineas in it and some silver 

We made a pause at the toy shop in Fleet Street  to see the giants
of Saint Dunstan s strike upon the bells   we had timed our going 
so as to catch them at it  at twelve o clock   and then went on
towards Ludgate Hill  and St  Paul s Churchyard   We were crossing
to the former place  when I found that my aunt greatly accelerated
her speed  and looked frightened   I observed  at the same time 
that a lowering ill dressed man who had stopped and stared at us in
passing  a little before  was coming so close after us as to brush
against her 

 Trot   My dear Trot   cried my aunt  in a terrified whisper  and
pressing my arm    I don t know what I am to do  

 Don t be alarmed   said I    There s nothing to be afraid of 
Step into a shop  and I ll soon get rid of this fellow  

 No  no  child   she returned    Don t speak to him for the world 
I entreat  I order you  

 Good Heaven  aunt   said I    He is nothing but a sturdy
beggar  

 You don t know what he is   replied my aunt    You don t know who
he is   You don t know what you say  

We had stopped in an empty door way  while this was passing  and he
had stopped too 

 Don t look at him   said my aunt  as I turned my head indignantly 
 but get me a coach  my dear  and wait for me in St  Paul s
Churchyard  

 Wait for you   I replied 

 Yes   rejoined my aunt    I must go alone   I must go with him  

 With him  aunt   This man  

 I am in my senses   she replied   and I tell you I must   Get mea
coach  

However much astonished I might be  I was sensible that I had no
right to refuse compliance with such a peremptory command   I
hurried away a few paces  and called a hackney chariot which was
passing empty   Almost before I could let down the steps  my aunt
sprang in  I don t know how  and the man followed   She waved her
hand to me to go away  so earnestly  that  all confounded as I was 
I turned from them at once   In doing so  I heard her say to the
coachman   Drive anywhere   Drive straight on   and presently the
chariot passed me  going up the hill 

What Mr  Dick had told me  and what I had supposed to be a delusion
of his  now came into my mind   I could not doubt that this person
was the person of whom he had made such mysterious mention  though
what the nature of his hold upon my aunt could possibly be  I was
quite unable to imagine   After half an hour s cooling in the
churchyard  I saw the chariot coming back   The driver stopped
beside me  and my aunt was sitting in it alone 

She had not yet sufficiently recovered from her agitation to be
quite prepared for the visit we had to make   She desired me to get
into the chariot  and to tell the coachman to drive slowly up and
down a little while   She said no more  except   My dear child 
never ask me what it was  and don t refer to it   until she had
perfectly regained her composure  when she told me she was quite
herself now  and we might get out   On her giving me her purse to
pay the driver  I found that all the guineas were gone  and only
the loose silver remained 

Doctors  Commons was approached by a little low archway   Before we
had taken many paces down the street beyond it  the noise of the
city seemed to melt  as if by magic  into a softened distance   A
few dull courts and narrow ways brought us to the sky lighted
offices of Spenlow and Jorkins  in the vestibule of which temple 
accessible to pilgrims without the ceremony of knocking  three or
four clerks were at work as copyists   One of these  a little dry
man  sitting by himself  who wore a stiff brown wig that looked as
if it were made of gingerbread  rose to receive my aunt  and show
us into Mr  Spenlow s room 

 Mr  Spenlow s in Court  ma am   said the dry man   it s an Arches
day  but it s close by  and I ll send for him directly  

As we were left to look about us while Mr  Spenlow was fetched  I
availed myself of the opportunity   The furniture of the room was
old fashioned and dusty  and the green baize on the top of the
writing table had lost all its colour  and was as withered and pale
as an old pauper   There were a great many bundles of papers on it 
some endorsed as Allegations  and some  to my surprise  as Libels 
and some as being in the Consistory Court  and some in the Arches
Court  and some in the Prerogative Court  and some in the Admiralty
Court  and some in the Delegates  Court  giving me occasion to
wonder much  how many Courts there might be in the gross  and how
long it would take to understand them all   Besides these  there
were sundry immense manuscript Books of Evidence taken on
affidavit  strongly bound  and tied together in massive sets  a set
to each cause  as if every cause were a history in ten or twenty
volumes   All this looked tolerably expensive  I thought  and gave
me an agreeable notion of a proctor s business   I was casting my
eyes with increasing complacency over these and many similar
objects  when hasty footsteps were heard in the room outside  and
Mr  Spenlow  in a black gown trimmed with white fur  came hurrying
in  taking off his hat as he came 

He was a little light haired gentleman  with undeniable boots  and
the stiffest of white cravats and shirt collars   He was buttoned
up  mighty trim and tight  and must have taken a great deal of
pains with his whiskers  which were accurately curled   His gold
watch chain was so massive  that a fancy came across me  that he
ought to have a sinewy golden arm  to draw it out with  like those
which are put up over the goldbeaters  shops   He was got up with
such care  and was so stiff  that he could hardly bend himself 
being obliged  when he glanced at some papers on his desk  after
sitting down in his chair  to move his whole body  from the bottom
of his spine  like Punch 

I had previously been presented by my aunt  and had been
courteously received   He now said 

 And so  Mr  Copperfield  you think of entering into our
profession   I casually mentioned to Miss Trotwood  when I had the
pleasure of an interview with her the other day     with another
inclination of his body   Punch again    that there was a vacancy
here   Miss Trotwood was good enough to mention that she had a
nephew who was her peculiar care  and for whom she was seeking to
provide genteelly in life   That nephew  I believe  I have now the
pleasure of    Punch again 
I bowed my acknowledgements  and said  my aunt had mentioned to me
that there was that opening  and that I believed I should like it
very much   That I was strongly inclined to like it  and had taken
immediately to the proposal   That I could not absolutely pledge
myself to like it  until I knew something more about it   That
although it was little else than a matter of form  I presumed I
should have an opportunity of trying how I liked it  before I bound
myself to it irrevocably 

 Oh surely  surely   said Mr  Spenlow    We always  in this house 
propose a month   an initiatory month   I should be happy  myself 
to propose two months   three   an indefinite period  in fact   but
I have a partner   Mr  Jorkins  

 And the premium  sir   I returned   is a thousand pounds  

 And the premium  Stamp included  is a thousand pounds   said Mr 
Spenlow    As I have mentioned to Miss Trotwood  I am actuated by
no mercenary considerations  few men are less so  I believe  but
Mr  Jorkins has his opinions on these subjects  and I am bound to
respect Mr  Jorkins s opinions   Mr  Jorkins thinks a thousand
pounds too little  in short  

 I suppose  sir   said I  still desiring to spare my aunt   that it
is not the custom here  if an articled clerk were particularly
useful  and made himself a perfect master of his profession    I
could not help blushing  this looked so like praising myself    I
suppose it is not the custom  in the later years of his time  to
allow him any   

Mr  Spenlow  by a great effort  just lifted his head far enough out
of his cravat to shake it  and answered  anticipating the word
 salary  

 No   I will not say what consideration I might give to that point
myself  Mr  Copperfield  if I were unfettered   Mr  Jorkins is
immovable  

I was quite dismayed by the idea of this terrible Jorkins   But I
found out afterwards that he was a mild man of a heavy temperament 
whose place in the business was to keep himself in the background 
and be constantly exhibited by name as the most obdurate and
ruthless of men   If a clerk wanted his salary raised  Mr  Jorkins
wouldn t listen to such a proposition   If a client were slow to
settle his bill of costs  Mr  Jorkins was resolved to have it paid 
and however painful these things might be  and always were  to the
feelings of Mr  Spenlow  Mr  Jorkins would have his bond   The
heart and hand of the good angel Spenlow would have been always
open  but for the restraining demon Jorkins   As I have grown
older  I think I have had experience of some other houses doing
business on the principle of Spenlow and Jorkins 

It was settled that I should begin my month s probation as soon as
I pleased  and that my aunt need neither remain in town nor return
at its expiration  as the articles of agreement  of which I was to
be the subject  could easily be sent to her at home for her
signature   When we had got so far  Mr  Spenlow offered to take me
into Court then and there  and show me what sort of place it was 
As I was willing enough to know  we went out with this object 
leaving my aunt behind  who would trust herself  she said  in no
such place  and who  I think  regarded all Courts of Law as a sort
of powder mills that might blow up at any time 

Mr  Spenlow conducted me through a paved courtyard formed of grave
brick houses  which I inferred  from the Doctors  names upon the
doors  to be the official abiding places of the learned advocates
of whom Steerforth had told me  and into a large dull room  not
unlike a chapel to my thinking  on the left hand   The upper part
of this room was fenced off from the rest  and there  on the two
sides of a raised platform of the horse shoe form  sitting on easy
old fashioned dining room chairs  were sundry gentlemen in red
gowns and grey wigs  whom I found to be the Doctors aforesaid 
Blinking over a little desk like a pulpit desk  in the curve of the
horse shoe  was an old gentleman  whom  if I had seen him in an
aviary  I should certainly have taken for an owl  but who  I
learned  was the presiding judge   In the space within the
horse shoe  lower than these  that is to say  on about the level of
the floor  were sundry other gentlemen  of Mr  Spenlow s rank  and
dressed like him in black gowns with white fur upon them  sitting
at a long green table   Their cravats were in general stiff  I
thought  and their looks haughty  but in this last respect I
presently conceived I had done them an injustice  for when two or
three of them had to rise and answer a question of the presiding
dignitary  I never saw anything more sheepish   The public 
represented by a boy with a comforter  and a shabby genteel man
secretly eating crumbs out of his coat pockets  was warming itself
at a stove in the centre of the Court   The languid stillness of
the place was only broken by the chirping of this fire and by the
voice of one of the Doctors  who was wandering slowly through a
perfect library of evidence  and stopping to put up  from time to
time  at little roadside inns of argument on the journey 
Altogether  I have never  on any occasion  made one at such a
cosey  dosey  old fashioned  time forgotten  sleepy headed little
family party in all my life  and I felt it would be quite a
soothing opiate to belong to it in any character   except perhaps
as a suitor 

Very well satisfied with the dreamy nature of this retreat  I
informed Mr  Spenlow that I had seen enough for that time  and we
rejoined my aunt  in company with whom I presently departed from
the Commons  feeling very young when I went out of Spenlow and
Jorkins s  on account of the clerks poking one another with their
pens to point me out 

We arrived at Lincoln s Inn Fields without any new adventures 
except encountering an unlucky donkey in a costermonger s cart  who
suggested painful associations to my aunt   We had another long
talk about my plans  when we were safely housed  and as I knew she
was anxious to get home  and  between fire  food  and pickpockets 
could never be considered at her ease for half an hour in London 
I urged her not to be uncomfortable on my account  but to leave me
to take care of myself 

 I have not been here a week tomorrow  without considering that
too  my dear   she returned    There is a furnished little set of
chambers to be let in the Adelphi  Trot  which ought to suit you to
a marvel  

With this brief introduction  she produced from her pocket an
advertisement  carefully cut out of a newspaper  setting forth that
in Buckingham Street in the Adelphi there was to be let furnished 
with a view of the river  a singularly desirable  and compact set
of chambers  forming a genteel residence for a young gentleman  a
member of one of the Inns of Court  or otherwise  with immediate
possession   Terms moderate  and could be taken for a month only 
if required 

 Why  this is the very thing  aunt   said I  flushed with the
possible dignity of living in chambers 

 Then come   replied my aunt  immediately resuming the bonnet she
had a minute before laid aside    We ll go and look at  em  

Away we went   The advertisement directed us to apply to Mrs  Crupp
on the premises  and we rung the area bell  which we supposed to
communicate with Mrs  Crupp   It was not until we had rung three or
four times that we could prevail on Mrs  Crupp to communicate with
us  but at last she appeared  being a stout lady with a flounce of
flannel petticoat below a nankeen gown 

 Let us see these chambers of yours  if you please  ma am   said my
aunt 

 For this gentleman   said Mrs  Crupp  feeling in her pocket for
her keys 

 Yes  for my nephew   said my aunt 

 And a sweet set they is for sich   said Mrs  Crupp 

So we went upstairs 

They were on the top of the house   a great point with my aunt 
being near the fire escape   and consisted of a little half blind
entry where you could see hardly anything  a little stone blind
pantry where you could see nothing at all  a sitting room  and a
bedroom   The furniture was rather faded  but quite good enough for
me  and  sure enough  the river was outside the windows 

As I was delighted with the place  my aunt and Mrs  Crupp withdrew
into the pantry to discuss the terms  while I remained on the
sitting room sofa  hardly daring to think it possible that I could
be destined to live in such a noble residence   After a single
combat of some duration they returned  and I saw  to my joy  both
in Mrs  Crupp s countenance and in my aunt s  that the deed was
done 

 Is it the last occupant s furniture   inquired my aunt 

 Yes  it is  ma am   said Mrs  Crupp 

 What s become of him   asked my aunt 

Mrs  Crupp was taken with a troublesome cough  in the midst of
which she articulated with much difficulty    He was took ill here 
ma am  and   ugh  ugh  ugh  dear me    and he died  

 Hey   What did he die of   asked my aunt 

 Well  ma am  he died of drink   said Mrs  Crupp  in confidence 
 And smoke  

 Smoke   You don t mean chimneys   said my aunt 

 No  ma am   returned Mrs  Crupp    Cigars and pipes  

 That s not catching  Trot  at any rate   remarked my aunt  turning
to me 

 No  indeed   said I 

In short  my aunt  seeing how enraptured I was with the premises 
took them for a month  with leave to remain for twelve months when
that time was out   Mrs  Crupp was to find linen  and to cook 
every other necessary was already provided  and Mrs  Crupp
expressly intimated that she should always yearn towards me as a
son   I was to take possession the day after tomorrow  and Mrs 
Crupp said  thank Heaven she had now found summun she could care
for 

On our way back  my aunt informed me how she confidently trusted
that the life I was now to lead would make me firm and
self reliant  which was all I wanted   She repeated this several
times next day  in the intervals of our arranging for the
transmission of my clothes and books from Mr  Wickfield s  relative
to which  and to all my late holiday  I wrote a long letter to
Agnes  of which my aunt took charge  as she was to leave on the
succeeding day   Not to lengthen these particulars  I need only
add  that she made a handsome provision for all my possible wants
during my month of trial  that Steerforth  to my great
disappointment and hers too  did not make his appearance before she
went away  that I saw her safely seated in the Dover coach 
exulting in the coming discomfiture of the vagrant donkeys  with
Janet at her side  and that when the coach was gone  I turned my
face to the Adelphi  pondering on the old days when I used to roam
about its subterranean arches  and on the happy changes which had
brought me to the surface 



CHAPTER   
MY FIRST DISSIPATION


It was a wonderfully fine thing to have that lofty castle to
myself  and to feel  when I shut my outer door  like Robinson
Crusoe  when he had got into his fortification  and pulled his
ladder up after him   It was a wonderfully fine thing to walk about
town with the key of my house in my pocket  and to know that I
could ask any fellow to come home  and make quite sure of its being
inconvenient to nobody  if it were not so to me   It was a
wonderfully fine thing to let myself in and out  and to come and go
without a word to anyone  and to ring Mrs  Crupp up  gasping  from
the depths of the earth  when I wanted her   and when she was
disposed to come   All this  I say  was wonderfully fine  but I
must say  too  that there were times when it was very dreary 

It was fine in the morning  particularly in the fine mornings   It
looked a very fresh  free life  by daylight  still fresher  and
more free  by sunlight   But as the day declined  the life seemed
to go down too   I don t know how it was  it seldom looked well by
candle light   I wanted somebody to talk to  then   I missed Agnes 
I found a tremendous blank  in the place of that smiling repository
of my confidence   Mrs  Crupp appeared to be a long way off   I
thought about my predecessor  who had died of drink and smoke  and
I could have wished he had been so good as to live  and not bother
me with his decease 

After two days and nights  I felt as if I had lived there for a
year  and yet I was not an hour older  but was quite as much
tormented by my own youthfulness as ever 

Steerforth not yet appearing  which induced me to apprehend that he
must be ill  I left the Commons early on the third day  and walked
out to Highgate   Mrs  Steerforth was very glad to see me  and said
that he had gone away with one of his Oxford friends to see another
who lived near St  Albans  but that she expected him to return
tomorrow   I was so fond of him  that I felt quite jealous of his
Oxford friends 

As she pressed me to stay to dinner  I remained  and I believe we
talked about nothing but him all day   I told her how much the
people liked him at Yarmouth  and what a delightful companion he
had been   Miss Dartle was full of hints and mysterious questions 
but took a great interest in all our proceedings there  and said 
 Was it really though   and so forth  so often  that she got
everything out of me she wanted to know   Her appearance was
exactly what I have described it  when I first saw her  but the
society of the two ladies was so agreeable  and came so natural to
me  that I felt myself falling a little in love with her   I could
not help thinking  several times in the course of the evening  and
particularly when I walked home at night  what delightful company
she would be in Buckingham Street 

I was taking my coffee and roll in the morning  before going to the
Commons   and I may observe in this place that it is surprising how
much coffee Mrs  Crupp used  and how weak it was  considering  
when Steerforth himself walked in  to my unbounded joy 

 My dear Steerforth   cried I   I began to think I should never see
you again  

 I was carried off  by force of arms   said Steerforth   the very
next morning after I got home   Why  Daisy  what a rare old
bachelor you are here  

I showed him over the establishment  not omitting the pantry  with
no little pride  and he commended it highly    I tell you what  old
boy   he added   I shall make quite a town house of this place 
unless you give me notice to quit  

This was a delightful hearing   I told him if he waited for that 
he would have to wait till doomsday 

 But you shall have some breakfast   said I  with my hand on the
bell rope   and Mrs  Crupp shall make you some fresh coffee  and
I ll toast you some bacon in a bachelor s Dutch oven  that I have
got here  

 No  no   said Steerforth    Don t ring   I can t   I am going to
breakfast with one of these fellows who is at the Piazza Hotel  in
Covent Garden  

 But you ll come back to dinner   said I 

 I can t  upon my life   There s nothing I should like better  but
I must remain with these two fellows   We are all three off
together tomorrow morning  

 Then bring them here to dinner   I returned    Do you think they
would come  

 Oh  they would come fast enough   said Steerforth   but we should
inconvenience you   You had better come and dine with us
somewhere  

I would not by any means consent to this  for it occurred to me
that I really ought to have a little house warming  and that there
never could be a better opportunity   I had a new pride in my rooms
after his approval of them  and burned with a desire to develop
their utmost resources   I therefore made him promise positively in
the names of his two friends  and we appointed six o clock as the
dinner hour 

When he was gone  I rang for Mrs  Crupp  and acquainted her with my
desperate design   Mrs  Crupp said  in the first place  of course
it was well known she couldn t be expected to wait  but she knew a
handy young man  who she thought could be prevailed upon to do it 
and whose terms would be five shillings  and what I pleased   I
said  certainly we would have him   Next Mrs  Crupp said it was
clear she couldn t be in two places at once  which I felt to be
reasonable   and that  a young gal  stationed in the pantry with a
bedroom candle  there never to desist from washing plates  would be
indispensable   I said  what would be the expense of this young
female  and Mrs  Crupp said she supposed eighteenpence would
neither make me nor break me   I said I supposed not  and THAT was
settled   Then Mrs  Crupp said  Now about the dinner 

It was a remarkable instance of want of forethought on the part of
the ironmonger who had made Mrs  Crupp s kitchen fireplace  that it
was capable of cooking nothing but chops and mashed potatoes   As
to a fish kittle  Mrs  Crupp said  well  would I only come and look
at the range   She couldn t say fairer than that   Would I come and
look at it   As I should not have been much the wiser if I HAD
looked at it  I declined  and said   Never mind fish    But Mrs 
Crupp said  Don t say that  oysters was in  why not them   So THAT
was settled   Mrs  Crupp then said what she would recommend would
be this   A pair of hot roast fowls   from the pastry cook s  a
dish of stewed beef  with vegetables   from the pastry cook s  two
little corner things  as a raised pie and a dish of kidneys   from
the pastrycook s  a tart  and  if I liked  a shape of jelly   from
the pastrycook s   This  Mrs  Crupp said  would leave her at full
liberty to concentrate her mind on the potatoes  and to serve up
the cheese and celery as she could wish to see it done 

I acted on Mrs  Crupp s opinion  and gave the order at the
pastry cook s myself   Walking along the Strand  afterwards  and
observing a hard mottled substance in the window of a ham and beef
shop  which resembled marble  but was labelled  Mock Turtle   I
went in and bought a slab of it  which I have since seen reason to
believe would have sufficed for fifteen people   This preparation 
Mrs  Crupp  after some difficulty  consented to warm up  and it
shrunk so much in a liquid state  that we found it what Steerforth
called  rather a tight fit  for four 

These preparations happily completed  I bought a little dessert in
Covent Garden Market  and gave a rather extensive order at a retail
wine merchant s in that vicinity   When I came home in the
afternoon  and saw the bottles drawn up in a square on the pantry
floor  they looked so numerous  though there were two missing 
which made Mrs  Crupp very uncomfortable   that I was absolutely
frightened at them 

One of Steerforth s friends was named Grainger  and the other
Markham   They were both very gay and lively fellows  Grainger 
something older than Steerforth  Markham  youthful looking  and I
should say not more than twenty   I observed that the latter always
spoke of himself indefinitely  as  a man   and seldom or never in
the first person singular 

 A man might get on very well here  Mr  Copperfield   said Markham
  meaning himself 

 It s not a bad situation   said I   and the rooms are really
commodious  

 I hope you have both brought appetites with you   said Steerforth 

 Upon my honour   returned Markham   town seems to sharpen a man s
appetite   A man is hungry all day long   A man is perpetually
eating  

Being a little embarrassed at first  and feeling much too young to
preside  I made Steerforth take the head of the table when dinner
was announced  and seated myself opposite to him   Everything was
very good  we did not spare the wine  and he exerted himself so
brilliantly to make the thing pass off well  that there was no
pause in our festivity   I was not quite such good company during
dinner as I could have wished to be  for my chair was opposite the
door  and my attention was distracted by observing that the handy
young man went out of the room very often  and that his shadow
always presented itself  immediately afterwards  on the wall of the
entry  with a bottle at its mouth   The  young gal  likewise
occasioned me some uneasiness  not so much by neglecting to wash
the plates  as by breaking them   For being of an inquisitive
disposition  and unable to confine herself  as her positive
instructions were  to the pantry  she was constantly peering in at
us  and constantly imagining herself detected  in which belief  she
several times retired upon the plates  with which she had carefully
paved the floor   and did a great deal of destruction 

These  however  were small drawbacks  and easily forgotten when the
cloth was cleared  and the dessert put on the table  at which
period of the entertainment the handy young man was discovered to
be speechless   Giving him private directions to seek the society
of Mrs  Crupp  and to remove the  young gal  to the basement also 
I abandoned myself to enjoyment 

I began  by being singularly cheerful and light hearted  all sorts
of half forgotten things to talk about  came rushing into my mind 
and made me hold forth in a most unwonted manner   I laughed
heartily at my own jokes  and everybody else s  called Steerforth
to order for not passing the wine  made several engagements to go
to Oxford  announced that I meant to have a dinner party exactly
like that  once a week  until further notice  and madly took so
much snuff out of Grainger s box  that I was obliged to go into the
pantry  and have a private fit of sneezing ten minutes long 

I went on  by passing the wine faster and faster yet  and
continually starting up with a corkscrew to open more wine  long
before any was needed   I proposed Steerforth s health   I said he
was my dearest friend  the protector of my boyhood  and the
companion of my prime   I said I was delighted to propose his
health   I said I owed him more obligations than I could ever
repay  and held him in a higher admiration than I could ever
express   I finished by saying   I ll give you Steerforth   God
bless him   Hurrah   We gave him three times three  and another 
and a good one to finish with   I broke my glass in going round the
table to shake hands with him  and I said  in two words 
 Steerforth   you retheguidingstarofmyexistence  

I went on  by finding suddenly that somebody was in the middle of
a song   Markham was the singer  and he sang  When the heart of a
man is depressed with care    He said  when he had sung it  he
would give us  Woman   I took objection to that  and I couldn t
allow it   I said it was not a respectful way of proposing the
toast  and I would never permit that toast to be drunk in my house
otherwise than as  The Ladies   I was very high with him  mainly I
think because I saw Steerforth and Grainger laughing at me   or at
him   or at both of us   He said a man was not to be dictated to 
I said a man was   He said a man was not to be insulted  then   I
said he was right there   never under my roof  where the Lares were
sacred  and the laws of hospitality paramount   He said it was no
derogation from a man s dignity to confess that I was a devilish
good fellow   I instantly proposed his health 

Somebody was smoking   We were all smoking   I was smoking  and
trying to suppress a rising tendency to shudder   Steerforth had
made a speech about me  in the course of which I had been affected
almost to tears   I returned thanks  and hoped the present company
would dine with me tomorrow  and the day after   each day at five
o clock  that we might enjoy the pleasures of conversation and
society through a long evening   I felt called upon to propose an
individual   I would give them my aunt   Miss Betsey Trotwood  the
best of her sex 

Somebody was leaning out of my bedroom window  refreshing his
forehead against the cool stone of the parapet  and feeling the air
upon his face   It was myself   I was addressing myself as
 Copperfield   and saying   Why did you try to smoke   You might
have known you couldn t do it    Now  somebody was unsteadily
contemplating his features in the looking glass   That was I too 
I was very pale in the looking glass  my eyes had a vacant
appearance  and my hair   only my hair  nothing else   looked
drunk 

Somebody said to me   Let us go to the theatre  Copperfield   There
was no bedroom before me  but again the jingling table covered with
glasses  the lamp  Grainger on my right hand  Markham on my left 
and Steerforth opposite   all sitting in a mist  and a long way
off   The theatre   To be sure   The very thing   Come along   But
they must excuse me if I saw everybody out first  and turned the
lamp off   in case of fire 

Owing to some confusion in the dark  the door was gone   I was
feeling for it in the window curtains  when Steerforth  laughing 
took me by the arm and led me out   We went downstairs  one behind
another   Near the bottom  somebody fell  and rolled down 
Somebody else said it was Copperfield   I was angry at that false
report  until  finding myself on my back in the passage  I began to
think there might be some foundation for it 

A very foggy night  with great rings round the lamps in the
streets   There was an indistinct talk of its being wet   I
considered it frosty   Steerforth dusted me under a lamp post  and
put my hat into shape  which somebody produced from somewhere in a
most extraordinary manner  for I hadn t had it on before 
Steerforth then said   You are all right  Copperfield  are you
not   and I told him   Neverberrer  

A man  sitting in a pigeon hole place  looked out of the fog  and
took money from somebody  inquiring if I was one of the gentlemen
paid for  and appearing rather doubtful  as I remember in the
glimpse I had of him  whether to take the money for me or not 
Shortly afterwards  we were very high up in a very hot theatre 
looking down into a large pit  that seemed to me to smoke  the
people with whom it was crammed were so indistinct   There was a
great stage  too  looking very clean and smooth after the streets 
and there were people upon it  talking about something or other 
but not at all intelligibly   There was an abundance of bright
lights  and there was music  and there were ladies down in the
boxes  and I don t know what more   The whole building looked to me
as if it were learning to swim  it conducted itself in such an
unaccountable manner  when I tried to steady it 

On somebody s motion  we resolved to go downstairs to the
dress boxes  where the ladies were   A gentleman lounging  full
dressed  on a sofa  with an opera glass in his hand  passed before
my view  and also my own figure at full length in a glass   Then I
was being ushered into one of these boxes  and found myself saying
something as I sat down  and people about me crying  Silence   to
somebody  and ladies casting indignant glances at me  and   what 
yes    Agnes  sitting on the seat before me  in the same box  with
a lady and gentleman beside her  whom I didn t know   I see her
face now  better than I did then  I dare say  with its indelible
look of regret and wonder turned upon me 

 Agnes   I said  thickly   Lorblessmer   Agnes  

 Hush   Pray   she answered  I could not conceive why    You
disturb the company   Look at the stage  

I tried  on her injunction  to fix it  and to hear something of
what was going on there  but quite in vain   I looked at her again
by and by  and saw her shrink into her corner  and put her gloved
hand to her forehead 

 Agnes   I said    I mafraidyou renorwell  

 Yes  yes   Do not mind me  Trotwood   she returned    Listen   Are
you going away soon  

 Amigoarawaysoo   I repeated 

 Yes  

I had a stupid intention of replying that I was going to wait  to
hand her downstairs   I suppose I expressed it  somehow  for after
she had looked at me attentively for a little while  she appeared
to understand  and replied in a low tone 

 I know you will do as I ask you  if I tell you I am very earnest
in it   Go away now  Trotwood  for my sake  and ask your friends to
take you home  

She had so far improved me  for the time  that though I was angry
with her  I felt ashamed  and with a short  Goori    which I
intended for  Good night    got up and went away   They followed 
and I stepped at once out of the box door into my bedroom  where
only Steerforth was with me  helping me to undress  and where I was
by turns telling him that Agnes was my sister  and adjuring him to
bring the corkscrew  that I might open another bottle of wine 

How somebody  lying in my bed  lay saying and doing all this over
again  at cross purposes  in a feverish dream all night   the bed
a rocking sea that was never still   How  as that somebody slowly
settled down into myself  did I begin to parch  and feel as if my
outer covering of skin were a hard board  my tongue the bottom of
an empty kettle  furred with long service  and burning up over a
slow fire  the palms of my hands  hot plates of metal which no ice
could cool 

But the agony of mind  the remorse  and shame I felt when I became
conscious next day   My horror of having committed a thousand
offences I had forgotten  and which nothing could ever expiate   my
recollection of that indelible look which Agnes had given me   the
torturing impossibility of communicating with her  not knowing 
Beast that I was  how she came to be in London  or where she stayed
  my disgust of the very sight of the room where the revel had been
held   my racking head   the smell of smoke  the sight of glasses 
the impossibility of going out  or even getting up   Oh  what a day
it was 

Oh  what an evening  when I sat down by my fire to a basin of
mutton broth  dimpled all over with fat  and thought I was going
the way of my predecessor  and should succeed to his dismal story
as well as to his chambers  and had half a mind to rush express to
Dover and reveal all   What an evening  when Mrs  Crupp  coming in
to take away the broth basin  produced one kidney on a cheese plate
as the entire remains of yesterday s feast  and I was really
inclined to fall upon her nankeen breast and say  in heartfelt
penitence   Oh  Mrs  Crupp  Mrs  Crupp  never mind the broken
meats   I am very miserable     only that I doubted  even at that
pass  if Mrs  Crupp were quite the sort of woman to confide in 


CHAPTER   
GOOD AND BAD ANGELS


I was going out at my door on the morning after that deplorable day
of headache  sickness  and repentance  with an odd confusion in my
mind relative to the date of my dinner party  as if a body of
Titans had taken an enormous lever and pushed the day before
yesterday some months back  when I saw a ticket porter coming
upstairs  with a letter in his hand   He was taking his time about
his errand  then  but when he saw me on the top of the staircase 
looking at him over the banisters  he swung into a trot  and came
up panting as if he had run himself into a state of exhaustion 

 T  Copperfield  Esquire   said the ticket porter  touching his hat
with his little cane 

I could scarcely lay claim to the name  I was so disturbed by the
conviction that the letter came from Agnes   However  I told him I
was T  Copperfield  Esquire  and he believed it  and gave me the
letter  which he said required an answer   I shut him out on the
landing to wait for the answer  and went into my chambers again  in
such a nervous state that I was fain to lay the letter down on my
breakfast table  and familiarize myself with the outside of it a
little  before I could resolve to break the seal 

I found  when I did open it  that it was a very kind note 
containing no reference to my condition at the theatre   All it
said was   My dear Trotwood   I am staying at the house of papa s
agent  Mr  Waterbrook  in Ely Place  Holborn   Will you come and
see me today  at any time you like to appoint   Ever yours
affectionately  AGNES  

It took me such a long time to write an answer at all to my
satisfaction  that I don t know what the ticket porter can have
thought  unless he thought I was learning to write   I must have
written half a dozen answers at least   I began one   How can I
ever hope  my dear Agnes  to efface from your remembrance the
disgusting impression    there I didn t like it  and then I tore it
up   I began another   Shakespeare has observed  my dear Agnes  how
strange it is that a man should put an enemy into his mouth    that
reminded me of Markham  and it got no farther   I even tried
poetry   I began one note  in a six syllable line   Oh  do not
remember    but that associated itself with the fifth of November 
and became an absurdity   After many attempts  I wrote   My dear
Agnes   Your letter is like you  and what could I say of it that
would be higher praise than that   I will come at four o clock 
Affectionately and sorrowfully  T C    With this missive  which I
was in twenty minds at once about recalling  as soon as it was out
of my hands   the ticket porter at last departed 

If the day were half as tremendous to any other professional
gentleman in Doctors  Commons as it was to me  I sincerely believe
he made some expiation for his share in that rotten old
ecclesiastical cheese   Although I left the office at half past
three  and was prowling about the place of appointment within a few
minutes afterwards  the appointed time was exceeded by a full
quarter of an hour  according to the clock of St  Andrew s 
Holborn  before I could muster up sufficient desperation to pull
the private bell handle let into the left hand door post of Mr 
Waterbrook s house 

The professional business of Mr  Waterbrook s establishment was
done on the ground floor  and the genteel business  of which there
was a good deal  in the upper part of the building   I was shown
into a pretty but rather close drawing room  and there sat Agnes 
netting a purse 

She looked so quiet and good  and reminded me so strongly of my
airy fresh school days at Canterbury  and the sodden  smoky  stupid
wretch I had been the other night  that  nobody being by  I yielded
to my self reproach and shame  and   in short  made a fool of
myself   I cannot deny that I shed tears   To this hour I am
undecided whether it was upon the whole the wisest thing I could
have done  or the most ridiculous 

 If it had been anyone but you  Agnes   said I  turning away my
head   I should not have minded it half so much   But that it
should have been you who saw me   I almost wish I had been dead 
first  

She put her hand   its touch was like no other hand   upon my arm
for a moment  and I felt so befriended and comforted  that I could
not help moving it to my lips  and gratefully kissing it 

 Sit down   said Agnes  cheerfully    Don t be unhappy  Trotwood 
If you cannot confidently trust me  whom will you trust  

 Ah  Agnes   I returned    You are my good Angel  

She smiled rather sadly  I thought  and shook her head 

 Yes  Agnes  my good Angel   Always my good Angel  

 If I were  indeed  Trotwood   she returned   there is one thing
that I should set my heart on very much  

I looked at her inquiringly  but already with a foreknowledge of
her meaning 

 On warning you   said Agnes  with a steady glance   against your
bad Angel  

 My dear Agnes   I began   if you mean Steerforth   

 I do  Trotwood   she returned 
 Then  Agnes  you wrong him very much   He my bad Angel  or
anyone s   He  anything but a guide  a support  and a friend to me 
My dear Agnes   Now  is it not unjust  and unlike you  to judge him
from what you saw of me the other night  

 I do not judge him from what I saw of you the other night   she
quietly replied 

 From what  then  

 From many things   trifles in themselves  but they do not seem to
me to be so  when they are put together   I judge him  partly from
your account of him  Trotwood  and your character  and the
influence he has over you  

There was always something in her modest voice that seemed to touch
a chord within me  answering to that sound alone   It was always
earnest  but when it was very earnest  as it was now  there was a
thrill in it that quite subdued me   I sat looking at her as she
cast her eyes down on her work  I sat seeming still to listen to
her  and Steerforth  in spite of all my attachment to him  darkened
in that tone 

 It is very bold in me   said Agnes  looking up again   who have
lived in such seclusion  and can know so little of the world  to
give you my advice so confidently  or even to have this strong
opinion   But I know in what it is engendered  Trotwood    in how
true a remembrance of our having grown up together  and in how true
an interest in all relating to you   It is that which makes me
bold   I am certain that what I say is right   I am quite sure it
is   I feel as if it were someone else speaking to you  and not I 
when I caution you that you have made a dangerous friend  

Again I looked at her  again I listened to her after she was
silent  and again his image  though it was still fixed in my heart 
darkened 

 I am not so unreasonable as to expect   said Agnes  resuming her
usual tone  after a little while   that you will  or that you can 
at once  change any sentiment that has become a conviction to you 
least of all a sentiment that is rooted in your trusting
disposition   You ought not hastily to do that   I only ask you 
Trotwood  if you ever think of me   I mean   with a quiet smile 
for I was going to interrupt her  and she knew why   as often as
you think of me   to think of what I have said   Do you forgive me
for all this  

 I will forgive you  Agnes   I replied   when you come to do
Steerforth justice  and to like him as well as I do  

 Not until then   said Agnes 

I saw a passing shadow on her face when I made this mention of him 
but she returned my smile  and we were again as unreserved in our
mutual confidence as of old 

 And when  Agnes   said I   will you forgive me the other night  

 When I recall it   said Agnes 

She would have dismissed the subject so  but I was too full of it
to allow that  and insisted on telling her how it happened that I
had disgraced myself  and what chain of accidental circumstances
had had the theatre for its final link   It was a great relief to
me to do this  and to enlarge on the obligation that I owed to
Steerforth for his care of me when I was unable to take care of
myself 

 You must not forget   said Agnes  calmly changing the conversation
as soon as I had concluded   that you are always to tell me  not
only when you fall into trouble  but when you fall in love   Who
has succeeded to Miss Larkins  Trotwood  

 No one  Agnes  

 Someone  Trotwood   said Agnes  laughing  and holding up her
finger 

 No  Agnes  upon my word   There is a lady  certainly  at Mrs 
Steerforth s house  who is very clever  and whom I like to talk to
  Miss Dartle   but I don t adore her  

Agnes laughed again at her own penetration  and told me that if I
were faithful to her in my confidence she thought she should keep
a little register of my violent attachments  with the date 
duration  and termination of each  like the table of the reigns of
the kings and queens  in the History of England   Then she asked me
if I had seen Uriah 

 Uriah Heep   said I    No   Is he in London  

 He comes to the office downstairs  every day   returned Agnes 
 He was in London a week before me   I am afraid on disagreeable
business  Trotwood  

 On some business that makes you uneasy  Agnes  I see   said I 
 What can that be  

Agnes laid aside her work  and replied  folding her hands upon one
another  and looking pensively at me out of those beautiful soft
eyes of hers 

 I believe he is going to enter into partnership with papa  

 What   Uriah   That mean  fawning fellow  worm himself into such
promotion   I cried  indignantly    Have you made no remonstrance
about it  Agnes   Consider what a connexion it is likely to be 
You must speak out   You must not allow your father to take such a
mad step   You must prevent it  Agnes  while there s time  

Still looking at me  Agnes shook her head while I was speaking 
with a faint smile at my warmth  and then replied 

 You remember our last conversation about papa   It was not long
after that   not more than two or three days   when he gave me the
first intimation of what I tell you   It was sad to see him
struggling between his desire to represent it to me as a matter of
choice on his part  and his inability to conceal that it was forced
upon him   I felt very sorry  

 Forced upon him  Agnes   Who forces it upon him  

 Uriah   she replied  after a moment s hesitation   has made
himself indispensable to papa   He is subtle and watchful   He has
mastered papa s weaknesses  fostered them  and taken advantage of
them  until   to say all that I mean in a word  Trotwood    until
papa is afraid of him  

There was more that she might have said  more that she knew  or
that she suspected  I clearly saw   I could not give her pain by
asking what it was  for I knew that she withheld it from me  to
spare her father   It had long been going on to this  I was
sensible  yes  I could not but feel  on the least reflection  that
it had been going on to this for a long time   I remained silent 

 His ascendancy over papa   said Agnes   is very great   He
professes humility and gratitude   with truth  perhaps  I hope so
  but his position is really one of power  and I fear he makes a
hard use of his power  

I said he was a hound  which  at the moment  was a great
satisfaction to me 

 At the time I speak of  as the time when papa spoke to me  
pursued Agnes   he had told papa that he was going away  that he
was very sorry  and unwilling to leave  but that he had better
prospects   Papa was very much depressed then  and more bowed down
by care than ever you or I have seen him  but he seemed relieved by
this expedient of the partnership  though at the same time he
seemed hurt by it and ashamed of it  

 And how did you receive it  Agnes  

 I did  Trotwood   she replied   what I hope was right   Feeling
sure that it was necessary for papa s peace that the sacrifice
should be made  I entreated him to make it   I said it would
lighten the load of his life   I hope it will    and that it would
give me increased opportunities of being his companion   Oh 
Trotwood   cried Agnes  putting her hands before her face  as her
tears started on it   I almost feel as if I had been papa s enemy 
instead of his loving child   For I know how he has altered  in his
devotion to me   I know how he has narrowed the circle of his
sympathies and duties  in the concentration of his whole mind upon
me   I know what a multitude of things he has shut out for my sake 
and how his anxious thoughts of me have shadowed his life  and
weakened his strength and energy  by turning them always upon one
idea   If I could ever set this right   If I could ever work out
his restoration  as I have so innocently been the cause of his
decline  

I had never before seen Agnes cry   I had seen tears in her eyes
when I had brought new honours home from school  and I had seen
them there when we last spoke about her father  and I had seen her
turn her gentle head aside when we took leave of one another  but
I had never seen her grieve like this   It made me so sorry that I
could only say  in a foolish  helpless manner   Pray  Agnes  don t 
Don t  my dear sister  

But Agnes was too superior to me in character and purpose  as I
know well now  whatever I might know or not know then  to be long
in need of my entreaties   The beautiful  calm manner  which makes
her so different in my remembrance from everybody else  came back
again  as if a cloud had passed from a serene sky 

 We are not likely to remain alone much longer   said Agnes   and
while I have an opportunity  let me earnestly entreat you 
Trotwood  to be friendly to Uriah   Don t repel him   Don t resent
 as I think you have a general disposition to do  what may be
uncongenial to you in him   He may not deserve it  for we know no
certain ill of him   In any case  think first of papa and me  

Agnes had no time to say more  for the room door opened  and Mrs 
Waterbrook  who was a large lady   or who wore a large dress  I
don t exactly know which  for I don t know which was dress and
which was lady   came sailing in   I had a dim recollection of
having seen her at the theatre  as if I had seen her in a pale
magic lantern  but she appeared to remember me perfectly  and still
to suspect me of being in a state of intoxication 

Finding by degrees  however  that I was sober  and  I hope  that I
was a modest young gentleman  Mrs  Waterbrook softened towards me
considerably  and inquired  firstly  if I went much into the parks 
and secondly  if I went much into society   On my replying to both
these questions in the negative  it occurred to me that I fell
again in her good opinion  but she concealed the fact gracefully 
and invited me to dinner next day   I accepted the invitation  and
took my leave  making a call on Uriah in the office as I went out 
and leaving a card for him in his absence 

When I went to dinner next day  and on the street door being
opened  plunged into a vapour bath of haunch of mutton  I divined
that I was not the only guest  for I immediately identified the
ticket porter in disguise  assisting the family servant  and
waiting at the foot of the stairs to carry up my name   He looked 
to the best of his ability  when he asked me for it confidentially 
as if he had never seen me before  but well did I know him  and
well did he know me   Conscience made cowards of us both 

I found Mr  Waterbrook to be a middle aged gentleman  with a short
throat  and a good deal of shirt collar  who only wanted a black
nose to be the portrait of a pug dog   He told me he was happy to
have the honour of making my acquaintance  and when I had paid my
homage to Mrs  Waterbrook  presented me  with much ceremony  to a
very awful lady in a black velvet dress  and a great black velvet
hat  whom I remember as looking like a near relation of Hamlet s  
say his aunt 

Mrs  Henry Spiker was this lady s name  and her husband was there
too  so cold a man  that his head  instead of being grey  seemed to
be sprinkled with hoar frost   Immense deference was shown to the
Henry Spikers  male and female  which Agnes told me was on account
of Mr  Henry Spiker being solicitor to something Or to Somebody  I
forget what or which  remotely connected with the Treasury 

I found Uriah Heep among the company  in a suit of black  and in
deep humility   He told me  when I shook hands with him  that he
was proud to be noticed by me  and that he really felt obliged to
me for my condescension   I could have wished he had been less
obliged to me  for he hovered about me in his gratitude all the
rest of the evening  and whenever I said a word to Agnes  was sure 
with his shadowless eyes and cadaverous face  to be looking gauntly
down upon us from behind 

There were other guests   all iced for the occasion  as it struck
me  like the wine   But there was one who attracted my attention
before he came in  on account of my hearing him announced as Mr 
Traddles   My mind flew back to Salem House  and could it be Tommy 
I thought  who used to draw the skeletons 

I looked for Mr  Traddles with unusual interest   He was a sober 
steady looking young man of retiring manners  with a comic head of
hair  and eyes that were rather wide open  and he got into an
obscure corner so soon  that I had some difficulty in making him
out   At length I had a good view of him  and either my vision
deceived me  or it was the old unfortunate Tommy 

I made my way to Mr  Waterbrook  and said  that I believed I had
the pleasure of seeing an old schoolfellow there 

 Indeed   said Mr  Waterbrook  surprised    You are too young to
have been at school with Mr  Henry Spiker  

 Oh  I don t mean him   I returned    I mean the gentleman named
Traddles  

 Oh   Aye  aye   Indeed   said my host  with much diminished
interest    Possibly  

 If it s really the same person   said I  glancing towards him   it
was at a place called Salem House where we were together  and he
was an excellent fellow  

 Oh yes   Traddles is a good fellow   returned my host nodding his
head with an air of toleration    Traddles is quite a good fellow  

 It s a curious coincidence   said I 

 It is really   returned my host   quite a coincidence  that
Traddles should be here at all  as Traddles was only invited this
morning  when the place at table  intended to be occupied by Mrs 
Henry Spiker s brother  became vacant  in consequence of his
indisposition   A very gentlemanly man  Mrs  Henry Spiker s
brother  Mr  Copperfield  

I murmured an assent  which was full of feeling  considering that
I knew nothing at all about him  and I inquired what Mr  Traddles
was by profession 

 Traddles   returned Mr  Waterbrook   is a young man reading for
the bar   Yes   He is quite a good fellow   nobody s enemy but his
own  

 Is he his own enemy   said I  sorry to hear this 

 Well   returned Mr  Waterbrook  pursing up his mouth  and playing
with his watch chain  in a comfortable  prosperous sort of way    I
should say he was one of those men who stand in their own light 
Yes  I should say he would never  for example  be worth five
hundred pound   Traddles was recommended to me by a professional
friend   Oh yes   Yes   He has a kind of talent for drawing briefs 
and stating a case in writing  plainly   I am able to throw
something in Traddles s way  in the course of the year  something
  for him   considerable   Oh yes   Yes  

I was much impressed by the extremely comfortable and satisfied
manner in which Mr  Waterbrook delivered himself of this little
word  Yes   every now and then   There was wonderful expression in
it   It completely conveyed the idea of a man who had been born 
not to say with a silver spoon  but with a scaling ladder  and had
gone on mounting all the heights of life one after another  until
now he looked  from the top of the fortifications  with the eye of
a philosopher and a patron  on the people down in the trenches 

My reflections on this theme were still in progress when dinner was
announced   Mr  Waterbrook went down with Hamlet s aunt   Mr  Henry
Spiker took Mrs  Waterbrook   Agnes  whom I should have liked to
take myself  was given to a simpering fellow with weak legs 
Uriah  Traddles  and I  as the junior part of the company  went
down last  how we could   I was not so vexed at losing Agnes as I
might have been  since it gave me an opportunity of making myself
known to Traddles on the stairs  who greeted me with great fervour 
while Uriah writhed with such obtrusive satisfaction and
self abasement  that I could gladly have pitched him over the
banisters 
Traddles and I were separated at table  being billeted in two
remote corners  he in the glare of a red velvet lady  I  in the
gloom of Hamlet s aunt   The dinner was very long  and the
conversation was about the Aristocracy   and Blood   Mrs 
Waterbrook repeatedly told us  that if she had a weakness  it was
Blood 

It occurred to me several times that we should have got on better 
if we had not been quite so genteel   We were so exceedingly
genteel  that our scope was very limited   A Mr  and Mrs  Gulpidge
were of the party  who had something to do at second hand  at
least  Mr  Gulpidge had  with the law business of the Bank  and
what with the Bank  and what with the Treasury  we were as
exclusive as the Court Circular   To mend the matter  Hamlet s aunt
had the family failing of indulging in soliloquy  and held forth in
a desultory manner  by herself  on every topic that was introduced 
These were few enough  to be sure  but as we always fell back upon
Blood  she had as wide a field for abstract speculation as her
nephew himself 

We might have been a party of Ogres  the conversation assumed such
a sanguine complexion 

 I confess I am of Mrs  Waterbrook s opinion   said Mr  Waterbrook 
with his wine glass at his eye    Other things are all very well in
their way  but give me Blood  

 Oh   There is nothing   observed Hamlet s aunt   so satisfactory
to one   There is nothing that is so much one s beau ideal of   of
all that sort of thing  speaking generally   There are some low
minds  not many  I am happy to believe  but there are some  that
would prefer to do what I should call bow down before idols 
Positively Idols   Before service  intellect  and so on   But these
are intangible points   Blood is not so   We see Blood in a nose 
and we know it   We meet with it in a chin  and we say   There it
is   That s Blood   It is an actual matter of fact   We point it
out   It admits of no doubt  

The simpering fellow with the weak legs  who had taken Agnes down 
stated the question more decisively yet  I thought 

 Oh  you know  deuce take it   said this gentleman  looking round
the board with an imbecile smile   we can t forego Blood  you know 
We must have Blood  you know   Some young fellows  you know  may be
a little behind their station  perhaps  in point of education and
behaviour  and may go a little wrong  you know  and get themselves
and other people into a variety of fixes   and all that   but deuce
take it  it s delightful to reflect that they ve got Blood in  em 
Myself  I d rather at any time be knocked down by a man who had got
Blood in him  than I d be picked up by a man who hadn t  

This sentiment  as compressing the general question into a
nutshell  gave the utmost satisfaction  and brought the gentleman
into great notice until the ladies retired   After that  I observed
that Mr  Gulpidge and Mr  Henry Spiker  who had hitherto been very
distant  entered into a defensive alliance against us  the common
enemy  and exchanged a mysterious dialogue across the table for our
defeat and overthrow 

 That affair of the first bond for four thousand five hundred
pounds has not taken the course that was expected  Spiker   said
Mr  Gulpidge 

 Do you mean the D  of A  s   said Mr  Spiker 

 The C  of B  s   said Mr  Gulpidge 

Mr  Spiker raised his eyebrows  and looked much concerned 

 When the question was referred to Lord   I needn t name him   said
Mr  Gulpidge  checking himself  

 I understand   said Mr  Spiker   N  

Mr  Gulpidge darkly nodded    was referred to him  his answer was 
 Money  or no release   

 Lord bless my soul   cried Mr  Spiker 

  Money  or no release    repeated Mr  Gulpidge  firmly    The next
in reversion   you understand me  

 K    said Mr  Spiker  with an ominous look 

   K  then positively refused to sign   He was attended at
Newmarket for that purpose  and he point blank refused to do it  

Mr  Spiker was so interested  that he became quite stony 

 So the matter rests at this hour   said Mr  Gulpidge  throwing
himself back in his chair    Our friend Waterbrook will excuse me
if I forbear to explain myself generally  on account of the
magnitude of the interests involved  

Mr  Waterbrook was only too happy  as it appeared to me  to have
such interests  and such names  even hinted at  across his table 
He assumed an expression of gloomy intelligence  though I am
persuaded he knew no more about the discussion than I did   and
highly approved of the discretion that had been observed   Mr 
Spiker  after the receipt of such a confidence  naturally desired
to favour his friend with a confidence of his own  therefore the
foregoing dialogue was succeeded by another  in which it was Mr 
Gulpidge s turn to be surprised  and that by another in which the
surprise came round to Mr  Spiker s turn again  and so on  turn and
turn about   All this time we  the outsiders  remained oppressed by
the tremendous interests involved in the conversation  and our host
regarded us with pride  as the victims of a salutary awe and
astonishment 
I was very glad indeed to get upstairs to Agnes  and to talk with
her in a corner  and to introduce Traddles to her  who was shy  but
agreeable  and the same good natured creature still   As he was
obliged to leave early  on account of going away next morning for
a month  I had not nearly so much conversation with him as I could
have wished  but we exchanged addresses  and promised ourselves the
pleasure of another meeting when he should come back to town   He
was greatly interested to hear that I knew Steerforth  and spoke of
him with such warmth that I made him tell Agnes what he thought of
him   But Agnes only looked at me the while  and very slightly
shook her head when only I observed her 

As she was not among people with whom I believed she could be very
much at home  I was almost glad to hear that she was going away
within a few days  though I was sorry at the prospect of parting
from her again so soon   This caused me to remain until all the
company were gone   Conversing with her  and hearing her sing  was
such a delightful reminder to me of my happy life in the grave old
house she had made so beautiful  that I could have remained there
half the night  but  having no excuse for staying any longer  when
the lights of Mr  Waterbrook s society were all snuffed out  I took
my leave very much against my inclination   I felt then  more than
ever  that she was my better Angel  and if I thought of her sweet
face and placid smile  as though they had shone on me from some
removed being  like an Angel  I hope I thought no harm 

I have said that the company were all gone  but I ought to have
excepted Uriah  whom I don t include in that denomination  and who
had never ceased to hover near us   He was close behind me when I
went downstairs   He was close beside me  when I walked away from
the house  slowly fitting his long skeleton fingers into the still
longer fingers of a great Guy Fawkes pair of gloves 

It was in no disposition for Uriah s company  but in remembrance of
the entreaty Agnes had made to me  that I asked him if he would
come home to my rooms  and have some coffee 

 Oh  really  Master Copperfield   he rejoined    I beg your pardon 
Mister Copperfield  but the other comes so natural  I don t like
that you should put a constraint upon yourself to ask a numble
person like me to your ouse  

 There is no constraint in the case   said I    Will you come  

 I should like to  very much   replied Uriah  with a writhe 

 Well  then  come along   said I 

I could not help being rather short with him  but he appeared not
to mind it   We went the nearest way  without conversing much upon
the road  and he was so humble in respect of those scarecrow
gloves  that he was still putting them on  and seemed to have made
no advance in that labour  when we got to my place 

I led him up the dark stairs  to prevent his knocking his head
against anything  and really his damp cold hand felt so like a frog
in mine  that I was tempted to drop it and run away   Agnes and
hospitality prevailed  however  and I conducted him to my fireside 
When I lighted my candles  he fell into meek transports with the
room that was revealed to him  and when I heated the coffee in an
unassuming block tin vessel in which Mrs  Crupp delighted to
prepare it  chiefly  I believe  because it was not intended for the
purpose  being a shaving pot  and because there was a patent
invention of great price mouldering away in the pantry   he
professed so much emotion  that I could joyfully have scalded him 

 Oh  really  Master Copperfield    I mean Mister Copperfield   said
Uriah   to see you waiting upon me is what I never could have
expected   But  one way and another  so many things happen to me
which I never could have expected  I am sure  in my umble station 
that it seems to rain blessings on my ed   You have heard
something  I des say  of a change in my expectations  Master
Copperfield    I should say  Mister Copperfield  

As he sat on my sofa  with his long knees drawn up under his
coffee cup  his hat and gloves upon the ground close to him  his
spoon going softly round and round  his shadowless red eyes  which
looked as if they had scorched their lashes off  turned towards me
without looking at me  the disagreeable dints I have formerly
described in his nostrils coming and going with his breath  and a
snaky undulation pervading his frame from his chin to his boots  I
decided in my own mind that I disliked him intensely   It made me
very uncomfortable to have him for a guest  for I was young then 
and unused to disguise what I so strongly felt 

 You have heard something  I des say  of a change in my
expectations  Master Copperfield    I should say  Mister
Copperfield   observed Uriah 

 Yes   said I   something  

 Ah  I thought Miss Agnes would know of it   he quietly returned 
 I m glad to find Miss Agnes knows of it   Oh  thank you  Master  
Mister Copperfield  

I could have thrown my bootjack at him  it lay ready on the rug  
for having entrapped me into the disclosure of anything concerning
Agnes  however immaterial   But I only drank my coffee 

 What a prophet you have shown yourself  Mister Copperfield  
pursued Uriah    Dear me  what a prophet you have proved yourself
to be   Don t you remember saying to me once  that perhaps I should
be a partner in Mr  Wickfield s business  and perhaps it might be
Wickfield and Heep   You may not recollect it  but when a person is
umble  Master Copperfield  a person treasures such things up  

 I recollect talking about it   said I   though I certainly did not
think it very likely then  
 Oh  who would have thought it likely  Mister Copperfield  
returned Uriah  enthusiastically    I am sure I didn t myself   I
recollect saying with my own lips that I was much too umble   So I
considered myself really and truly  

He sat  with that carved grin on his face  looking at the fire  as
I looked at him 

 But the umblest persons  Master Copperfield   he presently
resumed   may be the instruments of good   I am glad to think I
have been the instrument of good to Mr  Wickfield  and that I may
be more so   Oh what a worthy man he is  Mister Copperfield  but
how imprudent he has been  

 I am sorry to hear it   said I   I could not help adding  rather
pointedly   on all accounts  

 Decidedly so  Mister Copperfield   replied Uriah    On all
accounts   Miss Agnes s above all   You don t remember your own
eloquent expressions  Master Copperfield  but I remember how you
said one day that everybody must admire her  and how I thanked you
for it   You have forgot that  I have no doubt  Master
Copperfield  

 No   said I  drily 

 Oh how glad I am you have not   exclaimed Uriah    To think that
you should be the first to kindle the sparks of ambition in my
umble breast  and that you ve not forgot it   Oh    Would you
excuse me asking for a cup more coffee  

Something in the emphasis he laid upon the kindling of those
sparks  and something in the glance he directed at me as he said
it  had made me start as if I had seen him illuminated by a blaze
of light   Recalled by his request  preferred in quite another tone
of voice  I did the honours of the shaving pot  but I did them with
an unsteadiness of hand  a sudden sense of being no match for him 
and a perplexed suspicious anxiety as to what he might be going to
say next  which I felt could not escape his observation 

He said nothing at all   He stirred his coffee round and round  he
sipped it  he felt his chin softly with his grisly hand  he looked
at the fire  he looked about the room  he gasped rather than smiled
at me  he writhed and undulated about  in his deferential
servility  he stirred and sipped again  but he left the renewal of
the conversation to me 

 So  Mr  Wickfield   said I  at last   who is worth five hundred of
you   or me   for my life  I think  I could not have helped
dividing that part of the sentence with an awkward jerk   has been
imprudent  has he  Mr  Heep  

 Oh  very imprudent indeed  Master Copperfield   returned Uriah 
sighing modestly    Oh  very much so   But I wish you d call me
Uriah  if you please   It s like old times  

 Well  Uriah   said I  bolting it out with some difficulty 

 Thank you   he returned  with fervour    Thank you  Master
Copperfield   It s like the blowing of old breezes or the ringing
of old bellses to hear YOU say Uriah   I beg your pardon   Was I
making any observation  

 About Mr  Wickfield   I suggested 

 Oh   Yes  truly   said Uriah    Ah   Great imprudence  Master
Copperfield   It s a topic that I wouldn t touch upon  to any soul
but you   Even to you I can only touch upon it  and no more   If
anyone else had been in my place during the last few years  by this
time he would have had Mr  Wickfield  oh  what a worthy man he is 
Master Copperfield  too   under his thumb   Un  der  his thumb  
said Uriah  very slowly  as he stretched out his cruel looking hand
above my table  and pressed his own thumb upon it  until it shook 
and shook the room 

If I had been obliged to look at him with him splay foot on Mr 
Wickfield s head  I think I could scarcely have hated him more 

 Oh  dear  yes  Master Copperfield   he proceeded  in a soft voice 
most remarkably contrasting with the action of his thumb  which did
not diminish its hard pressure in the least degree   there s no
doubt of it   There would have been loss  disgrace  I don t know
what at all   Mr  Wickfield knows it   I am the umble instrument of
umbly serving him  and he puts me on an eminence I hardly could
have hoped to reach   How thankful should I be   With his face
turned towards me  as he finished  but without looking at me  he
took his crooked thumb off the spot where he had planted it  and
slowly and thoughtfully scraped his lank jaw with it  as if he were
shaving himself 

I recollect well how indignantly my heart beat  as I saw his crafty
face  with the appropriately red light of the fire upon it 
preparing for something else 

 Master Copperfield   he began    but am I keeping you up  

 You are not keeping me up   I generally go to bed late  

 Thank you  Master Copperfield   I have risen from my umble station
since first you used to address me  it is true  but I am umble
still   I hope I never shall be otherwise than umble   You will not
think the worse of my umbleness  if I make a little confidence to
you  Master Copperfield   Will you  

 Oh no   said I  with an effort 

 Thank you   He took out his pocket handkerchief  and began wiping
the palms of his hands    Miss Agnes  Master Copperfield   
 Well  Uriah  

 Oh  how pleasant to be called Uriah  spontaneously   he cried  and
gave himself a jerk  like a convulsive fish    You thought her
looking very beautiful tonight  Master Copperfield  

 I thought her looking as she always does  superior  in all
respects  to everyone around her   I returned 

 Oh  thank you   It s so true   he cried    Oh  thank you very much
for that  

 Not at all   I said  loftily    There is no reason why you should
thank me  

 Why that  Master Copperfield   said Uriah   is  in fact  the
confidence that I am going to take the liberty of reposing   Umble
as I am   he wiped his hands harder  and looked at them and at the
fire by turns   umble as my mother is  and lowly as our poor but
honest roof has ever been  the image of Miss Agnes  I don t mind
trusting you with my secret  Master Copperfield  for I have always
overflowed towards you since the first moment I had the pleasure of
beholding you in a pony shay  has been in my breast for years   Oh 
Master Copperfield  with what a pure affection do I love the ground
my Agnes walks on  

I believe I had a delirious idea of seizing the red hot poker out
of the fire  and running him through with it   It went from me with
a shock  like a ball fired from a rifle  but the image of Agnes 
outraged by so much as a thought of this red headed animal s 
remained in my mind when I looked at him  sitting all awry as if
his mean soul griped his body  and made me giddy   He seemed to
swell and grow before my eyes  the room seemed full of the echoes
of his voice  and the strange feeling  to which  perhaps  no one is
quite a stranger  that all this had occurred before  at some
indefinite time  and that I knew what he was going to say next 
took possession of me 

A timely observation of the sense of power that there was in his
face  did more to bring back to my remembrance the entreaty of
Agnes  in its full force  than any effort I could have made   I
asked him  with a better appearance of composure than I could have
thought possible a minute before  whether he had made his feelings
known to Agnes 

 Oh no  Master Copperfield   he returned   oh dear  no   Not to
anyone but you   You see I am only just emerging from my lowly
station   I rest a good deal of hope on her observing how useful I
am to her father  for I trust to be very useful to him indeed 
Master Copperfield   and how I smooth the way for him  and keep him
straight   She s so much attached to her father  Master Copperfield
 oh  what a lovely thing it is in a daughter    that I think she
may come  on his account  to be kind to me  

I fathomed the depth of the rascal s whole scheme  and understood
why he laid it bare 

 If you ll have the goodness to keep my secret  Master
Copperfield   he pursued   and not  in general  to go against me 
I shall take it as a particular favour   You wouldn t wish to make
unpleasantness   I know what a friendly heart you ve got  but
having only known me on my umble footing  on my umblest I should
say  for I am very umble still   you might  unbeknown  go against
me rather  with my Agnes   I call her mine  you see  Master
Copperfield   There s a song that says   I d crowns resign  to call
her mine   I hope to do it  one of these days  

Dear Agnes   So much too loving and too good for anyone that I
could think of  was it possible that she was reserved to be the
wife of such a wretch as this 

 There s no hurry at present  you know  Master Copperfield   Uriah
proceeded  in his slimy way  as I sat gazing at him  with this
thought in my mind    My Agnes is very young still  and mother and
me will have to work our way upwards  and make a good many new
arrangements  before it would be quite convenient   So I shall have
time gradually to make her familiar with my hopes  as opportunities
offer   Oh  I m so much obliged to you for this confidence   Oh 
it s such a relief  you can t think  to know that you understand
our situation  and are certain  as you wouldn t wish to make
unpleasantness in the family  not to go against me  

He took the hand which I dared not withhold  and having given it a
damp squeeze  referred to his pale faced watch 

 Dear me   he said   it s past one   The moments slip away so  in
the confidence of old times  Master Copperfield  that it s almost
half past one  

I answered that I had thought it was later   Not that I had really
thought so  but because my conversational powers were effectually
scattered 

 Dear me   he said  considering    The ouse that I am stopping at
  a sort of a private hotel and boarding ouse  Master Copperfield 
near the New River ed   will have gone to bed these two hours  

 I am sorry   I returned   that there is only one bed here  and
that I   

 Oh  don t think of mentioning beds  Master Copperfield   he
rejoined ecstatically  drawing up one leg    But would you have any
objections to my laying down before the fire  

 If it comes to that   I said   pray take my bed  and I ll lie down
before the fire  

His repudiation of this offer was almost shrill enough  in the
excess of its surprise and humility  to have penetrated to the ears
of Mrs  Crupp  then sleeping  I suppose  in a distant chamber 
situated at about the level of low water mark  soothed in her
slumbers by the ticking of an incorrigible clock  to which she
always referred me when we had any little difference on the score
of punctuality  and which was never less than three quarters of an
hour too slow  and had always been put right in the morning by the
best authorities   As no arguments I could urge  in my bewildered
condition  had the least effect upon his modesty in inducing him to
accept my bedroom  I was obliged to make the best arrangements I
could  for his repose before the fire   The mattress of the sofa
 which was a great deal too short for his lank figure   the sofa
pillows  a blanket  the table cover  a clean breakfast cloth  and
a great coat  made him a bed and covering  for which he was more
than thankful   Having lent him a night cap  which he put on at
once  and in which he made such an awful figure  that I have never
worn one since  I left him to his rest 

I never shall forget that night   I never shall forget how I turned
and tumbled  how I wearied myself with thinking about Agnes and
this creature  how I considered what could I do  and what ought I
to do  how I could come to no other conclusion than that the best
course for her peace was to do nothing  and to keep to myself what
I had heard   If I went to sleep for a few moments  the image of
Agnes with her tender eyes  and of her father looking fondly on
her  as I had so often seen him look  arose before me with
appealing faces  and filled me with vague terrors   When I awoke 
the recollection that Uriah was lying in the next room  sat heavy
on me like a waking nightmare  and oppressed me with a leaden
dread  as if I had had some meaner quality of devil for a lodger 

The poker got into my dozing thoughts besides  and wouldn t come
out   I thought  between sleeping and waking  that it was still red
hot  and I had snatched it out of the fire  and run him through the
body   I was so haunted at last by the idea  though I knew there
was nothing in it  that I stole into the next room to look at him 
There I saw him  lying on his back  with his legs extending to I
don t know where  gurglings taking place in his throat  stoppages
in his nose  and his mouth open like a post office   He was so much
worse in reality than in my distempered fancy  that afterwards I
was attracted to him in very repulsion  and could not help
wandering in and out every half hour or so  and taking another look
at him   Still  the long  long night seemed heavy and hopeless as
ever  and no promise of day was in the murky sky 

When I saw him going downstairs early in the morning  for  thank
Heaven  he would not stay to breakfast   it appeared to me as if
the night was going away in his person   When I went out to the
Commons  I charged Mrs  Crupp with particular directions to leave
the windows open  that my sitting room might be aired  and purged
of his presence 



CHAPTER   
I FALL INTO CAPTIVITY


I saw no more of Uriah Heep  until the day when Agnes left town 
I was at the coach office to take leave of her and see her go  and
there was he  returning to Canterbury by the same conveyance   It
was some small satisfaction to me to observe his spare 
short waisted  high shouldered  mulberry coloured great coat
perched up  in company with an umbrella like a small tent  on the
edge of the back seat on the roof  while Agnes was  of course 
inside  but what I underwent in my efforts to be friendly with him 
while Agnes looked on  perhaps deserved that little recompense   At
the coach window  as at the dinner party  he hovered about us
without a moment s intermission  like a great vulture  gorging
himself on every syllable that I said to Agnes  or Agnes said to
me 

In the state of trouble into which his disclosure by my fire had
thrown me  I had thought very much of the words Agnes had used in
reference to the partnership    I did what I hope was right 
Feeling sure that it was necessary for papa s peace that the
sacrifice should be made  I entreated him to make it    A miserable
foreboding that she would yield to  and sustain herself by  the
same feeling in reference to any sacrifice for his sake  had
oppressed me ever since   I knew how she loved him   I knew what
the devotion of her nature was   I knew from her own lips that she
regarded herself as the innocent cause of his errors  and as owing
him a great debt she ardently desired to pay   I had no consolation
in seeing how different she was from this detestable Rufus with the
mulberry coloured great coat  for I felt that in the very
difference between them  in the self denial of her pure soul and
the sordid baseness of his  the greatest danger lay   All this 
doubtless  he knew thoroughly  and had  in his cunning  considered
well 

Yet I was so certain that the prospect of such a sacrifice afar
off  must destroy the happiness of Agnes  and I was so sure  from
her manner  of its being unseen by her then  and having cast no
shadow on her yet  that I could as soon have injured her  as given
her any warning of what impended   Thus it was that we parted
without explanation  she waving her hand and smiling farewell from
the coach window  her evil genius writhing on the roof  as if he
had her in his clutches and triumphed 

I could not get over this farewell glimpse of them for a long time 
When Agnes wrote to tell me of her safe arrival  I was as miserable
as when I saw her going away   Whenever I fell into a thoughtful
state  this subject was sure to present itself  and all my
uneasiness was sure to be redoubled   Hardly a night passed without
my dreaming of it   It became a part of my life  and as inseparable
from my life as my own head 

I had ample leisure to refine upon my uneasiness  for Steerforth
was at Oxford  as he wrote to me  and when I was not at the
Commons  I was very much alone   I believe I had at this time some
lurking distrust of Steerforth   I wrote to him most affectionately
in reply to his  but I think I was glad  upon the whole  that he
could not come to London just then   I suspect the truth to be 
that the influence of Agnes was upon me  undisturbed by the sight
of him  and that it was the more powerful with me  because she had
so large a share in my thoughts and interest 

In the meantime  days and weeks slipped away   I was articled to
Spenlow and Jorkins   I had ninety pounds a year  exclusive of my
house rent and sundry collateral matters  from my aunt   My rooms
were engaged for twelve months certain  and though I still found
them dreary of an evening  and the evenings long  I could settle
down into a state of equable low spirits  and resign myself to
coffee  which I seem  on looking back  to have taken by the gallon
at about this period of my existence   At about this time  too  I
made three discoveries  first  that Mrs  Crupp was a martyr to a
curious disorder called  the spazzums   which was generally
accompanied with inflammation of the nose  and required to be
constantly treated with peppermint  secondly  that something
peculiar in the temperature of my pantry  made the brandy bottles
burst  thirdly  that I was alone in the world  and much given to
record that circumstance in fragments of English versification 

On the day when I was articled  no festivity took place  beyond my
having sandwiches and sherry into the office for the clerks  and
going alone to the theatre at night   I went to see The Stranger 
as a Doctors  Commons sort of play  and was so dreadfully cut up 
that I hardly knew myself in my own glass when I got home   Mr 
Spenlow remarked  on this occasion  when we concluded our business 
that he should have been happy to have seen me at his house at
Norwood to celebrate our becoming connected  but for his domestic
arrangements being in some disorder  on account of the expected
return of his daughter from finishing her education at Paris   But 
he intimated that when she came home he should hope to have the
pleasure of entertaining me   I knew that he was a widower with one
daughter  and expressed my acknowledgements 

Mr  Spenlow was as good as his word   In a week or two  he referred
to this engagement  and said  that if I would do him the favour to
come down next Saturday  and stay till Monday  he would be
extremely happy   Of course I said I would do him the favour  and
he was to drive me down in his phaeton  and to bring me back 

When the day arrived  my very carpet bag was an object of
veneration to the stipendiary clerks  to whom the house at Norwood
was a sacred mystery   One of them informed me that he had heard
that Mr  Spenlow ate entirely off plate and china  and another
hinted at champagne being constantly on draught  after the usual
custom of table beer   The old clerk with the wig  whose name was
Mr  Tiffey  had been down on business several times in the course
of his career  and had on each occasion penetrated to the
breakfast parlour   He described it as an apartment of the most
sumptuous nature  and said that he had drunk brown East India
sherry there  of a quality so precious as to make a man wink   We
had an adjourned cause in the Consistory that day   about
excommunicating a baker who had been objecting in a vestry to a
paving rate   and as the evidence was just twice the length of
Robinson Crusoe  according to a calculation I made  it was rather
late in the day before we finished   However  we got him
excommunicated for six weeks  and sentenced in no end of costs  and
then the baker s proctor  and the judge  and the advocates on both
sides  who were all nearly related   went out of town together  and
Mr  Spenlow and I drove away in the phaeton 

The phaeton was a very handsome affair  the horses arched their
necks and lifted up their legs as if they knew they belonged to
Doctors  Commons   There was a good deal of competition in the
Commons on all points of display  and it turned out some very
choice equipages then  though I always have considered  and always
shall consider  that in my time the great article of competition
there was starch  which I think was worn among the proctors to as
great an extent as it is in the nature of man to bear 

We were very pleasant  going down  and Mr  Spenlow gave me some
hints in reference to my profession   He said it was the genteelest
profession in the world  and must on no account be confounded with
the profession of a solicitor  being quite another sort of thing 
infinitely more exclusive  less mechanical  and more profitable 
We took things much more easily in the Commons than they could be
taken anywhere else  he observed  and that set us  as a privileged
class  apart   He said it was impossible to conceal the
disagreeable fact  that we were chiefly employed by solicitors  but
he gave me to understand that they were an inferior race of men 
universally looked down upon by all proctors of any pretensions 

I asked Mr  Spenlow what he considered the best sort of
professional business   He replied  that a good case of a disputed
will  where there was a neat little estate of thirty or forty
thousand pounds  was  perhaps  the best of all   In such a case  he
said  not only were there very pretty pickings  in the way of
arguments at every stage of the proceedings  and mountains upon
mountains of evidence on interrogatory and counter interrogatory
 to say nothing of an appeal lying  first to the Delegates  and
then to the Lords   but  the costs being pretty sure to come out of
the estate at last  both sides went at it in a lively and spirited
manner  and expense was no consideration   Then  he launched into
a general eulogium on the Commons   What was to be particularly
admired  he said  in the Commons  was its compactness   It was the
most conveniently organized place in the world   It was the
complete idea of snugness   It lay in a nutshell   For example  You
brought a divorce case  or a restitution case  into the Consistory 
Very good   You tried it in the Consistory   You made a quiet
little round game of it  among a family group  and you played it
out at leisure   Suppose you were not satisfied with the
Consistory  what did you do then   Why  you went into the Arches 
What was the Arches   The same court  in the same room  with the
same bar  and the same practitioners  but another judge  for there
the Consistory judge could plead any court day as an advocate 
Well  you played your round game out again   Still you were not
satisfied   Very good   What did you do then   Why  you went to the
Delegates   Who were the Delegates   Why  the Ecclesiastical
Delegates were the advocates without any business  who had looked
on at the round game when it was playing in both courts  and had
seen the cards shuffled  and cut  and played  and had talked to all
the players about it  and now came fresh  as judges  to settle the
matter to the satisfaction of everybody   Discontented people might
talk of corruption in the Commons  closeness in the Commons  and
the necessity of reforming the Commons  said Mr  Spenlow solemnly 
in conclusion  but when the price of wheat per bushel had been
highest  the Commons had been busiest  and a man might lay his hand
upon his heart  and say this to the whole world     Touch the
Commons  and down comes the country  

I listened to all this with attention  and though  I must say  I
had my doubts whether the country was quite as much obliged to the
Commons as Mr  Spenlow made out  I respectfully deferred to his
opinion   That about the price of wheat per bushel  I modestly felt
was too much for my strength  and quite settled the question   I
have never  to this hour  got the better of that bushel of wheat 
It has reappeared to annihilate me  all through my life  in
connexion with all kinds of subjects   I don t know now  exactly 
what it has to do with me  or what right it has to crush me  on an
infinite variety of occasions  but whenever I see my old friend the
bushel brought in by the head and shoulders  as he always is  I
observe   I give up a subject for lost 

This is a digression   I was not the man to touch the Commons  and
bring down the country   I submissively expressed  by my silence 
my acquiescence in all I had heard from my superior in years and
knowledge  and we talked about The Stranger and the Drama  and the
pairs of horses  until we came to Mr  Spenlow s gate 

There was a lovely garden to Mr  Spenlow s house  and though that
was not the best time of the year for seeing a garden  it was so
beautifully kept  that I was quite enchanted   There was a charming
lawn  there were clusters of trees  and there were perspective
walks that I could just distinguish in the dark  arched over with
trellis work  on which shrubs and flowers grew in the growing
season    Here Miss Spenlow walks by herself   I thought    Dear
me  

We went into the house  which was cheerfully lighted up  and into
a hall where there were all sorts of hats  caps  great coats 
plaids  gloves  whips  and walking sticks    Where is Miss Dora  
said Mr  Spenlow to the servant    Dora   I thought    What a
beautiful name  

We turned into a room near at hand  I think it was the identical
breakfast room  made memorable by the brown East Indian sherry  
and I heard a voice say   Mr  Copperfield  my daughter Dora  and my
daughter Dora s confidential friend   It was  no doubt  Mr 
Spenlow s voice  but I didn t know it  and I didn t care whose it
was   All was over in a moment   I had fulfilled my destiny   I was
a captive and a slave   I loved Dora Spenlow to distraction 

She was more than human to me   She was a Fairy  a Sylph  I don t
know what she was   anything that no one ever saw  and everything
that everybody ever wanted   I was swallowed up in an abyss of love
in an instant   There was no pausing on the brink  no looking down 
or looking back  I was gone  headlong  before I had sense to say a
word to her 

 I   observed a well remembered voice  when I had bowed and
murmured something   have seen Mr  Copperfield before  

The speaker was not Dora   No  the confidential friend  Miss
Murdstone 

I don t think I was much astonished   To the best of my judgement 
no capacity of astonishment was left in me   There was nothing
worth mentioning in the material world  but Dora Spenlow  to be
astonished about   I said   How do you do  Miss Murdstone   I hope
you are well    She answered   Very well    I said   How is Mr 
Murdstone   She replied   My brother is robust  I am obliged to
you  

Mr  Spenlow  who  I suppose  had been surprised to see us recognize
each other  then put in his word 

 I am glad to find   he said   Copperfield  that you and Miss
Murdstone are already acquainted  

 Mr  Copperfield and myself   said Miss Murdstone  with severe
composure   are connexions   We were once slightly acquainted   It
was in his childish days   Circumstances have separated us since 
I should not have known him  

I replied that I should have known her  anywhere   Which was true
enough 

 Miss Murdstone has had the goodness   said Mr  Spenlow to me   to
accept the office   if I may so describe it   of my daughter Dora s
confidential friend   My daughter Dora having  unhappily  no
mother  Miss Murdstone is obliging enough to become her companion
and protector  

A passing thought occurred to me that Miss Murdstone  like the
pocket instrument called a life preserver  was not so much designed
for purposes of protection as of assault   But as I had none but
passing thoughts for any subject save Dora  I glanced at her 
directly afterwards  and was thinking that I saw  in her prettily
pettish manner  that she was not very much inclined to be
particularly confidential to her companion and protector  when a
bell rang  which Mr  Spenlow said was the first dinner bell  and so
carried me off to dress 

The idea of dressing one s self  or doing anything in the way of
action  in that state of love  was a little too ridiculous   I
could only sit down before my fire  biting the key of my
carpet bag  and think of the captivating  girlish  bright eyed
lovely Dora   What a form she had  what a face she had  what a
graceful  variable  enchanting manner 

The bell rang again so soon that I made a mere scramble of my
dressing  instead of the careful operation I could have wished
under the circumstances  and went downstairs   There was some
company   Dora was talking to an old gentleman with a grey head 
Grey as he was   and a great grandfather into the bargain  for he
said so   I was madly jealous of him 

What a state of mind I was in   I was jealous of everybody   I
couldn t bear the idea of anybody knowing Mr  Spenlow better than
I did   It was torturing to me to hear them talk of occurrences in
which I had had no share   When a most amiable person  with a
highly polished bald head  asked me across the dinner table  if
that were the first occasion of my seeing the grounds  I could have
done anything to him that was savage and revengeful 

I don t remember who was there  except Dora   I have not the least
idea what we had for dinner  besides Dora   My impression is  that
I dined off Dora  entirely  and sent away half a dozen plates
untouched   I sat next to her   I talked to her   She had the most
delightful little voice  the gayest little laugh  the pleasantest
and most fascinating little ways  that ever led a lost youth into
hopeless slavery   She was rather diminutive altogether   So much
the more precious  I thought 

When she went out of the room with Miss Murdstone  no other ladies
were of the party   I fell into a reverie  only disturbed by the
cruel apprehension that Miss Murdstone would disparage me to her 
The amiable creature with the polished head told me a long story 
which I think was about gardening   I think I heard him say   my
gardener   several times   I seemed to pay the deepest attention to
him  but I was wandering in a garden of Eden all the while  with
Dora 

My apprehensions of being disparaged to the object of my engrossing
affection were revived when we went into the drawing room  by the
grim and distant aspect of Miss Murdstone   But I was relieved of
them in an unexpected manner 

 David Copperfield   said Miss Murdstone  beckoning me aside into
a window    A word  

I confronted Miss Murdstone alone 

 David Copperfield   said Miss Murdstone   I need not enlarge upon
family circumstances   They are not a tempting subject  
 Far from it  ma am   I returned 

 Far from it   assented Miss Murdstone    I do not wish to revive
the memory of past differences  or of past outrages   I have
received outrages from a person   a female I am sorry to say  for
the credit of my sex   who is not to be mentioned without scorn and
disgust  and therefore I would rather not mention her  

I felt very fiery on my aunt s account  but I said it would
certainly be better  if Miss Murdstone pleased  not to mention her 
I could not hear her disrespectfully mentioned  I added  without
expressing my opinion in a decided tone 

Miss Murdstone shut her eyes  and disdainfully inclined her head 
then  slowly opening her eyes  resumed 

 David Copperfield  I shall not attempt to disguise the fact  that
I formed an unfavourable opinion of you in your childhood   It may
have been a mistaken one  or you may have ceased to justify it 
That is not in question between us now   I belong to a family
remarkable  I believe  for some firmness  and I am not the creature
of circumstance or change   I may have my opinion of you   You may
have your opinion of me  

I inclined my head  in my turn 

 But it is not necessary   said Miss Murdstone   that these
opinions should come into collision here   Under existing
circumstances  it is as well on all accounts that they should not 
As the chances of life have brought us together again  and may
bring us together on other occasions  I would say  let us meet here
as distant acquaintances   Family circumstances are a sufficient
reason for our only meeting on that footing  and it is quite
unnecessary that either of us should make the other the subject of
remark   Do you approve of this  

 Miss Murdstone   I returned   I think you and Mr  Murdstone used
me very cruelly  and treated my mother with great unkindness   I
shall always think so  as long as I live   But I quite agree in
what you propose  

Miss Murdstone shut her eyes again  and bent her head   Then  just
touching the back of my hand with the tips of her cold  stiff
fingers  she walked away  arranging the little fetters on her
wrists and round her neck  which seemed to be the same set  in
exactly the same state  as when I had seen her last   These
reminded me  in reference to Miss Murdstone s nature  of the
fetters over a jail door  suggesting on the outside  to all
beholders  what was to be expected within 

All I know of the rest of the evening is  that I heard the empress
of my heart sing enchanted ballads in the French language 
generally to the effect that  whatever was the matter  we ought
always to dance  Ta ra la  Ta ra la  accompanying herself on a
glorified instrument  resembling a guitar   That I was lost in
blissful delirium   That I refused refreshment   That my soul
recoiled from punch particularly   That when Miss Murdstone took
her into custody and led her away  she smiled and gave me her
delicious hand   That I caught a view of myself in a mirror 
looking perfectly imbecile and idiotic   That I retired to bed in
a most maudlin state of mind  and got up in a crisis of feeble
infatuation 

It was a fine morning  and early  and I thought I would go and take
a stroll down one of those wire arched walks  and indulge my
passion by dwelling on her image   On my way through the hall  I
encountered her little dog  who was called Jip   short for Gipsy 
I approached him tenderly  for I loved even him  but he showed his
whole set of teeth  got under a chair expressly to snarl  and
wouldn t hear of the least familiarity 

The garden was cool and solitary   I walked about  wondering what
my feelings of happiness would be  if I could ever become engaged
to this dear wonder   As to marriage  and fortune  and all that  I
believe I was almost as innocently undesigning then  as when I
loved little Em ly   To be allowed to call her  Dora   to write to
her  to dote upon and worship her  to have reason to think that
when she was with other people she was yet mindful of me  seemed to
me the summit of human ambition   I am sure it was the summit of
mine   There is no doubt whatever that I was a lackadaisical young
spooney  but there was a purity of heart in all this  that prevents
my having quite a contemptuous recollection of it  let me laugh as
I may 

I had not been walking long  when I turned a corner  and met her 
I tingle again from head to foot as my recollection turns that
corner  and my pen shakes in my hand 

 You   are   out early  Miss Spenlow   said I 

 It s so stupid at home   she replied   and Miss Murdstone is so
absurd   She talks such nonsense about its being necessary for the
day to be aired  before I come out   Aired    She laughed  here  in
the most melodious manner    On a Sunday morning  when I don t
practise  I must do something   So I told papa last night I must
come out   Besides  it s the brightest time of the whole day 
Don t you think so  

I hazarded a bold flight  and said  not without stammering  that it
was very bright to me then  though it had been very dark to me a
minute before 

 Do you mean a compliment   said Dora   or that the weather has
really changed  

I stammered worse than before  in replying that I meant no
compliment  but the plain truth  though I was not aware of any
change having taken place in the weather   It was in the state of
my own feelings  I added bashfully  to clench the explanation 

I never saw such curls   how could I  for there never were such
curls    as those she shook out to hide her blushes   As to the
straw hat and blue ribbons which was on the top of the curls  if I
could only have hung it up in my room in Buckingham Street  what a
priceless possession it would have been 

 You have just come home from Paris   said I 

 Yes   said she    Have you ever been there  

 No  

 Oh  I hope you ll go soon   You would like it so much  

Traces of deep seated anguish appeared in my countenance   That she
should hope I would go  that she should think it possible I could
go  was insupportable   I depreciated Paris  I depreciated France 
I said I wouldn t leave England  under existing circumstances  for
any earthly consideration   Nothing should induce me   In short 
she was shaking the curls again  when the little dog came running
along the walk to our relief 

He was mortally jealous of me  and persisted in barking at me   She
took him up in her arms   oh my goodness    and caressed him  but
he persisted upon barking still   He wouldn t let me touch him 
when I tried  and then she beat him   It increased my sufferings
greatly to see the pats she gave him for punishment on the bridge
of his blunt nose  while he winked his eyes  and licked her hand 
and still growled within himself like a little double bass   At
length he was quiet   well he might be with her dimpled chin upon
his head    and we walked away to look at a greenhouse 

 You are not very intimate with Miss Murdstone  are you   said
Dora     My pet  

 The two last words were to the dog   Oh  if they had only been to
me  

 No   I replied    Not at all so  

 She is a tiresome creature   said Dora  pouting    I can t think
what papa can have been about  when he chose such a vexatious thing
to be my companion   Who wants a protector   I am sure I don t want
a protector   Jip can protect me a great deal better than Miss
Murdstone    can t you  Jip  dear  

He only winked lazily  when she kissed his ball of a head 

 Papa calls her my confidential friend  but I am sure she is no
such thing   is she  Jip   We are not going to confide in any such
cross people  Jip and I   We mean to bestow our confidence where we
like  and to find out our own friends  instead of having them found
out for us   don t we  Jip  

Jip made a comfortable noise  in answer  a little like a tea kettle
when it sings   As for me  every word was a new heap of fetters 
riveted above the last 

 It is very hard  because we have not a kind Mama  that we are to
have  instead  a sulky  gloomy old thing like Miss Murdstone 
always following us about   isn t it  Jip   Never mind  Jip   We
won t be confidential  and we ll make ourselves as happy as we can
in spite of her  and we ll tease her  and not please her   won t
we  Jip  

If it had lasted any longer  I think I must have gone down on my
knees on the gravel  with the probability before me of grazing
them  and of being presently ejected from the premises besides 
But  by good fortune the greenhouse was not far off  and these
words brought us to it 

It contained quite a show of beautiful geraniums   We loitered
along in front of them  and Dora often stopped to admire this one
or that one  and I stopped to admire the same one  and Dora 
laughing  held the dog up childishly  to smell the flowers  and if
we were not all three in Fairyland  certainly I was   The scent of
a geranium leaf  at this day  strikes me with a half comical half
serious wonder as to what change has come over me in a moment  and
then I see a straw hat and blue ribbons  and a quantity of curls 
and a little black dog being held up  in two slender arms  against
a bank of blossoms and bright leaves 

Miss Murdstone had been looking for us   She found us here  and
presented her uncongenial cheek  the little wrinkles in it filled
with hair powder  to Dora to be kissed   Then she took Dora s arm
in hers  and marched us into breakfast as if it were a soldier s
funeral 

How many cups of tea I drank  because Dora made it  I don t know 
But  I perfectly remember that I sat swilling tea until my whole
nervous system  if I had had any in those days  must have gone by
the board   By and by we went to church   Miss Murdstone was
between Dora and me in the pew  but I heard her sing  and the
congregation vanished   A sermon was delivered   about Dora  of
course   and I am afraid that is all I know of the service 

We had a quiet day   No company  a walk  a family dinner of four 
and an evening of looking over books and pictures  Miss Murdstone
with a homily before her  and her eye upon us  keeping guard
vigilantly   Ah  little did Mr  Spenlow imagine  when he sat
opposite to me after dinner that day  with his pocket handkerchief
over his head  how fervently I was embracing him  in my fancy  as
his son in law   Little did he think  when I took leave of him at
night  that he had just given his full consent to my being engaged
to Dora  and that I was invoking blessings on his head 

We departed early in the morning  for we had a Salvage case coming
on in the Admiralty Court  requiring a rather accurate knowledge of
the whole science of navigation  in which  as we couldn t be
expected to know much about those matters in the Commons  the judge
had entreated two old Trinity Masters  for charity s sake  to come
and help him out   Dora was at the breakfast table to make the tea
again  however  and I had the melancholy pleasure of taking off my
hat to her in the phaeton  as she stood on the door step with Jip
in her arms 

What the Admiralty was to me that day  what nonsense I made of our
case in my mind  as I listened to it  how I saw  DORA  engraved
upon the blade of the silver oar which they lay upon the table  as
the emblem of that high jurisdiction  and how I felt when Mr 
Spenlow went home without me  I had had an insane hope that he
might take me back again   as if I were a mariner myself  and the
ship to which I belonged had sailed away and left me on a desert
island  I shall make no fruitless effort to describe   If that
sleepy old court could rouse itself  and present in any visible
form the daydreams I have had in it about Dora  it would reveal my
truth 

I don t mean the dreams that I dreamed on that day alone  but day
after day  from week to week  and term to term   I went there  not
to attend to what was going on  but to think about Dora   If ever
I bestowed a thought upon the cases  as they dragged their slow
length before me  it was only to wonder  in the matrimonial cases
 remembering Dora   how it was that married people could ever be
otherwise than happy  and  in the Prerogative cases  to consider 
if the money in question had been left to me  what were the
foremost steps I should immediately have taken in regard to Dora 
Within the first week of my passion  I bought four sumptuous
waistcoats   not for myself  I had no pride in them  for Dora   and
took to wearing straw coloured kid gloves in the streets  and laid
the foundations of all the corns I have ever had   If the boots I
wore at that period could only be produced and compared with the
natural size of my feet  they would show what the state of my heart
was  in a most affecting manner 

And yet  wretched cripple as I made myself by this act of homage to
Dora  I walked miles upon miles daily in the hope of seeing her 
Not only was I soon as well known on the Norwood Road as the
postmen on that beat  but I pervaded London likewise   I walked
about the streets where the best shops for ladies were  I haunted
the Bazaar like an unquiet spirit  I fagged through the Park again
and again  long after I was quite knocked up   Sometimes  at long
intervals and on rare occasions  I saw her   Perhaps I saw her
glove waved in a carriage window  perhaps I met her  walked with
her and Miss Murdstone a little way  and spoke to her   In the
latter case I was always very miserable afterwards  to think that
I had said nothing to the purpose  or that she had no idea of the
extent of my devotion  or that she cared nothing about me   I was
always looking out  as may be supposed  for another invitation to
Mr  Spenlow s house   I was always being disappointed  for I got
none 

Mrs  Crupp must have been a woman of penetration  for when this
attachment was but a few weeks old  and I had not had the courage
to write more explicitly even to Agnes  than that I had been to Mr 
Spenlow s house   whose family   I added   consists of one
daughter     I say Mrs  Crupp must have been a woman of
penetration  for  even in that early stage  she found it out   She
came up to me one evening  when I was very low  to ask  she being
then afflicted with the disorder I have mentioned  if I could
oblige her with a little tincture of cardamums mixed with rhubarb 
and flavoured with seven drops of the essence of cloves  which was
the best remedy for her complaint    or  if I had not such a thing
by me  with a little brandy  which was the next best   It was not 
she remarked  so palatable to her  but it was the next best   As I
had never even heard of the first remedy  and always had the second
in the closet  I gave Mrs  Crupp a glass of the second  which  that
I might have no suspicion of its being devoted to any improper use 
she began to take in my presence 

 Cheer up  sir   said Mrs  Crupp    I can t abear to see you so 
sir  I m a mother myself  

I did not quite perceive the application of this fact to myself 
but I smiled on Mrs  Crupp  as benignly as was in my power 

 Come  sir   said Mrs  Crupp    Excuse me   I know what it is  sir 
There s a lady in the case  

 Mrs  Crupp   I returned  reddening 

 Oh  bless you   Keep a good heart  sir   said Mrs  Crupp  nodding
encouragement    Never say die  sir   If She don t smile upon you 
there s a many as will   You are a young gentleman to be smiled on 
Mr  Copperfull  and you must learn your walue  sir  

Mrs  Crupp always called me Mr  Copperfull  firstly  no doubt 
because it was not my name  and secondly  I am inclined to think 
in some indistinct association with a washing day 

 What makes you suppose there is any young lady in the case  Mrs 
Crupp   said I 

 Mr  Copperfull   said Mrs  Crupp  with a great deal of feeling 
 I m a mother myself  

For some time Mrs  Crupp could only lay her hand upon her nankeen
bosom  and fortify herself against returning pain with sips of her
medicine   At length she spoke again 

 When the present set were took for you by your dear aunt  Mr 
Copperfull   said Mrs  Crupp   my remark were  I had now found
summun I could care for    Thank Ev in   were the expression   I
have now found summun I can care for     You don t eat enough  sir 
nor yet drink  

 Is that what you found your supposition on  Mrs  Crupp   said I 

 Sir   said Mrs  Crupp  in a tone approaching to severity   I ve
laundressed other young gentlemen besides yourself   A young
gentleman may be over careful of himself  or he may be
under careful of himself   He may brush his hair too regular  or
too un regular   He may wear his boots much too large for him  or
much too small   That is according as the young gentleman has his
original character formed   But let him go to which extreme he may 
sir  there s a young lady in both of  em  

Mrs  Crupp shook her head in such a determined manner  that I had
not an inch of vantage ground left 

 It was but the gentleman which died here before yourself   said
Mrs  Crupp   that fell in love   with a barmaid   and had his
waistcoats took in directly  though much swelled by drinking  

 Mrs  Crupp   said I   I must beg you not to connect the young lady
in my case with a barmaid  or anything of that sort  if you
please  

 Mr  Copperfull   returned Mrs  Crupp   I m a mother myself  and
not likely   I ask your pardon  sir  if I intrude   I should never
wish to intrude where I were not welcome   But you are a young
gentleman  Mr  Copperfull  and my adwice to you is  to cheer up 
sir  to keep a good heart  and to know your own walue   If you was
to take to something  sir   said Mrs  Crupp   if you was to take to
skittles  now  which is healthy  you might find it divert your
mind  and do you good  

With these words  Mrs  Crupp  affecting to be very careful of the
brandy   which was all gone   thanked me with a majestic curtsey 
and retired   As her figure disappeared into the gloom of the
entry  this counsel certainly presented itself to my mind in the
light of a slight liberty on Mrs  Crupp s part  but  at the same
time  I was content to receive it  in another point of view  as a
word to the wise  and a warning in future to keep my secret better 



CHAPTER   
TOMMY TRADDLES


It may have been in consequence of Mrs  Crupp s advice  and 
perhaps  for no better reason than because there was a certain
similarity in the sound of the word skittles and Traddles  that it
came into my head  next day  to go and look after Traddles   The
time he had mentioned was more than out  and he lived in a little
street near the Veterinary College at Camden Town  which was
principally tenanted  as one of our clerks who lived in that
direction informed me  by gentlemen students  who bought live
donkeys  and made experiments on those quadrupeds in their private
apartments   Having obtained from this clerk a direction to the
academic grove in question  I set out  the same afternoon  to visit
my old schoolfellow 

I found that the street was not as desirable a one as I could have
wished it to be  for the sake of Traddles   The inhabitants
appeared to have a propensity to throw any little trifles they were
not in want of  into the road  which not only made it rank and
sloppy  but untidy too  on account of the cabbage leaves   The
refuse was not wholly vegetable either  for I myself saw a shoe  a
doubled up saucepan  a black bonnet  and an umbrella  in various
stages of decomposition  as I was looking out for the number I
wanted 

The general air of the place reminded me forcibly of the days when
I lived with Mr  and Mrs  Micawber   An indescribable character of
faded gentility that attached to the house I sought  and made it
unlike all the other houses in the street   though they were all
built on one monotonous pattern  and looked like the early copies
of a blundering boy who was learning to make houses  and had not
yet got out of his cramped brick and mortar pothooks   reminded me
still more of Mr  and Mrs  Micawber   Happening to arrive at the
door as it was opened to the afternoon milkman  I was reminded of
Mr  and Mrs  Micawber more forcibly yet 

 Now   said the milkman to a very youthful servant girl    Has that
there little bill of mine been heerd on  

 Oh  master says he ll attend to it immediate   was the reply 

 Because   said the milkman  going on as if he had received no
answer  and speaking  as I judged from his tone  rather for the
edification of somebody within the house  than of the youthful
servant   an impression which was strengthened by his manner of
glaring down the passage    because that there little bill has been
running so long  that I begin to believe it s run away altogether 
and never won t be heerd of   Now  I m not a going to stand it  you
know   said the milkman  still throwing his voice into the house 
and glaring down the passage 

As to his dealing in the mild article of milk  by the by  there
never was a greater anomaly   His deportment would have been fierce
in a butcher or a brandy merchant 

The voice of the youthful servant became faint  but she seemed to
me  from the action of her lips  again to murmur that it would be
attended to immediate 

 I tell you what   said the milkman  looking hard at her for the
first time  and taking her by the chin   are you fond of milk  

 Yes  I likes it   she replied 
 Good   said the milkman    Then you won t have none tomorrow 
D ye hear   Not a fragment of milk you won t have tomorrow  

I thought she seemed  upon the whole  relieved by the prospect of
having any today   The milkman  after shaking his head at her
darkly  released her chin  and with anything rather than good will
opened his can  and deposited the usual quantity in the family jug 
This done  he went away  muttering  and uttered the cry of his
trade next door  in a vindictive shriek 

 Does Mr  Traddles live here   I then inquired 

A mysterious voice from the end of the passage replied  Yes    Upon
which the youthful servant replied  Yes  

 Is he at home   said I 

Again the mysterious voice replied in the affirmative  and again
the servant echoed it   Upon this  I walked in  and in pursuance of
the servant s directions walked upstairs  conscious  as I passed
the back parlour door  that I was surveyed by a mysterious eye 
probably belonging to the mysterious voice 

When I got to the top of the stairs   the house was only a story
high above the ground floor   Traddles was on the landing to meet
me   He was delighted to see me  and gave me welcome  with great
heartiness  to his little room   It was in the front of the house 
and extremely neat  though sparely furnished   It was his only
room  I saw  for there was a sofa bedstead in it  and his
blacking brushes and blacking were among his books   on the top
shelf  behind a dictionary   His table was covered with papers  and
he was hard at work in an old coat   I looked at nothing  that I
know of  but I saw everything  even to the prospect of a church
upon his china inkstand  as I sat down   and this  too  was a
faculty confirmed in me in the old Micawber times   Various
ingenious arrangements he had made  for the disguise of his chest
of drawers  and the accommodation of his boots  his shaving glass 
and so forth  particularly impressed themselves upon me  as
evidences of the same Traddles who used to make models of
elephants  dens in writing paper to put flies in  and to comfort
himself under ill usage  with the memorable works of art I have so
often mentioned 

In a corner of the room was something neatly covered up with a
large white cloth   I could not make out what that was 

 Traddles   said I  shaking hands with him again  after I had sat
down   I am delighted to see you  

 I am delighted to see YOU  Copperfield   he returned    I am very
glad indeed to see you   It was because I was thoroughly glad to
see you when we met in Ely Place  and was sure you were thoroughly
glad to see me  that I gave you this address instead of my address
at chambers  
 Oh   You have chambers   said I 

 Why  I have the fourth of a room and a passage  and the fourth of
a clerk   returned Traddles    Three others and myself unite to
have a set of chambers   to look business like   and we quarter the
clerk too   Half a crown a week he costs me  

His old simple character and good temper  and something of his old
unlucky fortune also  I thought  smiled at me in the smile with
which he made this explanation 

 It s not because I have the least pride  Copperfield  you
understand   said Traddles   that I don t usually give my address
here   It s only on account of those who come to me  who might not
like to come here   For myself  I am fighting my way on in the
world against difficulties  and it would be ridiculous if I made a
pretence of doing anything else  

 You are reading for the bar  Mr  Waterbrook informed me   said I 

 Why  yes   said Traddles  rubbing his hands slowly over one
another    I am reading for the bar   The fact is  I have just
begun to keep my terms  after rather a long delay   It s some time
since I was articled  but the payment of that hundred pounds was a
great pull   A great pull   said Traddles  with a wince  as if he
had had a tooth out 

 Do you know what I can t help thinking of  Traddles  as I sit here
looking at you   I asked him 

 No   said he 

 That sky blue suit you used to wear  

 Lord  to be sure   cried Traddles  laughing    Tight in the arms
and legs  you know   Dear me   Well   Those were happy times 
weren t they  

 I think our schoolmaster might have made them happier  without
doing any harm to any of us  I acknowledge   I returned 

 Perhaps he might   said Traddles    But dear me  there was a good
deal of fun going on   Do you remember the nights in the bedroom 
When we used to have the suppers   And when you used to tell the
stories   Ha  ha  ha   And do you remember when I got caned for
crying about Mr  Mell   Old Creakle   I should like to see him
again  too  

 He was a brute to you  Traddles   said I  indignantly  for his
good humour made me feel as if I had seen him beaten but yesterday 

 Do you think so   returned Traddles    Really   Perhaps he was
rather   But it s all over  a long while   Old Creakle  

 You were brought up by an uncle  then   said I 

 Of course I was   said Traddles    The one I was always going to
write to   And always didn t  eh   Ha  ha  ha   Yes  I had an uncle
then   He died soon after I left school  

 Indeed  

 Yes   He was a retired   what do you call it    draper  
cloth merchant   and had made me his heir   But he didn t like me
when I grew up  

 Do you really mean that   said I   He was so composed  that I
fancied he must have some other meaning 

 Oh dear  yes  Copperfield   I mean it   replied Traddles    It was
an unfortunate thing  but he didn t like me at all   He said I
wasn t at all what he expected  and so he married his housekeeper  

 And what did you do   I asked 

 I didn t do anything in particular   said Traddles    I lived with
them  waiting to be put out in the world  until his gout
unfortunately flew to his stomach   and so he died  and so she
married a young man  and so I wasn t provided for  

 Did you get nothing  Traddles  after all  

 Oh dear  yes   said Traddles    I got fifty pounds   I had never
been brought up to any profession  and at first I was at a loss
what to do for myself   However  I began  with the assistance of
the son of a professional man  who had been to Salem House  
Yawler  with his nose on one side   Do you recollect him  

No   He had not been there with me  all the noses were straight in
my day 

 It don t matter   said Traddles    I began  by means of his
assistance  to copy law writings   That didn t answer very well 
and then I began to state cases for them  and make abstracts  and
that sort of work   For I am a plodding kind of fellow 
Copperfield  and had learnt the way of doing such things pithily 
Well   That put it in my head to enter myself as a law student  and
that ran away with all that was left of the fifty pounds   Yawler
recommended me to one or two other offices  however   Mr 
Waterbrook s for one   and I got a good many jobs   I was fortunate
enough  too  to become acquainted with a person in the publishing
way  who was getting up an Encyclopaedia  and he set me to work 
and  indeed   glancing at his table    I am at work for him at this
minute   I am not a bad compiler  Copperfield   said Traddles 
preserving the same air of cheerful confidence in all he said   but
I have no invention at all  not a particle   I suppose there never
was a young man with less originality than I have  

As Traddles seemed to expect that I should assent to this as a
matter of course  I nodded  and he went on  with the same sprightly
patience   I can find no better expression   as before 

 So  by little and little  and not living high  I managed to scrape
up the hundred pounds at last   said Traddles   and thank Heaven
that s paid   though it was   though it certainly was   said
Traddles  wincing again as if he had had another tooth out   a
pull   I am living by the sort of work I have mentioned  still  and
I hope  one of these days  to get connected with some newspaper 
which would almost be the making of my fortune   Now  Copperfield 
you are so exactly what you used to be  with that agreeable face 
and it s so pleasant to see you  that I sha n t conceal anything 
Therefore you must know that I am engaged  

Engaged   Oh  Dora 

 She is a curate s daughter   said Traddles   one of ten  down in
Devonshire   Yes   For he saw me glance  involuntarily  at the
prospect on the inkstand    That s the church   You come round here
to the left  out of this gate   tracing his finger along the
inkstand   and exactly where I hold this pen  there stands the
house   facing  you understand  towards the church  

The delight with which he entered into these particulars  did not
fully present itself to me until afterwards  for my selfish
thoughts were making a ground plan of Mr  Spenlow s house and
garden at the same moment 

 She is such a dear girl   said Traddles   a little older than me 
but the dearest girl   I told you I was going out of town   I have
been down there   I walked there  and I walked back  and I had the
most delightful time   I dare say ours is likely to be a rather
long engagement  but our motto is  Wait and hope   We always say
that    Wait and hope   we always say   And she would wait 
Copperfield  till she was sixty   any age you can mention   for
me  

Traddles rose from his chair  and  with a triumphant smile  put his
hand upon the white cloth I had observed 

 However   he said   it s not that we haven t made a beginning
towards housekeeping   No  no  we have begun   We must get on by
degrees  but we have begun   Here   drawing the cloth off with
great pride and care   are two pieces of furniture to commence
with   This flower pot and stand  she bought herself   You put that
in a parlour window   said Traddles  falling a little back from it
to survey it with the greater admiration   with a plant in it  and
  and there you are   This little round table with the marble top
 it s two feet ten in circumference   I bought   You want to lay a
book down  you know  or somebody comes to see you or your wife  and
wants a place to stand a cup of tea upon  and   and there you are
again   said Traddles    It s an admirable piece of workmanship  
firm as a rock  
I praised them both  highly  and Traddles replaced the covering as
carefully as he had removed it 

 It s not a great deal towards the furnishing   said Traddles   but
it s something   The table cloths  and pillow cases  and articles
of that kind  are what discourage me most  Copperfield   So does
the ironmongery   candle boxes  and gridirons  and that sort of
necessaries   because those things tell  and mount up   However 
 wait and hope   And I assure you she s the dearest girl  

 I am quite certain of it   said I 

 In the meantime   said Traddles  coming back to his chair   and
this is the end of my prosing about myself  I get on as well as I
can   I don t make much  but I don t spend much   In general  I
board with the people downstairs  who are very agreeable people
indeed   Both Mr  and Mrs  Micawber have seen a good deal of life 
and are excellent company  

 My dear Traddles   I quickly exclaimed    What are you talking
about  

Traddles looked at me  as if he wondered what I was talking about 

 Mr  and Mrs  Micawber   I repeated    Why  I am intimately
acquainted with them  

An opportune double knock at the door  which I knew well from old
experience in Windsor Terrace  and which nobody but Mr  Micawber
could ever have knocked at that door  resolved any doubt in my mind
as to their being my old friends   I begged Traddles to ask his
landlord to walk up   Traddles accordingly did so  over the
banister  and Mr  Micawber  not a bit changed   his tights  his
stick  his shirt collar  and his eye glass  all the same as ever  
came into the room with a genteel and youthful air 

 I beg your pardon  Mr  Traddles   said Mr  Micawber  with the old
roll in his voice  as he checked himself in humming a soft tune 
 I was not aware that there was any individual  alien to this
tenement  in your sanctum  

Mr  Micawber slightly bowed to me  and pulled up his shirt collar 

 How do you do  Mr  Micawber   said I 

 Sir   said Mr  Micawber   you are exceedingly obliging   I am in
statu quo  

 And Mrs  Micawber   I pursued 

 Sir   said Mr  Micawber   she is also  thank God  in statu quo  

 And the children  Mr  Micawber  

 Sir   said Mr  Micawber   I rejoice to reply that they are 
likewise  in the enjoyment of salubrity  

All this time  Mr  Micawber had not known me in the least  though
he had stood face to face with me   But now  seeing me smile  he
examined my features with more attention  fell back  cried   Is it
possible   Have I the pleasure of again beholding Copperfield   and
shook me by both hands with the utmost fervour 

 Good Heaven  Mr  Traddles   said Mr  Micawber   to think that I
should find you acquainted with the friend of my youth  the
companion of earlier days   My dear   calling over the banisters to
Mrs  Micawber  while Traddles looked  with reason  not a little
amazed at this description of me    Here is a gentleman in Mr 
Traddles s apartment  whom he wishes to have the pleasure of
presenting to you  my love  

Mr  Micawber immediately reappeared  and shook hands with me again 

 And how is our good friend the Doctor  Copperfield   said Mr 
Micawber   and all the circle at Canterbury  

 I have none but good accounts of them   said I 

 I am most delighted to hear it   said Mr  Micawber    It was at
Canterbury where we last met   Within the shadow  I may
figuratively say  of that religious edifice immortalized by
Chaucer  which was anciently the resort of Pilgrims from the
remotest corners of   in short   said Mr  Micawber   in the
immediate neighbourhood of the Cathedral  

I replied that it was   Mr  Micawber continued talking as volubly
as he could  but not  I thought  without showing  by some marks of
concern in his countenance  that he was sensible of sounds in the
next room  as of Mrs  Micawber washing her hands  and hurriedly
opening and shutting drawers that were uneasy in their action 

 You find us  Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber  with one eye on
Traddles   at present established  on what may be designated as a
small and unassuming scale  but  you are aware that I have  in the
course of my career  surmounted difficulties  and conquered
obstacles   You are no stranger to the fact  that there have been
periods of my life  when it has been requisite that I should pause 
until certain expected events should turn up  when it has been
necessary that I should fall back  before making what I trust I
shall not be accused of presumption in terming   a spring   The
present is one of those momentous stages in the life of man   You
find me  fallen back  FOR a spring  and I have every reason to
believe that a vigorous leap will shortly be the result  

I was expressing my satisfaction  when Mrs  Micawber came in  a
little more slatternly than she used to be  or so she seemed now 
to my unaccustomed eyes  but still with some preparation of herself
for company  and with a pair of brown gloves on 

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber  leading her towards me   here is a
gentleman of the name of Copperfield  who wishes to renew his
acquaintance with you  

It would have been better  as it turned out  to have led gently up
to this announcement  for Mrs  Micawber  being in a delicate state
of health  was overcome by it  and was taken so unwell  that Mr 
Micawber was obliged  in great trepidation  to run down to the
water butt in the backyard  and draw a basinful to lave her brow
with   She presently revived  however  and was really pleased to
see me   We had half an hour s talk  all together  and I asked her
about the twins  who  she said  were  grown great creatures   and
after Master and Miss Micawber  whom she described as  absolute
giants   but they were not produced on that occasion 

Mr  Micawber was very anxious that I should stay to dinner   I
should not have been averse to do so  but that I imagined I
detected trouble  and calculation relative to the extent of the
cold meat  in Mrs  Micawber s eye   I therefore pleaded another
engagement  and observing that Mrs  Micawber s spirits were
immediately lightened  I resisted all persuasion to forego it 

But I told Traddles  and Mr  and Mrs  Micawber  that before I could
think of leaving  they must appoint a day when they would come and
dine with me   The occupations to which Traddles stood pledged 
rendered it necessary to fix a somewhat distant one  but an
appointment was made for the purpose  that suited us all  and then
I took my leave 

Mr  Micawber  under pretence of showing me a nearer way than that
by which I had come  accompanied me to the corner of the street 
being anxious  he explained to me  to say a few words to an old
friend  in confidence 

 My dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   I need hardly tell you
that to have beneath our roof  under existing circumstances  a mind
like that which gleams   if I may be allowed the expression   which
gleams   in your friend Traddles  is an unspeakable comfort   With
a washerwoman  who exposes hard bake for sale in her
parlour window  dwelling next door  and a Bow street officer
residing over the way  you may imagine that his society is a source
of consolation to myself and to Mrs  Micawber   I am at present  my
dear Copperfield  engaged in the sale of corn upon commission   It
is not an avocation of a remunerative description   in other words 
it does not pay   and some temporary embarrassments of a pecuniary
nature have been the consequence   I am  however  delighted to add
that I have now an immediate prospect of something turning up  I am
not at liberty to say in what direction   which I trust will enable
me to provide  permanently  both for myself and for your friend
Traddles  in whom I have an unaffected interest   You may  perhaps 
be prepared to hear that Mrs  Micawber is in a state of health
which renders it not wholly improbable that an addition may be
ultimately made to those pledges of affection which   in short  to
the infantine group   Mrs  Micawber s family have been so good as
to express their dissatisfaction at this state of things   I have
merely to observe  that I am not aware that it is any business of
theirs  and that I repel that exhibition of feeling with scorn  and
with defiance  

Mr  Micawber then shook hands with me again  and left me 



CHAPTER   
Mr  MICAWBER S GAUNTLET


Until the day arrived on which I was to entertain my newly found
old friends  I lived principally on Dora and coffee   In my
love lorn condition  my appetite languished  and I was glad of it 
for I felt as though it would have been an act of perfidy towards
Dora to have a natural relish for my dinner   The quantity of
walking exercise I took  was not in this respect attended with its
usual consequence  as the disappointment counteracted the fresh
air   I have my doubts  too  founded on the acute experience
acquired at this period of my life  whether a sound enjoyment of
animal food can develop itself freely in any human subject who is
always in torment from tight boots   I think the extremities
require to be at peace before the stomach will conduct itself with
vigour 

On the occasion of this domestic little party  I did not repeat my
former extensive preparations   I merely provided a pair of soles 
a small leg of mutton  and a pigeon pie   Mrs  Crupp broke out into
rebellion on my first bashful hint in reference to the cooking of
the fish and joint  and said  with a dignified sense of injury 
 No   No  sir   You will not ask me sich a thing  for you are
better acquainted with me than to suppose me capable of doing what
I cannot do with ampial satisfaction to my own feelings   But  in
the end  a compromise was effected  and Mrs  Crupp consented to
achieve this feat  on condition that I dined from home for a
fortnight afterwards 

And here I may remark  that what I underwent from Mrs  Crupp  in
consequence of the tyranny she established over me  was dreadful 
I never was so much afraid of anyone   We made a compromise of
everything   If I hesitated  she was taken with that wonderful
disorder which was always lying in ambush in her system  ready  at
the shortest notice  to prey upon her vitals   If I rang the bell
impatiently  after half a dozen unavailing modest pulls  and she
appeared at last   which was not by any means to be relied upon  
she would appear with a reproachful aspect  sink breathless on a
chair near the door  lay her hand upon her nankeen bosom  and
become so ill  that I was glad  at any sacrifice of brandy or
anything else  to get rid of her   If I objected to having my bed
made at five o clock in the afternoon   which I do still think an
uncomfortable arrangement   one motion of her hand towards the same
nankeen region of wounded sensibility was enough to make me falter
an apology   In short  I would have done anything in an honourable
way rather than give Mrs  Crupp offence  and she was the terror of
my life 

I bought a second hand dumb waiter for this dinner party  in
preference to re engaging the handy young man  against whom I had
conceived a prejudice  in consequence of meeting him in the Strand 
one Sunday morning  in a waistcoat remarkably like one of mine 
which had been missing since the former occasion   The  young gal 
was re engaged  but on the stipulation that she should only bring
in the dishes  and then withdraw to the landing place  beyond the
outer door  where a habit of sniffing she had contracted would be
lost upon the guests  and where her retiring on the plates would be
a physical impossibility 

Having laid in the materials for a bowl of punch  to be compounded
by Mr  Micawber  having provided a bottle of lavender water  two
wax candles  a paper of mixed pins  and a pincushion  to assist
Mrs  Micawber in her toilette at my dressing table  having also
caused the fire in my bedroom to be lighted for Mrs  Micawber s
convenience  and having laid the cloth with my own hands  I awaited
the result with composure 

At the appointed time  my three visitors arrived together   Mr 
Micawber with more shirt collar than usual  and a new ribbon to his
eye glass  Mrs  Micawber with her cap in a whitey brown paper
parcel  Traddles carrying the parcel  and supporting Mrs  Micawber
on his arm   They were all delighted with my residence   When I
conducted Mrs  Micawber to my dressing table  and she saw the scale
on which it was prepared for her  she was in such raptures  that
she called Mr  Micawber to come in and look 

 My dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   this is luxurious   This
is a way of life which reminds me of the period when I was myself
in a state of celibacy  and Mrs  Micawber had not yet been
solicited to plight her faith at the Hymeneal altar  

 He means  solicited by him  Mr  Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber 
archly    He cannot answer for others  

 My dear   returned Mr  Micawber with sudden seriousness   I have
no desire to answer for others   I am too well aware that when  in
the inscrutable decrees of Fate  you were reserved for me  it is
possible you may have been reserved for one  destined  after a
protracted struggle  at length to fall a victim to pecuniary
involvements of a complicated nature   I understand your allusion 
my love   I regret it  but I can bear it  

 Micawber   exclaimed Mrs  Micawber  in tears    Have I deserved
this   I  who never have deserted you  who never WILL desert you 
Micawber  
 My love   said Mr  Micawber  much affected   you will forgive  and
our old and tried friend Copperfield will  I am sure  forgive  the
momentary laceration of a wounded spirit  made sensitive by a
recent collision with the Minion of Power   in other words  with a
ribald Turncock attached to the water works   and will pity  not
condemn  its excesses  

Mr  Micawber then embraced Mrs  Micawber  and pressed my hand 
leaving me to infer from this broken allusion that his domestic
supply of water had been cut off that afternoon  in consequence of
default in the payment of the company s rates 

To divert his thoughts from this melancholy subject  I informed Mr 
Micawber that I relied upon him for a bowl of punch  and led him to
the lemons   His recent despondency  not to say despair  was gone
in a moment   I never saw a man so thoroughly enjoy himself amid
the fragrance of lemon peel and sugar  the odour of burning rum 
and the steam of boiling water  as Mr  Micawber did that afternoon 
It was wonderful to see his face shining at us out of a thin cloud
of these delicate fumes  as he stirred  and mixed  and tasted  and
looked as if he were making  instead of punch  a fortune for his
family down to the latest posterity   As to Mrs  Micawber  I don t
know whether it was the effect of the cap  or the lavender water 
or the pins  or the fire  or the wax candles  but she came out of
my room  comparatively speaking  lovely   And the lark was never
gayer than that excellent woman 

I suppose   I never ventured to inquire  but I suppose   that Mrs 
Crupp  after frying the soles  was taken ill   Because we broke
down at that point   The leg of mutton came up very red within  and
very pale without  besides having a foreign substance of a gritty
nature sprinkled over it  as if if had had a fall into the ashes of
that remarkable kitchen fireplace   But we were not in condition to
judge of this fact from the appearance of the gravy  forasmuch as
the  young gal  had dropped it all upon the stairs   where it
remained  by the by  in a long train  until it was worn out   The
pigeon pie was not bad  but it was a delusive pie  the crust being
like a disappointing head  phrenologically speaking  full of lumps
and bumps  with nothing particular underneath   In short  the
banquet was such a failure that I should have been quite unhappy  
about the failure  I mean  for I was always unhappy about Dora   if
I had not been relieved by the great good humour of my company  and
by a bright suggestion from Mr  Micawber 

 My dear friend Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   accidents will
occur in the best regulated families  and in families not regulated
by that pervading influence which sanctifies while it enhances the
  a   I would say  in short  by the influence of Woman  in the
lofty character of Wife  they may be expected with confidence  and
must be borne with philosophy   If you will allow me to take the
liberty of remarking that there are few comestibles better  in
their way  than a Devil  and that I believe  with a little division
of labour  we could accomplish a good one if the young person in
attendance could produce a gridiron  I would put it to you  that
this little misfortune may be easily repaired  

There was a gridiron in the pantry  on which my morning rasher of
bacon was cooked   We had it in  in a twinkling  and immediately
applied ourselves to carrying Mr  Micawber s idea into effect   The
division of labour to which he had referred was this    Traddles
cut the mutton into slices  Mr  Micawber  who could do anything of
this sort to perfection  covered them with pepper  mustard  salt 
and cayenne  I put them on the gridiron  turned them with a fork 
and took them off  under Mr  Micawber s direction  and Mrs 
Micawber heated  and continually stirred  some mushroom ketchup in
a little saucepan   When we had slices enough done to begin upon 
we fell to  with our sleeves still tucked up at the wrist  more
slices sputtering and blazing on the fire  and our attention
divided between the mutton on our plates  and the mutton then
preparing 

What with the novelty of this cookery  the excellence of it  the
bustle of it  the frequent starting up to look after it  the
frequent sitting down to dispose of it as the crisp slices came off
the gridiron hot and hot  the being so busy  so flushed with the
fire  so amused  and in the midst of such a tempting noise and
savour  we reduced the leg of mutton to the bone   My own appetite
came back miraculously   I am ashamed to record it  but I really
believe I forgot Dora for a little while   I am satisfied that Mr 
and Mrs  Micawber could not have enjoyed the feast more  if they
had sold a bed to provide it   Traddles laughed as heartily  almost
the whole time  as he ate and worked   Indeed we all did  all at
once  and I dare say there was never a greater success 

We were at the height of our enjoyment  and were all busily
engaged  in our several departments  endeavouring to bring the last
batch of slices to a state of perfection that should crown the
feast  when I was aware of a strange presence in the room  and my
eyes encountered those of the staid Littimer  standing hat in hand
before me 

 What s the matter   I involuntarily asked 

 I beg your pardon  sir  I was directed to come in   Is my master
not here  sir  

 No  

 Have you not seen him  sir  

 No  don t you come from him  

 Not immediately so  sir  

 Did he tell you you would find him here  

 Not exactly so  sir   But I should think he might be here
tomorrow  as he has not been here today  
 Is he coming up from Oxford  

 I beg  sir   he returned respectfully   that you will be seated 
and allow me to do this    With which he took the fork from my
unresisting hand  and bent over the gridiron  as if his whole
attention were concentrated on it 

We should not have been much discomposed  I dare say  by the
appearance of Steerforth himself  but we became in a moment the
meekest of the meek before his respectable serving man   Mr 
Micawber  humming a tune  to show that he was quite at ease 
subsided into his chair  with the handle of a hastily concealed
fork sticking out of the bosom of his coat  as if he had stabbed
himself   Mrs  Micawber put on her brown gloves  and assumed a
genteel languor   Traddles ran his greasy hands through his hair 
and stood it bolt upright  and stared in confusion on the
table cloth   As for me  I was a mere infant at the head of my own
table  and hardly ventured to glance at the respectable phenomenon 
who had come from Heaven knows where  to put my establishment to
rights 

Meanwhile he took the mutton off the gridiron  and gravely handed
it round   We all took some  but our appreciation of it was gone 
and we merely made a show of eating it   As we severally pushed
away our plates  he noiselessly removed them  and set on the
cheese   He took that off  too  when it was done with  cleared the
table  piled everything on the dumb waiter  gave us our
wine glasses  and  of his own accord  wheeled the dumb waiter into
the pantry   All this was done in a perfect manner  and he never
raised his eyes from what he was about   Yet his very elbows  when
he had his back towards me  seemed to teem with the expression of
his fixed opinion that I was extremely young 

 Can I do anything more  sir  

I thanked him and said  No  but would he take no dinner himself 

 None  I am obliged to you  sir  

 Is Mr  Steerforth coming from Oxford  

 I beg your pardon  sir  

 Is Mr  Steerforth coming from Oxford  

 I should imagine that he might be here tomorrow  sir   I rather
thought he might have been here today  sir   The mistake is mine 
no doubt  sir  

 If you should see him first    said I 

 If you ll excuse me  sir  I don t think I shall see him first  

 In case you do   said I   pray say that I am sorry he was not here
today  as an old schoolfellow of his was here  

 Indeed  sir   and he divided a bow between me and Traddles  with
a glance at the latter 

He was moving softly to the door  when  in a forlorn hope of saying
something naturally   which I never could  to this man   I said 

 Oh  Littimer  

 Sir  

 Did you remain long at Yarmouth  that time  

 Not particularly so  sir  

 You saw the boat completed  

 Yes  sir   I remained behind on purpose to see the boat
completed  

 I know   He raised his eyes to mine respectfully 

 Mr  Steerforth has not seen it yet  I suppose  

 I really can t say  sir   I think   but I really can t say  sir 
I wish you good night  sir  

He comprehended everybody present  in the respectful bow with which
he followed these words  and disappeared   My visitors seemed to
breathe more freely when he was gone  but my own relief was very
great  for besides the constraint  arising from that extraordinary
sense of being at a disadvantage which I always had in this man s
presence  my conscience had embarrassed me with whispers that I had
mistrusted his master  and I could not repress a vague uneasy dread
that he might find it out   How was it  having so little in reality
to conceal  that I always DID feel as if this man were finding me
out 

Mr  Micawber roused me from this reflection  which was blended with
a certain remorseful apprehension of seeing Steerforth himself  by
bestowing many encomiums on the absent Littimer as a most
respectable fellow  and a thoroughly admirable servant   Mr 
Micawber  I may remark  had taken his full share of the general
bow  and had received it with infinite condescension 

 But punch  my dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber  tasting it 
 like time and tide  waits for no man   Ah  it is at the present
moment in high flavour   My love  will you give me your opinion  

Mrs  Micawber pronounced it excellent 

 Then I will drink   said Mr  Micawber   if my friend Copperfield
will permit me to take that social liberty  to the days when my
friend Copperfield and myself were younger  and fought our way in
the world side by side   I may say  of myself and Copperfield  in
words we have sung together before now  that

    We twa hae run about the braes
    And pu d the gowans  fine

  in a figurative point of view   on several occasions   I am not
exactly aware   said Mr  Micawber  with the old roll in his voice 
and the old indescribable air of saying something genteel   what
gowans may be  but I have no doubt that Copperfield and myself
would frequently have taken a pull at them  if it had been
feasible  

Mr  Micawber  at the then present moment  took a pull at his punch 
So we all did  Traddles evidently lost in wondering at what distant
time Mr  Micawber and I could have been comrades in the battle of
the world 

 Ahem   said Mr  Micawber  clearing his throat  and warming with
the punch and with the fire    My dear  another glass  

Mrs  Micawber said it must be very little  but we couldn t allow
that  so it was a glassful 

 As we are quite confidential here  Mr  Copperfield   said Mrs 
Micawber  sipping her punch   Mr  Traddles being a part of our
domesticity  I should much like to have your opinion on Mr 
Micawber s prospects   For corn   said Mrs  Micawber
argumentatively   as I have repeatedly said to Mr  Micawber  may be
gentlemanly  but it is not remunerative   Commission to the extent
of two and ninepence in a fortnight cannot  however limited our
ideas  be considered remunerative  

We were all agreed upon that 

 Then   said Mrs  Micawber  who prided herself on taking a clear
view of things  and keeping Mr  Micawber straight by her woman s
wisdom  when he might otherwise go a little crooked   then I ask
myself this question   If corn is not to be relied upon  what is 
Are coals to be relied upon   Not at all   We have turned our
attention to that experiment  on the suggestion of my family  and
we find it fallacious  

Mr  Micawber  leaning back in his chair with his hands in his
pockets  eyed us aside  and nodded his head  as much as to say that
the case was very clearly put 

 The articles of corn and coals   said Mrs  Micawber  still more
argumentatively   being equally out of the question  Mr 
Copperfield  I naturally look round the world  and say   What is
there in which a person of Mr  Micawber s talent is likely to
succeed   And I exclude the doing anything on commission  because
commission is not a certainty   What is best suited to a person of
Mr  Micawber s peculiar temperament is  I am convinced  a
certainty  

Traddles and I both expressed  by a feeling murmur  that this great
discovery was no doubt true of Mr  Micawber  and that it did him
much credit 

 I will not conceal from you  my dear Mr  Copperfield   said Mrs 
Micawber   that I have long felt the Brewing business to be
particularly adapted to Mr  Micawber   Look at Barclay and Perkins 
Look at Truman  Hanbury  and Buxton   It is on that extensive
footing that Mr  Micawber  I know from my own knowledge of him  is
calculated to shine  and the profits  I am told  are e NOR MOUS 
But if Mr  Micawber cannot get into those firms   which decline to
answer his letters  when he offers his services even in an inferior
capacity   what is the use of dwelling upon that idea   None   I
may have a conviction that Mr  Micawber s manners   

 Hem   Really  my dear   interposed Mr  Micawber 

 My love  be silent   said Mrs  Micawber  laying her brown glove on
his hand    I may have a conviction  Mr  Copperfield  that Mr 
Micawber s manners peculiarly qualify him for the Banking business 
I may argue within myself  that if I had a deposit at a
banking house  the manners of Mr  Micawber  as representing that
banking house  would inspire confidence  and must extend the
connexion   But if the various banking houses refuse to avail
themselves of Mr  Micawber s abilities  or receive the offer of
them with contumely  what is the use of dwelling upon THAT idea 
None   As to originating a banking business  I may know that there
are members of my family who  if they chose to place their money in
Mr  Micawber s hands  might found an establishment of that
description   But if they do NOT choose to place their money in Mr 
Micawber s hands   which they don t   what is the use of that 
Again I contend that we are no farther advanced than we were
before  

I shook my head  and said   Not a bit    Traddles also shook his
head  and said   Not a bit  

 What do I deduce from this   Mrs  Micawber went on to say  still
with the same air of putting a case lucidly    What is the
conclusion  my dear Mr  Copperfield  to which I am irresistibly
brought   Am I wrong in saying  it is clear that we must live  

I answered  Not at all   and Traddles answered  Not at all   and I
found myself afterwards sagely adding  alone  that a person must
either live or die 

 Just so   returned Mrs  Micawber   It is precisely that   And the
fact is  my dear Mr  Copperfield  that we can not live without
something widely different from existing circumstances shortly
turning up   Now I am convinced  myself  and this I have pointed
out to Mr  Micawber several times of late  that things cannot be
expected to turn up of themselves   We must  in a measure  assist
to turn them up   I may be wrong  but I have formed that opinion  

Both Traddles and I applauded it highly 

 Very well   said Mrs  Micawber    Then what do I recommend   Here
is Mr  Micawber with a variety of qualifications   with great
talent   

 Really  my love   said Mr  Micawber 

 Pray  my dear  allow me to conclude   Here is Mr  Micawber  with
a variety of qualifications  with great talent   I should say  with
genius  but that may be the partiality of a wife   

Traddles and I both murmured  No  

 And here is Mr  Micawber without any suitable position or
employment   Where does that responsibility rest   Clearly on
society   Then I would make a fact so disgraceful known  and boldly
challenge society to set it right   It appears to me  my dear Mr 
Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber  forcibly   that what Mr  Micawber
has to do  is to throw down the gauntlet to society  and say  in
effect   Show me who will take that up   Let the party immediately
step forward   

I ventured to ask Mrs  Micawber how this was to be done 

 By advertising   said Mrs  Micawber    in all the papers   It
appears to me  that what Mr  Micawber has to do  in justice to
himself  in justice to his family  and I will even go so far as to
say in justice to society  by which he has been hitherto
overlooked  is to advertise in all the papers  to describe himself
plainly as so and so  with such and such qualifications and to put
it thus   Now employ me  on remunerative terms  and address 
post paid  to W  M   Post Office  Camden Town   

 This idea of Mrs  Micawber s  my dear Copperfield   said Mr 
Micawber  making his shirt collar meet in front of his chin  and
glancing at me sideways   is  in fact  the Leap to which I alluded 
when I last had the pleasure of seeing you  

 Advertising is rather expensive   I remarked  dubiously 

 Exactly so   said Mrs  Micawber  preserving the same logical air 
 Quite true  my dear Mr  Copperfield   I have made the identical
observation to Mr  Micawber   It is for that reason especially 
that I think Mr  Micawber ought  as I have already said  in justice
to himself  in justice to his family  and in justice to society  to
raise a certain sum of money   on a bill  

Mr  Micawber  leaning back in his chair  trifled with his eye glass
and cast his eyes up at the ceiling  but I thought him observant of
Traddles  too  who was looking at the fire 

 If no member of my family   said Mrs  Micawber   is possessed of
sufficient natural feeling to negotiate that bill   I believe there
is a better business term to express what I mean   

Mr  Micawber  with his eyes still cast up at the ceiling  suggested
 Discount  

 To discount that bill   said Mrs  Micawber   then my opinion is 
that Mr  Micawber should go into the City  should take that bill
into the Money Market  and should dispose of it for what he can
get   If the individuals in the Money Market oblige Mr  Micawber to
sustain a great sacrifice  that is between themselves and their
consciences   I view it  steadily  as an investment   I recommend
Mr  Micawber  my dear Mr  Copperfield  to do the same  to regard it
as an investment which is sure of return  and to make up his mind
to any sacrifice  

I felt  but I am sure I don t know why  that this was self denying
and devoted in Mrs  Micawber  and I uttered a murmur to that
effect   Traddles  who took his tone from me  did likewise  still
looking at the fire 

 I will not   said Mrs  Micawber  finishing her punch  and
gathering her scarf about her shoulders  preparatory to her
withdrawal to my bedroom   I will not protract these remarks on the
subject of Mr  Micawber s pecuniary affairs   At your fireside  my
dear Mr  Copperfield  and in the presence of Mr  Traddles  who 
though not so old a friend  is quite one of ourselves  I could not
refrain from making you acquainted with the course I advise Mr 
Micawber to take   I feel that the time is arrived when Mr 
Micawber should exert himself and   I will add   assert himself 
and it appears to me that these are the means   I am aware that I
am merely a female  and that a masculine judgement is usually
considered more competent to the discussion of such questions 
still I must not forget that  when I lived at home with my papa and
mama  my papa was in the habit of saying   Emma s form is fragile 
but her grasp of a subject is inferior to none   That my papa was
too partial  I well know  but that he was an observer of character
in some degree  my duty and my reason equally forbid me to doubt  

With these words  and resisting our entreaties that she would grace
the remaining circulation of the punch with her presence  Mrs 
Micawber retired to my bedroom   And really I felt that she was a
noble woman   the sort of woman who might have been a Roman matron 
and done all manner of heroic things  in times of public trouble 

In the fervour of this impression  I congratulated Mr  Micawber on
the treasure he possessed   So did Traddles   Mr  Micawber extended
his hand to each of us in succession  and then covered his face
with his pocket handkerchief  which I think had more snuff upon it
than he was aware of   He then returned to the punch  in the
highest state of exhilaration 

He was full of eloquence   He gave us to understand that in our
children we lived again  and that  under the pressure of pecuniary
difficulties  any accession to their number was doubly welcome   He
said that Mrs  Micawber had latterly had her doubts on this point 
but that he had dispelled them  and reassured her   As to her
family  they were totally unworthy of her  and their sentiments
were utterly indifferent to him  and they might   I quote his own
expression   go to the Devil 

Mr  Micawber then delivered a warm eulogy on Traddles   He said
Traddles s was a character  to the steady virtues of which he  Mr 
Micawber  could lay no claim  but which  he thanked Heaven  he
could admire   He feelingly alluded to the young lady  unknown 
whom Traddles had honoured with his affection  and who had
reciprocated that affection by honouring and blessing Traddles with
her affection   Mr  Micawber pledged her   So did I   Traddles
thanked us both  by saying  with a simplicity and honesty I had
sense enough to be quite charmed with   I am very much obliged to
you indeed   And I do assure you  she s the dearest girl    

Mr  Micawber took an early opportunity  after that  of hinting 
with the utmost delicacy and ceremony  at the state of MY
affections   Nothing but the serious assurance of his friend
Copperfield to the contrary  he observed  could deprive him of the
impression that his friend Copperfield loved and was beloved 
After feeling very hot and uncomfortable for some time  and after
a good deal of blushing  stammering  and denying  I said  having my
glass in my hand   Well  I would give them D    which so excited
and gratified Mr  Micawber  that he ran with a glass of punch into
my bedroom  in order that Mrs  Micawber might drink D   who drank
it with enthusiasm  crying from within  in a shrill voice   Hear 
hear   My dear Mr  Copperfield  I am delighted   Hear   and tapping
at the wall  by way of applause 

Our conversation  afterwards  took a more worldly turn  Mr 
Micawber telling us that he found Camden Town inconvenient  and
that the first thing he contemplated doing  when the advertisement
should have been the cause of something satisfactory turning up 
was to move   He mentioned a terrace at the western end of Oxford
Street  fronting Hyde Park  on which he had always had his eye  but
which he did not expect to attain immediately  as it would require
a large establishment   There would probably be an interval  he
explained  in which he should content himself with the upper part
of a house  over some respectable place of business   say in
Piccadilly    which would be a cheerful situation for Mrs 
Micawber  and where  by throwing out a bow window  or carrying up
the roof another story  or making some little alteration of that
sort  they might live  comfortably and reputably  for a few years 
Whatever was reserved for him  he expressly said  or wherever his
abode might be  we might rely on this   there would always be a
room for Traddles  and a knife and fork for me   We acknowledged
his kindness  and he begged us to forgive his having launched into
these practical and business like details  and to excuse it as
natural in one who was making entirely new arrangements in life 

Mrs  Micawber  tapping at the wall again to know if tea were ready 
broke up this particular phase of our friendly conversation   She
made tea for us in a most agreeable manner  and  whenever I went
near her  in handing about the tea cups and bread and butter  asked
me  in a whisper  whether D  was fair  or dark  or whether she was
short  or tall  or something of that kind  which I think I liked 
After tea  we discussed a variety of topics before the fire  and
Mrs  Micawber was good enough to sing us  in a small  thin  flat
voice  which I remembered to have considered  when I first knew
her  the very table beer of acoustics  the favourite ballads of
 The Dashing White Sergeant   and  Little Tafflin    For both of
these songs Mrs  Micawber had been famous when she lived at home
with her papa and mama   Mr  Micawber told us  that when he heard
her sing the first one  on the first occasion of his seeing her
beneath the parental roof  she had attracted his attention in an
extraordinary degree  but that when it came to Little Tafflin  he
had resolved to win that woman or perish in the attempt 

It was between ten and eleven o clock when Mrs  Micawber rose to
replace her cap in the whitey brown paper parcel  and to put on her
bonnet   Mr  Micawber took the opportunity of Traddles putting on
his great coat  to slip a letter into my hand  with a whispered
request that I would read it at my leisure   I also took the
opportunity of my holding a candle over the banisters to light them
down  when Mr  Micawber was going first  leading Mrs  Micawber  and
Traddles was following with the cap  to detain Traddles for a
moment on the top of the stairs 

 Traddles   said I   Mr  Micawber don t mean any harm  poor fellow 
but  if I were you  I wouldn t lend him anything  

 My dear Copperfield   returned Traddles  smiling   I haven t got
anything to lend  

 You have got a name  you know   said I 

 Oh   You call THAT something to lend   returned Traddles  with a
thoughtful look 

 Certainly  

 Oh   said Traddles    Yes  to be sure   I am very much obliged to
you  Copperfield  but   I am afraid I have lent him that already  

 For the bill that is to be a certain investment   I inquired 

 No   said Traddles    Not for that one   This is the first I have
heard of that one   I have been thinking that he will most likely
propose that one  on the way home   Mine s another  

 I hope there will be nothing wrong about it   said I 
 I hope not   said Traddles    I should think not  though  because
he told me  only the other day  that it was provided for   That was
Mr  Micawber s expression   Provided for   

Mr  Micawber looking up at this juncture to where we were standing 
I had only time to repeat my caution   Traddles thanked me  and
descended   But I was much afraid  when I observed the good natured
manner in which he went down with the cap in his hand  and gave
Mrs  Micawber his arm  that he would be carried into the Money
Market neck and heels 

I returned to my fireside  and was musing  half gravely and half
laughing  on the character of Mr  Micawber and the old relations
between us  when I heard a quick step ascending the stairs   At
first  I thought it was Traddles coming back for something Mrs 
Micawber had left behind  but as the step approached  I knew it 
and felt my heart beat high  and the blood rush to my face  for it
was Steerforth s 

I was never unmindful of Agnes  and she never left that sanctuary
in my thoughts   if I may call it so   where I had placed her from
the first   But when he entered  and stood before me with his hand
out  the darkness that had fallen on him changed to light  and I
felt confounded and ashamed of having doubted one I loved so
heartily   I loved her none the less  I thought of her as the same
benignant  gentle angel in my life  I reproached myself  not her 
with having done him an injury  and I would have made him any
atonement if I had known what to make  and how to make it 

 Why  Daisy  old boy  dumb foundered   laughed Steerforth  shaking
my hand heartily  and throwing it gaily away    Have I detected you
in another feast  you Sybarite   These Doctors  Commons fellows are
the gayest men in town  I believe  and beat us sober Oxford people
all to nothing   His bright glance went merrily round the room  as
he took the seat on the sofa opposite to me  which Mrs  Micawber
had recently vacated  and stirred the fire into a blaze 

 I was so surprised at first   said I  giving him welcome with all
the cordiality I felt   that I had hardly breath to greet you with 
Steerforth  

 Well  the sight of me is good for sore eyes  as the Scotch say  
replied Steerforth   and so is the sight of you  Daisy  in full
bloom   How are you  my Bacchanal  

 I am very well   said I   and not at all Bacchanalian tonight 
though I confess to another party of three  

 All of whom I met in the street  talking loud in your praise  
returned Steerforth    Who s our friend in the tights  

I gave him the best idea I could  in a few words  of Mr  Micawber 
He laughed heartily at my feeble portrait of that gentleman  and
said he was a man to know  and he must know him 
 But who do you suppose our other friend is   said I  in my turn 

 Heaven knows   said Steerforth    Not a bore  I hope   I thought
he looked a little like one  

 Traddles   I replied  triumphantly 

 Who s he   asked Steerforth  in his careless way 

 Don t you remember Traddles   Traddles in our room at Salem
House  

 Oh   That fellow   said Steerforth  beating a lump of coal on the
top of the fire  with the poker    Is he as soft as ever   And
where the deuce did you pick him up  

I extolled Traddles in reply  as highly as I could  for I felt that
Steerforth rather slighted him   Steerforth  dismissing the subject
with a light nod  and a smile  and the remark that he would be glad
to see the old fellow too  for he had always been an odd fish 
inquired if I could give him anything to eat   During most of this
short dialogue  when he had not been speaking in a wild vivacious
manner  he had sat idly beating on the lump of coal with the poker 
I observed that he did the same thing while I was getting out the
remains of the pigeon pie  and so forth 

 Why  Daisy  here s a supper for a king   he exclaimed  starting
out of his silence with a burst  and taking his seat at the table 
 I shall do it justice  for I have come from Yarmouth  

 I thought you came from Oxford   I returned 

 Not I   said Steerforth    I have been seafaring   better
employed  

 Littimer was here today  to inquire for you   I remarked   and I
understood him that you were at Oxford  though  now I think of it 
he certainly did not say so  

 Littimer is a greater fool than I thought him  to have been
inquiring for me at all   said Steerforth  jovially pouring out a
glass of wine  and drinking to me    As to understanding him  you
are a cleverer fellow than most of us  Daisy  if you can do that  

 That s true  indeed   said I  moving my chair to the table    So
you have been at Yarmouth  Steerforth   interested to know all
about it    Have you been there long  

 No   he returned    An escapade of a week or so  

 And how are they all   Of course  little Emily is not married
yet  

 Not yet   Going to be  I believe   in so many weeks  or months  or
something or other   I have not seen much of  em   By the by   he
laid down his knife and fork  which he had been using with great
diligence  and began feeling in his pockets   I have a letter for
you  

 From whom  

 Why  from your old nurse   he returned  taking some papers out of
his breast pocket     J  Steerforth  Esquire  debtor  to The
Willing Mind   that s not it   Patience  and we ll find it
presently   Old what s his name s in a bad way  and it s about
that  I believe  

 Barkis  do you mean  

 Yes   still feeling in his pockets  and looking over their
contents   it s all over with poor Barkis  I am afraid   I saw a
little apothecary there   surgeon  or whatever he is   who brought
your worship into the world   He was mighty learned about the case 
to me  but the upshot of his opinion was  that the carrier was
making his last journey rather fast     Put your hand into the
breast pocket of my great coat on the chair yonder  and I think
you ll find the letter   Is it there  

 Here it is   said I 

 That s right  

It was from Peggotty  something less legible than usual  and brief 
It informed me of her husband s hopeless state  and hinted at his
being  a little nearer  than heretofore  and consequently more
difficult to manage for his own comfort   It said nothing of her
weariness and watching  and praised him highly   It was written
with a plain  unaffected  homely piety that I knew to be genuine 
and ended with  my duty to my ever darling    meaning myself 

While I deciphered it  Steerforth continued to eat and drink 

 It s a bad job   he said  when I had done   but the sun sets every
day  and people die every minute  and we mustn t be scared by the
common lot   If we failed to hold our own  because that equal foot
at all men s doors was heard knocking somewhere  every object in
this world would slip from us   No   Ride on   Rough shod if need
be  smooth shod if that will do  but ride on   Ride on over all
obstacles  and win the race  

 And win what race   said I 

 The race that one has started in   said he    Ride on  

I noticed  I remember  as he paused  looking at me with his
handsome head a little thrown back  and his glass raised in his
hand  that  though the freshness of the sea wind was on his face 
and it was ruddy  there were traces in it  made since I last saw
it  as if he had applied himself to some habitual strain of the
fervent energy which  when roused  was so passionately roused
within him   I had it in my thoughts to remonstrate with him upon
his desperate way of pursuing any fancy that he took   such as this
buffeting of rough seas  and braving of hard weather  for example
  when my mind glanced off to the immediate subject of our
conversation again  and pursued that instead 

 I tell you what  Steerforth   said I   if your high spirits will
listen to me   

 They are potent spirits  and will do whatever you like   he
answered  moving from the table to the fireside again 

 Then I tell you what  Steerforth   I think I will go down and see
my old nurse   It is not that I can do her any good  or render her
any real service  but she is so attached to me that my visit will
have as much effect on her  as if I could do both   She will take
it so kindly that it will be a comfort and support to her   It is
no great effort to make  I am sure  for such a friend as she has
been to me   Wouldn t you go a day s journey  if you were in my
place  

His face was thoughtful  and he sat considering a little before he
answered  in a low voice   Well   Go   You can do no harm  

 You have just come back   said I   and it would be in vain to ask
you to go with me  

 Quite   he returned    I am for Highgate tonight   I have not seen
my mother this long time  and it lies upon my conscience  for it s
something to be loved as she loves her prodigal son     Bah 
Nonsense    You mean to go tomorrow  I suppose   he said  holding
me out at arm s length  with a hand on each of my shoulders 

 Yes  I think so  

 Well  then  don t go till next day   I wanted you to come and stay
a few days with us   Here I am  on purpose to bid you  and you fly
off to Yarmouth  

 You are a nice fellow to talk of flying off  Steerforth  who are
always running wild on some unknown expedition or other  

He looked at me for a moment without speaking  and then rejoined 
still holding me as before  and giving me a shake 

 Come   Say the next day  and pass as much of tomorrow as you can
with us  Who knows when we may meet again  else   Come   Say the
next day   I want you to stand between Rosa Dartle and me  and keep
us asunder  

 Would you love each other too much  without me  

 Yes  or hate   laughed Steerforth   no matter which   Come   Say
the next day  

I said the next day  and he put on his great coat and lighted his
cigar  and set off to walk home   Finding him in this intention  I
put on my own great coat  but did not light my own cigar  having
had enough of that for one while  and walked with him as far as the
open road  a dull road  then  at night   He was in great spirits
all the way  and when we parted  and I looked after him going so
gallantly and airily homeward  I thought of his saying   Ride on
over all obstacles  and win the race   and wished  for the first
time  that he had some worthy race to run 

I was undressing in my own room  when Mr  Micawber s letter tumbled
on the floor   Thus reminded of it  I broke the seal and read as
follows   It was dated an hour and a half before dinner   I am not
sure whether I have mentioned that  when Mr  Micawber was at any
particularly desperate crisis  he used a sort of legal phraseology 
which he seemed to think equivalent to winding up his affairs 


 SIR   for I dare not say my dear Copperfield 

 It is expedient that I should inform you that the undersigned is
Crushed   Some flickering efforts to spare you the premature
knowledge of his calamitous position  you may observe in him this
day  but hope has sunk beneath the horizon  and the undersigned is
Crushed 

 The present communication is penned within the personal range  I
cannot call it the society  of an individual  in a state closely
bordering on intoxication  employed by a broker   That individual
is in legal possession of the premises  under a distress for rent 
His inventory includes  not only the chattels and effects of every
description belonging to the undersigned  as yearly tenant of this
habitation  but also those appertaining to Mr  Thomas Traddles 
lodger  a member of the Honourable Society of the Inner Temple 

 If any drop of gloom were wanting in the overflowing cup  which is
now  commended   in the language of an immortal Writer  to the lips
of the undersigned  it would be found in the fact  that a friendly
acceptance granted to the undersigned  by the before mentioned Mr 
Thomas Traddles  for the sum Of   l  s      d is over due  and is
NOT provided for   Also  in the fact that the living
responsibilities clinging to the undersigned will  in the course of
nature  be increased by the sum of one more helpless victim  whose
miserable appearance may be looked for   in round numbers   at the
expiration of a period not exceeding six lunar months from the
present date 

 After premising thus much  it would be a work of supererogation to
add  that dust and ashes are for ever scattered

                On
                     The
                          Head
                               Of
                                    WILKINS MICAWBER  


Poor Traddles   I knew enough of Mr  Micawber by this time  to
foresee that he might be expected to recover the blow  but my
night s rest was sorely distressed by thoughts of Traddles  and of
the curate s daughter  who was one of ten  down in Devonshire  and
who was such a dear girl  and who would wait for Traddles  ominous
praise   until she was sixty  or any age that could be mentioned 



CHAPTER   
I VISIT STEERFORTH AT HIS HOME  AGAIN


I mentioned to Mr  Spenlow in the morning  that I wanted leave of
absence for a short time  and as I was not in the receipt of any
salary  and consequently was not obnoxious to the implacable
Jorkins  there was no difficulty about it   I took that
opportunity  with my voice sticking in my throat  and my sight
failing as I uttered the words  to express my hope that Miss
Spenlow was quite well  to which Mr  Spenlow replied  with no more
emotion than if he had been speaking of an ordinary human being 
that he was much obliged to me  and she was very well 

We articled clerks  as germs of the patrician order of proctors 
were treated with so much consideration  that I was almost my own
master at all times   As I did not care  however  to get to
Highgate before one or two o clock in the day  and as we had
another little excommunication case in court that morning  which
was called The office of the judge promoted by Tipkins against
Bullock for his soul s correction  I passed an hour or two in
attendance on it with Mr  Spenlow very agreeably   It arose out of
a scuffle between two churchwardens  one of whom was alleged to
have pushed the other against a pump  the handle of which pump
projecting into a school house  which school house was under a
gable of the church roof  made the push an ecclesiastical offence 
It was an amusing case  and sent me up to Highgate  on the box of
the stage coach  thinking about the Commons  and what Mr  Spenlow
had said about touching the Commons and bringing down the country 

Mrs  Steerforth was pleased to see me  and so was Rosa Dartle   I
was agreeably surprised to find that Littimer was not there  and
that we were attended by a modest little parlour maid  with blue
ribbons in her cap  whose eye it was much more pleasant  and much
less disconcerting  to catch by accident  than the eye of that
respectable man   But what I particularly observed  before I had
been half an hour in the house  was the close and attentive watch
Miss Dartle kept upon me  and the lurking manner in which she
seemed to compare my face with Steerforth s  and Steerforth s with
mine  and to lie in wait for something to come out between the two 
So surely as I looked towards her  did I see that eager visage 
with its gaunt black eyes and searching brow  intent on mine  or
passing suddenly from mine to Steerforth s  or comprehending both
of us at once   In this lynx like scrutiny she was so far from
faltering when she saw I observed it  that at such a time she only
fixed her piercing look upon me with a more intent expression
still   Blameless as I was  and knew that I was  in reference to
any wrong she could possibly suspect me of  I shrunk before her
strange eyes  quite unable to endure their hungry lustre 

All day  she seemed to pervade the whole house   If I talked to
Steerforth in his room  I heard her dress rustle in the little
gallery outside   When he and I engaged in some of our old
exercises on the lawn behind the house  I saw her face pass from
window to window  like a wandering light  until it fixed itself in
one  and watched us   When we all four went out walking in the
afternoon  she closed her thin hand on my arm like a spring  to
keep me back  while Steerforth and his mother went on out of
hearing  and then spoke to me 

 You have been a long time   she said   without coming here   Is
your profession really so engaging and interesting as to absorb
your whole attention   I ask because I always want to be informed 
when I am ignorant   Is it really  though  

I replied that I liked it well enough  but that I certainly could
not claim so much for it 

 Oh  I am glad to know that  because I always like to be put right
when I am wrong   said Rosa Dartle    You mean it is a little dry 
perhaps  

 Well   I replied   perhaps it was a little dry  

 Oh  and that s a reason why you want relief and change  
excitement and all that   said she    Ah  very true   But isn t it
a little   Eh    for him  I don t mean you  

A quick glance of her eye towards the spot where Steerforth was
walking  with his mother leaning on his arm  showed me whom she
meant  but beyond that  I was quite lost   And I looked so  I have
no doubt 

 Don t it   I don t say that it does  mind I want to know   don t
it rather engross him   Don t it make him  perhaps  a little more
remiss than usual in his visits to his blindly doting   eh    With
another quick glance at them  and such a glance at me as seemed to
look into my innermost thoughts 

 Miss Dartle   I returned   pray do not think   

 I don t   she said    Oh dear me  don t suppose that I think
anything   I am not suspicious   I only ask a question   I don t
state any opinion   I want to found an opinion on what you tell me 
Then  it s not so   Well  I am very glad to know it  

 It certainly is not the fact   said I  perplexed   that I am
accountable for Steerforth s having been away from home longer than
usual   if he has been  which I really don t know at this moment 
unless I understand it from you   I have not seen him this long
while  until last night  

 No  

 Indeed  Miss Dartle  no  

As she looked full at me  I saw her face grow sharper and paler 
and the marks of the old wound lengthen out until it cut through
the disfigured lip  and deep into the nether lip  and slanted down
the face   There was something positively awful to me in this  and
in the brightness of her eyes  as she said  looking fixedly at me 

 What is he doing  

I repeated the words  more to myself than her  being so amazed 

 What is he doing   she said  with an eagerness that seemed enough
to consume her like a fire    In what is that man assisting him 
who never looks at me without an inscrutable falsehood in his eyes 
If you are honourable and faithful  I don t ask you to betray your
friend   I ask you only to tell me  is it anger  is it hatred  is
it pride  is it restlessness  is it some wild fancy  is it love 
what is it  that is leading him  

 Miss Dartle   I returned   how shall I tell you  so that you will
believe me  that I know of nothing in Steerforth different from
what there was when I first came here   I can think of nothing   I
firmly believe there is nothing   I hardly understand even what you
mean  

As she still stood looking fixedly at me  a twitching or throbbing 
from which I could not dissociate the idea of pain  came into that
cruel mark  and lifted up the corner of her lip as if with scorn 
or with a pity that despised its object   She put her hand upon it
hurriedly   a hand so thin and delicate  that when I had seen her
hold it up before the fire to shade her face  I had compared it in
my thoughts to fine porcelain   and saying  in a quick  fierce 
passionate way   I swear you to secrecy about this   said not a
word more 

Mrs  Steerforth was particularly happy in her son s society  and
Steerforth was  on this occasion  particularly attentive and
respectful to her   It was very interesting to me to see them
together  not only on account of their mutual affection  but
because of the strong personal resemblance between them  and the
manner in which what was haughty or impetuous in him was softened
by age and sex  in her  to a gracious dignity   I thought  more
than once  that it was well no serious cause of division had ever
come between them  or two such natures   I ought rather to express
it  two such shades of the same nature   might have been harder to
reconcile than the two extremest opposites in creation   The idea
did not originate in my own discernment  I am bound to confess  but
in a speech of Rosa Dartle s 

She said at dinner 

 Oh  but do tell me  though  somebody  because I have been thinking
about it all day  and I want to know  

 You want to know what  Rosa   returned Mrs  Steerforth    Pray 
pray  Rosa  do not be mysterious  

 Mysterious   she cried    Oh  really   Do you consider me so  

 Do I constantly entreat you   said Mrs  Steerforth   to speak
plainly  in your own natural manner  

 Oh  then this is not my natural manner   she rejoined    Now you
must really bear with me  because I ask for information   We never
know ourselves  

 It has become a second nature   said Mrs  Steerforth  without any
displeasure   but I remember    and so must you  I think    when
your manner was different  Rosa  when it was not so guarded  and
was more trustful  

 I am sure you are right   she returned   and so it is that bad
habits grow upon one   Really   Less guarded and more trustful 
How can I  imperceptibly  have changed  I wonder   Well  that s
very odd   I must study to regain my former self  

 I wish you would   said Mrs  Steerforth  with a smile 

 Oh   I really will  you know   she answered    I will learn
frankness from   let me see   from James  

 You cannot learn frankness  Rosa   said Mrs  Steerforth quickly  
for there was always some effect of sarcasm in what Rosa Dartle
said  though it was said  as this was  in the most unconscious
manner in the world    in a better school  

 That I am sure of   she answered  with uncommon fervour    If I am
sure of anything  of course  you know  I am sure of that  

Mrs  Steerforth appeared to me to regret having been a little
nettled  for she presently said  in a kind tone 

 Well  my dear Rosa  we have not heard what it is that you want to
be satisfied about  

 That I want to be satisfied about   she replied  with provoking
coldness    Oh   It was only whether people  who are like each
other in their moral constitution   is that the phrase  

 It s as good a phrase as another   said Steerforth 

 Thank you    whether people  who are like each other in their
moral constitution  are in greater danger than people not so
circumstanced  supposing any serious cause of variance to arise
between them  of being divided angrily and deeply  

 I should say yes   said Steerforth 

 Should you   she retorted    Dear me   Supposing then  for
instance   any unlikely thing will do for a supposition   that you
and your mother were to have a serious quarrel  

 My dear Rosa   interposed Mrs  Steerforth  laughing
good naturedly   suggest some other supposition   James and I know
our duty to each other better  I pray Heaven  

 Oh   said Miss Dartle  nodding her head thoughtfully    To be
sure   That would prevent it   Why  of course it would   Exactly 
Now  I am glad I have been so foolish as to put the case  for it is
so very good to know that your duty to each other would prevent it 
Thank you very much  

One other little circumstance connected with Miss Dartle I must not
omit  for I had reason to remember it thereafter  when all the
irremediable past was rendered plain   During the whole of this
day  but especially from this period of it  Steerforth exerted
himself with his utmost skill  and that was with his utmost ease 
to charm this singular creature into a pleasant and pleased
companion   That he should succeed  was no matter of surprise to
me   That she should struggle against the fascinating influence of
his delightful art   delightful nature I thought it then   did not
surprise me either  for I knew that she was sometimes jaundiced and
perverse   I saw her features and her manner slowly change  I saw
her look at him with growing admiration  I saw her try  more and
more faintly  but always angrily  as if she condemned a weakness in
herself  to resist the captivating power that he possessed  and
finally  I saw her sharp glance soften  and her smile become quite
gentle  and I ceased to be afraid of her as I had really been all
day  and we all sat about the fire  talking and laughing together 
with as little reserve as if we had been children 

Whether it was because we had sat there so long  or because
Steerforth was resolved not to lose the advantage he had gained  I
do not know  but we did not remain in the dining room more than
five minutes after her departure    She is playing her harp   said
Steerforth  softly  at the drawing room door   and nobody but my
mother has heard her do that  I believe  these three years    He
said it with a curious smile  which was gone directly  and we went
into the room and found her alone 

 Don t get up   said Steerforth  which she had already done   my
dear Rosa  don t   Be kind for once  and sing us an Irish song  

 What do you care for an Irish song   she returned 

 Much   said Steerforth    Much more than for any other   Here is
Daisy  too  loves music from his soul   Sing us an Irish song 
Rosa  and let me sit and listen as I used to do  

He did not touch her  or the chair from which she had risen  but
sat himself near the harp   She stood beside it for some little
while  in a curious way  going through the motion of playing it
with her right hand  but not sounding it   At length she sat down 
and drew it to her with one sudden action  and played and sang 

I don t know what it was  in her touch or voice  that made that
song the most unearthly I have ever heard in my life  or can
imagine   There was something fearful in the reality of it   It was
as if it had never been written  or set to music  but sprung out of
passion within her  which found imperfect utterance in the low
sounds of her voice  and crouched again when all was still   I was
dumb when she leaned beside the harp again  playing it  but not
sounding it  with her right hand 

A minute more  and this had roused me from my trance    Steerforth
had left his seat  and gone to her  and had put his arm laughingly
about her  and had said   Come  Rosa  for the future we will love
each other very much   And she had struck him  and had thrown him
off with the fury of a wild cat  and had burst out of the room 

 What is the matter with Rosa   said Mrs  Steerforth  coming in 

 She has been an angel  mother   returned Steerforth   for a little
while  and has run into the opposite extreme  since  by way of
compensation  

 You should be careful not to irritate her  James   Her temper has
been soured  remember  and ought not to be tried  

Rosa did not come back  and no other mention was made of her  until
I went with Steerforth into his room to say Good night   Then he
laughed about her  and asked me if I had ever seen such a fierce
little piece of incomprehensibility 

I expressed as much of my astonishment as was then capable of
expression  and asked if he could guess what it was that she had
taken so much amiss  so suddenly 

 Oh  Heaven knows   said Steerforth    Anything you like   or
nothing   I told you she took everything  herself included  to a
grindstone  and sharpened it   She is an edge tool  and requires
great care in dealing with   She is always dangerous   Good night  

 Good night   said I   my dear Steerforth   I shall be gone before
you wake in the morning   Good night  

He was unwilling to let me go  and stood  holding me out  with a
hand on each of my shoulders  as he had done in my own room 

 Daisy   he said  with a smile    for though that s not the name
your godfathers and godmothers gave you  it s the name I like best
to call you by   and I wish  I wish  I wish  you could give it to
me  

 Why so I can  if I choose   said I 

 Daisy  if anything should ever separate us  you must think of me
at my best  old boy   Come   Let us make that bargain   Think of me
at my best  if circumstances should ever part us  

 You have no best to me  Steerforth   said I   and no worst   You
are always equally loved  and cherished in my heart  

So much compunction for having ever wronged him  even by a
shapeless thought  did I feel within me  that the confession of
having done so was rising to my lips   But for the reluctance I had
to betray the confidence of Agnes  but for my uncertainty how to
approach the subject with no risk of doing so  it would have
reached them before he said   God bless you  Daisy  and good
night   In my doubt  it did NOT reach them  and we shook hands  and
we parted 

I was up with the dull dawn  and  having dressed as quietly as I
could  looked into his room   He was fast asleep  lying  easily 
with his head upon his arm  as I had often seen him lie at school 

The time came in its season  and that was very soon  when I almost
wondered that nothing troubled his repose  as I looked at him   But
he slept   let me think of him so again   as I had often seen him
sleep at school  and thus  in this silent hour  I left him 

  Never more  oh God forgive you  Steerforth  to touch that passive
hand in love and friendship   Never  never more 



CHAPTER   
A LOSS


I got down to Yarmouth in the evening  and went to the inn   I knew
that Peggotty s spare room   my room   was likely to have
occupation enough in a little while  if that great Visitor  before
whose presence all the living must give place  were not already in
the house  so I betook myself to the inn  and dined there  and
engaged my bed 

It was ten o clock when I went out   Many of the shops were shut 
and the town was dull   When I came to Omer and Joram s  I found
the shutters up  but the shop door standing open   As I could
obtain a perspective view of Mr  Omer inside  smoking his pipe by
the parlour door  I entered  and asked him how he was 

 Why  bless my life and soul   said Mr  Omer   how do you find
yourself   Take a seat     Smoke not disagreeable  I hope  

 By no means   said I    I like it   in somebody else s pipe  

 What  not in your own  eh   Mr  Omer returned  laughing    All the
better  sir   Bad habit for a young man   Take a seat   I smoke 
myself  for the asthma  

Mr  Omer had made room for me  and placed a chair   He now sat down
again very much out of breath  gasping at his pipe as if it
contained a supply of that necessary  without which he must perish 

 I am sorry to have heard bad news of Mr  Barkis   said I 

Mr  Omer looked at me  with a steady countenance  and shook his
head 

 Do you know how he is tonight   I asked 

 The very question I should have put to you  sir   returned Mr 
Omer   but on account of delicacy   It s one of the drawbacks of
our line of business   When a party s ill  we can t ask how the
party is  

The difficulty had not occurred to me  though I had had my
apprehensions too  when I went in  of hearing the old tune   On its
being mentioned  I recognized it  however  and said as much 

 Yes  yes  you understand   said Mr  Omer  nodding his head    We
dursn t do it   Bless you  it would be a shock that the generality
of parties mightn t recover  to say  Omer and Joram s compliments 
and how do you find yourself this morning     or this afternoon  
as it may be  

Mr  Omer and I nodded at each other  and Mr  Omer recruited his
wind by the aid of his pipe 

 It s one of the things that cut the trade off from attentions they
could often wish to show   said Mr  Omer    Take myself   If I have
known Barkis a year  to move to as he went by  I have known him
forty years   But I can t go and say   how is he   

I felt it was rather hard on Mr  Omer  and I told him so 

 I m not more self interested  I hope  than another man   said Mr 
Omer    Look at me   My wind may fail me at any moment  and it
ain t likely that  to my own knowledge  I d be self interested
under such circumstances   I say it ain t likely  in a man who
knows his wind will go  when it DOES go  as if a pair of bellows
was cut open  and that man a grandfather   said Mr  Omer 

I said   Not at all  

 It ain t that I complain of my line of business   said Mr  Omer 
 It ain t that   Some good and some bad goes  no doubt  to all
callings   What I wish is  that parties was brought up
stronger minded  

Mr  Omer  with a very complacent and amiable face  took several
puffs in silence  and then said  resuming his first point 

 Accordingly we re obleeged  in ascertaining how Barkis goes on  to
limit ourselves to Em ly   She knows what our real objects are  and
she don t have any more alarms or suspicions about us  than if we
was so many lambs   Minnie and Joram have just stepped down to the
house  in fact  she s there  after hours  helping her aunt a bit  
to ask her how he is tonight  and if you was to please to wait till
they come back  they d give you full partic lers   Will you take
something   A glass of srub and water  now   I smoke on srub and
water  myself   said Mr  Omer  taking up his glass   because it s
considered softening to the passages  by which this troublesome
breath of mine gets into action   But  Lord bless you   said Mr 
Omer  huskily   it ain t the passages that s out of order    Give
me breath enough   said I to my daughter Minnie   and I ll find
passages  my dear   

He really had no breath to spare  and it was very alarming to see
him laugh   When he was again in a condition to be talked to  I
thanked him for the proffered refreshment  which I declined  as I
had just had dinner  and  observing that I would wait  since he was
so good as to invite me  until his daughter and his son in law came
back  I inquired how little Emily was 

 Well  sir   said Mr  Omer  removing his pipe  that he might rub
his chin   I tell you truly  I shall be glad when her marriage has
taken place  

 Why so   I inquired 

 Well  she s unsettled at present   said Mr  Omer    It ain t that
she s not as pretty as ever  for she s prettier   I do assure you 
she is prettier   It ain t that she don t work as well as ever  for
she does   She WAS worth any six  and she IS worth any six   But
somehow she wants heart   If you understand   said Mr  Omer  after
rubbing his chin again  and smoking a little   what I mean in a
general way by the expression   A long pull  and a strong pull  and
a pull altogether  my hearties  hurrah   I should say to you  that
that was   in a general way   what I miss in Em ly  

Mr  Omer s face and manner went for so much  that I could
conscientiously nod my head  as divining his meaning   My quickness
of apprehension seemed to please him  and he went on 
 Now I consider this is principally on account of her being in an
unsettled state  you see   We have talked it over a good deal  her
uncle and myself  and her sweetheart and myself  after business 
and I consider it is principally on account of her being unsettled 
You must always recollect of Em ly   said Mr  Omer  shaking his
head gently   that she s a most extraordinary affectionate little
thing   The proverb says   You can t make a silk purse out of a
sow s ear   Well  I don t know about that   I rather think you may 
if you begin early in life   She has made a home out of that old
boat  sir  that stone and marble couldn t beat  

 I am sure she has   said I 

 To see the clinging of that pretty little thing to her uncle  
said Mr  Omer   to see the way she holds on to him  tighter and
tighter  and closer and closer  every day  is to see a sight   Now 
you know  there s a struggle going on when that s the case   Why
should it be made a longer one than is needful  

I listened attentively to the good old fellow  and acquiesced  with
all my heart  in what he said 

 Therefore  I mentioned to them   said Mr  Omer  in a comfortable 
easy going tone   this   I said   Now  don t consider Em ly nailed
down in point of time  at all   Make it your own time   Her
services have been more valuable than was supposed  her learning
has been quicker than was supposed  Omer and Joram can run their
pen through what remains  and she s free when you wish   If she
likes to make any little arrangement  afterwards  in the way of
doing any little thing for us at home  very well   If she don t 
very well still   We re no losers  anyhow   For   don t you see  
said Mr  Omer  touching me with his pipe   it ain t likely that a
man so short of breath as myself  and a grandfather too  would go
and strain points with a little bit of a blue eyed blossom  like
her  

 Not at all  I am certain   said I 

 Not at all   You re right   said Mr  Omer    Well  sir  her cousin
  you know it s a cousin she s going to be married to  

 Oh yes   I replied    I know him well  

 Of course you do   said Mr  Omer    Well  sir   Her cousin being 
as it appears  in good work  and well to do  thanked me in a very
manly sort of manner for this  conducting himself altogether  I
must say  in a way that gives me a high opinion of him   and went
and took as comfortable a little house as you or I could wish to
clap eyes on   That little house is now furnished right through  as
neat and complete as a doll s parlour  and but for Barkis s illness
having taken this bad turn  poor fellow  they would have been man
and wife   I dare say  by this time   As it is  there s a
postponement  

 And Emily  Mr  Omer   I inquired    Has she become more settled  

 Why that  you know   he returned  rubbing his double chin again 
 can t naturally be expected   The prospect of the change and
separation  and all that  is  as one may say  close to her and far
away from her  both at once   Barkis s death needn t put it off
much  but his lingering might   Anyway  it s an uncertain state of
matters  you see  

 I see   said I 

 Consequently   pursued Mr  Omer   Em ly s still a little down  and
a little fluttered  perhaps  upon the whole  she s more so than she
was   Every day she seems to get fonder and fonder of her uncle 
and more loth to part from all of us   A kind word from me brings
the tears into her eyes  and if you was to see her with my daughter
Minnie s little girl  you d never forget it   Bless my heart
alive   said Mr  Omer  pondering   how she loves that child  

Having so favourable an opportunity  it occurred to me to ask Mr 
Omer  before our conversation should be interrupted by the return
of his daughter and her husband  whether he knew anything of
Martha 

 Ah   he rejoined  shaking his head  and looking very much
dejected    No good   A sad story  sir  however you come to know
it   I never thought there was harm in the girl   I wouldn t wish
to mention it before my daughter Minnie   for she d take me up
directly   but I never did   None of us ever did  

Mr  Omer  hearing his daughter s footstep before I heard it 
touched me with his pipe  and shut up one eye  as a caution   She
and her husband came in immediately afterwards 

Their report was  that Mr  Barkis was  as bad as bad could be  
that he was quite unconscious  and that Mr  Chillip had mournfully
said in the kitchen  on going away just now  that the College of
Physicians  the College of Surgeons  and Apothecaries  Hall  if
they were all called in together  couldn t help him   He was past
both Colleges  Mr  Chillip said  and the Hall could only poison
him 

Hearing this  and learning that Mr  Peggotty was there  I
determined to go to the house at once   I bade good night to Mr 
Omer  and to Mr  and Mrs  Joram  and directed my steps thither 
with a solemn feeling  which made Mr  Barkis quite a new and
different creature 

My low tap at the door was answered by Mr  Peggotty   He was not so
much surprised to see me as I had expected   I remarked this in
Peggotty  too  when she came down  and I have seen it since  and I
think  in the expectation of that dread surprise  all other changes
and surprises dwindle into nothing 

I shook hands with Mr  Peggotty  and passed into the kitchen  while
he softly closed the door   Little Emily was sitting by the fire 
with her hands before her face   Ham was standing near her 

We spoke in whispers  listening  between whiles  for any sound in
the room above   I had not thought of it on the occasion of my last
visit  but how strange it was to me  now  to miss Mr  Barkis out of
the kitchen 

 This is very kind of you  Mas r Davy   said Mr  Peggotty 

 It s oncommon kind   said Ham 

 Em ly  my dear   cried Mr  Peggotty    See here   Here s Mas r
Davy come   What  cheer up  pretty   Not a wured to Mas r Davy  

There was a trembling upon her  that I can see now   The coldness
of her hand when I touched it  I can feel yet   Its only sign of
animation was to shrink from mine  and then she glided from the
chair  and creeping to the other side of her uncle  bowed herself 
silently and trembling still  upon his breast 

 It s such a loving art   said Mr  Peggotty  smoothing her rich
hair with his great hard hand   that it can t abear the sorrer of
this   It s nat ral in young folk  Mas r Davy  when they re new to
these here trials  and timid  like my little bird    it s nat ral  

She clung the closer to him  but neither lifted up her face  nor
spoke a word 

 It s getting late  my dear   said Mr  Peggotty   and here s Ham
come fur to take you home   Theer   Go along with t other loving
art   What  Em ly   Eh  my pretty  

The sound of her voice had not reached me  but he bent his head as
if he listened to her  and then said 

 Let you stay with your uncle   Why  you doen t mean to ask me
that   Stay with your uncle  Moppet   When your husband that ll be
so soon  is here fur to take you home   Now a person wouldn t think
it  fur to see this little thing alongside a rough weather chap
like me   said Mr  Peggotty  looking round at both of us  with
infinite pride   but the sea ain t more salt in it than she has
fondness in her for her uncle   a foolish little Em ly  

 Em ly s in the right in that  Mas r Davy   said Ham    Lookee
here   As Em ly wishes of it  and as she s hurried and frightened 
like  besides  I ll leave her till morning   Let me stay too  

 No  no   said Mr  Peggotty    You doen t ought   a married man
like you   or what s as good   to take and hull away a day s work 
And you doen t ought to watch and work both   That won t do   You
go home and turn in   You ain t afeerd of Em ly not being took good
care on  I know  

Ham yielded to this persuasion  and took his hat to go   Even when
he kissed her   and I never saw him approach her  but I felt that
nature had given him the soul of a gentleman   she seemed to cling
closer to her uncle  even to the avoidance of her chosen husband 
I shut the door after him  that it might cause no disturbance of
the quiet that prevailed  and when I turned back  I found Mr 
Peggotty still talking to her 

 Now  I m a going upstairs to tell your aunt as Mas r Davy s here 
and that ll cheer her up a bit   he said    Sit ye down by the
fire  the while  my dear  and warm those mortal cold hands   You
doen t need to be so fearsome  and take on so much   What   You ll
go along with me    Well  come along with me   come   If her uncle
was turned out of house and home  and forced to lay down in a dyke 
Mas r Davy   said Mr  Peggotty  with no less pride than before 
 it s my belief she d go along with him  now   But there ll be
someone else  soon    someone else  soon  Em ly  

Afterwards  when I went upstairs  as I passed the door of my little
chamber  which was dark  I had an indistinct impression of her
being within it  cast down upon the floor   But  whether it was
really she  or whether it was a confusion of the shadows in the
room  I don t know now 

I had leisure to think  before the kitchen fire  of pretty little
Emily s dread of death   which  added to what Mr  Omer had told me 
I took to be the cause of her being so unlike herself   and I had
leisure  before Peggotty came down  even to think more leniently of
the weakness of it  as I sat counting the ticking of the clock  and
deepening my sense of the solemn hush around me   Peggotty took me
in her arms  and blessed and thanked me over and over again for
being such a comfort to her  that was what she said  in her
distress   She then entreated me to come upstairs  sobbing that Mr 
Barkis had always liked me and admired me  that he had often talked
of me  before he fell into a stupor  and that she believed  in case
of his coming to himself again  he would brighten up at sight of
me  if he could brighten up at any earthly thing 

The probability of his ever doing so  appeared to me  when I saw
him  to be very small   He was lying with his head and shoulders
out of bed  in an uncomfortable attitude  half resting on the box
which had cost him so much pain and trouble   I learned  that  when
he was past creeping out of bed to open it  and past assuring
himself of its safety by means of the divining rod I had seen him
use  he had required to have it placed on the chair at the
bed side  where he had ever since embraced it  night and day   His
arm lay on it now   Time and the world were slipping from beneath
him  but the box was there  and the last words he had uttered were
 in an explanatory tone   Old clothes  

 Barkis  my dear   said Peggotty  almost cheerfully  bending over
him  while her brother and I stood at the bed s foot    Here s my
dear boy   my dear boy  Master Davy  who brought us together 
Barkis   That you sent messages by  you know   Won t you speak to
Master Davy  

He was as mute and senseless as the box  from which his form
derived the only expression it had 

 He s a going out with the tide   said Mr  Peggotty to me  behind
his hand 

My eyes were dim and so were Mr  Peggotty s  but I repeated in a
whisper   With the tide  

 People can t die  along the coast   said Mr  Peggotty   except
when the tide s pretty nigh out   They can t be born  unless it s
pretty nigh in   not properly born  till flood   He s a going out
with the tide   It s ebb at half arter three  slack water half an
hour   If he lives till it turns  he ll hold his own till past the
flood  and go out with the next tide  

We remained there  watching him  a long time   hours   What
mysterious influence my presence had upon him in that state of his
senses  I shall not pretend to say  but when he at last began to
wander feebly  it is certain he was muttering about driving me to
school 

 He s coming to himself   said Peggotty 

Mr  Peggotty touched me  and whispered with much awe and reverence 
 They are both a going out fast  

 Barkis  my dear   said Peggotty 

 C  P  Barkis   he cried faintly    No better woman anywhere  

 Look   Here s Master Davy   said Peggotty   For he now opened his
eyes 

I was on the point of asking him if he knew me  when he tried to
stretch out his arm  and said to me  distinctly  with a pleasant
smile 

 Barkis is willin   

And  it being low water  he went out with the tide 



CHAPTER   
A GREATER LOSS


It was not difficult for me  on Peggotty s solicitation  to resolve
to stay where I was  until after the remains of the poor carrier
should have made their last journey to Blunderstone   She had long
ago bought  out of her own savings  a little piece of ground in our
old churchyard near the grave of  her sweet girl   as she always
called my mother  and there they were to rest 

In keeping Peggotty company  and doing all I could for her  little
enough at the utmost   I was as grateful  I rejoice to think  as
even now I could wish myself to have been   But I am afraid I had
a supreme satisfaction  of a personal and professional nature  in
taking charge of Mr  Barkis s will  and expounding its contents 

I may claim the merit of having originated the suggestion that the
will should be looked for in the box   After some search  it was
found in the box  at the bottom of a horse s nose bag  wherein
 besides hay  there was discovered an old gold watch  with chain
and seals  which Mr  Barkis had worn on his wedding day  and which
had never been seen before or since  a silver tobacco stopper  in
the form of a leg  an imitation lemon  full of minute cups and
saucers  which I have some idea Mr  Barkis must have purchased to
present to me when I was a child  and afterwards found himself
unable to part with  eighty seven guineas and a half  in guineas
and half guineas  two hundred and ten pounds  in perfectly clean
Bank notes  certain receipts for Bank of England stock  an old
horseshoe  a bad shilling  a piece of camphor  and an oyster shell 
From the circumstance of the latter article having been much
polished  and displaying prismatic colours on the inside  I
conclude that Mr  Barkis had some general ideas about pearls  which
never resolved themselves into anything definite 

For years and years  Mr  Barkis had carried this box  on all his
journeys  every day   That it might the better escape notice  he
had invented a fiction that it belonged to  Mr  Blackboy   and was
 to be left with Barkis till called for   a fable he had
elaborately written on the lid  in characters now scarcely legible 

He had hoarded  all these years  I found  to good purpose   His
property in money amounted to nearly three thousand pounds   Of
this he bequeathed the interest of one thousand to Mr  Peggotty for
his life  on his decease  the principal to be equally divided
between Peggotty  little Emily  and me  or the survivor or
survivors of us  share and share alike   All the rest he died
possessed of  he bequeathed to Peggotty  whom he left residuary
legatee  and sole executrix of that his last will and testament 

I felt myself quite a proctor when I read this document aloud with
all possible ceremony  and set forth its provisions  any number of
times  to those whom they concerned   I began to think there was
more in the Commons than I had supposed   I examined the will with
the deepest attention  pronounced it perfectly formal in all
respects  made a pencil mark or so in the margin  and thought it
rather extraordinary that I knew so much 

In this abstruse pursuit  in making an account for Peggotty  of all
the property into which she had come  in arranging all the affairs
in an orderly manner  and in being her referee and adviser on every
point  to our joint delight  I passed the week before the funeral 
I did not see little Emily in that interval  but they told me she
was to be quietly married in a fortnight 

I did not attend the funeral in character  if I may venture to say
so   I mean I was not dressed up in a black coat and a streamer  to
frighten the birds  but I walked over to Blunderstone early in the
morning  and was in the churchyard when it came  attended only by
Peggotty and her brother   The mad gentleman looked on  out of my
little window  Mr  Chillip s baby wagged its heavy head  and rolled
its goggle eyes  at the clergyman  over its nurse s shoulder  Mr 
Omer breathed short in the background  no one else was there  and
it was very quiet   We walked about the churchyard for an hour 
after all was over  and pulled some young leaves from the tree
above my mother s grave 

A dread falls on me here   A cloud is lowering on the distant town 
towards which I retraced my solitary steps   I fear to approach it 
I cannot bear to think of what did come  upon that memorable night 
of what must come again  if I go on 

It is no worse  because I write of it   It would be no better  if
I stopped my most unwilling hand   It is done   Nothing can undo
it  nothing can make it otherwise than as it was 

My old nurse was to go to London with me next day  on the business
of the will   Little Emily was passing that day at Mr  Omer s   We
were all to meet in the old boathouse that night   Ham would bring
Emily at the usual hour   I would walk back at my leisure   The
brother and sister would return as they had come  and be expecting
us  when the day closed in  at the fireside 

I parted from them at the wicket gate  where visionary Strap had
rested with Roderick Random s knapsack in the days of yore  and 
instead of going straight back  walked a little distance on the
road to Lowestoft   Then I turned  and walked back towards
Yarmouth   I stayed to dine at a decent alehouse  some mile or two
from the Ferry I have mentioned before  and thus the day wore away 
and it was evening when I reached it   Rain was falling heavily by
that time  and it was a wild night  but there was a moon behind the
clouds  and it was not dark 

I was soon within sight of Mr  Peggotty s house  and of the light
within it shining through the window   A little floundering across
the sand  which was heavy  brought me to the door  and I went in 

It looked very comfortable indeed   Mr  Peggotty had smoked his
evening pipe and there were preparations for some supper by and by 
The fire was bright  the ashes were thrown up  the locker was ready
for little Emily in her old place   In her own old place sat
Peggotty  once more  looking  but for her dress  as if she had
never left it   She had fallen back  already  on the society of the
work box with St  Paul s upon the lid  the yard measure in the
cottage  and the bit of wax candle  and there they all were  just
as if they had never been disturbed   Mrs  Gummidge appeared to be
fretting a little  in her old corner  and consequently looked quite
natural  too 

 You re first of the lot  Mas r Davy   said Mr  Peggotty with a
happy face    Doen t keep in that coat  sir  if it s wet  

 Thank you  Mr  Peggotty   said I  giving him my outer coat to hang
up    It s quite dry  

 So  tis   said Mr  Peggotty  feeling my shoulders    As a chip 
Sit ye down  sir   It ain t o  no use saying welcome to you  but
you re welcome  kind and hearty  

 Thank you  Mr  Peggotty  I am sure of that   Well  Peggotty   said
I  giving her a kiss    And how are you  old woman  

 Ha  ha   laughed Mr  Peggotty  sitting down beside us  and rubbing
his hands in his sense of relief from recent trouble  and in the
genuine heartiness of his nature   there s not a woman in the
wureld  sir   as I tell her   that need to feel more easy in her
mind than her   She done her dooty by the departed  and the
departed know d it  and the departed done what was right by her  as
she done what was right by the departed    and   and   and it s all
right  

Mrs  Gummidge groaned 

 Cheer up  my pritty mawther   said Mr  Peggotty    But he shook
his head aside at us  evidently sensible of the tendency of the
late occurrences to recall the memory of the old one    Doen t be
down   Cheer up  for your own self  on y a little bit  and see if
a good deal more doen t come nat ral  

 Not to me  Dan l   returned Mrs  Gummidge    Nothink s nat ral to
me but to be lone and lorn  

 No  no   said Mr  Peggotty  soothing her sorrows 

 Yes  yes  Dan l   said Mrs  Gummidge    I ain t a person to live
with them as has had money left   Thinks go too contrary with me 
I had better be a riddance  

 Why  how should I ever spend it without you   said Mr  Peggotty 
with an air of serious remonstrance    What are you a talking on 
Doen t I want you more now  than ever I did  

 I know d I was never wanted before   cried Mrs  Gummidge  with a
pitiable whimper   and now I m told so   How could I expect to be
wanted  being so lone and lorn  and so contrary  

Mr  Peggotty seemed very much shocked at himself for having made a
speech capable of this unfeeling construction  but was prevented
from replying  by Peggotty s pulling his sleeve  and shaking her
head   After looking at Mrs  Gummidge for some moments  in sore
distress of mind  he glanced at the Dutch clock  rose  snuffed the
candle  and put it in the window 

 Theer  said Mr  Peggotty  cheerily  Theer we are  Missis
Gummidge   Mrs  Gummidge slightly groaned    Lighted up  accordin 
to custom   You re a wonderin  what that s fur  sir   Well  it s
fur our little Em ly   You see  the path ain t over light or
cheerful arter dark  and when I m here at the hour as she s a
comin  home  I puts the light in the winder   That  you see   said
Mr  Peggotty  bending over me with great glee   meets two objects 
She says  says Em ly   Theer s home   she says   And likewise  says
Em ly   My uncle s theer   Fur if I ain t theer  I never have no
light showed  

 You re a baby   said Peggotty  very fond of him for it  if she
thought so 

 Well   returned Mr  Peggotty  standing with his legs pretty wide
apart  and rubbing his hands up and down them in his comfortable
satisfaction  as he looked alternately at us and at the fire    I
doen t know but I am   Not  you see  to look at  

 Not azackly   observed Peggotty 

 No   laughed Mr  Peggotty   not to look at  but to   to consider
on  you know   I doen t care  bless you   Now I tell you   When I
go a looking and looking about that theer pritty house of our
Em ly s  I m   I m Gormed   said Mr  Peggotty  with sudden emphasis
   theer   I can t say more   if I doen t feel as if the littlest
things was her  a most   I takes  em up and I put  em down  and I
touches of  em as delicate as if they was our Em ly   So  tis with
her little bonnets and that   I couldn t see one on  em rough used
a purpose   not fur the whole wureld   There s a babby fur you  in
the form of a great Sea Porkypine   said Mr  Peggotty  relieving
his earnestness with a roar of laughter 

Peggotty and I both laughed  but not so loud 

 It s my opinion  you see   said Mr  Peggotty  with a delighted
face  after some further rubbing of his legs   as this is along of
my havin  played with her so much  and made believe as we was
Turks  and French  and sharks  and every wariety of forinners  
bless you  yes  and lions and whales  and I doen t know what all 
  when she warn t no higher than my knee   I ve got into the way on
it  you know   Why  this here candle  now   said Mr  Peggotty 
gleefully holding out his hand towards it   I know wery well that
arter she s married and gone  I shall put that candle theer  just
the same as now   I know wery well that when I m here o  nights
 and where else should I live  bless your arts  whatever fortun  I
come into   and she ain t here or I ain t theer  I shall put the
candle in the winder  and sit afore the fire  pretending I m
expecting of her  like I m a doing now   THERE S a babby for you  
said Mr  Peggotty  with another roar   in the form of a Sea
Porkypine   Why  at the present minute  when I see the candle
sparkle up  I says to myself   She s a looking at it   Em ly s a
coming   THERE S a babby for you  in the form of a Sea Porkypine 
Right for all that   said Mr  Peggotty  stopping in his roar  and
smiting his hands together   fur here she is  

It was only Ham   The night should have turned more wet since I
came in  for he had a large sou wester hat on  slouched over his
face 

 Wheer s Em ly   said Mr  Peggotty 

Ham made a motion with his head  as if she were outside   Mr 
Peggotty took the light from the window  trimmed it  put it on the
table  and was busily stirring the fire  when Ham  who had not
moved  said 

 Mas r Davy  will you come out a minute  and see what Em ly and me
has got to show you  

We went out   As I passed him at the door  I saw  to my
astonishment and fright  that he was deadly pale   He pushed me
hastily into the open air  and closed the door upon us   Only upon
us two 

 Ham  what s the matter  

 Mas r Davy     Oh  for his broken heart  how dreadfully he wept 

I was paralysed by the sight of such grief   I don t know what I
thought  or what I dreaded   I could only look at him 

 Ham   Poor good fellow   For Heaven s sake  tell me what s the
matter  

 My love  Mas r Davy   the pride and hope of my art   her that I d
have died for  and would die for now   she s gone  

 Gone  

 Em ly s run away   Oh  Mas r Davy  think HOW she s run away  when
I pray my good and gracious God to kill her  her that is so dear
above all things  sooner than let her come to ruin and disgrace  

The face he turned up to the troubled sky  the quivering of his
clasped hands  the agony of his figure  remain associated with the
lonely waste  in my remembrance  to this hour   It is always night
there  and he is the only object in the scene 

 You re a scholar   he said  hurriedly   and know what s right and
best   What am I to say  indoors   How am I ever to break it to
him  Mas r Davy  

I saw the door move  and instinctively tried to hold the latch on
the outside  to gain a moment s time   It was too late   Mr 
Peggotty thrust forth his face  and never could I forget the change
that came upon it when he saw us  if I were to live five hundred
years 

I remember a great wail and cry  and the women hanging about him 
and we all standing in the room  I with a paper in my hand  which
Ham had given me  Mr  Peggotty  with his vest torn open  his hair
wild  his face and lips quite white  and blood trickling down his
bosom  it had sprung from his mouth  I think   looking fixedly at
me 

 Read it  sir   he said  in a low shivering voice    Slow  please 
I doen t know as I can understand  

In the midst of the silence of death  I read thus  from a blotted
letter 


  When you  who love me so much better than I ever have deserved 
even when my mind was innocent  see this  I shall be far away   


 I shall be fur away   he repeated slowly    Stop   Em ly fur away 
Well  


  When I leave my dear home   my dear home   oh  my dear home    in
the morning   

the letter bore date on the previous night 


    it will be never to come back  unless he brings me back a lady 
This will be found at night  many hours after  instead of me   Oh 
if you knew how my heart is torn   If even you  that I have wronged
so much  that never can forgive me  could only know what I suffer 
I am too wicked to write about myself   Oh  take comfort in
thinking that I am so bad   Oh  for mercy s sake  tell uncle that
I never loved him half so dear as now   Oh  don t remember how
affectionate and kind you have all been to me   don t remember we
were ever to be married   but try to think as if I died when I was
little  and was buried somewhere   Pray Heaven that I am going away
from  have compassion on my uncle   Tell him that I never loved him
half so dear   Be his comfort   Love some good girl that will be
what I was once to uncle  and be true to you  and worthy of you 
and know no shame but me   God bless all   I ll pray for all 
often  on my knees   If he don t bring me back a lady  and I don t
pray for my own self  I ll pray for all   My parting love to uncle 
My last tears  and my last thanks  for uncle   

That was all 

He stood  long after I had ceased to read  still looking at me   At
length I ventured to take his hand  and to entreat him  as well as
I could  to endeavour to get some command of himself   He replied 
 I thankee  sir  I thankee   without moving 

Ham spoke to him   Mr  Peggotty was so far sensible of HIS
affliction  that he wrung his hand  but  otherwise  he remained in
the same state  and no one dared to disturb him 

Slowly  at last  he moved his eyes from my face  as if he were
waking from a vision  and cast them round the room   Then he said 
in a low voice 

 Who s the man   I want to know his name  

Ham glanced at me  and suddenly I felt a shock that struck me back 

 There s a man suspected   said Mr  Peggotty    Who is it  

 Mas r Davy   implored Ham    Go out a bit  and let me tell him
what I must   You doen t ought to hear it  sir  

I felt the shock again   I sank down in a chair  and tried to utter
some reply  but my tongue was fettered  and my sight was weak 

 I want to know his name   I heard said once more 

 For some time past   Ham faltered   there s been a servant about
here  at odd times   There s been a gen lm n too   Both of  em
belonged to one another  

Mr  Peggotty stood fixed as before  but now looking at him 

 The servant   pursued Ham   was seen along with   our poor girl  
last night   He s been in hiding about here  this week or over   He
was thought to have gone  but he was hiding   Doen t stay  Mas r
Davy  doen t  

I felt Peggotty s arm round my neck  but I could not have moved if
the house had been about to fall upon me 

 A strange chay and hosses was outside town  this morning  on the
Norwich road  a most afore the day broke   Ham went on    The
servant went to it  and come from it  and went to it again   When
he went to it again  Em ly was nigh him   The t other was inside 
He s the man  

 For the Lord s love   said Mr  Peggotty  falling back  and putting
out his hand  as if to keep off what he dreaded    Doen t tell me
his name s Steerforth  

 Mas r Davy   exclaimed Ham  in a broken voice   it ain t no fault
of yourn   and I am far from laying of it to you   but his name is
Steerforth  and he s a damned villain  

Mr  Peggotty uttered no cry  and shed no tear  and moved no more 
until he seemed to wake again  all at once  and pulled down his
rough coat from its peg in a corner 

 Bear a hand with this   I m struck of a heap  and can t do it   he
said  impatiently    Bear a hand and help me   Well   when somebody
had done so    Now give me that theer hat  

Ham asked him whither he was going 

 I m a going to seek my niece   I m a going to seek my Em ly   I m
a going  first  to stave in that theer boat  and sink it where I
would have drownded him  as I m a living soul  if I had had one
thought of what was in him   As he sat afore me   he said  wildly 
holding out his clenched right hand   as he sat afore me  face to
face  strike me down dead  but I d have drownded him  and thought
it right    I m a going to seek my niece  

 Where   cried Ham  interposing himself before the door 

 Anywhere   I m a going to seek my niece through the wureld   I m
a going to find my poor niece in her shame  and bring her back   No
one stop me   I tell you I m a going to seek my niece  

 No  no   cried Mrs  Gummidge  coming between them  in a fit of
crying    No  no  Dan l  not as you are now   Seek her in a little
while  my lone lorn Dan l  and that ll be but right  but not as you
are now   Sit ye down  and give me your forgiveness for having ever
been a worrit to you  Dan l   what have my contraries ever been to
this    and let us speak a word about them times when she was first
an orphan  and when Ham was too  and when I was a poor widder
woman  and you took me in   It ll soften your poor heart  Dan l  
laying her head upon his shoulder   and you ll bear your sorrow
better  for you know the promise  Dan l   As you have done it unto
one of the least of these  you have done it unto me    and that can
never fail under this roof  that s been our shelter for so many 
many year  

He was quite passive now  and when I heard him crying  the impulse
that had been upon me to go down upon my knees  and ask their
pardon for the desolation I had caused  and curse Steer  forth 
yielded to a better feeling  My overcharged heart found the same
relief  and I cried too 



CHAPTER   
THE BEGINNING OF A LONG JOURNEY


What is natural in me  is natural in many other men  I infer  and
so I am not afraid to write that I never had loved Steerforth
better than when the ties that bound me to him were broken   In the
keen distress of the discovery of his unworthiness  I thought more
of all that was brilliant in him  I softened more towards all that
was good in him  I did more justice to the qualities that might
have made him a man of a noble nature and a great name  than ever
I had done in the height of my devotion to him   Deeply as I felt
my own unconscious part in his pollution of an honest home  I
believed that if I had been brought face to face with him  I could
not have uttered one reproach   I should have loved him so well
still   though he fascinated me no longer   I should have held in
so much tenderness the memory of my affection for him  that I think
I should have been as weak as a spirit wounded child  in all but
the entertainment of a thought that we could ever be re united 
That thought I never had   I felt  as he had felt  that all was at
an end between us   What his remembrances of me were  I have never
known   they were light enough  perhaps  and easily dismissed   but
mine of him were as the remembrances of a cherished friend  who was
dead 

Yes  Steerforth  long removed from the scenes of this poor history 
My sorrow may bear involuntary witness against you at the judgement
Throne  but my angry thoughts or my reproaches never will  I know 

The news of what had happened soon spread through the town 
insomuch that as I passed along the streets next morning  I
overheard the people speaking of it at their doors   Many were hard
upon her  some few were hard upon him  but towards her second
father and her lover there was but one sentiment   Among all kinds
of people a respect for them in their distress prevailed  which was
full of gentleness and delicacy   The seafaring men kept apart 
when those two were seen early  walking with slow steps on the
beach  and stood in knots  talking compassionately among
themselves 

It was on the beach  close down by the sea  that I found them   It
would have been easy to perceive that they had not slept all last
night  even if Peggotty had failed to tell me of their still
sitting just as I left them  when it was broad day   They looked
worn  and I thought Mr  Peggotty s head was bowed in one night more
than in all the years I had known him   But they were both as grave
and steady as the sea itself  then lying beneath a dark sky 
waveless   yet with a heavy roll upon it  as if it breathed in its
rest   and touched  on the horizon  with a strip of silvery light
from the unseen sun 

 We have had a mort of talk  sir   said Mr  Peggotty to me  when we
had all three walked a little while in silence   of what we ought
and doen t ought to do   But we see our course now  

I happened to glance at Ham  then looking out to sea upon the
distant light  and a frightful thought came into my mind   not that
his face was angry  for it was not  I recall nothing but an
expression of stern determination in it   that if ever he
encountered Steerforth  he would kill him 

 My dooty here  sir   said Mr  Peggotty   is done   I m a going to
seek my    he stopped  and went on in a firmer voice   I m a going
to seek her   That s my dooty evermore  

He shook his head when I asked him where he would seek her  and
inquired if I were going to London tomorrow   I told him I had not
gone today  fearing to lose the chance of being of any service to
him  but that I was ready to go when he would 

 I ll go along with you  sir   he rejoined   if you re agreeable 
tomorrow  

We walked again  for a while  in silence 

 Ham  he presently resumed  he ll hold to his present work  and go
and live along with my sister   The old boat yonder   

 Will you desert the old boat  Mr  Peggotty   I gently interposed 

 My station  Mas r Davy   he returned   ain t there no longer  and
if ever a boat foundered  since there was darkness on the face of
the deep  that one s gone down   But no  sir  no  I doen t mean as
it should be deserted   Fur from that  

We walked again for a while  as before  until he explained 

 My wishes is  sir  as it shall look  day and night  winter and
summer  as it has always looked  since she fust know d it   If ever
she should come a wandering back  I wouldn t have the old place
seem to cast her off  you understand  but seem to tempt her to draw
nigher to  t  and to peep in  maybe  like a ghost  out of the wind
and rain  through the old winder  at the old seat by the fire 
Then  maybe  Mas r Davy  seein  none but Missis Gummidge there  she
might take heart to creep in  trembling  and might come to be laid
down in her old bed  and rest her weary head where it was once so
gay  

I could not speak to him in reply  though I tried 

 Every night   said Mr  Peggotty   as reg lar as the night comes 
the candle must be stood in its old pane of glass  that if ever she
should see it  it may seem to say  Come back  my child  come back  
If ever there s a knock  Ham  partic ler a soft knock   arter dark 
at your aunt s door  doen t you go nigh it   Let it be her   not
you   that sees my fallen child  

He walked a little in front of us  and kept before us for some
minutes   During this interval  I glanced at Ham again  and
observing the same expression on his face  and his eyes still
directed to the distant light  I touched his arm 

Twice I called him by his name  in the tone in which I might have
tried to rouse a sleeper  before he heeded me   When I at last
inquired on what his thoughts were so bent  he replied 

 On what s afore me  Mas r Davy  and over yon  
 On the life before you  do you mean   He had pointed confusedly
out to sea 

 Ay  Mas r Davy   I doen t rightly know how  tis  but from over yon
there seemed to me to come   the end of it like   looking at me as
if he were waking  but with the same determined face 

 What end   I asked  possessed by my former fear 

 I doen t know  he said  thoughtfully   I was calling to mind that
the beginning of it all did take place here   and then the end
come   But it s gone   Mas r Davy   he added  answering  as I
think  my look   you han t no call to be afeerd of me  but I m
kiender muddled  I don t fare to feel no matters     which was as
much as to say that he was not himself  and quite confounded 

Mr  Peggotty stopping for us to join him  we did so  and said no
more   The remembrance of this  in connexion with my former
thought  however  haunted me at intervals  even until the
inexorable end came at its appointed time 

We insensibly approached the old boat  and entered   Mrs  Gummidge 
no longer moping in her especial corner  was busy preparing
breakfast   She took Mr  Peggotty s hat  and placed his seat for
him  and spoke so comfortably and softly  that I hardly knew her 

 Dan l  my good man   said she   you must eat and drink  and keep
up your strength  for without it you ll do nowt   Try  that s a
dear soul   An if I disturb you with my clicketten   she meant her
chattering   tell me so  Dan l  and I won t  

When she had served us all  she withdrew to the window  where she
sedulously employed herself in repairing some shirts and other
clothes belonging to Mr  Peggotty  and neatly folding and packing
them in an old oilskin bag  such as sailors carry   Meanwhile  she
continued talking  in the same quiet manner 

 All times and seasons  you know  Dan l   said Mrs  Gummidge   I
shall be allus here  and everythink will look accordin  to your
wishes   I m a poor scholar  but I shall write to you  odd times 
when you re away  and send my letters to Mas r Davy   Maybe you ll
write to me too  Dan l  odd times  and tell me how you fare to feel
upon your lone lorn journies  

 You ll be a solitary woman heer  I m afeerd   said Mr  Peggotty 

 No  no  Dan l   she returned   I shan t be that   Doen t you mind
me   I shall have enough to do to keep a Beein for you   Mrs 
Gummidge meant a home    again you come back   to keep a Beein here
for any that may hap to come back  Dan l   In the fine time  I
shall set outside the door as I used to do   If any should come
nigh  they shall see the old widder woman true to  em  a long way
off  

What a change in Mrs  Gummidge in a little time   She was another
woman   She was so devoted  she had such a quick perception of what
it would be well to say  and what it would be well to leave unsaid 
she was so forgetful of herself  and so regardful of the sorrow
about her  that I held her in a sort of veneration   The work she
did that day   There were many things to be brought up from the
beach and stored in the outhouse   as oars  nets  sails  cordage 
spars  lobster pots  bags of ballast  and the like  and though
there was abundance of assistance rendered  there being not a pair
of working hands on all that shore but would have laboured hard for
Mr  Peggotty  and been well paid in being asked to do it  yet she
persisted  all day long  in toiling under weights that she was
quite unequal to  and fagging to and fro on all sorts of
unnecessary errands   As to deploring her misfortunes  she appeared
to have entirely lost the recollection of ever having had any   She
preserved an equable cheerfulness in the midst of her sympathy 
which was not the least astonishing part of the change that had
come over her   Querulousness was out of the question   I did not
even observe her voice to falter  or a tear to escape from her
eyes  the whole day through  until twilight  when she and I and Mr 
Peggotty being alone together  and he having fallen asleep in
perfect exhaustion  she broke into a half suppressed fit of sobbing
and crying  and taking me to the door  said   Ever bless you  Mas r
Davy  be a friend to him  poor dear   Then  she immediately ran out
of the house to wash her face  in order that she might sit quietly
beside him  and be found at work there  when he should awake   In
short I left her  when I went away at night  the prop and staff of
Mr  Peggotty s affliction  and I could not meditate enough upon the
lesson that I read in Mrs  Gummidge  and the new experience she
unfolded to me 

It was between nine and ten o clock when  strolling in a melancholy
manner through the town  I stopped at Mr  Omer s door   Mr  Omer
had taken it so much to heart  his daughter told me  that he had
been very low and poorly all day  and had gone to bed without his
pipe 

 A deceitful  bad hearted girl   said Mrs  Joram    There was no
good in her  ever  

 Don t say so   I returned    You don t think so  

 Yes  I do   cried Mrs  Joram  angrily 

 No  no   said I 

Mrs  Joram tossed her head  endeavouring to be very stern and
cross  but she could not command her softer self  and began to cry 
I was young  to be sure  but I thought much the better of her for
this sympathy  and fancied it became her  as a virtuous wife and
mother  very well indeed 

 What will she ever do   sobbed Minnie    Where will she go   What
will become of her   Oh  how could she be so cruel  to herself and
him  

I remembered the time when Minnie was a young and pretty girl  and
I was glad she remembered it too  so feelingly 

 My little Minnie   said Mrs  Joram   has only just now been got to
sleep   Even in her sleep she is sobbing for Em ly   All day long 
little Minnie has cried for her  and asked me  over and over again 
whether Em ly was wicked   What can I say to her  when Em ly tied
a ribbon off her own neck round little Minnie s the last night she
was here  and laid her head down on the pillow beside her till she
was fast asleep   The ribbon s round my little Minnie s neck now 
It ought not to be  perhaps  but what can I do   Em ly is very bad 
but they were fond of one another   And the child knows nothing  

Mrs  Joram was so unhappy that her husband came out to take care of
her   Leaving them together  I went home to Peggotty s  more
melancholy myself  if possible  than I had been yet 

That good creature   I mean Peggotty   all untired by her late
anxieties and sleepless nights  was at her brother s  where she
meant to stay till morning   An old woman  who had been employed
about the house for some weeks past  while Peggotty had been unable
to attend to it  was the house s only other occupant besides
myself   As I had no occasion for her services  I sent her to bed 
by no means against her will  and sat down before the kitchen fire
a little while  to think about all this 

I was blending it with the deathbed of the late Mr  Barkis  and was
driving out with the tide towards the distance at which Ham had
looked so singularly in the morning  when I was recalled from my
wanderings by a knock at the door   There was a knocker upon the
door  but it was not that which made the sound   The tap was from
a hand  and low down upon the door  as if it were given by a child 

It made me start as much as if it had been the knock of a footman
to a person of distinction   I opened the door  and at first looked
down  to my amazement  on nothing but a great umbrella that
appeared to be walking about of itself   But presently I discovered
underneath it  Miss Mowcher 

I might not have been prepared to give the little creature a very
kind reception  if  on her removing the umbrella  which her utmost
efforts were unable to shut up  she had shown me the  volatile 
expression of face which had made so great an impression on me at
our first and last meeting   But her face  as she turned it up to
mine  was so earnest  and when I relieved her of the umbrella
 which would have been an inconvenient one for the Irish Giant  
she wrung her little hands in such an afflicted manner  that I
rather inclined towards her 

 Miss Mowcher   said I  after glancing up and down the empty
street  without distinctly knowing what I expected to see besides 
 how do you come here   What is the matter  
She motioned to me with her short right arm  to shut the umbrella
for her  and passing me hurriedly  went into the kitchen   When I
had closed the door  and followed  with the umbrella in my hand  I
found her sitting on the corner of the fender   it was a low iron
one  with two flat bars at top to stand plates upon   in the shadow
of the boiler  swaying herself backwards and forwards  and chafing
her hands upon her knees like a person in pain 

Quite alarmed at being the only recipient of this untimely visit 
and the only spectator of this portentous behaviour  I exclaimed
again   Pray tell me  Miss Mowcher  what is the matter  are you
ill  

 My dear young soul   returned Miss Mowcher  squeezing her hands
upon her heart one over the other    I am ill here  I am very ill 
To think that it should come to this  when I might have known it
and perhaps prevented it  if I hadn t been a thoughtless fool  

Again her large bonnet  very disproportionate to the figure  went
backwards and forwards  in her swaying of her little body to and
fro  while a most gigantic bonnet rocked  in unison with it  upon
the wall 

 I am surprised   I began   to see you so distressed and serious  
when she interrupted me 

 Yes  it s always so   she said    They are all surprised  these
inconsiderate young people  fairly and full grown  to see any
natural feeling in a little thing like me   They make a plaything
of me  use me for their amusement  throw me away when they are
tired  and wonder that I feel more than a toy horse or a wooden
soldier   Yes  yes  that s the way   The old way  

 It may be  with others   I returned   but I do assure you it is
not with me   Perhaps I ought not to be at all surprised to see you
as you are now  I know so little of you   I said  without
consideration  what I thought  

 What can I do   returned the little woman  standing up  and
holding out her arms to show herself    See   What I am  my father
was  and my sister is  and my brother is   I have worked for sister
and brother these many years   hard  Mr  Copperfield   all day   I
must live   I do no harm   If there are people so unreflecting or
so cruel  as to make a jest of me  what is left for me to do but to
make a jest of myself  them  and everything   If I do so  for the
time  whose fault is that   Mine  

No   Not Miss Mowcher s  I perceived 

 If I had shown myself a sensitive dwarf to your false friend  
pursued the little woman  shaking her head at me  with reproachful
earnestness   how much of his help or good will do you think I
should ever have had   If little Mowcher  who had no hand  young
gentleman  in the making of herself  addressed herself to him  or
the like of him  because of her misfortunes  when do you suppose
her small voice would have been heard   Little Mowcher would have
as much need to live  if she was the bitterest and dullest of
pigmies  but she couldn t do it   No   She might whistle for her
bread and butter till she died of Air  

Miss Mowcher sat down on the fender again  and took out her
handkerchief  and wiped her eyes 

 Be thankful for me  if you have a kind heart  as I think you
have   she said   that while I know well what I am  I can be
cheerful and endure it all   I am thankful for myself  at any rate 
that I can find my tiny way through the world  without being
beholden to anyone  and that in return for all that is thrown at
me  in folly or vanity  as I go along  I can throw bubbles back 
If I don t brood over all I want  it is the better for me  and not
the worse for anyone   If I am a plaything for you giants  be
gentle with me  

Miss Mowcher replaced her handkerchief in her pocket  looking at me
with very intent expression all the while  and pursued 

 I saw you in the street just now   You may suppose I am not able
to walk as fast as you  with my short legs and short breath  and I
couldn t overtake you  but I guessed where you came  and came after
you   I have been here before  today  but the good woman wasn t at
home  

 Do you know her   I demanded 

 I know of her  and about her   she replied   from Omer and Joram 
I was there at seven o clock this morning   Do you remember what
Steerforth said to me about this unfortunate girl  that time when
I saw you both at the inn  

The great bonnet on Miss Mowcher s head  and the greater bonnet on
the wall  began to go backwards and forwards again when she asked
this question 

I remembered very well what she referred to  having had it in my
thoughts many times that day   I told her so 

 May the Father of all Evil confound him   said the little woman 
holding up her forefinger between me and her sparkling eyes   and
ten times more confound that wicked servant  but I believed it was
YOU who had a boyish passion for her  

 I   I repeated 

 Child  child   In the name of blind ill fortune   cried Miss
Mowcher  wringing her hands impatiently  as she went to and fro
again upon the fender   why did you praise her so  and blush  and
look disturbed  

I could not conceal from myself that I had done this  though for a
reason very different from her supposition 

 What did I know   said Miss Mowcher  taking out her handkerchief
again  and giving one little stamp on the ground whenever  at short
intervals  she applied it to her eyes with both hands at once    He
was crossing you and wheedling you  I saw  and you were soft wax in
his hands  I saw   Had I left the room a minute  when his man told
me that  Young Innocence   so he called you  and you may call him
 Old Guilt  all the days of your life  had set his heart upon her 
and she was giddy and liked him  but his master was resolved that
no harm should come of it   more for your sake than for hers   and
that that was their business here   How could I BUT believe him 
I saw Steerforth soothe and please you by his praise of her   You
were the first to mention her name   You owned to an old admiration
of her   You were hot and cold  and red and white  all at once when
I spoke to you of her   What could I think   what DID I think   but
that you were a young libertine in everything but experience  and
had fallen into hands that had experience enough  and could manage
you  having the fancy  for your own good   Oh  oh  oh   They were
afraid of my finding out the truth   exclaimed Miss Mowcher 
getting off the fender  and trotting up and down the kitchen with
her two short arms distressfully lifted up   because I am a sharp
little thing   I need be  to get through the world at all    and
they deceived me altogether  and I gave the poor unfortunate girl
a letter  which I fully believe was the beginning of her ever
speaking to Littimer  who was left behind on purpose  

I stood amazed at the revelation of all this perfidy  looking at
Miss Mowcher as she walked up and down the kitchen until she was
out of breath  when she sat upon the fender again  and  drying her
face with her handkerchief  shook her head for a long time  without
otherwise moving  and without breaking silence 

 My country rounds   she added at length   brought me to Norwich 
Mr  Copperfield  the night before last   What I happened to find
there  about their secret way of coming and going  without you  
which was strange   led to my suspecting something wrong   I got
into the coach from London last night  as it came through Norwich 
and was here this morning   Oh  oh  oh  too late  

Poor little Mowcher turned so chilly after all her crying and
fretting  that she turned round on the fender  putting her poor
little wet feet in among the ashes to warm them  and sat looking at
the fire  like a large doll   I sat in a chair on the other side of
the hearth  lost in unhappy reflections  and looking at the fire
too  and sometimes at her 

 I must go   she said at last  rising as she spoke    It s late 
You don t mistrust me  

Meeting her sharp glance  which was as sharp as ever when she asked
me  I could not on that short challenge answer no  quite frankly 

 Come   said she  accepting the offer of my hand to help her over
the fender  and looking wistfully up into my face   you know you
wouldn t mistrust me  if I was a full sized woman  

I felt that there was much truth in this  and I felt rather ashamed
of myself 

 You are a young man   she said  nodding    Take a word of advice 
even from three foot nothing   Try not to associate bodily defects
with mental  my good friend  except for a solid reason  

She had got over the fender now  and I had got over my suspicion 
I told her that I believed she had given me a faithful account of
herself  and that we had both been hapless instruments in designing
hands   She thanked me  and said I was a good fellow 

 Now  mind   she exclaimed  turning back on her way to the door 
and looking shrewdly at me  with her forefinger up again    I have
some reason to suspect  from what I have heard   my ears are always
open  I can t afford to spare what powers I have   that they are
gone abroad   But if ever they return  if ever any one of them
returns  while I am alive  I am more likely than another  going
about as I do  to find it out soon   Whatever I know  you shall
know   If ever I can do anything to serve the poor betrayed girl 
I will do it faithfully  please Heaven   And Littimer had better
have a bloodhound at his back  than little Mowcher  

I placed implicit faith in this last statement  when I marked the
look with which it was accompanied 

 Trust me no more  but trust me no less  than you would trust a
full sized woman   said the little creature  touching me
appealingly on the wrist    If ever you see me again  unlike what
I am now  and like what I was when you first saw me  observe what
company I am in   Call to mind that I am a very helpless and
defenceless little thing   Think of me at home with my brother like
myself and sister like myself  when my day s work is done   Perhaps
you won t  then  be very hard upon me  or surprised if I can be
distressed and serious   Good night  

I gave Miss Mowcher my hand  with a very different opinion of her
from that which I had hitherto entertained  and opened the door to
let her out   It was not a trifling business to get the great
umbrella up  and properly balanced in her grasp  but at last I
successfully accomplished this  and saw it go bobbing down the
street through the rain  without the least appearance of having
anybody underneath it  except when a heavier fall than usual from
some over charged water spout sent it toppling over  on one side 
and discovered Miss Mowcher struggling violently to get it right 
After making one or two sallies to her relief  which were rendered
futile by the umbrella s hopping on again  like an immense bird 
before I could reach it  I came in  went to bed  and slept till
morning 

In the morning I was joined by Mr  Peggotty and by my old nurse 
and we went at an early hour to the coach office  where Mrs 
Gummidge and Ham were waiting to take leave of us 

 Mas r Davy   Ham whispered  drawing me aside  while Mr  Peggotty
was stowing his bag among the luggage   his life is quite broke up 
He doen t know wheer he s going  he doen t know  what s afore him 
he s bound upon a voyage that ll last  on and off  all the rest of
his days  take my wured for  t  unless he finds what he s a seeking
of   I am sure you ll be a friend to him  Mas r Davy  

 Trust me  I will indeed   said I  shaking hands with Ham
earnestly 

 Thankee   Thankee  very kind  sir   One thing furder   I m in good
employ  you know  Mas r Davy  and I han t no way now of spending
what I gets   Money s of no use to me no more  except to live   If
you can lay it out for him  I shall do my work with a better art 
Though as to that  sir   and he spoke very steadily and mildly 
 you re not to think but I shall work at all times  like a man  and
act the best that lays in my power  

I told him I was well convinced of it  and I hinted that I hoped
the time might even come  when he would cease to lead the lonely
life he naturally contemplated now 

 No  sir   he said  shaking his head   all that s past and over
with me  sir   No one can never fill the place that s empty   But
you ll bear in mind about the money  as theer s at all times some
laying by for him  

Reminding him of the fact  that Mr  Peggotty derived a steady 
though certainly a very moderate income from the bequest of his
late brother in law  I promised to do so   We then took leave of
each other   I cannot leave him even now  without remembering with
a pang  at once his modest fortitude and his great sorrow 

As to Mrs  Gummidge  if I were to endeavour to describe how she ran
down the street by the side of the coach  seeing nothing but Mr 
Peggotty on the roof  through the tears she tried to repress  and
dashing herself against the people who were coming in the opposite
direction  I should enter on a task of some difficulty   Therefore
I had better leave her sitting on a baker s door step  out of
breath  with no shape at all remaining in her bonnet  and one of
her shoes off  lying on the pavement at a considerable distance 

When we got to our journey s end  our first pursuit was to look
about for a little lodging for Peggotty  where her brother could
have a bed   We were so fortunate as to find one  of a very clean
and cheap description  over a chandler s shop  only two streets
removed from me   When we had engaged this domicile  I bought some
cold meat at an eating house  and took my fellow travellers home to
tea  a proceeding  I regret to state  which did not meet with Mrs 
Crupp s approval  but quite the contrary   I ought to observe 
however  in explanation of that lady s state of mind  that she was
much offended by Peggotty s tucking up her widow s gown before she
had been ten minutes in the place  and setting to work to dust my
bedroom   This Mrs  Crupp regarded in the light of a liberty  and
a liberty  she said  was a thing she never allowed 

Mr  Peggotty had made a communication to me on the way to London
for which I was not unprepared   It was  that he purposed first
seeing Mrs  Steerforth   As I felt bound to assist him in this  and
also to mediate between them  with the view of sparing the mother s
feelings as much as possible  I wrote to her that night   I told
her as mildly as I could what his wrong was  and what my own share
in his injury   I said he was a man in very common life  but of a
most gentle and upright character  and that I ventured to express
a hope that she would not refuse to see him in his heavy trouble 
I mentioned two o clock in the afternoon as the hour of our coming 
and I sent the letter myself by the first coach in the morning 

At the appointed time  we stood at the door   the door of that
house where I had been  a few days since  so happy  where my
youthful confidence and warmth of heart had been yielded up so
freely  which was closed against me henceforth  which was now a
waste  a ruin 

No Littimer appeared   The pleasanter face which had replaced his 
on the occasion of my last visit  answered to our summons  and went
before us to the drawing room   Mrs  Steerforth was sitting there 
Rosa Dartle glided  as we went in  from another part of the room
and stood behind her chair 

I saw  directly  in his mother s face  that she knew from himself
what he had done   It was very pale  and bore the traces of deeper
emotion than my letter alone  weakened by the doubts her fondness
would have raised upon it  would have been likely to create   I
thought her more like him than ever I had thought her  and I felt 
rather than saw  that the resemblance was not lost on my companion 

She sat upright in her arm chair  with a stately  immovable 
passionless air  that it seemed as if nothing could disturb   She
looked very steadfastly at Mr  Peggotty when he stood before her 
and he looked quite as steadfastly at her   Rosa Dartle s keen
glance comprehended all of us   For some moments not a word was
spoken 

She motioned to Mr  Peggotty to be seated   He said  in a low
voice   I shouldn t feel it nat ral  ma am  to sit down in this
house   I d sooner stand    And this was succeeded by another
silence  which she broke thus 

 I know  with deep regret  what has brought you here   What do you
want of me   What do you ask me to do  

He put his hat under his arm  and feeling in his breast for Emily s
letter  took it out  unfolded it  and gave it to her 
 Please to read that  ma am   That s my niece s hand  

She read it  in the same stately and impassive way    untouched by
its contents  as far as I could see    and returned it to him 

  Unless he brings me back a lady    said Mr  Peggotty  tracing out
that part with his finger    I come to know  ma am  whether he will
keep his wured  

 No   she returned 

 Why not   said Mr  Peggotty 

 It is impossible   He would disgrace himself   You cannot fail to
know that she is far below him  

 Raise her up   said Mr  Peggotty 

 She is uneducated and ignorant  

 Maybe she s not  maybe she is   said Mr  Peggotty    I think not 
ma am  but I m no judge of them things   Teach her better  

 Since you oblige me to speak more plainly  which I am very
unwilling to do  her humble connexions would render such a thing
impossible  if nothing else did  

 Hark to this  ma am   he returned  slowly and quietly    You know
what it is to love your child   So do I   If she was a hundred
times my child  I couldn t love her more   You doen t know what it
is to lose your child   I do   All the heaps of riches in the
wureld would be nowt to me  if they was mine  to buy her back 
But  save her from this disgrace  and she shall never be disgraced
by us   Not one of us that she s growed up among  not one of us
that s lived along with her and had her for their all in all  these
many year  will ever look upon her pritty face again   We ll be
content to let her be  we ll be content to think of her  far off 
as if she was underneath another sun and sky  we ll be content to
trust her to her husband    to her little children  p raps    and
bide the time when all of us shall be alike in quality afore our
God  

The rugged eloquence with which he spoke  was not devoid of all
effect   She still preserved her proud manner  but there was a
touch of softness in her voice  as she answered 

 I justify nothing   I make no counter accusations   But I am sorry
to repeat  it is impossible   Such a marriage would irretrievably
blight my son s career  and ruin his prospects   Nothing is more
certain than that it never can take place  and never will   If
there is any other compensation   

 I am looking at the likeness of the face   interrupted Mr 
Peggotty  with a steady but a kindling eye   that has looked at me 
in my home  at my fireside  in my boat   wheer not     smiling and
friendly  when it was so treacherous  that I go half wild when I
think of it   If the likeness of that face don t turn to burning
fire  at the thought of offering money to me for my child s blight
and ruin  it s as bad   I doen t know  being a lady s  but what
it s worse  

She changed now  in a moment   An angry flush overspread her
features  and she said  in an intolerant manner  grasping the
arm chair tightly with her hands 

 What compensation can you make to ME for opening such a pit
between me and my son   What is your love to mine   What is your
separation to ours  

Miss Dartle softly touched her  and bent down her head to whisper 
but she would not hear a word 

 No  Rosa  not a word   Let the man listen to what I say   My son 
who has been the object of my life  to whom its every thought has
been devoted  whom I have gratified from a child in every wish 
from whom I have had no separate existence since his birth    to
take up in a moment with a miserable girl  and avoid me   To repay
my confidence with systematic deception  for her sake  and quit me
for her   To set this wretched fancy  against his mother s claims
upon his duty  love  respect  gratitude   claims that every day and
hour of his life should have strengthened into ties that nothing
could be proof against   Is this no injury  

Again Rosa Dartle tried to soothe her  again ineffectually 

 I say  Rosa  not a word   If he can stake his all upon the
lightest object  I can stake my all upon a greater purpose   Let
him go where he will  with the means that my love has secured to
him   Does he think to reduce me by long absence   He knows his
mother very little if he does   Let him put away his whim now  and
he is welcome back   Let him not put her away now  and he never
shall come near me  living or dying  while I can raise my hand to
make a sign against it  unless  being rid of her for ever  he comes
humbly to me and begs for my forgiveness   This is my right   This
is the acknowledgement I WILL HAVE   This is the separation that
there is between us   And is this   she added  looking at her
visitor with the proud intolerant air with which she had begun   no
injury  

While I heard and saw the mother as she said these words  I seemed
to hear and see the son  defying them   All that I had ever seen in
him of an unyielding  wilful spirit  I saw in her   All the
understanding that I had now of his misdirected energy  became an
understanding of her character too  and a perception that it was 
in its strongest springs  the same 

She now observed to me  aloud  resuming her former restraint  that
it was useless to hear more  or to say more  and that she begged to
put an end to the interview   She rose with an air of dignity to
leave the room  when Mr  Peggotty signified that it was needless 

 Doen t fear me being any hindrance to you  I have no more to say 
ma am   he remarked  as he moved towards the door    I come beer
with no hope  and I take away no hope   I have done what I thowt
should be done  but I never looked fur any good to come of my
stan ning where I do   This has been too evil a house fur me and
mine  fur me to be in my right senses and expect it  

With this  we departed  leaving her standing by her elbow chair  a
picture of a noble presence and a handsome face 

We had  on our way out  to cross a paved hall  with glass sides and
roof  over which a vine was trained   Its leaves and shoots were
green then  and the day being sunny  a pair of glass doors leading
to the garden were thrown open   Rosa Dartle  entering this way
with a noiseless step  when we were close to them  addressed
herself to me 

 You do well   she said   indeed  to bring this fellow here  

Such a concentration of rage and scorn as darkened her face  and
flashed in her jet black eyes  I could not have thought
compressible even into that face   The scar made by the hammer was 
as usual in this excited state of her features  strongly marked 
When the throbbing I had seen before  came into it as I looked at
her  she absolutely lifted up her hand  and struck it 

 This is a fellow   she said   to champion and bring here  is he
not   You are a true man  

 Miss Dartle   I returned   you are surely not so unjust as to
condemn ME  

 Why do you bring division between these two mad creatures   she
returned    Don t you know that they are both mad with their own
self will and pride  

 Is it my doing   I returned 

 Is it your doing   she retorted    Why do you bring this man
here  

 He is a deeply injured man  Miss Dartle   I replied    You may not
know it  

 I know that James Steerforth   she said  with her hand on her
bosom  as if to prevent the storm that was raging there  from being
loud   has a false  corrupt heart  and is a traitor   But what need
I know or care about this fellow  and his common niece  

 Miss Dartle   I returned   you deepen the injury   It is
sufficient already   I will only say  at parting  that you do him
a great wrong  

 I do him no wrong   she returned    They are a depraved  worthless
set   I would have her whipped  

Mr  Peggotty passed on  without a word  and went out at the door 

 Oh  shame  Miss Dartle  shame   I said indignantly    How can you
bear to trample on his undeserved affliction  

 I would trample on them all   she answered    I would have his
house pulled down   I would have her branded on the face  dressed
in rags  and cast out in the streets to starve   If I had the power
to sit in judgement on her  I would see it done   See it done   I
would do it   I detest her   If I ever could reproach her with her
infamous condition  I would go anywhere to do so   If I could hunt
her to her grave  I would   If there was any word of comfort that
would be a solace to her in her dying hour  and only I possessed
it  I wouldn t part with it for Life itself  

The mere vehemence of her words can convey  I am sensible  but a
weak impression of the passion by which she was possessed  and
which made itself articulate in her whole figure  though her voice 
instead of being raised  was lower than usual   No description I
could give of her would do justice to my recollection of her  or to
her entire deliverance of herself to her anger   I have seen
passion in many forms  but I have never seen it in such a form as
that 

When I joined Mr  Peggotty  he was walking slowly and thoughtfully
down the hill   He told me  as soon as I came up with him  that
having now discharged his mind of what he had purposed doing in
London  he meant  to set out on his travels   that night   I asked
him where he meant to go   He only answered   I m a going  sir  to
seek my niece  

We went back to the little lodging over the chandler s shop  and
there I found an opportunity of repeating to Peggotty what he had
said to me   She informed me  in return  that he had said the same
to her that morning   She knew no more than I did  where he was
going  but she thought he had some project shaped out in his mind 

I did not like to leave him  under such circumstances  and we all
three dined together off a beefsteak pie   which was one of the
many good things for which Peggotty was famous   and which was
curiously flavoured on this occasion  I recollect well  by a
miscellaneous taste of tea  coffee  butter  bacon  cheese  new
loaves  firewood  candles  and walnut ketchup  continually
ascending from the shop   After dinner we sat for an hour or so
near the window  without talking much  and then Mr  Peggotty got
up  and brought his oilskin bag and his stout stick  and laid them
on the table 

He accepted  from his sister s stock of ready money  a small sum on
account of his legacy  barely enough  I should have thought  to
keep him for a month   He promised to communicate with me  when
anything befell him  and he slung his bag about him  took his hat
and stick  and bade us both  Good bye  

 All good attend you  dear old woman   he said  embracing Peggotty 
 and you too  Mas r Davy   shaking hands with me    I m a going to
seek her  fur and wide   If she should come home while I m away  
but ah  that ain t like to be    or if I should bring her back  my
meaning is  that she and me shall live and die where no one can t
reproach her   If any hurt should come to me  remember that the
last words I left for her was   My unchanged love is with my
darling child  and I forgive her   

He said this solemnly  bare headed  then  putting on his hat  he
went down the stairs  and away   We followed to the door   It was
a warm  dusty evening  just the time when  in the great main
thoroughfare out of which that by way turned  there was a temporary
lull in the eternal tread of feet upon the pavement  and a strong
red sunshine   He turned  alone  at the corner of our shady street 
into a glow of light  in which we lost him 

Rarely did that hour of the evening come  rarely did I wake at
night  rarely did I look up at the moon  or stars  or watch the
falling rain  or hear the wind  but I thought of his solitary
figure toiling on  poor pilgrim  and recalled the words 

 I m a going to seek her  fur and wide   If any hurt should come to
me  remember that the last words I left for her was   My unchanged
love is with my darling child  and I forgive her   



CHAPTER   
BLISSFUL


All this time  I had gone on loving Dora  harder than ever   Her
idea was my refuge in disappointment and distress  and made some
amends to me  even for the loss of my friend   The more I pitied
myself  or pitied others  the more I sought for consolation in the
image of Dora   The greater the accumulation of deceit and trouble
in the world  the brighter and the purer shone the star of Dora
high above the world   I don t think I had any definite idea where
Dora came from  or in what degree she was related to a higher order
of beings  but I am quite sure I should have scouted the notion of
her being simply human  like any other young lady  with indignation
and contempt 

If I may so express it  I was steeped in Dora   I was not merely
over head and ears in love with her  but I was saturated through
and through   Enough love might have been wrung out of me 
metaphorically speaking  to drown anybody in  and yet there would
have remained enough within me  and all over me  to pervade my
entire existence 

The first thing I did  on my own account  when I came back  was to
take a night walk to Norwood  and  like the subject of a venerable
riddle of my childhood  to go  round and round the house  without
ever touching the house   thinking about Dora   I believe the theme
of this incomprehensible conundrum was the moon   No matter what it
was  I  the moon struck slave of Dora  perambulated round and round
the house and garden for two hours  looking through crevices in the
palings  getting my chin by dint of violent exertion above the
rusty nails on the top  blowing kisses at the lights in the
windows  and romantically calling on the night  at intervals  to
shield my Dora   I don t exactly know what from  I suppose from
fire   Perhaps from mice  to which she had a great objection 

My love was so much in my mind and it was so natural to me to
confide in Peggotty  when I found her again by my side of an
evening with the old set of industrial implements  busily making
the tour of my wardrobe  that I imparted to her  in a sufficiently
roundabout way  my great secret   Peggotty was strongly interested 
but I could not get her into my view of the case at all   She was
audaciously prejudiced in my favour  and quite unable to understand
why I should have any misgivings  or be low spirited about it 
 The young lady might think herself well off   she observed   to
have such a beau   And as to her Pa   she said   what did the
gentleman expect  for gracious sake  

I observed  however  that Mr  Spenlow s proctorial gown and stiff
cravat took Peggotty down a little  and inspired her with a greater
reverence for the man who was gradually becoming more and more
etherealized in my eyes every day  and about whom a reflected
radiance seemed to me to beam when he sat erect in Court among his
papers  like a little lighthouse in a sea of stationery   And by
the by  it used to be uncommonly strange to me to consider  I
remember  as I sat in Court too  how those dim old judges and
doctors wouldn t have cared for Dora  if they had known her  how
they wouldn t have gone out of their senses with rapture  if
marriage with Dora had been proposed to them  how Dora might have
sung  and played upon that glorified guitar  until she led me to
the verge of madness  yet not have tempted one of those slow goers
an inch out of his road 

I despised them  to a man   Frozen out old gardeners in the
flower beds of the heart  I took a personal offence against them
all   The Bench was nothing to me but an insensible blunderer   The
Bar had no more tenderness or poetry in it  than the bar of a
public house 

Taking the management of Peggotty s affairs into my own hands  with
no little pride  I proved the will  and came to a settlement with
the Legacy Duty office  and took her to the Bank  and soon got
everything into an orderly train   We varied the legal character of
these proceedings by going to see some perspiring Wax work  in
Fleet Street  melted  I should hope  these twenty years   and by
visiting Miss Linwood s Exhibition  which I remember as a Mausoleum
of needlework  favourable to self examination and repentance  and
by inspecting the Tower of London  and going to the top of St 
Paul s   All these wonders afforded Peggotty as much pleasure as
she was able to enjoy  under existing circumstances  except  I
think  St  Paul s  which  from her long attachment to her work box 
became a rival of the picture on the lid  and was  in some
particulars  vanquished  she considered  by that work of art 

Peggotty s business  which was what we used to call  common form
business  in the Commons  and very light and lucrative the
common form business was   being settled  I took her down to the
office one morning to pay her bill   Mr  Spenlow had stepped out 
old Tiffey said  to get a gentleman sworn for a marriage licence 
but as I knew he would be back directly  our place lying close to
the Surrogate s  and to the Vicar General s office too  I told
Peggotty to wait 

We were a little like undertakers  in the Commons  as regarded
Probate transactions  generally making it a rule to look more or
less cut up  when we had to deal with clients in mourning   In a
similar feeling of delicacy  we were always blithe and
light hearted with the licence clients   Therefore I hinted to
Peggotty that she would find Mr  Spenlow much recovered from the
shock of Mr  Barkis s decease  and indeed he came in like a
bridegroom 

But neither Peggotty nor I had eyes for him  when we saw  in
company with him  Mr  Murdstone   He was very little changed   His
hair looked as thick  and was certainly as black  as ever  and his
glance was as little to be trusted as of old 

 Ah  Copperfield   said Mr  Spenlow    You know this gentleman  I
believe  

I made my gentleman a distant bow  and Peggotty barely recognized
him   He was  at first  somewhat disconcerted to meet us two
together  but quickly decided what to do  and came up to me 

 I hope   he said   that you are doing well  

 It can hardly be interesting to you   said I    Yes  if you wish
to know  

We looked at each other  and he addressed himself to Peggotty 

 And you   said he    I am sorry to observe that you have lost your
husband  

 It s not the first loss I have had in my life  Mr  Murdstone  
replied Peggotty  trembling from head to foot    I am glad to hope
that there is nobody to blame for this one    nobody to answer for
it  

 Ha   said he   that s a comfortable reflection   You have done
your duty  

 I have not worn anybody s life away   said Peggotty   I am
thankful to think   No  Mr  Murdstone  I have not worrited and
frightened any sweet creetur to an early grave  

He eyed her gloomily   remorsefully I thought   for an instant  and
said  turning his head towards me  but looking at my feet instead
of my face 

 We are not likely to encounter soon again    a source of
satisfaction to us both  no doubt  for such meetings as this can
never be agreeable   I do not expect that you  who always rebelled
against my just authority  exerted for your benefit and
reformation  should owe me any good will now   There is an
antipathy between us   

 An old one  I believe   said I  interrupting him 

He smiled  and shot as evil a glance at me as could come from his
dark eyes 

 It rankled in your baby breast   he said    It embittered the life
of your poor mother   You are right   I hope you may do better 
yet  I hope you may correct yourself  

Here he ended the dialogue  which had been carried on in a low
voice  in a corner of the outer office  by passing into Mr 
Spenlow s room  and saying aloud  in his smoothest manner 

 Gentlemen of Mr  Spenlow s profession are accustomed to family
differences  and know how complicated and difficult they always
are   With that  he paid the money for his licence  and  receiving
it neatly folded from Mr  Spenlow  together with a shake of the
hand  and a polite wish for his happiness and the lady s  went out
of the office 

I might have had more difficulty in constraining myself to be
silent under his words  if I had had less difficulty in impressing
upon Peggotty  who was only angry on my account  good creature  
that we were not in a place for recrimination  and that I besought
her to hold her peace   She was so unusually roused  that I was
glad to compound for an affectionate hug  elicited by this revival
in her mind of our old injuries  and to make the best I could of
it  before Mr  Spenlow and the clerks 

Mr  Spenlow did not appear to know what the connexion between Mr 
Murdstone and myself was  which I was glad of  for I could not bear
to acknowledge him  even in my own breast  remembering what I did
of the history of my poor mother   Mr  Spenlow seemed to think  if
he thought anything about the matter  that my aunt was the leader
of the state party in our family  and that there was a rebel party
commanded by somebody else   so I gathered at least from what he
said  while we were waiting for Mr  Tiffey to make out Peggotty s
bill of costs 

 Miss Trotwood   he remarked   is very firm  no doubt  and not
likely to give way to opposition   I have an admiration for her
character  and I may congratulate you  Copperfield  on being on the
right side   Differences between relations are much to be deplored
  but they are extremely general   and the great thing is  to be on
the right side   meaning  I take it  on the side of the moneyed
interest 

 Rather a good marriage this  I believe   said Mr  Spenlow 

I explained that I knew nothing about it 

 Indeed   he said    Speaking from the few words Mr  Murdstone
dropped   as a man frequently does on these occasions   and from
what Miss Murdstone let fall  I should say it was rather a good
marriage  

 Do you mean that there is money  sir   I asked 

 Yes   said Mr  Spenlow   I understand there s money   Beauty too 
I am told  

 Indeed   Is his new wife young  

 Just of age   said Mr  Spenlow    So lately  that I should think
they had been waiting for that  

 Lord deliver her   said Peggotty   So very emphatically and
unexpectedly  that we were all three discomposed  until Tiffey came
in with the bill 

Old Tiffey soon appeared  however  and handed it to Mr  Spenlow  to
look over   Mr  Spenlow  settling his chin in his cravat and
rubbing it softly  went over the items with a deprecatory air   as
if it were all Jorkins s doing   and handed it back to Tiffey with
a bland sigh 

 Yes   he said    That s right   Quite right   I should have been
extremely happy  Copperfield  to have limited these charges to the
actual expenditure out of pocket  but it is an irksome incident in
my professional life  that I am not at liberty to consult my own
wishes   I have a partner   Mr  Jorkins  

As he said this with a gentle melancholy  which was the next thing
to making no charge at all  I expressed my acknowledgements on
Peggotty s behalf  and paid Tiffey in banknotes   Peggotty then
retired to her lodging  and Mr  Spenlow and I went into Court 
where we had a divorce suit coming on  under an ingenious little
statute  repealed now  I believe  but in virtue of which I have
seen several marriages annulled   of which the merits were these 
The husband  whose name was Thomas Benjamin  had taken out his
marriage licence as Thomas only  suppressing the Benjamin  in case
he should not find himself as comfortable as he expected   NOT
finding himself as comfortable as he expected  or being a little
fatigued with his wife  poor fellow  he now came forward  by a
friend  after being married a year or two  and declared that his
name was Thomas Benjamin  and therefore he was not married at all 
Which the Court confirmed  to his great satisfaction 

I must say that I had my doubts about the strict justice of this 
and was not even frightened out of them by the bushel of wheat
which reconciles all anomalies   But Mr  Spenlow argued the matter
with me   He said  Look at the world  there was good and evil in
that  look at the ecclesiastical law  there was good and evil in
THAT   It was all part of a system   Very good   There you were 

I had not the hardihood to suggest to Dora s father that possibly
we might even improve the world a little  if we got up early in the
morning  and took off our coats to the work  but I confessed that
I thought we might improve the Commons   Mr  Spenlow replied that
he would particularly advise me to dismiss that idea from my mind 
as not being worthy of my gentlemanly character  but that he would
be glad to hear from me of what improvement I thought the Commons
susceptible 

Taking that part of the Commons which happened to be nearest to us
  for our man was unmarried by this time  and we were out of Court 
and strolling past the Prerogative Office   I submitted that I
thought the Prerogative Office rather a queerly managed
institution   Mr  Spenlow inquired in what respect   I replied 
with all due deference to his experience  but with more deference 
I am afraid  to his being Dora s father   that perhaps it was a
little nonsensical that the Registry of that Court  containing the
original wills of all persons leaving effects within the immense
province of Canterbury  for three whole centuries  should be an
accidental building  never designed for the purpose  leased by the
registrars for their Own private emolument  unsafe  not even
ascertained to be fire proof  choked with the important documents
it held  and positively  from the roof to the basement  a mercenary
speculation of the registrars  who took great fees from the public 
and crammed the public s wills away anyhow and anywhere  having no
other object than to get rid of them cheaply   That  perhaps  it
was a little unreasonable that these registrars in the receipt of
profits amounting to eight or nine thousand pounds a year  to say
nothing of the profits of the deputy registrars  and clerks of
seats   should not be obliged to spend a little of that money  in
finding a reasonably safe place for the important documents which
all classes of people were compelled to hand over to them  whether
they would or no   That  perhaps  it was a little unjust  that all
the great offices in this great office should be magnificent
sinecures  while the unfortunate working clerks in the cold dark
room upstairs were the worst rewarded  and the least considered
men  doing important services  in London   That perhaps it was a
little indecent that the principal registrar of all  whose duty it
was to find the public  constantly resorting to this place  all
needful accommodation  should be an enormous sinecurist in virtue
of that post  and might be  besides  a clergyman  a pluralist  the
holder of a staff in a cathedral  and what not     while the public
was put to the inconvenience of which we had a specimen every
afternoon when the office was busy  and which we knew to be quite
monstrous   That  perhaps  in short  this Prerogative Office of the
diocese of Canterbury was altogether such a pestilent job  and such
a pernicious absurdity  that but for its being squeezed away in a
corner of St  Paul s Churchyard  which few people knew  it must
have been turned completely inside out  and upside down  long ago 

Mr  Spenlow smiled as I became modestly warm on the subject  and
then argued this question with me as he had argued the other   He
said  what was it after all   It was a question of feeling   If the
public felt that their wills were in safe keeping  and took it for
granted that the office was not to be made better  who was the
worse for it   Nobody   Who was the better for it   All the
Sinecurists   Very well   Then the good predominated   It might not
be a perfect system  nothing was perfect  but what he objected to 
was  the insertion of the wedge   Under the Prerogative Office  the
country had been glorious   Insert the wedge into the Prerogative
Office  and the country would cease to be glorious   He considered
it the principle of a gentleman to take things as he found them 
and he had no doubt the Prerogative Office would last our time   I
deferred to his opinion  though I had great doubts of it myself 
I find he was right  however  for it has not only lasted to the
present moment  but has done so in the teeth of a great
parliamentary report made  not too willingly  eighteen years ago 
when all these objections of mine were set forth in detail  and
when the existing stowage for wills was described as equal to the
accumulation of only two years and a half more   What they have
done with them since  whether they have lost many  or whether they
sell any  now and then  to the butter shops  I don t know   I am
glad mine is not there  and I hope it may not go there  yet awhile 

I have set all this down  in my present blissful chapter  because
here it comes into its natural place   Mr  Spenlow and I falling
into this conversation  prolonged it and our saunter to and fro 
until we diverged into general topics   And so it came about  in
the end  that Mr  Spenlow told me this day week was Dora s
birthday  and he would be glad if I would come down and join a
little picnic on the occasion   I went out of my senses
immediately  became a mere driveller next day  on receipt of a
little lace edged sheet of note paper   Favoured by papa   To
remind   and passed the intervening period in a state of dotage 

I think I committed every possible absurdity in the way of
preparation for this blessed event   I turn hot when I remember the
cravat I bought   My boots might be placed in any collection of
instruments of torture   I provided  and sent down by the Norwood
coach the night before  a delicate little hamper  amounting in
itself  I thought  almost to a declaration   There were crackers in
it with the tenderest mottoes that could be got for money   At six
in the morning  I was in Covent Garden Market  buying a bouquet for
Dora   At ten I was on horseback  I hired a gallant grey  for the
occasion   with the bouquet in my hat  to keep it fresh  trotting
down to Norwood 

I suppose that when I saw Dora in the garden and pretended not to
see her  and rode past the house pretending to be anxiously looking
for it  I committed two small fooleries which other young gentlemen
in my circumstances might have committed   because they came so
very natural to me   But oh  when I DID find the house  and DID
dismount at the garden gate  and drag those stony hearted boots
across the lawn to Dora sitting on a garden seat under a lilac
tree  what a spectacle she was  upon that beautiful morning  among
the butterflies  in a white chip bonnet and a dress of celestial
blue   There was a young lady with her   comparatively stricken in
years   almost twenty  I should say   Her name was Miss Mills   And
Dora called her Julia   She was the bosom friend of Dora   Happy
Miss Mills 

Jip was there  and Jip WOULD bark at me again   When I presented my
bouquet  he gnashed his teeth with jealousy   Well he might   If he
had the least idea how I adored his mistress  well he might 

 Oh  thank you  Mr  Copperfield   What dear flowers   said Dora 

I had had an intention of saying  and had been studying the best
form of words for three miles  that I thought them beautiful before
I saw them so near HER   But I couldn t manage it   She was too
bewildering   To see her lay the flowers against her little dimpled
chin  was to lose all presence of mind and power of language in a
feeble ecstasy   I wonder I didn t say   Kill me  if you have a
heart  Miss Mills   Let me die here  

Then Dora held my flowers to Jip to smell   Then Jip growled  and
wouldn t smell them   Then Dora laughed  and held them a little
closer to Jip  to make him   Then Jip laid hold of a bit of
geranium with his teeth  and worried imaginary cats in it   Then
Dora beat him  and pouted  and said   My poor beautiful flowers  
as compassionately  I thought  as if Jip had laid hold of me   I
wished he had 

 You ll be so glad to hear  Mr  Copperfield   said Dora   that that
cross Miss Murdstone is not here   She has gone to her brother s
marriage  and will be away at least three weeks   Isn t that
delightful  

I said I was sure it must be delightful to her  and all that was
delightful to her was delightful to me   Miss Mills  with an air of
superior wisdom and benevolence  smiled upon us 

 She is the most disagreeable thing I ever saw   said Dora    You
can t believe how ill tempered and shocking she is  Julia  

 Yes  I can  my dear   said Julia 

 YOU can  perhaps  love   returned Dora  with her hand on julia s 
 Forgive my not excepting you  my dear  at first  

I learnt  from this  that Miss Mills had had her trials in the
course of a chequered existence  and that to these  perhaps  I
might refer that wise benignity of manner which I had already
noticed   I found  in the course of the day  that this was the
case  Miss Mills having been unhappy in a misplaced affection  and
being understood to have retired from the world on her awful stock
of experience  but still to take a calm interest in the unblighted
hopes and loves of youth 

But now Mr  Spenlow came out of the house  and Dora went to him 
saying   Look  papa  what beautiful flowers   And Miss Mills smiled
thoughtfully  as who should say   Ye Mayflies  enjoy your brief
existence in the bright morning of life   And we all walked from
the lawn towards the carriage  which was getting ready 

I shall never have such a ride again   I have never had such
another   There were only those three  their hamper  my hamper  and
the guitar case  in the phaeton  and  of course  the phaeton was
open  and I rode behind it  and Dora sat with her back to the
horses  looking towards me   She kept the bouquet close to her on
the cushion  and wouldn t allow Jip to sit on that side of her at
all  for fear he should crush it   She often carried it in her
hand  often refreshed herself with its fragrance   Our eyes at
those times often met  and my great astonishment is that I didn t
go over the head of my gallant grey into the carriage 

There was dust  I believe   There was a good deal of dust  I
believe   I have a faint impression that Mr  Spenlow remonstrated
with me for riding in it  but I knew of none   I was sensible of a
mist of love and beauty about Dora  but of nothing else   He stood
up sometimes  and asked me what I thought of the prospect   I said
it was delightful  and I dare say it was  but it was all Dora to
me   The sun shone Dora  and the birds sang Dora   The south wind
blew Dora  and the wild flowers in the hedges were all Doras  to a
bud   My comfort is  Miss Mills understood me   Miss Mills alone
could enter into my feelings thoroughly 

I don t know how long we were going  and to this hour I know as
little where we went   Perhaps it was near Guildford   Perhaps some
Arabian night magician  opened up the place for the day  and shut
it up for ever when we came away   It was a green spot  on a hill 
carpeted with soft turf   There were shady trees  and heather  and 
as far as the eye could see  a rich landscape 

It was a trying thing to find people here  waiting for us  and my
jealousy  even of the ladies  knew no bounds   But all of my own
sex   especially one impostor  three or four years my elder  with
a red whisker  on which he established an amount of presumption not
to be endured   were my mortal foes 

We all unpacked our baskets  and employed ourselves in getting
dinner ready   Red Whisker pretended he could make a salad  which
I don t believe   and obtruded himself on public notice   Some of
the young ladies washed the lettuces for him  and sliced them under
his directions   Dora was among these   I felt that fate had pitted
me against this man  and one of us must fall 

Red Whisker made his salad  I wondered how they could eat it 
Nothing should have induced ME to touch it   and voted himself into
the charge of the wine cellar  which he constructed  being an
ingenious beast  in the hollow trunk of a tree   By and by  I saw
him  with the majority of a lobster on his plate  eating his dinner
at the feet of Dora 

I have but an indistinct idea of what happened for some time after
this baleful object presented itself to my view   I was very merry 
I know  but it was hollow merriment   I attached myself to a young
creature in pink  with little eyes  and flirted with her
desperately   She received my attentions with favour  but whether
on my account solely  or because she had any designs on Red
Whisker  I can t say   Dora s health was drunk   When I drank it 
I affected to interrupt my conversation for that purpose  and to
resume it immediately afterwards   I caught Dora s eye as I bowed
to her  and I thought it looked appealing   But it looked at me
over the head of Red Whisker  and I was adamant 

The young creature in pink had a mother in green  and I rather
think the latter separated us from motives of policy   Howbeit 
there was a general breaking up of the party  while the remnants of
the dinner were being put away  and I strolled off by myself among
the trees  in a raging and remorseful state   I was debating
whether I should pretend that I was not well  and fly   I don t
know where   upon my gallant grey  when Dora and Miss Mills met me 

 Mr  Copperfield   said Miss Mills   you are dull  

I begged her pardon   Not at all 

 And Dora   said Miss Mills   YOU are dull  

Oh dear no   Not in the least 

 Mr  Copperfield and Dora   said Miss Mills  with an almost
venerable air    Enough of this   Do not allow a trivial
misunderstanding to wither the blossoms of spring  which  once put
forth and blighted  cannot be renewed   I speak   said Miss Mills 
 from experience of the past   the remote  irrevocable past   The
gushing fountains which sparkle in the sun  must not be stopped in
mere caprice  the oasis in the desert of Sahara must not be plucked
up idly  

I hardly knew what I did  I was burning all over to that
extraordinary extent  but I took Dora s little hand and kissed it
  and she let me   I kissed Miss Mills s hand  and we all seemed 
to my thinking  to go straight up to the seventh heaven 
We did not come down again   We stayed up there all the evening 
At first we strayed to and fro among the trees  I with Dora s shy
arm drawn through mine  and Heaven knows  folly as it all was  it
would have been a happy fate to have been struck immortal with
those foolish feelings  and have stayed among the trees for ever 

But  much too soon  we heard the others laughing and talking  and
calling  where s Dora   So we went back  and they wanted Dora to
sing   Red Whisker would have got the guitar case out of the
carriage  but Dora told him nobody knew where it was  but I   So
Red Whisker was done for in a moment  and I got it  and I unlocked
it  and I took the guitar out  and I sat by her  and I held her
handkerchief and gloves  and I drank in every note of her dear
voice  and she sang to ME who loved her  and all the others might
applaud as much as they liked  but they had nothing to do with it 

I was intoxicated with joy   I was afraid it was too happy to be
real  and that I should wake in Buckingham Street presently  and
hear Mrs  Crupp clinking the teacups in getting breakfast ready 
But Dora sang  and others sang  and Miss Mills sang   about the
slumbering echoes in the caverns of Memory  as if she were a
hundred years old   and the evening came on  and we had tea  with
the kettle boiling gipsy fashion  and I was still as happy as ever 

I was happier than ever when the party broke up  and the other
people  defeated Red Whisker and all  went their several ways  and
we went ours through the still evening and the dying light  with
sweet scents rising up around us   Mr  Spenlow being a little
drowsy after the champagne   honour to the soil that grew the
grape  to the grape that made the wine  to the sun that ripened it 
and to the merchant who adulterated it    and being fast asleep in
a corner of the carriage  I rode by the side and talked to Dora 
She admired my horse and patted him   oh  what a dear little hand
it looked upon a horse    and her shawl would not keep right  and
now and then I drew it round her with my arm  and I even fancied
that Jip began to see how it was  and to understand that he must
make up his mind to be friends with me 

That sagacious Miss Mills  too  that amiable  though quite used up 
recluse  that little patriarch of something less than twenty  who
had done with the world  and mustn t on any account have the
slumbering echoes in the caverns of Memory awakened  what a kind
thing she did 

 Mr  Copperfield   said Miss Mills   come to this side of the
carriage a moment   if you can spare a moment   I want to speak to
you  

Behold me  on my gallant grey  bending at the side of Miss Mills 
with my hand upon the carriage door 

 Dora is coming to stay with me   She is coming home with me the
day after tomorrow   If you would like to call  I am sure papa
would be happy to see you  
What could I do but invoke a silent blessing on Miss Mills s head 
and store Miss Mills s address in the securest corner of my memory 
What could I do but tell Miss Mills  with grateful looks and
fervent words  how much I appreciated her good offices  and what an
inestimable value I set upon her friendship 

Then Miss Mills benignantly dismissed me  saying   Go back to
Dora   and I went  and Dora leaned out of the carriage to talk to
me  and we talked all the rest of the way  and I rode my gallant
grey so close to the wheel that I grazed his near fore leg against
it  and  took the bark off   as his owner told me   to the tune of
three pun  sivin    which I paid  and thought extremely cheap for
so much joy   What time Miss Mills sat looking at the moon 
murmuring verses  and recalling  I suppose  the ancient days when
she and earth had anything in common 

Norwood was many miles too near  and we reached it many hours too
soon  but Mr  Spenlow came to himself a little short of it  and
said   You must come in  Copperfield  and rest   and I consenting 
we had sandwiches and wine and water   In the light room  Dora
blushing looked so lovely  that I could not tear myself away  but
sat there staring  in a dream  until the snoring of Mr  Spenlow
inspired me with sufficient consciousness to take my leave   So we
parted  I riding all the way to London with the farewell touch of
Dora s hand still light on mine  recalling every incident and word
ten thousand times  lying down in my own bed at last  as enraptured
a young noodle as ever was carried out of his five wits by love 

When I awoke next morning  I was resolute to declare my passion to
Dora  and know my fate   Happiness or misery was now the question 
There was no other question that I knew of in the world  and only
Dora could give the answer to it   I passed three days in a luxury
of wretchedness  torturing myself by putting every conceivable
variety of discouraging construction on all that ever had taken
place between Dora and me   At last  arrayed for the purpose at a
vast expense  I went to Miss Mills s  fraught with a declaration 

How many times I went up and down the street  and round the square
  painfully aware of being a much better answer to the old riddle
than the original one   before I could persuade myself to go up the
steps and knock  is no matter now   Even when  at last  I had
knocked  and was waiting at the door  I had some flurried thought
of asking if that were Mr  Blackboy s  in imitation of poor
Barkis   begging pardon  and retreating   But I kept my ground 

Mr  Mills was not at home   I did not expect he would be   Nobody
wanted HIM   Miss Mills was at home   Miss Mills would do 

I was shown into a room upstairs  where Miss Mills and Dora were 
Jip was there   Miss Mills was copying music  I recollect  it was
a new song  called  Affection s Dirge    and Dora was painting
flowers   What were my feelings  when I recognized my own flowers 
the identical Covent Garden Market purchase   I cannot say that
they were very like  or that they particularly resembled any
flowers that have ever come under my observation  but I knew from
the paper round them which was accurately copied  what the
composition was 

Miss Mills was very glad to see me  and very sorry her papa was not
at home  though I thought we all bore that with fortitude   Miss
Mills was conversational for a few minutes  and then  laying down
her pen upon  Affection s Dirge   got up  and left the room 

I began to think I would put it off till tomorrow 

 I hope your poor horse was not tired  when he got home at night  
said Dora  lifting up her beautiful eyes    It was a long way for
him  

I began to think I would do it today 

 It was a long way for him   said I   for he had nothing to uphold
him on the journey  

 Wasn t he fed  poor thing   asked Dora 

I began to think I would put it off till tomorrow 

 Ye yes   I said   he was well taken care of   I mean he had not
the unutterable happiness that I had in being so near you  

Dora bent her head over her drawing and said  after a little while
  I had sat  in the interval  in a burning fever  and with my legs
in a very rigid state  

 You didn t seem to be sensible of that happiness yourself  at one
time of the day  

I saw now that I was in for it  and it must be done on the spot 

 You didn t care for that happiness in the least   said Dora 
slightly raising her eyebrows  and shaking her head   when you were
sitting by Miss Kitt  

Kitt  I should observe  was the name of the creature in pink  with
the little eyes 

 Though certainly I don t know why you should   said Dora  or why
you should call it a happiness at all   But of course you don t
mean what you say   And I am sure no one doubts your being at
liberty to do whatever you like   Jip  you naughty boy  come here  

I don t know how I did it   I did it in a moment   I intercepted
Jip   I had Dora in my arms   I was full of eloquence   I never
stopped for a word   I told her how I loved her   I told her I
should die without her   I told her that I idolized and worshipped
her   Jip barked madly all the time 

When Dora hung her head and cried  and trembled  my eloquence
increased so much the more   If she would like me to die for her 
she had but to say the word  and I was ready   Life without Dora s
love was not a thing to have on any terms   I couldn t bear it  and
I wouldn t   I had loved her every minute  day and night  since I
first saw her   I loved her at that minute to distraction   I
should always love her  every minute  to distraction   Lovers had
loved before  and lovers would love again  but no lover had loved 
might  could  would  or should ever love  as I loved Dora   The
more I raved  the more Jip barked   Each of us  in his own way  got
more mad every moment 

Well  well   Dora and I were sitting on the sofa by and by  quiet
enough  and Jip was lying in her lap  winking peacefully at me   It
was off my mind   I was in a state of perfect rapture   Dora and I
were engaged 

I suppose we had some notion that this was to end in marriage   We
must have had some  because Dora stipulated that we were never to
be married without her papa s consent   But  in our youthful
ecstasy  I don t think that we really looked before us or behind
us  or had any aspiration beyond the ignorant present   We were to
keep our secret from Mr  Spenlow  but I am sure the idea never
entered my head  then  that there was anything dishonourable in
that 

Miss Mills was more than usually pensive when Dora  going to find
her  brought her back    I apprehend  because there was a tendency
in what had passed to awaken the slumbering echoes in the caverns
of Memory   But she gave us her blessing  and the assurance of her
lasting friendship  and spoke to us  generally  as became a Voice
from the Cloister 

What an idle time it was   What an insubstantial  happy  foolish
time it was 

When I measured Dora s finger for a ring that was to be made of
Forget me nots  and when the jeweller  to whom I took the measure 
found me out  and laughed over his order book  and charged me
anything he liked for the pretty little toy  with its blue stones
  so associated in my remembrance with Dora s hand  that yesterday 
when I saw such another  by chance  on the finger of my own
daughter  there was a momentary stirring in my heart  like pain 

When I walked about  exalted with my secret  and full of my own
interest  and felt the dignity of loving Dora  and of being
beloved  so much  that if I had walked the air  I could not have
been more above the people not so situated  who were creeping on
the earth 

When we had those meetings in the garden of the square  and sat
within the dingy summer house  so happy  that I love the London
sparrows to this hour  for nothing else  and see the plumage of the
tropics in their smoky feathers 
When we had our first great quarrel  within a week of our
betrothal   and when Dora sent me back the ring  enclosed in a
despairing cocked hat note  wherein she used the terrible
expression that  our love had begun in folly  and ended in
madness   which dreadful words occasioned me to tear my hair  and
cry that all was over 

When  under cover of the night  I flew to Miss Mills  whom I saw by
stealth in a back kitchen where there was a mangle  and implored
Miss Mills to interpose between us and avert insanity   When Miss
Mills undertook the office and returned with Dora  exhorting us 
from the pulpit of her own bitter youth  to mutual concession  and
the avoidance of the Desert of Sahara 

When we cried  and made it up  and were so blest again  that the
back kitchen  mangle and all  changed to Love s own temple  where
we arranged a plan of correspondence through Miss Mills  always to
comprehend at least one letter on each side every day 

What an idle time   What an insubstantial  happy  foolish time   Of
all the times of mine that Time has in his grip  there is none that
in one retrospect I can smile at half so much  and think of half so
tenderly 



CHAPTER   
MY AUNT ASTONISHES ME


I wrote to Agnes as soon as Dora and I were engaged   I wrote her
a long letter  in which I tried to make her comprehend how blest I
was  and what a darling Dora was   I entreated Agnes not to regard
this as a thoughtless passion which could ever yield to any other 
or had the least resemblance to the boyish fancies that we used to
joke about   I assured her that its profundity was quite
unfathomable  and expressed my belief that nothing like it had ever
been known 

Somehow  as I wrote to Agnes on a fine evening by my open window 
and the remembrance of her clear calm eyes and gentle face came
stealing over me  it shed such a peaceful influence upon the hurry
and agitation in which I had been living lately  and of which my
very happiness partook in some degree  that it soothed me into
tears   I remember that I sat resting my head upon my hand  when
the letter was half done  cherishing a general fancy as if Agnes
were one of the elements of my natural home   As if  in the
retirement of the house made almost sacred to me by her presence 
Dora and I must be happier than anywhere   As if  in love  joy 
sorrow  hope  or disappointment  in all emotions  my heart turned
naturally there  and found its refuge and best friend 

Of Steerforth I said nothing   I only told her there had been sad
grief at Yarmouth  on account of Emily s flight  and that on me it
made a double wound  by reason of the circumstances attending it 
I knew how quick she always was to divine the truth  and that she
would never be the first to breathe his name 

To this letter  I received an answer by return of post   As I read
it  I seemed to hear Agnes speaking to me   It was like her cordial
voice in my ears   What can I say more 

While I had been away from home lately  Traddles had called twice
or thrice   Finding Peggotty within  and being informed by Peggotty
 who always volunteered that information to whomsoever would
receive it   that she was my old nurse  he had established a
good humoured acquaintance with her  and had stayed to have a
little chat with her about me   So Peggotty said  but I am afraid
the chat was all on her own side  and of immoderate length  as she
was very difficult indeed to stop  God bless her  when she had me
for her theme 

This reminds me  not only that I expected Traddles on a certain
afternoon of his own appointing  which was now come  but that Mrs 
Crupp had resigned everything appertaining to her office  the
salary excepted  until Peggotty should cease to present herself 
Mrs  Crupp  after holding divers conversations respecting Peggotty 
in a very high pitched voice  on the staircase   with some
invisible Familiar it would appear  for corporeally speaking she
was quite alone at those times   addressed a letter to me 
developing her views   Beginning it with that statement of
universal application  which fitted every occurrence of her life 
namely  that she was a mother herself  she went on to inform me
that she had once seen very different days  but that at all periods
of her existence she had had a constitutional objection to spies 
intruders  and informers   She named no names  she said  let them
the cap fitted  wear it  but spies  intruders  and informers 
especially in widders  weeds  this clause was underlined   she had
ever accustomed herself to look down upon   If a gentleman was the
victim of spies  intruders  and informers  but still naming no
names   that was his own pleasure   He had a right to please
himself  so let him do   All that she  Mrs  Crupp  stipulated for 
was  that she should not be  brought in contract  with such
persons   Therefore she begged to be excused from any further
attendance on the top set  until things were as they formerly was 
and as they could be wished to be  and further mentioned that her
little book would be found upon the breakfast table every Saturday
morning  when she requested an immediate settlement of the same 
with the benevolent view of saving trouble  and an ill conwenience 
to all parties 

After this  Mrs  Crupp confined herself to making pitfalls on the
stairs  principally with pitchers  and endeavouring to delude
Peggotty into breaking her legs   I found it rather harassing to
live in this state of siege  but was too much afraid of Mrs  Crupp
to see any way out of it 

 My dear Copperfield   cried Traddles  punctually appearing at my
door  in spite of all these obstacles   how do you do  

 My dear Traddles   said I   I am delighted to see you at last  and
very sorry I have not been at home before   But I have been so much
engaged   

 Yes  yes  I know   said Traddles   of course   Yours lives in
London  I think  

 What did you say  

 She   excuse me   Miss D   you know   said Traddles  colouring in
his great delicacy   lives in London  I believe  

 Oh yes   Near London  

 Mine  perhaps you recollect   said Traddles  with a serious look 
 lives down in Devonshire   one of ten   Consequently  I am not so
much engaged as you   in that sense  

 I wonder you can bear   I returned   to see her so seldom  

 Hah   said Traddles  thoughtfully    It does seem a wonder   I
suppose it is  Copperfield  because there is no help for it  

 I suppose so   I replied with a smile  and not without a blush 
 And because you have so much constancy and patience  Traddles  

 Dear me   said Traddles  considering about it   do I strike you in
that way  Copperfield   Really I didn t know that I had   But she
is such an extraordinarily dear girl herself  that it s possible
she may have imparted something of those virtues to me   Now you
mention it  Copperfield  I shouldn t wonder at all   I assure you
she is always forgetting herself  and taking care of the other
nine  

 Is she the eldest   I inquired 

 Oh dear  no   said Traddles    The eldest is a Beauty  

He saw  I suppose  that I could not help smiling at the simplicity
of this reply  and added  with a smile upon his own ingenuous face 

 Not  of course  but that my Sophy   pretty name  Copperfield  I
always think  

 Very pretty   said I 

 Not  of course  but that Sophy is beautiful too in my eyes  and
would be one of the dearest girls that ever was  in anybody s eyes
 I should think    But when I say the eldest is a Beauty  I mean
she really is a    he seemed to be describing clouds about himself 
with both hands   Splendid  you know   said Traddles 
energetically 
 Indeed   said I 

 Oh  I assure you   said Traddles   something very uncommon 
indeed   Then  you know  being formed for society and admiration 
and not being able to enjoy much of it in consequence of their
limited means  she naturally gets a little irritable and exacting 
sometimes   Sophy puts her in good humour  

 Is Sophy the youngest   I hazarded 

 Oh dear  no   said Traddles  stroking his chin    The two youngest
are only nine and ten   Sophy educates  em  

 The second daughter  perhaps   I hazarded 

 No   said Traddles    Sarah s the second   Sarah has something the
matter with her spine  poor girl   The malady will wear out by and
by  the doctors say  but in the meantime she has to lie down for a
twelvemonth   Sophy nurses her   Sophy s the fourth  

 Is the mother living   I inquired 

 Oh yes   said Traddles   she is alive   She is a very superior
woman indeed  but the damp country is not adapted to her
constitution  and   in fact  she has lost the use of her limbs  

 Dear me   said I 

 Very sad  is it not   returned Traddles    But in a merely
domestic view it is not so bad as it might be  because Sophy takes
her place   She is quite as much a mother to her mother  as she is
to the other nine  

I felt the greatest admiration for the virtues of this young lady 
and  honestly with the view of doing my best to prevent the
good nature of Traddles from being imposed upon  to the detriment
of their joint prospects in life  inquired how Mr  Micawber was 

 He is quite well  Copperfield  thank you   said Traddles    I am
not living with him at present  

 No  

 No   You see the truth is   said Traddles  in a whisper   he had
changed his name to Mortimer  in consequence of his temporary
embarrassments  and he don t come out till after dark   and then in
spectacles   There was an execution put into our house  for rent 
Mrs  Micawber was in such a dreadful state that I really couldn t
resist giving my name to that second bill we spoke of here   You
may imagine how delightful it was to my feelings  Copperfield  to
see the matter settled with it  and Mrs  Micawber recover her
spirits  

 Hum   said I 
 Not that her happiness was of long duration   pursued Traddles 
 for  unfortunately  within a week another execution came in   It
broke up the establishment   I have been living in a furnished
apartment since then  and the Mortimers have been very private
indeed   I hope you won t think it selfish  Copperfield  if I
mention that the broker carried off my little round table with the
marble top  and Sophy s flower pot and stand  

 What a hard thing   I exclaimed indignantly 

 It was a   it was a pull   said Traddles  with his usual wince at
that expression    I don t mention it reproachfully  however  but
with a motive   The fact is  Copperfield  I was unable to
repurchase them at the time of their seizure  in the first place 
because the broker  having an idea that I wanted them  ran the
price up to an extravagant extent  and  in the second place 
because I   hadn t any money   Now  I have kept my eye since  upon
the broker s shop   said Traddles  with a great enjoyment of his
mystery   which is up at the top of Tottenham Court Road  and  at
last  today I find them put out for sale   I have only noticed them
from over the way  because if the broker saw me  bless you  he d
ask any price for them   What has occurred to me  having now the
money  is  that perhaps you wouldn t object to ask that good nurse
of yours to come with me to the shop   I can show it her from round
the corner of the next street   and make the best bargain for them 
as if they were for herself  that she can  

The delight with which Traddles propounded this plan to me  and the
sense he had of its uncommon artfulness  are among the freshest
things in my remembrance 

I told him that my old nurse would be delighted to assist him  and
that we would all three take the field together  but on one
condition   That condition was  that he should make a solemn
resolution to grant no more loans of his name  or anything else  to
Mr  Micawber 

 My dear Copperfield   said Traddles   I have already done so 
because I begin to feel that I have not only been inconsiderate 
but that I have been positively unjust to Sophy   My word being
passed to myself  there is no longer any apprehension  but I pledge
it to you  too  with the greatest readiness   That first unlucky
obligation  I have paid   I have no doubt Mr  Micawber would have
paid it if he could  but he could not   One thing I ought to
mention  which I like very much in Mr  Micawber  Copperfield   It
refers to the second obligation  which is not yet due   He don t
tell me that it is provided for  but he says it WILL BE   Now  I
think there is something very fair and honest about that  

I was unwilling to damp my good friend s confidence  and therefore
assented   After a little further conversation  we went round to
the chandler s shop  to enlist Peggotty  Traddles declining to pass
the evening with me  both because he endured the liveliest
apprehensions that his property would be bought by somebody else
before he could re purchase it  and because it was the evening he
always devoted to writing to the dearest girl in the world 

I never shall forget him peeping round the corner of the street in
Tottenham Court Road  while Peggotty was bargaining for the
precious articles  or his agitation when she came slowly towards us
after vainly offering a price  and was hailed by the relenting
broker  and went back again   The end of the negotiation was  that
she bought the property on tolerably easy terms  and Traddles was
transported with pleasure 

 I am very much obliged to you  indeed   said Traddles  on hearing
it was to be sent to where he lived  that night    If I might ask
one other favour  I hope you would not think it absurd 
Copperfield  

I said beforehand  certainly not 

 Then if you WOULD be good enough   said Traddles to Peggotty   to
get the flower pot now  I think I should like  it being Sophy s 
Copperfield  to carry it home myself  

Peggotty was glad to get it for him  and he overwhelmed her with
thanks  and went his way up Tottenham Court Road  carrying the
flower pot affectionately in his arms  with one of the most
delighted expressions of countenance I ever saw 

We then turned back towards my chambers   As the shops had charms
for Peggotty which I never knew them possess in the same degree for
anybody else  I sauntered easily along  amused by her staring in at
the windows  and waiting for her as often as she chose   We were
thus a good while in getting to the Adelphi 

On our way upstairs  I called her attention to the sudden
disappearance of Mrs  Crupp s pitfalls  and also to the prints of
recent footsteps   We were both very much surprised  coming higher
up  to find my outer door standing open  which I had shut  and to
hear voices inside 

We looked at one another  without knowing what to make of this  and
went into the sitting room   What was my amazement to find  of all
people upon earth  my aunt there  and Mr  Dick   My aunt sitting on
a quantity of luggage  with her two birds before her  and her cat
on her knee  like a female Robinson Crusoe  drinking tea   Mr  Dick
leaning thoughtfully on a great kite  such as we had often been out
together to fly  with more luggage piled about him 

 My dear aunt   cried I    Why  what an unexpected pleasure  

We cordially embraced  and Mr  Dick and I cordially shook hands 
and Mrs  Crupp  who was busy making tea  and could not be too
attentive  cordially said she had knowed well as Mr  Copperfull
would have his heart in his mouth  when he see his dear relations 

 Holloa   said my aunt to Peggotty  who quailed before her awful
presence    How are YOU  

 You remember my aunt  Peggotty   said I 

 For the love of goodness  child   exclaimed my aunt   don t call
the woman by that South Sea Island name   If she married and got
rid of it  which was the best thing she could do  why don t you
give her the benefit of the change   What s your name now    P  
said my aunt  as a compromise for the obnoxious appellation 

 Barkis  ma am   said Peggotty  with a curtsey 

 Well   That s human   said my aunt    It sounds less as if you
wanted a missionary   How d ye do  Barkis   I hope you re well  

Encouraged by these gracious words  and by my aunt s extending her
hand  Barkis came forward  and took the hand  and curtseyed her
acknowledgements 

 We are older than we were  I see   said my aunt    We have only
met each other once before  you know   A nice business we made of
it then   Trot  my dear  another cup  

I handed it dutifully to my aunt  who was in her usual inflexible
state of figure  and ventured a remonstrance with her on the
subject of her sitting on a box 

 Let me draw the sofa here  or the easy chair  aunt   said I    Why
should you be so uncomfortable  

 Thank you  Trot   replied my aunt   I prefer to sit upon my
property    Here my aunt looked hard at Mrs  Crupp  and observed 
 We needn t trouble you to wait  ma am  

 Shall I put a little more tea in the pot afore I go  ma am   said
Mrs  Crupp 

 No  I thank you  ma am   replied my aunt 

 Would you let me fetch another pat of butter  ma am   said Mrs 
Crupp    Or would you be persuaded to try a new laid hegg   or
should I brile a rasher   Ain t there nothing I could do for your
dear aunt  Mr  Copperfull  

 Nothing  ma am   returned my aunt    I shall do very well  I thank
you  

Mrs  Crupp  who had been incessantly smiling to express sweet
temper  and incessantly holding her head on one side  to express a
general feebleness of constitution  and incessantly rubbing her
hands  to express a desire to be of service to all deserving
objects  gradually smiled herself  one sided herself  and rubbed
herself  out of the room 
 Dick   said my aunt    You know what I told you about time servers
and wealth worshippers  

Mr  Dick   with rather a scared look  as if he had forgotten it  
returned a hasty answer in the affirmative 

 Mrs  Crupp is one of them   said my aunt    Barkis  I ll trouble
you to look after the tea  and let me have another cup  for I don t
fancy that woman s pouring out  

I knew my aunt sufficiently well to know that she had something of
importance on her mind  and that there was far more matter in this
arrival than a stranger might have supposed   I noticed how her eye
lighted on me  when she thought my attention otherwise occupied 
and what a curious process of hesitation appeared to be going on
within her  while she preserved her outward stiffness and
composure   I began to reflect whether I had done anything to
offend her  and my conscience whispered me that I had not yet told
her about Dora   Could it by any means be that  I wondered 

As I knew she would only speak in her own good time  I sat down
near her  and spoke to the birds  and played with the cat  and was
as easy as I could be   But I was very far from being really easy 
and I should still have been so  even if Mr  Dick  leaning over the
great kite behind my aunt  had not taken every secret opportunity
of shaking his head darkly at me  and pointing at her 

 Trot   said my aunt at last  when she had finished her tea  and
carefully smoothed down her dress  and wiped her lips    you
needn t go  Barkis    Trot  have you got to be firm and
self reliant  

 I hope so  aunt  

 What do you think   inquired Miss Betsey 

 I think so  aunt  

 Then why  my love   said my aunt  looking earnestly at me   why do
you think I prefer to sit upon this property of mine tonight  

I shook my head  unable to guess 

 Because   said my aunt   it s all I have   Because I m ruined  my
dear  

If the house  and every one of us  had tumbled out into the river
together  I could hardly have received a greater shock 

 Dick knows it   said my aunt  laying her hand calmly on my
shoulder    I am ruined  my dear Trot   All I have in the world is
in this room  except the cottage  and that I have left Janet to
let   Barkis  I want to get a bed for this gentleman tonight   To
save expense  perhaps you can make up something here for myself 
Anything will do   It s only for tonight   We ll talk about this 
more  tomorrow  

I was roused from my amazement  and concern for her   I am sure 
for her   by her falling on my neck  for a moment  and crying that
she only grieved for me   In another moment she suppressed this
emotion  and said with an aspect more triumphant than dejected 

 We must meet reverses boldly  and not suffer them to frighten us 
my dear   We must learn to act the play out   We must live
misfortune down  Trot  



CHAPTER   
DEPRESSION


As soon as I could recover my presence of mind  which quite
deserted me in the first overpowering shock of my aunt s
intelligence  I proposed to Mr  Dick to come round to the
chandler s shop  and take possession of the bed which Mr  Peggotty
had lately vacated   The chandler s shop being in Hungerford
Market  and Hungerford Market being a very different place in those
days  there was a low wooden colonnade before the door  not very
unlike that before the house where the little man and woman used to
live  in the old weather glass   which pleased Mr  Dick mightily 
The glory of lodging over this structure would have compensated
him  I dare say  for many inconveniences  but  as there were really
few to bear  beyond the compound of flavours I have already
mentioned  and perhaps the want of a little more elbow room  he was
perfectly charmed with his accommodation   Mrs  Crupp had
indignantly assured him that there wasn t room to swing a cat
there  but  as Mr  Dick justly observed to me  sitting down on the
foot of the bed  nursing his leg   You know  Trotwood  I don t want
to swing a cat   I never do swing a cat   Therefore  what does that
signify to ME  

I tried to ascertain whether Mr  Dick had any understanding of the
causes of this sudden and great change in my aunt s affairs   As I
might have expected  he had none at all   The only account he could
give of it was  that my aunt had said to him  the day before
yesterday   Now  Dick  are you really and truly the philosopher I
take you for   That then he had said  Yes  he hoped so   That then
my aunt had said   Dick  I am ruined    That then he had said   Oh 
indeed   That then my aunt had praised him highly  which he was
glad of   And that then they had come to me  and had had bottled
porter and sandwiches on the road 

Mr  Dick was so very complacent  sitting on the foot of the bed 
nursing his leg  and telling me this  with his eyes wide open and
a surprised smile  that I am sorry to say I was provoked into
explaining to him that ruin meant distress  want  and starvation 
but I was soon bitterly reproved for this harshness  by seeing his
face turn pale  and tears course down his lengthened cheeks  while
he fixed upon me a look of such unutterable woe  that it might have
softened a far harder heart than mine   I took infinitely greater
pains to cheer him up again than I had taken to depress him  and I
soon understood  as I ought to have known at first  that he had
been so confident  merely because of his faith in the wisest and
most wonderful of women  and his unbounded reliance on my
intellectual resources   The latter  I believe  he considered a
match for any kind of disaster not absolutely mortal 

 What can we do  Trotwood   said Mr  Dick    There s the Memorial
  

 To be sure there is   said I    But all we can do just now  Mr 
Dick  is to keep a cheerful countenance  and not let my aunt see
that we are thinking about it  

He assented to this in the most earnest manner  and implored me  if
I should see him wandering an inch out of the right course  to
recall him by some of those superior methods which were always at
my command   But I regret to state that the fright I had given him
proved too much for his best attempts at concealment   All the
evening his eyes wandered to my aunt s face  with an expression of
the most dismal apprehension  as if he saw her growing thin on the
spot   He was conscious of this  and put a constraint upon his
head  but his keeping that immovable  and sitting rolling his eyes
like a piece of machinery  did not mend the matter at all   I saw
him look at the loaf at supper  which happened to be a small one  
as if nothing else stood between us and famine  and when my aunt
insisted on his making his customary repast  I detected him in the
act of pocketing fragments of his bread and cheese  I have no doubt
for the purpose of reviving us with those savings  when we should
have reached an advanced stage of attenuation 

My aunt  on the other hand  was in a composed frame of mind  which
was a lesson to all of us   to me  I am sure   She was extremely
gracious to Peggotty  except when I inadvertently called her by
that name  and  strange as I knew she felt in London  appeared
quite at home   She was to have my bed  and I was to lie in the
sitting room  to keep guard over her   She made a great point of
being so near the river  in case of a conflagration  and I suppose
really did find some satisfaction in that circumstance 

 Trot  my dear   said my aunt  when she saw me making preparations
for compounding her usual night draught   No  

 Nothing  aunt  

 Not wine  my dear   Ale  

 But there is wine here  aunt   And you always have it made of
wine  

 Keep that  in case of sickness   said my aunt    We mustn t use it
carelessly  Trot   Ale for me   Half a pint  

I thought Mr  Dick would have fallen  insensible   My aunt being
resolute  I went out and got the ale myself   As it was growing
late  Peggotty and Mr  Dick took that opportunity of repairing to
the chandler s shop together   I parted from him  poor fellow  at
the corner of the street  with his great kite at his back  a very
monument of human misery 

My aunt was walking up and down the room when I returned  crimping
the borders of her nightcap with her fingers   I warmed the ale and
made the toast on the usual infallible principles   When it was
ready for her  she was ready for it  with her nightcap on  and the
skirt of her gown turned back on her knees 

 My dear   said my aunt  after taking a spoonful of it   it s a
great deal better than wine   Not half so bilious  

I suppose I looked doubtful  for she added 

 Tut  tut  child   If nothing worse than Ale happens to us  we are
well off  

 I should think so myself  aunt  I am sure   said I 

 Well  then  why DON T you think so   said my aunt 

 Because you and I are very different people   I returned 

 Stuff and nonsense  Trot   replied my aunt 

MY aunt went on with a quiet enjoyment  in which there was very
little affectation  if any  drinking the warm ale with a tea spoon 
and soaking her strips of toast in it 

 Trot   said she   I don t care for strange faces in general  but
I rather like that Barkis of yours  do you know  

 It s better than a hundred pounds to hear you say so   said I 

 It s a most extraordinary world   observed my aunt  rubbing her
nose   how that woman ever got into it with that name  is
unaccountable to me   It would be much more easy to be born a
Jackson  or something of that sort  one would think  

 Perhaps she thinks so  too  it s not her fault   said I 

 I suppose not   returned my aunt  rather grudging the admission 
 but it s very aggravating   However  she s Barkis now   That s
some comfort   Barkis is uncommonly fond of you  Trot  

 There is nothing she would leave undone to prove it   said I 

 Nothing  I believe   returned my aunt    Here  the poor fool has
been begging and praying about handing over some of her money  
because she has got too much of it   A simpleton  

My aunt s tears of pleasure were positively trickling down into the
warm ale 

 She s the most ridiculous creature that ever was born   said my
aunt    I knew  from the first moment when I saw her with that poor
dear blessed baby of a mother of yours  that she was the most
ridiculous of mortals   But there are good points in Barkis  

Affecting to laugh  she got an opportunity of putting her hand to
her eyes   Having availed herself of it  she resumed her toast and
her discourse together 

 Ah   Mercy upon us   sighed my aunt    I know all about it  Trot 
Barkis and myself had quite a gossip while you were out with Dick 
I know all about it   I don t know where these wretched girls
expect to go to  for my part   I wonder they don t knock out their
brains against   against mantelpieces   said my aunt  an idea which
was probably suggested to her by her contemplation of mine 

 Poor Emily   said I 

 Oh  don t talk to me about poor   returned my aunt    She should
have thought of that  before she caused so much misery   Give me a
kiss  Trot   I am sorry for your early experience  

As I bent forward  she put her tumbler on my knee to detain me  and
said 

 Oh  Trot  Trot   And so you fancy yourself in love   Do you  

 Fancy  aunt   I exclaimed  as red as I could be    I adore her
with my whole soul  

 Dora  indeed   returned my aunt    And you mean to say the little
thing is very fascinating  I suppose  

 My dear aunt   I replied   no one can form the least idea what she
is  

 Ah   And not silly   said my aunt 

 Silly  aunt  

I seriously believe it had never once entered my head for a single
moment  to consider whether she was or not   I resented the idea 
of course  but I was in a manner struck by it  as a new one
altogether 

 Not light headed   said my aunt 

 Light headed  aunt   I could only repeat this daring speculation
with the same kind of feeling with which I had repeated the
preceding question 

 Well  well   said my aunt    I only ask   I don t depreciate her 
Poor little couple   And so you think you were formed for one
another  and are to go through a party supper table kind of life 
like two pretty pieces of confectionery  do you  Trot  

She asked me this so kindly  and with such a gentle air  half
playful and half sorrowful  that I was quite touched 

 We are young and inexperienced  aunt  I know   I replied   and I
dare say we say and think a good deal that is rather foolish   But
we love one another truly  I am sure   If I thought Dora could ever
love anybody else  or cease to love me  or that I could ever love
anybody else  or cease to love her  I don t know what I should do
  go out of my mind  I think  

 Ah  Trot   said my aunt  shaking her head  and smiling gravely 
 blind  blind  blind  

 Someone that I know  Trot   my aunt pursued  after a pause 
 though of a very pliant disposition  has an earnestness of
affection in him that reminds me of poor Baby   Earnestness is what
that Somebody must look for  to sustain him and improve him  Trot 
Deep  downright  faithful earnestness  

 If you only knew the earnestness of Dora  aunt   I cried 

 Oh  Trot   she said again   blind  blind   and without knowing
why  I felt a vague unhappy loss or want of something overshadow me
like a cloud 

 However   said my aunt   I don t want to put two young creatures
out of conceit with themselves  or to make them unhappy  so  though
it is a girl and boy attachment  and girl and boy attachments very
often   mind  I don t say always    come to nothing  still we ll be
serious about it  and hope for a prosperous issue one of these
days   There s time enough for it to come to anything  

This was not upon the whole very comforting to a rapturous lover 
but I was glad to have my aunt in my confidence  and I was mindful
of her being fatigued   So I thanked her ardently for this mark of
her affection  and for all her other kindnesses towards me  and
after a tender good night  she took her nightcap into my bedroom 

How miserable I was  when I lay down   How I thought and thought
about my being poor  in Mr  Spenlow s eyes  about my not being what
I thought I was  when I proposed to Dora  about the chivalrous
necessity of telling Dora what my worldly condition was  and
releasing her from her engagement if she thought fit  about how I
should contrive to live  during the long term of my articles  when
I was earning nothing  about doing something to assist my aunt  and
seeing no way of doing anything  about coming down to have no money
in my pocket  and to wear a shabby coat  and to be able to carry
Dora no little presents  and to ride no gallant greys  and to show
myself in no agreeable light   Sordid and selfish as I knew it was 
and as I tortured myself by knowing that it was  to let my mind run
on my own distress so much  I was so devoted to Dora that I could
not help it   I knew that it was base in me not to think more of my
aunt  and less of myself  but  so far  selfishness was inseparable
from Dora  and I could not put Dora on one side for any mortal
creature   How exceedingly miserable I was  that night 

As to sleep  I had dreams of poverty in all sorts of shapes  but I
seemed to dream without the previous ceremony of going to sleep 
Now I was ragged  wanting to sell Dora matches  six bundles for a
halfpenny  now I was at the office in a nightgown and boots 
remonstrated with by Mr  Spenlow on appearing before the clients in
that airy attire  now I was hungrily picking up the crumbs that
fell from old Tiffey s daily biscuit  regularly eaten when St 
Paul s struck one  now I was hopelessly endeavouring to get a
licence to marry Dora  having nothing but one of Uriah Heep s
gloves to offer in exchange  which the whole Commons rejected  and
still  more or less conscious of my own room  I was always tossing
about like a distressed ship in a sea of bed clothes 

My aunt was restless  too  for I frequently heard her walking to
and fro   Two or three times in the course of the night  attired in
a long flannel wrapper in which she looked seven feet high  she
appeared  like a disturbed ghost  in my room  and came to the side
of the sofa on which I lay   On the first occasion I started up in
alarm  to learn that she inferred from a particular light in the
sky  that Westminster Abbey was on fire  and to be consulted in
reference to the probability of its igniting Buckingham Street  in
case the wind changed   Lying still  after that  I found that she
sat down near me  whispering to herself  Poor boy   And then it
made me twenty times more wretched  to know how unselfishly mindful
she was of me  and how selfishly mindful I was of myself 

It was difficult to believe that a night so long to me  could be
short to anybody else   This consideration set me thinking and
thinking of an imaginary party where people were dancing the hours
away  until that became a dream too  and I heard the music
incessantly playing one tune  and saw Dora incessantly dancing one
dance  without taking the least notice of me   The man who had been
playing the harp all night  was trying in vain to cover it with an
ordinary sized nightcap  when I awoke  or I should rather say  when
I left off trying to go to sleep  and saw the sun shining in
through the window at last 

There was an old Roman bath in those days at the bottom of one of
the streets out of the Strand   it may be there still   in which I
have had many a cold plunge   Dressing myself as quietly as I
could  and leaving Peggotty to look after my aunt  I tumbled head
foremost into it  and then went for a walk to Hampstead   I had a
hope that this brisk treatment might freshen my wits a little  and
I think it did them good  for I soon came to the conclusion that
the first step I ought to take was  to try if my articles could be
cancelled and the premium recovered   I got some breakfast on the
Heath  and walked back to Doctors  Commons  along the watered roads
and through a pleasant smell of summer flowers  growing in gardens
and carried into town on hucksters  heads  intent on this first
effort to meet our altered circumstances 

I arrived at the office so soon  after all  that I had half an
hour s loitering about the Commons  before old Tiffey  who was
always first  appeared with his key   Then I sat down in my shady
corner  looking up at the sunlight on the opposite chimney pots 
and thinking about Dora  until Mr  Spenlow came in  crisp and
curly 

 How are you  Copperfield   said he    Fine morning  

 Beautiful morning  sir   said I    Could I say a word to you
before you go into Court  

 By all means   said he    Come into my room  

I followed him into his room  and he began putting on his gown  and
touching himself up before a little glass he had  hanging inside a
closet door 

 I am sorry to say   said I   that I have some rather disheartening
intelligence from my aunt  

 No   said he    Dear me   Not paralysis  I hope  

 It has no reference to her health  sir   I replied    She has met
with some large losses   In fact  she has very little left 
indeed  

 You as tound me  Copperfield   cried Mr  Spenlow 

I shook my head    Indeed  sir   said I   her affairs are so
changed  that I wished to ask you whether it would be possible   at
a sacrifice on our part of some portion of the premium  of course  
I put in this  on the spur of the moment  warned by the blank
expression of his face    to cancel my articles  

What it cost me to make this proposal  nobody knows   It was like
asking  as a favour  to be sentenced to transportation from Dora 

 To cancel your articles  Copperfield   Cancel  

I explained with tolerable firmness  that I really did not know
where my means of subsistence were to come from  unless I could
earn them for myself   I had no fear for the future  I said   and
I laid great emphasis on that  as if to imply that I should still
be decidedly eligible for a son in law one of these days   but  for
the present  I was thrown upon my own resources 
 I am extremely sorry to hear this  Copperfield   said Mr  Spenlow 
 Extremely sorry   It is not usual to cancel articles for any such
reason   It is not a professional course of proceeding   It is not
a convenient precedent at all   Far from it   At the same time   

 You are very good  sir   I murmured  anticipating a concession 

 Not at all   Don t mention it   said Mr  Spenlow    At the same
time  I was going to say  if it had been my lot to have my hands
unfettered   if I had not a partner   Mr  Jorkins   

My hopes were dashed in a moment  but I made another effort 

 Do you think  sir   said I   if I were to mention it to Mr 
Jorkins   

Mr  Spenlow shook his head discouragingly    Heaven forbid 
Copperfield   he replied   that I should do any man an injustice 
still less  Mr  jorkins   But I know my partner  Copperfield   Mr 
jorkins is not a man to respond to a proposition of this peculiar
nature   Mr  jorkins is very difficult to move from the beaten
track   You know what he is  

I am sure I knew nothing about him  except that he had originally
been alone in the business  and now lived by himself in a house
near Montagu Square  which was fearfully in want of painting  that
he came very late of a day  and went away very early  that he never
appeared to be consulted about anything  and that he had a dingy
little black hole of his own upstairs  where no business was ever
done  and where there was a yellow old cartridge paper pad upon his
desk  unsoiled by ink  and reported to be twenty years of age 

 Would you object to my mentioning it to him  sir   I asked 

 By no means   said Mr  Spenlow    But I have some experience of
Mr  jorkins  Copperfield   I wish it were otherwise  for I should
be happy to meet your views in any respect   I cannot have the
objection to your mentioning it to Mr  jorkins  Copperfield  if you
think it worth while  

Availing myself of this permission  which was given with a warm
shake of the hand  I sat thinking about Dora  and looking at the
sunlight stealing from the chimney pots down the wall of the
opposite house  until Mr  jorkins came   I then went up to Mr 
jorkins s room  and evidently astonished Mr  jorkins very much by
making my appearance there 

 Come in  Mr  Copperfield   said Mr  jorkins    Come in  

I went in  and sat down  and stated my case to Mr  jorkins pretty
much as I had stated it to Mr  Spenlow   Mr  Jorkins was not by any
means the awful creature one might have expected  but a large 
mild  smooth faced man of sixty  who took so much snuff that there
was a tradition in the Commons that he lived principally on that
stimulant  having little room in his system for any other article
of diet 

 You have mentioned this to Mr  Spenlow  I suppose   said Mr 
jorkins  when he had heard me  very restlessly  to an end 

I answered Yes  and told him that Mr  Spenlow had introduced his
name 

 He said I should object   asked Mr  jorkins 

I was obliged to admit that Mr  Spenlow had considered it probable 

 I am sorry to say  Mr  Copperfield  I can t advance your object  
said Mr  jorkins  nervously    The fact is   but I have an
appointment at the Bank  if you ll have the goodness to excuse me  

With that he rose in a great hurry  and was going out of the room 
when I made bold to say that I feared  then  there was no way of
arranging the matter 

 No   said Mr  jorkins  stopping at the door to shake his head 
 Oh  no   I object  you know   which he said very rapidly  and went
out    You must be aware  Mr  Copperfield   he added  looking
restlessly in at the door again   if Mr  Spenlow objects   

 Personally  he does not object  sir   said I 

 Oh   Personally   repeated Mr  Jorkins  in an impatient manner 
 I assure you there s an objection  Mr  Copperfield   Hopeless 
What you wish to be done  can t be done   I   I really have got an
appointment at the Bank    With that he fairly ran away  and to the
best of my knowledge  it was three days before he showed himself in
the Commons again 

Being very anxious to leave no stone unturned  I waited until Mr 
Spenlow came in  and then described what had passed  giving him to
understand that I was not hopeless of his being able to soften the
adamantine jorkins  if he would undertake the task 

 Copperfield   returned Mr  Spenlow  with a gracious smile   you
have not known my partner  Mr  jorkins  as long as I have   Nothing
is farther from my thoughts than to attribute any degree of
artifice to Mr  jorkins   But Mr  jorkins has a way of stating his
objections which often deceives people   No  Copperfield   shaking
his head    Mr  jorkins is not to be moved  believe me  

I was completely bewildered between Mr  Spenlow and Mr  jorkins  as
to which of them really was the objecting partner  but I saw with
sufficient clearness that there was obduracy somewhere in the firm 
and that the recovery of my aunt s thousand pounds was out of the
question   In a state of despondency  which I remember with
anything but satisfaction  for I know it still had too much
reference to myself  though always in connexion with Dora   I left
the office  and went homeward 

I was trying to familiarize my mind with the worst  and to present
to myself the arrangements we should have to make for the future in
their sternest aspect  when a hackney chariot coming after me  and
stopping at my very feet  occasioned me to look up   A fair hand
was stretched forth to me from the window  and the face I had never
seen without a feeling of serenity and happiness  from the moment
when it first turned back on the old oak staircase with the great
broad balustrade  and when I associated its softened beauty with
the stained glass window in the church  was smiling on me 

 Agnes   I joyfully exclaimed    Oh  my dear Agnes  of all people
in the world  what a pleasure to see you  

 Is it  indeed   she said  in her cordial voice 

 I want to talk to you so much   said I    It s such a lightening
of my heart  only to look at you   If I had had a conjuror s cap 
there is no one I should have wished for but you  

 What   returned Agnes 

 Well  perhaps Dora first   I admitted  with a blush 

 Certainly  Dora first  I hope   said Agnes  laughing 

 But you next   said I    Where are you going  

She was going to my rooms to see my aunt   The day being very fine 
she was glad to come out of the chariot  which smelt  I had my head
in it all this time  like a stable put under a cucumber frame   I
dismissed the coachman  and she took my arm  and we walked on
together   She was like Hope embodied  to me   How different I felt
in one short minute  having Agnes at my side 

My aunt had written her one of the odd  abrupt notes   very little
longer than a Bank note   to which her epistolary efforts were
usually limited   She had stated therein that she had fallen into
adversity  and was leaving Dover for good  but had quite made up
her mind to it  and was so well that nobody need be uncomfortable
about her   Agnes had come to London to see my aunt  between whom
and herself there had been a mutual liking these many years 
indeed  it dated from the time of my taking up my residence in Mr 
Wickfield s house   She was not alone  she said   Her papa was with
her   and Uriah Heep 

 And now they are partners   said I    Confound him  

 Yes   said Agnes    They have some business here  and I took
advantage of their coming  to come too   You must not think my
visit all friendly and disinterested  Trotwood  for   I am afraid
I may be cruelly prejudiced   I do not like to let papa go away
alone  with him  
 Does he exercise the same influence over Mr  Wickfield still 
Agnes  

Agnes shook her head    There is such a change at home   said she 
 that you would scarcely know the dear old house   They live with
us now  

 They   said I 

 Mr  Heep and his mother   He sleeps in your old room   said Agnes 
looking up into my face 

 I wish I had the ordering of his dreams   said I    He wouldn t
sleep there long  

 I keep my own little room   said Agnes   where I used to learn my
lessons   How the time goes   You remember   The little panelled
room that opens from the drawing room  

 Remember  Agnes   When I saw you  for the first time  coming out
at the door  with your quaint little basket of keys hanging at your
side  

 It is just the same   said Agnes  smiling    I am glad you think
of it so pleasantly   We were very happy  

 We were  indeed   said I 

 I keep that room to myself still  but I cannot always desert Mrs 
Heep  you know   And so   said Agnes  quietly   I feel obliged to
bear her company  when I might prefer to be alone   But I have no
other reason to complain of her   If she tires me  sometimes  by
her praises of her son  it is only natural in a mother   He is a
very good son to her  

I looked at Agnes when she said these words  without detecting in
her any consciousness of Uriah s design   Her mild but earnest eyes
met mine with their own beautiful frankness  and there was no
change in her gentle face 

 The chief evil of their presence in the house   said Agnes   is
that I cannot be as near papa as I could wish   Uriah Heep being so
much between us   and cannot watch over him  if that is not too
bold a thing to say  as closely as I would   But if any fraud or
treachery is practising against him  I hope that simple love and
truth will be strong in the end   I hope that real love and truth
are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world  

A certain bright smile  which I never saw on any other face  died
away  even while I thought how good it was  and how familiar it had
once been to me  and she asked me  with a quick change of
expression  we were drawing very near my street   if I knew how the
reverse in my aunt s circumstances had been brought about   On my
replying no  she had not told me yet  Agnes became thoughtful  and
I fancied I felt her arm tremble in mine 

We found my aunt alone  in a state of some excitement   A
difference of opinion had arisen between herself and Mrs  Crupp  on
an abstract question  the propriety of chambers being inhabited by
the gentler sex   and my aunt  utterly indifferent to spasms on the
part of Mrs  Crupp  had cut the dispute short  by informing that
lady that she smelt of my brandy  and that she would trouble her to
walk out   Both of these expressions Mrs  Crupp considered
actionable  and had expressed her intention of bringing before a
 British Judy    meaning  it was supposed  the bulwark of our
national liberties 

MY aunt  however  having had time to cool  while Peggotty was out
showing Mr  Dick the soldiers at the Horse Guards   and being 
besides  greatly pleased to see Agnes   rather plumed herself on
the affair than otherwise  and received us with unimpaired good
humour   When Agnes laid her bonnet on the table  and sat down
beside her  I could not but think  looking on her mild eyes and her
radiant forehead  how natural it seemed to have her there  how
trustfully  although she was so young and inexperienced  my aunt
confided in her  how strong she was  indeed  in simple love and
truth 

We began to talk about my aunt s losses  and I told them what I had
tried to do that morning 

 Which was injudicious  Trot   said my aunt   but well meant   You
are a generous boy   I suppose I must say  young man  now   and I
am proud of you  my dear   So far  so good   Now  Trot and Agnes 
let us look the case of Betsey Trotwood in the face  and see how it
stands  

I observed Agnes turn pale  as she looked very attentively at my
aunt   My aunt  patting her cat  looked very attentively at Agnes 

 Betsey Trotwood   said my aunt  who had always kept her money
matters to herself      I don t mean your sister  Trot  my dear 
but myself   had a certain property   It don t matter how much 
enough to live on   More  for she had saved a little  and added to
it   Betsey funded her property for some time  and then  by the
advice of her man of business  laid it out on landed security 
That did very well  and returned very good interest  till Betsey
was paid off   I am talking of Betsey as if she was a man of war 
Well   Then  Betsey had to look about her  for a new investment 
She thought she was wiser  now  than her man of business  who was
not such a good man of business by this time  as he used to be   I
am alluding to your father  Agnes   and she took it into her head
to lay it out for herself   So she took her pigs   said my aunt 
 to a foreign market  and a very bad market it turned out to be 
First  she lost in the mining way  and then she lost in the diving
way   fishing up treasure  or some such Tom Tiddler nonsense  
explained my aunt  rubbing her nose   and then she lost in the
mining way again  and  last of all  to set the thing entirely to
rights  she lost in the banking way   I don t know what the Bank
shares were worth for a little while   said my aunt   cent per cent
was the lowest of it  I believe  but the Bank was at the other end
of the world  and tumbled into space  for what I know  anyhow  it
fell to pieces  and never will and never can pay sixpence  and
Betsey s sixpences were all there  and there s an end of them 
Least said  soonest mended  

My aunt concluded this philosophical summary  by fixing her eyes
with a kind of triumph on Agnes  whose colour was gradually
returning 

 Dear Miss Trotwood  is that all the history   said Agnes 

 I hope it s enough  child   said my aunt    If there had been more
money to lose  it wouldn t have been all  I dare say   Betsey would
have contrived to throw that after the rest  and make another
chapter  I have little doubt   But there was no more money  and
there s no more story  

Agnes had listened at first with suspended breath   Her colour
still came and went  but she breathed more freely   I thought I
knew why   I thought she had had some fear that her unhappy father
might be in some way to blame for what had happened   My aunt took
her hand in hers  and laughed 

 Is that all   repeated my aunt    Why  yes  that s all  except 
 And she lived happy ever afterwards   Perhaps I may add that of
Betsey yet  one of these days   Now  Agnes  you have a wise head 
So have you  Trot  in some things  though I can t compliment you
always   and here my aunt shook her own at me  with an energy
peculiar to herself    What s to be done   Here s the cottage 
taking one time with another  will produce say seventy pounds a
year   I think we may safely put it down at that   Well    That s
all we ve got   said my aunt  with whom it was an idiosyncrasy  as
it is with some horses  to stop very short when she appeared to be
in a fair way of going on for a long while 

 Then   said my aunt  after a rest   there s Dick   He s good for
a hundred a year  but of course that must be expended on himself 
I would sooner send him away  though I know I am the only person
who appreciates him  than have him  and not spend his money on
himself   How can Trot and I do best  upon our means   What do you
say  Agnes  

 I say  aunt   I interposed   that I must do something  

 Go for a soldier  do you mean   returned my aunt  alarmed   or go
to sea   I won t hear of it   You are to be a proctor   We re not
going to have any knockings on the head in THIS family  if you
please  sir  

I was about to explain that I was not desirous of introducing that
mode of provision into the family  when Agnes inquired if my rooms
were held for any long term 

 You come to the point  my dear   said my aunt    They are not to
be got rid of  for six months at least  unless they could be
underlet  and that I don t believe   The last man died here   Five
people out of six would die   of course   of that woman in nankeen
with the flannel petticoat   I have a little ready money  and I
agree with you  the best thing we can do  is  to live the term out
here  and get a bedroom hard by  

I thought it my duty to hint at the discomfort my aunt would
sustain  from living in a continual state of guerilla warfare with
Mrs  Crupp  but she disposed of that objection summarily by
declaring that  on the first demonstration of hostilities  she was
prepared to astonish Mrs  Crupp for the whole remainder of her
natural life 

 I have been thinking  Trotwood   said Agnes  diffidently   that if
you had time   

 I have a good deal of time  Agnes   I am always disengaged after
four or five o clock  and I have time early in the morning   In one
way and another   said I  conscious of reddening a little as I
thought of the hours and hours I had devoted to fagging about town 
and to and fro upon the Norwood Road   I have abundance of time  

 I know you would not mind   said Agnes  coming to me  and speaking
in a low voice  so full of sweet and hopeful consideration that I
hear it now   the duties of a secretary  

 Mind  my dear Agnes  

 Because   continued Agnes   Doctor Strong has acted on his
intention of retiring  and has come to live in London  and he asked
papa  I know  if he could recommend him one   Don t you think he
would rather have his favourite old pupil near him  than anybody
else  

 Dear Agnes   said I    What should I do without you   You are
always my good angel   I told you so   I never think of you in any
other light  

Agnes answered with her pleasant laugh  that one good Angel
 meaning Dora  was enough  and went on to remind me that the Doctor
had been used to occupy himself in his study  early in the morning 
and in the evening   and that probably my leisure would suit his
requirements very well   I was scarcely more delighted with the
prospect of earning my own bread  than with the hope of earning it
under my old master  in short  acting on the advice of Agnes  I sat
down and wrote a letter to the Doctor  stating my object  and
appointing to call on him next day at ten in the forenoon   This I
addressed to Highgate   for in that place  so memorable to me  he
lived   and went and posted  myself  without losing a minute 

Wherever Agnes was  some agreeable token of her noiseless presence
seemed inseparable from the place   When I came back  I found my
aunt s birds hanging  just as they had hung so long in the parlour
window of the cottage  and my easy chair imitating my aunt s much
easier chair in its position at the open window  and even the round
green fan  which my aunt had brought away with her  screwed on to
the window sill   I knew who had done all this  by its seeming to
have quietly done itself  and I should have known in a moment who
had arranged my neglected books in the old order of my school days 
even if I had supposed Agnes to be miles away  instead of seeing
her busy with them  and smiling at the disorder into which they had
fallen 

My aunt was quite gracious on the subject of the Thames  it really
did look very well with the sun upon it  though not like the sea
before the cottage   but she could not relent towards the London
smoke  which  she said   peppered everything    A complete
revolution  in which Peggotty bore a prominent part  was being
effected in every corner of my rooms  in regard of this pepper  and
I was looking on  thinking how little even Peggotty seemed to do
with a good deal of bustle  and how much Agnes did without any
bustle at all  when a knock came at the door 

 I think   said Agnes  turning pale   it s papa   He promised me
that he would come  

I opened the door  and admitted  not only Mr  Wickfield  but Uriah
Heep   I had not seen Mr  Wickfield for some time   I was prepared
for a great change in him  after what I had heard from Agnes  but
his appearance shocked me 

It was not that he looked many years older  though still dressed
with the old scrupulous cleanliness  or that there was an
unwholesome ruddiness upon his face  or that his eyes were full and
bloodshot  or that there was a nervous trembling in his hand  the
cause of which I knew  and had for some years seen at work   It was
not that he had lost his good looks  or his old bearing of a
gentleman   for that he had not   but the thing that struck me
most  was  that with the evidences of his native superiority still
upon him  he should submit himself to that crawling impersonation
of meanness  Uriah Heep   The reversal of the two natures  in their
relative positions  Uriah s of power and Mr  Wickfield s of
dependence  was a sight more painful to me than I can express   If
I had seen an Ape taking command of a Man  I should hardly have
thought it a more degrading spectacle 

He appeared to be only too conscious of it himself   When he came
in  he stood still  and with his head bowed  as if he felt it 
This was only for a moment  for Agnes softly said to him   Papa 
Here is Miss Trotwood   and Trotwood  whom you have not seen for a
long while   and then he approached  and constrainedly gave my aunt
his hand  and shook hands more cordially with me   In the moment s
pause I speak of  I saw Uriah s countenance form itself into a most
ill favoured smile   Agnes saw it too  I think  for she shrank from
him 

What my aunt saw  or did not see  I defy the science of physiognomy
to have made out  without her own consent   I believe there never
was anybody with such an imperturbable countenance when she chose 
Her face might have been a dead wall on the occasion in question 
for any light it threw upon her thoughts  until she broke silence
with her usual abruptness 

 Well  Wickfield   said my aunt  and he looked up at her for the
first time    I have been telling your daughter how well I have
been disposing of my money for myself  because I couldn t trust it
to you  as you were growing rusty in business matters   We have
been taking counsel together  and getting on very well  all things
considered   Agnes is worth the whole firm  in my opinion  

 If I may umbly make the remark   said Uriah Heep  with a writhe 
 I fully agree with Miss Betsey Trotwood  and should be only too
appy if Miss Agnes was a partner  

 You re a partner yourself  you know   returned my aunt   and
that s about enough for you  I expect   How do you find yourself 
sir  

In acknowledgement of this question  addressed to him with
extraordinary curtness  Mr  Heep  uncomfortably clutching the blue
bag he carried  replied that he was pretty well  he thanked my
aunt  and hoped she was the same 

 And you  Master   I should say  Mister Copperfield   pursued
Uriah    I hope I see you well   I am rejoiced to see you  Mister
Copperfield  even under present circumstances    I believed that 
for he seemed to relish them very much    Present circumstances is
not what your friends would wish for you  Mister Copperfield  but
it isn t money makes the man  it s   I am really unequal with my
umble powers to express what it is   said Uriah  with a fawning
jerk   but it isn t money  

Here he shook hands with me  not in the common way  but standing at
a good distance from me  and lifting my hand up and down like a
pump handle  that he was a little afraid of 

 And how do you think we are looking  Master Copperfield    I
should say  Mister   fawned Uriah    Don t you find Mr  Wickfield
blooming  sir   Years don t tell much in our firm  Master
Copperfield  except in raising up the umble  namely  mother and
self   and in developing   he added  as an afterthought   the
beautiful  namely  Miss Agnes  

He jerked himself about  after this compliment  in such an
intolerable manner  that my aunt  who had sat looking straight at
him  lost all patience 

 Deuce take the man   said my aunt  sternly   what s he about 
Don t be galvanic  sir  

 I ask your pardon  Miss Trotwood   returned Uriah   I m aware
you re nervous  

 Go along with you  sir   said my aunt  anything but appeased 
 Don t presume to say so   I am nothing of the sort   If you re an
eel  sir  conduct yourself like one   If you re a man  control your
limbs  sir   Good God   said my aunt  with great indignation   I am
not going to be serpentined and corkscrewed out of my senses  

Mr  Heep was rather abashed  as most people might have been  by
this explosion  which derived great additional force from the
indignant manner in which my aunt afterwards moved in her chair 
and shook her head as if she were making snaps or bounces at him 
But he said to me aside in a meek voice 

 I am well aware  Master Copperfield  that Miss Trotwood  though an
excellent lady  has a quick temper  indeed I think I had the
pleasure of knowing her  when I was a numble clerk  before you did 
Master Copperfield   and it s only natural  I am sure  that it
should be made quicker by present circumstances   The wonder is 
that it isn t much worse   I only called to say that if there was
anything we could do  in present circumstances  mother or self  or
Wickfield and Heep   we should be really glad   I may go so far  
said Uriah  with a sickly smile at his partner 

 Uriah Heep   said Mr  Wickfield  in a monotonous forced way   is
active in the business  Trotwood   What he says  I quite concur in 
You know I had an old interest in you   Apart from that  what Uriah
says I quite concur in  

 Oh  what a reward it is   said Uriah  drawing up one leg  at the
risk of bringing down upon himself another visitation from my aunt 
 to be so trusted in   But I hope I am able to do something to
relieve him from the fatigues of business  Master Copperfield  

 Uriah Heep is a great relief to me   said Mr  Wickfield  in the
same dull voice    It s a load off my mind  Trotwood  to have such
a partner  

The red fox made him say all this  I knew  to exhibit him to me in
the light he had indicated on the night when he poisoned my rest 
I saw the same ill favoured smile upon his face again  and saw how
he watched me 

 You are not going  papa   said Agnes  anxiously    Will you not
walk back with Trotwood and me  

He would have looked to Uriah  I believe  before replying  if that
worthy had not anticipated him 

 I am bespoke myself   said Uriah   on business  otherwise I should
have been appy to have kept with my friends   But I leave my
partner to represent the firm   Miss Agnes  ever yours   I wish you
good day  Master Copperfield  and leave my umble respects for Miss
Betsey Trotwood  

With those words  he retired  kissing his great hand  and leering
at us like a mask 

We sat there  talking about our pleasant old Canterbury days  an
hour or two   Mr  Wickfield  left to Agnes  soon became more like
his former self  though there was a settled depression upon him 
which he never shook off   For all that  he brightened  and had an
evident pleasure in hearing us recall the little incidents of our
old life  many of which he remembered very well   He said it was
like those times  to be alone with Agnes and me again  and he
wished to Heaven they had never changed   I am sure there was an
influence in the placid face of Agnes  and in the very touch of her
hand upon his arm  that did wonders for him 

My aunt  who was busy nearly all this while with Peggotty  in the
inner room  would not accompany us to the place where they were
staying  but insisted on my going  and I went   We dined together 
After dinner  Agnes sat beside him  as of old  and poured out his
wine   He took what she gave him  and no more   like a child   and
we all three sat together at a window as the evening gathered in 
When it was almost dark  he lay down on a sofa  Agnes pillowing his
head and bending over him a little while  and when she came back to
the window  it was not so dark but I could see tears glittering in
her eyes 

I pray Heaven that I never may forget the dear girl in her love and
truth  at that time of my life  for if I should  I must be drawing
near the end  and then I would desire to remember her best   She
filled my heart with such good resolutions  strengthened my
weakness so  by her example  so directed   I know not how  she was
too modest and gentle to advise me in many words   the wandering
ardour and unsettled purpose within me  that all the little good I
have done  and all the harm I have forborne  I solemnly believe I
may refer to her 

And how she spoke to me of Dora  sitting at the window in the dark 
listened to my praises of her  praised again  and round the little
fairy figure shed some glimpses of her own pure light  that made it
yet more precious and more innocent to me   Oh  Agnes  sister of my
boyhood  if I had known then  what I knew long afterwards   

There was a beggar in the street  when I went down  and as I turned
my head towards the window  thinking of her calm seraphic eyes  he
made me start by muttering  as if he were an echo of the morning 
 Blind   Blind   Blind  



CHAPTER   
ENTHUSIASM

I began the next day with another dive into the Roman bath  and
then started for Highgate   I was not dispirited now   I was not
afraid of the shabby coat  and had no yearnings after gallant
greys   My whole manner of thinking of our late misfortune was
changed   What I had to do  was  to show my aunt that her past
goodness to me had not been thrown away on an insensible 
ungrateful object   What I had to do  was  to turn the painful
discipline of my younger days to account  by going to work with a
resolute and steady heart   What I had to do  was  to take my
woodman s axe in my hand  and clear my own way through the forest
of difficulty  by cutting down the trees until I came to Dora   And
I went on at a mighty rate  as if it could be done by walking 

When I found myself on the familiar Highgate road  pursuing such a
different errand from that old one of pleasure  with which it was
associated  it seemed as if a complete change had come on my whole
life   But that did not discourage me   With the new life  came new
purpose  new intention   Great was the labour  priceless the
reward   Dora was the reward  and Dora must be won 

I got into such a transport  that I felt quite sorry my coat was
not a little shabby already   I wanted to be cutting at those trees
in the forest of difficulty  under circumstances that should prove
my strength   I had a good mind to ask an old man  in wire
spectacles  who was breaking stones upon the road  to lend me his
hammer for a little while  and let me begin to beat a path to Dora
out of granite   I stimulated myself into such a heat  and got so
out of breath  that I felt as if I had been earning I don t know
how much 

In this state  I went into a cottage that I saw was to let  and
examined it narrowly    for I felt it necessary to be practical 
It would do for me and Dora admirably  with a little front garden
for Jip to run about in  and bark at the tradespeople through the
railings  and a capital room upstairs for my aunt   I came out
again  hotter and faster than ever  and dashed up to Highgate  at
such a rate that I was there an hour too early  and  though I had
not been  should have been obliged to stroll about to cool myself 
before I was at all presentable 

My first care  after putting myself under this necessary course of
preparation  was to find the Doctor s house   It was not in that
part of Highgate where Mrs  Steerforth lived  but quite on the
opposite side of the little town   When I had made this discovery 
I went back  in an attraction I could not resist  to a lane by Mrs 
Steerforth s  and looked over the corner of the garden wall   His
room was shut up close   The conservatory doors were standing open 
and Rosa Dartle was walking  bareheaded  with a quick  impetuous
step  up and down a gravel walk on one side of the lawn   She gave
me the idea of some fierce thing  that was dragging the length of
its chain to and fro upon a beaten track  and wearing its heart
out 

I came softly away from my place of observation  and avoiding that
part of the neighbourhood  and wishing I had not gone near it 
strolled about until it was ten o clock   The church with the
slender spire  that stands on the top of the hill now  was not
there then to tell me the time   An old red brick mansion  used as
a school  was in its place  and a fine old house it must have been
to go to school at  as I recollect it 

When I approached the Doctor s cottage   a pretty old place  on
which he seemed to have expended some money  if I might judge from
the embellishments and repairs that had the look of being just
completed   I saw him walking in the garden at the side  gaiters
and all  as if he had never left off walking since the days of my
pupilage   He had his old companions about him  too  for there were
plenty of high trees in the neighbourhood  and two or three rooks
were on the grass  looking after him  as if they had been written
to about him by the Canterbury rooks  and were observing him
closely in consequence 

Knowing the utter hopelessness of attracting his attention from
that distance  I made bold to open the gate  and walk after him  so
as to meet him when he should turn round   When he did  and came
towards me  he looked at me thoughtfully for a few moments 
evidently without thinking about me at all  and then his benevolent
face expressed extraordinary pleasure  and he took me by both
hands 

 Why  my dear Copperfield   said the Doctor   you are a man   How
do you do   I am delighted to see you   My dear Copperfield  how
very much you have improved   You are quite   yes   dear me  

I hoped he was well  and Mrs  Strong too 

 Oh dear  yes   said the Doctor   Annie s quite well  and she ll be
delighted to see you   You were always her favourite   She said so 
last night  when I showed her your letter   And   yes  to be sure
  you recollect Mr  Jack Maldon  Copperfield  

 Perfectly  sir  

 Of course   said the Doctor    To be sure   He s pretty well 
too  

 Has he come home  sir   I inquired 

 From India   said the Doctor    Yes   Mr  Jack Maldon couldn t
bear the climate  my dear   Mrs  Markleham   you have not forgotten
Mrs  Markleham  

Forgotten the Old Soldier   And in that short time 

 Mrs  Markleham   said the Doctor   was quite vexed about him  poor
thing  so we have got him at home again  and we have bought him a
little Patent place  which agrees with him much better  
I knew enough of Mr  Jack Maldon to suspect from this account that
it was a place where there was not much to do  and which was pretty
well paid   The Doctor  walking up and down with his hand on my
shoulder  and his kind face turned encouragingly to mine  went on 

 Now  my dear Copperfield  in reference to this proposal of yours 
It s very gratifying and agreeable to me  I am sure  but don t you
think you could do better   You achieved distinction  you know 
when you were with us   You are qualified for many good things 
You have laid a foundation that any edifice may be raised upon  and
is it not a pity that you should devote the spring time of your
life to such a poor pursuit as I can offer  

I became very glowing again  and  expressing myself in a
rhapsodical style  I am afraid  urged my request strongly 
reminding the Doctor that I had already a profession 

 Well  well   said the Doctor   that s true   Certainly  your
having a profession  and being actually engaged in studying it 
makes a difference   But  my good young friend  what s seventy
pounds a year  

 It doubles our income  Doctor Strong   said I 

 Dear me   replied the Doctor    To think of that   Not that I mean
to say it s rigidly limited to seventy pounds a year  because I
have always contemplated making any young friend I might thus
employ  a present too   Undoubtedly   said the Doctor  still
walking me up and down with his hand on my shoulder    I have
always taken an annual present into account  

 My dear tutor   said I  now  really  without any nonsense    to
whom I owe more obligations already than I ever can acknowledge   

 No  no   interposed the Doctor    Pardon me  

 If you will take such time as I have  and that is my mornings and
evenings  and can think it worth seventy pounds a year  you will do
me such a service as I cannot express  

 Dear me   said the Doctor  innocently    To think that so little
should go for so much   Dear  dear   And when you can do better 
you will   On your word  now   said the Doctor    which he had
always made a very grave appeal to the honour of us boys 

 On my word  sir   I returned  answering in our old school manner 

 Then be it so   said the Doctor  clapping me on the shoulder  and
still keeping his hand there  as we still walked up and down 

 And I shall be twenty times happier  sir   said I  with a little
  I hope innocent   flattery   if my employment is to be on the
Dictionary  

The Doctor stopped  smilingly clapped me on the shoulder again  and
exclaimed  with a triumph most delightful to behold  as if I had
penetrated to the profoundest depths of mortal sagacity   My dear
young friend  you have hit it   It IS the Dictionary  

How could it be anything else   His pockets were as full of it as
his head   It was sticking out of him in all directions   He told
me that since his retirement from scholastic life  he had been
advancing with it wonderfully  and that nothing could suit him
better than the proposed arrangements for morning and evening work 
as it was his custom to walk about in the daytime with his
considering cap on   His papers were in a little confusion  in
consequence of Mr  Jack Maldon having lately proffered his
occasional services as an amanuensis  and not being accustomed to
that occupation  but we should soon put right what was amiss  and
go on swimmingly   Afterwards  when we were fairly at our work  I
found Mr  Jack Maldon s efforts more troublesome to me than I had
expected  as he had not confined himself to making numerous
mistakes  but had sketched so many soldiers  and ladies  heads 
over the Doctor s manuscript  that I often became involved in
labyrinths of obscurity 

The Doctor was quite happy in the prospect of our going to work
together on that wonderful performance  and we settled to begin
next morning at seven o clock   We were to work two hours every
morning  and two or three hours every night  except on Saturdays 
when I was to rest   On Sundays  of course  I was to rest also  and
I considered these very easy terms 

Our plans being thus arranged to our mutual satisfaction  the
Doctor took me into the house to present me to Mrs  Strong  whom we
found in the Doctor s new study  dusting his books    a freedom
which he never permitted anybody else to take with those sacred
favourites 

They had postponed their breakfast on my account  and we sat down
to table together   We had not been seated long  when I saw an
approaching arrival in Mrs  Strong s face  before I heard any sound
of it   A gentleman on horseback came to the gate  and leading his
horse into the little court  with the bridle over his arm  as if he
were quite at home  tied him to a ring in the empty coach house
wall  and came into the breakfast parlour  whip in hand   It was
Mr  Jack Maldon  and Mr  Jack Maldon was not at all improved by
India  I thought   I was in a state of ferocious virtue  however 
as to young men who were not cutting down trees in the forest of
difficulty  and my impression must be received with due allowance 

 Mr  Jack   said the Doctor    Copperfield  

Mr  Jack Maldon shook hands with me  but not very warmly  I
believed  and with an air of languid patronage  at which I secretly
took great umbrage   But his languor altogether was quite a
wonderful sight  except when he addressed himself to his cousin
Annie 
 Have you breakfasted this morning  Mr  Jack   said the Doctor 

 I hardly ever take breakfast  sir   he replied  with his head
thrown back in an easy chair    I find it bores me  

 Is there any news today   inquired the Doctor 

 Nothing at all  sir   replied Mr  Maldon    There s an account
about the people being hungry and discontented down in the North 
but they are always being hungry and discontented somewhere  

The Doctor looked grave  and said  as though he wished to change
the subject   Then there s no news at all  and no news  they say 
is good news  

 There s a long statement in the papers  sir  about a murder  
observed Mr  Maldon    But somebody is always being murdered  and
I didn t read it  

A display of indifference to all the actions and passions of
mankind was not supposed to be such a distinguished quality at that
time  I think  as I have observed it to be considered since   I
have known it very fashionable indeed   I have seen it displayed
with such success  that I have encountered some fine ladies and
gentlemen who might as well have been born caterpillars   Perhaps
it impressed me the more then  because it was new to me  but it
certainly did not tend to exalt my opinion of  or to strengthen my
confidence in  Mr  Jack Maldon 

 I came out to inquire whether Annie would like to go to the opera
tonight   said Mr  Maldon  turning to her    It s the last good
night there will be  this season  and there s a singer there  whom
she really ought to hear   She is perfectly exquisite   Besides
which  she is so charmingly ugly   relapsing into languor 

The Doctor  ever pleased with what was likely to please his young
wife  turned to her and said 

 You must go  Annie   You must go  

 I would rather not   she said to the Doctor    I prefer to remain
at home   I would much rather remain at home  

Without looking at her cousin  she then addressed me  and asked me
about Agnes  and whether she should see her  and whether she was
not likely to come that day  and was so much disturbed  that I
wondered how even the Doctor  buttering his toast  could be blind
to what was so obvious 

But he saw nothing   He told her  good naturedly  that she was
young and ought to be amused and entertained  and must not allow
herself to be made dull by a dull old fellow   Moreover  he said 
he wanted to hear her sing all the new singer s songs to him  and
how could she do that well  unless she went   So the Doctor
persisted in making the engagement for her  and Mr  Jack Maldon was
to come back to dinner   This concluded  he went to his Patent
place  I suppose  but at all events went away on his horse  looking
very idle 

I was curious to find out next morning  whether she had been   She
had not  but had sent into London to put her cousin off  and had
gone out in the afternoon to see Agnes  and had prevailed upon the
Doctor to go with her  and they had walked home by the fields  the
Doctor told me  the evening being delightful   I wondered then 
whether she would have gone if Agnes had not been in town  and
whether Agnes had some good influence over her too 

She did not look very happy  I thought  but it was a good face  or
a very false one   I often glanced at it  for she sat in the window
all the time we were at work  and made our breakfast  which we took
by snatches as we were employed   When I left  at nine o clock  she
was kneeling on the ground at the Doctor s feet  putting on his
shoes and gaiters for him   There was a softened shade upon her
face  thrown from some green leaves overhanging the open window of
the low room  and I thought all the way to Doctors  Commons  of the
night when I had seen it looking at him as he read 

I was pretty busy now  up at five in the morning  and home at nine
or ten at night   But I had infinite satisfaction in being so
closely engaged  and never walked slowly on any account  and felt
enthusiastically that the more I tired myself  the more I was doing
to deserve Dora   I had not revealed myself in my altered character
to Dora yet  because she was coming to see Miss Mills in a few
days  and I deferred all I had to tell her until then  merely
informing her in my letters  all our communications were secretly
forwarded through Miss Mills   that I had much to tell her   In the
meantime  I put myself on a short allowance of bear s grease 
wholly abandoned scented soap and lavender water  and sold off
three waistcoats at a prodigious sacrifice  as being too luxurious
for my stern career 

Not satisfied with all these proceedings  but burning with
impatience to do something more  I went to see Traddles  now
lodging up behind the parapet of a house in Castle Street  Holborn 
Mr  Dick  who had been with me to Highgate twice already  and had
resumed his companionship with the Doctor  I took with me 

I took Mr  Dick with me  because  acutely sensitive to my aunt s
reverses  and sincerely believing that no galley slave or convict
worked as I did  he had begun to fret and worry himself out of
spirits and appetite  as having nothing useful to do   In this
condition  he felt more incapable of finishing the Memorial than
ever  and the harder he worked at it  the oftener that unlucky head
of King Charles the First got into it   Seriously apprehending that
his malady would increase  unless we put some innocent deception
upon him and caused him to believe that he was useful  or unless we
could put him in the way of being really useful  which would be
better   I made up my mind to try if Traddles could help us 
Before we went  I wrote Traddles a full statement of all that had
happened  and Traddles wrote me back a capital answer  expressive
of his sympathy and friendship 

We found him hard at work with his inkstand and papers  refreshed
by the sight of the flower pot stand and the little round table in
a corner of the small apartment   He received us cordially  and
made friends with Mr  Dick in a moment   Mr  Dick professed an
absolute certainty of having seen him before  and we both said 
 Very likely  

The first subject on which I had to consult Traddles was this    I
had heard that many men distinguished in various pursuits had begun
life by reporting the debates in Parliament   Traddles having
mentioned newspapers to me  as one of his hopes  I had put the two
things together  and told Traddles in my letter that I wished to
know how I could qualify myself for this pursuit   Traddles now
informed me  as the result of his inquiries  that the mere
mechanical acquisition necessary  except in rare cases  for
thorough excellence in it  that is to say  a perfect and entire
command of the mystery of short hand writing and reading  was about
equal in difficulty to the mastery of six languages  and that it
might perhaps be attained  by dint of perseverance  in the course
of a few years   Traddles reasonably supposed that this would
settle the business  but I  only feeling that here indeed were a
few tall trees to be hewn down  immediately resolved to work my way
on to Dora through this thicket  axe in hand 

 I am very much obliged to you  my dear Traddles   said I    I ll
begin tomorrow  

Traddles looked astonished  as he well might  but he had no notion
as yet of my rapturous condition 

 I ll buy a book   said I   with a good scheme of this art in it 
I ll work at it at the Commons  where I haven t half enough to do 
I ll take down the speeches in our court for practice   Traddles 
my dear fellow  I ll master it  

 Dear me   said Traddles  opening his eyes   I had no idea you were
such a determined character  Copperfield  

I don t know how he should have had  for it was new enough to me 
I passed that off  and brought Mr  Dick on the carpet 

 You see   said Mr  Dick  wistfully   if I could exert myself  Mr 
Traddles   if I could beat a drum  or blow anything  

Poor fellow   I have little doubt he would have preferred such an
employment in his heart to all others   Traddles  who would not
have smiled for the world  replied composedly 

 But you are a very good penman  sir   You told me so 
Copperfield  
 Excellent   said I   And indeed he was   He wrote with
extraordinary neatness 

 Don t you think   said Traddles   you could copy writings  sir  if
I got them for you  

Mr  Dick looked doubtfully at me    Eh  Trotwood  

I shook my head   Mr  Dick shook his  and sighed    Tell him about
the Memorial   said Mr  Dick 

I explained to Traddles that there was a difficulty in keeping King
Charles the First out of Mr  Dick s manuscripts  Mr  Dick in the
meanwhile looking very deferentially and seriously at Traddles  and
sucking his thumb 

 But these writings  you know  that I speak of  are already drawn
up and finished   said Traddles after a little consideration    Mr 
Dick has nothing to do with them   Wouldn t that make a difference 
Copperfield   At all events  wouldn t it be well to try  

This gave us new hope   Traddles and I laying our heads together
apart  while Mr  Dick anxiously watched us from his chair  we
concocted a scheme in virtue of which we got him to work next day 
with triumphant success 

On a table by the window in Buckingham Street  we set out the work
Traddles procured for him   which was to make  I forget how many
copies of a legal document about some right of way   and on another
table we spread the last unfinished original of the great Memorial 
Our instructions to Mr  Dick were that he should copy exactly what
he had before him  without the least departure from the original 
and that when he felt it necessary to make the slightest allusion
to King Charles the First  he should fly to the Memorial   We
exhorted him to be resolute in this  and left my aunt to observe
him   My aunt reported to us  afterwards  that  at first  he was
like a man playing the kettle drums  and constantly divided his
attentions between the two  but that  finding this confuse and
fatigue him  and having his copy there  plainly before his eyes  he
soon sat at it in an orderly business like manner  and postponed
the Memorial to a more convenient time   In a word  although we
took great care that he should have no more to do than was good for
him  and although he did not begin with the beginning of a week  he
earned by the following Saturday night ten shillings and
nine pence  and never  while I live  shall I forget his going about
to all the shops in the neighbourhood to change this treasure into
sixpences  or his bringing them to my aunt arranged in the form of
a heart upon a waiter  with tears of joy and pride in his eyes   He
was like one under the propitious influence of a charm  from the
moment of his being usefully employed  and if there were a happy
man in the world  that Saturday night  it was the grateful creature
who thought my aunt the most wonderful woman in existence  and me
the most wonderful young man 

 No starving now  Trotwood   said Mr  Dick  shaking hands with me
in a corner    I ll provide for her  Sir   and he flourished his
ten fingers in the air  as if they were ten banks 

I hardly know which was the better pleased  Traddles or I    It
really   said Traddles  suddenly  taking a letter out of his
pocket  and giving it to me   put Mr  Micawber quite out of my
head  

The letter  Mr  Micawber never missed any possible opportunity of
writing a letter  was addressed to me   By the kindness of T 
Traddles  Esquire  of the Inner Temple    It ran thus   


 MY DEAR COPPERFIELD 

 You may possibly not be unprepared to receive the intimation that
something has turned up   I may have mentioned to you on a former
occasion that I was in expectation of such an event 

 I am about to establish myself in one of the provincial towns of
our favoured island  where the society may be described as a happy
admixture of the agricultural and the clerical   in immediate
connexion with one of the learned professions   Mrs  Micawber and
our offspring will accompany me   Our ashes  at a future period 
will probably be found commingled in the cemetery attached to a
venerable pile  for which the spot to which I refer has acquired a
reputation  shall I say from China to Peru 

 In bidding adieu to the modern Babylon  where we have undergone
many vicissitudes  I trust not ignobly  Mrs  Micawber and myself
cannot disguise from our minds that we part  it may be for years
and it may be for ever  with an individual linked by strong
associations to the altar of our domestic life   If  on the eve of
such a departure  you will accompany our mutual friend  Mr  Thomas
Traddles  to our present abode  and there reciprocate the wishes
natural to the occasion  you will confer a Boon

                On
                     One
                          Who
                               Is
                                    Ever yours 
                                         WILKINS MICAWBER  


I was glad to find that Mr  Micawber had got rid of his dust and
ashes  and that something really had turned up at last   Learning
from Traddles that the invitation referred to the evening then
wearing away  I expressed my readiness to do honour to it  and we
went off together to the lodging which Mr  Micawber occupied as Mr 
Mortimer  and which was situated near the top of the Gray s Inn
Road 

The resources of this lodging were so limited  that we found the
twins  now some eight or nine years old  reposing in a turn up
bedstead in the family sitting room  where Mr  Micawber had
prepared  in a wash hand stand jug  what he called  a Brew  of the
agreeable beverage for which he was famous   I had the pleasure  on
this occasion  of renewing the acquaintance of Master Micawber 
whom I found a promising boy of about twelve or thirteen  very
subject to that restlessness of limb which is not an unfrequent
phenomenon in youths of his age   I also became once more known to
his sister  Miss Micawber  in whom  as Mr  Micawber told us   her
mother renewed her youth  like the Phoenix  

 My dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   yourself and Mr 
Traddles find us on the brink of migration  and will excuse any
little discomforts incidental to that position  

Glancing round as I made a suitable reply  I observed that the
family effects were already packed  and that the amount of luggage
was by no means overwhelming   I congratulated Mrs  Micawber on the
approaching change 

 My dear Mr  Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber   of your friendly
interest in all our affairs  I am well assured   My family may
consider it banishment  if they please  but I am a wife and mother 
and I never will desert Mr  Micawber  

Traddles  appealed to by Mrs  Micawber s eye  feelingly acquiesced 

 That   said Mrs  Micawber   that  at least  is my view  my dear
Mr  Copperfield and Mr  Traddles  of the obligation which I took
upon myself when I repeated the irrevocable words   I  Emma  take
thee  Wilkins   I read the service over with a flat candle on the
previous night  and the conclusion I derived from it was  that I
never could desert Mr  Micawber   And   said Mrs  Micawber   though
it is possible I may be mistaken in my view of the ceremony  I
never will  

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber  a little impatiently   I am not
conscious that you are expected to do anything of the sort  

 I am aware  my dear Mr  Copperfield   pursued Mrs  Micawber   that
I am now about to cast my lot among strangers  and I am also aware
that the various members of my family  to whom Mr  Micawber has
written in the most gentlemanly terms  announcing that fact  have
not taken the least notice of Mr  Micawber s communication   Indeed
I may be superstitious   said Mrs  Micawber   but it appears to me
that Mr  Micawber is destined never to receive any answers whatever
to the great majority of the communications he writes   I may
augur  from the silence of my family  that they object to the
resolution I have taken  but I should not allow myself to be
swerved from the path of duty  Mr  Copperfield  even by my papa and
mama  were they still living  

I expressed my opinion that this was going in the right direction 
 It may be a sacrifice   said Mrs  Micawber   to immure one s self
in a Cathedral town  but surely  Mr  Copperfield  if it is a
sacrifice in me  it is much more a sacrifice in a man of Mr 
Micawber s abilities  

 Oh   You are going to a Cathedral town   said I 

Mr  Micawber  who had been helping us all  out of the
wash hand stand jug  replied 

 To Canterbury   In fact  my dear Copperfield  I have entered into
arrangements  by virtue of which I stand pledged and contracted to
our friend Heep  to assist and serve him in the capacity of   and
to be   his confidential clerk  

I stared at Mr  Micawber  who greatly enjoyed my surprise 

 I am bound to state to you   he said  with an official air   that
the business habits  and the prudent suggestions  of Mrs  Micawber 
have in a great measure conduced to this result   The gauntlet  to
which Mrs  Micawber referred upon a former occasion  being thrown
down in the form of an advertisement  was taken up by my friend
Heep  and led to a mutual recognition   Of my friend Heep   said
Mr  Micawber   who is a man of remarkable shrewdness  I desire to
speak with all possible respect   My friend Heep has not fixed the
positive remuneration at too high a figure  but he has made a great
deal  in the way of extrication from the pressure of pecuniary
difficulties  contingent on the value of my services  and on the
value of those services I pin my faith   Such address and
intelligence as I chance to possess   said Mr  Micawber  boastfully
disparaging himself  with the old genteel air   will be devoted to
my friend Heep s service   I have already some acquaintance with
the law   as a defendant on civil process   and I shall immediately
apply myself to the Commentaries of one of the most eminent and
remarkable of our English jurists   I believe it is unnecessary to
add that I allude to Mr  justice Blackstone  

These observations  and indeed the greater part of the observations
made that evening  were interrupted by Mrs  Micawber s discovering
that Master Micawber was sitting on his boots  or holding his head
on with both arms as if he felt it loose  or accidentally kicking
Traddles under the table  or shuffling his feet over one another 
or producing them at distances from himself apparently outrageous
to nature  or lying sideways with his hair among the wine glasses 
or developing his restlessness of limb in some other form
incompatible with the general interests of society  and by Master
Micawber s receiving those discoveries in a resentful spirit   I
sat all the while  amazed by Mr  Micawber s disclosure  and
wondering what it meant  until Mrs  Micawber resumed the thread of
the discourse  and claimed my attention 

 What I particularly request Mr  Micawber to be careful of  is  
said Mrs  Micawber   that he does not  my dear Mr  Copperfield  in
applying himself to this subordinate branch of the law  place it
out of his power to rise  ultimately  to the top of the tree   I am
convinced that Mr  Micawber  giving his mind to a profession so
adapted to his fertile resources  and his flow of language  must
distinguish himself   Now  for example  Mr  Traddles   said Mrs 
Micawber  assuming a profound air   a judge  or even say a
Chancellor   Does an individual place himself beyond the pale of
those preferments by entering on such an office as Mr  Micawber has
accepted  

 My dear   observed Mr  Micawber   but glancing inquisitively at
Traddles  too   we have time enough before us  for the
consideration of those questions  

 Micawber   she returned   no   Your mistake in life is  that you
do not look forward far enough   You are bound  in justice to your
family  if not to yourself  to take in at a comprehensive glance
the extremest point in the horizon to which your abilities may lead
you  

Mr  Micawber coughed  and drank his punch with an air of exceeding
satisfaction   still glancing at Traddles  as if he desired to have
his opinion 

 Why  the plain state of the case  Mrs  Micawber   said Traddles 
mildly breaking the truth to her    I mean the real prosaic fact 
you know   

 Just so   said Mrs  Micawber   my dear Mr  Traddles  I wish to be
as prosaic and literal as possible on a subject of so much
importance  

   Is   said Traddles   that this branch of the law  even if Mr 
Micawber were a regular solicitor   

 Exactly so   returned Mrs  Micawber     Wilkins  you are
squinting  and will not be able to get your eyes back   

   Has nothing   pursued Traddles   to do with that   Only a
barrister is eligible for such preferments  and Mr  Micawber could
not be a barrister  without being entered at an inn of court as a
student  for five years  

 Do I follow you   said Mrs  Micawber  with her most affable air of
business    Do I understand  my dear Mr  Traddles  that  at the
expiration of that period  Mr  Micawber would be eligible as a
Judge or Chancellor  

 He would be ELIGIBLE   returned Traddles  with a strong emphasis
on that word 

 Thank you   said Mrs  Micawber    That is quite sufficient   If
such is the case  and Mr  Micawber forfeits no privilege by
entering on these duties  my anxiety is set at rest   I speak  
said Mrs  Micawber   as a female  necessarily  but I have always
been of opinion that Mr  Micawber possesses what I have heard my
papa call  when I lived at home  the judicial mind  and I hope Mr 
Micawber is now entering on a field where that mind will develop
itself  and take a commanding station  

I quite believe that Mr  Micawber saw himself  in his judicial
mind s eye  on the woolsack   He passed his hand complacently over
his bald head  and said with ostentatious resignation 

 My dear  we will not anticipate the decrees of fortune   If I am
reserved to wear a wig  I am at least prepared  externally   in
allusion to his baldness   for that distinction   I do not   said
Mr  Micawber   regret my hair  and I may have been deprived of it
for a specific purpose   I cannot say   It is my intention  my dear
Copperfield  to educate my son for the Church  I will not deny that
I should be happy  on his account  to attain to eminence  

 For the Church   said I  still pondering  between whiles  on Uriah
Heep 

 Yes   said Mr  Micawber    He has a remarkable head voice  and
will commence as a chorister   Our residence at Canterbury  and our
local connexion  will  no doubt  enable him to take advantage of
any vacancy that may arise in the Cathedral corps  

On looking at Master Micawber again  I saw that he had a certain
expression of face  as if his voice were behind his eyebrows  where
it presently appeared to be  on his singing us  as an alternative
between that and bed   The Wood Pecker tapping    After many
compliments on this performance  we fell into some general
conversation  and as I was too full of my desperate intentions to
keep my altered circumstances to myself  I made them known to Mr 
and Mrs  Micawber   I cannot express how extremely delighted they
both were  by the idea of my aunt s being in difficulties  and how
comfortable and friendly it made them 

When we were nearly come to the last round of the punch  I
addressed myself to Traddles  and reminded him that we must not
separate  without wishing our friends health  happiness  and
success in their new career   I begged Mr  Micawber to fill us
bumpers  and proposed the toast in due form  shaking hands with him
across the table  and kissing Mrs  Micawber  to commemorate that
eventful occasion   Traddles imitated me in the first particular 
but did not consider himself a sufficiently old friend to venture
on the second 

 My dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber  rising with one of his
thumbs in each of his waistcoat pockets   the companion of my
youth  if I may be allowed the expression   and my esteemed friend
Traddles  if I may be permitted to call him so   will allow me  on
the part of Mrs  Micawber  myself  and our offspring  to thank them
in the warmest and most uncompromising terms for their good wishes 
It may be expected that on the eve of a migration which will
consign us to a perfectly new existence   Mr  Micawber spoke as if
they were going five hundred thousand miles   I should offer a few
valedictory remarks to two such friends as I see before me   But
all that I have to say in this way  I have said   Whatever station
in society I may attain  through the medium of the learned
profession of which I am about to become an unworthy member  I
shall endeavour not to disgrace  and Mrs  Micawber will be safe to
adorn   Under the temporary pressure of pecuniary liabilities 
contracted with a view to their immediate liquidation  but
remaining unliquidated through a combination of circumstances  I
have been under the necessity of assuming a garb from which my
natural instincts recoil   I allude to spectacles   and possessing
myself of a cognomen  to which I can establish no legitimate
pretensions   All I have to say on that score is  that the cloud
has passed from the dreary scene  and the God of Day is once more
high upon the mountain tops   On Monday next  on the arrival of the
four o clock afternoon coach at Canterbury  my foot will be on my
native heath   my name  Micawber  

Mr  Micawber resumed his seat on the close of these remarks  and
drank two glasses of punch in grave succession   He then said with
much solemnity 

 One thing more I have to do  before this separation is complete 
and that is to perform an act of justice   My friend Mr  Thomas
Traddles has  on two several occasions   put his name   if I may
use a common expression  to bills of exchange for my accommodation 
On the first occasion Mr  Thomas Traddles was left   let me say  in
short  in the lurch   The fulfilment of the second has not yet
arrived   The amount of the first obligation   here Mr  Micawber
carefully referred to papers   was  I believe  twenty three  four 
nine and a half  of the second  according to my entry of that
transaction  eighteen  six  two   These sums  united  make a total 
if my calculation is correct  amounting to forty one  ten  eleven
and a half   My friend Copperfield will perhaps do me the favour to
check that total  

I did so and found it correct 

 To leave this metropolis   said Mr  Micawber   and my friend Mr 
Thomas Traddles  without acquitting myself of the pecuniary part of
this obligation  would weigh upon my mind to an insupportable
extent   I have  therefore  prepared for my friend Mr  Thomas
Traddles  and I now hold in my hand  a document  which accomplishes
the desired object   I beg to hand to my friend Mr  Thomas Traddles
my I O U   for forty one  ten  eleven and a half  and I am happy to
recover my moral dignity  and to know that I can once more walk
erect before my fellow man  

With this introduction  which greatly affected him   Mr  Micawber
placed his I O U   in the hands of Traddles  and said he wished him
well in every relation of life   I am persuaded  not only that this
was quite the same to Mr  Micawber as paying the money  but that
Traddles himself hardly knew the difference until he had had time
to think about it 
Mr  Micawber walked so erect before his fellow man  on the strength
of this virtuous action  that his chest looked half as broad again
when he lighted us downstairs   We parted with great heartiness on
both sides  and when I had seen Traddles to his own door  and was
going home alone  I thought  among the other odd and contradictory
things I mused upon  that  slippery as Mr  Micawber was  I was
probably indebted to some compassionate recollection he retained of
me as his boy lodger  for never having been asked by him for money 
I certainly should not have had the moral courage to refuse it  and
I have no doubt he knew that  to his credit be it written   quite
as well as I did 



CHAPTER   
A LITTLE COLD WATER


My new life had lasted for more than a week  and I was stronger
than ever in those tremendous practical resolutions that I felt the
crisis required   I continued to walk extremely fast  and to have
a general idea that I was getting on   I made it a rule to take as
much out of myself as I possibly could  in my way of doing
everything to which I applied my energies   I made a perfect victim
of myself   I even entertained some idea of putting myself on a
vegetable diet  vaguely conceiving that  in becoming a
graminivorous animal  I should sacrifice to Dora 

As yet  little Dora was quite unconscious of my desperate firmness 
otherwise than as my letters darkly shadowed it forth   But another
Saturday came  and on that Saturday evening she was to be at Miss
Mills s  and when Mr  Mills had gone to his whist club  telegraphed
to me in the street  by a bird cage in the drawing room middle
window   I was to go there to tea 

By this time  we were quite settled down in Buckingham Street 
where Mr  Dick continued his copying in a state of absolute
felicity   My aunt had obtained a signal victory over Mrs  Crupp 
by paying her off  throwing the first pitcher she planted on the
stairs out of window  and protecting in person  up and down the
staircase  a supernumerary whom she engaged from the outer world 
These vigorous measures struck such terror to the breast of Mrs 
Crupp  that she subsided into her own kitchen  under the impression
that my aunt was mad   My aunt being supremely indifferent to Mrs 
Crupp s opinion and everybody else s  and rather favouring than
discouraging the idea  Mrs  Crupp  of late the bold  became within
a few days so faint hearted  that rather than encounter my aunt
upon the staircase  she would endeavour to hide her portly form
behind doors   leaving visible  however  a wide margin of flannel
petticoat   or would shrink into dark corners   This gave my aunt
such unspeakable satisfaction  that I believe she took a delight in
prowling up and down  with her bonnet insanely perched on the top
of her head  at times when Mrs  Crupp was likely to be in the way 

My aunt  being uncommonly neat and ingenious  made so many little
improvements in our domestic arrangements  that I seemed to be
richer instead of poorer   Among the rest  she converted the pantry
into a dressing room for me  and purchased and embellished a
bedstead for my occupation  which looked as like a bookcase in the
daytime as a bedstead could   I was the object of her constant
solicitude  and my poor mother herself could not have loved me
better  or studied more how to make me happy 

Peggotty had considered herself highly privileged in being allowed
to participate in these labours  and  although she still retained
something of her old sentiment of awe in reference to my aunt  had
received so many marks of encouragement and confidence  that they
were the best friends possible   But the time had now come  I am
speaking of the Saturday when I was to take tea at Miss Mills s 
when it was necessary for her to return home  and enter on the
discharge of the duties she had undertaken in behalf of Ham    So
good bye  Barkis   said my aunt   and take care of yourself   I am
sure I never thought I could be sorry to lose you  

I took Peggotty to the coach office and saw her off   She cried at
parting  and confided her brother to my friendship as Ham had done 
We had heard nothing of him since he went away  that sunny
afternoon 

 And now  my own dear Davy   said Peggotty   if  while you re a
prentice  you should want any money to spend  or if  when you re
out of your time  my dear  you should want any to set you up  and
you must do one or other  or both  my darling   who has such a good
right to ask leave to lend it you  as my sweet girl s own old
stupid me  

I was not so savagely independent as to say anything in reply  but
that if ever I borrowed money of anyone  I would borrow it of her 
Next to accepting a large sum on the spot  I believe this gave
Peggotty more comfort than anything I could have done 

 And  my dear   whispered Peggotty   tell the pretty little angel
that I should so have liked to see her  only for a minute   And
tell her that before she marries my boy  I ll come and make your
house so beautiful for you  if you ll let me  

I declared that nobody else should touch it  and this gave Peggotty
such delight that she went away in good spirits 

I fatigued myself as much as I possibly could in the Commons all
day  by a variety of devices  and at the appointed time in the
evening repaired to Mr  Mills s street   Mr  Mills  who was a
terrible fellow to fall asleep after dinner  had not yet gone out 
and there was no bird cage in the middle window 

He kept me waiting so long  that I fervently hoped the Club would
fine him for being late   At last he came out  and then I saw my
own Dora hang up the bird cage  and peep into the balcony to look
for me  and run in again when she saw I was there  while Jip
remained behind  to bark injuriously at an immense butcher s dog in
the street  who could have taken him like a pill 

Dora came to the drawing room door to meet me  and Jip came
scrambling out  tumbling over his own growls  under the impression
that I was a Bandit  and we all three went in  as happy and loving
as could be   I soon carried desolation into the bosom of our joys
  not that I meant to do it  but that I was so full of the subject
  by asking Dora  without the smallest preparation  if she could
love a beggar 

My pretty  little  startled Dora   Her only association with the
word was a yellow face and a nightcap  or a pair of crutches  or a
wooden leg  or a dog with a decanter stand in his mouth  or
something of that kind  and she stared at me with the most
delightful wonder 

 How can you ask me anything so foolish   pouted Dora    Love a
beggar  

 Dora  my own dearest   said I    I am a beggar  

 How can you be such a silly thing   replied Dora  slapping my
hand   as to sit there  telling such stories   I ll make Jip bite
you  

Her childish way was the most delicious way in the world to me  but
it was necessary to be explicit  and I solemnly repeated 

 Dora  my own life  I am your ruined David  

 I declare I ll make Jip bite you   said Dora  shaking her curls 
 if you are so ridiculous  

But I looked so serious  that Dora left off shaking her curls  and
laid her trembling little hand upon my shoulder  and first looked
scared and anxious  then began to cry   That was dreadful   I fell
upon my knees before the sofa  caressing her  and imploring her not
to rend my heart  but  for some time  poor little Dora did nothing
but exclaim Oh dear   Oh dear   And oh  she was so frightened   And
where was Julia Mills   And oh  take her to Julia Mills  and go
away  please  until I was almost beside myself 

At last  after an agony of supplication and protestation  I got
Dora to look at me  with a horrified expression of face  which I
gradually soothed until it was only loving  and her soft  pretty
cheek was lying against mine   Then I told her  with my arms
clasped round her  how I loved her  so dearly  and so dearly  how
I felt it right to offer to release her from her engagement 
because now I was poor  how I never could bear it  or recover it 
if I lost her  how I had no fears of poverty  if she had none  my
arm being nerved and my heart inspired by her  how I was already
working with a courage such as none but lovers knew  how I had
begun to be practical  and look into the future  how a crust well
earned was sweeter far than a feast inherited  and much more to the
same purpose  which I delivered in a burst of passionate eloquence
quite surprising to myself  though I had been thinking about it 
day and night  ever since my aunt had astonished me 

 Is your heart mine still  dear Dora   said I  rapturously  for I
knew by her clinging to me that it was 

 Oh  yes   cried Dora    Oh  yes  it s all yours   Oh  don t be
dreadful  

I dreadful   To Dora 

 Don t talk about being poor  and working hard   said Dora 
nestling closer to me    Oh  don t  don t  

 My dearest love   said I   the crust well earned   

 Oh  yes  but I don t want to hear any more about crusts   said
Dora    And Jip must have a mutton chop every day at twelve  or
he ll die  

I was charmed with her childish  winning way   I fondly explained
to Dora that Jip should have his mutton chop with his accustomed
regularity   I drew a picture of our frugal home  made independent
by my labour   sketching in the little house I had seen at
Highgate  and my aunt in her room upstairs 

 I am not dreadful now  Dora   said I  tenderly 

 Oh  no  no   cried Dora    But I hope your aunt will keep in her
own room a good deal   And I hope she s not a scolding old thing  

If it were possible for me to love Dora more than ever  I am sure
I did   But I felt she was a little impracticable   It damped my
new born ardour  to find that ardour so difficult of communication
to her   I made another trial   When she was quite herself again 
and was curling Jip s ears  as he lay upon her lap  I became grave 
and said 

 My own   May I mention something  

 Oh  please don t be practical   said Dora  coaxingly    Because it
frightens me so  

 Sweetheart   I returned   there is nothing to alarm you in all
this   I want you to think of it quite differently   I want to make
it nerve you  and inspire you  Dora  

 Oh  but that s so shocking   cried Dora 

 My love  no   Perseverance and strength of character will enable
us to bear much worse things  
 But I haven t got any strength at all   said Dora  shaking her
curls    Have I  Jip   Oh  do kiss Jip  and be agreeable  

It was impossible to resist kissing Jip  when she held him up to me
for that purpose  putting her own bright  rosy little mouth into
kissing form  as she directed the operation  which she insisted
should be performed symmetrically  on the centre of his nose   I
did as she bade me   rewarding myself afterwards for my obedience
  and she charmed me out of my graver character for I don t know
how long 

 But  Dora  my beloved   said I  at last resuming it   I was going
to mention something  

The judge of the Prerogative Court might have fallen in love with
her  to see her fold her little hands and hold them up  begging and
praying me not to be dreadful any more 

 Indeed I am not going to be  my darling   I assured her    But 
Dora  my love  if you will sometimes think    not despondingly  you
know  far from that    but if you will sometimes think   just to
encourage yourself   that you are engaged to a poor man   

 Don t  don t   Pray don t   cried Dora    It s so very dreadful  

 My soul  not at all   said I  cheerfully    If you will sometimes
think of that  and look about now and then at your papa s
housekeeping  and endeavour to acquire a little habit   of
accounts  for instance   

Poor little Dora received this suggestion with something that was
half a sob and half a scream 

   It would be so useful to us afterwards   I went on    And if you
would promise me to read a little   a little Cookery Book that I
would send you  it would be so excellent for both of us   For our
path in life  my Dora   said I  warming with the subject   is stony
and rugged now  and it rests with us to smooth it   We must fight
our way onward   We must be brave   There are obstacles to be met 
and we must meet  and crush them  

I was going on at a great rate  with a clenched hand  and a most
enthusiastic countenance  but it was quite unnecessary to proceed 
I had said enough   I had done it again   Oh  she was so
frightened   Oh  where was Julia Mills   Oh  take her to Julia
Mills  and go away  please   So that  in short  I was quite
distracted  and raved about the drawing room 

I thought I had killed her  this time   I sprinkled water on her
face   I went down on my knees   I plucked at my hair   I denounced
myself as a remorseless brute and a ruthless beast   I implored her
forgiveness   I besought her to look up   I ravaged Miss Mills s
work box for a smelling bottle  and in my agony of mind applied an
ivory needle case instead  and dropped all the needles over Dora 
I shook my fists at Jip  who was as frantic as myself   I did every
wild extravagance that could be done  and was a long way beyond the
end of my wits when Miss Mills came into the room 

 Who has done this   exclaimed Miss Mills  succouring her friend 

I replied   I  Miss Mills  I have done it   Behold the destroyer  
  or words to that effect   and hid my face from the light  in the
sofa cushion 

At first Miss Mills thought it was a quarrel  and that we were
verging on the Desert of Sahara  but she soon found out how matters
stood  for my dear affectionate little Dora  embracing her  began
exclaiming that I was  a poor labourer   and then cried for me  and
embraced me  and asked me would I let her give me all her money to
keep  and then fell on Miss Mills s neck  sobbing as if her tender
heart were broken 

Miss Mills must have been born to be a blessing to us   She
ascertained from me in a few words what it was all about  comforted
Dora  and gradually convinced her that I was not a labourer   from
my manner of stating the case I believe Dora concluded that I was
a navigator  and went balancing myself up and down a plank all day
with a wheelbarrow   and so brought us together in peace   When we
were quite composed  and Dora had gone up stairs to put some
rose water to her eyes  Miss Mills rang for tea   In the ensuing
interval  I told Miss Mills that she was evermore my friend  and
that my heart must cease to vibrate ere I could forget her
sympathy 

I then expounded to Miss Mills what I had endeavoured  so very
unsuccessfully  to expound to Dora   Miss Mills replied  on general
principles  that the Cottage of content was better than the Palace
of cold splendour  and that where love was  all was 

I said to Miss Mills that this was very true  and who should know
it better than I  who loved Dora with a love that never mortal had
experienced yet   But on Miss Mills observing  with despondency 
that it were well indeed for some hearts if this were so  I
explained that I begged leave to restrict the observation to
mortals of the masculine gender 

I then put it to Miss Mills  to say whether she considered that
there was or was not any practical merit in the suggestion I had
been anxious to make  concerning the accounts  the housekeeping 
and the Cookery Book 

Miss Mills  after some consideration  thus replied 

 Mr  Copperfield  I will be plain with you   Mental suffering and
trial supply  in some natures  the place of years  and I will be as
plain with you as if I were a Lady Abbess   No   The suggestion is
not appropriate to our Dora   Our dearest Dora is a favourite child
of nature   She is a thing of light  and airiness  and joy   I am
free to confess that if it could be done  it might be well  but   
And Miss Mills shook her head 

I was encouraged by this closing admission on the part of Miss
Mills to ask her  whether  for Dora s sake  if she had any
opportunity of luring her attention to such preparations for an
earnest life  she would avail herself of it   Miss Mills replied in
the affirmative so readily  that I further asked her if she would
take charge of the Cookery Book  and  if she ever could insinuate
it upon Dora s acceptance  without frightening her  undertake to do
me that crowning service   Miss Mills accepted this trust  too  but
was not sanguine 

And Dora returned  looking such a lovely little creature  that I
really doubted whether she ought to be troubled with anything so
ordinary   And she loved me so much  and was so captivating
 particularly when she made Jip stand on his hind legs for toast 
and when she pretended to hold that nose of his against the hot
teapot for punishment because he wouldn t   that I felt like a sort
of Monster who had got into a Fairy s bower  when I thought of
having frightened her  and made her cry 

After tea we had the guitar  and Dora sang those same dear old
French songs about the impossibility of ever on any account leaving
off dancing  La ra la  La ra la  until I felt a much greater
Monster than before 

We had only one check to our pleasure  and that happened a little
while before I took my leave  when  Miss Mills chancing to make
some allusion to tomorrow morning  I unluckily let out that  being
obliged to exert myself now  I got up at five o clock   Whether
Dora had any idea that I was a Private Watchman  I am unable to
say  but it made a great impression on her  and she neither played
nor sang any more 

It was still on her mind when I bade her adieu  and she said to me 
in her pretty coaxing way   as if I were a doll  I used to think 

 Now don t get up at five o clock  you naughty boy   It s so
nonsensical  

 My love   said I   I have work to do  

 But don t do it   returned Dora    Why should you  

It was impossible to say to that sweet little surprised face 
otherwise than lightly and playfully  that we must work to live 

 Oh   How ridiculous   cried Dora 

 How shall we live without  Dora   said I 

 How   Any how   said Dora 

She seemed to think she had quite settled the question  and gave me
such a triumphant little kiss  direct from her innocent heart  that
I would hardly have put her out of conceit with her answer  for a
fortune 

Well   I loved her  and I went on loving her  most absorbingly 
entirely  and completely   But going on  too  working pretty hard 
and busily keeping red hot all the irons I now had in the fire  I
would sit sometimes of a night  opposite my aunt  thinking how I
had frightened Dora that time  and how I could best make my way
with a guitar case through the forest of difficulty  until I used
to fancy that my head was turning quite grey 



CHAPTER   
A DISSOLUTION OF PARTNERSHIP


I did not allow my resolution  with respect to the Parliamentary
Debates  to cool   It was one of the irons I began to heat
immediately  and one of the irons I kept hot  and hammered at  with
a perseverance I may honestly admire   I bought an approved scheme
of the noble art and mystery of stenography  which cost me ten and
sixpence   and plunged into a sea of perplexity that brought me  in
a few weeks  to the confines of distraction   The changes that were
rung upon dots  which in such a position meant such a thing  and in
such another position something else  entirely different  the
wonderful vagaries that were played by circles  the unaccountable
consequences that resulted from marks like flies  legs  the
tremendous effects of a curve in a wrong place  not only troubled
my waking hours  but reappeared before me in my sleep   When I had
groped my way  blindly  through these difficulties  and had
mastered the alphabet  which was an Egyptian Temple in itself 
there then appeared a procession of new horrors  called arbitrary
characters  the most despotic characters I have ever known  who
insisted  for instance  that a thing like the beginning of a
cobweb  meant expectation  and that a pen and ink sky rocket  stood
for disadvantageous   When I had fixed these wretches in my mind 
I found that they had driven everything else out of it  then 
beginning again  I forgot them  while I was picking them up  I
dropped the other fragments of the system  in short  it was almost
heart breaking 

It might have been quite heart breaking  but for Dora  who was the
stay and anchor of my tempest driven bark   Every scratch in the
scheme was a gnarled oak in the forest of difficulty  and I went on
cutting them down  one after another  with such vigour  that in
three or four months I was in a condition to make an experiment on
one of our crack speakers in the Commons   Shall I ever forget how
the crack speaker walked off from me before I began  and left my
imbecile pencil staggering about the paper as if it were in a fit 

This would not do  it was quite clear   I was flying too high  and
should never get on  so   I resorted to Traddles for advice  who
suggested that he should dictate speeches to me  at a pace  and
with occasional stoppages  adapted to my weakness   Very grateful
for this friendly aid  I accepted the proposal  and night after
night  almost every night  for a long time  we had a sort of
Private Parliament in Buckingham Street  after I came home from the
Doctor s 

I should like to see such a Parliament anywhere else   My aunt and
Mr  Dick represented the Government or the Opposition  as the case
might be   and Traddles  with the assistance of Enfield s Speakers 
or a volume of parliamentary orations  thundered astonishing
invectives against them   Standing by the table  with his finger in
the page to keep the place  and his right arm flourishing above his
head  Traddles  as Mr  Pitt  Mr  Fox  Mr  Sheridan  Mr  Burke  Lord
Castlereagh  Viscount Sidmouth  or Mr  Canning  would work himself
into the most violent heats  and deliver the most withering
denunciations of the profligacy and corruption of my aunt and Mr 
Dick  while I used to sit  at a little distance  with my notebook
on my knee  fagging after him with all my might and main   The
inconsistency and recklessness of Traddles were not to be exceeded
by any real politician   He was for any description of policy  in
the compass of a week  and nailed all sorts of colours to every
denomination of mast   My aunt  looking very like an immovable
Chancellor of the Exchequer  would occasionally throw in an
interruption or two  as  Hear   or  No   or  Oh   when the text
seemed to require it  which was always a signal to Mr  Dick  a
perfect country gentleman  to follow lustily with the same cry 
But Mr  Dick got taxed with such things in the course of his
Parliamentary career  and was made responsible for such awful
consequences  that he became uncomfortable in his mind sometimes 
I believe he actually began to be afraid he really had been doing
something  tending to the annihilation of the British constitution 
and the ruin of the country 

Often and often we pursued these debates until the clock pointed to
midnight  and the candles were burning down   The result of so much
good practice was  that by and by I began to keep pace with
Traddles pretty well  and should have been quite triumphant if I
had had the least idea what my notes were about   But  as to
reading them after I had got them  I might as well have copied the
Chinese inscriptions of an immense collection of tea chests  or the
golden characters on all the great red and green bottles in the
chemists  shops 

There was nothing for it  but to turn back and begin all over
again   It was very hard  but I turned back  though with a heavy
heart  and began laboriously and methodically to plod over the same
tedious ground at a snail s pace  stopping to examine minutely
every speck in the way  on all sides  and making the most desperate
efforts to know these elusive characters by sight wherever I met
them   I was always punctual at the office  at the Doctor s too 
and I really did work  as the common expression is  like a
cart horse 
One day  when I went to the Commons as usual  I found Mr  Spenlow
in the doorway looking extremely grave  and talking to himself   As
he was in the habit of complaining of pains in his head   he had
naturally a short throat  and I do seriously believe he
over starched himself   I was at first alarmed by the idea that he
was not quite right in that direction  but he soon relieved my
uneasiness 

Instead of returning my  Good morning  with his usual affability 
he looked at me in a distant  ceremonious manner  and coldly
requested me to accompany him to a certain coffee house  which  in
those days  had a door opening into the Commons  just within the
little archway in St  Paul s Churchyard   I complied  in a very
uncomfortable state  and with a warm shooting all over me  as if my
apprehensions were breaking out into buds   When I allowed him to
go on a little before  on account of the narrowness of the way  I
observed that he carried his head with a lofty air that was
particularly unpromising  and my mind misgave me that he had found
out about my darling Dora 

If I had not guessed this  on the way to the coffee house  I could
hardly have failed to know what was the matter when I followed him
into an upstairs room  and found Miss Murdstone there  supported by
a background of sideboard  on which were several inverted tumblers
sustaining lemons  and two of those extraordinary boxes  all
corners and flutings  for sticking knives and forks in  which 
happily for mankind  are now obsolete 

Miss Murdstone gave me her chilly finger nails  and sat severely
rigid   Mr  Spenlow shut the door  motioned me to a chair  and
stood on the hearth rug in front of the fireplace 

 Have the goodness to show Mr  Copperfield   said Mr  Spenlow  what
you have in your reticule  Miss Murdstone  

I believe it was the old identical steel clasped reticule of my
childhood  that shut up like a bite   Compressing her lips  in
sympathy with the snap  Miss Murdstone opened it   opening her
mouth a little at the same time   and produced my last letter to
Dora  teeming with expressions of devoted affection 

 I believe that is your writing  Mr  Copperfield   said Mr 
Spenlow 

I was very hot  and the voice I heard was very unlike mine  when I
said   It is  sir  

 If I am not mistaken   said Mr  Spenlow  as Miss Murdstone brought
a parcel of letters out of her reticule  tied round with the
dearest bit of blue ribbon   those are also from your pen  Mr 
Copperfield  

I took them from her with a most desolate sensation  and  glancing
at such phrases at the top  as  My ever dearest and own Dora    My
best beloved angel    My blessed one for ever   and the like 
blushed deeply  and inclined my head 

 No  thank you   said Mr  Spenlow  coldly  as I mechanically
offered them back to him    I will not deprive you of them   Miss
Murdstone  be so good as to proceed  

That gentle creature  after a moment s thoughtful survey of the
carpet  delivered herself with much dry unction as follows 

 I must confess to having entertained my suspicions of Miss
Spenlow  in reference to David Copperfield  for some time   I
observed Miss Spenlow and David Copperfield  when they first met 
and the impression made upon me then was not agreeable   The
depravity of the human heart is such   

 You will oblige me  ma am   interrupted Mr  Spenlow   by confining
yourself to facts  

Miss Murdstone cast down her eyes  shook her head as if protesting
against this unseemly interruption  and with frowning dignity
resumed 

 Since I am to confine myself to facts  I will state them as dryly
as I can   Perhaps that will be considered an acceptable course of
proceeding   I have already said  sir  that I have had my
suspicions of Miss Spenlow  in reference to David Copperfield  for
some time   I have frequently endeavoured to find decisive
corroboration of those suspicions  but without effect   I have
therefore forborne to mention them to Miss Spenlow s father  
looking severely at him   knowing how little disposition there
usually is in such cases  to acknowledge the conscientious
discharge of duty  

Mr  Spenlow seemed quite cowed by the gentlemanly sternness of Miss
Murdstone s manner  and deprecated her severity with a conciliatory
little wave of his hand 

 On my return to Norwood  after the period of absence occasioned by
my brother s marriage   pursued Miss Murdstone in a disdainful
voice   and on the return of Miss Spenlow from her visit to her
friend Miss Mills  I imagined that the manner of Miss Spenlow gave
me greater occasion for suspicion than before   Therefore I watched
Miss Spenlow closely  

Dear  tender little Dora  so unconscious of this Dragon s eye 

 Still   resumed Miss Murdstone   I found no proof until last
night   It appeared to me that Miss Spenlow received too many
letters from her friend Miss Mills  but Miss Mills being her friend
with her father s full concurrence   another telling blow at Mr 
Spenlow   it was not for me to interfere   If I may not be
permitted to allude to the natural depravity of the human heart  at
least I may   I must   be permitted  so far to refer to misplaced
confidence  

Mr  Spenlow apologetically murmured his assent 

 Last evening after tea   pursued Miss Murdstone   I observed the
little dog starting  rolling  and growling about the drawing room 
worrying something   I said to Miss Spenlow   Dora  what is that
the dog has in his mouth   It s paper   Miss Spenlow immediately
put her hand to her frock  gave a sudden cry  and ran to the dog 
I interposed  and said   Dora  my love  you must permit me    

Oh Jip  miserable Spaniel  this wretchedness  then  was your work 

 Miss Spenlow endeavoured   said Miss Murdstone   to bribe me with
kisses  work boxes  and small articles of jewellery   that  of
course  I pass over   The little dog retreated under the sofa on my
approaching him  and was with great difficulty dislodged by the
fire irons   Even when dislodged  he still kept the letter in his
mouth  and on my endeavouring to take it from him  at the imminent
risk of being bitten  he kept it between his teeth so
pertinaciously as to suffer himself to be held suspended in the air
by means of the document   At length I obtained possession of it 
After perusing it  I taxed Miss Spenlow with having many such
letters in her possession  and ultimately obtained from her the
packet which is now in David Copperfield s hand  

Here she ceased  and snapping her reticule again  and shutting her
mouth  looked as if she might be broken  but could never be bent 

 You have heard Miss Murdstone   said Mr  Spenlow  turning to me 
 I beg to ask  Mr  Copperfield  if you have anything to say in
reply  

The picture I had before me  of the beautiful little treasure of my
heart  sobbing and crying all night   of her being alone 
frightened  and wretched  then   of her having so piteously begged
and prayed that stony hearted woman to forgive her   of her having
vainly offered her those kisses  work boxes  and trinkets   of her
being in such grievous distress  and all for me   very much
impaired the little dignity I had been able to muster   I am afraid
I was in a tremulous state for a minute or so  though I did my best
to disguise it 

 There is nothing I can say  sir   I returned   except that all the
blame is mine   Dora   

 Miss Spenlow  if you please   said her father  majestically 

   was induced and persuaded by me   I went on  swallowing that
colder designation   to consent to this concealment  and I bitterly
regret it  

 You are very much to blame  sir   said Mr  Spenlow  walking to and
fro upon the hearth rug  and emphasizing what he said with his
whole body instead of his head  on account of the stiffness of his
cravat and spine    You have done a stealthy and unbecoming action 
Mr  Copperfield   When I take a gentleman to my house  no matter
whether he is nineteen  twenty nine  or ninety  I take him there in
a spirit of confidence   If he abuses my confidence  he commits a
dishonourable action  Mr  Copperfield  

 I feel it  sir  I assure you   I returned    But I never thought
so  before   Sincerely  honestly  indeed  Mr  Spenlow  I never
thought so  before   I love Miss Spenlow to that extent   

 Pooh  nonsense   said Mr  Spenlow  reddening    Pray don t tell me
to my face that you love my daughter  Mr  Copperfield  

 Could I defend my conduct if I did not  sir   I returned  with all
humility 

 Can you defend your conduct if you do  sir   said Mr  Spenlow 
stopping short upon the hearth rug    Have you considered your
years  and my daughter s years  Mr  Copperfield   Have you
considered what it is to undermine the confidence that should
subsist between my daughter and myself   Have you considered my
daughter s station in life  the projects I may contemplate for her
advancement  the testamentary intentions I may have with reference
to her   Have you considered anything  Mr  Copperfield  

 Very little  sir  I am afraid   I answered  speaking to him as
respectfully and sorrowfully as I felt   but pray believe me  I
have considered my own worldly position   When I explained it to
you  we were already engaged   

 I BEG   said Mr  Spenlow  more like Punch than I had ever seen
him  as he energetically struck one hand upon the other   I could
not help noticing that even in my despair   that YOU Will NOT talk
to me of engagements  Mr  Copperfield  

The otherwise immovable Miss Murdstone laughed contemptuously in
one short syllable 

 When I explained my altered position to you  sir   I began again 
substituting a new form of expression for what was so unpalatable
to him   this concealment  into which I am so unhappy as to have
led Miss Spenlow  had begun   Since I have been in that altered
position  I have strained every nerve  I have exerted every energy 
to improve it   I am sure I shall improve it in time   Will you
grant me time   any length of time   We are both so young  sir    

 You are right   interrupted Mr  Spenlow  nodding his head a great
many times  and frowning very much   you are both very young   It s
all nonsense   Let there be an end of the nonsense   Take away
those letters  and throw them in the fire   Give me Miss Spenlow s
letters to throw in the fire  and although our future intercourse
must  you are aware  be restricted to the Commons here  we will
agree to make no further mention of the past   Come  Mr 
Copperfield  you don t want sense  and this is the sensible
course  

No   I couldn t think of agreeing to it   I was very sorry  but
there was a higher consideration than sense   Love was above all
earthly considerations  and I loved Dora to idolatry  and Dora
loved me   I didn t exactly say so  I softened it down as much as
I could  but I implied it  and I was resolute upon it   I don t
think I made myself very ridiculous  but I know I was resolute 

 Very well  Mr  Copperfield   said Mr  Spenlow   I must try my
influence with my daughter  

Miss Murdstone  by an expressive sound  a long drawn respiration 
which was neither a sigh nor a moan  but was like both  gave it as
her opinion that he should have done this at first 

 I must try   said Mr  Spenlow  confirmed by this support   my
influence with my daughter   Do you decline to take those letters 
Mr  Copperfield   For I had laid them on the table 

Yes   I told him I hoped he would not think it wrong  but I
couldn t possibly take them from Miss Murdstone 

 Nor from me   said Mr  Spenlow 

No  I replied with the profoundest respect  nor from him 

 Very well   said Mr  Spenlow 

A silence succeeding  I was undecided whether to go or stay   At
length I was moving quietly towards the door  with the intention of
saying that perhaps I should consult his feelings best by
withdrawing  when he said  with his hands in his coat pockets  into
which it was as much as he could do to get them  and with what I
should call  upon the whole  a decidedly pious air 

 You are probably aware  Mr  Copperfield  that I am not altogether
destitute of worldly possessions  and that my daughter is my
nearest and dearest relative  

I hurriedly made him a reply to the effect  that I hoped the error
into which I had been betrayed by the desperate nature of my love 
did not induce him to think me mercenary too 

 I don t allude to the matter in that light   said Mr  Spenlow 
 It would be better for yourself  and all of us  if you WERE
mercenary  Mr  Copperfield   I mean  if you were more discreet and
less influenced by all this youthful nonsense   No   I merely say 
with quite another view  you are probably aware I have some
property to bequeath to my child  

I certainly supposed so 

 And you can hardly think   said Mr  Spenlow   having experience of
what we see  in the Commons here  every day  of the various
unaccountable and negligent proceedings of men  in respect of their
testamentary arrangements   of all subjects  the one on which
perhaps the strangest revelations of human inconsistency are to be
met with   but that mine are made  

I inclined my head in acquiescence 

 I should not allow   said Mr  Spenlow  with an evident increase of
pious sentiment  and slowly shaking his head as he poised himself
upon his toes and heels alternately   my suitable provision for my
child to be influenced by a piece of youthful folly like the
present   It is mere folly   Mere nonsense   In a little while  it
will weigh lighter than any feather   But I might   I might   if
this silly business were not completely relinquished altogether  be
induced in some anxious moment to guard her from  and surround her
with protections against  the consequences of any foolish step in
the way of marriage   Now  Mr  Copperfield  I hope that you will
not render it necessary for me to open  even for a quarter of an
hour  that closed page in the book of life  and unsettle  even for
a quarter of an hour  grave affairs long since composed  

There was a serenity  a tranquillity  a calm sunset air about him 
which quite affected me   He was so peaceful and resigned   clearly
had his affairs in such perfect train  and so systematically wound
up   that he was a man to feel touched in the contemplation of   I
really think I saw tears rise to his eyes  from the depth of his
own feeling of all this 

But what could I do   I could not deny Dora and my own heart   When
he told me I had better take a week to consider of what he had
said  how could I say I wouldn t take a week  yet how could I fail
to know that no amount of weeks could influence such love as mine 

 In the meantime  confer with Miss Trotwood  or with any person
with any knowledge of life   said Mr  Spenlow  adjusting his cravat
with both hands    Take a week  Mr  Copperfield  

I submitted  and  with a countenance as expressive as I was able to
make it of dejected and despairing constancy  came out of the room 
Miss Murdstone s heavy eyebrows followed me to the door   I say her
eyebrows rather than her eyes  because they were much more
important in her face   and she looked so exactly as she used to
look  at about that hour of the morning  in our parlour at
Blunderstone  that I could have fancied I had been breaking down in
my lessons again  and that the dead weight on my mind was that
horrible old spelling book  with oval woodcuts  shaped  to my
youthful fancy  like the glasses out of spectacles 

When I got to the office  and  shutting out old Tiffey and the rest
of them with my hands  sat at my desk  in my own particular nook 
thinking of this earthquake that had taken place so unexpectedly 
and in the bitterness of my spirit cursing Jip  I fell into such a
state of torment about Dora  that I wonder I did not take up my hat
and rush insanely to Norwood   The idea of their frightening her 
and making her cry  and of my not being there to comfort her  was
so excruciating  that it impelled me to write a wild letter to Mr 
Spenlow  beseeching him not to visit upon her the consequences of
my awful destiny   I implored him to spare her gentle nature   not
to crush a fragile flower   and addressed him generally  to the
best of my remembrance  as if  instead of being her father  he had
been an Ogre  or the Dragon of Wantley   This letter I sealed and
laid upon his desk before he returned  and when he came in  I saw
him  through the half opened door of his room  take it up and read
it 

He said nothing about it all the morning  but before he went away
in the afternoon he called me in  and told me that I need not make
myself at all uneasy about his daughter s happiness   He had
assured her  he said  that it was all nonsense  and he had nothing
more to say to her   He believed he was an indulgent father  as
indeed he was   and I might spare myself any solicitude on her
account 

 You may make it necessary  if you are foolish or obstinate  Mr 
Copperfield   he observed   for me to send my daughter abroad
again  for a term  but I have a better opinion of you   I hope you
will be wiser than that  in a few days   As to Miss Murdstone   for
I had alluded to her in the letter   I respect that lady s
vigilance  and feel obliged to her  but she has strict charge to
avoid the subject   All I desire  Mr  Copperfield  is  that it
should be forgotten   All you have got to do  Mr  Copperfield  is
to forget it  

All   In the note I wrote to Miss Mills  I bitterly quoted this
sentiment   All I had to do  I said  with gloomy sarcasm  was to
forget Dora   That was all  and what was that   I entreated Miss
Mills to see me  that evening   If it could not be done with Mr 
Mills s sanction and concurrence  I besought a clandestine
interview in the back kitchen where the Mangle was   I informed her
that my reason was tottering on its throne  and only she  Miss
Mills  could prevent its being deposed   I signed myself  hers
distractedly  and I couldn t help feeling  while I read this
composition over  before sending it by a porter  that it was
something in the style of Mr  Micawber 

However  I sent it   At night I repaired to Miss Mills s street 
and walked up and down  until I was stealthily fetched in by Miss
Mills s maid  and taken the area way to the back kitchen   I have
since seen reason to believe that there was nothing on earth to
prevent my going in at the front door  and being shown up into the
drawing room  except Miss Mills s love of the romantic and
mysterious 

In the back kitchen  I raved as became me   I went there  I
suppose  to make a fool of myself  and I am quite sure I did it 
Miss Mills had received a hasty note from Dora  telling her that
all was discovered  and saying    Oh pray come to me  Julia  do 
do   But Miss Mills  mistrusting the acceptability of her presence
to the higher powers  had not yet gone  and we were all benighted
in the Desert of Sahara 

Miss Mills had a wonderful flow of words  and liked to pour them
out   I could not help feeling  though she mingled her tears with
mine  that she had a dreadful luxury in our afflictions   She
petted them  as I may say  and made the most of them   A deep gulf 
she observed  had opened between Dora and me  and Love could only
span it with its rainbow   Love must suffer in this stern world  it
ever had been so  it ever would be so   No matter  Miss Mills
remarked   Hearts confined by cobwebs would burst at last  and then
Love was avenged 

This was small consolation  but Miss Mills wouldn t encourage
fallacious hopes   She made me much more wretched than I was
before  and I felt  and told her with the deepest gratitude  that
she was indeed a friend   We resolved that she should go to Dora
the first thing in the morning  and find some means of assuring
her  either by looks or words  of my devotion and misery   We
parted  overwhelmed with grief  and I think Miss Mills enjoyed
herself completely 

I confided all to my aunt when I got home  and in spite of all she
could say to me  went to bed despairing   I got up despairing  and
went out despairing   It was Saturday morning  and I went straight
to the Commons 

I was surprised  when I came within sight of our office door  to
see the ticket porters standing outside talking together  and some
half dozen stragglers gazing at the windows which were shut up   I
quickened my pace  and  passing among them  wondering at their
looks  went hurriedly in 

The clerks were there  but nobody was doing anything   Old Tiffey 
for the first time in his life I should think  was sitting on
somebody else s stool  and had not hung up his hat 

 This is a dreadful calamity  Mr  Copperfield   said he  as I
entered 

 What is   I exclaimed    What s the matter  

 Don t you know   cried Tiffey  and all the rest of them  coming
round me 

 No   said I  looking from face to face 

 Mr  Spenlow   said Tiffey 

 What about him  

 Dead  
I thought it was the office reeling  and not I  as one of the
clerks caught hold of me   They sat me down in a chair  untied my
neck cloth  and brought me some water   I have no idea whether this
took any time 

 Dead   said I 

 He dined in town yesterday  and drove down in the phaeton by
himself   said Tiffey   having sent his own groom home by the
coach  as he sometimes did  you know   

 Well  

 The phaeton went home without him   The horses stopped at the
stable gate   The man went out with a lantern   Nobody in the
carriage  

 Had they run away  

 They were not hot   said Tiffey  putting on his glasses   no
hotter  I understand  than they would have been  going down at the
usual pace   The reins were broken  but they had been dragging on
the ground   The house was roused up directly  and three of them
went out along the road   They found him a mile off  

 More than a mile off  Mr  Tiffey   interposed a junior 

 Was it   I believe you are right   said Tiffey     more than a
mile off   not far from the church   lying partly on the roadside 
and partly on the path  upon his face   Whether he fell out in a
fit  or got out  feeling ill before the fit came on   or even
whether he was quite dead then  though there is no doubt he was
quite insensible   no one appears to know   If he breathed 
certainly he never spoke   Medical assistance was got as soon as
possible  but it was quite useless  

I cannot describe the state of mind into which I was thrown by this
intelligence   The shock of such an event happening so suddenly 
and happening to one with whom I had been in any respect at
variance   the appalling vacancy in the room he had occupied so
lately  where his chair and table seemed to wait for him  and his
handwriting of yesterday was like a ghost   the in  definable
impossibility of separating him from the place  and feeling  when
the door opened  as if he might come in   the lazy hush and rest
there was in the office  and the insatiable relish with which our
people talked about it  and other people came in and out all day 
and gorged themselves with the subject   this is easily
intelligible to anyone   What I cannot describe is  how  in the
innermost recesses of my own heart  I had a lurking jealousy even
of Death   How I felt as if its might would push me from my ground
in Dora s thoughts   How I was  in a grudging way I have no words
for  envious of her grief   How it made me restless to think of her
weeping to others  or being consoled by others   How I had a
grasping  avaricious wish to shut out everybody from her but
myself  and to be all in all to her  at that unseasonable time of
all times 

In the trouble of this state of mind   not exclusively my own  I
hope  but known to others   I went down to Norwood that night  and
finding from one of the servants  when I made my inquiries at the
door  that Miss Mills was there  got my aunt to direct a letter to
her  which I wrote   I deplored the untimely death of Mr  Spenlow 
most sincerely  and shed tears in doing so   I entreated her to
tell Dora  if Dora were in a state to hear it  that he had spoken
to me with the utmost kindness and consideration  and had coupled
nothing but tenderness  not a single or reproachful word  with her
name   I know I did this selfishly  to have my name brought before
her  but I tried to believe it was an act of justice to his memory 
Perhaps I did believe it 

My aunt received a few lines next day in reply  addressed  outside 
to her  within  to me   Dora was overcome by grief  and when her
friend had asked her should she send her love to me  had only
cried  as she was always crying   Oh  dear papa  oh  poor papa  
But she had not said No  and that I made the most of 

Mr  jorkins  who had been at Norwood since the occurrence  came to
the office a few days afterwards   He and Tiffey were closeted
together for some few moments  and then Tiffey looked out at the
door and beckoned me in 

 Oh   said Mr  jorkins    Mr  Tiffey and myself  Mr  Copperfield 
are about to examine the desks  the drawers  and other such
repositories of the deceased  with the view of sealing up his
private papers  and searching for a Will   There is no trace of
any  elsewhere   It may be as well for you to assist us  if you
please  

I had been in agony to obtain some knowledge of the circumstances
in which my Dora would be placed   as  in whose guardianship  and
so forth   and this was something towards it   We began the search
at once  Mr  jorkins unlocking the drawers and desks  and we all
taking out the papers   The office papers we placed on one side 
and the private papers  which were not numerous  on the other   We
were very grave  and when we came to a stray seal  or pencil case 
or ring  or any little article of that kind which we associated
personally with him  we spoke very low 

We had sealed up several packets  and were still going on dustily
and quietly  when Mr  jorkins said to us  applying exactly the same
words to his late partner as his late partner had applied to him 

 Mr  Spenlow was very difficult to move from the beaten track   You
know what he was   I am disposed to think he had made no will  

 Oh  I know he had   said I 

They both stopped and looked at me 
 On the very day when I last saw him   said I   he told me that he
had  and that his affairs were long since settled  

Mr  jorkins and old Tiffey shook their heads with one accord 

 That looks unpromising   said Tiffey 

 Very unpromising   said Mr  jorkins 

 Surely you don t doubt    I began 

 My good Mr  Copperfield   said Tiffey  laying his hand upon my
arm  and shutting up both his eyes as he shook his head   if you
had been in the Commons as long as I have  you would know that
there is no subject on which men are so inconsistent  and so little
to be trusted  

 Why  bless my soul  he made that very remark   I replied
persistently 

 I should call that almost final   observed Tiffey    My opinion is
  no will  

It appeared a wonderful thing to me  but it turned out that there
was no will   He had never so much as thought of making one  so far
as his papers afforded any evidence  for there was no kind of hint 
sketch  or memorandum  of any testamentary intention whatever 
What was scarcely less astonishing to me  was  that his affairs
were in a most disordered state   It was extremely difficult  I
heard  to make out what he owed  or what he had paid  or of what he
died possessed   It was considered likely that for years he could
have had no clear opinion on these subjects himself   By little and
little it came out  that  in the competition on all points of
appearance and gentility then running high in the Commons  he had
spent more than his professional income  which was not a very large
one  and had reduced his private means  if they ever had been great
 which was exceedingly doubtful   to a very low ebb indeed   There
was a sale of the furniture and lease  at Norwood  and Tiffey told
me  little thinking how interested I was in the story  that  paying
all the just debts of the deceased  and deducting his share of
outstanding bad and doubtful debts due to the firm  he wouldn t
give a thousand pounds for all the assets remaining 

This was at the expiration of about six weeks   I had suffered
tortures all the time  and thought I really must have laid violent
hands upon myself  when Miss Mills still reported to me  that my
broken hearted little Dora would say nothing  when I was mentioned 
but  Oh  poor papa   Oh  dear papa   Also  that she had no other
relations than two aunts  maiden sisters of Mr  Spenlow  who lived
at Putney  and who had not held any other than chance communication
with their brother for many years   Not that they had ever
quarrelled  Miss Mills informed me   but that having been  on the
occasion of Dora s christening  invited to tea  when they
considered themselves privileged to be invited to dinner  they had
expressed their opinion in writing  that it was  better for the
happiness of all parties  that they should stay away   Since which
they had gone their road  and their brother had gone his 

These two ladies now emerged from their retirement  and proposed to
take Dora to live at Putney   Dora  clinging to them both  and
weeping  exclaimed   O yes  aunts   Please take Julia Mills and me
and Jip to Putney   So they went  very soon after the funeral 

How I found time to haunt Putney  I am sure I don t know  but I
contrived  by some means or other  to prowl about the neighbourhood
pretty often   Miss Mills  for the more exact discharge of the
duties of friendship  kept a journal  and she used to meet me
sometimes  on the Common  and read it  or  if she had not time to
do that  lend it to me   How I treasured up the entries  of which
I subjoin a sample   

 Monday   My sweet D  still much depressed   Headache   Called
attention to J  as being beautifully sleek   D  fondled J 
Associations thus awakened  opened floodgates of sorrow   Rush of
grief admitted    Are tears the dewdrops of the heart   J  M  

 Tuesday   D  weak and nervous   Beautiful in pallor    Do we not
remark this in moon likewise   J  M   D   J  M  and J  took airing
in carriage   J  looking out of window  and barking violently at
dustman  occasioned smile to overspread features of D    Of such
slight links is chain of life composed  J  M  

 Wednesday   D  comparatively cheerful   Sang to her  as congenial
melody   Evening Bells    Effect not soothing  but reverse   D 
inexpressibly affected   Found sobbing afterwards  in own room 
Quoted verses respecting self and young Gazelle   Ineffectually 
Also referred to Patience on Monument    Qy   Why on monument   J 
M  

 Thursday   D  certainly improved   Better night   Slight tinge of
damask revisiting cheek   Resolved to mention name of D  C 
Introduced same  cautiously  in course of airing   D  immediately
overcome    Oh  dear  dear Julia   Oh  I have been a naughty and
undutiful child   Soothed and caressed   Drew ideal picture of D 
C  on verge of tomb   D  again overcome    Oh  what shall I do 
what shall I do   Oh  take me somewhere   Much alarmed   Fainting
of D  and glass of water from public house    Poetical affinity 
Chequered sign on door post  chequered human life   Alas   J  M  

 Friday   Day of incident   Man appears in kitchen  with blue bag 
 for lady s boots left out to heel    Cook replies   No such
orders   Man argues point   Cook withdraws to inquire  leaving man
alone with J   On Cook s return  man still argues point  but
ultimately goes   J  missing   D  distracted   Information sent to
police   Man to be identified by broad nose  and legs like
balustrades of bridge   Search made in every direction   No J   D 
weeping bitterly  and inconsolable   Renewed reference to young
Gazelle   Appropriate  but unavailing   Towards evening  strange
boy calls   Brought into parlour   Broad nose  but no balustrades 
Says he wants a pound  and knows a dog   Declines to explain
further  though much pressed   Pound being produced by D  takes
Cook to little house  where J  alone tied up to leg of table   Joy
of D  who dances round J  while he eats his supper   Emboldened by
this happy change  mention D  C  upstairs   D  weeps afresh  cries
piteously   Oh  don t  don t  don t   It is so wicked to think of
anything but poor papa     embraces J   and sobs herself to sleep 
 Must not D  C  confine himself to the broad pinions of Time   J 
M   

Miss Mills and her journal were my sole consolation at this period 
To see her  who had seen Dora but a little while before   to trace
the initial letter of Dora s name through her sympathetic pages  
to be made more and more miserable by her   were my only comforts 
I felt as if I had been living in a palace of cards  which had
tumbled down  leaving only Miss Mills and me among the ruins  I
felt as if some grim enchanter had drawn a magic circle round the
innocent goddess of my heart  which nothing indeed but those same
strong pinions  capable of carrying so many people over so much 
would enable me to enter 



CHAPTER   
WICKFIELD AND HEEP


My aunt  beginning  I imagine  to be made seriously uncomfortable
by my prolonged dejection  made a pretence of being anxious that I
should go to Dover  to see that all was working well at the
cottage  which was let  and to conclude an agreement  with the same
tenant  for a longer term of occupation   Janet was drafted into
the service of Mrs  Strong  where I saw her every day   She had
been undecided  on leaving Dover  whether or no to give the
finishing touch to that renunciation of mankind in which she had
been educated  by marrying a pilot  but she decided against that
venture   Not so much for the sake of principle  I believe  as
because she happened not to like him 

Although it required an effort to leave Miss Mills  I fell rather
willingly into my aunt s pretence  as a means of enabling me to
pass a few tranquil hours with Agnes   I consulted the good Doctor
relative to an absence of three days  and the Doctor wishing me to
take that relaxation    he wished me to take more  but my energy
could not bear that    I made up my mind to go 

As to the Commons  I had no great occasion to be particular about
my duties in that quarter   To say the truth  we were getting in no
very good odour among the tip top proctors  and were rapidly
sliding down to but a doubtful position   The business had been
indifferent under Mr  jorkins  before Mr  Spenlow s time  and
although it had been quickened by the infusion of new blood  and by
the display which Mr  Spenlow made  still it was not established on
a sufficiently strong basis to bear  without being shaken  such a
blow as the sudden loss of its active manager   It fell off very
much   Mr  jorkins  notwithstanding his reputation in the firm  was
an easy going  incapable sort of man  whose reputation out of doors
was not calculated to back it up   I was turned over to him now 
and when I saw him take his snuff and let the business go  I
regretted my aunt s thousand pounds more than ever 

But this was not the worst of it   There were a number of
hangers on and outsiders about the Commons  who  without being
proctors themselves  dabbled in common form business  and got it
done by real proctors  who lent their names in consideration of a
share in the spoil    and there were a good many of these too   As
our house now wanted business on any terms  we joined this noble
band  and threw out lures to the hangers on and outsiders  to bring
their business to us   Marriage licences and small probates were
what we all looked for  and what paid us best  and the competition
for these ran very high indeed   Kidnappers and inveiglers were
planted in all the avenues of entrance to the Commons  with
instructions to do their utmost to cut off all persons in mourning 
and all gentlemen with anything bashful in their appearance  and
entice them to the offices in which their respective employers were
interested  which instructions were so well observed  that I
myself  before I was known by sight  was twice hustled into the
premises of our principal opponent   The conflicting interests of
these touting gentlemen being of a nature to irritate their
feelings  personal collisions took place  and the Commons was even
scandalized by our principal inveigler  who had formerly been in
the wine trade  and afterwards in the sworn brokery line  walking
about for some days with a black eye   Any one of these scouts used
to think nothing of politely assisting an old lady in black out of
a vehicle  killing any proctor whom she inquired for  representing
his employer as the lawful successor and representative of that
proctor  and bearing the old lady off  sometimes greatly affected 
to his employer s office   Many captives were brought to me in this
way   As to marriage licences  the competition rose to such a
pitch  that a shy gentleman in want of one  had nothing to do but
submit himself to the first inveigler  or be fought for  and become
the prey of the strongest   One of our clerks  who was an outsider 
used  in the height of this contest  to sit with his hat on  that
he might be ready to rush out and swear before a surrogate any
victim who was brought in   The system of inveigling continues  I
believe  to this day   The last time I was in the Commons  a civil
able bodied person in a white apron pounced out upon me from a
doorway  and whispering the word  Marriage licence  in my ear  was
with great difficulty prevented from taking me up in his arms and
lifting me into a proctor s   From this digression  let me proceed
to Dover 

I found everything in a satisfactory state at the cottage  and was
enabled to gratify my aunt exceedingly by reporting that the tenant
inherited her feud  and waged incessant war against donkeys 
Having settled the little business I had to transact there  and
slept there one night  I walked on to Canterbury early in the
morning   It was now winter again  and the fresh  cold windy day 
and the sweeping downland  brightened up my hopes a little 

Coming into Canterbury  I loitered through the old streets with a
sober pleasure that calmed my spirits  and eased my heart   There
were the old signs  the old names over the shops  the old people
serving in them   It appeared so long  since I had been a schoolboy
there  that I wondered the place was so little changed  until I
reflected how little I was changed myself   Strange to say  that
quiet influence which was inseparable in my mind from Agnes  seemed
to pervade even the city where she dwelt   The venerable cathedral
towers  and the old jackdaws and rooks whose airy voices made them
more retired than perfect silence would have done  the battered
gateways  one stuck full with statues  long thrown down  and
crumbled away  like the reverential pilgrims who had gazed upon
them  the still nooks  where the ivied growth of centuries crept
over gabled ends and ruined walls  the ancient houses  the pastoral
landscape of field  orchard  and garden  everywhere   on everything
  I felt the same serener air  the same calm  thoughtful  softening
spirit 

Arrived at Mr  Wickfield s house  I found  in the little lower room
on the ground floor  where Uriah Heep had been of old accustomed to
sit  Mr  Micawber plying his pen with great assiduity   He was
dressed in a legal looking suit of black  and loomed  burly and
large  in that small office 

Mr  Micawber was extremely glad to see me  but a little confused
too   He would have conducted me immediately into the presence of
Uriah  but I declined 

 I know the house of old  you recollect   said I   and will find my
way upstairs   How do you like the law  Mr  Micawber  

 My dear Copperfield   he replied    To a man possessed of the
higher imaginative powers  the objection to legal studies is the
amount of detail which they involve   Even in our professional
correspondence   said Mr  Micawber  glancing at some letters he was
writing   the mind is not at liberty to soar to any exalted form of
expression   Still  it is a great pursuit   A great pursuit  

He then told me that he had become the tenant of Uriah Heep s old
house  and that Mrs  Micawber would be delighted to receive me 
once more  under her own roof 

 It is humble   said Mr  Micawber     to quote a favourite
expression of my friend Heep  but it may prove the stepping stone
to more ambitious domiciliary accommodation  

I asked him whether he had reason  so far  to be satisfied with his
friend Heep s treatment of him   He got up to ascertain if the door
were close shut  before he replied  in a lower voice 

 My dear Copperfield  a man who labours under the pressure of
pecuniary embarrassments  is  with the generality of people  at a
disadvantage   That disadvantage is not diminished  when that
pressure necessitates the drawing of stipendiary emoluments  before
those emoluments are strictly due and payable   All I can say is 
that my friend Heep has responded to appeals to which I need not
more particularly refer  in a manner calculated to redound equally
to the honour of his head  and of his heart  

 I should not have supposed him to be very free with his money
either   I observed 

 Pardon me   said Mr  Micawber  with an air of constraint   I speak
of my friend Heep as I have experience  

 I am glad your experience is so favourable   I returned 

 You are very obliging  my dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber 
and hummed a tune 

 Do you see much of Mr  Wickfield   I asked  to change the subject 

 Not much   said Mr  Micawber  slightingly    Mr  Wickfield is  I
dare say  a man of very excellent intentions  but he is   in short 
he is obsolete  

 I am afraid his partner seeks to make him so   said I 

 My dear Copperfield   returned Mr  Micawber  after some uneasy
evolutions on his stool   allow me to offer a remark   I am here 
in a capacity of confidence   I am here  in a position of trust 
The discussion of some topics  even with Mrs  Micawber herself  so
long the partner of my various vicissitudes  and a woman of a
remarkable lucidity of intellect   is  I am led to consider 
incompatible with the functions now devolving on me   I would
therefore take the liberty of suggesting that in our friendly
intercourse   which I trust will never be disturbed    we draw a
line   On one side of this line   said Mr  Micawber  representing
it on the desk with the office ruler   is the whole range of the
human intellect  with a trifling exception  on the other  IS that
exception  that is to say  the affairs of Messrs Wickfield and
Heep  with all belonging and appertaining thereunto   I trust I
give no offence to the companion of my youth  in submitting this
proposition to his cooler judgement  

Though I saw an uneasy change in Mr  Micawber  which sat tightly on
him  as if his new duties were a misfit  I felt I had no right to
be offended   My telling him so  appeared to relieve him  and he
shook hands with me 

 I am charmed  Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber   let me assure you 
with Miss Wickfield   She is a very superior young lady  of very
remarkable attractions  graces  and virtues   Upon my honour   said
Mr  Micawber  indefinitely kissing his hand and bowing with his
genteelest air   I do Homage to Miss Wickfield   Hem  
 I am glad of that  at least   said I 

 If you had not assured us  my dear Copperfield  on the occasion of
that agreeable afternoon we had the happiness of passing with you 
that D  was your favourite letter   said Mr  Micawber   I should
unquestionably have supposed that A  had been so  

We have all some experience of a feeling  that comes over us
occasionally  of what we are saying and doing having been said and
done before  in a remote time   of our having been surrounded  dim
ages ago  by the same faces  objects  and circumstances   of our
knowing perfectly what will be said next  as if we suddenly
remembered it   I never had this mysterious impression more
strongly in my life  than before he uttered those words 

I took my leave of Mr  Micawber  for the time  charging him with my
best remembrances to all at home   As I left him  resuming his
stool and his pen  and rolling his head in his stock  to get it
into easier writing order  I clearly perceived that there was
something interposed between him and me  since he had come into his
new functions  which prevented our getting at each other as we used
to do  and quite altered the character of our intercourse 

There was no one in the quaint old drawing room  though it
presented tokens of Mrs  Heep s whereabouts   I looked into the
room still belonging to Agnes  and saw her sitting by the fire  at
a pretty old fashioned desk she had  writing 

My darkening the light made her look up   What a pleasure to be the
cause of that bright change in her attentive face  and the object
of that sweet regard and welcome 

 Ah  Agnes   said I  when we were sitting together  side by side 
 I have missed you so much  lately  

 Indeed   she replied    Again   And so soon  

I shook my head 

 I don t know how it is  Agnes  I seem to want some faculty of mind
that I ought to have   You were so much in the habit of thinking
for me  in the happy old days here  and I came so naturally to you
for counsel and support  that I really think I have missed
acquiring it  

 And what is it   said Agnes  cheerfully 

 I don t know what to call it   I replied    I think I am earnest
and persevering  

 I am sure of it   said Agnes 

 And patient  Agnes   I inquired  with a little hesitation 

 Yes   returned Agnes  laughing    Pretty well  

 And yet   said I   I get so miserable and worried  and am so
unsteady and irresolute in my power of assuring myself  that I know
I must want   shall I call it   reliance  of some kind  

 Call it so  if you will   said Agnes 

 Well   I returned    See here   You come to London  I rely on you 
and I have an object and a course at once   I am driven out of it 
I come here  and in a moment I feel an altered person   The
circumstances that distressed me are not changed  since I came into
this room  but an influence comes over me in that short interval
that alters me  oh  how much for the better   What is it   What is
your secret  Agnes  

Her head was bent down  looking at the fire 

 It s the old story   said I    Don t laugh  when I say it was
always the same in little things as it is in greater ones   My old
troubles were nonsense  and now they are serious  but whenever I
have gone away from my adopted sister   

Agnes looked up   with such a Heavenly face    and gave me her
hand  which I kissed 

 Whenever I have not had you  Agnes  to advise and approve in the
beginning  I have seemed to go wild  and to get into all sorts of
difficulty   When I have come to you  at last  as I have always
done   I have come to peace and happiness   I come home  now  like
a tired traveller  and find such a blessed sense of rest  

I felt so deeply what I said  it affected me so sincerely  that my
voice failed  and I covered my face with my hand  and broke into
tears   I write the truth   Whatever contradictions and
inconsistencies there were within me  as there are within so many
of us  whatever might have been so different  and so much better 
whatever I had done  in which I had perversely wandered away from
the voice of my own heart  I knew nothing of   I only knew that I
was fervently in earnest  when I felt the rest and peace of having
Agnes near me 

In her placid sisterly manner  with her beaming eyes  with her
tender voice  and with that sweet composure  which had long ago
made the house that held her quite a sacred place to me  she soon
won me from this weakness  and led me on to tell all that had
happened since our last meeting 

 And there is not another word to tell  Agnes   said I  when I had
made an end of my confidence    Now  my reliance is on you  

 But it must not be on me  Trotwood   returned Agnes  with a
pleasant smile    It must be on someone else  

 On Dora   said I 

 Assuredly  

 Why  I have not mentioned  Agnes   said I  a little embarrassed 
 that Dora is rather difficult to   I would not  for the world 
say  to rely upon  because she is the soul of purity and truth  
but rather difficult to   I hardly know how to express it  really 
Agnes   She is a timid little thing  and easily disturbed and
frightened   Some time ago  before her father s death  when I
thought it right to mention to her   but I ll tell you  if you will
bear with me  how it was  

Accordingly  I told Agnes about my declaration of poverty  about
the cookery book  the housekeeping accounts  and all the rest of
it 

 Oh  Trotwood   she remonstrated  with a smile    Just your old
headlong way   You might have been in earnest in striving to get on
in the world  without being so very sudden with a timid  loving 
inexperienced girl   Poor Dora  

I never heard such sweet forbearing kindness expressed in a voice 
as she expressed in making this reply   It was as if I had seen her
admiringly and tenderly embracing Dora  and tacitly reproving me 
by her considerate protection  for my hot haste in fluttering that
little heart   It was as if I had seen Dora  in all her fascinating
artlessness  caressing Agnes  and thanking her  and coaxingly
appealing against me  and loving me with all her childish
innocence 

I felt so grateful to Agnes  and admired her so   I saw those two
together  in a bright perspective  such well associated friends 
each adorning the other so much 

 What ought I to do then  Agnes   I inquired  after looking at the
fire a little while    What would it be right to do  

 I think   said Agnes   that the honourable course to take  would
be to write to those two ladies   Don t you think that any secret
course is an unworthy one  

 Yes   If YOU think so   said I 

 I am poorly qualified to judge of such matters   replied Agnes 
with a modest hesitation   but I certainly feel   in short  I feel
that your being secret and clandestine  is not being like
yourself  

 Like myself  in the too high opinion you have of me  Agnes  I am
afraid   said I 

 Like yourself  in the candour of your nature   she returned   and
therefore I would write to those two ladies   I would relate  as
plainly and as openly as possible  all that has taken place  and I
would ask their permission to visit sometimes  at their house 
Considering that you are young  and striving for a place in life 
I think it would be well to say that you would readily abide by any
conditions they might impose upon you   I would entreat them not to
dismiss your request  without a reference to Dora  and to discuss
it with her when they should think the time suitable   I would not
be too vehement   said Agnes  gently   or propose too much   I
would trust to my fidelity and perseverance   and to Dora  

 But if they were to frighten Dora again  Agnes  by speaking to
her   said I    And if Dora were to cry  and say nothing about me  

 Is that likely   inquired Agnes  with the same sweet consideration
in her face 

 God bless her  she is as easily scared as a bird   said I    It
might be   Or if the two Miss Spenlows  elderly ladies of that sort
are odd characters sometimes  should not be likely persons to
address in that way  

 I don t think  Trotwood   returned Agnes  raising her soft eyes to
mine   I would consider that   Perhaps it would be better only to
consider whether it is right to do this  and  if it is  to do it  

I had no longer any doubt on the subject   With a lightened heart 
though with a profound sense of the weighty importance of my task 
I devoted the whole afternoon to the composition of the draft of
this letter  for which great purpose  Agnes relinquished her desk
to me   But first I went downstairs to see Mr  Wickfield and Uriah
Heep 

I found Uriah in possession of a new  plaster smelling office 
built out in the garden  looking extraordinarily mean  in the midst
of a quantity of books and papers   He received me in his usual
fawning way  and pretended not to have heard of my arrival from Mr 
Micawber  a pretence I took the liberty of disbelieving   He
accompanied me into Mr  Wickfield s room  which was the shadow of
its former self   having been divested of a variety of
conveniences  for the accommodation of the new partner   and stood
before the fire  warming his back  and shaving his chin with his
bony hand  while Mr  Wickfield and I exchanged greetings 

 You stay with us  Trotwood  while you remain in Canterbury   said
Mr  Wickfield  not without a glance at Uriah for his approval 

 Is there room for me   said I 

 I am sure  Master Copperfield   I should say Mister  but the other
comes so natural   said Uriah    I would turn out of your old room
with pleasure  if it would be agreeable  

 No  no   said Mr  Wickfield    Why should you be inconvenienced 
There s another room   There s another room  
 Oh  but you know   returned Uriah  with a grin   I should really
be delighted  

To cut the matter short  I said I would have the other room or none
at all  so it was settled that I should have the other room  and 
taking my leave of the firm until dinner  I went upstairs again 

I had hoped to have no other companion than Agnes   But Mrs  Heep
had asked permission to bring herself and her knitting near the
fire  in that room  on pretence of its having an aspect more
favourable for her rheumatics  as the wind then was  than the
drawing room or dining parlour   Though I could almost have
consigned her to the mercies of the wind on the topmost pinnacle of
the Cathedral  without remorse  I made a virtue of necessity  and
gave her a friendly salutation 

 I m umbly thankful to you  sir   said Mrs  Heep  in
acknowledgement of my inquiries concerning her health   but I m
only pretty well   I haven t much to boast of   If I could see my
Uriah well settled in life  I couldn t expect much more I think 
How do you think my Ury looking  sir  

I thought him looking as villainous as ever  and I replied that I
saw no change in him 

 Oh  don t you think he s changed   said Mrs  Heep    There I must
umbly beg leave to differ from you   Don t you see a thinness in
him  

 Not more than usual   I replied 

 Don t you though   said Mrs  Heep    But you don t take notice of
him with a mother s eye  

His mother s eye was an evil eye to the rest of the world  I
thought as it met mine  howsoever affectionate to him  and I
believe she and her son were devoted to one another   It passed me 
and went on to Agnes 

 Don t YOU see a wasting and a wearing in him  Miss Wickfield  
inquired Mrs  Heep 

 No   said Agnes  quietly pursuing the work on which she was
engaged    You are too solicitous about him   He is very well  

Mrs  Heep  with a prodigious sniff  resumed her knitting 

She never left off  or left us for a moment   I had arrived early
in the day  and we had still three or four hours before dinner  but
she sat there  plying her knitting needles as monotonously as an
hour glass might have poured out its sands   She sat on one side of
the fire  I sat at the desk in front of it  a little beyond me  on
the other side  sat Agnes   Whensoever  slowly pondering over my
letter  I lifted up my eyes  and meeting the thoughtful face of
Agnes  saw it clear  and beam encouragement upon me  with its own
angelic expression  I was conscious presently of the evil eye
passing me  and going on to her  and coming back to me again  and
dropping furtively upon the knitting   What the knitting was  I
don t know  not being learned in that art  but it looked like a
net  and as she worked away with those Chinese chopsticks of
knitting needles  she showed in the firelight like an ill looking
enchantress  baulked as yet by the radiant goodness opposite  but
getting ready for a cast of her net by and by 

At dinner she maintained her watch  with the same unwinking eyes 
After dinner  her son took his turn  and when Mr  Wickfield 
himself  and I were left alone together  leered at me  and writhed
until I could hardly bear it   In the drawing room  there was the
mother knitting and watching again   All the time that Agnes sang
and played  the mother sat at the piano   Once she asked for a
particular ballad  which she said her Ury  who was yawning in a
great chair  doted on  and at intervals she looked round at him 
and reported to Agnes that he was in raptures with the music   But
she hardly ever spoke   I question if she ever did   without making
some mention of him   It was evident to me that this was the duty
assigned to her 

This lasted until bedtime   To have seen the mother and son  like
two great bats hanging over the whole house  and darkening it with
their ugly forms  made me so uncomfortable  that I would rather
have remained downstairs  knitting and all  than gone to bed   I
hardly got any sleep   Next day the knitting and watching began
again  and lasted all day 

I had not an opportunity of speaking to Agnes  for ten minutes   I
could barely show her my letter   I proposed to her to walk out
with me  but Mrs  Heep repeatedly complaining that she was worse 
Agnes charitably remained within  to bear her company   Towards the
twilight I went out by myself  musing on what I ought to do  and
whether I was justified in withholding from Agnes  any longer  what
Uriah Heep had told me in London  for that began to trouble me
again  very much 

I had not walked out far enough to be quite clear of the town  upon
the Ramsgate road  where there was a good path  when I was hailed 
through the dust  by somebody behind me   The shambling figure  and
the scanty great coat  were not to be mistaken   I stopped  and
Uriah Heep came up 

 Well   said I 

 How fast you walk   said he    My legs are pretty long  but you ve
given  em quite a job  

 Where are you going   said I 

 I am going with you  Master Copperfield  if you ll allow me the
pleasure of a walk with an old acquaintance    Saying this  with a
jerk of his body  which might have been either propitiatory or
derisive  he fell into step beside me 

 Uriah   said I  as civilly as I could  after a silence 

 Master Copperfield   said Uriah 

 To tell you the truth  at which you will not be offended   I came
Out to walk alone  because I have had so much company  

He looked at me sideways  and said with his hardest grin   You mean
mother  

 Why yes  I do   said I 

 Ah   But you know we re so very umble   he returned    And having
such a knowledge of our own umbleness  we must really take care
that we re not pushed to the wall by them as isn t umble   All
stratagems are fair in love  sir  

Raising his great hands until they touched his chin  he rubbed them
softly  and softly chuckled  looking as like a malevolent baboon 
I thought  as anything human could look 

 You see   he said  still hugging himself in that unpleasant way 
and shaking his head at me   you re quite a dangerous rival  Master
Copperfield   You always was  you know  

 Do you set a watch upon Miss Wickfield  and make her home no home 
because of me   said I 

 Oh  Master Copperfield   Those are very arsh words   he replied 

 Put my meaning into any words you like   said I    You know what
it is  Uriah  as well as I do  

 Oh no   You must put it into words   he said    Oh  really   I
couldn t myself  

 Do you suppose   said I  constraining myself to be very temperate
and quiet with him  on account of Agnes   that I regard Miss
Wickfield otherwise than as a very dear sister  

 Well  Master Copperfield   he replied   you perceive I am not
bound to answer that question   You may not  you know   But then 
you see  you may  

Anything to equal the low cunning of his visage  and of his
shadowless eyes without the ghost of an eyelash  I never saw 

 Come then   said I    For the sake of Miss Wickfield   

 My Agnes   he exclaimed  with a sickly  angular contortion of
himself    Would you be so good as call her Agnes  Master
Copperfield  

 For the sake of Agnes Wickfield   Heaven bless her  

 Thank you for that blessing  Master Copperfield  he interposed 

 I will tell you what I should  under any other circumstances  as
soon have thought of telling to   Jack Ketch  

 To who  sir   said Uriah  stretching out his neck  and shading his
ear with his hand 

 To the hangman   I returned    The most unlikely person I could
think of     though his own face had suggested the allusion quite
as a natural sequence    I am engaged to another young lady   I
hope that contents you  

 Upon your soul   said Uriah 

I was about indignantly to give my assertion the confirmation he
required  when he caught hold of my hand  and gave it a squeeze 

 Oh  Master Copperfield   he said    If you had only had the
condescension to return my confidence when I poured out the fulness
of my art  the night I put you so much out of the way by sleeping
before your sitting room fire  I never should have doubted you   As
it is  I m sure I ll take off mother directly  and only too appy 
I know you ll excuse the precautions of affection  won t you   What
a pity  Master Copperfield  that you didn t condescend to return my
confidence   I m sure I gave you every opportunity   But you never
have condescended to me  as much as I could have wished   I know
you have never liked me  as I have liked you  

All this time he was squeezing my hand with his damp fishy fingers 
while I made every effort I decently could to get it away   But I
was quite unsuccessful   He drew it under the sleeve of his
mulberry coloured great coat  and I walked on  almost upon
compulsion  arm in arm with him 

 Shall we turn   said Uriah  by and by wheeling me face about
towards the town  on which the early moon was now shining 
silvering the distant windows 

 Before we leave the subject  you ought to understand   said I 
breaking a pretty long silence   that I believe Agnes Wickfield to
be as far above you  and as far removed from all your aspirations 
as that moon herself  

 Peaceful   Ain t she   said Uriah    Very   Now confess  Master
Copperfield  that you haven t liked me quite as I have liked you 
All along you ve thought me too umble now  I shouldn t wonder  

 I am not fond of professions of humility   I returned   or
professions of anything else  
 There now   said Uriah  looking flabby and lead coloured in the
moonlight    Didn t I know it   But how little you think of the
rightful umbleness of a person in my station  Master Copperfield 
Father and me was both brought up at a foundation school for boys 
and mother  she was likewise brought up at a public  sort of
charitable  establishment   They taught us all a deal of umbleness
  not much else that I know of  from morning to night   We was to
be umble to this person  and umble to that  and to pull off our
caps here  and to make bows there  and always to know our place 
and abase ourselves before our betters   And we had such a lot of
betters   Father got the monitor medal by being umble   So did I 
Father got made a sexton by being umble   He had the character 
among the gentlefolks  of being such a well behaved man  that they
were determined to bring him in    Be umble  Uriah   says father to
me   and you ll get on   It was what was always being dinned into
you and me at school  it s what goes down best   Be umble   says
father   and you ll do   And really it ain t done bad  

It was the first time it had ever occurred to me  that this
detestable cant of false humility might have originated out of the
Heep family   I had seen the harvest  but had never thought of the
seed 

 When I was quite a young boy   said Uriah   I got to know what
umbleness did  and I took to it   I ate umble pie with an appetite 
I stopped at the umble point of my learning  and says I   Hold
hard   When you offered to teach me Latin  I knew better    People
like to be above you   says father   keep yourself down   I am very
umble to the present moment  Master Copperfield  but I ve got a
little power  

And he said all this   I knew  as I saw his face in the moonlight
  that I might understand he was resolved to recompense himself by
using his power   I had never doubted his meanness  his craft and
malice  but I fully comprehended now  for the first time  what a
base  unrelenting  and revengeful spirit  must have been engendered
by this early  and this long  suppression 

His account of himself was so far attended with an agreeable
result  that it led to his withdrawing his hand in order that he
might have another hug of himself under the chin   Once apart from
him  I was determined to keep apart  and we walked back  side by
side  saying very little more by the way   Whether his spirits were
elevated by the communication I had made to him  or by his having
indulged in this retrospect  I don t know  but they were raised by
some influence   He talked more at dinner than was usual with him 
asked his mother  off duty  from the moment of our re entering the
house  whether he was not growing too old for a bachelor  and once
looked at Agnes so  that I would have given all I had  for leave to
knock him down 

When we three males were left alone after dinner  he got into a
more adventurous state   He had taken little or no wine  and I
presume it was the mere insolence of triumph that was upon him 
flushed perhaps by the temptation my presence furnished to its
exhibition 

I had observed yesterday  that he tried to entice Mr  Wickfield to
drink  and  interpreting the look which Agnes had given me as she
went out  had limited myself to one glass  and then proposed that
we should follow her   I would have done so again today  but Uriah
was too quick for me 

 We seldom see our present visitor  sir   he said  addressing Mr 
Wickfield  sitting  such a contrast to him  at the end of the
table   and I should propose to give him welcome in another glass
or two of wine  if you have no objections   Mr  Copperfield  your
elth and appiness  

I was obliged to make a show of taking the hand he stretched across
to me  and then  with very different emotions  I took the hand of
the broken gentleman  his partner 

 Come  fellow partner   said Uriah   if I may take the liberty   
now  suppose you give us something or another appropriate to
Copperfield  

I pass over Mr  Wickfield s proposing my aunt  his proposing Mr 
Dick  his proposing Doctors  Commons  his proposing Uriah  his
drinking everything twice  his consciousness of his own weakness 
the ineffectual effort that he made against it  the struggle
between his shame in Uriah s deportment  and his desire to
conciliate him  the manifest exultation with which Uriah twisted
and turned  and held him up before me   It made me sick at heart to
see  and my hand recoils from writing it 

 Come  fellow partner   said Uriah  at last   I ll give you another
one  and I umbly ask for bumpers  seeing I intend to make it the
divinest of her sex  

Her father had his empty glass in his hand   I saw him set it down 
look at the picture she was so like  put his hand to his forehead 
and shrink back in his elbow chair 

 I m an umble individual to give you her elth   proceeded Uriah 
 but I admire   adore her  

No physical pain that her father s grey head could have borne  I
think  could have been more terrible to me  than the mental
endurance I saw compressed now within both his hands 

 Agnes   said Uriah  either not regarding him  or not knowing what
the nature of his action was   Agnes Wickfield is  I am safe to
say  the divinest of her sex   May I speak out  among friends   To
be her father is a proud distinction  but to be her usband   

Spare me from ever again hearing such a cry  as that with which her
father rose up from the table 
 What s the matter   said Uriah  turning of a deadly colour    You
are not gone mad  after all  Mr  Wickfield  I hope   If I say I ve
an ambition to make your Agnes my Agnes  I have as good a right to
it as another man   I have a better right to it than any other
man  

I had my arms round Mr  Wickfield  imploring him by everything that
I could think of  oftenest of all by his love for Agnes  to calm
himself a little   He was mad for the moment  tearing out his hair 
beating his head  trying to force me from him  and to force himself
from me  not answering a word  not looking at or seeing anyone 
blindly striving for he knew not what  his face all staring and
distorted   a frightful spectacle 

I conjured him  incoherently  but in the most impassioned manner 
not to abandon himself to this wildness  but to hear me   I
besought him to think of Agnes  to connect me with Agnes  to
recollect how Agnes and I had grown up together  how I honoured her
and loved her  how she was his pride and joy   I tried to bring her
idea before him in any form  I even reproached him with not having
firmness to spare her the knowledge of such a scene as this   I may
have effected something  or his wildness may have spent itself  but
by degrees he struggled less  and began to look at me   strangely
at first  then with recognition in his eyes   At length he said   I
know  Trotwood   My darling child and you   I know   But look at
him  

He pointed to Uriah  pale and glowering in a corner  evidently very
much out in his calculations  and taken by surprise 

 Look at my torturer   he replied    Before him I have step by step
abandoned name and reputation  peace and quiet  house and home  

 I have kept your name and reputation for you  and your peace and
quiet  and your house and home too   said Uriah  with a sulky 
hurried  defeated air of compromise    Don t be foolish  Mr 
Wickfield   If I have gone a little beyond what you were prepared
for  I can go back  I suppose   There s no harm done  

 I looked for single motives in everyone   said Mr  Wickfield  and
I was satisfied I had bound him to me by motives of interest   But
see what he is   oh  see what he is  

 You had better stop him  Copperfield  if you can   cried Uriah 
with his long forefinger pointing towards me    He ll say something
presently   mind you    he ll be sorry to have said afterwards  and
you ll be sorry to have heard  

 I ll say anything   cried Mr  Wickfield  with a desperate air 
 Why should I not be in all the world s power if I am in yours  

 Mind  I tell you   said Uriah  continuing to warn me    If you
don t stop his mouth  you re not his friend   Why shouldn t you be
in all the world s power  Mr  Wickfield   Because you have got a
daughter   You and me know what we know  don t we   Let sleeping
dogs lie   who wants to rouse  em   I don t   Can t you see I am as
umble as I can be   I tell you  if I ve gone too far  I m sorry 
What would you have  sir  

 Oh  Trotwood  Trotwood  exclaimed Mr  Wickfield  wringing his
hands    What I have come down to be  since I first saw you in this
house   I was on my downward way then  but the dreary  dreary road
I have traversed since   Weak indulgence has ruined me   Indulgence
in remembrance  and indulgence in forgetfulness   My natural grief
for my child s mother turned to disease  my natural love for my
child turned to disease   I have infected everything I touched   I
have brought misery on what I dearly love  I know  you know   I
thought it possible that I could truly love one creature in the
world  and not love the rest  I thought it possible that I could
truly mourn for one creature gone out of the world  and not have
some part in the grief of all who mourned   Thus the lessons of my
life have been perverted   I have preyed on my own morbid coward
heart  and it has preyed on me   Sordid in my grief  sordid in my
love  sordid in my miserable escape from the darker side of both 
oh see the ruin I am  and hate me  shun me  

He dropped into a chair  and weakly sobbed   The excitement into
which he had been roused was leaving him   Uriah came out of his
corner 

 I don t know all I have done  in my fatuity   said Mr  Wickfield 
putting out his hands  as if to deprecate my condemnation    He
knows best   meaning Uriah Heep   for he has always been at my
elbow  whispering me   You see the millstone that he is about my
neck   You find him in my house  you find him in my business   You
heard him  but a little time ago   What need have I to say more  

 You haven t need to say so much  nor half so much  nor anything at
all   observed Uriah  half defiant  and half fawning    You
wouldn t have took it up so  if it hadn t been for the wine 
You ll think better of it tomorrow  sir   If I have said too much 
or more than I meant  what of it   I haven t stood by it  

The door opened  and Agnes  gliding in  without a vestige of colour
in her face  put her arm round his neck  and steadily said   Papa 
you are not well   Come with me  

He laid his head upon her shoulder  as if he were oppressed with
heavy shame  and went out with her   Her eyes met mine for but an
instant  yet I saw how much she knew of what had passed 

 I didn t expect he d cut up so rough  Master Copperfield   said
Uriah    But it s nothing   I ll be friends with him tomorrow 
It s for his good   I m umbly anxious for his good  

I gave him no answer  and went upstairs into the quiet room where
Agnes had so often sat beside me at my books   Nobody came near me
until late at night   I took up a book  and tried to read   I heard
the clocks strike twelve  and was still reading  without knowing
what I read  when Agnes touched me 

 You will be going early in the morning  Trotwood   Let us say
good bye  now  

She had been weeping  but her face then was so calm and beautiful 

 Heaven bless you   she said  giving me her hand 

 Dearest Agnes   I returned   I see you ask me not to speak of
tonight   but is there nothing to be done  

 There is God to trust in   she replied 

 Can I do nothing  I  who come to you with my poor sorrows  

 And make mine so much lighter   she replied    Dear Trotwood  no  

 Dear Agnes   I said   it is presumptuous for me  who am so poor in
all in which you are so rich   goodness  resolution  all noble
qualities   to doubt or direct you  but you know how much I love
you  and how much I owe you   You will never sacrifice yourself to
a mistaken sense of duty  Agnes  

More agitated for a moment than I had ever seen her  she took her
hands from me  and moved a step back 

 Say you have no such thought  dear Agnes   Much more than sister 
Think of the priceless gift of such a heart as yours  of such a
love as yours  

Oh  long  long afterwards  I saw that face rise up before me  with
its momentary look  not wondering  not accusing  not regretting 
Oh  long  long afterwards  I saw that look subside  as it did now 
into the lovely smile  with which she told me she had no fear for
herself   I need have none for her   and parted from me by the name
of Brother  and was gone 

It was dark in the morning  when I got upon the coach at the inn
door   The day was just breaking when we were about to start  and
then  as I sat thinking of her  came struggling up the coach side 
through the mingled day and night  Uriah s head 

 Copperfield   said he  in a croaking whisper  as he hung by the
iron on the roof   I thought you d be glad to hear before you went
off  that there are no squares broke between us   I ve been into
his room already  and we ve made it all smooth   Why  though I m
umble  I m useful to him  you know  and he understands his interest
when he isn t in liquor   What an agreeable man he is  after all 
Master Copperfield  

I obliged myself to say that I was glad he had made his apology 

 Oh  to be sure   said Uriah    When a person s umble  you know 
what s an apology   So easy   I say   I suppose   with a jerk   you
have sometimes plucked a pear before it was ripe  Master
Copperfield  

 I suppose I have   I replied 

 I did that last night   said Uriah   but it ll ripen yet   It only
wants attending to   I can wait  

Profuse in his farewells  he got down again as the coachman got up 
For anything I know  he was eating something to keep the raw
morning air out  but he made motions with his mouth as if the pear
were ripe already  and he were smacking his lips over it 



CHAPTER   
THE WANDERER


We had a very serious conversation in Buckingham Street that night 
about the domestic occurrences I have detailed in the last chapter 
My aunt was deeply interested in them  and walked up and down the
room with her arms folded  for more than two hours afterwards 
Whenever she was particularly discomposed  she always performed one
of these pedestrian feats  and the amount of her discomposure might
always be estimated by the duration of her walk   On this occasion
she was so much disturbed in mind as to find it necessary to open
the bedroom door  and make a course for herself  comprising the
full extent of the bedrooms from wall to wall  and while Mr  Dick
and I sat quietly by the fire  she kept passing in and out  along
this measured track  at an unchanging pace  with the regularity of
a clock pendulum 

When my aunt and I were left to ourselves by Mr  Dick s going out
to bed  I sat down to write my letter to the two old ladies   By
that time she was tired of walking  and sat by the fire with her
dress tucked up as usual   But instead of sitting in her usual
manner  holding her glass upon her knee  she suffered it to stand
neglected on the chimney piece  and  resting her left elbow on her
right arm  and her chin on her left hand  looked thoughtfully at
me   As often as I raised my eyes from what I was about  I met
hers    I am in the lovingest of tempers  my dear   she would
assure me with a nod   but I am fidgeted and sorry  

I had been too busy to observe  until after she was gone to bed 
that she had left her night mixture  as she always called it 
untasted on the chimney piece   She came to her door  with even
more than her usual affection of manner  when I knocked to acquaint
her with this discovery  but only said   I have not the heart to
take it  Trot  tonight   and shook her head  and went in again 

She read my letter to the two old ladies  in the morning  and
approved of it   I posted it  and had nothing to do then  but wait 
as patiently as I could  for the reply   I was still in this state
of expectation  and had been  for nearly a week  when I left the
Doctor s one snowy night  to walk home 

It had been a bitter day  and a cutting north east wind had blown
for some time   The wind had gone down with the light  and so the
snow had come on   It was a heavy  settled fall  I recollect  in
great flakes  and it lay thick   The noise of wheels and tread of
people were as hushed  as if the streets had been strewn that depth
with feathers 

My shortest way home    and I naturally took the shortest way on
such a night   was through St  Martin s Lane   Now  the church
which gives its name to the lane  stood in a less free situation at
that time  there being no open space before it  and the lane
winding down to the Strand   As I passed the steps of the portico 
I encountered  at the corner  a woman s face   It looked in mine 
passed across the narrow lane  and disappeared   I knew it   I had
seen it somewhere   But I could not remember where   I had some
association with it  that struck upon my heart directly  but I was
thinking of anything else when it came upon me  and was confused 

On the steps of the church  there was the stooping figure of a man 
who had put down some burden on the smooth snow  to adjust it  my
seeing the face  and my seeing him  were simultaneous   I don t
think I had stopped in my surprise  but  in any case  as I went on 
he rose  turned  and came down towards me   I stood face to face
with Mr  Peggotty 

Then I remembered the woman   It was Martha  to whom Emily had
given the money that night in the kitchen   Martha Endell   side by
side with whom  he would not have seen his dear niece  Ham had told
me  for all the treasures wrecked in the sea 

We shook hands heartily   At first  neither of us could speak a
word 

 Mas r Davy   he said  gripping me tight   it do my art good to see
you  sir   Well met  well met  

 Well met  my dear old friend   said I 

 I had my thowts o  coming to make inquiration for you  sir 
tonight   he said   but knowing as your aunt was living along wi 
you   fur I ve been down yonder   Yarmouth way   I was afeerd it
was too late   I should have come early in the morning  sir  afore
going away  

 Again   said I 

 Yes  sir   he replied  patiently shaking his head   I m away
tomorrow  

 Where were you going now   I asked 

 Well   he replied  shaking the snow out of his long hair   I was
a going to turn in somewheers  

In those days there was a side entrance to the stable yard of the
Golden Cross  the inn so memorable to me in connexion with his
misfortune  nearly opposite to where we stood   I pointed out the
gateway  put my arm through his  and we went across   Two or three
public rooms opened out of the stable yard  and looking into one of
them  and finding it empty  and a good fire burning  I took him in
there 

When I saw him in the light  I observed  not only that his hair was
long and ragged  but that his face was burnt dark by the sun   He
was greyer  the lines in his face and forehead were deeper  and he
had every appearance of having toiled and wandered through all
varieties of weather  but he looked very strong  and like a man
upheld by steadfastness of purpose  whom nothing could tire out 
He shook the snow from his hat and clothes  and brushed it away
from his face  while I was inwardly making these remarks   As he
sat down opposite to me at a table  with his back to the door by
which we had entered  he put out his rough hand again  and grasped
mine warmly 

 I ll tell you  Mas r Davy   he said     wheer all I ve been  and
what all we ve heerd   I ve been fur  and we ve heerd little  but
I ll tell you  

I rang the bell for something hot to drink   He would have nothing
stronger than ale  and while it was being brought  and being warmed
at the fire  he sat thinking   There was a fine  massive gravity in
his face  I did not venture to disturb 

 When she was a child   he said  lifting up his head soon after we
were left alone   she used to talk to me a deal about the sea  and
about them coasts where the sea got to be dark blue  and to lay
a shining and a shining in the sun   I thowt  odd times  as her
father being drownded made her think on it so much   I doen t know 
you see  but maybe she believed   or hoped   he had drifted out to
them parts  where the flowers is always a blowing  and the country
bright  

 It is likely to have been a childish fancy   I replied 

 When she was   lost   said Mr  Peggotty   I know d in my mind  as
he would take her to them countries   I know d in my mind  as he d
have told her wonders of  em  and how she was to be a lady theer 
and how he got her to listen to him fust  along o  sech like   When
we see his mother  I know d quite well as I was right   I went
across channel to France  and landed theer  as if I d fell down
from the sky  

I saw the door move  and the snow drift in   I saw it move a little
more  and a hand softly interpose to keep it open 

 I found out an English gen leman as was in authority   said Mr 
Peggotty   and told him I was a going to seek my niece   He got me
them papers as I wanted fur to carry me through   I doen t rightly
know how they re called   and he would have give me money  but that
I was thankful to have no need on   I thank him kind  for all he
done  I m sure    I ve wrote afore you   he says to me   and I
shall speak to many as will come that way  and many will know you 
fur distant from here  when you re a travelling alone   I told him 
best as I was able  what my gratitoode was  and went away through
France  

 Alone  and on foot   said I 

 Mostly a foot   he rejoined   sometimes in carts along with people
going to market  sometimes in empty coaches   Many mile a day
a foot  and often with some poor soldier or another  travelling to
see his friends   I couldn t talk to him   said Mr  Peggotty   nor
he to me  but we was company for one another  too  along the dusty
roads  

I should have known that by his friendly tone 

 When I come to any town   he pursued   I found the inn  and waited
about the yard till someone turned up  someone mostly did  as
know d English   Then I told how that I was on my way to seek my
niece  and they told me what manner of gentlefolks was in the
house  and I waited to see any as seemed like her  going in or out 
When it warn t Em ly  I went on agen   By little and little  when
I come to a new village or that  among the poor people  I found
they know d about me   They would set me down at their cottage
doors  and give me what not fur to eat and drink  and show me where
to sleep  and many a woman  Mas r Davy  as has had a daughter of
about Em ly s age  I ve found a waiting fur me  at Our Saviour s
Cross outside the village  fur to do me sim lar kindnesses   Some
has had daughters as was dead   And God only knows how good them
mothers was to me  

It was Martha at the door   I saw her haggard  listening face
distinctly   My dread was lest he should turn his head  and see her
too 

 They would often put their children   particular their little
girls   said Mr  Peggotty   upon my knee  and many a time you might
have seen me sitting at their doors  when night was coming in 
a most as if they d been my Darling s children   Oh  my Darling  

Overpowered by sudden grief  he sobbed aloud   I laid my trembling
hand upon the hand he put before his face    Thankee  sir   he
said   doen t take no notice  

In a very little while he took his hand away and put it on his
breast  and went on with his story 
 They often walked with me   he said   in the morning  maybe a mile
or two upon my road  and when we parted  and I said   I m very
thankful to you   God bless you   they always seemed to understand 
and answered pleasant   At last I come to the sea   It warn t hard 
you may suppose  for a seafaring man like me to work his way over
to Italy   When I got theer  I wandered on as I had done afore 
The people was just as good to me  and I should have gone from town
to town  maybe the country through  but that I got news of her
being seen among them Swiss mountains yonder   One as know d his
servant see  em there  all three  and told me how they travelled 
and where they was   I made fur them mountains  Mas r Davy  day and
night   Ever so fur as I went  ever so fur the mountains seemed to
shift away from me   But I come up with  em  and I crossed  em 
When I got nigh the place as I had been told of  I began to think
within my own self   What shall I do when I see her   

The listening face  insensible to the inclement night  still
drooped at the door  and the hands begged me   prayed me   not to
cast it forth 

 I never doubted her   said Mr  Peggotty    No   Not a bit   On y
let her see my face   on y let her beer my voice   on y let my
stanning still afore her bring to her thoughts the home she had
fled away from  and the child she had been   and if she had growed
to be a royal lady  she d have fell down at my feet   I know d it
well   Many a time in my sleep had I heerd her cry out   Uncle  
and seen her fall like death afore me   Many a time in my sleep had
I raised her up  and whispered to her   Em ly  my dear  I am come
fur to bring forgiveness  and to take you home   

He stopped and shook his head  and went on with a sigh 

 He was nowt to me now   Em ly was all   I bought a country dress
to put upon her  and I know d that  once found  she would walk
beside me over them stony roads  go where I would  and never 
never  leave me more   To put that dress upon her  and to cast off
what she wore   to take her on my arm again  and wander towards
home   to stop sometimes upon the road  and heal her bruised feet
and her worse bruised heart   was all that I thowt of now   I
doen t believe I should have done so much as look at him   But 
Mas r Davy  it warn t to be   not yet   I was too late  and they
was gone   Wheer  I couldn t learn   Some said beer  some said
theer   I travelled beer  and I travelled theer  but I found no
Em ly  and I travelled home  

 How long ago   I asked 

 A matter o  fower days   said Mr  Peggotty    I sighted the old
boat arter dark  and the light a shining in the winder   When I
come nigh and looked in through the glass  I see the faithful
creetur Missis Gummidge sittin  by the fire  as we had fixed upon 
alone   I called out   Doen t be afeerd   It s Dan l   and I went
in   I never could have thowt the old boat would have been so
strange  
From some pocket in his breast  he took out  with a very careful
hand a small paper bundle containing two or three letters or little
packets  which he laid upon the table 

 This fust one come   he said  selecting it from the rest   afore
I had been gone a week   A fifty pound Bank note  in a sheet of
paper  directed to me  and put underneath the door in the night 
She tried to hide her writing  but she couldn t hide it from Me  

He folded up the note again  with great patience and care  in
exactly the same form  and laid it on one side 

 This come to Missis Gummidge   he said  opening another   two or
three months ago  After looking at it for some moments  he gave it
to me  and added in a low voice   Be so good as read it  sir  

I read as follows 


 Oh what will you feel when you see this writing  and know it comes
from my wicked hand   But try  try   not for my sake  but for
uncle s goodness  try to let your heart soften to me  only for a
little little time   Try  pray do  to relent towards a miserable
girl  and write down on a bit of paper whether he is well  and what
he said about me before you left off ever naming me among
yourselves   and whether  of a night  when it is my old time of
coming home  you ever see him look as if he thought of one he used
to love so dear   Oh  my heart is breaking when I think about it 
I am kneeling down to you  begging and praying you not to be as
hard with me as I deserve   as I well  well  know I deserve   but
to be so gentle and so good  as to write down something of him  and
to send it to me   You need not call me Little  you need not call
me by the name I have disgraced  but oh  listen to my agony  and
have mercy on me so far as to write me some word of uncle  never 
never to be seen in this world by my eyes again 

 Dear  if your heart is hard towards me   justly hard  I know  
but  listen  if it is hard  dear  ask him I have wronged the most
  him whose wife I was to have been   before you quite decide
against my poor poor prayer   If he should be so compassionate as
to say that you might write something for me to read   I think he
would  oh  I think he would  if you would only ask him  for he
always was so brave and so forgiving   tell him then  but not
else   that when I hear the wind blowing at night  I feel as if it
was passing angrily from seeing him and uncle  and was going up to
God against me   Tell him that if I was to die tomorrow  and oh  if
I was fit  I would be so glad to die   I would bless him and uncle
with my last words  and pray for his happy home with my last
breath  


Some money was enclosed in this letter also   Five pounds   It was
untouched like the previous sum  and he refolded it in the same
way   Detailed instructions were added relative to the address of
a reply  which  although they betrayed the intervention of several
hands  and made it difficult to arrive at any very probable
conclusion in reference to her place of concealment  made it at
least not unlikely that she had written from that spot where she
was stated to have been seen 

 What answer was sent   I inquired of Mr  Peggotty 

 Missis Gummidge   he returned   not being a good scholar  sir  Ham
kindly drawed it out  and she made a copy on it   They told her I
was gone to seek her  and what my parting words was  

 Is that another letter in your hand   said I 

 It s money  sir   said Mr  Peggotty  unfolding it a little way 
 Ten pound  you see   And wrote inside   From a true friend   like
the fust   But the fust was put underneath the door  and this come
by the post  day afore yesterday   I m a going to seek her at the
post mark  

He showed it to me   It was a town on the Upper Rhine   He had
found out  at Yarmouth  some foreign dealers who knew that country 
and they had drawn him a rude map on paper  which he could very
well understand   He laid it between us on the table  and  with his
chin resting on one hand  tracked his course upon it with the
other 

I asked him how Ham was   He shook his head 

 He works   he said   as bold as a man can   His name s as good  in
all that part  as any man s is  anywheres in the wureld   Anyone s
hand is ready to help him  you understand  and his is ready to help
them   He s never been heerd fur to complain   But my sister s
belief is   twixt ourselves  as it has cut him deep  

 Poor fellow  I can believe it  

 He ain t no care  Mas r Davy   said Mr  Peggotty in a solemn
whisper    kinder no care no how for his life   When a man s wanted
for rough sarvice in rough weather  he s theer   When there s hard
duty to be done with danger in it  he steps for ard afore all his
mates   And yet he s as gentle as any child   There ain t a child
in Yarmouth that doen t know him  

He gathered up the letters thoughtfully  smoothing them with his
hand  put them into their little bundle  and placed it tenderly in
his breast again   The face was gone from the door   I still saw
the snow drifting in  but nothing else was there 

 Well   he said  looking to his bag   having seen you tonight 
Mas r Davy  and that doos me good    I shall away betimes tomorrow
morning   You have seen what I ve got heer   putting his hand on
where the little packet lay   all that troubles me is  to think
that any harm might come to me  afore that money was give back   If
I was to die  and it was lost  or stole  or elseways made away
with  and it was never know d by him but what I d took it  I
believe the t other wureld wouldn t hold me   I believe I must come
back  

He rose  and I rose too  we grasped each other by the hand again 
before going out 

 I d go ten thousand mile   he said   I d go till I dropped dead 
to lay that money down afore him   If I do that  and find my Em ly 
I m content   If I doen t find her  maybe she ll come to hear 
sometime  as her loving uncle only ended his search for her when he
ended his life  and if I know her  even that will turn her home at
last  

As he went out into the rigorous night  I saw the lonely figure
flit away before us   I turned him hastily on some pretence  and
held him in conversation until it was gone 

He spoke of a traveller s house on the Dover Road  where he knew he
could find a clean  plain lodging for the night   I went with him
over Westminster Bridge  and parted from him on the Surrey shore 
Everything seemed  to my imagination  to be hushed in reverence for
him  as he resumed his solitary journey through the snow 

I returned to the inn yard  and  impressed by my remembrance of the
face  looked awfully around for it   It was not there   The snow
had covered our late footprints  my new track was the only one to
be seen  and even that began to die away  it snowed so fast  as I
looked back over my shoulder 



CHAPTER   
DORA S AUNTS


At last  an answer came from the two old ladies   They presented
their compliments to Mr  Copperfield  and informed him that they
had given his letter their best consideration   with a view to the
happiness of both parties    which I thought rather an alarming
expression  not only because of the use they had made of it in
relation to the family difference before mentioned  but because I
had  and have all my life  observed that conventional phrases are
a sort of fireworks  easily let off  and liable to take a great
variety of shapes and colours not at all suggested by their
original form   The Misses Spenlow added that they begged to
forbear expressing   through the medium of correspondence   an
opinion on the subject of Mr  Copperfield s communication  but that
if Mr  Copperfield would do them the favour to call  upon a certain
day  accompanied  if he thought proper  by a confidential friend  
they would be happy to hold some conversation on the subject 

To this favour  Mr  Copperfield immediately replied  with his
respectful compliments  that he would have the honour of waiting on
the Misses Spenlow  at the time appointed  accompanied  in
accordance with their kind permission  by his friend Mr  Thomas
Traddles of the Inner Temple   Having dispatched which missive  Mr 
Copperfield fell into a condition of strong nervous agitation  and
so remained until the day arrived 

It was a great augmentation of my uneasiness to be bereaved  at
this eventful crisis  of the inestimable services of Miss Mills 
But Mr  Mills  who was always doing something or other to annoy me
  or I felt as if he were  which was the same thing   had brought
his conduct to a climax  by taking it into his head that he would
go to India   Why should he go to India  except to harass me   To
be sure he had nothing to do with any other part of the world  and
had a good deal to do with that part  being entirely in the India
trade  whatever that was  I had floating dreams myself concerning
golden shawls and elephants  teeth   having been at Calcutta in his
youth  and designing now to go out there again  in the capacity of
resident partner   But this was nothing to me   However  it was so
much to him that for India he was bound  and Julia with him  and
Julia went into the country to take leave of her relations  and the
house was put into a perfect suit of bills  announcing that it was
to be let or sold  and that the furniture  Mangle and all  was to
be taken at a valuation   So  here was another earthquake of which
I became the sport  before I had recovered from the shock of its
predecessor 

I was in several minds how to dress myself on the important day 
being divided between my desire to appear to advantage  and my
apprehensions of putting on anything that might impair my severely
practical character in the eyes of the Misses Spenlow   I
endeavoured to hit a happy medium between these two extremes  my
aunt approved the result  and Mr  Dick threw one of his shoes after
Traddles and me  for luck  as we went downstairs 

Excellent fellow as I knew Traddles to be  and warmly attached to
him as I was  I could not help wishing  on that delicate occasion 
that he had never contracted the habit of brushing his hair so very
upright   It gave him a surprised look   not to say a hearth broomy
kind of expression   which  my apprehensions whispered  might be
fatal to us 

I took the liberty of mentioning it to Traddles  as we were walking
to Putney  and saying that if he WOULD smooth it down a little  

 My dear Copperfield   said Traddles  lifting off his hat  and
rubbing his hair all kinds of ways   nothing would give me greater
pleasure   But it won t  

 Won t be smoothed down   said I 

 No   said Traddles    Nothing will induce it   If I was to carry
a half hundred weight upon it  all the way to Putney  it would be
up again the moment the weight was taken off   You have no idea
what obstinate hair mine is  Copperfield   I am quite a fretful
porcupine  

I was a little disappointed  I must confess  but thoroughly charmed
by his good nature too   I told him how I esteemed his good nature 
and said that his hair must have taken all the obstinacy out of his
character  for he had none 

 Oh   returned Traddles  laughing    I assure you  it s quite an
old story  my unfortunate hair   My uncle s wife couldn t bear it 
She said it exasperated her   It stood very much in my way  too 
when I first fell in love with Sophy   Very much  

 Did she object to it  

 SHE didn t   rejoined Traddles   but her eldest sister   the one
that s the Beauty   quite made game of it  I understand   In fact 
all the sisters laugh at it  

 Agreeable   said I 

 Yes   returned Traddles with perfect innocence   it s a joke for
us   They pretend that Sophy has a lock of it in her desk  and is
obliged to shut it in a clasped book  to keep it down   We laugh
about it  

 By the by  my dear Traddles   said I   your experience may suggest
something to me   When you became engaged to the young lady whom
you have just mentioned  did you make a regular proposal to her
family   Was there anything like   what we are going through today 
for instance   I added  nervously 

 Why   replied Traddles  on whose attentive face a thoughtful shade
had stolen   it was rather a painful transaction  Copperfield  in
my case   You see  Sophy being of so much use in the family  none
of them could endure the thought of her ever being married 
Indeed  they had quite settled among themselves that she never was
to be married  and they called her the old maid   Accordingly  when
I mentioned it  with the greatest precaution  to Mrs  Crewler   

 The mama   said I 

 The mama   said Traddles    Reverend Horace Crewler   when I
mentioned it with every possible precaution to Mrs  Crewler  the
effect upon her was such that she gave a scream and became
insensible   I couldn t approach the subject again  for months  

 You did at last   said I 

 Well  the Reverend Horace did   said Traddles    He is an
excellent man  most exemplary in every way  and he pointed out to
her that she ought  as a Christian  to reconcile herself to the
sacrifice  especially as it was so uncertain   and to bear no
uncharitable feeling towards me   As to myself  Copperfield  I give
you my word  I felt a perfect bird of prey towards the family  

 The sisters took your part  I hope  Traddles  

 Why  I can t say they did   he returned    When we had
comparatively reconciled Mrs  Crewler to it  we had to break it to
Sarah   You recollect my mentioning Sarah  as the one that has
something the matter with her spine  

 Perfectly  

 She clenched both her hands   said Traddles  looking at me in
dismay   shut her eyes  turned lead colour  became perfectly stiff 
and took nothing for two days but toast and water  administered
with a tea spoon  

 What a very unpleasant girl  Traddles   I remarked 

 Oh  I beg your pardon  Copperfield   said Traddles    She is a
very charming girl  but she has a great deal of feeling   In fact 
they all have   Sophy told me afterwards  that the self reproach
she underwent while she was in attendance upon Sarah  no words
could describe   I know it must have been severe  by my own
feelings  Copperfield  which were like a criminal s   After Sarah
was restored  we still had to break it to the other eight  and it
produced various effects upon them of a most pathetic nature   The
two little ones  whom Sophy educates  have only just left off
de testing me  

 At any rate  they are all reconciled to it now  I hope   said I 

 Ye yes  I should say they were  on the whole  resigned to it  
said Traddles  doubtfully    The fact is  we avoid mentioning the
subject  and my unsettled prospects and indifferent circumstances
are a great consolation to them   There will be a deplorable scene 
whenever we are married   It will be much more like a funeral  than
a wedding   And they ll all hate me for taking her away  

His honest face  as he looked at me with a serio comic shake of his
head  impresses me more in the remembrance than it did in the
reality  for I was by this time in a state of such excessive
trepidation and wandering of mind  as to be quite unable to fix my
attention on anything   On our approaching the house where the
Misses Spenlow lived  I was at such a discount in respect of my
personal looks and presence of mind  that Traddles proposed a
gentle stimulant in the form of a glass of ale   This having been
administered at a neighbouring public house  he conducted me  with
tottering steps  to the Misses Spenlow s door 

I had a vague sensation of being  as it were  on view  when the
maid opened it  and of wavering  somehow  across a hall with a
weather glass in it  into a quiet little drawing room on the
ground floor  commanding a neat garden   Also of sitting down here 
on a sofa  and seeing Traddles s hair start up  now his hat was
removed  like one of those obtrusive little figures made of
springs  that fly out of fictitious snuff boxes when the lid is
taken off   Also of hearing an old fashioned clock ticking away on
the chimney piece  and trying to make it keep time to the jerking
of my heart    which it wouldn t   Also of looking round the room
for any sign of Dora  and seeing none   Also of thinking that Jip
once barked in the distance  and was instantly choked by somebody 
Ultimately I found myself backing Traddles into the fireplace  and
bowing in great confusion to two dry little elderly ladies  dressed
in black  and each looking wonderfully like a preparation in chip
or tan of the late Mr  Spenlow 

 Pray   said one of the two little ladies   be seated  

When I had done tumbling over Traddles  and had sat upon something
which was not a cat   my first seat was   I so far recovered my
sight  as to perceive that Mr  Spenlow had evidently been the
youngest of the family  that there was a disparity of six or eight
years between the two sisters  and that the younger appeared to be
the manager of the conference  inasmuch as she had my letter in her
hand   so familiar as it looked to me  and yet so odd    and was
referring to it through an eye glass   They were dressed alike  but
this sister wore her dress with a more youthful air than the other 
and perhaps had a trifle more frill  or tucker  or brooch  or
bracelet  or some little thing of that kind  which made her look
more lively   They were both upright in their carriage  formal 
precise  composed  and quiet   The sister who had not my letter 
had her arms crossed on her breast  and resting on each other  like
an Idol 

 Mr  Copperfield  I believe   said the sister who had got my
letter  addressing herself to Traddles 

This was a frightful beginning   Traddles had to indicate that I
was Mr  Copperfield  and I had to lay claim to myself  and they had
to divest themselves of a preconceived opinion that Traddles was
Mr  Copperfield  and altogether we were in a nice condition   To
improve it  we all distinctly heard Jip give two short barks  and
receive another choke 

 Mr  Copperfield   said the sister with the letter 

I did something   bowed  I suppose   and was all attention  when
the other sister struck in 

 My sister Lavinia   said she  being conversant with matters of
this nature  will state what we consider most calculated to promote
the happiness of both parties  

I discovered afterwards that Miss Lavinia was an authority in
affairs of the heart  by reason of there having anciently existed
a certain Mr  Pidger  who played short whist  and was supposed to
have been enamoured of her   My private opinion is  that this was
entirely a gratuitous assumption  and that Pidger was altogether
innocent of any such sentiments   to which he had never given any
sort of expression that I could ever hear of   Both Miss Lavinia
and Miss Clarissa had a superstition  however  that he would have
declared his passion  if he had not been cut short in his youth  at
about sixty  by over drinking his constitution  and over doing an
attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water   They had a
lurking suspicion even  that he died of secret love  though I must
say there was a picture of him in the house with a damask nose 
which concealment did not appear to have ever preyed upon 

 We will not   said Miss Lavinia   enter on the past history of
this matter   Our poor brother Francis s death has cancelled that  

 We had not   said Miss Clarissa   been in the habit of frequent
association with our brother Francis  but there was no decided
division or disunion between us   Francis took his road  we took
ours   We considered it conducive to the happiness of all parties
that it should be so   And it was so  

Each of the sisters leaned a little forward to speak  shook her
head after speaking  and became upright again when silent   Miss
Clarissa never moved her arms   She sometimes played tunes upon
them with her fingers   minuets and marches I should think   but
never moved them 

 Our niece s position  or supposed position  is much changed by our
brother Francis s death   said Miss Lavinia   and therefore we
consider our brother s opinions as regarded her position as being
changed too   We have no reason to doubt  Mr  Copperfield  that you
are a young gentleman possessed of good qualities and honourable
character  or that you have an affection   or are fully persuaded
that you have an affection   for our niece  

I replied  as I usually did whenever I had a chance  that nobody
had ever loved anybody else as I loved Dora   Traddles came to my
assistance with a confirmatory murmur 

Miss Lavinia was going on to make some rejoinder  when Miss
Clarissa  who appeared to be incessantly beset by a desire to refer
to her brother Francis  struck in again 

 If Dora s mama   she said   when she married our brother Francis 
had at once said that there was not room for the family at the
dinner table  it would have been better for the happiness of all
parties  

 Sister Clarissa   said Miss Lavinia    Perhaps we needn t mind
that now  

 Sister Lavinia   said Miss Clarissa   it belongs to the subject 
With your branch of the subject  on which alone you are competent
to speak  I should not think of interfering   On this branch of the
subject I have a voice and an opinion   It would have been better
for the happiness of all parties  if Dora s mama  when she married
our brother Francis  had mentioned plainly what her intentions
were   We should then have known what we had to expect   We should
have said  Pray do not invite us  at any time   and all possibility
of misunderstanding would have been avoided  

When Miss Clarissa had shaken her head  Miss Lavinia resumed  again
referring to my letter through her eye glass   They both had little
bright round twinkling eyes  by the way  which were like birds 
eyes   They were not unlike birds  altogether  having a sharp 
brisk  sudden manner  and a little short  spruce way of adjusting
themselves  like canaries 

Miss Lavinia  as I have said  resumed 

 You ask permission of my sister Clarissa and myself  Mr 
Copperfield  to visit here  as the accepted suitor of our niece  

 If our brother Francis   said Miss Clarissa  breaking out again 
if I may call anything so calm a breaking out   wished to surround
himself with an atmosphere of Doctors  Commons  and of Doctors 
Commons only  what right or desire had we to object   None  I am
sure   We have ever been far from wishing to obtrude ourselves on
anyone   But why not say so   Let our brother Francis and his wife
have their society   Let my sister Lavinia and myself have our
society   We can find it for ourselves  I hope  

As this appeared to be addressed to Traddles and me  both Traddles
and I made some sort of reply   Traddles was inaudible   I think I
observed  myself  that it was highly creditable to all concerned 
I don t in the least know what I meant 

 Sister Lavinia   said Miss Clarissa  having now relieved her mind 
 you can go on  my dear  

Miss Lavinia proceeded 

 Mr  Copperfield  my sister Clarissa and I have been very careful
indeed in considering this letter  and we have not considered it
without finally showing it to our niece  and discussing it with our
niece   We have no doubt that you think you like her very much  

 Think  ma am   I rapturously began   oh    

But Miss Clarissa giving me a look  just like a sharp canary   as
requesting that I would not interrupt the oracle  I begged pardon 

 Affection   said Miss Lavinia  glancing at her sister for
corroboration  which she gave in the form of a little nod to every
clause   mature affection  homage  devotion  does not easily
express itself   Its voice is low   It is modest and retiring  it
lies in ambush  waits and waits   Such is the mature fruit 
Sometimes a life glides away  and finds it still ripening in the
shade  

Of course I did not understand then that this was an allusion to
her supposed experience of the stricken Pidger  but I saw  from the
gravity with which Miss Clarissa nodded her head  that great weight
was attached to these words 

 The light   for I call them  in comparison with such sentiments 
the light   inclinations of very young people   pursued Miss
Lavinia   are dust  compared to rocks   It is owing to the
difficulty of knowing whether they are likely to endure or have any
real foundation  that my sister Clarissa and myself have been very
undecided how to act  Mr  Copperfield  and Mr    

 Traddles   said my friend  finding himself looked at 

 I beg pardon   Of the Inner Temple  I believe   said Miss
Clarissa  again glancing at my letter 

Traddles said  Exactly so   and became pretty red in the face 

Now  although I had not received any express encouragement as yet 
I fancied that I saw in the two little sisters  and particularly in
Miss Lavinia  an intensified enjoyment of this new and fruitful
subject of domestic interest  a settling down to make the most of
it  a disposition to pet it  in which there was a good bright ray
of hope   I thought I perceived that Miss Lavinia would have
uncommon satisfaction in superintending two young lovers  like Dora
and me  and that Miss Clarissa would have hardly less satisfaction
in seeing her superintend us  and in chiming in with her own
particular department of the subject whenever that impulse was
strong upon her   This gave me courage to protest most vehemently
that I loved Dora better than I could tell  or anyone believe  that
all my friends knew how I loved her  that my aunt  Agnes  Traddles 
everyone who knew me  knew how I loved her  and how earnest my love
had made me   For the truth of this  I appealed to Traddles   And
Traddles  firing up as if he were plunging into a Parliamentary
Debate  really did come out nobly  confirming me in good round
terms  and in a plain sensible practical manner  that evidently
made a favourable impression 

 I speak  if I may presume to say so  as one who has some little
experience of such things   said Traddles   being myself engaged to
a young lady   one of ten  down in Devonshire   and seeing no
probability  at present  of our engagement coming to a
termination  

 You may be able to confirm what I have said  Mr  Traddles  
observed Miss Lavinia  evidently taking a new interest in him   of
the affection that is modest and retiring  that waits and waits  

 Entirely  ma am   said Traddles 

Miss Clarissa looked at Miss Lavinia  and shook her head gravely 
Miss Lavinia looked consciously at Miss Clarissa  and heaved a
little sigh 
 Sister Lavinia   said Miss Clarissa   take my smelling bottle  

Miss Lavinia revived herself with a few whiffs of aromatic vinegar
  Traddles and I looking on with great solicitude the while  and
then went on to say  rather faintly 

 My sister and myself have been in great doubt  Mr  Traddles  what
course we ought to take in reference to the likings  or imaginary
likings  of such very young people as your friend Mr  Copperfield
and our niece  

 Our brother Francis s child   remarked Miss Clarissa    If our
brother Francis s wife had found it convenient in her lifetime
 though she had an unquestionable right to act as she thought best 
to invite the family to her dinner table  we might have known our
brother Francis s child better at the present moment   Sister
Lavinia  proceed  

Miss Lavinia turned my letter  so as to bring the superscription
towards herself  and referred through her eye glass to some
orderly looking notes she had made on that part of it 

 It seems to us   said she   prudent  Mr  Traddles  to bring these
feelings to the test of our own observation   At present we know
nothing of them  and are not in a situation to judge how much
reality there may be in them   Therefore we are inclined so far to
accede to Mr  Copperfield s proposal  as to admit his visits here  

 I shall never  dear ladies   I exclaimed  relieved of an immense
load of apprehension   forget your kindness  

 But   pursued Miss Lavinia     but  we would prefer to regard
those visits  Mr  Traddles  as made  at present  to us   We must
guard ourselves from recognizing any positive engagement between
Mr  Copperfield and our niece  until we have had an opportunity   

 Until YOU have had an opportunity  sister Lavinia   said Miss
Clarissa 

 Be it so   assented Miss Lavinia  with a sigh    until I have had
an opportunity of observing them  

 Copperfield   said Traddles  turning to me   you feel  I am sure 
that nothing could be more reasonable or considerate  

 Nothing   cried I    I am deeply sensible of it  

 In this position of affairs   said Miss Lavinia  again referring
to her notes   and admitting his visits on this understanding only 
we must require from Mr  Copperfield a distinct assurance  on his
word of honour  that no communication of any kind shall take place
between him and our niece without our knowledge   That no project
whatever shall be entertained with regard to our niece  without
being first submitted to us   
 To you  sister Lavinia   Miss Clarissa interposed 

 Be it so  Clarissa   assented Miss Lavinia resignedly    to me  
and receiving our concurrence   We must make this a most express
and serious stipulation  not to be broken on any account   We
wished Mr  Copperfield to be accompanied by some confidential
friend today   with an inclination of her head towards Traddles 
who bowed   in order that there might be no doubt or misconception
on this subject   If Mr  Copperfield  or if you  Mr  Traddles  feel
the least scruple  in giving this promise  I beg you to take time
to consider it  

I exclaimed  in a state of high ecstatic fervour  that not a
moment s consideration could be necessary   I bound myself by the
required promise  in a most impassioned manner  called upon
Traddles to witness it  and denounced myself as the most atrocious
of characters if I ever swerved from it in the least degree 

 Stay   said Miss Lavinia  holding up her hand   we resolved 
before we had the pleasure of receiving you two gentlemen  to leave
you alone for a quarter of an hour  to consider this point   You
will allow us to retire  

It was in vain for me to say that no consideration was necessary 
They persisted in withdrawing for the specified time   Accordingly 
these little birds hopped out with great dignity  leaving me to
receive the congratulations of Traddles  and to feel as if I were
translated to regions of exquisite happiness   Exactly at the
expiration of the quarter of an hour  they reappeared with no less
dignity than they had disappeared   They had gone rustling away as
if their little dresses were made of autumn leaves  and they came
rustling back  in like manner 

I then bound myself once more to the prescribed conditions 

 Sister Clarissa   said Miss Lavinia   the rest is with you  

Miss Clarissa  unfolding her arms for the first time  took the
notes and glanced at them 

 We shall be happy   said Miss Clarissa   to see Mr  Copperfield to
dinner  every Sunday  if it should suit his convenience   Our hour
is three  

I bowed 

 In the course of the week   said Miss Clarissa   we shall be happy
to see Mr  Copperfield to tea   Our hour is half past six  

I bowed again 

 Twice in the week   said Miss Clarissa   but  as a rule  not
oftener  

I bowed again 

 Miss Trotwood   said Miss Clarissa   mentioned in Mr 
Copperfield s letter  will perhaps call upon us   When visiting is
better for the happiness of all parties  we are glad to receive
visits  and return them   When it is better for the happiness of
all parties that no visiting should take place   as in the case of
our brother Francis  and his establishment  that is quite
different  

I intimated that my aunt would be proud and delighted to make their
acquaintance  though I must say I was not quite sure of their
getting on very satisfactorily together   The conditions being now
closed  I expressed my acknowledgements in the warmest manner  and 
taking the hand  first of Miss Clarissa  and then of Miss Lavinia 
pressed it  in each case  to my lips 

Miss Lavinia then arose  and begging Mr  Traddles to excuse us for
a minute  requested me to follow her   I obeyed  all in a tremble 
and was conducted into another room   There I found my blessed
darling stopping her ears behind the door  with her dear little
face against the wall  and Jip in the plate warmer with his head
tied up in a towel 

Oh   How beautiful she was in her black frock  and how she sobbed
and cried at first  and wouldn t come out from behind the door 
How fond we were of one another  when she did come out at last  and
what a state of bliss I was in  when we took Jip out of the
plate warmer  and restored him to the light  sneezing very much 
and were all three reunited 

 My dearest Dora   Now  indeed  my own for ever  

 Oh  DON T   pleaded Dora    Please  

 Are you not my own for ever  Dora  

 Oh yes  of course I am   cried Dora   but I am so frightened  

 Frightened  my own  

 Oh yes   I don t like him   said Dora    Why don t he go  

 Who  my life  

 Your friend   said Dora    It isn t any business of his   What a
stupid he must be  

 My love    There never was anything so coaxing as her childish
ways    He is the best creature  

 Oh  but we don t want any best creatures   pouted Dora 

 My dear   I argued   you will soon know him well  and like him of
all things   And here is my aunt coming soon  and you ll like her
of all things too  when you know her  

 No  please don t bring her   said Dora  giving me a horrified
little kiss  and folding her hands    Don t   I know she s a
naughty  mischief making old thing   Don t let her come here 
Doady   which was a corruption of David 

Remonstrance was of no use  then  so I laughed  and admired  and
was very much in love and very happy  and she showed me Jip s new
trick of standing on his hind legs in a corner   which he did for
about the space of a flash of lightning  and then fell down   and
I don t know how long I should have stayed there  oblivious of
Traddles  if Miss Lavinia had not come in to take me away   Miss
Lavinia was very fond of Dora  she told me Dora was exactly like
what she had been herself at her age   she must have altered a good
deal   and she treated Dora just as if she had been a toy   I
wanted to persuade Dora to come and see Traddles  but on my
proposing it she ran off to her own room and locked herself in  so
I went to Traddles without her  and walked away with him on air 

 Nothing could be more satisfactory   said Traddles   and they are
very agreeable old ladies  I am sure   I shouldn t be at all
surprised if you were to be married years before me  Copperfield  

 Does your Sophy play on any instrument  Traddles   I inquired  in
the pride of my heart 

 She knows enough of the piano to teach it to her little sisters  
said Traddles 

 Does she sing at all   I asked 

 Why  she sings ballads  sometimes  to freshen up the others a
little when they re out of spirits   said Traddles    Nothing
scientific  

 She doesn t sing to the guitar   said I 

 Oh dear no   said Traddles 

 Paint at all  

 Not at all   said Traddles 

I promised Traddles that he should hear Dora sing  and see some of
her flower painting   He said he should like it very much  and we
went home arm in arm in great good humour and delight   I
encouraged him to talk about Sophy  on the way  which he did with
a loving reliance on her that I very much admired   I compared her
in my mind with Dora  with considerable inward satisfaction  but I
candidly admitted to myself that she seemed to be an excellent kind
of girl for Traddles  too 

Of course my aunt was immediately made acquainted with the
successful issue of the conference  and with all that had been said
and done in the course of it   She was happy to see me so happy 
and promised to call on Dora s aunts without loss of time   But she
took such a long walk up and down our rooms that night  while I was
writing to Agnes  that I began to think she meant to walk till
morning 

My letter to Agnes was a fervent and grateful one  narrating all
the good effects that had resulted from my following her advice 
She wrote  by return of post  to me   Her letter was hopeful 
earnest  and cheerful   She was always cheerful from that time 

I had my hands more full than ever  now   My daily journeys to
Highgate considered  Putney was a long way off  and I naturally
wanted to go there as often as I could   The proposed tea drinkings
being quite impracticable  I compounded with Miss Lavinia for
permission to visit every Saturday afternoon  without detriment to
my privileged Sundays   So  the close of every week was a delicious
time for me  and I got through the rest of the week by looking
forward to it 

I was wonderfully relieved to find that my aunt and Dora s aunts
rubbed on  all things considered  much more smoothly than I could
have expected   My aunt made her promised visit within a few days
of the conference  and within a few more days  Dora s aunts called
upon her  in due state and form   Similar but more friendly
exchanges took place afterwards  usually at intervals of three or
four weeks   I know that my aunt distressed Dora s aunts very much 
by utterly setting at naught the dignity of fly conveyance  and
walking out to Putney at extraordinary times  as shortly after
breakfast or just before tea  likewise by wearing her bonnet in any
manner that happened to be comfortable to her head  without at all
deferring to the prejudices of civilization on that subject   But
Dora s aunts soon agreed to regard my aunt as an eccentric and
somewhat masculine lady  with a strong understanding  and although
my aunt occasionally ruffled the feathers of Dora s aunts  by
expressing heretical opinions on various points of ceremony  she
loved me too well not to sacrifice some of her little peculiarities
to the general harmony 

The only member of our small society who positively refused to
adapt himself to circumstances  was Jip   He never saw my aunt
without immediately displaying every tooth in his head  retiring
under a chair  and growling incessantly  with now and then a
doleful howl  as if she really were too much for his feelings   All
kinds of treatment were tried with him  coaxing  scolding 
slapping  bringing him to Buckingham Street  where he instantly
dashed at the two cats  to the terror of all beholders   but he
never could prevail upon himself to bear my aunt s society   He
would sometimes think he had got the better of his objection  and
be amiable for a few minutes  and then would put up his snub nose 
and howl to that extent  that there was nothing for it but to blind
him and put him in the plate warmer   At length  Dora regularly
muffled him in a towel and shut him up there  whenever my aunt was
reported at the door 

One thing troubled me much  after we had fallen into this quiet
train   It was  that Dora seemed by one consent to be regarded like
a pretty toy or plaything   My aunt  with whom she gradually became
familiar  always called her Little Blossom  and the pleasure of
Miss Lavinia s life was to wait upon her  curl her hair  make
ornaments for her  and treat her like a pet child   What Miss
Lavinia did  her sister did as a matter of course   It was very odd
to me  but they all seemed to treat Dora  in her degree  much as
Dora treated Jip in his 

I made up my mind to speak to Dora about this  and one day when we
were out walking  for we were licensed by Miss Lavinia  after a
while  to go out walking by ourselves   I said to her that I wished
she could get them to behave towards her differently 

 Because you know  my darling   I remonstrated   you are not a
child  

 There   said Dora    Now you re going to be cross  

 Cross  my love  

 I am sure they re very kind to me   said Dora   and I am very
happy   

 Well   But my dearest life   said I   you might be very happy  and
yet be treated rationally  

Dora gave me a reproachful look   the prettiest look    and then
began to sob  saying  if I didn t like her  why had I ever wanted
so much to be engaged to her   And why didn t I go away  now  if I
couldn t bear her 

What could I do  but kiss away her tears  and tell her how I doted
on her  after that 

 I am sure I am very affectionate   said Dora   you oughtn t to be
cruel to me  Doady  

 Cruel  my precious love   As if I would   or could   be cruel to
you  for the world  

 Then don t find fault with me   said Dora  making a rosebud of her
mouth   and I ll be good  

I was charmed by her presently asking me  of her own accord  to
give her that cookery book I had once spoken of  and to show her
how to keep accounts as I had once promised I would   I brought the
volume with me on my next visit  I got it prettily bound  first  to
make it look less dry and more inviting   and as we strolled about
the Common  I showed her an old housekeeping book of my aunt s  and
gave her a set of tablets  and a pretty little pencil case and box
of leads  to practise housekeeping with 

But the cookery book made Dora s head ache  and the figures made
her cry   They wouldn t add up  she said   So she rubbed them out 
and drew little nosegays and likenesses of me and Jip  all over the
tablets 

Then I playfully tried verbal instruction in domestic matters  as
we walked about on a Saturday afternoon   Sometimes  for example 
when we passed a butcher s shop  I would say 

 Now suppose  my pet  that we were married  and you were going to
buy a shoulder of mutton for dinner  would you know how to buy it  

My pretty little Dora s face would fall  and she would make her
mouth into a bud again  as if she would very much prefer to shut
mine with a kiss 

 Would you know how to buy it  my darling   I would repeat 
perhaps  if I were very inflexible 

Dora would think a little  and then reply  perhaps  with great
triumph 

 Why  the butcher would know how to sell it  and what need I know 
Oh  you silly boy  

So  when I once asked Dora  with an eye to the cookery book  what
she would do  if we were married  and I were to say I should like
a nice Irish stew  she replied that she would tell the servant to
make it  and then clapped her little hands together across my arm 
and laughed in such a charming manner that she was more delightful
than ever 

Consequently  the principal use to which the cookery book was
devoted  was being put down in the corner for Jip to stand upon 
But Dora was so pleased  when she had trained him to stand upon it
without offering to come off  and at the same time to hold the
pencil case in his mouth  that I was very glad I had bought it 

And we fell back on the guitar case  and the flower painting  and
the songs about never leaving off dancing  Ta ra la  and were as
happy as the week was long   I occasionally wished I could venture
to hint to Miss Lavinia  that she treated the darling of my heart
a little too much like a plaything  and I sometimes awoke  as it
were  wondering to find that I had fallen into the general fault 
and treated her like a plaything too   but not often 



CHAPTER   
MISCHIEF

I feel as if it were not for me to record  even though this
manuscript is intended for no eyes but mine  how hard I worked at
that tremendous short hand  and all improvement appertaining to it 
in my sense of responsibility to Dora and her aunts   I will only
add  to what I have already written of my perseverance at this time
of my life  and of a patient and continuous energy which then began
to be matured within me  and which I know to be the strong part of
my character  if it have any strength at all  that there  on
looking back  I find the source of my success   I have been very
fortunate in worldly matters  many men have worked much harder  and
not succeeded half so well  but I never could have done what I have
done  without the habits of punctuality  order  and diligence 
without the determination to concentrate myself on one object at a
time  no matter how quickly its successor should come upon its
heels  which I then formed   Heaven knows I write this  in no
spirit of self laudation   The man who reviews his own life  as I
do mine  in going on here  from page to page  had need to have been
a good man indeed  if he would be spared the sharp consciousness of
many talents neglected  many opportunities wasted  many erratic and
perverted feelings constantly at war within his breast  and
defeating him   I do not hold one natural gift  I dare say  that I
have not abused   My meaning simply is  that whatever I have tried
to do in life  I have tried with all my heart to do well  that
whatever I have devoted myself to  I have devoted myself to
completely  that in great aims and in small  I have always been
thoroughly in earnest   I have never believed it possible that any
natural or improved ability can claim immunity from the
companionship of the steady  plain  hard working qualities  and
hope to gain its end   There is no such thing as such fulfilment on
this earth   Some happy talent  and some fortunate opportunity  may
form the two sides of the ladder on which some men mount  but the
rounds of that ladder must be made of stuff to stand wear and tear 
and there is no substitute for thorough going  ardent  and sincere
earnestness   Never to put one hand to anything  on which I could
throw my whole self  and never to affect depreciation of my work 
whatever it was  I find  now  to have been my golden rules 

How much of the practice I have just reduced to precept  I owe to
Agnes  I will not repeat here   My narrative proceeds to Agnes 
with a thankful love 

She came on a visit of a fortnight to the Doctor s   Mr  Wickfield
was the Doctor s old friend  and the Doctor wished to talk with
him  and do him good   It had been matter of conversation with
Agnes when she was last in town  and this visit was the result 
She and her father came together   I was not much surprised to hear
from her that she had engaged to find a lodging in the
neighbourhood for Mrs  Heep  whose rheumatic complaint required
change of air  and who would be charmed to have it in such company 
Neither was I surprised when  on the very next day  Uriah  like a
dutiful son  brought his worthy mother to take possession 

 You see  Master Copperfield   said he  as he forced himself upon
my company for a turn in the Doctor s garden   where a person
loves  a person is a little jealous   leastways  anxious to keep an
eye on the beloved one  

 Of whom are you jealous  now   said I 

 Thanks to you  Master Copperfield   he returned   of no one in
particular just at present   no male person  at least  

 Do you mean that you are jealous of a female person  

He gave me a sidelong glance out of his sinister red eyes  and
laughed 

 Really  Master Copperfield   he said     I should say Mister  but
I know you ll excuse the abit I ve got into   you re so
insinuating  that you draw me like a corkscrew   Well  I don t mind
telling you   putting his fish like hand on mine   I m not a lady s
man in general  sir  and I never was  with Mrs  Strong  

His eyes looked green now  as they watched mine with a rascally
cunning 

 What do you mean   said I 

 Why  though I am a lawyer  Master Copperfield   he replied  with
a dry grin   I mean  just at present  what I say  

 And what do you mean by your look   I retorted  quietly 

 By my look   Dear me  Copperfield  that s sharp practice   What do
I mean by my look  

 Yes   said I    By your look  

He seemed very much amused  and laughed as heartily as it was in
his nature to laugh   After some scraping of his chin with his
hand  he went on to say  with his eyes cast downward   still
scraping  very slowly 

 When I was but an umble clerk  she always looked down upon me 
She was for ever having my Agnes backwards and forwards at her
ouse  and she was for ever being a friend to you  Master
Copperfield  but I was too far beneath her  myself  to be noticed  

 Well   said I   suppose you were  

   And beneath him too   pursued Uriah  very distinctly  and in a
meditative tone of voice  as he continued to scrape his chin 

 Don t you know the Doctor better   said I   than to suppose him
conscious of your existence  when you were not before him  

He directed his eyes at me in that sidelong glance again  and he
made his face very lantern jawed  for the greater convenience of
scraping  as he answered 

 Oh dear  I am not referring to the Doctor   Oh no  poor man   I
mean Mr  Maldon  

My heart quite died within me   All my old doubts and apprehensions
on that subject  all the Doctor s happiness and peace  all the
mingled possibilities of innocence and compromise  that I could not
unravel  I saw  in a moment  at the mercy of this fellow s
twisting 

 He never could come into the office  without ordering and shoving
me about   said Uriah    One of your fine gentlemen he was   I was
very meek and umble   and I am   But I didn t like that sort of
thing   and I don t  

He left off scraping his chin  and sucked in his cheeks until they
seemed to meet inside  keeping his sidelong glance upon me all the
while 

 She is one of your lovely women  she is   he pursued  when he had
slowly restored his face to its natural form   and ready to be no
friend to such as me  I know   She s just the person as would put
my Agnes up to higher sort of game   Now  I ain t one of your
lady s men  Master Copperfield  but I ve had eyes in my ed  a
pretty long time back   We umble ones have got eyes  mostly
speaking   and we look out of  em  

I endeavoured to appear unconscious and not disquieted  but  I saw
in his face  with poor success 

 Now  I m not a going to let myself be run down  Copperfield   he
continued  raising that part of his countenance  where his red
eyebrows would have been if he had had any  with malignant triumph 
 and I shall do what I can to put a stop to this friendship   I
don t approve of it   I don t mind acknowledging to you that I ve
got rather a grudging disposition  and want to keep off all
intruders   I ain t a going  if I know it  to run the risk of being
plotted against  

 You are always plotting  and delude yourself into the belief that
everybody else is doing the like  I think   said I 

 Perhaps so  Master Copperfield   he replied    But I ve got a
motive  as my fellow partner used to say  and I go at it tooth and
nail   I mustn t be put upon  as a numble person  too much   I
can t allow people in my way   Really they must come out of the
cart  Master Copperfield  

 I don t understand you   said I 

 Don t you  though   he returned  with one of his jerks    I m
astonished at that  Master Copperfield  you being usually so quick 
I ll try to be plainer  another time     Is that Mr  Maldon
a norseback  ringing at the gate  sir  

 It looks like him   I replied  as carelessly as I could 

Uriah stopped short  put his hands between his great knobs of
knees  and doubled himself up with laughter   With perfectly silent
laughter   Not a sound escaped from him   I was so repelled by his
odious behaviour  particularly by this concluding instance  that I
turned away without any ceremony  and left him doubled up in the
middle of the garden  like a scarecrow in want of support 

It was not on that evening  but  as I well remember  on the next
evening but one  which was a Sunday  that I took Agnes to see Dora 
I had arranged the visit  beforehand  with Miss Lavinia  and Agnes
was expected to tea 

I was in a flutter of pride and anxiety  pride in my dear little
betrothed  and anxiety that Agnes should like her   All the way to
Putney  Agnes being inside the stage coach  and I outside  I
pictured Dora to myself in every one of the pretty looks I knew so
well  now making up my mind that I should like her to look exactly
as she looked at such a time  and then doubting whether I should
not prefer her looking as she looked at such another time  and
almost worrying myself into a fever about it 

I was troubled by no doubt of her being very pretty  in any case 
but it fell out that I had never seen her look so well   She was
not in the drawing room when I presented Agnes to her little aunts 
but was shyly keeping out of the way   I knew where to look for
her  now  and sure enough I found her stopping her ears again 
behind the same dull old door 

At first she wouldn t come at all  and then she pleaded for five
minutes by my watch   When at length she put her arm through mine 
to be taken to the drawing room  her charming little face was
flushed  and had never been so pretty   But  when we went into the
room  and it turned pale  she was ten thousand times prettier yet 

Dora was afraid of Agnes   She had told me that she knew Agnes was
 too clever    But when she saw her looking at once so cheerful and
so earnest  and so thoughtful  and so good  she gave a faint little
cry of pleased surprise  and just put her affectionate arms round
Agnes s neck  and laid her innocent cheek against her face 

I never was so happy   I never was so pleased as when I saw those
two sit down together  side by side   As when I saw my little
darling looking up so naturally to those cordial eyes   As when I
saw the tender  beautiful regard which Agnes cast upon her 

Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa partook  in their way  of my joy 
It was the pleasantest tea table in the world   Miss Clarissa
presided   I cut and handed the sweet seed cake   the little
sisters had a bird like fondness for picking up seeds and pecking
at sugar  Miss Lavinia looked on with benignant patronage  as if
our happy love were all her work  and we were perfectly contented
with ourselves and one another 

The gentle cheerfulness of Agnes went to all their hearts   Her
quiet interest in everything that interested Dora  her manner of
making acquaintance with Jip  who responded instantly   her
pleasant way  when Dora was ashamed to come over to her usual seat
by me  her modest grace and ease  eliciting a crowd of blushing
little marks of confidence from Dora  seemed to make our circle
quite complete 

 I am so glad   said Dora  after tea   that you like me   I didn t
think you would  and I want  more than ever  to be liked  now Julia
Mills is gone  

I have omitted to mention it  by the by   Miss Mills had sailed 
and Dora and I had gone aboard a great East Indiaman at Gravesend
to see her  and we had had preserved ginger  and guava  and other
delicacies of that sort for lunch  and we had left Miss Mills
weeping on a camp stool on the quarter deck  with a large new diary
under her arm  in which the original reflections awakened by the
contemplation of Ocean were to be recorded under lock and key 

Agnes said she was afraid I must have given her an unpromising
character  but Dora corrected that directly 

 Oh no   she said  shaking her curls at me   it was all praise   He
thinks so much of your opinion  that I was quite afraid of it  

 My good opinion cannot strengthen his attachment to some people
whom he knows   said Agnes  with a smile   it is not worth their
having  

 But please let me have it   said Dora  in her coaxing way   if you
can  

We made merry about Dora s wanting to be liked  and Dora said I was
a goose  and she didn t like me at any rate  and the short evening
flew away on gossamer wings   The time was at hand when the coach
was to call for us   I was standing alone before the fire  when
Dora came stealing softly in  to give me that usual precious little
kiss before I went 

 Don t you think  if I had had her for a friend a long time ago 
Doady   said Dora  her bright eyes shining very brightly  and her
little right hand idly busying itself with one of the buttons of my
coat   I might have been more clever perhaps  

 My love   said I   what nonsense  

 Do you think it is nonsense   returned Dora  without looking at
me    Are you sure it is  

 Of course I am  
 I have forgotten   said Dora  still turning the button round and
round   what relation Agnes is to you  you dear bad boy  

 No blood relation   I replied   but we were brought up together 
like brother and sister  

 I wonder why you ever fell in love with me   said Dora  beginning
on another button of my coat 

 Perhaps because I couldn t see you  and not love you  Dora  

 Suppose you had never seen me at all   said Dora  going to another
button 

 Suppose we had never been born   said I  gaily 

I wondered what she was thinking about  as I glanced in admiring
silence at the little soft hand travelling up the row of buttons on
my coat  and at the clustering hair that lay against my breast  and
at the lashes of her downcast eyes  slightly rising as they
followed her idle fingers   At length her eyes were lifted up to
mine  and she stood on tiptoe to give me  more thoughtfully than
usual  that precious little kiss   once  twice  three times   and
went out of the room 

They all came back together within five minutes afterwards  and
Dora s unusual thoughtfulness was quite gone then   She was
laughingly resolved to put Jip through the whole of his
performances  before the coach came   They took some time  not so
much on account of their variety  as Jip s reluctance   and were
still unfinished when it was heard at the door   There was a
hurried but affectionate parting between Agnes and herself  and
Dora was to write to Agnes  who was not to mind her letters being
foolish  she said   and Agnes was to write to Dora  and they had a
second parting at the coach door  and a third when Dora  in spite
of the remonstrances of Miss Lavinia  would come running out once
more to remind Agnes at the coach window about writing  and to
shake her curls at me on the box 

The stage coach was to put us down near Covent Garden  where we
were to take another stage coach for Highgate   I was impatient for
the short walk in the interval  that Agnes might praise Dora to me 
Ah  what praise it was   How lovingly and fervently did it commend
the pretty creature I had won  with all her artless graces best
displayed  to my most gentle care   How thoughtfully remind me  yet
with no pretence of doing so  of the trust in which I held the
orphan child 

Never  never  had I loved Dora so deeply and truly  as I loved her
that night   When we had again alighted  and were walking in the
starlight along the quiet road that led to the Doctor s house  I
told Agnes it was her doing 

 When you were sitting by her   said I   you seemed to be no less
her guardian angel than mine  and you seem so now  Agnes  

 A poor angel   she returned   but faithful  

The clear tone of her voice  going straight to my heart  made it
natural to me to say 

 The cheerfulness that belongs to you  Agnes  and to no one else
that ever I have seen   is so restored  I have observed today  that
I have begun to hope you are happier at home  

 I am happier in myself   she said   I am quite cheerful and
light hearted  

I glanced at the serene face looking upward  and thought it was the
stars that made it seem so noble 

 There has been no change at home   said Agnes  after a few
moments 

 No fresh reference   said I   to   I wouldn t distress you  Agnes 
but I cannot help asking   to what we spoke of  when we parted
last  

 No  none   she answered 

 I have thought so much about it  

 You must think less about it   Remember that I confide in simple
love and truth at last   Have no apprehensions for me  Trotwood  
she added  after a moment   the step you dread my taking  I shall
never take  

Although I think I had never really feared it  in any season of
cool reflection  it was an unspeakable relief to me to have this
assurance from her own truthful lips   I told her so  earnestly 

 And when this visit is over   said I     for we may not be alone
another time    how long is it likely to be  my dear Agnes  before
you come to London again  

 Probably a long time   she replied   I think it will be best   for
papa s sake   to remain at home   We are not likely to meet often 
for some time to come  but I shall be a good correspondent of
Dora s  and we shall frequently hear of one another that way  

We were now within the little courtyard of the Doctor s cottage 
It was growing late   There was a light in the window of Mrs 
Strong s chamber  and Agnes  pointing to it  bade me good night 

 Do not be troubled   she said  giving me her hand   by our
misfortunes and anxieties   I can be happier in nothing than in
your happiness   If you can ever give me help  rely upon it I will
ask you for it   God bless you always  
In her beaming smile  and in these last tones of her cheerful
voice  I seemed again to see and hear my little Dora in her
company   I stood awhile  looking through the porch at the stars 
with a heart full of love and gratitude  and then walked slowly
forth   I had engaged a bed at a decent alehouse close by  and was
going out at the gate  when  happening to turn my head  I saw a
light in the Doctor s study   A half reproachful fancy came into my
mind  that he had been working at the Dictionary without my help 
With the view of seeing if this were so  and  in any case  of
bidding him good night  if he were yet sitting among his books  I
turned back  and going softly across the hall  and gently opening
the door  looked in 

The first person whom I saw  to my surprise  by the sober light of
the shaded lamp  was Uriah   He was standing close beside it  with
one of his skeleton hands over his mouth  and the other resting on
the Doctor s table   The Doctor sat in his study chair  covering
his face with his hands   Mr  Wickfield  sorely troubled and
distressed  was leaning forward  irresolutely touching the Doctor s
arm 

For an instant  I supposed that the Doctor was ill   I hastily
advanced a step under that impression  when I met Uriah s eye  and
saw what was the matter   I would have withdrawn  but the Doctor
made a gesture to detain me  and I remained 

 At any rate   observed Uriah  with a writhe of his ungainly
person   we may keep the door shut   We needn t make it known to
ALL the town  

Saying which  he went on his toes to the door  which I had left
open  and carefully closed it   He then came back  and took up his
former position   There was an obtrusive show of compassionate zeal
in his voice and manner  more intolerable   at least to me   than
any demeanour he could have assumed 

 I have felt it incumbent upon me  Master Copperfield   said Uriah 
 to point out to Doctor Strong what you and me have already talked
about   You didn t exactly understand me  though  

I gave him a look  but no other answer  and  going to my good old
master  said a few words that I meant to be words of comfort and
encouragement   He put his hand upon my shoulder  as it had been
his custom to do when I was quite a little fellow  but did not lift
his grey head 

 As you didn t understand me  Master Copperfield   resumed Uriah in
the same officious manner   I may take the liberty of umbly
mentioning  being among friends  that I have called Doctor Strong s
attention to the goings on of Mrs  Strong   It s much against the
grain with me  I assure you  Copperfield  to be concerned in
anything so unpleasant  but really  as it is  we re all mixing
ourselves up with what oughtn t to be   That was what my meaning
was  sir  when you didn t understand me  
I wonder now  when I recall his leer  that I did not collar him 
and try to shake the breath out of his body 

 I dare say I didn t make myself very clear   he went on   nor you
neither   Naturally  we was both of us inclined to give such a
subject a wide berth   Hows ever  at last I have made up my mind to
speak plain  and I have mentioned to Doctor Strong that   did you
speak  sir  

This was to the Doctor  who had moaned   The sound might have
touched any heart  I thought  but it had no effect upon Uriah s 

   mentioned to Doctor Strong   he proceeded   that anyone may see
that Mr  Maldon  and the lovely and agreeable lady as is Doctor
Strong s wife  are too sweet on one another   Really the time is
come  we being at present all mixing ourselves up with what
oughtn t to be   when Doctor Strong must be told that this was full
as plain to everybody as the sun  before Mr  Maldon went to India 
that Mr  Maldon made excuses to come back  for nothing else  and
that he s always here  for nothing else   When you come in  sir  I
was just putting it to my fellow partner   towards whom he turned 
 to say to Doctor Strong upon his word and honour  whether he d
ever been of this opinion long ago  or not   Come  Mr  Wickfield 
sir   Would you be so good as tell us   Yes or no  sir   Come 
partner  

 For God s sake  my dear Doctor   said Mr  Wickfield again laying
his irresolute hand upon the Doctor s arm   don t attach too much
weight to any suspicions I may have entertained  

 There   cried Uriah  shaking his head    What a melancholy
confirmation  ain t it   Him   Such an old friend   Bless your
soul  when I was nothing but a clerk in his office  Copperfield 
I ve seen him twenty times  if I ve seen him once  quite in a
taking about it   quite put out  you know  and very proper in him
as a father  I m sure I can t blame him   to think that Miss Agnes
was mixing herself up with what oughtn t to be  

 My dear Strong   said Mr  Wickfield in a tremulous voice   my good
friend  I needn t tell you that it has been my vice to look for
some one master motive in everybody  and to try all actions by one
narrow test   I may have fallen into such doubts as I have had 
through this mistake  

 You have had doubts  Wickfield   said the Doctor  without lifting
up his head    You have had doubts  

 Speak up  fellow partner   urged Uriah 

 I had  at one time  certainly   said Mr  Wickfield    I   God
forgive me   I thought YOU had  

 No  no  no   returned the Doctor  in a tone of most pathetic
grief 
 I thought  at one time   said Mr  Wickfield   that you wished to
send Maldon abroad to effect a desirable separation  

 No  no  no   returned the Doctor    To give Annie pleasure  by
making some provision for the companion of her childhood   Nothing
else  

 So I found   said Mr  Wickfield    I couldn t doubt it  when you
told me so   But I thought   I implore you to remember the narrow
construction which has been my besetting sin   that  in a case
where there was so much disparity in point of years   

 That s the way to put it  you see  Master Copperfield   observed
Uriah  with fawning and offensive pity 

   a lady of such youth  and such attractions  however real her
respect for you  might have been influenced in marrying  by worldly
considerations only   I make no allowance for innumerable feelings
and circumstances that may have all tended to good   For Heaven s
sake remember that  

 How kind he puts it   said Uriah  shaking his head 

 Always observing her from one point of view   said Mr  Wickfield 
 but by all that is dear to you  my old friend  I entreat you to
consider what it was  I am forced to confess now  having no escape
  

 No   There s no way out of it  Mr  Wickfield  sir   observed
Uriah   when it s got to this  

   that I did   said Mr  Wickfield  glancing helplessly and
distractedly at his partner   that I did doubt her  and think her
wanting in her duty to you  and that I did sometimes  if I must say
all  feel averse to Agnes being in such a familiar relation towards
her  as to see what I saw  or in my diseased theory fancied that I
saw   I never mentioned this to anyone   I never meant it to be
known to anyone   And though it is terrible to you to hear   said
Mr  Wickfield  quite subdued   if you knew how terrible it is for
me to tell  you would feel compassion for me  

The Doctor  in the perfect goodness of his nature  put out his
hand   Mr  Wickfield held it for a little while in his  with his
head bowed down 

 I am sure   said Uriah  writhing himself into the silence like a
Conger eel   that this is a subject full of unpleasantness to
everybody   But since we have got so far  I ought to take the
liberty of mentioning that Copperfield has noticed it too  

I turned upon him  and asked him how he dared refer to me 

 Oh  it s very kind of you  Copperfield   returned Uriah 
undulating all over   and we all know what an amiable character
yours is  but you know that the moment I spoke to you the other
night  you knew what I meant   You know you knew what I meant 
Copperfield   Don t deny it   You deny it with the best intentions 
but don t do it  Copperfield  

I saw the mild eye of the good old Doctor turned upon me for a
moment  and I felt that the confession of my old misgivings and
remembrances was too plainly written in my face to be overlooked 
It was of no use raging   I could not undo that   Say what I would 
I could not unsay it 

We were silent again  and remained so  until the Doctor rose and
walked twice or thrice across the room   Presently he returned to
where his chair stood  and  leaning on the back of it  and
occasionally putting his handkerchief to his eyes  with a simple
honesty that did him more honour  to my thinking  than any disguise
he could have effected  said 

 I have been much to blame   I believe I have been very much to
blame   I have exposed one whom I hold in my heart  to trials and
aspersions   I call them aspersions  even to have been conceived in
anybody s inmost mind   of which she never  but for me  could have
been the object  

Uriah Heep gave a kind of snivel   I think to express sympathy 

 Of which my Annie   said the Doctor   never  but for me  could
have been the object   Gentlemen  I am old now  as you know  I do
not feel  tonight  that I have much to live for   But my life   my
Life   upon the truth and honour of the dear lady who has been the
subject of this conversation  

I do not think that the best embodiment of chivalry  the
realization of the handsomest and most romantic figure ever
imagined by painter  could have said this  with a more impressive
and affecting dignity than the plain old Doctor did 

 But I am not prepared   he went on   to deny   perhaps I may have
been  without knowing it  in some degree prepared to admit   that
I may have unwittingly ensnared that lady into an unhappy marriage 
I am a man quite unaccustomed to observe  and I cannot but believe
that the observation of several people  of different ages and
positions  all too plainly tending in one direction  and that so
natural   is better than mine  

I had often admired  as I have elsewhere described  his benignant
manner towards his youthful wife  but the respectful tenderness he
manifested in every reference to her on this occasion  and the
almost reverential manner in which he put away from him the
lightest doubt of her integrity  exalted him  in my eyes  beyond
description 

 I married that lady   said the Doctor   when she was extremely
young   I took her to myself when her character was scarcely
formed   So far as it was developed  it had been my happiness to
form it   I knew her father well   I knew her well   I had taught
her what I could  for the love of all her beautiful and virtuous
qualities   If I did her wrong  as I fear I did  in taking
advantage  but I never meant it  of her gratitude and her
affection  I ask pardon of that lady  in my heart  

He walked across the room  and came back to the same place  holding
the chair with a grasp that trembled  like his subdued voice  in
its earnestness 

 I regarded myself as a refuge  for her  from the dangers and
vicissitudes of life   I persuaded myself that  unequal though we
were in years  she would live tranquilly and contentedly with me 
I did not shut out of my consideration the time when I should leave
her free  and still young and still beautiful  but with her
judgement more matured   no  gentlemen   upon my truth  

His homely figure seemed to be lightened up by his fidelity and
generosity   Every word he uttered had a force that no other grace
could have imparted to it 

 My life with this lady has been very happy   Until tonight  I have
had uninterrupted occasion to bless the day on which I did her
great injustice  

His voice  more and more faltering in the utterance of these words 
stopped for a few moments  then he went on 

 Once awakened from my dream   I have been a poor dreamer  in one
way or other  all my life   I see how natural it is that she should
have some regretful feeling towards her old companion and her
equal   That she does regard him with some innocent regret  with
some blameless thoughts of what might have been  but for me  is  I
fear  too true   Much that I have seen  but not noted  has come
back upon me with new meaning  during this last trying hour   But 
beyond this  gentlemen  the dear lady s name never must be coupled
with a word  a breath  of doubt  

For a little while  his eye kindled and his voice was firm  for a
little while he was again silent   Presently  he proceeded as
before 

 It only remains for me  to bear the knowledge of the unhappiness
I have occasioned  as submissively as I can   It is she who should
reproach  not I   To save her from misconstruction  cruel
misconstruction  that even my friends have not been able to avoid 
becomes my duty   The more retired we live  the better I shall
discharge it   And when the time comes   may it come soon  if it be
His merciful pleasure    when my death shall release her from
constraint  I shall close my eyes upon her honoured face  with
unbounded confidence and love  and leave her  with no sorrow then 
to happier and brighter days  

I could not see him for the tears which his earnestness and
goodness  so adorned by  and so adorning  the perfect simplicity of
his manner  brought into my eyes   He had moved to the door  when
he added 

 Gentlemen  I have shown you my heart   I am sure you will respect
it   What we have said tonight is never to be said more 
Wickfield  give me an old friend s arm upstairs  

Mr  Wickfield hastened to him   Without interchanging a word they
went slowly out of the room together  Uriah looking after them 

 Well  Master Copperfield   said Uriah  meekly turning to me    The
thing hasn t took quite the turn that might have been expected  for
the old Scholar   what an excellent man    is as blind as a
brickbat  but this family s out of the cart  I think  

I needed but the sound of his voice to be so madly enraged as I
never was before  and never have been since 

 You villain   said I   what do you mean by entrapping me into your
schemes   How dare you appeal to me just now  you false rascal  as
if we had been in discussion together  

As we stood  front to front  I saw so plainly  in the stealthy
exultation of his face  what I already so plainly knew  I mean that
he forced his confidence upon me  expressly to make me miserable 
and had set a deliberate trap for me in this very matter  that I
couldn t bear it   The whole of his lank cheek was invitingly
before me  and I struck it with my open hand with that force that
my fingers tingled as if I had burnt them 

He caught the hand in his  and we stood in that connexion  looking
at each other   We stood so  a long time  long enough for me to see
the white marks of my fingers die out of the deep red of his cheek 
and leave it a deeper red 

 Copperfield   he said at length  in a breathless voice   have you
taken leave of your senses  

 I have taken leave of you   said I  wresting my hand away    You
dog  I ll know no more of you  

 Won t you   said he  constrained by the pain of his cheek to put
his hand there    Perhaps you won t be able to help it   Isn t this
ungrateful of you  now  

 I have shown you often enough   said I   that I despise you   I
have shown you now  more plainly  that I do   Why should I dread
your doing your worst to all about you   What else do you ever do  

He perfectly understood this allusion to the considerations that
had hitherto restrained me in my communications with him   I rather
think that neither the blow  nor the allusion  would have escaped
me  but for the assurance I had had from Agnes that night   It is
no matter 

There was another long pause   His eyes  as he looked at me  seemed
to take every shade of colour that could make eyes ugly 

 Copperfield   he said  removing his hand from his cheek   you have
always gone against me   I know you always used to be against me at
Mr  Wickfield s  

 You may think what you like   said I  still in a towering rage 
 If it is not true  so much the worthier you  

 And yet I always liked you  Copperfield   he rejoined 

I deigned to make him no reply  and  taking up my hat  was going
out to bed  when he came between me and the door 

 Copperfield   he said   there must be two parties to a quarrel 
I won t be one  

 You may go to the devil   said I 

 Don t say that   he replied    I know you ll be sorry afterwards 
How can you make yourself so inferior to me  as to show such a bad
spirit   But I forgive you  

 You forgive me   I repeated disdainfully 

 I do  and you can t help yourself   replied Uriah    To think of
your going and attacking me  that have always been a friend to you 
But there can t be a quarrel without two parties  and I won t be
one   I will be a friend to you  in spite of you   So now you know
what you ve got to expect  

The necessity of carrying on this dialogue  his part in which was
very slow  mine very quick  in a low tone  that the house might not
be disturbed at an unseasonable hour  did not improve my temper 
though my passion was cooling down   Merely telling him that I
should expect from him what I always had expected  and had never
yet been disappointed in  I opened the door upon him  as if he had
been a great walnut put there to be cracked  and went out of the
house   But he slept out of the house too  at his mother s lodging 
and before I had gone many hundred yards  came up with me 

 You know  Copperfield   he said  in my ear  I did not turn my
head    you re in quite a wrong position   which I felt to be true 
and that made me chafe the more   you can t make this a brave
thing  and you can t help being forgiven   I don t intend to
mention it to mother  nor to any living soul   I m determined to
forgive you   But I do wonder that you should lift your hand
against a person that you knew to be so umble  

I felt only less mean than he   He knew me better than I knew
myself   If he had retorted or openly exasperated me  it would have
been a relief and a justification  but he had put me on a slow
fire  on which I lay tormented half the night 

In the morning  when I came out  the early church bell was ringing 
and he was walking up and down with his mother   He addressed me as
if nothing had happened  and I could do no less than reply   I had
struck him hard enough to give him the toothache  I suppose   At
all events his face was tied up in a black silk handkerchief 
which  with his hat perched on the top of it  was far from
improving his appearance   I heard that he went to a dentist s in
London on the Monday morning  and had a tooth out   I hope it was
a double one 

The Doctor gave out that he was not quite well  and remained alone 
for a considerable part of every day  during the remainder of the
visit   Agnes and her father had been gone a week  before we
resumed our usual work   On the day preceding its resumption  the
Doctor gave me with his own hands a folded note not sealed   It was
addressed to myself  and laid an injunction on me  in a few
affectionate words  never to refer to the subject of that evening 
I had confided it to my aunt  but to no one else   It was not a
subject I could discuss with Agnes  and Agnes certainly had not the
least suspicion of what had passed 

Neither  I felt convinced  had Mrs  Strong then   Several weeks
elapsed before I saw the least change in her   It came on slowly 
like a cloud when there is no wind   At first  she seemed to wonder
at the gentle compassion with which the Doctor spoke to her  and at
his wish that she should have her mother with her  to relieve the
dull monotony of her life   Often  when we were at work  and she
was sitting by  I would see her pausing and looking at him with
that memorable face   Afterwards  I sometimes observed her rise 
with her eyes full of tears  and go out of the room   Gradually  an
unhappy shadow fell upon her beauty  and deepened every day   Mrs 
Markleham was a regular inmate of the cottage then  but she talked
and talked  and saw nothing 

As this change stole on Annie  once like sunshine in the Doctor s
house  the Doctor became older in appearance  and more grave  but
the sweetness of his temper  the placid kindness of his manner  and
his benevolent solicitude for her  if they were capable of any
increase  were increased   I saw him once  early on the morning of
her birthday  when she came to sit in the window while we were at
work  which she had always done  but now began to do with a timid
and uncertain air that I thought very touching   take her forehead
between his hands  kiss it  and go hurriedly away  too much moved
to remain   I saw her stand where he had left her  like a statue 
and then bend down her head  and clasp her hands  and weep  I
cannot say how sorrowfully 

Sometimes  after that  I fancied that she tried to speak even to
me  in intervals when we were left alone   But she never uttered a
word   The Doctor always had some new project for her participating
in amusements away from home  with her mother  and Mrs  Markleham 
who was very fond of amusements  and very easily dissatisfied with
anything else  entered into them with great good will  and was loud
in her commendations   But Annie  in a spiritless unhappy way  only
went whither she was led  and seemed to have no care for anything 

I did not know what to think   Neither did my aunt  who must have
walked  at various times  a hundred miles in her uncertainty   What
was strangest of all was  that the only real relief which seemed to
make its way into the secret region of this domestic unhappiness 
made its way there in the person of Mr  Dick 

What his thoughts were on the subject  or what his observation was 
I am as unable to explain  as I dare say he would have been to
assist me in the task   But  as I have recorded in the narrative of
my school days  his veneration for the Doctor was unbounded  and
there is a subtlety of perception in real attachment  even when it
is borne towards man by one of the lower animals  which leaves the
highest intellect behind   To this mind of the heart  if I may call
it so  in Mr  Dick  some bright ray of the truth shot straight 

He had proudly resumed his privilege  in many of his spare hours 
of walking up and down the garden with the Doctor  as he had been
accustomed to pace up and down The Doctor s Walk at Canterbury 
But matters were no sooner in this state  than he devoted all his
spare time  and got up earlier to make it more  to these
perambulations   If he had never been so happy as when the Doctor
read that marvellous performance  the Dictionary  to him  he was
now quite miserable unless the Doctor pulled it out of his pocket 
and began   When the Doctor and I were engaged  he now fell into
the custom of walking up and down with Mrs  Strong  and helping her
to trim her favourite flowers  or weed the beds   I dare say he
rarely spoke a dozen words in an hour  but his quiet interest  and
his wistful face  found immediate response in both their breasts 
each knew that the other liked him  and that he loved both  and he
became what no one else could be   a link between them 

When I think of him  with his impenetrably wise face  walking up
and down with the Doctor  delighted to be battered by the hard
words in the Dictionary  when I think of him carrying huge
watering pots after Annie  kneeling down  in very paws of gloves 
at patient microscopic work among the little leaves  expressing as
no philosopher could have expressed  in everything he did  a
delicate desire to be her friend  showering sympathy  trustfulness 
and affection  out of every hole in the watering pot  when I think
of him never wandering in that better mind of his to which
unhappiness addressed itself  never bringing the unfortunate King
Charles into the garden  never wavering in his grateful service 
never diverted from his knowledge that there was something wrong 
or from his wish to set it right  I really feel almost ashamed of
having known that he was not quite in his wits  taking account of
the utmost I have done with mine 

 Nobody but myself  Trot  knows what that man is   my aunt would
proudly remark  when we conversed about it    Dick will distinguish
himself yet  

I must refer to one other topic before I close this chapter   While
the visit at the Doctor s was still in progress  I observed that
the postman brought two or three letters every morning for Uriah
Heep  who remained at Highgate until the rest went back  it being
a leisure time  and that these were always directed in a
business like manner by Mr  Micawber  who now assumed a round legal
hand   I was glad to infer  from these slight premises  that Mr 
Micawber was doing well  and consequently was much surprised to
receive  about this time  the following letter from his amiable
wife 



                          CANTERBURY  Monday Evening 

 You will doubtless be surprised  my dear Mr  Copperfield  to
receive this communication   Still more so  by its contents   Still
more so  by the stipulation of implicit confidence which I beg to
impose   But my feelings as a wife and mother require relief  and
as I do not wish to consult my family  already obnoxious to the
feelings of Mr  Micawber   I know no one of whom I can better ask
advice than my friend and former lodger 

 You may be aware  my dear Mr  Copperfield  that between myself and
Mr  Micawber  whom I will never desert   there has always been
preserved a spirit of mutual confidence   Mr  Micawber may have
occasionally given a bill without consulting me  or he may have
misled me as to the period when that obligation would become due 
This has actually happened   But  in general  Mr  Micawber has had
no secrets from the bosom of affection   I allude to his wife   and
has invariably  on our retirement to rest  recalled the events of
the day 

 You will picture to yourself  my dear Mr  Copperfield  what the
poignancy of my feelings must be  when I inform you that Mr 
Micawber is entirely changed   He is reserved   He is secret   His
life is a mystery to the partner of his joys and sorrows   I again
allude to his wife   and if I should assure you that beyond knowing
that it is passed from morning to night at the office  I now know
less of it than I do of the man in the south  connected with whose
mouth the thoughtless children repeat an idle tale respecting cold
plum porridge  I should adopt a popular fallacy to express an
actual fact 

 But this is not all   Mr  Micawber is morose   He is severe   He
is estranged from our eldest son and daughter  he has no pride in
his twins  he looks with an eye of coldness even on the unoffending
stranger who last became a member of our circle   The pecuniary
means of meeting our expenses  kept down to the utmost farthing 
are obtained from him with great difficulty  and even under fearful
threats that he will Settle himself  the exact expression   and he
inexorably refuses to give any explanation whatever of this
distracting policy 

 This is hard to bear   This is heart breaking   If you will advise
me  knowing my feeble powers such as they are  how you think it
will be best to exert them in a dilemma so unwonted  you will add
another friendly obligation to the many you have already rendered
me   With loves from the children  and a smile from the
happily unconscious stranger  I remain  dear Mr  Copperfield 

                              Your afflicted 

                                    EMMA MICAWBER  


I did not feel justified in giving a wife of Mrs  Micawber s
experience any other recommendation  than that she should try to
reclaim Mr  Micawber by patience and kindness  as I knew she would
in any case   but the letter set me thinking about him very much 



CHAPTER   
ANOTHER RETROSPECT


Once again  let me pause upon a memorable period of my life   Let
me stand aside  to see the phantoms of those days go by me 
accompanying the shadow of myself  in dim procession 

Weeks  months  seasons  pass along   They seem little more than a
summer day and a winter evening   Now  the Common where I walk with
Dora is all in bloom  a field of bright gold  and now the unseen
heather lies in mounds and bunches underneath a covering of snow 
In a breath  the river that flows through our Sunday walks is
sparkling in the summer sun  is ruffled by the winter wind  or
thickened with drifting heaps of ice   Faster than ever river ran
towards the sea  it flashes  darkens  and rolls away 

Not a thread changes  in the house of the two little bird like
ladies   The clock ticks over the fireplace  the weather glass
hangs in the hall   Neither clock nor weather glass is ever right 
but we believe in both  devoutly 

I have come legally to man s estate   I have attained the dignity
of twenty one   But this is a sort of dignity that may be thrust
upon one   Let me think what I have achieved 

I have tamed that savage stenographic mystery   I make a
respectable income by it   I am in high repute for my
accomplishment in all pertaining to the art  and am joined with
eleven others in reporting the debates in Parliament for a Morning
Newspaper   Night after night  I record predictions that never come
to pass  professions that are never fulfilled  explanations that
are only meant to mystify   I wallow in words   Britannia  that
unfortunate female  is always before me  like a trussed fowl 
skewered through and through with office pens  and bound hand and
foot with red tape   I am sufficiently behind the scenes to know
the worth of political life   I am quite an Infidel about it  and
shall never be converted 

My dear old Traddles has tried his hand at the same pursuit  but it
is not in Traddles s way   He is perfectly good humoured respecting
his failure  and reminds me that he always did consider himself
slow   He has occasional employment on the same newspaper  in
getting up the facts of dry subjects  to be written about and
embellished by more fertile minds   He is called to the bar  and
with admirable industry and self denial has scraped another hundred
pounds together  to fee a Conveyancer whose chambers he attends 
A great deal of very hot port wine was consumed at his call  and 
considering the figure  I should think the Inner Temple must have
made a profit by it 

I have come out in another way   I have taken with fear and
trembling to authorship   I wrote a little something  in secret 
and sent it to a magazine  and it was published in the magazine 
Since then  I have taken heart to write a good many trifling
pieces   Now  I am regularly paid for them   Altogether  I am well
off  when I tell my income on the fingers of my left hand  I pass
the third finger and take in the fourth to the middle joint 

We have removed  from Buckingham Street  to a pleasant little
cottage very near the one I looked at  when my enthusiasm first
came on   My aunt  however  who has sold the house at Dover  to
good advantage   is not going to remain here  but intends removing
herself to a still more tiny cottage close at hand   What does this
portend   My marriage   Yes 

Yes   I am going to be married to Dora   Miss Lavinia and Miss
Clarissa have given their consent  and if ever canary birds were in
a flutter  they are   Miss Lavinia  self charged with the
superintendence of my darling s wardrobe  is constantly cutting out
brown paper cuirasses  and differing in opinion from a highly
respectable young man  with a long bundle  and a yard measure under
his arm   A dressmaker  always stabbed in the breast with a needle
and thread  boards and lodges in the house  and seems to me 
eating  drinking  or sleeping  never to take her thimble off   They
make a lay figure of my dear   They are always sending for her to
come and try something on   We can t be happy together for five
minutes in the evening  but some intrusive female knocks at the
door  and says   Oh  if you please  Miss Dora  would you step
upstairs  

Miss Clarissa and my aunt roam all over London  to find out
articles of furniture for Dora and me to look at   It would be
better for them to buy the goods at once  without this ceremony of
inspection  for  when we go to see a kitchen fender and
meat screen  Dora sees a Chinese house for Jip  with little bells
on the top  and prefers that   And it takes a long time to accustom
Jip to his new residence  after we have bought it  whenever he goes
in or out  he makes all the little bells ring  and is horribly
frightened 

Peggotty comes up to make herself useful  and falls to work
immediately   Her department appears to be  to clean everything
over and over again   She rubs everything that can be rubbed  until
it shines  like her own honest forehead  with perpetual friction 
And now it is  that I begin to see her solitary brother passing
through the dark streets at night  and looking  as he goes  among
the wandering faces   I never speak to him at such an hour   I know
too well  as his grave figure passes onward  what he seeks  and
what he dreads 

Why does Traddles look so important when he calls upon me this
afternoon in the Commons   where I still occasionally attend  for
form s sake  when I have time   The realization of my boyish
day dreams is at hand   I am going to take out the licence 

It is a little document to do so much  and Traddles contemplates
it  as it lies upon my desk  half in admiration  half in awe 
There are the names  in the sweet old visionary connexion  David
Copperfield and Dora Spenlow  and there  in the corner  is that
Parental Institution  the Stamp Office  which is so benignantly
interested in the various transactions of human life  looking down
upon our Union  and there is the Archbishop of Canterbury invoking
a blessing on us in print  and doing it as cheap as could possibly
be expected 

Nevertheless  I am in a dream  a flustered  happy  hurried dream 
I can t believe that it is going to be  and yet I can t believe but
that everyone I pass in the street  must have some kind of
perception  that I am to be married the day after tomorrow   The
Surrogate knows me  when I go down to be sworn  and disposes of me
easily  as if there were a Masonic understanding between us 
Traddles is not at all wanted  but is in attendance as my general
backer 

 I hope the next time you come here  my dear fellow   I say to
Traddles   it will be on the same errand for yourself   And I hope
it will be soon  

 Thank you for your good wishes  my dear Copperfield   he replies 
 I hope so too   It s a satisfaction to know that she ll wait for
me any length of time  and that she really is the dearest girl   

 When are you to meet her at the coach   I ask 

 At seven   says Traddles  looking at his plain old silver watch  
the very watch he once took a wheel out of  at school  to make a
water mill    That is about Miss Wickfield s time  is it not  

 A little earlier   Her time is half past eight  
 I assure you  my dear boy   says Traddles   I am almost as pleased
as if I were going to be married myself  to think that this event
is coming to such a happy termination   And really the great
friendship and consideration of personally associating Sophy with
the joyful occasion  and inviting her to be a bridesmaid in
conjunction with Miss Wickfield  demands my warmest thanks   I am
extremely sensible of it  

I hear him  and shake hands with him  and we talk  and walk  and
dine  and so on  but I don t believe it   Nothing is real 

Sophy arrives at the house of Dora s aunts  in due course   She has
the most agreeable of faces    not absolutely beautiful  but
extraordinarily pleasant    and is one of the most genial 
unaffected  frank  engaging creatures I have ever seen   Traddles
presents her to us with great pride  and rubs his hands for ten
minutes by the clock  with every individual hair upon his head
standing on tiptoe  when I congratulate him in a corner on his
choice 

I have brought Agnes from the Canterbury coach  and her cheerful
and beautiful face is among us for the second time   Agnes has a
great liking for Traddles  and it is capital to see them meet  and
to observe the glory of Traddles as he commends the dearest girl in
the world to her acquaintance 

Still I don t believe it   We have a delightful evening  and are
supremely happy  but I don t believe it yet   I can t collect
myself   I can t check off my happiness as it takes place   I feel
in a misty and unsettled kind of state  as if I had got up very
early in the morning a week or two ago  and had never been to bed
since   I can t make out when yesterday was   I seem to have been
carrying the licence about  in my pocket  many months 

Next day  too  when we all go in a flock to see the house   our
house   Dora s and mine   I am quite unable to regard myself as its
master   I seem to be there  by permission of somebody else   I
half expect the real master to come home presently  and say he is
glad to see me   Such a beautiful little house as it is  with
everything so bright and new  with the flowers on the carpets
looking as if freshly gathered  and the green leaves on the paper
as if they had just come out  with the spotless muslin curtains 
and the blushing rose coloured furniture  and Dora s garden hat
with the blue ribbon   do I remember  now  how I loved her in such
another hat when I first knew her    already hanging on its little
peg  the guitar case quite at home on its heels in a corner  and
everybody tumbling over Jip s pagoda  which is much too big for the
establishment   Another happy evening  quite as unreal as all the
rest of it  and I steal into the usual room before going away 
Dora is not there   I suppose they have not done trying on yet 
Miss Lavinia peeps in  and tells me mysteriously that she will not
be long   She is rather long  notwithstanding  but by and by I hear
a rustling at the door  and someone taps 

I say   Come in   but someone taps again 

I go to the door  wondering who it is  there  I meet a pair of
bright eyes  and a blushing face  they are Dora s eyes and face 
and Miss Lavinia has dressed her in tomorrow s dress  bonnet and
all  for me to see   I take my little wife to my heart  and Miss
Lavinia gives a little scream because I tumble the bonnet  and Dora
laughs and cries at once  because I am so pleased  and I believe it
less than ever 

 Do you think it pretty  Doady   says Dora 

Pretty   I should rather think I did 

 And are you sure you like me very much   says Dora 

The topic is fraught with such danger to the bonnet  that Miss
Lavinia gives another little scream  and begs me to understand that
Dora is only to be looked at  and on no account to be touched   So
Dora stands in a delightful state of confusion for a minute or two 
to be admired  and then takes off her bonnet   looking so natural
without it    and runs away with it in her hand  and comes dancing
down again in her own familiar dress  and asks Jip if I have got a
beautiful little wife  and whether he ll forgive her for being
married  and kneels down to make him stand upon the cookery book 
for the last time in her single life 

I go home  more incredulous than ever  to a lodging that I have
hard by  and get up very early in the morning  to ride to the
Highgate road and fetch my aunt 

I have never seen my aunt in such state   She is dressed in
lavender coloured silk  and has a white bonnet on  and is amazing 
Janet has dressed her  and is there to look at me   Peggotty is
ready to go to church  intending to behold the ceremony from the
gallery   Mr  Dick  who is to give my darling to me at the altar 
has had his hair curled   Traddles  whom I have taken up by
appointment at the turnpike  presents a dazzling combination of
cream colour and light blue  and both he and Mr  Dick have a
general effect about them of being all gloves 

No doubt I see this  because I know it is so  but I am astray  and
seem to see nothing   Nor do I believe anything whatever   Still 
as we drive along in an open carriage  this fairy marriage is real
enough to fill me with a sort of wondering pity for the unfortunate
people who have no part in it  but are sweeping out the shops  and
going to their daily occupations 

My aunt sits with my hand in hers all the way   When we stop a
little way short of the church  to put down Peggotty  whom we have
brought on the box  she gives it a squeeze  and me a kiss 

 God bless you  Trot   My own boy never could be dearer   I think
of poor dear Baby this morning  
 So do I   And of all I owe to you  dear aunt  

 Tut  child   says my aunt  and gives her hand in overflowing
cordiality to Traddles  who then gives his to Mr  Dick  who then
gives his to me  who then gives mine to Traddles  and then we come
to the church door 

The church is calm enough  I am sure  but it might be a steam power
loom in full action  for any sedative effect it has on me   I am
too far gone for that 

The rest is all a more or less incoherent dream 

A dream of their coming in with Dora  of the pew opener arranging
us  like a drill sergeant  before the altar rails  of my wondering 
even then  why pew openers must always be the most disagreeable
females procurable  and whether there is any religious dread of a
disastrous infection of good humour which renders it indispensable
to set those vessels of vinegar upon the road to Heaven 

Of the clergyman and clerk appearing  of a few boatmen and some
other people strolling in  of an ancient mariner behind me 
strongly flavouring the church with rum  of the service beginning
in a deep voice  and our all being very attentive 

Of Miss Lavinia  who acts as a semi auxiliary bridesmaid  being the
first to cry  and of her doing homage  as I take it  to the memory
of Pidger  in sobs  of Miss Clarissa applying a smelling bottle  of
Agnes taking care of Dora  of my aunt endeavouring to represent
herself as a model of sternness  with tears rolling down her face 
of little Dora trembling very much  and making her responses in
faint whispers 

Of our kneeling down together  side by side  of Dora s trembling
less and less  but always clasping Agnes by the hand  of the
service being got through  quietly and gravely  of our all looking
at each other in an April state of smiles and tears  when it is
over  of my young wife being hysterical in the vestry  and crying
for her poor papa  her dear papa 

Of her soon cheering up again  and our signing the register all
round   Of my going into the gallery for Peggotty to bring her to
sign it  of Peggotty s hugging me in a corner  and telling me she
saw my own dear mother married  of its being over  and our going
away 

Of my walking so proudly and lovingly down the aisle with my sweet
wife upon my arm  through a mist of half seen people  pulpits 
monuments  pews  fonts  organs  and church windows  in which there
flutter faint airs of association with my childish church at home 
so long ago 

Of their whispering  as we pass  what a youthful couple we are  and
what a pretty little wife she is   Of our all being so merry and
talkative in the carriage going back   Of Sophy telling us that
when she saw Traddles  whom I had entrusted with the licence  asked
for it  she almost fainted  having been convinced that he would
contrive to lose it  or to have his pocket picked   Of Agnes
laughing gaily  and of Dora being so fond of Agnes that she will
not be separated from her  but still keeps her hand 

Of there being a breakfast  with abundance of things  pretty and
substantial  to eat and drink  whereof I partake  as I should do in
any other dream  without the least perception of their flavour 
eating and drinking  as I may say  nothing but love and marriage 
and no more believing in the viands than in anything else 

Of my making a speech in the same dreamy fashion  without having an
idea of what I want to say  beyond such as may be comprehended in
the full conviction that I haven t said it   Of our being very
sociably and simply happy  always in a dream though   and of Jip s
having wedding cake  and its not agreeing with him afterwards 

Of the pair of hired post horses being ready  and of Dora s going
away to change her dress   Of my aunt and Miss Clarissa remaining
with us  and our walking in the garden  and my aunt  who has made
quite a speech at breakfast touching Dora s aunts  being mightily
amused with herself  but a little proud of it too 

Of Dora s being ready  and of Miss Lavinia s hovering about her 
loth to lose the pretty toy that has given her so much pleasant
occupation   Of Dora s making a long series of surprised
discoveries that she has forgotten all sorts of little things  and
of everybody s running everywhere to fetch them 

Of their all closing about Dora  when at last she begins to say
good bye  looking  with their bright colours and ribbons  like a
bed of flowers   Of my darling being almost smothered among the
flowers  and coming out  laughing and crying both together  to my
jealous arms 

Of my wanting to carry Jip  who is to go along with us   and Dora s
saying no  that she must carry him  or else he ll think she don t
like him any more  now she is married  and will break his heart 
Of our going  arm in arm  and Dora stopping and looking back  and
saying   If I have ever been cross or ungrateful to anybody  don t
remember it   and bursting into tears 

Of her waving her little hand  and our going away once more   Of
her once more stopping  and looking back  and hurrying to Agnes 
and giving Agnes  above all the others  her last kisses and
farewells 

We drive away together  and I awake from the dream   I believe it
at last   It is my dear  dear  little wife beside me  whom I love
so well 

 Are you happy now  you foolish boy   says Dora   and sure you
don t repent  


I have stood aside to see the phantoms of those days go by me 
They are gone  and I resume the journey of my story 



CHAPTER   
OUR HOUSEKEEPING


It was a strange condition of things  the honeymoon being over  and
the bridesmaids gone home  when I found myself sitting down in my
own small house with Dora  quite thrown out of employment  as I may
say  in respect of the delicious old occupation of making love 

It seemed such an extraordinary thing to have Dora always there 
It was so unaccountable not to be obliged to go out to see her  not
to have any occasion to be tormenting myself about her  not to have
to write to her  not to be scheming and devising opportunities of
being alone with her   Sometimes of an evening  when I looked up
from my writing  and saw her seated opposite  I would lean back in
my chair  and think how queer it was that there we were  alone
together as a matter of course   nobody s business any more   all
the romance of our engagement put away upon a shelf  to rust   no
one to please but one another   one another to please  for life 

When there was a debate  and I was kept out very late  it seemed so
strange to me  as I was walking home  to think that Dora was at
home   It was such a wonderful thing  at first  to have her coming
softly down to talk to me as I ate my supper   It was such a
stupendous thing to know for certain that she put her hair in
papers   It was altogether such an astonishing event to see her do
it 

I doubt whether two young birds could have known less about keeping
house  than I and my pretty Dora did   We had a servant  of course 
She kept house for us   I have still a latent belief that she must
have been Mrs  Crupp s daughter in disguise  we had such an awful
time of it with Mary Anne 

Her name was Paragon   Her nature was represented to us  when we
engaged her  as being feebly expressed in her name   She had a
written character  as large as a proclamation  and  according to
this document  could do everything of a domestic nature that ever
I heard of  and a great many things that I never did hear of   She
was a woman in the prime of life  of a severe countenance  and
subject  particularly in the arms  to a sort of perpetual measles
or fiery rash   She had a cousin in the Life Guards  with such long
legs that he looked like the afternoon shadow of somebody else 
His shell jacket was as much too little for him as he was too big
for the premises   He made the cottage smaller than it need have
been  by being so very much out of proportion to it   Besides
which  the walls were not thick  and  whenever he passed the
evening at our house  we always knew of it by hearing one continual
growl in the kitchen 

Our treasure was warranted sober and honest   I am therefore
willing to believe that she was in a fit when we found her under
the boiler  and that the deficient tea spoons were attributable to
the dustman 

But she preyed upon our minds dreadfully   We felt our
inexperience  and were unable to help ourselves   We should have
been at her mercy  if she had had any  but she was a remorseless
woman  and had none   She was the cause of our first little
quarrel 

 My dearest life   I said one day to Dora   do you think Mary Anne
has any idea of time  

 Why  Doady   inquired Dora  looking up  innocently  from her
drawing 

 My love  because it s five  and we were to have dined at four  

Dora glanced wistfully at the clock  and hinted that she thought it
was too fast 

 On the contrary  my love   said I  referring to my watch   it s a
few minutes too slow  

My little wife came and sat upon my knee  to coax me to be quiet 
and drew a line with her pencil down the middle of my nose  but I
couldn t dine off that  though it was very agreeable 

 Don t you think  my dear   said I   it would be better for you to
remonstrate with Mary Anne  

 Oh no  please   I couldn t  Doady   said Dora 

 Why not  my love   I gently asked 

 Oh  because I am such a little goose   said Dora   and she knows
I am  

I thought this sentiment so incompatible with the establishment of
any system of check on Mary Anne  that I frowned a little 

 Oh  what ugly wrinkles in my bad boy s forehead   said Dora  and
still being on my knee  she traced them with her pencil  putting it
to her rosy lips to make it mark blacker  and working at my
forehead with a quaint little mockery of being industrious  that
quite delighted me in spite of myself 

 There s a good child   said Dora   it makes its face so much
prettier to laugh  
 But  my love   said I 

 No  no  please   cried Dora  with a kiss   don t be a naughty Blue
Beard   Don t be serious  

 My precious wife   said I   we must be serious sometimes   Come 
Sit down on this chair  close beside me   Give me the pencil 
There   Now let us talk sensibly   You know  dear   what a little
hand it was to hold  and what a tiny wedding ring it was to see 
 You know  my love  it is not exactly comfortable to have to go out
without one s dinner   Now  is it  

 N n no   replied Dora  faintly 

 My love  how you tremble  

 Because I KNOW you re going to scold me   exclaimed Dora  in a
piteous voice 

 My sweet  I am only going to reason  

 Oh  but reasoning is worse than scolding   exclaimed Dora  in
despair    I didn t marry to be reasoned with   If you meant to
reason with such a poor little thing as I am  you ought to have
told me so  you cruel boy  

I tried to pacify Dora  but she turned away her face  and shook her
curls from side to side  and said   You cruel  cruel boy   so many
times  that I really did not exactly know what to do  so I took a
few turns up and down the room in my uncertainty  and came back
again 

 Dora  my darling  

 No  I am not your darling   Because you must be sorry that you
married me  or else you wouldn t reason with me   returned Dora 

I felt so injured by the inconsequential nature of this charge 
that it gave me courage to be grave 

 Now  my own Dora   said I   you are very childish  and are talking
nonsense   You must remember  I am sure  that I was obliged to go
out yesterday when dinner was half over  and that  the day before 
I was made quite unwell by being obliged to eat underdone veal in
a hurry  today  I don t dine at all   and I am afraid to say how
long we waited for breakfast   and then the water didn t boil   I
don t mean to reproach you  my dear  but this is not comfortable  

 Oh  you cruel  cruel boy  to say I am a disagreeable wife   cried
Dora 

 Now  my dear Dora  you must know that I never said that  

 You said  I wasn t comfortable   cried Dora 
 I said the housekeeping was not comfortable  

 It s exactly the same thing   cried Dora   And she evidently
thought so  for she wept most grievously 

I took another turn across the room  full of love for my pretty
wife  and distracted by self accusatory inclinations to knock my
head against the door   I sat down again  and said 

 I am not blaming you  Dora   We have both a great deal to learn 
I am only trying to show you  my dear  that you must   you really
must   I was resolved not to give this up     accustom yourself to
look after Mary Anne   Likewise to act a little for yourself  and
me  

 I wonder  I do  at your making such ungrateful speeches   sobbed
Dora    When you know that the other day  when you said you would
like a little bit of fish  I went out myself  miles and miles  and
ordered it  to surprise you  

 And it was very kind of you  my own darling   said I    I felt it
so much that I wouldn t on any account have even mentioned that you
bought a Salmon   which was too much for two   Or that it cost one
pound six   which was more than we can afford  

 You enjoyed it very much   sobbed Dora    And you said I was a
Mouse  

 And I ll say so again  my love   I returned   a thousand times  

But I had wounded Dora s soft little heart  and she was not to be
comforted   She was so pathetic in her sobbing and bewailing  that
I felt as if I had said I don t know what to hurt her   I was
obliged to hurry away  I was kept out late  and I felt all night
such pangs of remorse as made me miserable   I had the conscience
of an assassin  and was haunted by a vague sense of enormous
wickedness 

It was two or three hours past midnight when I got home   I found
my aunt  in our house  sitting up for me 

 Is anything the matter  aunt   said I  alarmed 

 Nothing  Trot   she replied    Sit down  sit down   Little Blossom
has been rather out of spirits  and I have been keeping her
company   That s all  

I leaned my head upon my hand  and felt more sorry and downcast  as
I sat looking at the fire  than I could have supposed possible so
soon after the fulfilment of my brightest hopes   As I sat
thinking  I happened to meet my aunt s eyes  which were resting on
my face   There was an anxious expression in them  but it cleared
directly 

 I assure you  aunt   said I   I have been quite unhappy myself all
night  to think of Dora s being so   But I had no other intention
than to speak to her tenderly and lovingly about our home affairs  

MY aunt nodded encouragement 

 You must have patience  Trot   said she 

 Of course   Heaven knows I don t mean to be unreasonable  aunt  

 No  no   said my aunt    But Little Blossom is a very tender
little blossom  and the wind must be gentle with her  

I thanked my good aunt  in my heart  for her tenderness towards my
wife  and I was sure that she knew I did 

 Don t you think  aunt   said I  after some further contemplation
of the fire   that you could advise and counsel Dora a little  for
our mutual advantage  now and then  

 Trot   returned my aunt  with some emotion   no   Don t ask me
such a thing  

Her tone was so very earnest that I raised my eyes in surprise 

 I look back on my life  child   said my aunt   and I think of some
who are in their graves  with whom I might have been on kinder
terms   If I judged harshly of other people s mistakes in marriage 
it may have been because I had bitter reason to judge harshly of my
own   Let that pass   I have been a grumpy  frumpy  wayward sort of
a woman  a good many years   I am still  and I always shall be 
But you and I have done one another some good  Trot    at all
events  you have done me good  my dear  and division must not come
between us  at this time of day  

 Division between us   cried I 

 Child  child   said my aunt  smoothing her dress   how soon it
might come between us  or how unhappy I might make our Little
Blossom  if I meddled in anything  a prophet couldn t say   I want
our pet to like me  and be as gay as a butterfly   Remember your
own home  in that second marriage  and never do both me and her the
injury you have hinted at  

I comprehended  at once  that my aunt was right  and I comprehended
the full extent of her generous feeling towards my dear wife 

 These are early days  Trot   she pursued   and Rome was not built
in a day  nor in a year   You have chosen freely for yourself   a
cloud passed over her face for a moment  I thought   and you have
chosen a very pretty and a very affectionate creature   It will be
your duty  and it will be your pleasure too   of course I know
that  I am not delivering a lecture   to estimate her  as you chose
her  by the qualities she has  and not by the qualities she may not
have   The latter you must develop in her  if you can   And if you
cannot  child   here my aunt rubbed her nose   you must just
accustom yourself to do without  em   But remember  my dear  your
future is between you two   No one can assist you  you are to work
it out for yourselves   This is marriage  Trot  and Heaven bless
you both  in it  for a pair of babes in the wood as you are  

My aunt said this in a sprightly way  and gave me a kiss to ratify
the blessing 

 Now   said she   light my little lantern  and see me into my
bandbox by the garden path   for there was a communication between
our cottages in that direction    Give Betsey Trotwood s love to
Blossom  when you come back  and whatever you do  Trot  never dream
of setting Betsey up as a scarecrow  for if I ever saw her in the
glass  she s quite grim enough and gaunt enough in her private
capacity  

With this my aunt tied her head up in a handkerchief  with which
she was accustomed to make a bundle of it on such occasions  and I
escorted her home   As she stood in her garden  holding up her
little lantern to light me back  I thought her observation of me
had an anxious air again  but I was too much occupied in pondering
on what she had said  and too much impressed   for the first time 
in reality   by the conviction that Dora and I had indeed to work
out our future for ourselves  and that no one could assist us  to
take much notice of it 

Dora came stealing down in her little slippers  to meet me  now
that I was alone  and cried upon my shoulder  and said I had been
hard hearted and she had been naughty  and I said much the same
thing in effect  I believe  and we made it up  and agreed that our
first little difference was to be our last  and that we were never
to have another if we lived a hundred years 

The next domestic trial we went through  was the Ordeal of
Servants   Mary Anne s cousin deserted into our coal hole  and was
brought out  to our great amazement  by a piquet of his companions
in arms  who took him away handcuffed in a procession that covered
our front garden with ignominy   This nerved me to get rid of Mary
Anne  who went so mildly  on receipt of wages  that I was
surprised  until I found out about the tea spoons  and also about
the little sums she had borrowed in my name of the tradespeople
without authority   After an interval of Mrs  Kidgerbury   the
oldest inhabitant of Kentish Town  I believe  who went out charing 
but was too feeble to execute her conceptions of that art   we
found another treasure  who was one of the most amiable of women 
but who generally made a point of falling either up or down the
kitchen stairs with the tray  and almost plunged into the parlour 
as into a bath  with the tea things   The ravages committed by this
unfortunate  rendering her dismissal necessary  she was succeeded
 with intervals of Mrs  Kidgerbury  by a long line of Incapables 
terminating in a young person of genteel appearance  who went to
Greenwich Fair in Dora s bonnet   After whom I remember nothing but
an average equality of failure 

Everybody we had anything to do with seemed to cheat us   Our
appearance in a shop was a signal for the damaged goods to be
brought out immediately   If we bought a lobster  it was full of
water   All our meat turned out to be tough  and there was hardly
any crust to our loaves   In search of the principle on which
joints ought to be roasted  to be roasted enough  and not too much 
I myself referred to the Cookery Book  and found it there
established as the allowance of a quarter of an hour to every
pound  and say a quarter over   But the principle always failed us
by some curious fatality  and we never could hit any medium between
redness and cinders 

I had reason to believe that in accomplishing these failures we
incurred a far greater expense than if we had achieved a series of
triumphs   It appeared to me  on looking over the tradesmen s
books  as if we might have kept the basement storey paved with
butter  such was the extensive scale of our consumption of that
article   I don t know whether the Excise returns of the period may
have exhibited any increase in the demand for pepper  but if our
performances did not affect the market  I should say several
families must have left off using it   And the most wonderful fact
of all was  that we never had anything in the house 

As to the washerwoman pawning the clothes  and coming in a state of
penitent intoxication to apologize  I suppose that might have
happened several times to anybody   Also the chimney on fire  the
parish engine  and perjury on the part of the Beadle   But I
apprehend that we were personally fortunate in engaging a servant
with a taste for cordials  who swelled our running account for
porter at the public house by such inexplicable items as  quartern
rum shrub  Mrs  C      Half quartern gin and cloves  Mrs  C    
 Glass rum and peppermint  Mrs  C      the parentheses always
referring to Dora  who was supposed  it appeared on explanation  to
have imbibed the whole of these refreshments 

One of our first feats in the housekeeping way was a little dinner
to Traddles   I met him in town  and asked him to walk out with me
that afternoon   He readily consenting  I wrote to Dora  saying I
would bring him home   It was pleasant weather  and on the road we
made my domestic happiness the theme of conversation   Traddles was
very full of it  and said  that  picturing himself with such a
home  and Sophy waiting and preparing for him  he could think of
nothing wanting to complete his bliss 

I could not have wished for a prettier little wife at the opposite
end of the table  but I certainly could have wished  when we sat
down  for a little more room   I did not know how it was  but
though there were only two of us  we were at once always cramped
for room  and yet had always room enough to lose everything in   I
suspect it may have been because nothing had a place of its own 
except Jip s pagoda  which invariably blocked up the main
thoroughfare   On the present occasion  Traddles was so hemmed in
by the pagoda and the guitar case  and Dora s flower painting  and
my writing table  that I had serious doubts of the possibility of
his using his knife and fork  but he protested  with his own
good humour   Oceans of room  Copperfield   I assure you  Oceans  

There was another thing I could have wished  namely  that Jip had
never been encouraged to walk about the tablecloth during dinner 
I began to think there was something disorderly in his being there
at all  even if he had not been in the habit of putting his foot in
the salt or the melted butter   On this occasion he seemed to think
he was introduced expressly to keep Traddles at bay  and he barked
at my old friend  and made short runs at his plate  with such
undaunted pertinacity  that he may be said to have engrossed the
conversation 

However  as I knew how tender hearted my dear Dora was  and how
sensitive she would be to any slight upon her favourite  I hinted
no objection   For similar reasons I made no allusion to the
skirmishing plates upon the floor  or to the disreputable
appearance of the castors  which were all at sixes and sevens  and
looked drunk  or to the further blockade of Traddles by wandering
vegetable dishes and jugs   I could not help wondering in my own
mind  as I contemplated the boiled leg of mutton before me 
previous to carving it  how it came to pass that our joints of meat
were of such extraordinary shapes   and whether our butcher
contracted for all the deformed sheep that came into the world  but
I kept my reflections to myself 

 My love   said I to Dora   what have you got in that dish  

I could not imagine why Dora had been making tempting little faces
at me  as if she wanted to kiss me 

 Oysters  dear   said Dora  timidly 

 Was that YOUR thought   said I  delighted 

 Ye yes  Doady   said Dora 

 There never was a happier one   I exclaimed  laying down the
carving knife and fork    There is nothing Traddles likes so much  

 Ye yes  Doady   said Dora   and so I bought a beautiful little
barrel of them  and the man said they were very good   But I   I am
afraid there s something the matter with them   They don t seem
right    Here Dora shook her head  and diamonds twinkled in her
eyes 

 They are only opened in both shells   said I    Take the top one
off  my love  

 But it won t come off   said Dora  trying very hard  and looking
very much distressed 

 Do you know  Copperfield   said Traddles  cheerfully examining the
dish   I think it is in consequence   they are capital oysters  but
I think it is in consequence   of their never having been opened  

They never had been opened  and we had no oyster knives   and
couldn t have used them if we had  so we looked at the oysters and
ate the mutton   At least we ate as much of it as was done  and
made up with capers   If I had permitted him  I am satisfied that
Traddles would have made a perfect savage of himself  and eaten a
plateful of raw meat  to express enjoyment of the repast  but I
would hear of no such immolation on the altar of friendship  and we
had a course of bacon instead  there happening  by good fortune  to
be cold bacon in the larder 

My poor little wife was in such affliction when she thought I
should be annoyed  and in such a state of joy when she found I was
not  that the discomfiture I had subdued  very soon vanished  and
we passed a happy evening  Dora sitting with her arm on my chair
while Traddles and I discussed a glass of wine  and taking every
opportunity of whispering in my ear that it was so good of me not
to be a cruel  cross old boy   By and by she made tea for us  which
it was so pretty to see her do  as if she was busying herself with
a set of doll s tea things  that I was not particular about the
quality of the beverage   Then Traddles and I played a game or two
at cribbage  and Dora singing to the guitar the while  it seemed to
me as if our courtship and marriage were a tender dream of mine 
and the night when I first listened to her voice were not yet over 

When Traddles went away  and I came back into the parlour from
seeing him out  my wife planted her chair close to mine  and sat
down by my side    I am very sorry   she said    Will you try to
teach me  Doady  

 I must teach myself first  Dora   said I    I am as bad as you 
love  

 Ah   But you can learn   she returned   and you are a clever 
clever man  

 Nonsense  mouse   said I 

 I wish   resumed my wife  after a long silence   that I could have
gone down into the country for a whole year  and lived with Agnes  

Her hands were clasped upon my shoulder  and her chin rested on
them  and her blue eyes looked quietly into mine 

 Why so   I asked 

 I think she might have improved me  and I think I might have
learned from her   said Dora 

 All in good time  my love   Agnes has had her father to take care
of for these many years  you should remember   Even when she was
quite a child  she was the Agnes whom we know   said I 

 Will you call me a name I want you to call me   inquired Dora 
without moving 

 What is it   I asked with a smile 

 It s a stupid name   she said  shaking her curls for a moment 
 Child wife  

I laughingly asked my child wife what her fancy was in desiring to
be so called   She answered without moving  otherwise than as the
arm I twined about her may have brought her blue eyes nearer to me 

 I don t mean  you silly fellow  that you should use the name
instead of Dora   I only mean that you should think of me that way 
When you are going to be angry with me  say to yourself   it s only
my child wife   When I am very disappointing  say   I knew  a long
time ago  that she would make but a child wife   When you miss what
I should like to be  and I think can never be  say   still my
foolish child wife loves me   For indeed I do  

I had not been serious with her  having no idea until now  that she
was serious herself   But her affectionate nature was so happy in
what I now said to her with my whole heart  that her face became a
laughing one before her glittering eyes were dry   She was soon my
child wife indeed  sitting down on the floor outside the Chinese
House  ringing all the little bells one after another  to punish
Jip for his recent bad behaviour  while Jip lay blinking in the
doorway with his head out  even too lazy to be teased 

This appeal of Dora s made a strong impression on me   I look back
on the time I write of  I invoke the innocent figure that I dearly
loved  to come out from the mists and shadows of the past  and turn
its gentle head towards me once again  and I can still declare that
this one little speech was constantly in my memory   I may not have
used it to the best account  I was young and inexperienced  but I
never turned a deaf ear to its artless pleading 

Dora told me  shortly afterwards  that she was going to be a
wonderful housekeeper   Accordingly  she polished the tablets 
pointed the pencil  bought an immense account book  carefully
stitched up with a needle and thread all the leaves of the Cookery
Book which Jip had torn  and made quite a desperate little attempt
 to be good   as she called it   But the figures had the old
obstinate propensity   they WOULD NOT add up   When she had entered
two or three laborious items in the account book  Jip would walk
over the page  wagging his tail  and smear them all out   Her own
little right hand middle finger got steeped to the very bone in
ink  and I think that was the only decided result obtained 

Sometimes  of an evening  when I was at home and at work   for I
wrote a good deal now  and was beginning in a small way to be known
as a writer   I would lay down my pen  and watch my child wife
trying to be good   First of all  she would bring out the immense
account book  and lay it down upon the table  with a deep sigh 
Then she would open it at the place where Jip had made it illegible
last night  and call Jip up  to look at his misdeeds   This would
occasion a diversion in Jip s favour  and some inking of his nose 
perhaps  as a penalty   Then she would tell Jip to lie down on the
table instantly   like a lion    which was one of his tricks 
though I cannot say the likeness was striking   and  if he were in
an obedient humour  he would obey   Then she would take up a pen 
and begin to write  and find a hair in it   Then she would take up
another pen  and begin to write  and find that it spluttered   Then
she would take up another pen  and begin to write  and say in a low
voice   Oh  it s a talking pen  and will disturb Doady   And then
she would give it up as a bad job  and put the account book away 
after pretending to crush the lion with it 

Or  if she were in a very sedate and serious state of mind  she
would sit down with the tablets  and a little basket of bills and
other documents  which looked more like curl papers than anything
else  and endeavour to get some result out of them   After severely
comparing one with another  and making entries on the tablets  and
blotting them out  and counting all the fingers of her left hand
over and over again  backwards and forwards  she would be so vexed
and discouraged  and would look so unhappy  that it gave me pain to
see her bright face clouded   and for me    and I would go softly
to her  and say 

 What s the matter  Dora  

Dora would look up hopelessly  and reply   They won t come right 
They make my head ache so   And they won t do anything I want  

Then I would say   Now let us try together   Let me show you 
Dora  

Then I would commence a practical demonstration  to which Dora
would pay profound attention  perhaps for five minutes  when she
would begin to be dreadfully tired  and would lighten the subject
by curling my hair  or trying the effect of my face with my
shirt collar turned down   If I tacitly checked this playfulness 
and persisted  she would look so scared and disconsolate  as she
became more and more bewildered  that the remembrance of her
natural gaiety when I first strayed into her path  and of her being
my child wife  would come reproachfully upon me  and I would lay
the pencil down  and call for the guitar 

I had a great deal of work to do  and had many anxieties  but the
same considerations made me keep them to myself   I am far from
sure  now  that it was right to do this  but I did it for my
child wife s sake   I search my breast  and I commit its secrets 
if I know them  without any reservation to this paper   The old
unhappy loss or want of something had  I am conscious  some place
in my heart  but not to the embitterment of my life   When I walked
alone in the fine weather  and thought of the summer days when all
the air had been filled with my boyish enchantment  I did miss
something of the realization of my dreams  but I thought it was a
softened glory of the Past  which nothing could have thrown upon
the present time   I did feel  sometimes  for a little while  that
I could have wished my wife had been my counsellor  had had more
character and purpose  to sustain me and improve me by  had been
endowed with power to fill up the void which somewhere seemed to be
about me  but I felt as if this were an unearthly consummation of
my happiness  that never had been meant to be  and never could have
been 

I was a boyish husband as to years   I had known the softening
influence of no other sorrows or experiences than those recorded in
these leaves   If I did any wrong  as I may have done much  I did
it in mistaken love  and in my want of wisdom   I write the exact
truth   It would avail me nothing to extenuate it now 

Thus it was that I took upon myself the toils and cares of our
life  and had no partner in them   We lived much as before  in
reference to our scrambling household arrangements  but I had got
used to those  and Dora I was pleased to see was seldom vexed now 
She was bright and cheerful in the old childish way  loved me
dearly  and was happy with her old trifles 

When the debates were heavy   I mean as to length  not quality  for
in the last respect they were not often otherwise   and I went home
late  Dora would never rest when she heard my footsteps  but would
always come downstairs to meet me   When my evenings were
unoccupied by the pursuit for which I had qualified myself with so
much pains  and I was engaged in writing at home  she would sit
quietly near me  however late the hour  and be so mute  that I
would often think she had dropped asleep   But generally  when I
raised my head  I saw her blue eyes looking at me with the quiet
attention of which I have already spoken 

 Oh  what a weary boy   said Dora one night  when I met her eyes as
I was shutting up my desk 

 What a weary girl   said I    That s more to the purpose   You
must go to bed another time  my love   It s far too late for you  

 No  don t send me to bed   pleaded Dora  coming to my side 
 Pray  don t do that  

 Dora   To my amazement she was sobbing on my neck    Not well  my
dear  not happy  

 Yes  quite well  and very happy   said Dora    But say you ll let
me stop  and see you write  

 Why  what a sight for such bright eyes at midnight   I replied 

 Are they bright  though   returned Dora  laughing    I m so glad
they re bright  
 Little Vanity   said I 

But it was not vanity  it was only harmless delight in my
admiration   I knew that very well  before she told me so 

 If you think them pretty  say I may always stop  and see you
write   said Dora    Do you think them pretty  

 Very pretty  

 Then let me always stop and see you write  

 I am afraid that won t improve their brightness  Dora  

 Yes  it will   Because  you clever boy  you ll not forget me then 
while you are full of silent fancies   Will you mind it  if I say
something very  very silly     more than usual   inquired Dora 
peeping over my shoulder into my face 

 What wonderful thing is that   said I 

 Please let me hold the pens   said Dora    I want to have
something to do with all those many hours when you are so
industrious   May I hold the pens  

The remembrance of her pretty joy when I said yes  brings tears
into my eyes   The next time I sat down to write  and regularly
afterwards  she sat in her old place  with a spare bundle of pens
at her side   Her triumph in this connexion with my work  and her
delight when I wanted a new pen   which I very often feigned to do
  suggested to me a new way of pleasing my child wife   I
occasionally made a pretence of wanting a page or two of manuscript
copied   Then Dora was in her glory   The preparations she made for
this great work  the aprons she put on  the bibs she borrowed from
the kitchen to keep off the ink  the time she took  the innumerable
stoppages she made to have a laugh with Jip as if he understood it
all  her conviction that her work was incomplete unless she signed
her name at the end  and the way in which she would bring it to me 
like a school copy  and then  when I praised it  clasp me round the
neck  are touching recollections to me  simple as they might appear
to other men 

She took possession of the keys soon after this  and went jingling
about the house with the whole bunch in a little basket  tied to
her slender waist   I seldom found that the places to which they
belonged were locked  or that they were of any use except as a
plaything for Jip   but Dora was pleased  and that pleased me   She
was quite satisfied that a good deal was effected by this
make belief of housekeeping  and was as merry as if we had been
keeping a baby house  for a joke 

So we went on   Dora was hardly less affectionate to my aunt than
to me  and often told her of the time when she was afraid she was
 a cross old thing    I never saw my aunt unbend more
systematically to anyone   She courted Jip  though Jip never
responded  listened  day after day  to the guitar  though I am
afraid she had no taste for music  never attacked the Incapables 
though the temptation must have been severe  went wonderful
distances on foot to purchase  as surprises  any trifles that she
found out Dora wanted  and never came in by the garden  and missed
her from the room  but she would call out  at the foot of the
stairs  in a voice that sounded cheerfully all over the house 

 Where s Little Blossom  



CHAPTER   
MR  DICK FULFILS MY AUNT S PREDICTIONS


It was some time now  since I had left the Doctor   Living in his
neighbourhood  I saw him frequently  and we all went to his house
on two or three occasions to dinner or tea   The Old Soldier was in
permanent quarters under the Doctor s roof   She was exactly the
same as ever  and the same immortal butterflies hovered over her
cap 

Like some other mothers  whom I have known in the course of my
life  Mrs  Markleham was far more fond of pleasure than her
daughter was   She required a great deal of amusement  and  like a
deep old soldier  pretended  in consulting her own inclinations  to
be devoting herself to her child   The Doctor s desire that Annie
should be entertained  was therefore particularly acceptable to
this excellent parent  who expressed unqualified approval of his
discretion 

I have no doubt  indeed  that she probed the Doctor s wound without
knowing it   Meaning nothing but a certain matured frivolity and
selfishness  not always inseparable from full blown years  I think
she confirmed him in his fear that he was a constraint upon his
young wife  and that there was no congeniality of feeling between
them  by so strongly commending his design of lightening the load
of her life 

 My dear soul   she said to him one day when I was present   you
know there is no doubt it would be a little pokey for Annie to be
always shut up here  

The Doctor nodded his benevolent head    When she comes to her
mother s age   said Mrs  Markleham  with a flourish of her fan 
 then it ll be another thing   You might put ME into a Jail  with
genteel society and a rubber  and I should never care to come out 
But I am not Annie  you know  and Annie is not her mother  

 Surely  surely   said the Doctor 

 You are the best of creatures   no  I beg your pardon   for the
Doctor made a gesture of deprecation   I must say before your face 
as I always say behind your back  you are the best of creatures 
but of course you don t   now do you     enter into the same
pursuits and fancies as Annie  

 No   said the Doctor  in a sorrowful tone 

 No  of course not   retorted the Old Soldier    Take your
Dictionary  for example   What a useful work a Dictionary is   What
a necessary work   The meanings of words   Without Doctor Johnson 
or somebody of that sort  we might have been at this present moment
calling an Italian iron  a bedstead   But we can t expect a
Dictionary   especially when it s making   to interest Annie  can
we  

The Doctor shook his head 

 And that s why I so much approve   said Mrs  Markleham  tapping
him on the shoulder with her shut up fan   of your thoughtfulness 
It shows that you don t expect  as many elderly people do expect 
old heads on young shoulders   You have studied Annie s character 
and you understand it   That s what I find so charming  

Even the calm and patient face of Doctor Strong expressed some
little sense of pain  I thought  under the infliction of these
compliments 

 Therefore  my dear Doctor   said the Old Soldier  giving him
several affectionate taps   you may command me  at all times and
seasons   Now  do understand that I am entirely at your service 
I am ready to go with Annie to operas  concerts  exhibitions  all
kinds of places  and you shall never find that I am tired   Duty 
my dear Doctor  before every consideration in the universe  

She was as good as her word   She was one of those people who can
bear a great deal of pleasure  and she never flinched in her
perseverance in the cause   She seldom got hold of the newspaper
 which she settled herself down in the softest chair in the house
to read through an eye glass  every day  for two hours   but she
found out something that she was certain Annie would like to see 
It was in vain for Annie to protest that she was weary of such
things   Her mother s remonstrance always was   Now  my dear Annie 
I am sure you know better  and I must tell you  my love  that you
are not making a proper return for the kindness of Doctor Strong  

This was usually said in the Doctor s presence  and appeared to me
to constitute Annie s principal inducement for withdrawing her
objections when she made any   But in general she resigned herself
to her mother  and went where the Old Soldier would 

It rarely happened now that Mr  Maldon accompanied them   Sometimes
my aunt and Dora were invited to do so  and accepted the
invitation   Sometimes Dora only was asked   The time had been 
when I should have been uneasy in her going  but reflection on what
had passed that former night in the Doctor s study  had made a
change in my mistrust   I believed that the Doctor was right  and
I had no worse suspicions 

My aunt rubbed her nose sometimes when she happened to be alone
with me  and said she couldn t make it out  she wished they were
happier  she didn t think our military friend  so she always called
the Old Soldier  mended the matter at all   My aunt further
expressed her opinion   that if our military friend would cut off
those butterflies  and give  em to the chimney sweepers for
May day  it would look like the beginning of something sensible on
her part  

But her abiding reliance was on Mr  Dick   That man had evidently
an idea in his head  she said  and if he could only once pen it up
into a corner  which was his great difficulty  he would distinguish
himself in some extraordinary manner 

Unconscious of this prediction  Mr  Dick continued to occupy
precisely the same ground in reference to the Doctor and to Mrs 
Strong   He seemed neither to advance nor to recede   He appeared
to have settled into his original foundation  like a building  and
I must confess that my faith in his ever Moving  was not much
greater than if he had been a building 

But one night  when I had been married some months  Mr  Dick put
his head into the parlour  where I was writing alone  Dora having
gone out with my aunt to take tea with the two little birds   and
said  with a significant cough 

 You couldn t speak to me without inconveniencing yourself 
Trotwood  I am afraid  

 Certainly  Mr  Dick   said I   come in  

 Trotwood   said Mr  Dick  laying his finger on the side of his
nose  after he had shaken hands with me    Before I sit down  I
wish to make an observation   You know your aunt  

 A little   I replied 

 She is the most wonderful woman in the world  sir  

After the delivery of this communication  which he shot out of
himself as if he were loaded with it  Mr  Dick sat down with
greater gravity than usual  and looked at me 

 Now  boy   said Mr  Dick   I am going to put a question to you  

 As many as you please   said I 

 What do you consider me  sir   asked Mr  Dick  folding his arms 

 A dear old friend   said I 
 Thank you  Trotwood   returned Mr  Dick  laughing  and reaching
across in high glee to shake hands with me    But I mean  boy  
resuming his gravity   what do you consider me in this respect  
touching his forehead 

I was puzzled how to answer  but he helped me with a word 

 Weak   said Mr  Dick 

 Well   I replied  dubiously    Rather so  

 Exactly   cried Mr  Dick  who seemed quite enchanted by my reply 
 That is  Trotwood  when they took some of the trouble out of
you know who s head  and put it you know where  there was a    Mr 
Dick made his two hands revolve very fast about each other a great
number of times  and then brought them into collision  and rolled
them over and over one another  to express confusion    There was
that sort of thing done to me somehow   Eh  

I nodded at him  and he nodded back again 

 In short  boy   said Mr  Dick  dropping his voice to a whisper   I
am simple  

I would have qualified that conclusion  but he stopped me 

 Yes  I am   She pretends I am not   She won t hear of it  but I
am   I know I am   If she hadn t stood my friend  sir  I should
have been shut up  to lead a dismal life these many years   But
I ll provide for her   I never spend the copying money   I put it
in a box   I have made a will   I ll leave it all to her   She
shall be rich   noble  

Mr  Dick took out his pocket handkerchief  and wiped his eyes   He
then folded it up with great care  pressed it smooth between his
two hands  put it in his pocket  and seemed to put my aunt away
with it 

 Now you are a scholar  Trotwood   said Mr  Dick    You are a fine
scholar   You know what a learned man  what a great man  the Doctor
is   You know what honour he has always done me   Not proud in his
wisdom   Humble  humble   condescending even to poor Dick  who is
simple and knows nothing   I have sent his name up  on a scrap of
paper  to the kite  along the string  when it has been in the sky 
among the larks   The kite has been glad to receive it  sir  and
the sky has been brighter with it  

I delighted him by saying  most heartily  that the Doctor was
deserving of our best respect and highest esteem 

 And his beautiful wife is a star   said Mr  Dick    A shining
star   I have seen her shine  sir   But   bringing his chair
nearer  and laying one hand upon my knee    clouds  sir   clouds  

I answered the solicitude which his face expressed  by conveying
the same expression into my own  and shaking my head 

 What clouds   said Mr  Dick 

He looked so wistfully into my face  and was so anxious to
understand  that I took great pains to answer him slowly and
distinctly  as I might have entered on an explanation to a child 

 There is some unfortunate division between them   I replied 
 Some unhappy cause of separation   A secret   It may be
inseparable from the discrepancy in their years   It may have grown
up out of almost nothing  

Mr  Dick  who had told off every sentence with a thoughtful nod 
paused when I had done  and sat considering  with his eyes upon my
face  and his hand upon my knee 

 Doctor not angry with her  Trotwood   he said  after some time 

 No   Devoted to her  

 Then  I have got it  boy   said Mr  Dick 

The sudden exultation with which he slapped me on the knee  and
leaned back in his chair  with his eyebrows lifted up as high as he
could possibly lift them  made me think him farther out of his wits
than ever   He became as suddenly grave again  and leaning forward
as before  said   first respectfully taking out his
pocket handkerchief  as if it really did represent my aunt 

 Most wonderful woman in the world  Trotwood   Why has she done
nothing to set things right  

 Too delicate and difficult a subject for such interference   I
replied 

 Fine scholar   said Mr  Dick  touching me with his finger    Why
has HE done nothing  

 For the same reason   I returned 

 Then  I have got it  boy   said Mr  Dick   And he stood up before
me  more exultingly than before  nodding his head  and striking
himself repeatedly upon the breast  until one might have supposed
that he had nearly nodded and struck all the breath out of his
body 

 A poor fellow with a craze  sir   said Mr  Dick   a simpleton  a
weak minded person   present company  you know   striking himself
again   may do what wonderful people may not do   I ll bring them
together  boy   I ll try   They ll not blame me   They ll not
object to me   They ll not mind what I do  if it s wrong   I m only
Mr  Dick   And who minds Dick   Dick s nobody   Whoo   He blew a
slight  contemptuous breath  as if he blew himself away 

It was fortunate he had proceeded so far with his mystery  for we
heard the coach stop at the little garden gate  which brought my
aunt and Dora home 

 Not a word  boy   he pursued in a whisper   leave all the blame
with Dick   simple Dick   mad Dick   I have been thinking  sir  for
some time  that I was getting it  and now I have got it   After
what you have said to me  I am sure I have got it   All right   Not
another word did Mr  Dick utter on the subject  but he made a very
telegraph of himself for the next half hour  to the great
disturbance of my aunt s mind   to enjoin inviolable secrecy on me 

To my surprise  I heard no more about it for some two or three
weeks  though I was sufficiently interested in the result of his
endeavours  descrying a strange gleam of good sense   I say nothing
of good feeling  for that he always exhibited   in the conclusion
to which he had come   At last I began to believe  that  in the
flighty and unsettled state of his mind  he had either forgotten
his intention or abandoned it 

One fair evening  when Dora was not inclined to go out  my aunt and
I strolled up to the Doctor s cottage   It was autumn  when there
were no debates to vex the evening air  and I remember how the
leaves smelt like our garden at Blunderstone as we trod them under
foot  and how the old  unhappy feeling  seemed to go by  on the
sighing wind 

It was twilight when we reached the cottage   Mrs  Strong was just
coming out of the garden  where Mr  Dick yet lingered  busy with
his knife  helping the gardener to point some stakes   The Doctor
was engaged with someone in his study  but the visitor would be
gone directly  Mrs  Strong said  and begged us to remain and see
him   We went into the drawing room with her  and sat down by the
darkening window   There was never any ceremony about the visits of
such old friends and neighbours as we were 

We had not sat here many minutes  when Mrs  Markleham  who usually
contrived to be in a fuss about something  came bustling in  with
her newspaper in her hand  and said  out of breath   My goodness
gracious  Annie  why didn t you tell me there was someone in the
Study  

 My dear mama   she quietly returned   how could I know that you
desired the information  

 Desired the information   said Mrs  Markleham  sinking on the
sofa    I never had such a turn in all my life  

 Have you been to the Study  then  mama   asked Annie 

 BEEN to the Study  my dear   she returned emphatically    Indeed
I have   I came upon the amiable creature   if you ll imagine my
feelings  Miss Trotwood and David   in the act of making his will  

Her daughter looked round from the window quickly 

 In the act  my dear Annie   repeated Mrs  Markleham  spreading the
newspaper on her lap like a table cloth  and patting her hands upon
it   of making his last Will and Testament   The foresight and
affection of the dear   I must tell you how it was   I really must 
in justice to the darling   for he is nothing less    tell you how
it was   Perhaps you know  Miss Trotwood  that there is never a
candle lighted in this house  until one s eyes are literally
falling out of one s head with being stretched to read the paper 
And that there is not a chair in this house  in which a paper can
be what I call  read  except one in the Study   This took me to the
Study  where I saw a light   I opened the door   In company with
the dear Doctor were two professional people  evidently connected
with the law  and they were all three standing at the table  the
darling Doctor pen in hand    This simply expresses then   said the
Doctor   Annie  my love  attend to the very words    this simply
expresses then  gentlemen  the confidence I have in Mrs  Strong 
and gives her all unconditionally   One of the professional people
replied   And gives her all unconditionally   Upon that  with the
natural feelings of a mother  I said   Good God  I beg your
pardon   fell over the door step  and came away through the little
back passage where the pantry is  

Mrs  Strong opened the window  and went out into the verandah 
where she stood leaning against a pillar 

 But now isn t it  Miss Trotwood  isn t it  David  invigorating  
said Mrs  Markleham  mechanically following her with her eyes   to
find a man at Doctor Strong s time of life  with the strength of
mind to do this kind of thing   It only shows how right I was   I
said to Annie  when Doctor Strong paid a very flattering visit to
myself  and made her the subject of a declaration and an offer  I
said   My dear  there is no doubt whatever  in my opinion  with
reference to a suitable provision for you  that Doctor Strong will
do more than he binds himself to do   

Here the bell rang  and we heard the sound of the visitors  feet as
they went out 

 It s all over  no doubt   said the Old Soldier  after listening 
 the dear creature has signed  sealed  and delivered  and his
mind s at rest   Well it may be   What a mind   Annie  my love  I
am going to the Study with my paper  for I am a poor creature
without news   Miss Trotwood  David  pray come and see the Doctor  

I was conscious of Mr  Dick s standing in the shadow of the room 
shutting up his knife  when we accompanied her to the Study  and of
my aunt s rubbing her nose violently  by the way  as a mild vent
for her intolerance of our military friend  but who got first into
the Study  or how Mrs  Markleham settled herself in a moment in her
easy chair  or how my aunt and I came to be left together near the
door  unless her eyes were quicker than mine  and she held me
back   I have forgotten  if I ever knew   But this I know    that
we saw the Doctor before he saw us  sitting at his table  among the
folio volumes in which he delighted  resting his head calmly on his
hand   That  in the same moment  we saw Mrs  Strong glide in  pale
and trembling   That Mr  Dick supported her on his arm   That he
laid his other hand upon the Doctor s arm  causing him to look up
with an abstracted air   That  as the Doctor moved his head  his
wife dropped down on one knee at his feet  and  with her hands
imploringly lifted  fixed upon his face the memorable look I had
never forgotten   That at this sight Mrs  Markleham dropped the
newspaper  and stared more like a figure head intended for a ship
to be called The Astonishment  than anything else I can think of 

The gentleness of the Doctor s manner and surprise  the dignity
that mingled with the supplicating attitude of his wife  the
amiable concern of Mr  Dick  and the earnestness with which my aunt
said to herself   That man mad    triumphantly expressive of the
misery from which she had saved him    I see and hear  rather than
remember  as I write about it 

 Doctor   said Mr  Dick    What is it that s amiss   Look here  

 Annie   cried the Doctor    Not at my feet  my dear  

 Yes   she said    I beg and pray that no one will leave the room 
Oh  my husband and father  break this long silence   Let us both
know what it is that has come between us  

Mrs  Markleham  by this time recovering the power of speech  and
seeming to swell with family pride and motherly indignation  here
exclaimed   Annie  get up immediately  and don t disgrace everybody
belonging to you by humbling yourself like that  unless you wish to
see me go out of my mind on the spot  

 Mama   returned Annie    Waste no words on me  for my appeal is to
my husband  and even you are nothing here  

 Nothing   exclaimed Mrs  Markleham    Me  nothing  The child has
taken leave of her senses   Please to get me a glass of water  

I was too attentive to the Doctor and his wife  to give any heed to
this request  and it made no impression on anybody else  so Mrs 
Markleham panted  stared  and fanned herself 

 Annie   said the Doctor  tenderly taking her in his hands    My
dear   If any unavoidable change has come  in the sequence of time 
upon our married life  you are not to blame   The fault is mine 
and only mine   There is no change in my affection  admiration  and
respect   I wish to make you happy   I truly love and honour you 
Rise  Annie  pray  

But she did not rise   After looking at him for a little while  she
sank down closer to him  laid her arm across his knee  and dropping
her head upon it  said 

 If I have any friend here  who can speak one word for me  or for
my husband in this matter  if I have any friend here  who can give
a voice to any suspicion that my heart has sometimes whispered to
me  if I have any friend here  who honours my husband  or has ever
cared for me  and has anything within his knowledge  no matter what
it is  that may help to mediate between us  I implore that friend
to speak  

There was a profound silence   After a few moments of painful
hesitation  I broke the silence 

 Mrs  Strong   I said   there is something within my knowledge 
which I have been earnestly entreated by Doctor Strong to conceal 
and have concealed until tonight   But  I believe the time has come
when it would be mistaken faith and delicacy to conceal it any
longer  and when your appeal absolves me from his injunction  

She turned her face towards me for a moment  and I knew that I was
right   I could not have resisted its entreaty  if the assurance
that it gave me had been less convincing 

 Our future peace   she said   may be in your hands   I trust it
confidently to your not suppressing anything   I know beforehand
that nothing you  or anyone  can tell me  will show my husband s
noble heart in any other light than one   Howsoever it may seem to
you to touch me  disregard that   I will speak for myself  before
him  and before God afterwards  

Thus earnestly besought  I made no reference to the Doctor for his
permission  but  without any other compromise of the truth than a
little softening of the coarseness of Uriah Heep  related plainly
what had passed in that same room that night   The staring of Mrs 
Markleham during the whole narration  and the shrill  sharp
interjections with which she occasionally interrupted it  defy
description 

When I had finished  Annie remained  for some few moments  silent 
with her head bent down  as I have described   Then  she took the
Doctor s hand  he was sitting in the same attitude as when we had
entered the room   and pressed it to her breast  and kissed it 
Mr  Dick softly raised her  and she stood  when she began to speak 
leaning on him  and looking down upon her husband   from whom she
never turned her eyes 

 All that has ever been in my mind  since I was married   she said
in a low  submissive  tender voice   I will lay bare before you 
I could not live and have one reservation  knowing what I know
now  

 Nay  Annie   said the Doctor  mildly   I have never doubted you 
my child   There is no need  indeed there is no need  my dear  

 There is great need   she answered  in the same way   that I
should open my whole heart before the soul of generosity and truth 
whom  year by year  and day by day  I have loved and venerated more
and more  as Heaven knows  

 Really   interrupted Mrs  Markleham   if I have any discretion at
all   

  Which you haven t  you Marplot   observed my aunt  in an
indignant whisper  

   I must be permitted to observe that it cannot be requisite to
enter into these details  

 No one but my husband can judge of that  mama   said Annie without
removing her eyes from his face   and he will hear me   If I say
anything to give you pain  mama  forgive me   I have borne pain
first  often and long  myself  

 Upon my word   gasped Mrs  Markleham 

 When I was very young   said Annie   quite a little child  my
first associations with knowledge of any kind were inseparable from
a patient friend and teacher   the friend of my dead father   who
was always dear to me   I can remember nothing that I know  without
remembering him   He stored my mind with its first treasures  and
stamped his character upon them all   They never could have been 
I think  as good as they have been to me  if I had taken them from
any other hands  

 Makes her mother nothing   exclaimed Mrs  Markleham 

 Not so mama   said Annie   but I make him what he was   I must do
that   As I grew up  he occupied the same place still   I was proud
of his interest  deeply  fondly  gratefully attached to him   I
looked up to him  I can hardly describe how   as a father  as a
guide  as one whose praise was different from all other praise  as
one in whom I could have trusted and confided  if I had doubted all
the world   You know  mama  how young and inexperienced I was  when
you presented him before me  of a sudden  as a lover  

 I have mentioned the fact  fifty times at least  to everybody
here   said Mrs  Markleham 

  Then hold your tongue  for the Lord s sake  and don t mention it
any more   muttered my aunt  

 It was so great a change  so great a loss  I felt it  at first  
said Annie  still preserving the same look and tone   that I was
agitated and distressed   I was but a girl  and when so great a
change came in the character in which I had so long looked up to
him  I think I was sorry   But nothing could have made him what he
used to be again  and I was proud that he should think me so
worthy  and we were married  
   At Saint Alphage  Canterbury   observed Mrs  Markleham 

  Confound the woman   said my aunt   she WON T be quiet   

 I never thought   proceeded Annie  with a heightened colour   of
any worldly gain that my husband would bring to me   My young heart
had no room in its homage for any such poor reference   Mama 
forgive me when I say that it was you who first presented to my
mind the thought that anyone could wrong me  and wrong him  by such
a cruel suspicion  

 Me   cried Mrs  Markleham 

  Ah   You  to be sure   observed my aunt   and you can t fan it
away  my military friend   

 It was the first unhappiness of my new life   said Annie    It was
the first occasion of every unhappy moment I have known   These
moments have been more  of late  than I can count  but not   my
generous husband    not for the reason you suppose  for in my heart
there is not a thought  a recollection  or a hope  that any power
could separate from you  

She raised her eyes  and clasped her hands  and looked as beautiful
and true  I thought  as any Spirit   The Doctor looked on her 
henceforth  as steadfastly as she on him 

 Mama is blameless   she went on   of having ever urged you for
herself  and she is blameless in intention every way  I am sure   
but when I saw how many importunate claims were pressed upon you in
my name  how you were traded on in my name  how generous you were 
and how Mr  Wickfield  who had your welfare very much at heart 
resented it  the first sense of my exposure to the mean suspicion
that my tenderness was bought   and sold to you  of all men on
earth   fell upon me like unmerited disgrace  in which I forced you
to participate   I cannot tell you what it was   mama cannot
imagine what it was   to have this dread and trouble always on my
mind  yet know in my own soul that on my marriage day I crowned the
love and honour of my life  

 A specimen of the thanks one gets   cried Mrs  Markleham  in
tears   for taking care of one s family   I wish I was a Turk  

  I wish you were  with all my heart   and in your native country  
said my aunt  

 It was at that time that mama was most solicitous about my Cousin
Maldon   I had liked him   she spoke softly  but without any
hesitation   very much   We had been little lovers once   If
circumstances had not happened otherwise  I might have come to
persuade myself that I really loved him  and might have married
him  and been most wretched   There can be no disparity in marriage
like unsuitability of mind and purpose  

I pondered on those words  even while I was studiously attending to
what followed  as if they had some particular interest  or some
strange application that I could not divine    There can be no
disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and purpose    no
disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and purpose  

 There is nothing   said Annie   that we have in common   I have
long found that there is nothing   If I were thankful to my husband
for no more  instead of for so much  I should be thankful to him
for having saved me from the first mistaken impulse of my
undisciplined heart  

She stood quite still  before the Doctor  and spoke with an
earnestness that thrilled me   Yet her voice was just as quiet as
before 

 When he was waiting to be the object of your munificence  so
freely bestowed for my sake  and when I was unhappy in the
mercenary shape I was made to wear  I thought it would have become
him better to have worked his own way on   I thought that if I had
been he  I would have tried to do it  at the cost of almost any
hardship   But I thought no worse of him  until the night of his
departure for India   That night I knew he had a false and
thankless heart   I saw a double meaning  then  in Mr  Wickfield s
scrutiny of me   I perceived  for the first time  the dark
suspicion that shadowed my life  

 Suspicion  Annie   said the Doctor    No  no  no  

 In your mind there was none  I know  my husband   she returned 
 And when I came to you  that night  to lay down all my load of
shame and grief  and knew that I had to tell that  underneath your
roof  one of my own kindred  to whom you had been a benefactor  for
the love of me  had spoken to me words that should have found no
utterance  even if I had been the weak and mercenary wretch he
thought me   my mind revolted from the taint the very tale
conveyed   It died upon my lips  and from that hour till now has
never passed them  

Mrs  Markleham  with a short groan  leaned back in her easy chair 
and retired behind her fan  as if she were never coming out any
more 

 I have never  but in your presence  interchanged a word with him
from that time  then  only when it has been necessary for the
avoidance of this explanation   Years have passed since he knew 
from me  what his situation here was   The kindnesses you have
secretly done for his advancement  and then disclosed to me  for my
surprise and pleasure  have been  you will believe  but
aggravations of the unhappiness and burden of my secret  

She sunk down gently at the Doctor s feet  though he did his utmost
to prevent her  and said  looking up  tearfully  into his face 

 Do not speak to me yet   Let me say a little more   Right or
wrong  if this were to be done again  I think I should do just the
same   You never can know what it was to be devoted to you  with
those old associations  to find that anyone could be so hard as to
suppose that the truth of my heart was bartered away  and to be
surrounded by appearances confirming that belief   I was very
young  and had no adviser   Between mama and me  in all relating to
you  there was a wide division   If I shrunk into myself  hiding
the disrespect I had undergone  it was because I honoured you so
much  and so much wished that you should honour me  

 Annie  my pure heart   said the Doctor   my dear girl  

 A little more  a very few words more   I used to think there were
so many whom you might have married  who would not have brought
such charge and trouble on you  and who would have made your home
a worthier home   I used to be afraid that I had better have
remained your pupil  and almost your child   I used to fear that I
was so unsuited to your learning and wisdom   If all this made me
shrink within myself  as indeed it did   when I had that to tell 
it was still because I honoured you so much  and hoped that you
might one day honour me  

 That day has shone this long time  Annie   said the Doctor  and
can have but one long night  my dear  

 Another word   I afterwards meant   steadfastly meant  and
purposed to myself   to bear the whole weight of knowing the
unworthiness of one to whom you had been so good   And now a last
word  dearest and best of friends   The cause of the late change in
you  which I have seen with so much pain and sorrow  and have
sometimes referred to my old apprehension   at other times to
lingering suppositions nearer to the truth   has been made clear
tonight  and by an accident I have also come to know  tonight  the
full measure of your noble trust in me  even under that mistake 
I do not hope that any love and duty I may render in return  will
ever make me worthy of your priceless confidence  but with all this
knowledge fresh upon me  I can lift my eyes to this dear face 
revered as a father s  loved as a husband s  sacred to me in my
childhood as a friend s  and solemnly declare that in my lightest
thought I have never wronged you  never wavered in the love and the
fidelity I owe you  

She had her arms around the Doctor s neck  and he leant his head
down over her  mingling his grey hair with her dark brown tresses 

 Oh  hold me to your heart  my husband   Never cast me out   Do not
think or speak of disparity between us  for there is none  except
in all my many imperfections   Every succeeding year I have known
this better  as I have esteemed you more and more   Oh  take me to
your heart  my husband  for my love was founded on a rock  and it
endures  

In the silence that ensued  my aunt walked gravely up to Mr  Dick 
without at all hurrying herself  and gave him a hug and a sounding
kiss   And it was very fortunate  with a view to his credit  that
she did so  for I am confident that I detected him at that moment
in the act of making preparations to stand on one leg  as an
appropriate expression of delight 

 You are a very remarkable man  Dick   said my aunt  with an air of
unqualified approbation   and never pretend to be anything else 
for I know better  

With that  my aunt pulled him by the sleeve  and nodded to me  and
we three stole quietly out of the room  and came away 

 That s a settler for our military friend  at any rate   said my
aunt  on the way home    I should sleep the better for that  if
there was nothing else to be glad of  

 She was quite overcome  I am afraid   said Mr  Dick  with great
commiseration 

 What   Did you ever see a crocodile overcome   inquired my aunt 

 I don t think I ever saw a crocodile   returned Mr  Dick  mildly 

 There never would have been anything the matter  if it hadn t been
for that old Animal   said my aunt  with strong emphasis    It s
very much to be wished that some mothers would leave their
daughters alone after marriage  and not be so violently
affectionate   They seem to think the only return that can be made
them for bringing an unfortunate young woman into the world   God
bless my soul  as if she asked to be brought  or wanted to come   
is full liberty to worry her out of it again   What are you
thinking of  Trot  

I was thinking of all that had been said   My mind was still
running on some of the expressions used    There can be no
disparity in marriage like unsuitability of mind and purpose  
 The first mistaken impulse of an undisciplined heart     My love
was founded on a rock    But we were at home  and the trodden
leaves were lying under foot  and the autumn wind was blowing 



CHAPTER   
INTELLIGENCE


I must have been married  if I may trust to my imperfect memory for
dates  about a year or so  when one evening  as I was returning
from a solitary walk  thinking of the book I was then writing   for
my success had steadily increased with my steady application  and
I was engaged at that time upon my first work of fiction   I came
past Mrs  Steerforth s house   I had often passed it before  during
my residence in that neighbourhood  though never when I could
choose another road   Howbeit  it did sometimes happen that it was
not easy to find another  without making a long circuit  and so I
had passed that way  upon the whole  pretty often 

I had never done more than glance at the house  as I went by with
a quickened step   It had been uniformly gloomy and dull   None of
the best rooms abutted on the road  and the narrow  heavily framed
old fashioned windows  never cheerful under any circumstances 
looked very dismal  close shut  and with their blinds always drawn
down   There was a covered way across a little paved court  to an
entrance that was never used  and there was one round staircase
window  at odds with all the rest  and the only one unshaded by a
blind  which had the same unoccupied blank look   I do not remember
that I ever saw a light in all the house   If I had been a casual
passer by  I should have probably supposed that some childless
person lay dead in it   If I had happily possessed no knowledge of
the place  and had seen it often in that changeless state  I should
have pleased my fancy with many ingenious speculations  I dare say 

As it was  I thought as little of it as I might   But my mind could
not go by it and leave it  as my body did  and it usually awakened
a long train of meditations   Coming before me  on this particular
evening that I mention  mingled with the childish recollections and
later fancies  the ghosts of half formed hopes  the broken shadows
of disappointments dimly seen and understood  the blending of
experience and imagination  incidental to the occupation with which
my thoughts had been busy  it was more than commonly suggestive 
I fell into a brown study as I walked on  and a voice at my side
made me start 

It was a woman s voice  too   I was not long in recollecting Mrs 
Steerforth s little parlour maid  who had formerly worn blue
ribbons in her cap   She had taken them out now  to adapt herself 
I suppose  to the altered character of the house  and wore but one
or two disconsolate bows of sober brown 

 If you please  sir  would you have the goodness to walk in  and
speak to Miss Dartle  

 Has Miss Dartle sent you for me   I inquired 

 Not tonight  sir  but it s just the same   Miss Dartle saw you
pass
a night or two ago  and I was to sit at work on the staircase  and
when I saw you pass again  to ask you to step in and speak to her  

I turned back  and inquired of my conductor  as we went along  how
Mrs  Steerforth was   She said her lady was but poorly  and kept
her own room a good deal 

When we arrived at the house  I was directed to Miss Dartle in the
garden  and left to make my presence known to her myself   She was
sitting on a seat at one end of a kind of terrace  overlooking the
great city   It was a sombre evening  with a lurid light in the
sky  and as I saw the prospect scowling in the distance  with here
and there some larger object starting up into the sullen glare  I
fancied it was no inapt companion to the memory of this fierce
woman 

She saw me as I advanced  and rose for a moment to receive me   I
thought her  then  still more colourless and thin than when I had
seen her last  the flashing eyes still brighter  and the scar still
plainer 

Our meeting was not cordial   We had parted angrily on the last
occasion  and there was an air of disdain about her  which she took
no pains to conceal 

 I am told you wish to speak to me  Miss Dartle   said I  standing
near her  with my hand upon the back of the seat  and declining her
gesture of invitation to sit down 

 If you please   said she    Pray has this girl been found  

 No  

 And yet she has run away  

I saw her thin lips working while she looked at me  as if they were
eager to load her with reproaches 

 Run away   I repeated 

 Yes  From him   she said  with a laugh    If she is not found 
perhaps she never will be found   She may be dead  

The vaunting cruelty with which she met my glance  I never saw
expressed in any other face that ever I have seen 

 To wish her dead   said I   may be the kindest wish that one of
her own sex could bestow upon her   I am glad that time has
softened you so much  Miss Dartle  

She condescended to make no reply  but  turning on me with another
scornful laugh  said 

 The friends of this excellent and much injured young lady are
friends of yours   You are their champion  and assert their rights 
Do you wish to know what is known of her  

 Yes   said I 

She rose with an ill favoured smile  and taking a few steps towards
a wall of holly that was near at hand  dividing the lawn from a
kitchen garden  said  in a louder voice   Come here     as if she
were calling to some unclean beast 

 You will restrain any demonstrative championship or vengeance in
this place  of course  Mr  Copperfield   said she  looking over her
shoulder at me with the same expression 

I inclined my head  without knowing what she meant  and she said 
 Come here   again  and returned  followed by the respectable Mr 
Littimer  who  with undiminished respectability  made me a bow  and
took up his position behind her   The air of wicked grace  of
triumph  in which  strange to say  there was yet something feminine
and alluring  with which she reclined upon the seat between us  and
looked at me  was worthy of a cruel Princess in a Legend 

 Now   said she  imperiously  without glancing at him  and touching
the old wound as it throbbed  perhaps  in this instance  with
pleasure rather than pain    Tell Mr  Copperfield about the
flight  

 Mr  James and myself  ma am   

 Don t address yourself to me   she interrupted with a frown 

 Mr  James and myself  sir   

 Nor to me  if you please   said I 

Mr  Littimer  without being at all discomposed  signified by a
slight obeisance  that anything that was most agreeable to us was
most agreeable to him  and began again 

 Mr  James and myself have been abroad with the young woman  ever
since she left Yarmouth under Mr  james s protection   We have been
in a variety of places  and seen a deal of foreign country   We
have been in France  Switzerland  Italy  in fact  almost all
parts  

He looked at the back of the seat  as if he were addressing himself
to that  and softly played upon it with his hands  as if he were
striking chords upon a dumb piano 

 Mr  James took quite uncommonly to the young woman  and was more
settled  for a length of time  than I have known him to be since I
have been in his service   The young woman was very improvable  and
spoke the languages  and wouldn t have been known for the same
country person   I noticed that she was much admired wherever we
went  

Miss Dartle put her hand upon her side   I saw him steal a glance
at her  and slightly smile to himself 

 Very much admired  indeed  the young woman was   What with her
dress  what with the air and sun  what with being made so much of 
what with this  that  and the other  her merits really attracted
general notice  

He made a short pause   Her eyes wandered restlessly over the
distant prospect  and she bit her nether lip to stop that busy
mouth 

Taking his hands from the seat  and placing one of them within the
other  as he settled himself on one leg  Mr  Littimer proceeded 
with his eyes cast down  and his respectable head a little
advanced  and a little on one side 

 The young woman went on in this manner for some time  being
occasionally low in her spirits  until I think she began to weary
Mr  James by giving way to her low spirits and tempers of that
kind  and things were not so comfortable   Mr  James he began to be
restless again   The more restless he got  the worse she got  and
I must say  for myself  that I had a very difficult time of it
indeed between the two   Still matters were patched up here  and
made good there  over and over again  and altogether lasted  I am
sure  for a longer time than anybody could have expected  

Recalling her eyes from the distance  she looked at me again now 
with her former air   Mr  Littimer  clearing his throat behind his
hand with a respectable short cough  changed legs  and went on 

 At last  when there had been  upon the whole  a good many words
and reproaches  Mr  James he set off one morning  from the
neighbourhood of Naples  where we had a villa  the young woman
being very partial to the sea   and  under pretence of coming back
in a day or so  left it in charge with me to break it out  that 
for the general happiness of all concerned  he was    here an
interruption of the short cough    gone   But Mr  James  I must
say  certainly did behave extremely honourable  for he proposed
that the young woman should marry a very respectable person  who
was fully prepared to overlook the past  and who was  at least  as
good as anybody the young woman could have aspired to in a regular
way  her connexions being very common  

He changed legs again  and wetted his lips   I was convinced that
the scoundrel spoke of himself  and I saw my conviction reflected
in Miss Dartle s face 

 This I also had it in charge to communicate   I was willing to do
anything to relieve Mr  James from his difficulty  and to restore
harmony between himself and an affectionate parent  who has
undergone so much on his account   Therefore I undertook the
commission   The young woman s violence when she came to  after I
broke the fact of his departure  was beyond all expectations   She
was quite mad  and had to be held by force  or  if she couldn t
have got to a knife  or got to the sea  she d have beaten her head
against the marble floor  

Miss Dartle  leaning back upon the seat  with a light of exultation
in her face  seemed almost to caress the sounds this fellow had
uttered 

 But when I came to the second part of what had been entrusted to
me   said Mr  Littimer  rubbing his hands uneasily   which anybody
might have supposed would have been  at all events  appreciated as
a kind intention  then the young woman came out in her true
colours   A more outrageous person I never did see   Her conduct
was surprisingly bad   She had no more gratitude  no more feeling 
no more patience  no more reason in her  than a stock or a stone 
If I hadn t been upon my guard  I am convinced she would have had
my blood  

 I think the better of her for it   said I  indignantly 

Mr  Littimer bent his head  as much as to say   Indeed  sir   But
you re young   and resumed his narrative 

 It was necessary  in short  for a time  to take away everything
nigh her  that she could do herself  or anybody else  an injury
with  and to shut her up close   Notwithstanding which  she got out
in the night  forced the lattice of a window  that I had nailed up
myself  dropped on a vine that was trailed below  and never has
been seen or heard of  to my knowledge  since  

 She is dead  perhaps   said Miss Dartle  with a smile  as if she
could have spurned the body of the ruined girl 

 She may have drowned herself  miss   returned Mr  Littimer 
catching at an excuse for addressing himself to somebody    It s
very possible   Or  she may have had assistance from the boatmen 
and the boatmen s wives and children   Being given to low company 
she was very much in the habit of talking to them on the beach 
Miss Dartle  and sitting by their boats   I have known her do it 
when Mr  James has been away  whole days   Mr  James was far from
pleased to find out  once  that she had told the children she was
a boatman s daughter  and that in her own country  long ago  she
had roamed about the beach  like them  

Oh  Emily  Unhappy beauty  What a picture rose before me of her
sitting on the far off shore  among the children like herself when
she was innocent  listening to little voices such as might have
called her Mother had she been a poor man s wife  and to the great
voice of the sea  with its eternal  Never more  

 When it was clear that nothing could be done  Miss Dartle   

 Did I tell you not to speak to me   she said  with stern contempt 

 You spoke to me  miss   he replied    I beg your pardon   But it
is my service to obey  

 Do your service   she returned    Finish your story  and go  

 When it was clear   he said  with infinite respectability and an
obedient bow   that she was not to be found  I went to Mr  James 
at the place where it had been agreed that I should write to him 
and informed him of what had occurred   Words passed between us in
consequence  and I felt it due to my character to leave him   I
could bear  and I have borne  a great deal from Mr  James  but he
insulted me too far   He hurt me   Knowing the unfortunate
difference between himself and his mother  and what her anxiety of
mind was likely to be  I took the liberty of coming home to
England  and relating   

 For money which I paid him   said Miss Dartle to me 

 Just so  ma am   and relating what I knew   I am not aware   said
Mr  Littimer  after a moment s reflection   that there is anything
else   I am at present out of employment  and should be happy to
meet with a respectable situation  

Miss Dartle glanced at me  as though she would inquire if there
were anything that I desired to ask   As there was something which
had occurred to my mind  I said in reply 

 I could wish to know from this   creature   I could not bring
myself to utter any more conciliatory word   whether they
intercepted a letter that was written to her from home  or whether
he supposes that she received it  

He remained calm and silent  with his eyes fixed on the ground  and
the tip of every finger of his right hand delicately poised against
the tip of every finger of his left 

Miss Dartle turned her head disdainfully towards him 

 I beg your pardon  miss   he said  awakening from his abstraction 
 but  however submissive to you  I have my position  though a
servant   Mr  Copperfield and you  miss  are different people   If
Mr  Copperfield wishes to know anything from me  I take the liberty
of reminding Mr  Copperfield that he can put a question to me   I
have a character to maintain  

After a momentary struggle with myself  I turned my eyes upon him 
and said   You have heard my question   Consider it addressed to
yourself  if you choose   What answer do you make  

 Sir   he rejoined  with an occasional separation and reunion of
those delicate tips   my answer must be qualified  because  to
betray Mr  james s confidence to his mother  and to betray it to
you  are two different actions   It is not probable  I consider 
that Mr  James would encourage the receipt of letters likely to
increase low spirits and unpleasantness  but further than that 
sir  I should wish to avoid going  

 Is that all   inquired Miss Dartle of me 

I indicated that I had nothing more to say    Except   I added  as
I saw him moving off   that I understand this fellow s part in the
wicked story  and that  as I shall make it known to the honest man
who has been her father from her childhood  I would recommend him
to avoid going too much into public  

He had stopped the moment I began  and had listened with his usual
repose of manner 

 Thank you  sir   But you ll excuse me if I say  sir  that there
are neither slaves nor slave drivers in this country  and that
people are not allowed to take the law into their own hands   If
they do  it is more to their own peril  I believe  than to other
people s   Consequently speaking  I am not at all afraid of going
wherever I may wish  sir  

With that  he made a polite bow  and  with another to Miss Dartle 
went away through the arch in the wall of holly by which he had
come   Miss Dartle and I regarded each other for a little while in
silence  her manner being exactly what it was  when she had
produced the man 

 He says besides   she observed  with a slow curling of her lip 
 that his master  as he hears  is coasting Spain  and this done  is
away to gratify his seafaring tastes till he is weary   But this is
of no interest to you   Between these two proud persons  mother and
son  there is a wider breach than before  and little hope of its
healing  for they are one at heart  and time makes each more
obstinate and imperious   Neither is this of any interest to you 
but it introduces what I wish to say   This devil whom you make an
angel of   I mean this low girl whom he picked out of the
tide mud   with her black eyes full upon me  and her passionate
finger up   may be alive    for I believe some common things are
hard to die   If she is  you will desire to have a pearl of such
price found and taken care of   We desire that  too  that he may
not by any chance be made her prey again   So far  we are united in
one interest  and that is why I  who would do her any mischief that
so coarse a wretch is capable of feeling  have sent for you to hear
what you have heard  

I saw  by the change in her face  that someone was advancing behind
me   It was Mrs  Steerforth  who gave me her hand more coldly than
of yore  and with an augmentation of her former stateliness of
manner  but still  I perceived   and I was touched by it   with an
ineffaceable remembrance of my old love for her son   She was
greatly altered   Her fine figure was far less upright  her
handsome face was deeply marked  and her hair was almost white 
But when she sat down on the seat  she was a handsome lady still 
and well I knew the bright eye with its lofty look  that had been
a light in my very dreams at school 

 Is Mr  Copperfield informed of everything  Rosa  

 Yes  

 And has he heard Littimer himself  

 Yes  I have told him why you wished it  
 You are a good girl   I have had some slight correspondence with
your former friend  sir   addressing me   but it has not restored
his sense of duty or natural obligation   Therefore I have no other
object in this  than what Rosa has mentioned   If  by the course
which may relieve the mind of the decent man you brought here  for
whom I am sorry   I can say no more   my son may be saved from
again falling into the snares of a designing enemy  well  

She drew herself up  and sat looking straight before her  far away 

 Madam   I said respectfully   I understand   I assure you I am in
no danger of putting any strained construction on your motives 
But I must say  even to you  having known this injured family from
childhood  that if you suppose the girl  so deeply wronged  has not
been cruelly deluded  and would not rather die a hundred deaths
than take a cup of water from your son s hand now  you cherish a
terrible mistake  

 Well  Rosa  well   said Mrs  Steerforth  as the other was about to
interpose   it is no matter   Let it be   You are married  sir  I
am told  

I answered that I had been some time married 

 And are doing well   I hear little in the quiet life I lead  but
I understand you are beginning to be famous  

 I have been very fortunate   I said   and find my name connected
with some praise  

 You have no mother     in a softened voice 

 No  

 It is a pity   she returned    She would have been proud of you 
Good night  

I took the hand she held out with a dignified  unbending air  and
it was as calm in mine as if her breast had been at peace   Her
pride could still its very pulses  it appeared  and draw the placid
veil before her face  through which she sat looking straight before
her on the far distance 

As I moved away from them along the terrace  I could not help
observing how steadily they both sat gazing on the prospect  and
how it thickened and closed around them   Here and there  some
early lamps were seen to twinkle in the distant city  and in the
eastern quarter of the sky the lurid light still hovered   But 
from the greater part of the broad valley interposed  a mist was
rising like a sea  which  mingling with the darkness  made it seem
as if the gathering waters would encompass them   I have reason to
remember this  and think of it with awe  for before I looked upon
those two again  a stormy sea had risen to their feet 

Reflecting on what had been thus told me  I felt it right that it
should be communicated to Mr  Peggotty   On the following evening
I went into London in quest of him   He was always wandering about
from place to place  with his one object of recovering his niece
before him  but was more in London than elsewhere   Often and
often  now  had I seen him in the dead of night passing along the
streets  searching  among the few who loitered out of doors at
those untimely hours  for what he dreaded to find 

He kept a lodging over the little chandler s shop in Hungerford
Market  which I have had occasion to mention more than once  and
from which he first went forth upon his errand of mercy   Hither I
directed my walk   On making inquiry for him  I learned from the
people of the house that he had not gone out yet  and I should find
him in his room upstairs 

He was sitting reading by a window in which he kept a few plants 
The room was very neat and orderly   I saw in a moment that it was
always kept prepared for her reception  and that he never went out
but he thought it possible he might bring her home   He had not
heard my tap at the door  and only raised his eyes when I laid my
hand upon his shoulder 

 Mas r Davy  Thankee  sir  thankee hearty  for this visit  Sit ye
down   You re kindly welcome  sir  

 Mr  Peggotty   said I  taking the chair he handed me   don t
expect much  I have heard some news  

 Of Em ly  

He put his hand  in a nervous manner  on his mouth  and turned
pale  as he fixed his eyes on mine 

 It gives no clue to where she is  but she is not with him  

He sat down  looking intently at me  and listened in profound
silence to all I had to tell   I well remember the sense of
dignity  beauty even  with which the patient gravity of his face
impressed me  when  having gradually removed his eyes from mine  he
sat looking downward  leaning his forehead on his hand   He offered
no interruption  but remained throughout perfectly still   He
seemed to pursue her figure through the narrative  and to let every
other shape go by him  as if it were nothing 

When I had done  he shaded his face  and continued silent   I
looked out of the window for a little while  and occupied myself
with the plants 

 How do you fare to feel about it  Mas r Davy   he inquired at
length 

 I think that she is living   I replied 

 I doen t know   Maybe the first shock was too rough  and in the
wildness of her art    That there blue water as she used to speak
on   Could she have thowt o  that so many year  because it was to
be her grave  

He said this  musing  in a low  frightened voice  and walked across
the little room 

 And yet   he added   Mas r Davy  I have felt so sure as she was
living   I have know d  awake and sleeping  as it was so trew that
I should find her   I have been so led on by it  and held up by it
  that I doen t believe I can have been deceived   No  Em ly s
alive  

He put his hand down firmly on the table  and set his sunburnt face
into a resolute expression 

 My niece  Em ly  is alive  sir   he said  steadfastly    I doen t
know wheer it comes from  or how  tis  but I am told as she s
alive  

He looked almost like a man inspired  as he said it   I waited for
a few moments  until he could give me his undivided attention  and
then proceeded to explain the precaution  that  it had occurred to
me last night  it would be wise to take 

 Now  my dear friend   I began 

 Thankee  thankee  kind sir   he said  grasping my hand in both of
his 

 If she should make her way to London  which is likely   for where
could she lose herself so readily as in this vast city  and what
would she wish to do  but lose and hide herself  if she does not go
home     

 And she won t go home   he interposed  shaking his head
mournfully    If she had left of her own accord  she might  not as
It was  sir  

 If she should come here   said I   I believe there is one person 
here  more likely to discover her than any other in the world   Do
you remember   hear what I say  with fortitude   think of your
great object    do you remember Martha  

 Of our town  

I needed no other answer than his face 

 Do you know that she is in London  

 I have seen her in the streets   he answered  with a shiver 

 But you don t know   said I   that Emily was charitable to her 
with Ham s help  long before she fled from home   Nor  that  when
we met one night  and spoke together in the room yonder  over the
way  she listened at the door  

 Mas r Davy   he replied in astonishment    That night when it snew
so hard  

 That night   I have never seen her since   I went back  after
parting from you  to speak to her  but she was gone   I was
unwilling to mention her to you then  and I am now  but she is the
person of whom I speak  and with whom I think we should
communicate   Do you understand  

 Too well  sir   he replied   We had sunk our voices  almost to a
whisper  and continued to speak in that tone 

 You say you have seen her   Do you think that you could find her 
I could only hope to do so by chance  

 I think  Mas r Davy  I know wheer to look  

 It is dark   Being together  shall we go out now  and try to find
her tonight  

He assented  and prepared to accompany me   Without appearing to
observe what he was doing  I saw how carefully he adjusted the
little room  put a candle ready and the means of lighting it 
arranged the bed  and finally took out of a drawer one of her
dresses  I remember to have seen her wear it   neatly folded with
some other garments  and a bonnet  which he placed upon a chair 
He made no allusion to these clothes  neither did I   There they
had been waiting for her  many and many a night  no doubt 

 The time was  Mas r Davy   he said  as we came downstairs   when
I thowt this girl  Martha  a most like the dirt underneath my
Em ly s feet   God forgive me  theer s a difference now  

As we went along  partly to hold him in conversation  and partly to
satisfy myself  I asked him about Ham   He said  almost in the same
words as formerly  that Ham was just the same   wearing away his
life with kiender no care nohow for  t  but never murmuring  and
liked by all  

I asked him what he thought Ham s state of mind was  in reference
to the cause of their misfortunes   Whether he believed it was
dangerous   What he supposed  for example  Ham would do  if he and
Steerforth ever should encounter 

 I doen t know  sir   he replied    I have thowt of it oftentimes 
but I can t awize myself of it  no matters  

I recalled to his remembrance the morning after her departure  when
we were all three on the beach    Do you recollect   said I   a
certain wild way in which he looked out to sea  and spoke about
 the end of it   

 Sure I do   said he 

 What do you suppose he meant  

 Mas r Davy   he replied   I ve put the question to myself a mort
o  times  and never found no answer   And theer s one curious thing
  that  though he is so pleasant  I wouldn t fare to feel
comfortable to try and get his mind upon  t   He never said a wured
to me as warn t as dootiful as dootiful could be  and it ain t
likely as he d begin to speak any other ways now  but it s fur from
being fleet water in his mind  where them thowts lays   It s deep 
sir  and I can t see down  

 You are right   said I   and that has sometimes made me anxious  

 And me too  Mas r Davy   he rejoined    Even more so  I do assure
you  than his ventersome ways  though both belongs to the
alteration in him   I doen t know as he d do violence under any
circumstances  but I hope as them two may be kep asunders  

We had come  through Temple Bar  into the city   Conversing no more
now  and walking at my side  he yielded himself up to the one aim
of his devoted life  and went on  with that hushed concentration of
his faculties which would have made his figure solitary in a
multitude   We were not far from Blackfriars Bridge  when he turned
his head and pointed to a solitary female figure flitting along the
opposite side of the street   I knew it  readily  to be the figure
that we sought 

We crossed the road  and were pressing on towards her  when it
occurred to me that she might be more disposed to feel a woman s
interest in the lost girl  if we spoke to her in a quieter place 
aloof from the crowd  and where we should be less observed   I
advised my companion  therefore  that we should not address her
yet  but follow her  consulting in this  likewise  an indistinct
desire I had  to know where she went 

He acquiescing  we followed at a distance  never losing sight of
her  but never caring to come very near  as she frequently looked
about   Once  she stopped to listen to a band of music  and then we
stopped too 

She went on a long way   Still we went on   It was evident  from
the manner in which she held her course  that she was going to some
fixed destination  and this  and her keeping in the busy streets 
and I suppose the strange fascination in the secrecy and mystery of
so following anyone  made me adhere to my first purpose   At length
she turned into a dull  dark street  where the noise and crowd were
lost  and I said   We may speak to her now   and  mending our pace 
we went after her 


CHAPTER   
MARTHA


We were now down in Westminster   We had turned back to follow her 
having encountered her coming towards us  and Westminster Abbey was
the point at which she passed from the lights and noise of the
leading streets   She proceeded so quickly  when she got free of
the two currents of passengers setting towards and from the bridge 
that  between this and the advance she had of us when she struck
off  we were in the narrow water side street by Millbank before we
came up with her   At that moment she crossed the road  as if to
avoid the footsteps that she heard so close behind  and  without
looking back  passed on even more rapidly 

A glimpse of the river through a dull gateway  where some waggons
were housed for the night  seemed to arrest my feet   I touched my
companion without speaking  and we both forbore to cross after her 
and both followed on that opposite side of the way  keeping as
quietly as we could in the shadow of the houses  but keeping very
near her 

There was  and is when I write  at the end of that low lying
street  a dilapidated little wooden building  probably an obsolete
old ferry house   Its position is just at that point where the
street ceases  and the road begins to lie between a row of houses
and the river   As soon as she came here  and saw the water  she
stopped as if she had come to her destination  and presently went
slowly along by the brink of the river  looking intently at it 

All the way here  I had supposed that she was going to some house 
indeed  I had vaguely entertained the hope that the house might be
in some way associated with the lost girl   But that one dark
glimpse of the river  through the gateway  had instinctively
prepared me for her going no farther 

The neighbourhood was a dreary one at that time  as oppressive 
sad  and solitary by night  as any about London   There were
neither wharves nor houses on the melancholy waste of road near the
great blank Prison   A sluggish ditch deposited its mud at the
prison walls   Coarse grass and rank weeds straggled over all the
marshy land in the vicinity   In one part  carcases of houses 
inauspiciously begun and never finished  rotted away   In another 
the ground was cumbered with rusty iron monsters of steam boilers 
wheels  cranks  pipes  furnaces  paddles  anchors  diving bells 
windmill sails  and I know not what strange objects  accumulated by
some speculator  and grovelling in the dust  underneath which  
having sunk into the soil of their own weight in wet weather   they
had the appearance of vainly trying to hide themselves   The clash
and glare of sundry fiery Works upon the river side  arose by night
to disturb everything except the heavy and unbroken smoke that
poured out of their chimneys   Slimy gaps and causeways  winding
among old wooden piles  with a sickly substance clinging to the
latter  like green hair  and the rags of last year s handbills
offering rewards for drowned men fluttering above high water mark 
led down through the ooze and slush to the ebb tide   There was a
story that one of the pits dug for the dead in the time of the
Great Plague was hereabout  and a blighting influence seemed to
have proceeded from it over the whole place   Or else it looked as
if it had gradually decomposed into that nightmare condition  out
of the overflowings of the polluted stream 

As if she were a part of the refuse it had cast out  and left to
corruption and decay  the girl we had followed strayed down to the
river s brink  and stood in the midst of this night picture  lonely
and still  looking at the water 

There were some boats and barges astrand in the mud  and these
enabled us to come within a few yards of her without being seen 
I then signed to Mr  Peggotty to remain where he was  and emerged
from their shade to speak to her   I did not approach her solitary
figure without trembling  for this gloomy end to her determined
walk  and the way in which she stood  almost within the cavernous
shadow of the iron bridge  looking at the lights crookedly
reflected in the strong tide  inspired a dread within me 

I think she was talking to herself   I am sure  although absorbed
in gazing at the water  that her shawl was off her shoulders  and
that she was muffling her hands in it  in an unsettled and
bewildered way  more like the action of a sleep walker than a
waking person   I know  and never can forget  that there was that
in her wild manner which gave me no assurance but that she would
sink before my eyes  until I had her arm within my grasp 

At the same moment I said  Martha  

She uttered a terrified scream  and struggled with me with such
strength that I doubt if I could have held her alone   But a
stronger hand than mine was laid upon her  and when she raised her
frightened eyes and saw whose it was  she made but one more effort
and dropped down between us   We carried her away from the water to
where there were some dry stones  and there laid her down  crying
and moaning   In a little while she sat among the stones  holding
her wretched head with both her hands 

 Oh  the river   she cried passionately    Oh  the river  

 Hush  hush   said I    Calm yourself  

But she still repeated the same words  continually exclaiming   Oh 
the river   over and over again 

 I know it s like me   she exclaimed    I know that I belong to it 
I know that it s the natural company of such as I am  It comes from
country places  where there was once no harm in it   and it creeps
through the dismal streets  defiled and miserable   and it goes
away  like my life  to a great sea  that is always troubled   and
I feel that I must go with it  
I have never known what despair was  except in the tone of those
words 

 I can t keep away from it   I can t forget it   It haunts me day
and night   It s the only thing in all the world that I am fit for 
or that s fit for me   Oh  the dreadful river  

The thought passed through my mind that in the face of my
companion  as he looked upon her without speech or motion  I might
have read his niece s history  if I had known nothing of it   I
never saw  in any painting or reality  horror and compassion so
impressively blended   He shook as if he would have fallen  and his
hand   I touched it with my own  for his appearance alarmed me  
was deadly cold 

 She is in a state of frenzy   I whispered to him    She will speak
differently in a little time  

I don t know what he would have said in answer   He made some
motion with his mouth  and seemed to think he had spoken  but he
had only pointed to her with his outstretched hand 

A new burst of crying came upon her now  in which she once more hid
her face among the stones  and lay before us  a prostrate image of
humiliation and ruin   Knowing that this state must pass  before we
could speak to her with any hope  I ventured to restrain him when
he would have raised her  and we stood by in silence until she
became more tranquil 

 Martha   said I then  leaning down  and helping her to rise   she
seemed to want to rise as if with the intention of going away  but
she was weak  and leaned against a boat    Do you know who this is 
who is with me  

She said faintly   Yes  

 Do you know that we have followed you a long way tonight  

She shook her head   She looked neither at him nor at me  but stood
in a humble attitude  holding her bonnet and shawl in one hand 
without appearing conscious of them  and pressing the other 
clenched  against her forehead 

 Are you composed enough   said I   to speak on the subject which
so interested you   I hope Heaven may remember it    that snowy
night  

Her sobs broke out afresh  and she murmured some inarticulate
thanks to me for not having driven her away from the door 

 I want to say nothing for myself   she said  after a few moments 
 I am bad  I am lost   I have no hope at all   But tell him  sir  
she had shrunk away from him   if you don t feel too hard to me to
do it  that I never was in any way the cause of his misfortune  
 It has never been attributed to you   I returned  earnestly
responding to her earnestness 

 It was you  if I don t deceive myself   she said  in a broken
voice   that came into the kitchen  the night she took such pity on
me  was so gentle to me  didn t shrink away from me like all the
rest  and gave me such kind help  Was it you  sir  

 It was   said I 

 I should have been in the river long ago   she said  glancing at
it with a terrible expression   if any wrong to her had been upon
my mind   I never could have kept out of it a single winter s
night  if I had not been free of any share in that  

 The cause of her flight is too well understood   I said    You are
innocent of any part in it  we thoroughly believe    we know  

 Oh  I might have been much the better for her  if I had had a
better heart   exclaimed the girl  with most forlorn regret   for
she was always good to me  She never spoke a word to me but what
was pleasant and right   Is it likely I would try to make her what
I am myself  knowing what I am myself  so well   When I lost
everything that makes life dear  the worst of all my thoughts was
that I was parted for ever from her  

Mr  Peggotty  standing with one hand on the gunwale of the boat 
and his eyes cast down  put his disengaged hand before his face 

 And when I heard what had happened before that snowy night  from
some belonging to our town   cried Martha   the bitterest thought
in all my mind was  that the people would remember she once kept
company with me  and would say I had corrupted her  When  Heaven
knows  I would have died to have brought back her good name  

Long unused to any self control  the piercing agony of her remorse
and grief was terrible 

 To have died  would not have been much   what can I say     I
would have lived   she cried    I would have lived to be old  in
the wretched streets   and to wander about  avoided  in the dark  
and to see the day break on the ghastly line of houses  and
remember how the same sun used to shine into my room  and wake me
once   I would have done even that  to save her  

Sinking on the stones  she took some in each hand  and clenched
them up  as if she would have ground them   She writhed into some
new posture constantly  stiffening her arms  twisting them before
her face  as though to shut out from her eyes the little light
there was  and drooping her head  as if it were heavy with
insupportable recollections 

 What shall I ever do   she said  fighting thus with her despair 
 How can I go on as I am  a solitary curse to myself  a living
disgrace to everyone I come near   Suddenly she turned to my
companion    Stamp upon me  kill me  When she was your pride  you
would have thought I had done her harm if I had brushed against her
in the street   You can t believe   why should you     a syllable
that comes out of my lips   It would be a burning shame upon you 
even now  if she and I exchanged a word   I don t complain   I
don t say she and I are alike   I know there is a long  long way
between us   I only say  with all my guilt and wretchedness upon my
head  that I am grateful to her from my soul  and love her   Oh 
don t think that all the power I had of loving anything is quite
worn out  Throw me away  as all the world does   Kill me for being
what I am  and having ever known her  but don t think that of me  

He looked upon her  while she made this supplication  in a wild
distracted manner  and  when she was silent  gently raised her 

 Martha   said Mr  Peggotty   God forbid as I should judge you 
Forbid as I  of all men  should do that  my girl  You doen t know
half the change that s come  in course of time  upon me  when you
think it likely   Well   he paused a moment  then went on    You
doen t understand how  tis that this here gentleman and me has
wished to speak to you   You doen t understand what  tis we has
afore us   Listen now  

His influence upon her was complete   She stood  shrinkingly 
before him  as if she were afraid to meet his eyes  but her
passionate sorrow was quite hushed and mute 

 If you heerd   said Mr  Peggotty   owt of what passed between
Mas r Davy and me  th  night when it snew so hard  you know as I
have been   wheer not   fur to seek my dear niece   My dear niece  
he repeated steadily    Fur she s more dear to me now  Martha  than
she was dear afore  

She put her hands before her face  but otherwise remained quiet 

 I have heerd her tell   said Mr  Peggotty   as you was early left
fatherless and motherless  with no friend fur to take  in a rough
seafaring way  their place   Maybe you can guess that if you d had
such a friend  you d have got into a way of being fond of him in
course of time  and that my niece was kiender daughter like to me  

As she was silently trembling  he put her shawl carefully about
her  taking it up from the ground for that purpose 

 Whereby   said he   I know  both as she would go to the wureld s
furdest end with me  if she could once see me again  and that she
would fly to the wureld s furdest end to keep off seeing me   For
though she ain t no call to doubt my love  and doen t   and
doen t   he repeated  with a quiet assurance of the truth of what
he said   there s shame steps in  and keeps betwixt us  

I read  in every word of his plain impressive way of delivering
himself  new evidence of his having thought of this one topic  in
every feature it presented 

 According to our reckoning   he proceeded   Mas r Davy s here  and
mine  she is like  one day  to make her own poor solitary course to
London   We believe   Mas r Davy  me  and all of us   that you are
as innocent of everything that has befell her  as the unborn child 
You ve spoke of her being pleasant  kind  and gentle to you   Bless
her  I knew she was  I knew she always was  to all   You re
thankful to her  and you love her   Help us all you can to find
her  and may Heaven reward you  

She looked at him hastily  and for the first time  as if she were
doubtful of what he had said 

 Will you trust me   she asked  in a low voice of astonishment 

 Full and free   said Mr  Peggotty 

 To speak to her  if I should ever find her  shelter her  if I have
any shelter to divide with her  and then  without her knowledge 
come to you  and bring you to her   she asked hurriedly 

We both replied together   Yes  

She lifted up her eyes  and solemnly declared that she would devote
herself to this task  fervently and faithfully   That she would
never waver in it  never be diverted from it  never relinquish it 
while there was any chance of hope   If she were not true to it 
might the object she now had in life  which bound her to something
devoid of evil  in its passing away from her  leave her more
forlorn and more despairing  if that were possible  than she had
been upon the river s brink that night  and then might all help 
human and Divine  renounce her evermore 

She did not raise her voice above her breath  or address us  but
said this to the night sky  then stood profoundly quiet  looking at
the gloomy water 

We judged it expedient  now  to tell her all we knew  which I
recounted at length   She listened with great attention  and with
a face that often changed  but had the same purpose in all its
varying expressions   Her eyes occasionally filled with tears  but
those she repressed   It seemed as if her spirit were quite
altered  and she could not be too quiet 

She asked  when all was told  where we were to be communicated
with  if occasion should arise   Under a dull lamp in the road  I
wrote our two addresses on a leaf of my pocket book  which I tore
out and gave to her  and which she put in her poor bosom   I asked
her where she lived herself   She said  after a pause  in no place
long   It were better not to know 

Mr  Peggotty suggesting to me  in a whisper  what had already
occurred to myself  I took out my purse  but I could not prevail
upon her to accept any money  nor could I exact any promise from
her that she would do so at another time   I represented to her
that Mr  Peggotty could not be called  for one in his condition 
poor  and that the idea of her engaging in this search  while
depending on her own resources  shocked us both   She continued
steadfast   In this particular  his influence upon her was equally
powerless with mine   She gratefully thanked him but remained
inexorable 

 There may be work to be got   she said    I ll try  

 At least take some assistance   I returned   until you have
tried  

 I could not do what I have promised  for money   she replied    I
could not take it  if I was starving   To give me money would be to
take away your trust  to take away the object that you have given
me  to take away the only certain thing that saves me from the
river  

 In the name of the great judge   said I   before whom you and all
of us must stand at His dread time  dismiss that terrible idea  We
can all do some good  if we will  

She trembled  and her lip shook  and her face was paler  as she
answered 

 It has been put into your hearts  perhaps  to save a wretched
creature for repentance   I am afraid to think so  it seems too
bold   If any good should come of me  I might begin to hope  for
nothing but harm has ever come of my deeds yet   I am to be
trusted  for the first time in a long while  with my miserable
life  on account of what you have given me to try for   I know no
more  and I can say no more  

Again she repressed the tears that had begun to flow  and  putting
out her trembling hand  and touching Mr  Peggotty  as if there was
some healing virtue in him  went away along the desolate road   She
had been ill  probably for a long time   I observed  upon that
closer opportunity of observation  that she was worn and haggard 
and that her sunken eyes expressed privation and endurance 

We followed her at a short distance  our way lying in the same
direction  until we came back into the lighted and populous
streets   I had such implicit confidence in her declaration  that
I then put it to Mr  Peggotty  whether it would not seem  in the
onset  like distrusting her  to follow her any farther   He being
of the same mind  and equally reliant on her  we suffered her to
take her own road  and took ours  which was towards Highgate   He
accompanied me a good part of the way  and when we parted  with a
prayer for the success of this fresh effort  there was a new and
thoughtful compassion in him that I was at no loss to interpret 

It was midnight when I arrived at home   I had reached my own gate 
and was standing listening for the deep bell of St  Paul s  the
sound of which I thought had been borne towards me among the
multitude of striking clocks  when I was rather surprised to see
that the door of my aunt s cottage was open  and that a faint light
in the entry was shining out across the road 

Thinking that my aunt might have relapsed into one of her old
alarms  and might be watching the progress of some imaginary
conflagration in the distance  I went to speak to her   It was with
very great surprise that I saw a man standing in her little garden 

He had a glass and bottle in his hand  and was in the act of
drinking   I stopped short  among the thick foliage outside  for
the moon was up now  though obscured  and I recognized the man whom
I had once supposed to be a delusion of Mr  Dick s  and had once
encountered with my aunt in the streets of the city 

He was eating as well as drinking  and seemed to eat with a hungry
appetite   He seemed curious regarding the cottage  too  as if it
were the first time he had seen it   After stooping to put the
bottle on the ground  he looked up at the windows  and looked
about  though with a covert and impatient air  as if he was anxious
to be gone 

The light in the passage was obscured for a moment  and my aunt
came out   She was agitated  and told some money into his hand   I
heard it chink 

 What s the use of this   he demanded 

 I can spare no more   returned my aunt 

 Then I can t go   said he    Here  You may take it back  

 You bad man   returned my aunt  with great emotion   how can you
use me so   But why do I ask   It is because you know how weak I
am  What have I to do  to free myself for ever of your visits  but
to abandon you to your deserts  

 And why don t you abandon me to my deserts   said he 

 You ask me why   returned my aunt    What a heart you must have  

He stood moodily rattling the money  and shaking his head  until at
length he said 

 Is this all you mean to give me  then  

 It is all I CAN give you   said my aunt    You know I have had
losses  and am poorer than I used to be   I have told you so 
Having got it  why do you give me the pain of looking at you for
another moment  and seeing what you have become  

 I have become shabby enough  if you mean that   he said    I lead
the life of an owl  

 You stripped me of the greater part of all I ever had   said my
aunt    You closed my heart against the whole world  years and
years   You treated me falsely  ungratefully  and cruelly   Go  and
repent of it   Don t add new injuries to the long  long list of
injuries you have done me  

 Aye   he returned    It s all very fine   Well  I must do the best
I can  for the present  I suppose  

In spite of himself  he appeared abashed by my aunt s indignant
tears  and came slouching out of the garden   Taking two or three
quick steps  as if I had just come up  I met him at the gate  and
went in as he came out   We eyed one another narrowly in passing 
and with no favour 

 Aunt   said I  hurriedly    This man alarming you again  Let me
speak to him   Who is he  

 Child   returned my aunt  taking my arm   come in  and don t speak
to me for ten minutes  

We sat down in her little parlour   My aunt retired behind the
round green fan of former days  which was screwed on the back of a
chair  and occasionally wiped her eyes  for about a quarter of an
hour   Then she came out  and took a seat beside me 

 Trot   said my aunt  calmly   it s my husband  

 Your husband  aunt   I thought he had been dead  

 Dead to me   returned my aunt   but living  

I sat in silent amazement 

 Betsey Trotwood don t look a likely subject for the tender
passion   said my aunt  composedly   but the time was  Trot  when
she believed in that man most entirely   When she loved him  Trot 
right well   When there was no proof of attachment and affection
that she would not have given him   He repaid her by breaking her
fortune  and nearly breaking her heart   So she put all that sort
of sentiment  once and for ever  in a grave  and filled it up  and
flattened it down  

 My dear  good aunt  

 I left him   my aunt proceeded  laying her hand as usual on the
back of mine   generously   I may say at this distance of time 
Trot  that I left him generously   He had been so cruel to me  that
I might have effected a separation on easy terms for myself  but I
did not   He soon made ducks and drakes of what I gave him  sank
lower and lower  married another woman  I believe  became an
adventurer  a gambler  and a cheat   What he is now  you see   But
he was a fine looking man when I married him   said my aunt  with
an echo of her old pride and admiration in her tone   and I
believed him   I was a fool    to be the soul of honour  

She gave my hand a squeeze  and shook her head 

 He is nothing to me now  Trot  less than nothing   But  sooner
than have him punished for his offences  as he would be if he
prowled about in this country   I give him more money than I can
afford  at intervals when he reappears  to go away   I was a fool
when I married him  and I am so far an incurable fool on that
subject  that  for the sake of what I once believed him to be  I
wouldn t have even this shadow of my idle fancy hardly dealt with 
For I was in earnest  Trot  if ever a woman was  

MY aunt dismissed the matter with a heavy sigh  and smoothed her
dress 

 There  my dear   she said    Now you know the beginning  middle 
and end  and all about it   We won t mention the subject to one
another any more  neither  of course  will you mention it to
anybody else   This is my grumpy  frumpy story  and we ll keep it
to ourselves  Trot  



CHAPTER   
DOMESTIC


I laboured hard at my book  without allowing it to interfere with
the punctual discharge of my newspaper duties  and it came out and
was very successful   I was not stunned by the praise which sounded
in my ears  notwithstanding that I was keenly alive to it  and
thought better of my own performance  I have little doubt  than
anybody else did   It has always been in my observation of human
nature  that a man who has any good reason to believe in himself
never flourishes himself before the faces of other people in order
that they may believe in him   For this reason  I retained my
modesty in very self respect  and the more praise I got  the more
I tried to deserve 

It is not my purpose  in this record  though in all other
essentials it is my written memory  to pursue the history of my own
fictions   They express themselves  and I leave them to themselves 
When I refer to them  incidentally  it is only as a part of my
progress 

Having some foundation for believing  by this time  that nature and
accident had made me an author  I pursued my vocation with
confidence   Without such assurance I should certainly have left it
alone  and bestowed my energy on some other endeavour   I should
have tried to find out what nature and accident really had made me 
and to be that  and nothing else 
I had been writing  in the newspaper and elsewhere  so
prosperously  that when my new success was achieved  I considered
myself reasonably entitled to escape from the dreary debates   One
joyful night  therefore  I noted down the music of the
parliamentary bagpipes for the last time  and I have never heard it
since  though I still recognize the old drone in the newspapers 
without any substantial variation  except  perhaps  that there is
more of it   all the livelong session 

I now write of the time when I had been married  I suppose  about
a year and a half   After several varieties of experiment  we had
given up the housekeeping as a bad job   The house kept itself  and
we kept a page   The principal function of this retainer was to
quarrel with the cook  in which respect he was a perfect
Whittington  without his cat  or the remotest chance of being made
Lord Mayor 

He appears to me to have lived in a hail of saucepan lids   His
whole existence was a scuffle   He would shriek for help on the
most improper occasions    as when we had a little dinner party  or
a few friends in the evening    and would come tumbling out of the
kitchen  with iron missiles flying after him   We wanted to get rid
of him  but he was very much attached to us  and wouldn t go   He
was a tearful boy  and broke into such deplorable lamentations 
when a cessation of our connexion was hinted at  that we were
obliged to keep him   He had no mother   no anything in the way of
a relative  that I could discover  except a sister  who fled to
America the moment we had taken him off her hands  and he became
quartered on us like a horrible young changeling   He had a lively
perception of his own unfortunate state  and was always rubbing his
eyes with the sleeve of his jacket  or stooping to blow his nose on
the extreme corner of a little pocket handkerchief  which he never
would take completely out of his pocket  but always economized and
secreted 

This unlucky page  engaged in an evil hour at six pounds ten per
annum  was a source of continual trouble to me   I watched him as
he grew   and he grew like scarlet beans   with painful
apprehensions of the time when he would begin to shave  even of the
days when he would be bald or grey   I saw no prospect of ever
getting rid of him  and  projecting myself into the future  used to
think what an inconvenience he would be when he was an old man 

I never expected anything less  than this unfortunate s manner of
getting me out of my difficulty   He stole Dora s watch  which 
like everything else belonging to us  had no particular place of
its own  and  converting it into money  spent the produce  he was
always a weak minded boy  in incessantly riding up and down between
London and Uxbridge outside the coach   He was taken to Bow Street 
as well as I remember  on the completion of his fifteenth journey 
when four and sixpence  and a second hand fife which he couldn t
play  were found upon his person 

The surprise and its consequences would have been much less
disagreeable to me if he had not been penitent   But he was very
penitent indeed  and in a peculiar way   not in the lump  but by
instalments   For example  the day after that on which I was
obliged to appear against him  he made certain revelations touching
a hamper in the cellar  which we believed to be full of wine  but
which had nothing in it except bottles and corks   We supposed he
had now eased his mind  and told the worst he knew of the cook 
but  a day or two afterwards  his conscience sustained a new
twinge  and he disclosed how she had a little girl  who  early
every morning  took away our bread  and also how he himself had
been suborned to maintain the milkman in coals   In two or three
days more  I was informed by the authorities of his having led to
the discovery of sirloins of beef among the kitchen stuff  and
sheets in the rag bag   A little while afterwards  he broke out in
an entirely new direction  and confessed to a knowledge of
burglarious intentions as to our premises  on the part of the
pot boy  who was immediately taken up   I got to be so ashamed of
being such a victim  that I would have given him any money to hold
his tongue  or would have offered a round bribe for his being
permitted to run away   It was an aggravating circumstance in the
case that he had no idea of this  but conceived that he was making
me amends in every new discovery  not to say  heaping obligations
on my head 

At last I ran away myself  whenever I saw an emissary of the police
approaching with some new intelligence  and lived a stealthy life
until he was tried and ordered to be transported   Even then he
couldn t be quiet  but was always writing us letters  and wanted so
much to see Dora before he went away  that Dora went to visit him 
and fainted when she found herself inside the iron bars   In short 
I had no peace of my life until he was expatriated  and made  as I
afterwards heard  a shepherd of   up the country  somewhere  I have
no geographical idea where 

All this led me into some serious reflections  and presented our
mistakes in a new aspect  as I could not help communicating to Dora
one evening  in spite of my tenderness for her 

 My love   said I   it is very painful to me to think that our want
of system and management  involves not only ourselves  which we
have got used to   but other people  

 You have been silent for a long time  and now you are going to be
cross   said Dora 

 No  my dear  indeed  Let me explain to you what I mean  

 I think I don t want to know   said Dora 

 But I want you to know  my love   Put Jip down  

Dora put his nose to mine  and said  Boh   to drive my seriousness
away  but  not succeeding  ordered him into his Pagoda  and sat
looking at me  with her hands folded  and a most resigned little
expression of countenance 

 The fact is  my dear   I began   there is contagion in us   We
infect everyone about us  

I might have gone on in this figurative manner  if Dora s face had
not admonished me that she was wondering with all her might whether
I was going to propose any new kind of vaccination  or other
medical remedy  for this unwholesome state of ours   Therefore I
checked myself  and made my meaning plainer 

 It is not merely  my pet   said I   that we lose money and
comfort  and even temper sometimes  by not learning to be more
careful  but that we incur the serious responsibility of spoiling
everyone who comes into our service  or has any dealings with us 
I begin to be afraid that the fault is not entirely on one side 
but that these people all turn out ill because we don t turn out
very well ourselves  

 Oh  what an accusation   exclaimed Dora  opening her eyes wide 
 to say that you ever saw me take gold watches  Oh  

 My dearest   I remonstrated   don t talk preposterous nonsense 
Who has made the least allusion to gold watches  

 You did   returned Dora    You know you did   You said I hadn t
turned out well  and compared me to him  

 To whom   I asked 

 To the page   sobbed Dora    Oh  you cruel fellow  to compare your
affectionate wife to a transported page  Why didn t you tell me
your opinion of me before we were married   Why didn t you say  you
hard hearted thing  that you were convinced I was worse than a
transported page   Oh  what a dreadful opinion to have of me  Oh 
my goodness  

 Now  Dora  my love   I returned  gently trying to remove the
handkerchief she pressed to her eyes   this is not only very
ridiculous of you  but very wrong   In the first place  it s not
true  

 You always said he was a story teller   sobbed Dora    And now you
say the same of me  Oh  what shall I do  What shall I do  

 My darling girl   I retorted   I really must entreat you to be
reasonable  and listen to what I did say  and do say   My dear
Dora  unless we learn to do our duty to those whom we employ  they
will never learn to do their duty to us   I am afraid we present
opportunities to people to do wrong  that never ought to be
presented   Even if we were as lax as we are  in all our
arrangements  by choice   which we are not   even if we liked it 
and found it agreeable to be so   which we don t   I am persuaded
we should have no right to go on in this way   We are positively
corrupting people   We are bound to think of that   I can t help
thinking of it  Dora   It is a reflection I am unable to dismiss 
and it sometimes makes me very uneasy   There  dear  that s all 
Come now   Don t be foolish  

Dora would not allow me  for a long time  to remove the
handkerchief   She sat sobbing and murmuring behind it  that  if I
was uneasy  why had I ever been married   Why hadn t I said  even
the day before we went to church  that I knew I should be uneasy 
and I would rather not   If I couldn t bear her  why didn t I send
her away to her aunts at Putney  or to Julia Mills in India   Julia
would be glad to see her  and would not call her a transported
page  Julia never had called her anything of the sort   In short 
Dora was so afflicted  and so afflicted me by being in that
condition  that I felt it was of no use repeating this kind of
effort  though never so mildly  and I must take some other course 

What other course was left to take   To  form her mind    This was
a common phrase of words which had a fair and promising sound  and
I resolved to form Dora s mind 

I began immediately   When Dora was very childish  and I would have
infinitely preferred to humour her  I tried to be grave   and
disconcerted her  and myself too   I talked to her on the subjects
which occupied my thoughts  and I read Shakespeare to her   and
fatigued her to the last degree   I accustomed myself to giving
her  as it were quite casually  little scraps of useful
information  or sound opinion   and she started from them when I
let them off  as if they had been crackers   No matter how
incidentally or naturally I endeavoured to form my little wife s
mind  I could not help seeing that she always had an instinctive
perception of what I was about  and became a prey to the keenest
apprehensions   In particular  it was clear to me  that she thought
Shakespeare a terrible fellow   The formation went on very slowly 

I pressed Traddles into the service without his knowledge  and
whenever he came to see us  exploded my mines upon him for the
edification of Dora at second hand   The amount of practical wisdom
I bestowed upon Traddles in this manner was immense  and of the
best quality  but it had no other effect upon Dora than to depress
her spirits  and make her always nervous with the dread that it
would be her turn next   I found myself in the condition of a
schoolmaster  a trap  a pitfall  of always playing spider to Dora s
fly  and always pouncing out of my hole to her infinite
disturbance 

Still  looking forward through this intermediate stage  to the time
when there should be a perfect sympathy between Dora and me  and
when I should have  formed her mind  to my entire satisfaction  I
persevered  even for months   Finding at last  however  that 
although I had been all this time a very porcupine or hedgehog 
bristling all over with determination  I had effected nothing  it
began to occur to me that perhaps Dora s mind was already formed 

On further consideration this appeared so likely  that I abandoned
my scheme  which had had a more promising appearance in words than
in action  resolving henceforth to be satisfied with my child wife 
and to try to change her into nothing else by any process   I was
heartily tired of being sagacious and prudent by myself  and of
seeing my darling under restraint  so I bought a pretty pair of
ear rings for her  and a collar for Jip  and went home one day to
make myself agreeable 

Dora was delighted with the little presents  and kissed me
joyfully  but there was a shadow between us  however slight  and I
had made up my mind that it should not be there   If there must be
such a shadow anywhere  I would keep it for the future in my own
breast 

I sat down by my wife on the sofa  and put the ear rings in her
ears  and then I told her that I feared we had not been quite as
good company lately  as we used to be  and that the fault was mine 
Which I sincerely felt  and which indeed it was 

 The truth is  Dora  my life   I said   I have been trying to be
wise  

 And to make me wise too   said Dora  timidly    Haven t you 
Doady  

I nodded assent to the pretty inquiry of the raised eyebrows  and
kissed the parted lips 

 It s of not a bit of use   said Dora  shaking her head  until the
ear rings rang again    You know what a little thing I am  and what
I wanted you to call me from the first   If you can t do so  I am
afraid you ll never like me   Are you sure you don t think 
sometimes  it would have been better to have   

 Done what  my dear   For she made no effort to proceed 

 Nothing   said Dora 

 Nothing   I repeated 

She put her arms round my neck  and laughed  and called herself by
her favourite name of a goose  and hid her face on my shoulder in
such a profusion of curls that it was quite a task to clear them
away and see it 

 Don t I think it would have been better to have done nothing  than
to have tried to form my little wife s mind   said I  laughing at
myself    Is that the question   Yes  indeed  I do  

 Is that what you have been trying   cried Dora    Oh what a
shocking boy  

 But I shall never try any more   said I    For I love her dearly
as she is  

 Without a story   really   inquired Dora  creeping closer to me 

 Why should I seek to change   said I   what has been so precious
to me for so long  You never can show better than as your own
natural self  my sweet Dora  and we ll try no conceited
experiments  but go back to our old way  and be happy  

 And be happy   returned Dora    Yes  All day  And you won t mind
things going a tiny morsel wrong  sometimes  

 No  no   said I    We must do the best we can  

 And you won t tell me  any more  that we make other people bad  
coaxed Dora   will you   Because you know it s so dreadfully
cross  

 No  no   said I 

 It s better for me to be stupid than uncomfortable  isn t it  
said Dora 

 Better to be naturally Dora than anything else in the world  

 In the world  Ah  Doady  it s a large place  

She shook her head  turned her delighted bright eyes up to mine 
kissed me  broke into a merry laugh  and sprang away to put on
Jip s new collar 

So ended my last attempt to make any change in Dora   I had been
unhappy in trying it  I could not endure my own solitary wisdom  I
could not reconcile it with her former appeal to me as my
child wife   I resolved to do what I could  in a quiet way  to
improve our proceedings myself  but I foresaw that my utmost would
be very little  or I must degenerate into the spider again  and be
for ever lying in wait 

And the shadow I have mentioned  that was not to be between us any
more  but was to rest wholly on my own heart   How did that fall 

The old unhappy feeling pervaded my life   It was deepened  if it
were changed at all  but it was as undefined as ever  and addressed
me like a strain of sorrowful music faintly heard in the night   I
loved my wife dearly  and I was happy  but the happiness I had
vaguely anticipated  once  was not the happiness I enjoyed  and
there was always something wanting 

In fulfilment of the compact I have made with myself  to reflect my
mind on this paper  I again examine it  closely  and bring its
secrets to the light   What I missed  I still regarded   I always
regarded   as something that had been a dream of my youthful fancy 
that was incapable of realization  that I was now discovering to be
so  with some natural pain  as all men did   But that it would have
been better for me if my wife could have helped me more  and shared
the many thoughts in which I had no partner  and that this might
have been  I knew 

Between these two irreconcilable conclusions  the one  that what I
felt was general and unavoidable  the other  that it was particular
to me  and might have been different  I balanced curiously  with no
distinct sense of their opposition to each other   When I thought
of the airy dreams of youth that are incapable of realization  I
thought of the better state preceding manhood that I had outgrown 
and then the contented days with Agnes  in the dear old house 
arose before me  like spectres of the dead  that might have some
renewal in another world  but never more could be reanimated here 

Sometimes  the speculation came into my thoughts  What might have
happened  or what would have happened  if Dora and I had never
known each other   But she was so incorporated with my existence 
that it was the idlest of all fancies  and would soon rise out of
my reach and sight  like gossamer floating in the air 

I always loved her   What I am describing  slumbered  and half
awoke  and slept again  in the innermost recesses of my mind 
There was no evidence of it in me  I know of no influence it had in
anything I said or did   I bore the weight of all our little cares 
and all my projects  Dora held the pens  and we both felt that our
shares were adjusted as the case required   She was truly fond of
me  and proud of me  and when Agnes wrote a few earnest words in
her letters to Dora  of the pride and interest with which my old
friends heard of my growing reputation  and read my book as if they
heard me speaking its contents  Dora read them out to me with tears
of joy in her bright eyes  and said I was a dear old clever  famous
boy 

 The first mistaken impulse of an undisciplined heart    Those
words of Mrs  Strong s were constantly recurring to me  at this
time  were almost always present to my mind   I awoke with them 
often  in the night  I remember to have even read them  in dreams 
inscribed upon the walls of houses   For I knew  now  that my own
heart was undisciplined when it first loved Dora  and that if it
had been disciplined  it never could have felt  when we were
married  what it had felt in its secret experience 

 There can be no disparity in marriage  like unsuitability of mind
and purpose    Those words I remembered too   I had endeavoured to
adapt Dora to myself  and found it impracticable   It remained for
me to adapt myself to Dora  to share with her what I could  and be
happy  to bear on my own shoulders what I must  and be happy still 
This was the discipline to which I tried to bring my heart  when I
began to think   It made my second year much happier than my first 
and  what was better still  made Dora s life all sunshine 

But  as that year wore on  Dora was not strong   I had hoped that
lighter hands than mine would help to mould her character  and that
a baby smile upon her breast might change my child wife to a woman 
It was not to be   The spirit fluttered for a moment on the
threshold of its little prison  and  unconscious of captivity  took
wing 

 When I can run about again  as I used to do  aunt   said Dora   I
shall make Jip race   He is getting quite slow and lazy  

 I suspect  my dear   said my aunt quietly working by her side   he
has a worse disorder than that   Age  Dora  

 Do you think he is old   said Dora  astonished    Oh  how strange
it seems that Jip should be old  

 It s a complaint we are all liable to  Little One  as we get on in
life   said my aunt  cheerfully   I don t feel more free from it
than I used to be  I assure you  

 But Jip   said Dora  looking at him with compassion   even little
Jip  Oh  poor fellow  

 I dare say he ll last a long time yet  Blossom   said my aunt 
patting Dora on the cheek  as she leaned out of her couch to look
at Jip  who responded by standing on his hind legs  and baulking
himself in various asthmatic attempts to scramble up by the head
and shoulders    He must have a piece of flannel in his house this
winter  and I shouldn t wonder if he came out quite fresh again 
with the flowers in the spring   Bless the little dog   exclaimed
my aunt   if he had as many lives as a cat  and was on the point of
losing  em all  he d bark at me with his last breath  I believe  

Dora had helped him up on the sofa  where he really was defying my
aunt to such a furious extent  that he couldn t keep straight  but
barked himself sideways   The more my aunt looked at him  the more
he reproached her  for she had lately taken to spectacles  and for
some inscrutable reason he considered the glasses personal 

Dora made him lie down by her  with a good deal of persuasion  and
when he was quiet  drew one of his long ears through and through
her hand  repeating thoughtfully   Even little Jip  Oh  poor
fellow  

 His lungs are good enough   said my aunt  gaily   and his dislikes
are not at all feeble   He has a good many years before him  no
doubt   But if you want a dog to race with  Little Blossom  he has
lived too well for that  and I ll give you one  

 Thank you  aunt   said Dora  faintly    But don t  please  

 No   said my aunt  taking off her spectacles 

 I couldn t have any other dog but Jip   said Dora    It would be
so unkind to Jip  Besides  I couldn t be such friends with any
other dog but Jip  because he wouldn t have known me before I was
married  and wouldn t have barked at Doady when he first came to
our house   I couldn t care for any other dog but Jip  I am afraid 
aunt  

 To be sure   said my aunt  patting her cheek again    You are
right  

 You are not offended   said Dora    Are you  

 Why  what a sensitive pet it is   cried my aunt  bending over her
affectionately    To think that I could be offended  

 No  no  I didn t really think so   returned Dora   but I am a
little tired  and it made me silly for a moment   I am always a
silly little thing  you know  but it made me more silly   to talk
about Jip   He has known me in all that has happened to me  haven t
you  Jip   And I couldn t bear to slight him  because he was a
little altered   could I  Jip  

Jip nestled closer to his mistress  and lazily licked her hand 

 You are not so old  Jip  are you  that you ll leave your mistress
yet   said Dora    We may keep one another company a little
longer  

My pretty Dora  When she came down to dinner on the ensuing Sunday 
and was so glad to see old Traddles  who always dined with us on
Sunday   we thought she would be  running about as she used to do  
in a few days   But they said  wait a few days more  and then  wait
a few days more  and still she neither ran nor walked   She looked
very pretty  and was very merry  but the little feet that used to
be so nimble when they danced round Jip  were dull and motionless 

I began to carry her downstairs every morning  and upstairs every
night   She would clasp me round the neck and laugh  the while  as
if I did it for a wager   Jip would bark and caper round us  and go
on before  and look back on the landing  breathing short  to see
that we were coming   My aunt  the best and most cheerful of
nurses  would trudge after us  a moving mass of shawls and pillows 
Mr  Dick would not have relinquished his post of candle bearer to
anyone alive   Traddles would be often at the bottom of the
staircase  looking on  and taking charge of sportive messages from
Dora to the dearest girl in the world   We made quite a gay
procession of it  and my child wife was the gayest there 

But  sometimes  when I took her up  and felt that she was lighter
in my arms  a dead blank feeling came upon me  as if I were
approaching to some frozen region yet unseen  that numbed my life 
I avoided the recognition of this feeling by any name  or by any
communing with myself  until one night  when it was very strong
upon me  and my aunt had left her with a parting cry of  Good
night  Little Blossom   I sat down at my desk alone  and cried to
think  Oh what a fatal name it was  and how the blossom withered in
its bloom upon the tree 


CHAPTER   
I AM INVOLVED IN MYSTERY


I received one morning by the post  the following letter  dated
Canterbury  and addressed to me at Doctor s Commons  which I read
with some surprise 


 MY DEAR SIR 

 Circumstances beyond my individual control have  for a
considerable lapse of time  effected a severance of that intimacy
which  in the limited opportunities conceded to me in the midst of
my professional duties  of contemplating the scenes and events of
the past  tinged by the prismatic hues of memory  has ever afforded
me  as it ever must continue to afford  gratifying emotions of no
common description   This fact  my dear sir  combined with the
distinguished elevation to which your talents have raised you 
deters me from presuming to aspire to the liberty of addressing the
companion of my youth  by the familiar appellation of Copperfield 
It is sufficient to know that the name to which I do myself the
honour to refer  will ever be treasured among the muniments of our
house  I allude to the archives connected with our former lodgers 
preserved by Mrs  Micawber   with sentiments of personal esteem
amounting to affection 

 It is not for one  situated  through his original errors and a
fortuitous combination of unpropitious events  as is the foundered
Bark  if he may be allowed to assume so maritime a denomination  
who now takes up the pen to address you   it is not  I repeat  for
one so circumstanced  to adopt the language of compliment  or of
congratulation   That he leaves to abler and to purer hands 

 If your more important avocations should admit of your ever
tracing these imperfect characters thus far   which may be  or may
not be  as circumstances arise   you will naturally inquire by what
object am I influenced  then  in inditing the present missive 
Allow me to say that I fully defer to the reasonable character of
that inquiry  and proceed to develop it  premising that it is not
an object of a pecuniary nature 

 Without more directly referring to any latent ability that may
possibly exist on my part  of wielding the thunderbolt  or
directing the devouring and avenging flame in any quarter  I may be
permitted to observe  in passing  that my brightest visions are for
ever dispelled   that my peace is shattered and my power of
enjoyment destroyed   that my heart is no longer in the right place
  and that I no more walk erect before my fellow man   The canker
is in the flower   The cup is bitter to the brim   The worm is at
his work  and will soon dispose of his victim   The sooner the
better   But I will not digress 
 Placed in a mental position of peculiar painfulness  beyond the
assuaging reach even of Mrs  Micawber s influence  though exercised
in the tripartite character of woman  wife  and mother  it is my
intention to fly from myself for a short period  and devote a
respite of eight and forty hours to revisiting some metropolitan
scenes of past enjoyment   Among other havens of domestic
tranquillity and peace of mind  my feet will naturally tend towards
the King s Bench Prison   In stating that I shall be  D  V   on the
outside of the south wall of that place of incarceration on civil
process  the day after tomorrow  at seven in the evening 
precisely  my object in this epistolary communication is
accomplished 

 I do not feel warranted in soliciting my former friend Mr 
Copperfield  or my former friend Mr  Thomas Traddles of the Inner
Temple  if that gentleman is still existent and forthcoming  to
condescend to meet me  and renew  so far as may be  our past
relations of the olden time   I confine myself to throwing out the
observation  that  at the hour and place I have indicated  may be
found such ruined vestiges as yet
                Remain 
                     Of
                          A
                               Fallen Tower 
                                    WILKINS MICAWBER 

 P S   It may be advisable to superadd to the above  the statement
that Mrs  Micawber is not in confidential possession of my
intentions  


I read the letter over several times   Making due allowance for Mr 
Micawber s lofty style of composition  and for the extraordinary
relish with which he sat down and wrote long letters on all
possible and impossible occasions  I still believed that something
important lay hidden at the bottom of this roundabout
communication   I put it down  to think about it  and took it up
again  to read it once more  and was still pursuing it  when
Traddles found me in the height of my perplexity 

 My dear fellow   said I   I never was better pleased to see you 
You come to give me the benefit of your sober judgement at a most
opportune time   I have received a very singular letter  Traddles 
from Mr  Micawber  

 No   cried Traddles    You don t say so   And I have received one
from Mrs  Micawber  

With that  Traddles  who was flushed with walking  and whose hair 
under the combined effects of exercise and excitement  stood on end
as if he saw a cheerful ghost  produced his letter and made an
exchange with me   I watched him into the heart of Mr  Micawber s
letter  and returned the elevation of eyebrows with which he said
  Wielding the thunderbolt  or directing the devouring and avenging
flame   Bless me  Copperfield    and then entered on the perusal of
Mrs  Micawber s epistle 

It ran thus 


 My best regards to Mr  Thomas Traddles  and if he should still
remember one who formerly had the happiness of being well
acquainted with him  may I beg a few moments of his leisure time 
I assure Mr  T  T  that I would not intrude upon his kindness  were
I in any other position than on the confines of distraction 

 Though harrowing to myself to mention  the alienation of Mr 
Micawber  formerly so domesticated  from his wife and family  is
the cause of my addressing my unhappy appeal to Mr  Traddles  and
soliciting his best indulgence   Mr  T  can form no adequate idea
of the change in Mr  Micawber s conduct  of his wildness  of his
violence   It has gradually augmented  until it assumes the
appearance of aberration of intellect   Scarcely a day passes  I
assure Mr  Traddles  on which some paroxysm does not take place 
Mr  T  will not require me to depict my feelings  when I inform him
that I have become accustomed to hear Mr  Micawber assert that he
has sold himself to the D   Mystery and secrecy have long been his
principal characteristic  have long replaced unlimited confidence 
The slightest provocation  even being asked if there is anything he
would prefer for dinner  causes him to express a wish for a
separation   Last night  on being childishly solicited for
twopence  to buy  lemon stunners    a local sweetmeat   he
presented an oyster knife at the twins 

 I entreat Mr  Traddles to bear with me in entering into these
details   Without them  Mr  T  would indeed find it difficult to
form the faintest conception of my heart rending situation 

 May I now venture to confide to Mr  T  the purport of my letter 
Will he now allow me to throw myself on his friendly consideration 
Oh yes  for I know his heart 

 The quick eye of affection is not easily blinded  when of the
female sex   Mr  Micawber is going to London   Though he studiously
concealed his hand  this morning before breakfast  in writing the
direction card which he attached to the little brown valise of
happier days  the eagle glance of matrimonial anxiety detected  d 
o  n  distinctly traced   The West End destination of the coach  is
the Golden Cross   Dare I fervently implore Mr  T  to see my
misguided husband  and to reason with him   Dare I ask Mr  T  to
endeavour to step in between Mr  Micawber and his agonized family 
Oh no  for that would be too much 

 If Mr  Copperfield should yet remember one unknown to fame  will
Mr  T  take charge of my unalterable regards and similar
entreaties   In any case  he will have the benevolence to consider
this communication strictly private  and on no account whatever to
be alluded to  however distantly  in the presence of Mr  Micawber 
If Mr  T  should ever reply to it  which I cannot but feel to be
most improbable   a letter addressed to M  E   Post Office 
Canterbury  will be fraught with less painful consequences than any
addressed immediately to one  who subscribes herself  in extreme
distress 

 Mr  Thomas Traddles s respectful friend and suppliant 

                                    EMMA MICAWBER  


 What do you think of that letter   said Traddles  casting his eyes
upon me  when I had read it twice 

 What do you think of the other   said I   For he was still reading
it with knitted brows 

 I think that the two together  Copperfield   replied Traddles 
 mean more than Mr  and Mrs  Micawber usually mean in their
correspondence   but I don t know what   They are both written in
good faith  I have no doubt  and without any collusion   Poor
thing   he was now alluding to Mrs  Micawber s letter  and we were
standing side by side comparing the two   it will be a charity to
write to her  at all events  and tell her that we will not fail to
see Mr  Micawber  

I acceded to this the more readily  because I now reproached myself
with having treated her former letter rather lightly   It had set
me thinking a good deal at the time  as I have mentioned in its
place  but my absorption in my own affairs  my experience of the
family  and my hearing nothing more  had gradually ended in my
dismissing the subject   I had often thought of the Micawbers  but
chiefly to wonder what  pecuniary liabilities  they were
establishing in Canterbury  and to recall how shy Mr  Micawber was
of me when he became clerk to Uriah Heep 

However  I now wrote a comforting letter to Mrs  Micawber  in our
joint names  and we both signed it   As we walked into town to post
it  Traddles and I held a long conference  and launched into a
number of speculations  which I need not repeat   We took my aunt
into our counsels in the afternoon  but our only decided conclusion
was  that we would be very punctual in keeping Mr  Micawber s
appointment 

Although we appeared at the stipulated place a quarter of an hour
before the time  we found Mr  Micawber already there   He was
standing with his arms folded  over against the wall  looking at
the spikes on the top  with a sentimental expression  as if they
were the interlacing boughs of trees that had shaded him in his
youth 

When we accosted him  his manner was something more confused  and
something less genteel  than of yore   He had relinquished his
legal suit of black for the purposes of this excursion  and wore
the old surtout and tights  but not quite with the old air   He
gradually picked up more and more of it as we conversed with him 
but  his very eye glass seemed to hang less easily  and his
shirt collar  though still of the old formidable dimensions  rather
drooped 

 Gentlemen   said Mr  Micawber  after the first salutations   you
are friends in need  and friends indeed   Allow me to offer my
inquiries with reference to the physical welfare of Mrs 
Copperfield in esse  and Mrs  Traddles in posse    presuming  that
is to say  that my friend Mr  Traddles is not yet united to the
object of his affections  for weal and for woe  

We acknowledged his politeness  and made suitable replies   He then
directed our attention to the wall  and was beginning   I assure
you  gentlemen   when I ventured to object to that ceremonious form
of address  and to beg that he would speak to us in the old way 

 My dear Copperfield   he returned  pressing my hand   your
cordiality overpowers me   This reception of a shattered fragment
of the Temple once called Man   if I may be permitted so to express
myself   bespeaks a heart that is an honour to our common nature 
I was about to observe that I again behold the serene spot where
some of the happiest hours of my existence fleeted by  

 Made so  I am sure  by Mrs  Micawber   said I    I hope she is
well  

 Thank you   returned Mr  Micawber  whose face clouded at this
reference   she is but so so   And this   said Mr  Micawber 
nodding his head sorrowfully   is the Bench  Where  for the first
time in many revolving years  the overwhelming pressure of
pecuniary liabilities was not proclaimed  from day to day  by
importune voices declining to vacate the passage  where there was
no knocker on the door for any creditor to appeal to  where
personal service of process was not required  and detainees were
merely lodged at the gate  Gentlemen   said Mr  Micawber   when the
shadow of that iron work on the summit of the brick structure has
been reflected on the gravel of the Parade  I have seen my children
thread the mazes of the intricate pattern  avoiding the dark marks 
I have been familiar with every stone in the place   If I betray
weakness  you will know how to excuse me  

 We have all got on in life since then  Mr  Micawber   said I 

 Mr  Copperfield   returned Mr  Micawber  bitterly   when I was an
inmate of that retreat I could look my fellow man in the face  and
punch his head if he offended me   My fellow man and myself are no
longer on those glorious terms  

Turning from the building in a downcast manner  Mr  Micawber
accepted my proffered arm on one side  and the proffered arm of
Traddles on the other  and walked away between us 

 There are some landmarks   observed Mr  Micawber  looking fondly
back over his shoulder   on the road to the tomb  which  but for
the impiety of the aspiration  a man would wish never to have
passed   Such is the Bench in my chequered career  

 Oh  you are in low spirits  Mr  Micawber   said Traddles 

 I am  sir   interposed Mr  Micawber 

 I hope   said Traddles   it is not because you have conceived a
dislike to the law   for I am a lawyer myself  you know  

Mr  Micawber answered not a word 

 How is our friend Heep  Mr  Micawber   said I  after a silence 

 My dear Copperfield   returned Mr  Micawber  bursting into a state
of much excitement  and turning pale   if you ask after my employer
as your friend  I am sorry for it  if you ask after him as MY
friend  I sardonically smile at it   In whatever capacity you ask
after my employer  I beg  without offence to you  to limit my reply
to this   that whatever his state of health may be  his appearance
is foxy  not to say diabolical   You will allow me  as a private
individual  to decline pursuing a subject which has lashed me to
the utmost verge of desperation in my professional capacity  

I expressed my regret for having innocently touched upon a theme
that roused him so much    May I ask   said I   without any hazard
of repeating the mistake  how my old friends Mr  and Miss Wickfield
are  

 Miss Wickfield   said Mr  Micawber  now turning red   is  as she
always is  a pattern  and a bright example   My dear Copperfield 
she is the only starry spot in a miserable existence   My respect
for that young lady  my admiration of her character  my devotion to
her for her love and truth  and goodness    Take me   said Mr 
Micawber   down a turning  for  upon my soul  in my present state
of mind I am not equal to this  

We wheeled him off into a narrow street  where he took out his
pocket handkerchief  and stood with his back to a wall   If I
looked as gravely at him as Traddles did  he must have found our
company by no means inspiriting 

 It is my fate   said Mr  Micawber  unfeignedly sobbing  but doing
even that  with a shadow of the old expression of doing something
genteel   it is my fate  gentlemen  that the finer feelings of our
nature have become reproaches to me   My homage to Miss Wickfield 
is a flight of arrows in my bosom   You had better leave me  if you
please  to walk the earth as a vagabond   The worm will settle my
business in double quick time  

Without attending to this invocation  we stood by  until he put up
his pocket handkerchief  pulled up his shirt collar  and  to delude
any person in the neighbourhood who might have been observing him 
hummed a tune with his hat very much on one side   I then mentioned
  not knowing what might be lost if we lost sight of him yet   that
it would give me great pleasure to introduce him to my aunt  if he
would ride out to Highgate  where a bed was at his service 

 You shall make us a glass of your own punch  Mr  Micawber   said
I   and forget whatever you have on your mind  in pleasanter
reminiscences  

 Or  if confiding anything to friends will be more likely to
relieve you  you shall impart it to us  Mr  Micawber   said
Traddles  prudently 

 Gentlemen   returned Mr  Micawber   do with me as you will  I am
a straw upon the surface of the deep  and am tossed in all
directions by the elephants   I beg your pardon  I should have said
the elements  

We walked on  arm in arm  again  found the coach in the act of
starting  and arrived at Highgate without encountering any
difficulties by the way   I was very uneasy and very uncertain in
my mind what to say or do for the best   so was Traddles 
evidently   Mr  Micawber was for the most part plunged into deep
gloom   He occasionally made an attempt to smarten himself  and hum
the fag end of a tune  but his relapses into profound melancholy
were only made the more impressive by the mockery of a hat
exceedingly on one side  and a shirt collar pulled up to his eyes 

We went to my aunt s house rather than to mine  because of Dora s
not being well   My aunt presented herself on being sent for  and
welcomed Mr  Micawber with gracious cordiality   Mr  Micawber
kissed her hand  retired to the window  and pulling out his
pocket handkerchief  had a mental wrestle with himself 

Mr  Dick was at home   He was by nature so exceedingly
compassionate of anyone who seemed to be ill at ease  and was so
quick to find any such person out  that he shook hands with Mr 
Micawber  at least half a dozen times in five minutes   To Mr 
Micawber  in his trouble  this warmth  on the part of a stranger 
was so extremely touching  that he could only say  on the occasion
of each successive shake   My dear sir  you overpower me   Which
gratified Mr  Dick so much  that he went at it again with greater
vigour than before 

 The friendliness of this gentleman   said Mr  Micawber to my aunt 
 if you will allow me  ma am  to cull a figure of speech from the
vocabulary of our coarser national sports   floors me   To a man
who is struggling with a complicated burden of perplexity and
disquiet  such a reception is trying  I assure you  

 My friend Mr  Dick   replied my aunt proudly   is not a common
man  

 That I am convinced of   said Mr  Micawber    My dear sir   for
Mr  Dick was shaking hands with him again   I am deeply sensible of
your cordiality  

 How do you find yourself   said Mr  Dick  with an anxious look 

 Indifferent  my dear sir   returned Mr  Micawber  sighing 

 You must keep up your spirits   said Mr  Dick   and make yourself
as comfortable as possible  

Mr  Micawber was quite overcome by these friendly words  and by
finding Mr  Dick s hand again within his own    It has been my
lot   he observed   to meet  in the diversified panorama of human
existence  with an occasional oasis  but never with one so green 
so gushing  as the present  

At another time I should have been amused by this  but I felt that
we were all constrained and uneasy  and I watched Mr  Micawber so
anxiously  in his vacillations between an evident disposition to
reveal something  and a counter disposition to reveal nothing  that
I was in a perfect fever   Traddles  sitting on the edge of his
chair  with his eyes wide open  and his hair more emphatically
erect than ever  stared by turns at the ground and at Mr  Micawber 
without so much as attempting to put in a word   My aunt  though I
saw that her shrewdest observation was concentrated on her new
guest  had more useful possession of her wits than either of us 
for she held him in conversation  and made it necessary for him to
talk  whether he liked it or not 

 You are a very old friend of my nephew s  Mr  Micawber   said my
aunt    I wish I had had the pleasure of seeing you before  

 Madam   returned Mr  Micawber   I wish I had had the honour of
knowing you at an earlier period   I was not always the wreck you
at present behold  

 I hope Mrs  Micawber and your family are well  sir   said my aunt 

Mr  Micawber inclined his head    They are as well  ma am   he
desperately observed after a pause   as Aliens and Outcasts can
ever hope to be  

 Lord bless you  sir   exclaimed my aunt  in her abrupt way    What
are you talking about  

 The subsistence of my family  ma am   returned Mr  Micawber 
 trembles in the balance   My employer   

Here Mr  Micawber provokingly left off  and began to peel the
lemons that had been under my directions set before him  together
with all the other appliances he used in making punch 

 Your employer  you know   said Mr  Dick  jogging his arm as a
gentle reminder 

 My good sir   returned Mr  Micawber   you recall me  I am obliged
to you    They shook hands again    My employer  ma am   Mr  Heep
  once did me the favour to observe to me  that if I were not in
the receipt of the stipendiary emoluments appertaining to my
engagement with him  I should probably be a mountebank about the
country  swallowing a sword blade  and eating the devouring
element   For anything that I can perceive to the contrary  it is
still probable that my children may be reduced to seek a livelihood
by personal contortion  while Mrs  Micawber abets their unnatural
feats by playing the barrel organ  

Mr  Micawber  with a random but expressive flourish of his knife 
signified that these performances might be expected to take place
after he was no more  then resumed his peeling with a desperate
air 

My aunt leaned her elbow on the little round table that she usually
kept beside her  and eyed him attentively   Notwithstanding the
aversion with which I regarded the idea of entrapping him into any
disclosure he was not prepared to make voluntarily  I should have
taken him up at this point  but for the strange proceedings in
which I saw him engaged  whereof his putting the lemon peel into
the kettle  the sugar into the snuffer tray  the spirit into the
empty jug  and confidently attempting to pour boiling water out of
a candlestick  were among the most remarkable   I saw that a crisis
was at hand  and it came   He clattered all his means and
implements together  rose from his chair  pulled out his
pocket handkerchief  and burst into tears 

 My dear Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber  behind his handkerchief 
 this is an occupation  of all others  requiring an untroubled
mind  and self respect   I cannot perform it   It is out of the
question  

 Mr  Micawber   said I   what is the matter   Pray speak out   You
are among friends  

 Among friends  sir   repeated Mr  Micawber  and all he had
reserved came breaking out of him    Good heavens  it is
principally because I AM among friends that my state of mind is
what it is   What is the matter  gentlemen   What is NOT the
matter   Villainy is the matter  baseness is the matter  deception 
fraud  conspiracy  are the matter  and the name of the whole
atrocious mass is   HEEP  

MY aunt clapped her hands  and we all started up as if we were
possessed 

 The struggle is over   said Mr  Micawber violently gesticulating
with his pocket handkerchief  and fairly striking out from time to
time with both arms  as if he were swimming under superhuman
difficulties    I will lead this life no longer   I am a wretched
being  cut off from everything that makes life tolerable   I have
been under a Taboo in that infernal scoundrel s service   Give me
back my wife  give me back my family  substitute Micawber for the
petty wretch who walks about in the boots at present on my feet 
and call upon me to swallow a sword tomorrow  and I ll do it   With
an appetite  

I never saw a man so hot in my life   I tried to calm him  that we
might come to something rational  but he got hotter and hotter  and
wouldn t hear a word 

 I ll put my hand in no man s hand   said Mr  Micawber  gasping 
puffing  and sobbing  to that degree that he was like a man
fighting with cold water   until I have   blown to fragments   the
  a   detestable   serpent   HEEP  I ll partake of no one s
hospitality  until I have   a   moved Mount Vesuvius   to eruption
  on   a   the abandoned rascal   HEEP  Refreshment   a  
underneath this roof   particularly punch   would   a   choke me  
unless   I had   previously   choked the eyes   out of the head  
a   of   interminable cheat  and liar   HEEP  I   a  I ll know
nobody   and   a   say nothing   and   a   live nowhere   until I
have crushed   to   a   undiscoverable atoms   the   transcendent
and immortal hypocrite and perjurer   HEEP  

I really had some fear of Mr  Micawber s dying on the spot   The
manner in which he struggled through these inarticulate sentences 
and  whenever he found himself getting near the name of Heep 
fought his way on to it  dashed at it in a fainting state  and
brought it out with a vehemence little less than marvellous  was
frightful  but now  when he sank into a chair  steaming  and looked
at us  with every possible colour in his face that had no business
there  and an endless procession of lumps following one another in
hot haste up his throat  whence they seemed to shoot into his
forehead  he had the appearance of being in the last extremity   I
would have gone to his assistance  but he waved me off  and
wouldn t hear a word 

 No  Copperfield    No communication   a   until   Miss Wickfield
  a   redress from wrongs inflicted by consummate scoundrel  
HEEP    I am quite convinced he could not have uttered three words 
but for the amazing energy with which this word inspired him when
he felt it coming    Inviolable secret   a   from the whole world
  a   no exceptions   this day week   a   at breakfast time   a  
everybody present   including aunt   a   and extremely friendly
gentleman   to be at the hotel at Canterbury   a   where   Mrs 
Micawber and myself   Auld Lang Syne in chorus   and   a   will
expose intolerable ruffian   HEEP  No more to say   a   or listen
to persuasion   go immediately   not capable   a   bear society  
upon the track of devoted and doomed traitor   HEEP  

With this last repetition of the magic word that had kept him going
at all  and in which he surpassed all his previous efforts  Mr 
Micawber rushed out of the house  leaving us in a state of
excitement  hope  and wonder  that reduced us to a condition little
better than his own   But even then his passion for writing letters
was too strong to be resisted  for while we were yet in the height
of our excitement  hope  and wonder  the following pastoral note
was brought to me from a neighbouring tavern  at which he had
called to write it   


           Most secret and confidential 
 MY DEAR SIR 

 I beg to be allowed to convey  through you  my apologies to your
excellent aunt for my late excitement   An explosion of a
smouldering volcano long suppressed  was the result of an internal
contest more easily conceived than described 

 I trust I rendered tolerably intelligible my appointment for the
morning of this day week  at the house of public entertainment at
Canterbury  where Mrs  Micawber and myself had once the honour of
uniting our voices to yours  in the well known strain of the
Immortal exciseman nurtured beyond the Tweed 

 The duty done  and act of reparation performed  which can alone
enable me to contemplate my fellow mortal  I shall be known no
more   I shall simply require to be deposited in that place of
universal resort  where

     Each in his narrow cell for ever laid 
     The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep 

                       With the plain Inscription 

                          WILKINS MICAWBER  



CHAPTER   
Mr  PEGGOTTY S DREAM COMES TRUE


By this time  some months had passed since our interview on the
bank of the river with Martha   I had never seen her since  but she
had communicated with Mr  Peggotty on several occasions   Nothing
had come of her zealous intervention  nor could I infer  from what
he told me  that any clue had been obtained  for a moment  to
Emily s fate   I confess that I began to despair of her recovery 
and gradually to sink deeper and deeper into the belief that she
was dead 

His conviction remained unchanged   So far as I know   and I
believe his honest heart was transparent to me   he never wavered
again  in his solemn certainty of finding her   His patience never
tired   And  although I trembled for the agony it might one day be
to him to have his strong assurance shivered at a blow  there was
something so religious in it  so affectingly expressive of its
anchor being in the purest depths of his fine nature  that the
respect and honour in which I held him were exalted every day 

His was not a lazy trustfulness that hoped  and did no more   He
had been a man of sturdy action all his life  and he knew that in
all things wherein he wanted help he must do his own part
faithfully  and help himself   I have known him set out in the
night  on a misgiving that the light might not be  by some
accident  in the window of the old boat  and walk to Yarmouth   I
have known him  on reading something in the newspaper that might
apply to her  take up his stick  and go forth on a journey of
three  or four score miles   He made his way by sea to Naples  and
back  after hearing the narrative to which Miss Dartle had assisted
me   All his journeys were ruggedly performed  for he was always
steadfast in a purpose of saving money for Emily s sake  when she
should be found   In all this long pursuit  I never heard him
repine  I never heard him say he was fatigued  or out of heart 

Dora had often seen him since our marriage  and was quite fond of
him   I fancy his figure before me now  standing near her sofa 
with his rough cap in his hand  and the blue eyes of my child wife
raised  with a timid wonder  to his face   Sometimes of an evening 
about twilight  when he came to talk with me  I would induce him to
smoke his pipe in the garden  as we slowly paced to and fro
together  and then  the picture of his deserted home  and the
comfortable air it used to have in my childish eyes of an evening
when the fire was burning  and the wind moaning round it  came most
vividly into my mind 

One evening  at this hour  he told me that he had found Martha
waiting near his lodging on the preceding night when he came out 
and that she had asked him not to leave London on any account 
until he should have seen her again 

 Did she tell you why   I inquired 

 I asked her  Mas r Davy   he replied   but it is but few words as
she ever says  and she on y got my promise and so went away  

 Did she say when you might expect to see her again   I demanded 

 No  Mas r Davy   he returned  drawing his hand thoughtfully down
his face    I asked that too  but it was more  she said  than she
could tell  

As I had long forborne to encourage him with hopes that hung on
threads  I made no other comment on this information than that I
supposed he would see her soon   Such speculations as it engendered
within me I kept to myself  and those were faint enough 

I was walking alone in the garden  one evening  about a fortnight
afterwards   I remember that evening well   It was the second in
Mr  Micawber s week of suspense   There had been rain all day  and
there was a damp feeling in the air   The leaves were thick upon
the trees  and heavy with wet  but the rain had ceased  though the
sky was still dark  and the hopeful birds were singing cheerfully 
As I walked to and fro in the garden  and the twilight began to
close around me  their little voices were hushed  and that peculiar
silence which belongs to such an evening in the country when the
lightest trees are quite still  save for the occasional droppings
from their boughs  prevailed 

There was a little green perspective of trellis work and ivy at the
side of our cottage  through which I could see  from the garden
where I was walking  into the road before the house   I happened to
turn my eyes towards this place  as I was thinking of many things 
and I saw a figure beyond  dressed in a plain cloak   It was
bending eagerly towards me  and beckoning 

 Martha   said I  going to it 

 Can you come with me   she inquired  in an agitated whisper    I
have been to him  and he is not at home   I wrote down where he was
to come  and left it on his table with my own hand   They said he
would not be out long   I have tidings for him   Can you come
directly  

My answer was  to pass out at the gate immediately   She made a
hasty gesture with her hand  as if to entreat my patience and my
silence  and turned towards London  whence  as her dress betokened 
she had come expeditiously on foot 

I asked her if that were not our destination   On her motioning
Yes  with the same hasty gesture as before  I stopped an empty
coach that was coming by  and we got into it   When I asked her
where the coachman was to drive  she answered   Anywhere near
Golden Square  And quick     then shrunk into a corner  with one
trembling hand before her face  and the other making the former
gesture  as if she could not bear a voice 

Now much disturbed  and dazzled with conflicting gleams of hope and
dread  I looked at her for some explanation   But seeing how
strongly she desired to remain quiet  and feeling that it was my
own natural inclination too  at such a time  I did not attempt to
break the silence   We proceeded without a word being spoken 
Sometimes she glanced out of the window  as though she thought we
were going slowly  though indeed we were going fast  but otherwise
remained exactly as at first 

We alighted at one of the entrances to the Square she had
mentioned  where I directed the coach to wait  not knowing but that
we might have some occasion for it   She laid her hand on my arm 
and hurried me on to one of the sombre streets  of which there are
several in that part  where the houses were once fair dwellings in
the occupation of single families  but have  and had  long
degenerated into poor lodgings let off in rooms   Entering at the
open door of one of these  and releasing my arm  she beckoned me to
follow her up the common staircase  which was like a tributary
channel to the street 

The house swarmed with inmates   As we went up  doors of rooms were
opened and people s heads put out  and we passed other people on
the stairs  who were coming down   In glancing up from the outside 
before we entered  I had seen women and children lolling at the
windows over flower pots  and we seemed to have attracted their
curiosity  for these were principally the observers who looked out
of their doors   It was a broad panelled staircase  with massive
balustrades of some dark wood  cornices above the doors  ornamented
with carved fruit and flowers  and broad seats in the windows   But
all these tokens of past grandeur were miserably decayed and dirty 
rot  damp  and age  had weakened the flooring  which in many places
was unsound and even unsafe   Some attempts had been made  I
noticed  to infuse new blood into this dwindling frame  by
repairing the costly old wood work here and there with common deal 
but it was like the marriage of a reduced old noble to a plebeian
pauper  and each party to the ill assorted union shrunk away from
the other   Several of the back windows on the staircase had been
darkened or wholly blocked up   In those that remained  there was
scarcely any glass  and  through the crumbling frames by which the
bad air seemed always to come in  and never to go out  I saw 
through other glassless windows  into other houses in a similar
condition  and looked giddily down into a wretched yard  which was
the common dust heap of the mansion 

We proceeded to the top storey of the house   Two or three times 
by the way  I thought I observed in the indistinct light the skirts
of a female figure going up before us   As we turned to ascend the
last flight of stairs between us and the roof  we caught a full
view of this figure pausing for a moment  at a door   Then it
turned the handle  and went in 

 What s this   said Martha  in a whisper    She has gone into my
room   I don t know her  

I knew her   I had recognized her with amazement  for Miss Dartle 

I said something to the effect that it was a lady whom I had seen
before  in a few words  to my conductress  and had scarcely done
so  when we heard her voice in the room  though not  from where we
stood  what she was saying   Martha  with an astonished look 
repeated her former action  and softly led me up the stairs  and
then  by a little back door which seemed to have no lock  and which
she pushed open with a touch  into a small empty garret with a low
sloping roof  little better than a cupboard   Between this  and the
room she had called hers  there was a small door of communication 
standing partly open   Here we stopped  breathless with our ascent 
and she placed her hand lightly on my lips   I could only see  of
the room beyond  that it was pretty large  that there was a bed in
it  and that there were some common pictures of ships upon the
walls   I could not see Miss Dartle  or the person whom we had
heard her address   Certainly  my companion could not  for my
position was the best 
A dead silence prevailed for some moments   Martha kept one hand on
my lips  and raised the other in a listening attitude 

 It matters little to me her not being at home   said Rosa Dartle
haughtily   I know nothing of her   It is you I come to see  

 Me   replied a soft voice 

At the sound of it  a thrill went through my frame   For it was
Emily s 

 Yes   returned Miss Dartle   I have come to look at you   What 
You are not ashamed of the face that has done so much  

The resolute and unrelenting hatred of her tone  its cold stern
sharpness  and its mastered rage  presented her before me  as if I
had seen her standing in the light   I saw the flashing black eyes 
and the passion wasted figure  and I saw the scar  with its white
track cutting through her lips  quivering and throbbing as she
spoke 

 I have come to see   she said   James Steerforth s fancy  the girl
who ran away with him  and is the town talk of the commonest people
of her native place  the bold  flaunting  practised companion of
persons like James Steerforth   I want to know what such a thing is
like  

There was a rustle  as if the unhappy girl  on whom she heaped
these taunts  ran towards the door  and the speaker swiftly
interposed herself before it   It was succeeded by a moment s
pause 

When Miss Dartle spoke again  it was through her set teeth  and
with a stamp upon the ground 

 Stay there   she said   or I ll proclaim you to the house  and the
whole street  If you try to evade me  I ll stop you  if it s by the
hair  and raise the very stones against you  

A frightened murmur was the only reply that reached my ears   A
silence succeeded   I did not know what to do   Much as I desired
to put an end to the interview  I felt that I had no right to
present myself  that it was for Mr  Peggotty alone to see her and
recover her   Would he never come   I thought impatiently 

 So   said Rosa Dartle  with a contemptuous laugh   I see her at
last  Why  he was a poor creature to be taken by that delicate
mock modesty  and that hanging head  

 Oh  for Heaven s sake  spare me   exclaimed Emily    Whoever you
are  you know my pitiable story  and for Heaven s sake spare me  if
you would be spared yourself  

 If I would be spared   returned the other fiercely   what is there
in common between US  do you think  

 Nothing but our sex   said Emily  with a burst of tears 

 And that   said Rosa Dartle   is so strong a claim  preferred by
one so infamous  that if I had any feeling in my breast but scorn
and abhorrence of you  it would freeze it up   Our sex  You are an
honour to our sex  

 I have deserved this   said Emily   but it s dreadful  Dear  dear
lady  think what I have suffered  and how I am fallen  Oh  Martha 
come back  Oh  home  home  

Miss Dartle placed herself in a chair  within view of the door  and
looked downward  as if Emily were crouching on the floor before
her   Being now between me and the light  I could see her curled
lip  and her cruel eyes intently fixed on one place  with a greedy
triumph 

 Listen to what I say   she said   and reserve your false arts for
your dupes   Do you hope to move me by your tears   No more than
you could charm me by your smiles  you purchased slave  

 Oh  have some mercy on me   cried Emily    Show me some
compassion  or I shall die mad  

 It would be no great penance   said Rosa Dartle   for your crimes 
Do you know what you have done   Do you ever think of the home you
have laid waste  

 Oh  is there ever night or day  when I don t think of it   cried
Emily  and now I could just see her  on her knees  with her head
thrown back  her pale face looking upward  her hands wildly clasped
and held out  and her hair streaming about her    Has there ever
been a single minute  waking or sleeping  when it hasn t been
before me  just as it used to be in the lost days when I turned my
back upon it for ever and for ever  Oh  home  home  Oh dear  dear
uncle  if you ever could have known the agony your love would cause
me when I fell away from good  you never would have shown it to me
so constant  much as you felt it  but would have been angry to me 
at least once in my life  that I might have had some comfort  I
have none  none  no comfort upon earth  for all of them were always
fond of me   She dropped on her face  before the imperious figure
in the chair  with an imploring effort to clasp the skirt of her
dress 

Rosa Dartle sat looking down upon her  as inflexible as a figure of
brass   Her lips were tightly compressed  as if she knew that she
must keep a strong constraint upon herself   I write what I
sincerely believe   or she would be tempted to strike the beautiful
form with her foot   I saw her  distinctly  and the whole power of
her face and character seemed forced into that expression     Would
he never come 

 The miserable vanity of these earth worms   she said  when she had
so far controlled the angry heavings of her breast  that she could
trust herself to speak    YOUR home  Do you imagine that I bestow
a thought on it  or suppose you could do any harm to that low
place  which money would not pay for  and handsomely   YOUR home 
You were a part of the trade of your home  and were bought and sold
like any other vendible thing your people dealt in  

 Oh  not that   cried Emily    Say anything of me  but don t visit
my disgrace and shame  more than I have done  on folks who are as
honourable as you  Have some respect for them  as you are a lady 
if you have no mercy for me  

 I speak   she said  not deigning to take any heed of this appeal 
and drawing away her dress from the contamination of Emily s touch 
 I speak of HIS home   where I live   Here   she said  stretching
out her hand with her contemptuous laugh  and looking down upon the
prostrate girl   is a worthy cause of division between lady mother
and gentleman son  of grief in a house where she wouldn t have been
admitted as a kitchen girl  of anger  and repining  and reproach 
This piece of pollution  picked up from the water side  to be made
much of for an hour  and then tossed back to her original place  

 No  no   cried Emily  clasping her hands together    When he first
came into my way   that the day had never dawned upon me  and he
had met me being carried to my grave    I had been brought up as
virtuous as you or any lady  and was going to be the wife of as
good a man as you or any lady in the world can ever marry   If you
live in his home and know him  you know  perhaps  what his power
with a weak  vain girl might be   I don t defend myself  but I know
well  and he knows well  or he will know when he comes to die  and
his mind is troubled with it  that he used all his power to deceive
me  and that I believed him  trusted him  and loved him  

Rosa Dartle sprang up from her seat  recoiled  and in recoiling
struck at her  with a face of such malignity  so darkened and
disfigured by passion  that I had almost thrown myself between
them   The blow  which had no aim  fell upon the air   As she now
stood panting  looking at her with the utmost detestation that she
was capable of expressing  and trembling from head to foot with
rage and scorn  I thought I had never seen such a sight  and never
could see such another 

 YOU love him   You   she cried  with her clenched hand  quivering
as if it only wanted a weapon to stab the object of her wrath 

Emily had shrunk out of my view   There was no reply 

 And tell that to ME   she added   with your shameful lips   Why
don t they whip these creatures   If I could order it to be done 
I would have this girl whipped to death  

And so she would  I have no doubt   I would not have trusted her
with the rack itself  while that furious look lasted 
She slowly  very slowly  broke into a laugh  and pointed at Emily
with her hand  as if she were a sight of shame for gods and men 

 SHE love   she said    THAT carrion  And he ever cared for her 
she d tell me   Ha  ha  The liars that these traders are  

Her mockery was worse than her undisguised rage   Of the two  I
would have much preferred to be the object of the latter   But 
when she suffered it to break loose  it was only for a moment   She
had chained it up again  and however it might tear her within  she
subdued it to herself 

 I came here  you pure fountain of love   she said   to see   as I
began by telling you   what such a thing as you was like   I was
curious   I am satisfied   Also to tell you  that you had best seek
that home of yours  with all speed  and hide your head among those
excellent people who are expecting you  and whom your money will
console   When it s all gone  you can believe  and trust  and love
again  you know  I thought you a broken toy that had lasted its
time  a worthless spangle that was tarnished  and thrown away 
But  finding you true gold  a very lady  and an ill used innocent 
with a fresh heart full of love and trustfulness   which you look
like  and is quite consistent with your story    I have something
more to say   Attend to it  for what I say I ll do   Do you hear
me  you fairy spirit   What I say  I mean to do  

Her rage got the better of her again  for a moment  but it passed
over her face like a spasm  and left her smiling 

 Hide yourself   she pursued   if not at home  somewhere   Let it
be somewhere beyond reach  in some obscure life   or  better still 
in some obscure death   I wonder  if your loving heart will not
break  you have found no way of helping it to be still  I have
heard of such means sometimes   I believe they may be easily
found  

A low crying  on the part of Emily  interrupted her here   She
stopped  and listened to it as if it were music 

 I am of a strange nature  perhaps   Rosa Dartle went on   but I
can t breathe freely in the air you breathe   I find it sickly 
Therefore  I will have it cleared  I will have it purified of you 
If you live here tomorrow  I ll have your story and your character
proclaimed on the common stair   There are decent women in the
house  I am told  and it is a pity such a light as you should be
among them  and concealed   If  leaving here  you seek any refuge
in this town in any character but your true one  which you are
welcome to bear  without molestation from me   the same service
shall be done you  if I hear of your retreat   Being assisted by a
gentleman who not long ago aspired to the favour of your hand  I am
sanguine as to that  

Would he never  never come   How long was I to bear this   How long
could I bear it 
 Oh me  oh me   exclaimed the wretched Emily  in a tone that might
have touched the hardest heart  I should have thought  but there
was no relenting in Rosa Dartle s smile    What  what  shall I do  

 Do   returned the other    Live happy in your own reflections 
Consecrate your existence to the recollection of James Steerforth s
tenderness   he would have made you his serving man s wife  would
he not     or to feeling grateful to the upright and deserving
creature who would have taken you as his gift   Or  if those proud
remembrances  and the consciousness of your own virtues  and the
honourable position to which they have raised you in the eyes of
everything that wears the human shape  will not sustain you  marry
that good man  and be happy in his condescension   If this will not
do either  die  There are doorways and dust heaps for such deaths 
and such despair   find one  and take your flight to Heaven  

I heard a distant foot upon the stairs   I knew it  I was certain 
It was his  thank God 

She moved slowly from before the door when she said this  and
passed out of my sight 

 But mark   she added  slowly and sternly  opening the other door
to go away   I am resolved  for reasons that I have and hatreds
that I entertain  to cast you out  unless you withdraw from my
reach altogether  or drop your pretty mask   This is what I had to
say  and what I say  I mean to do  

The foot upon the stairs came nearer   nearer   passed her as she
went down   rushed into the room 

 Uncle  

A fearful cry followed the word   I paused a moment  and looking
in  saw him supporting her insensible figure in his arms   He gazed
for a few seconds in the face  then stooped to kiss it   oh  how
tenderly    and drew a handkerchief before it 

 Mas r Davy   he said  in a low tremulous voice  when it was
covered   I thank my Heav nly Father as my dream s come true  I
thank Him hearty for having guided of me  in His own ways  to my
darling  

With those words he took her up in his arms  and  with the veiled
face lying on his bosom  and addressed towards his own  carried
her  motionless and unconscious  down the stairs 



CHAPTER   
THE BEGINNING OF A LONGER JOURNEY


It was yet early in the morning of the following day  when  as I
was walking in my garden with my aunt  who took little other
exercise now  being so much in attendance on my dear Dora   I was
told that Mr  Peggotty desired to speak with me   He came into the
garden to meet me half way  on my going towards the gate  and bared
his head  as it was always his custom to do when he saw my aunt 
for whom he had a high respect   I had been telling her all that
had happened overnight   Without saying a word  she walked up with
a cordial face  shook hands with him  and patted him on the arm 
It was so expressively done  that she had no need to say a word 
Mr  Peggotty understood her quite as well as if she had said a
thousand 

 I ll go in now  Trot   said my aunt   and look after Little
Blossom  who will be getting up presently  

 Not along of my being heer  ma am  I hope   said Mr  Peggotty 
 Unless my wits is gone a bahd s neezing    by which Mr  Peggotty
meant to say  bird s nesting    this morning   tis along of me as
you re a going to quit us  

 You have something to say  my good friend   returned my aunt   and
will do better without me  

 By your leave  ma am   returned Mr  Peggotty   I should take it
kind  pervising you doen t mind my clicketten  if you d bide heer  

 Would you   said my aunt  with short good nature    Then I am sure
I will  

So  she drew her arm through Mr  Peggotty s  and walked with him to
a leafy little summer house there was at the bottom of the garden 
where she sat down on a bench  and I beside her   There was a seat
for Mr  Peggotty too  but he preferred to stand  leaning his hand
on the small rustic table   As he stood  looking at his cap for a
little while before beginning to speak  I could not help observing
what power and force of character his sinewy hand expressed  and
what a good and trusty companion it was to his honest brow and
iron grey hair 

 I took my dear child away last night   Mr  Peggotty began  as he
raised his eyes to ours   to my lodging  wheer I have a long time
been expecting of her and preparing fur her   It was hours afore
she knowed me right  and when she did  she kneeled down at my feet 
and kiender said to me  as if it was her prayers  how it all come
to be   You may believe me  when I heerd her voice  as I had heerd
at home so playful   and see her humbled  as it might be in the
dust our Saviour wrote in with his blessed hand   I felt a wownd go
to my  art  in the midst of all its thankfulness  

He drew his sleeve across his face  without any pretence of
concealing why  and then cleared his voice 

 It warn t for long as I felt that  for she was found   I had on y
to think as she was found  and it was gone   I doen t know why I do
so much as mention of it now  I m sure   I didn t have it in my
mind a minute ago  to say a word about myself  but it come up so
nat ral  that I yielded to it afore I was aweer  

 You are a self denying soul   said my aunt   and will have your
reward  

Mr  Peggotty  with the shadows of the leaves playing athwart his
face  made a surprised inclination of the head towards my aunt  as
an acknowledgement of her good opinion  then took up the thread he
had relinquished 

 When my Em ly took flight   he said  in stern wrath for the
moment   from the house wheer she was made a prisoner by that theer
spotted snake as Mas r Davy see    and his story s trew  and may
GOD confound him    she took flight in the night   It was a dark
night  with a many stars a shining   She was wild   She ran along
the sea beach  believing the old boat was theer  and calling out to
us to turn away our faces  for she was a coming by   She heerd
herself a crying out  like as if it was another person  and cut
herself on them sharp pinted stones and rocks  and felt it no more
than if she had been rock herself   Ever so fur she run  and there
was fire afore her eyes  and roarings in her ears   Of a sudden  
or so she thowt  you unnerstand   the day broke  wet and windy  and
she was lying b low a heap of stone upon the shore  and a woman was
a speaking to her  saying  in the language of that country  what
was it as had gone so much amiss  

He saw everything he related   It passed before him  as he spoke 
so vividly  that  in the intensity of his earnestness  he presented
what he described to me  with greater distinctness than I can
express   I can hardly believe  writing now long afterwards  but
that I was actually present in these scenes  they are impressed
upon me with such an astonishing air of fidelity 

 As Em ly s eyes   which was heavy   see this woman better   Mr 
Peggotty went on   she know d as she was one of them as she had
often talked to on the beach   Fur  though she had run  as I have
said  ever so fur in the night  she had oftentimes wandered long
ways  partly afoot  partly in boats and carriages  and know d all
that country   long the coast  miles and miles   She hadn t no
children of her own  this woman  being a young wife  but she was a 
looking to have one afore long   And may my prayers go up to Heaven
that  twill be a happiness to her  and a comfort  and a honour  all
her life  May it love her and be dootiful to her  in her old age 
helpful of her at the last  a Angel to her heer  and heerafter  

 Amen   said my aunt 

 She had been summat timorous and down   said Mr  Peggotty  and had
sat  at first  a little way off  at her spinning  or such work as
it was  when Em ly talked to the children   But Em ly had took
notice of her  and had gone and spoke to her  and as the young
woman was partial to the children herself  they had soon made
friends   Sermuchser  that when Em ly went that way  she always giv
Em ly flowers   This was her as now asked what it was that had gone
so much amiss   Em ly told her  and she   took her home   She did
indeed   She took her home   said Mr  Peggotty  covering his face 

He was more affected by this act of kindness  than I had ever seen
him affected by anything since the night she went away   My aunt
and I did not attempt to disturb him 

 It was a little cottage  you may suppose   he said  presently 
 but she found space for Em ly in it    her husband was away at
sea    and she kep it secret  and prevailed upon such neighbours as
she had  they was not many near  to keep it secret too   Em ly was
took bad with fever  and  what is very strange to me is    maybe
 tis not so strange to scholars    the language of that country
went out of her head  and she could only speak her own  that no one
unnerstood   She recollects  as if she had dreamed it  that she lay
there always a talking her own tongue  always believing as the old
boat was round the next pint in the bay  and begging and imploring
of  em to send theer and tell how she was dying  and bring back a
message of forgiveness  if it was on y a wured   A most the whole
time  she thowt    now  that him as I made mention on just now was
lurking for her unnerneath the winder  now that him as had brought
her to this was in the room    and cried to the good young woman
not to give her up  and know d  at the same time  that she couldn t
unnerstand  and dreaded that she must be took away   Likewise the
fire was afore her eyes  and the roarings in her ears  and theer
was no today  nor yesterday  nor yet tomorrow  but everything in
her life as ever had been  or as ever could be  and everything as
never had been  and as never could be  was a crowding on her all at
once  and nothing clear nor welcome  and yet she sang and laughed
about it  How long this lasted  I doen t know  but then theer come
a sleep  and in that sleep  from being a many times stronger than
her own self  she fell into the weakness of the littlest child  

Here he stopped  as if for relief from the terrors of his own
description   After being silent for a few moments  he pursued his
story 

 It was a pleasant arternoon when she awoke  and so quiet  that
there warn t a sound but the rippling of that blue sea without a
tide  upon the shore   It was her belief  at first  that she was at
home upon a Sunday morning  but the vine leaves as she see at the
winder  and the hills beyond  warn t home  and contradicted of her 
Then  come in her friend to watch alongside of her bed  and then
she know d as the old boat warn t round that next pint in the bay
no more  but was fur off  and know d where she was  and why  and
broke out a crying on that good young woman s bosom  wheer I hope
her baby is a lying now  a cheering of her with its pretty eyes  

He could not speak of this good friend of Emily s without a flow of
tears   It was in vain to try   He broke down again  endeavouring
to bless her 

 That done my Em ly good   he resumed  after such emotion as I
could not behold without sharing in  and as to my aunt  she wept
with all her heart   that done Em ly good  and she begun to mend 
But  the language of that country was quite gone from her  and she
was forced to make signs   So she went on  getting better from day
to day  slow  but sure  and trying to learn the names of common
things   names as she seemed never to have heerd in all her life  
till one evening come  when she was a setting at her window 
looking at a little girl at play upon the beach   And of a sudden
this child held out her hand  and said  what would be in English 
 Fisherman s daughter  here s a shell     for you are to unnerstand
that they used at first to call her  Pretty lady   as the general
way in that country is  and that she had taught  em to call her
 Fisherman s daughter  instead   The child says of a sudden 
 Fisherman s daughter  here s a shell   Then Em ly unnerstands her 
and she answers  bursting out a crying  and it all comes back 

 When Em ly got strong again   said Mr  Peggotty  after another
short interval of silence   she cast about to leave that good young
creetur  and get to her own country   The husband was come home 
then  and the two together put her aboard a small trader bound to
Leghorn  and from that to France   She had a little money  but it
was less than little as they would take for all they done   I m
a most glad on it  though they was so poor  What they done  is laid
up wheer neither moth or rust doth corrupt  and wheer thieves do
not break through nor steal   Mas r Davy  it ll outlast all the
treasure in the wureld 

 Em ly got to France  and took service to wait on travelling ladies
at a inn in the port   Theer  theer come  one day  that snake    
Let him never come nigh me   I doen t know what hurt I might do
him    Soon as she see him  without him seeing her  all her fear
and wildness returned upon her  and she fled afore the very breath
he draw d   She come to England  and was set ashore at Dover 

 I doen t know   said Mr  Peggotty   for sure  when her  art begun
to fail her  but all the way to England she had thowt to come to
her dear home   Soon as she got to England she turned her face
tow rds it   But  fear of not being forgiv  fear of being pinted
at  fear of some of us being dead along of her  fear of many
things  turned her from it  kiender by force  upon the road 
 Uncle  uncle   she says to me   the fear of not being worthy to do
what my torn and bleeding breast so longed to do  was the most
fright ning fear of all  I turned back  when my  art was full of
prayers that I might crawl to the old door step  in the night  kiss
it  lay my wicked face upon it  and theer be found dead in the
morning  

 She come   said Mr  Peggotty  dropping his voice to an
awe stricken whisper   to London   She   as had never seen it in
her life   alone   without a penny   young   so pretty   come to
London   A most the moment as she lighted heer  all so desolate 
she found  as she believed  a friend  a decent woman as spoke to
her about the needle work as she had been brought up to do  about
finding plenty of it fur her  about a lodging fur the night  and
making secret inquiration concerning of me and all at home 
tomorrow   When my child   he said aloud  and with an energy of
gratitude that shook him from head to foot   stood upon the brink
of more than I can say or think on   Martha  trew to her promise 
saved her  

I could not repress a cry of joy 

 Mas r Davy   said he  gripping my hand in that strong hand of his 
 it was you as first made mention of her to me   I thankee  sir 
She was arnest   She had know d of her bitter knowledge wheer to
watch and what to do   She had done it   And the Lord was above
all  She come  white and hurried  upon Em ly in her sleep   She
says to her   Rise up from worse than death  and come with me  
Them belonging to the house would have stopped her  but they might
as soon have stopped the sea    Stand away from me   she says   I
am a ghost that calls her from beside her open grave   She told
Em ly she had seen me  and know d I loved her  and forgive her 
She wrapped her  hasty  in her clothes   She took her  faint and
trembling  on her arm   She heeded no more what they said  than if
she had had no ears   She walked among  em with my child  minding
only her  and brought her safe out  in the dead of the night  from
that black pit of ruin 

 She attended on Em ly   said Mr  Peggotty  who had released my
hand  and put his own hand on his heaving chest   she attended to
my Em ly  lying wearied out  and wandering betwixt whiles  till
late next day   Then she went in search of me  then in search of
you  Mas r Davy   She didn t tell Em ly what she come out fur  lest
her  art should fail  and she should think of hiding of herself 
How the cruel lady know d of her being theer  I can t say   Whether
him as I have spoke so much of  chanced to see  em going theer  or
whether  which is most like  to my thinking  he had heerd it from
the woman  I doen t greatly ask myself   My niece is found 

 All night long   said Mr  Peggotty   we have been together  Em ly
and me    Tis little  considering the time  as she has said  in
wureds  through them broken hearted tears   tis less as I have seen
of her dear face  as grow d into a woman s at my hearth   But  all
night long  her arms has been about my neck  and her head has laid
heer  and we knows full well  as we can put our trust in one
another  ever more  

He ceased to speak  and his hand upon the table rested there in
perfect repose  with a resolution in it that might have conquered
lions 

 It was a gleam of light upon me  Trot   said my aunt  drying her
eyes   when I formed the resolution of being godmother to your
sister Betsey Trotwood  who disappointed me  but  next to that 
hardly anything would have given me greater pleasure  than to be
godmother to that good young creature s baby  

Mr  Peggotty nodded his understanding of my aunt s feelings  but
could not trust himself with any verbal reference to the subject of
her commendation   We all remained silent  and occupied with our
own reflections  my aunt drying her eyes  and now sobbing
convulsively  and now laughing and calling herself a fool   until
I spoke 

 You have quite made up your mind   said I to Mr  Peggotty   as to
the future  good friend   I need scarcely ask you  

 Quite  Mas r Davy   he returned   and told Em ly   Theer s mighty
countries  fur from heer   Our future life lays over the sea  

 They will emigrate together  aunt   said I 

 Yes   said Mr  Peggotty  with a hopeful smile    No one can t
reproach my darling in Australia   We will begin a new life over
theer  

I asked him if he yet proposed to himself any time for going away 

 I was down at the Docks early this morning  sir   he returned   to
get information concerning of them ships   In about six weeks or
two months from now  there ll be one sailing   I see her this
morning   went aboard   and we shall take our passage in her  

 Quite alone   I asked 

 Aye  Mas r Davy   he returned    My sister  you see  she s that
fond of you and yourn  and that accustomed to think on y of her own
country  that it wouldn t be hardly fair to let her go   Besides
which  theer s one she has in charge  Mas r Davy  as doen t ought
to be forgot  

 Poor Ham   said I 

 My good sister takes care of his house  you see  ma am  and he
takes kindly to her   Mr  Peggotty explained for my aunt s better
information    He ll set and talk to her  with a calm spirit  wen
it s like he couldn t bring himself to open his lips to another 
Poor fellow   said Mr  Peggotty  shaking his head   theer s not so
much left him  that he could spare the little as he has  

 And Mrs  Gummidge   said I 

 Well  I ve had a mort of consideration  I do tell you   returned
Mr  Peggotty  with a perplexed look which gradually cleared as he
went on   concerning of Missis Gummidge   You see  wen Missis
Gummidge falls a thinking of the old  un  she an t what you may
call good company   Betwixt you and me  Mas r Davy   and you  ma am
  wen Mrs  Gummidge takes to wimicking     our old country word for
crying     she s liable to be considered to be  by them as didn t
know the old  un  peevish like   Now I DID know the old  un   said
Mr  Peggotty   and I know d his merits  so I unnerstan  her  but
 tan t entirely so  you see  with others   nat rally can t be  

My aunt and I both acquiesced 

 Wheerby   said Mr  Peggotty   my sister might   I doen t say she
would  but might   find Missis Gummidge give her a leetle trouble
now and again   Theerfur  tan t my intentions to moor Missis
Gummidge  long with them  but to find a Beein  fur her wheer she
can fisherate for herself     A Beein  signifies  in that dialect 
a home  and to fisherate is to provide    Fur which purpose   said
Mr  Peggotty   I means to make her a  lowance afore I go  as ll
leave her pretty comfort ble   She s the faithfullest of creeturs 
 Tan t to be expected  of course  at her time of life  and being
lone and lorn  as the good old Mawther is to be knocked about
aboardship  and in the woods and wilds of a new and fur away
country   So that s what I m a going to do with her  

He forgot nobody   He thought of everybody s claims and strivings 
but his own 

 Em ly   he continued   will keep along with me   poor child  she s
sore in need of peace and rest    until such time as we goes upon
our voyage   She ll work at them clothes  as must be made  and I
hope her troubles will begin to seem longer ago than they was  wen
she finds herself once more by her rough but loving uncle  

MY aunt nodded confirmation of this hope  and imparted great
satisfaction to Mr  Peggotty 

 Theer s one thing furder  Mas r Davy   said he  putting his hand
in his breast pocket  and gravely taking out the little paper
bundle I had seen before  which he unrolled on the table    Theer s
these here banknotes   fifty pound  and ten   To them I wish to add
the money as she come away with   I ve asked her about that  but
not saying why   and have added of it up   I an t a scholar   Would
you be so kind as see how  tis  

He handed me  apologetically for his scholarship  a piece of paper 
and observed me while I looked it over   It was quite right 

 Thankee  sir   he said  taking it back    This money  if you
doen t see objections  Mas r Davy  I shall put up jest afore I go 
in a cover directed to him  and put that up in another  directed to
his mother   I shall tell her  in no more wureds than I speak to
you  what it s the price on  and that I m gone  and past receiving
of it back  

I told him that I thought it would be right to do so   that I was
thoroughly convinced it would be  since he felt it to be right 

 I said that theer was on y one thing furder   he proceeded with a
grave smile  when he had made up his little bundle again  and put
it in his pocket   but theer was two   I warn t sure in my mind 
wen I come out this morning  as I could go and break to Ham  of my
own self  what had so thankfully happened   So I writ a letter
while I was out  and put it in the post office  telling of  em how
all was as  tis  and that I should come down tomorrow to unload my
mind of what little needs a doing of down theer  and  most like 
take my farewell leave of Yarmouth  

 And do you wish me to go with you   said I  seeing that he left
something unsaid 

 If you could do me that kind favour  Mas r Davy   he replied    I
know the sight on you would cheer  em up a bit  

My little Dora being in good spirits  and very desirous that I
should go   as I found on talking it over with her   I readily
pledged myself to accompany him in accordance with his wish   Next
morning  consequently  we were on the Yarmouth coach  and again
travelling over the old ground 

As we passed along the familiar street at night   Mr  Peggotty  in
despite of all my remonstrances  carrying my bag   I glanced into
Omer and Joram s shop  and saw my old friend Mr  Omer there 
smoking his pipe   I felt reluctant to be present  when Mr 
Peggotty first met his sister and Ham  and made Mr  Omer my excuse
for lingering behind 

 How is Mr  Omer  after this long time   said I  going in 

He fanned away the smoke of his pipe  that he might get a better
view of me  and soon recognized me with great delight 

 I should get up  sir  to acknowledge such an honour as this
visit   said he   only my limbs are rather out of sorts  and I am
wheeled about   With the exception of my limbs and my breath 
howsoever  I am as hearty as a man can be  I m thankful to say  

I congratulated him on his contented looks and his good spirits 
and saw  now  that his easy chair went on wheels 

 It s an ingenious thing  ain t it   he inquired  following the
direction of my glance  and polishing the elbow with his arm    It
runs as light as a feather  and tracks as true as a mail coach 
Bless you  my little Minnie   my grand daughter you know  Minnie s
child   puts her little strength against the back  gives it a
shove  and away we go  as clever and merry as ever you see
anything  And I tell you what   it s a most uncommon chair to smoke
a pipe in  

I never saw such a good old fellow to make the best of a thing  and
find out the enjoyment of it  as Mr  Omer   He was as radiant  as
if his chair  his asthma  and the failure of his limbs  were the
various branches of a great invention for enhancing the luxury of
a pipe 

 I see more of the world  I can assure you   said Mr  Omer   in
this chair  than ever I see out of it   You d be surprised at the
number of people that looks in of a day to have a chat   You really
would  There s twice as much in the newspaper  since I ve taken to
this chair  as there used to be   As to general reading  dear me 
what a lot of it I do get through  That s what I feel so strong 
you know  If it had been my eyes  what should I have done   If it
had been my ears  what should I have done   Being my limbs  what
does it signify   Why  my limbs only made my breath shorter when I
used  em   And now  if I want to go out into the street or down to
the sands  I ve only got to call Dick  Joram s youngest  prentice 
and away I go in my own carriage  like the Lord Mayor of London  

He half suffocated himself with laughing here 

 Lord bless you   said Mr  Omer  resuming his pipe   a man must
take the fat with the lean  that s what he must make up his mind
to  in this life   Joram does a fine business   Ex cellent
business  

 I am very glad to hear it   said I 

 I knew you would be   said Mr  Omer    And Joram and Minnie are
like Valentines   What more can a man expect   What s his limbs to
that  

His supreme contempt for his own limbs  as he sat smoking  was one
of the pleasantest oddities I have ever encountered 

 And since I ve took to general reading  you ve took to general
writing  eh  sir   said Mr  Omer  surveying me admiringly    What
a lovely work that was of yours  What expressions in it  I read it
every word   every word   And as to feeling sleepy  Not at all  

I laughingly expressed my satisfaction  but I must confess that I
thought this association of ideas significant 

 I give you my word and honour  sir   said Mr  Omer   that when I
lay that book upon the table  and look at it outside  compact in
three separate and indiwidual wollumes   one  two  three  I am as
proud as Punch to think that I once had the honour of being
connected with your family   And dear me  it s a long time ago 
now  ain t it   Over at Blunderstone   With a pretty little party
laid along with the other party   And you quite a small party then 
yourself   Dear  dear  

I changed the subject by referring to Emily   After assuring him
that I did not forget how interested he had always been in her  and
how kindly he had always treated her  I gave him a general account
of her restoration to her uncle by the aid of Martha  which I knew
would please the old man   He listened with the utmost attention 
and said  feelingly  when I had done 

 I am rejoiced at it  sir  It s the best news I have heard for many
a day   Dear  dear  dear  And what s going to be undertook for that
unfortunate young woman  Martha  now  

 You touch a point that my thoughts have been dwelling on since
yesterday   said I   but on which I can give you no information
yet  Mr  Omer   Mr  Peggotty has not alluded to it  and I have a
delicacy in doing so   I am sure he has not forgotten it   He
forgets nothing that is disinterested and good  

 Because you know   said Mr  Omer  taking himself up  where he had
left off   whatever is done  I should wish to be a member of   Put
me down for anything you may consider right  and let me know   I
never could think the girl all bad  and I am glad to find she s
not   So will my daughter Minnie be   Young women are contradictory
creatures in some things   her mother was just the same as her  
but their hearts are soft and kind   It s all show with Minnie 
about Martha   Why she should consider it necessary to make any
show  I don t undertake to tell you   But it s all show  bless you 
She d do her any kindness in private   So  put me down for whatever
you may consider right  will you be so good   and drop me a line
where to forward it   Dear me   said Mr  Omer   when a man is
drawing on to a time of life  where the two ends of life meet  when
he finds himself  however hearty he is  being wheeled about for the
second time  in a speeches of go cart  he should be over rejoiced
to do a kindness if he can   He wants plenty   And I don t speak of
myself  particular   said Mr  Omer   because  sir  the way I look
at it is  that we are all drawing on to the bottom of the hill 
whatever age we are  on account of time never standing still for a
single moment   So let us always do a kindness  and be
over rejoiced   To be sure  

He knocked the ashes out of his pipe  and put it on a ledge in the
back of his chair  expressly made for its reception 

 There s Em ly s cousin  him that she was to have been married to  
said Mr  Omer  rubbing his hands feebly   as fine a fellow as there
is in Yarmouth  He ll come and talk or read to me  in the evening 
for an hour together sometimes   That s a kindness  I should call
it  All his life s a kindness  

 I am going to see him now   said I 

 Are you   said Mr  Omer    Tell him I was hearty  and sent my
respects   Minnie and Joram s at a ball   They would be as proud to
see you as I am  if they was at home   Minnie won t hardly go out
at all  you see   on account of father   as she says   So I swore
tonight  that if she didn t go  I d go to bed at six   In
consequence of which   Mr  Omer shook himself and his chair with
laughter at the success of his device   she and Joram s at a ball  

I shook hands with him  and wished him good night 

 Half a minute  sir   said Mr  Omer    If you was to go without
seeing my little elephant  you d lose the best of sights   You
never see such a sight  Minnie  
A musical little voice answered  from somewhere upstairs   I am
coming  grandfather   and a pretty little girl with long  flaxen 
curling hair  soon came running into the shop 

 This is my little elephant  sir   said Mr  Omer  fondling the
child    Siamese breed  sir   Now  little elephant  

The little elephant set the door of the parlour open  enabling me
to see that  in these latter days  it was converted into a bedroom
for Mr  Omer who could not be easily conveyed upstairs  and then
hid her pretty forehead  and tumbled her long hair  against the
back of Mr  Omer s chair 

 The elephant butts  you know  sir   said Mr  Omer  winking   when
he goes at a object   Once  elephant   Twice   Three times  

At this signal  the little elephant  with a dexterity that was next
to marvellous in so small an animal  whisked the chair round with
Mr  Omer in it  and rattled it off  pell mell  into the parlour 
without touching the door post  Mr  Omer indescribably enjoying the
performance  and looking back at me on the road as if it were the
triumphant issue of his life s exertions 

After a stroll about the town I went to Ham s house   Peggotty had
now removed here for good  and had let her own house to the
successor of Mr  Barkis in the carrying business  who had paid her
very well for the good will  cart  and horse   I believe the very
same slow horse that Mr  Barkis drove was still at work 

I found them in the neat kitchen  accompanied by Mrs  Gummidge  who
had been fetched from the old boat by Mr  Peggotty himself   I
doubt if she could have been induced to desert her post  by anyone
else   He had evidently told them all   Both Peggotty and Mrs 
Gummidge had their aprons to their eyes  and Ham had just stepped
out  to take a turn on the beach    He presently came home  very
glad to see me  and I hope they were all the better for my being
there   We spoke  with some approach to cheerfulness  of Mr 
Peggotty s growing rich in a new country  and of the wonders he
would describe in his letters   We said nothing of Emily by name 
but distantly referred to her more than once   Ham was the serenest
of the party 

But  Peggotty told me  when she lighted me to a little chamber
where the Crocodile book was lying ready for me on the table  that
he always was the same   She believed  she told me  crying  that he
was broken hearted  though he was as full of courage as of
sweetness  and worked harder and better than any boat builder in
any yard in all that part   There were times  she said  of an
evening  when he talked of their old life in the boat house  and
then he mentioned Emily as a child   But  he never mentioned her as
a woman 

I thought I had read in his face that he would like to speak to me
alone   I therefore resolved to put myself in his way next evening 
as he came home from his work   Having settled this with myself  I
fell asleep   That night  for the first time in all those many
nights  the candle was taken out of the window  Mr  Peggotty swung
in his old hammock in the old boat  and the wind murmured with the
old sound round his head 

All next day  he was occupied in disposing of his fishing boat and
tackle  in packing up  and sending to London by waggon  such of his
little domestic possessions as he thought would be useful to him 
and in parting with the rest  or bestowing them on Mrs  Gummidge 
She was with him all day   As I had a sorrowful wish to see the old
place once more  before it was locked up  I engaged to meet them
there in the evening   But I so arranged it  as that I should meet
Ham first 

It was easy to come in his way  as I knew where he worked   I met
him at a retired part of the sands  which I knew he would cross 
and turned back with him  that he might have leisure to speak to me
if he really wished   I had not mistaken the expression of his
face   We had walked but a little way together  when he said 
without looking at me 

 Mas r Davy  have you seen her  

 Only for a moment  when she was in a swoon   I softly answered 

We walked a little farther  and he said 

 Mas r Davy  shall you see her  d ye think  

 It would be too painful to her  perhaps   said I 

 I have thowt of that   he replied    So  twould  sir  so  twould  

 But  Ham   said I  gently   if there is anything that I could
write to her  for you  in case I could not tell it  if there is
anything you would wish to make known to her through me  I should
consider it a sacred trust  

 I am sure on t   I thankee  sir  most kind  I think theer is
something I could wish said or wrote  

 What is it  

We walked a little farther in silence  and then he spoke 

  Tan t that I forgive her    Tan t that so much    Tis more as I
beg of her to forgive me  for having pressed my affections upon
her   Odd times  I think that if I hadn t had her promise fur to
marry me  sir  she was that trustful of me  in a friendly way  that
she d have told me what was struggling in her mind  and would have
counselled with me  and I might have saved her  

I pressed his hand    Is that all  
 Theer s yet a something else   he returned   if I can say it 
Mas r Davy  

We walked on  farther than we had walked yet  before he spoke
again   He was not crying when he made the pauses I shall express
by lines   He was merely collecting himself to speak very plainly 

 I loved her   and I love the mem ry of her   too deep   to be able
to lead her to believe of my own self as I m a happy man   I could
only be happy   by forgetting of her   and I m afeerd I couldn t
hardly bear as she should be told I done that   But if you  being
so full of learning  Mas r Davy  could think of anything to say as
might bring her to believe I wasn t greatly hurt  still loving of
her  and mourning for her  anything as might bring her to believe
as I was not tired of my life  and yet was hoping fur to see her
without blame  wheer the wicked cease from troubling and the weary
are at rest   anything as would ease her sorrowful mind  and yet
not make her think as I could ever marry  or as  twas possible that
anyone could ever be to me what she was   I should ask of you to
say that   with my prayers for her   that was so dear  

I pressed his manly hand again  and told him I would charge myself
to do this as well as I could 

 I thankee  sir   he answered     Twas kind of you to meet me 
 Twas kind of you to bear him company down   Mas r Davy  I
unnerstan  very well  though my aunt will come to Lon on afore they
sail  and they ll unite once more  that I am not like to see him
agen   I fare to feel sure on t   We doen t say so  but so  twill
be  and better so   The last you see on him   the very last   will
you give him the lovingest duty and thanks of the orphan  as he was
ever more than a father to  

This I also promised  faithfully 

 I thankee agen  sir   he said  heartily shaking hands    I know
wheer you re a going   Good bye  

With a slight wave of his hand  as though to explain to me that he
could not enter the old place  he turned away   As I looked after
his figure  crossing the waste in the moonlight  I saw him turn his
face towards a strip of silvery light upon the sea  and pass on 
looking at it  until he was a shadow in the distance 

The door of the boat house stood open when I approached  and  on
entering  I found it emptied of all its furniture  saving one of
the old lockers  on which Mrs  Gummidge  with a basket on her knee 
was seated  looking at Mr  Peggotty   He leaned his elbow on the
rough chimney piece  and gazed upon a few expiring embers in the
grate  but he raised his head  hopefully  on my coming in  and
spoke in a cheery manner 

 Come  according to promise  to bid farewell to  t  eh  Mas r
Davy   he said  taking up the candle    Bare enough  now  an t it  
 Indeed you have made good use of the time   said I 

 Why  we have not been idle  sir   Missis Gummidge has worked like
a   I doen t know what Missis Gummidge an t worked like   said Mr 
Peggotty  looking at her  at a loss for a sufficiently approving
simile 

Mrs  Gummidge  leaning on her basket  made no observation 

 Theer s the very locker that you used to sit on   long with
Em ly   said Mr  Peggotty  in a whisper    I m a going to carry it
away with me  last of all   And heer s your old little bedroom 
see  Mas r Davy  A most as bleak tonight  as  art could wish  

In truth  the wind  though it was low  had a solemn sound  and
crept around the deserted house with a whispered wailing that was
very mournful   Everything was gone  down to the little mirror with
the oyster shell frame   I thought of myself  lying here  when that
first great change was being wrought at home   I thought of the
blue eyed child who had enchanted me   I thought of Steerforth  and
a foolish  fearful fancy came upon me of his being near at hand 
and liable to be met at any turn 

  Tis like to be long   said Mr  Peggotty  in a low voice   afore
the boat finds new tenants   They look upon  t  down beer  as being
unfortunate now  

 Does it belong to anybody in the neighbourhood   I asked 

 To a mast maker up town   said Mr  Peggotty    I m a going to give
the key to him tonight  

We looked into the other little room  and came back to Mrs 
Gummidge  sitting on the locker  whom Mr  Peggotty  putting the
light on the chimney piece  requested to rise  that he might carry
it outside the door before extinguishing the candle 

 Dan l   said Mrs  Gummidge  suddenly deserting her basket  and
clinging to his arm  my dear Dan l  the parting words I speak in
this house is  I mustn t be left behind   Doen t ye think of
leaving me behind  Dan l  Oh  doen t ye ever do it  

Mr  Peggotty  taken aback  looked from Mrs  Gummidge to me  and
from me to Mrs  Gummidge  as if he had been awakened from a sleep 

 Doen t ye  dearest Dan l  doen t ye   cried Mrs  Gummidge 
fervently    Take me  long with you  Dan l  take me  long with you
and Em ly  I ll be your servant  constant and trew   If there s
slaves in them parts where you re a going  I ll be bound to you for
one  and happy  but doen t ye leave me behind  Dan l  that s a
deary dear  

 My good soul   said Mr  Peggotty  shaking his head   you doen t
know what a long voyage  and what a hard life  tis  
 Yes  I do  Dan l  I can guess   cried Mrs  Gummidge    But my
parting words under this roof is  I shall go into the house and
die  if I am not took   I can dig  Dan l   I can work   I can live
hard   I can be loving and patient now   more than you think 
Dan l  if you ll on y try me   I wouldn t touch the  lowance  not
if I was dying of want  Dan l Peggotty  but I ll go with you and
Em ly  if you ll on y let me  to the world s end  I know how  tis 
I know you think that I am lone and lorn  but  deary love   tan t
so no more  I ain t sat here  so long  a watching  and a thinking
of your trials  without some good being done me   Mas r Davy  speak
to him for me  I knows his ways  and Em ly s  and I knows their
sorrows  and can be a comfort to  em  some odd times  and labour
for  em allus  Dan l  deary Dan l  let me go  long with you  

And Mrs  Gummidge took his hand  and kissed it with a homely pathos
and affection  in a homely rapture of devotion and gratitude  that
he well deserved 

We brought the locker out  extinguished the candle  fastened the
door on the outside  and left the old boat close shut up  a dark
speck in the cloudy night   Next day  when we were returning to
London outside the coach  Mrs  Gummidge and her basket were on the
seat behind  and Mrs  Gummidge was happy 



CHAPTER   
I ASSIST AT AN EXPLOSION


When the time Mr  Micawber had appointed so mysteriously  was
within four and twenty hours of being come  my aunt and I consulted
how we should proceed  for my aunt was very unwilling to leave
Dora   Ah  how easily I carried Dora up and down stairs  now 

We were disposed  notwithstanding Mr  Micawber s stipulation for my
aunt s attendance  to arrange that she should stay at home  and be
represented by Mr  Dick and me   In short  we had resolved to take
this course  when Dora again unsettled us by declaring that she
never would forgive herself  and never would forgive her bad boy 
if my aunt remained behind  on any pretence 

 I won t speak to you   said Dora  shaking her curls at my aunt 
 I ll be disagreeable  I ll make Jip bark at you all day   I shall
be sure that you really are a cross old thing  if you don t go  

 Tut  Blossom   laughed my aunt    You know you can t do without
me  

 Yes  I can   said Dora    You are no use to me at all   You never
run up and down stairs for me  all day long   You never sit and
tell me stories about Doady  when his shoes were worn out  and he
was covered with dust   oh  what a poor little mite of a fellow 
You never do anything at all to please me  do you  dear   Dora made
haste to kiss my aunt  and say   Yes  you do  I m only joking   
lest my aunt should think she really meant it 

 But  aunt   said Dora  coaxingly   now listen   You must go   I
shall tease you   till you let me have my own way about it   I
shall lead my naughty boy such a life  if he don t make you go   I
shall make myself so disagreeable   and so will Jip  You ll wish
you had gone  like a good thing  for ever and ever so long  if you
don t go   Besides   said Dora  putting back her hair  and looking
wonderingly at my aunt and me   why shouldn t you both go   I am
not very ill indeed   Am I  

 Why  what a question   cried my aunt 

 What a fancy   said I 

 Yes  I know I am a silly little thing   said Dora  slowly looking
from one of us to the other  and then putting up her pretty lips to
kiss us as she lay upon her couch    Well  then  you must both go 
or I shall not believe you  and then I shall cry  

I saw  in my aunt s face  that she began to give way now  and Dora
brightened again  as she saw it too 

 You ll come back with so much to tell me  that it ll take at least
a week to make me understand   said Dora    Because I know I shan t
understand  for a length of time  if there s any business in it 
And there s sure to be some business in it  If there s anything to
add up  besides  I don t know when I shall make it out  and my bad
boy will look so miserable all the time   There  Now you ll go 
won t you   You ll only be gone one night  and Jip will take care
of me while you are gone   Doady will carry me upstairs before you
go  and I won t come down again till you come back  and you shall
take Agnes a dreadfully scolding letter from me  because she has
never been to see us  

We agreed  without any more consultation  that we would both go 
and that Dora was a little Impostor  who feigned to be rather
unwell  because she liked to be petted   She was greatly pleased 
and very merry  and we four  that is to say  my aunt  Mr  Dick 
Traddles  and I  went down to Canterbury by the Dover mail that
night 

At the hotel where Mr  Micawber had requested us to await him 
which we got into  with some trouble  in the middle of the night 
I found a letter  importing that he would appear in the morning
punctually at half past nine   After which  we went shivering  at
that uncomfortable hour  to our respective beds  through various
close passages  which smelt as if they had been steeped  for ages 
in a solution of soup and stables 

Early in the morning  I sauntered through the dear old tranquil
streets  and again mingled with the shadows of the venerable
gateways and churches   The rooks were sailing about the cathedral
towers  and the towers themselves  overlooking many a long
unaltered mile of the rich country and its pleasant streams  were
cutting the bright morning air  as if there were no such thing as
change on earth   Yet the bells  when they sounded  told me
sorrowfully of change in everything  told me of their own age  and
my pretty Dora s youth  and of the many  never old  who had lived
and loved and died  while the reverberations of the bells had
hummed through the rusty armour of the Black Prince hanging up
within  and  motes upon the deep of Time  had lost themselves in
air  as circles do in water 

I looked at the old house from the corner of the street  but did
not go nearer to it  lest  being observed  I might unwittingly do
any harm to the design I had come to aid   The early sun was
striking edgewise on its gables and lattice windows  touching them
with gold  and some beams of its old peace seemed to touch my
heart 

I strolled into the country for an hour or so  and then returned by
the main street  which in the interval had shaken off its last
night s sleep   Among those who were stirring in the shops  I saw
my ancient enemy the butcher  now advanced to top boots and a baby 
and in business for himself   He was nursing the baby  and appeared
to be a benignant member of society 

We all became very anxious and impatient  when we sat down to
breakfast   As it approached nearer and nearer to half past nine
o clock  our restless expectation of Mr  Micawber increased   At
last we made no more pretence of attending to the meal  which 
except with Mr  Dick  had been a mere form from the first  but my
aunt walked up and down the room  Traddles sat upon the sofa
affecting to read the paper with his eyes on the ceiling  and I
looked out of the window to give early notice of Mr  Micawber s
coming   Nor had I long to watch  for  at the first chime of the
half hour  he appeared in the street 

 Here he is   said I   and not in his legal attire  

My aunt tied the strings of her bonnet  she had come down to
breakfast in it   and put on her shawl  as if she were ready for
anything that was resolute and uncompromising   Traddles buttoned
his coat with a determined air   Mr  Dick  disturbed by these
formidable appearances  but feeling it necessary to imitate them 
pulled his hat  with both hands  as firmly over his ears as he
possibly could  and instantly took it off again  to welcome Mr 
Micawber 

 Gentlemen  and madam   said Mr  Micawber   good morning  My dear
sir   to Mr  Dick  who shook hands with him violently   you are
extremely good  

 Have you breakfasted   said Mr  Dick    Have a chop  

 Not for the world  my good sir   cried Mr  Micawber  stopping him
on his way to the bell   appetite and myself  Mr  Dixon  have long
been strangers  

Mr  Dixon was so well pleased with his new name  and appeared to
think it so obliging in Mr  Micawber to confer it upon him  that he
shook hands with him again  and laughed rather childishly 

 Dick   said my aunt   attention  

Mr  Dick recovered himself  with a blush 

 Now  sir   said my aunt to Mr  Micawber  as she put on her gloves 
 we are ready for Mount Vesuvius  or anything else  as soon as YOU
please  

 Madam   returned Mr  Micawber   I trust you will shortly witness
an eruption   Mr  Traddles  I have your permission  I believe  to
mention here that we have been in communication together  

 It is undoubtedly the fact  Copperfield   said Traddles  to whom
I looked in surprise    Mr  Micawber has consulted me in reference
to what he has in contemplation  and I have advised him to the best
of my judgement  

 Unless I deceive myself  Mr  Traddles   pursued Mr  Micawber 
 what I contemplate is a disclosure of an important nature  

 Highly so   said Traddles 

 Perhaps  under such circumstances  madam and gentlemen   said Mr 
Micawber   you will do me the favour to submit yourselves  for the
moment  to the direction of one who  however unworthy to be
regarded in any other light but as a Waif and Stray upon the shore
of human nature  is still your fellow man  though crushed out of
his original form by individual errors  and the accumulative force
of a combination of circumstances  

 We have perfect confidence in you  Mr  Micawber   said I   and
will do what you please  

 Mr  Copperfield   returned Mr  Micawber   your confidence is not 
at the existing juncture  ill bestowed   I would beg to be allowed
a start of five minutes by the clock  and then to receive the
present company  inquiring for Miss Wickfield  at the office of
Wickfield and Heep  whose Stipendiary I am  

My aunt and I looked at Traddles  who nodded his approval 

 I have no more   observed Mr  Micawber   to say at present  

With which  to my infinite surprise  he included us all in a
comprehensive bow  and disappeared  his manner being extremely
distant  and his face extremely pale 

Traddles only smiled  and shook his head  with his hair standing
upright on the top of it   when I looked to him for an explanation 
so I took out my watch  and  as a last resource  counted off the
five minutes   My aunt  with her own watch in her hand  did the
like   When the time was expired  Traddles gave her his arm  and we
all went out together to the old house  without saying one word on
the way 

We found Mr  Micawber at his desk  in the turret office on the
ground floor  either writing  or pretending to write  hard   The
large office ruler was stuck into his waistcoat  and was not so
well concealed but that a foot or more of that instrument protruded
from his bosom  like a new kind of shirt frill 

As it appeared to me that I was expected to speak  I said aloud 

 How do you do  Mr  Micawber  

 Mr  Copperfield   said Mr  Micawber  gravely   I hope I see you
well  

 Is Miss Wickfield at home   said I 

 Mr  Wickfield is unwell in bed  sir  of a rheumatic fever   he
returned   but Miss Wickfield  I have no doubt  will be happy to
see old friends   Will you walk in  sir  

He preceded us to the dining room   the first room I had entered in
that house   and flinging open the door of Mr  Wickfield s former
office  said  in a sonorous voice 

 Miss Trotwood  Mr  David Copperfield  Mr  Thomas Traddles  and Mr 
Dixon  

I had not seen Uriah Heep since the time of the blow   Our visit
astonished him  evidently  not the less  I dare say  because it
astonished ourselves   He did not gather his eyebrows together  for
he had none worth mentioning  but he frowned to that degree that he
almost closed his small eyes  while the hurried raising of his
grisly hand to his chin betrayed some trepidation or surprise 
This was only when we were in the act of entering his room  and
when I caught a glance at him over my aunt s shoulder   A moment
afterwards  he was as fawning and as humble as ever 

 Well  I am sure   he said    This is indeed an unexpected
pleasure  To have  as I may say  all friends round St  Paul s at
once  is a treat unlooked for  Mr  Copperfield  I hope I see you
well  and   if I may umbly express myself so   friendly towards
them as is ever your friends  whether or not   Mrs  Copperfield 
sir  I hope she s getting on   We have been made quite uneasy by
the poor accounts we have had of her state  lately  I do assure
you  

I felt ashamed to let him take my hand  but I did not know yet what
else to do 

 Things are changed in this office  Miss Trotwood  since I was an
umble clerk  and held your pony  ain t they   said Uriah  with his
sickliest smile    But I am not changed  Miss Trotwood  

 Well  sir   returned my aunt   to tell you the truth  I think you
are pretty constant to the promise of your youth  if that s any
satisfaction to you  

 Thank you  Miss Trotwood   said Uriah  writhing in his ungainly
manner   for your good opinion  Micawber  tell  em to let Miss
Agnes know   and mother   Mother will be quite in a state  when she
sees the present company   said Uriah  setting chairs 

 You are not busy  Mr  Heep   said Traddles  whose eye the cunning
red eye accidentally caught  as it at once scrutinized and evaded
us 

 No  Mr  Traddles   replied Uriah  resuming his official seat  and
squeezing his bony hands  laid palm to palm between his bony knees 
 Not so much so as I could wish   But lawyers  sharks  and leeches 
are not easily satisfied  you know  Not but what myself and
Micawber have our hands pretty full  in general  on account of Mr 
Wickfield s being hardly fit for any occupation  sir   But it s a
pleasure as well as a duty  I am sure  to work for him   You ve not
been intimate with Mr  Wickfield  I think  Mr  Traddles   I believe
I ve only had the honour of seeing you once myself  

 No  I have not been intimate with Mr  Wickfield   returned
Traddles   or I might perhaps have waited on you long ago  Mr 
Heep  

There was something in the tone of this reply  which made Uriah
look at the speaker again  with a very sinister and suspicious
expression   But  seeing only Traddles  with his good natured face 
simple manner  and hair on end  he dismissed it as he replied  with
a jerk of his whole body  but especially his throat 

 I am sorry for that  Mr  Traddles   You would have admired him as
much as we all do   His little failings would only have endeared
him to you the more   But if you would like to hear my
fellow partner eloquently spoken of  I should refer you to
Copperfield   The family is a subject he s very strong upon  if you
never heard him  

I was prevented from disclaiming the compliment  if I should have
done so  in any case   by the entrance of Agnes  now ushered in by
Mr  Micawber   She was not quite so self possessed as usual  I
thought  and had evidently undergone anxiety and fatigue   But her
earnest cordiality  and her quiet beauty  shone with the gentler
lustre for it 

I saw Uriah watch her while she greeted us  and he reminded me of
an ugly and rebellious genie watching a good spirit   In the
meanwhile  some slight sign passed between Mr  Micawber and
Traddles  and Traddles  unobserved except by me  went out 

 Don t wait  Micawber   said Uriah 

Mr  Micawber  with his hand upon the ruler in his breast  stood
erect before the door  most unmistakably contemplating one of his
fellow men  and that man his employer 

 What are you waiting for   said Uriah    Micawber  did you hear me
tell you not to wait  

 Yes   replied the immovable Mr  Micawber 

 Then why DO you wait   said Uriah 

 Because I   in short  choose   replied Mr  Micawber  with a burst 

Uriah s cheeks lost colour  and an unwholesome paleness  still
faintly tinged by his pervading red  overspread them   He looked at
Mr  Micawber attentively  with his whole face breathing short and
quick in every feature 

 You are a dissipated fellow  as all the world knows   he said 
with an effort at a smile   and I am afraid you ll oblige me to get
rid of you   Go along  I ll talk to you presently  

 If there is a scoundrel on this earth   said Mr  Micawber 
suddenly breaking out again with the utmost vehemence   with whom
I have already talked too much  that scoundrel s name is   HEEP  

Uriah fell back  as if he had been struck or stung   Looking slowly
round upon us with the darkest and wickedest expression that his
face could wear  he said  in a lower voice 

 Oho  This is a conspiracy  You have met here by appointment  You
are playing Booty with my clerk  are you  Copperfield   Now  take
care   You ll make nothing of this   We understand each other  you
and me   There s no love between us   You were always a puppy with
a proud stomach  from your first coming here  and you envy me my
rise  do you   None of your plots against me  I ll counterplot you 
Micawber  you be off   I ll talk to you presently  

 Mr  Micawber   said I   there is a sudden change in this fellow 
in more respects than the extraordinary one of his speaking the
truth in one particular  which assures me that he is brought to
bay   Deal with him as he deserves  

 You are a precious set of people  ain t you   said Uriah  in the
same low voice  and breaking out into a clammy heat  which he wiped
from his forehead  with his long lean hand   to buy over my clerk 
who is the very scum of society    as you yourself were 
Copperfield  you know it  before anyone had charity on you    to
defame me with his lies   Miss Trotwood  you had better stop this 
or I ll stop your husband shorter than will be pleasant to you   I
won t know your story professionally  for nothing  old lady  Miss
Wickfield  if you have any love for your father  you had better not
join that gang   I ll ruin him  if you do   Now  come  I have got
some of you under the harrow   Think twice  before it goes over
you   Think twice  you  Micawber  if you don t want to be crushed 
I recommend you to take yourself off  and be talked to presently 
you fool  while there s time to retreat   Where s mother   he said 
suddenly appearing to notice  with alarm  the absence of Traddles 
and pulling down the bell rope    Fine doings in a person s own
house  

 Mrs  Heep is here  sir   said Traddles  returning with that worthy
mother of a worthy son    I have taken the liberty of making myself
known to her  

 Who are you to make yourself known   retorted Uriah    And what do
you want here  

 I am the agent and friend of Mr  Wickfield  sir   said Traddles 
in a composed and business like way    And I have a power of
attorney from him in my pocket  to act for him in all matters  

 The old ass has drunk himself into a state of dotage   said Uriah 
turning uglier than before   and it has been got from him by
fraud  

 Something has been got from him by fraud  I know   returned
Traddles quietly   and so do you  Mr  Heep   We will refer that
question  if you please  to Mr  Micawber  

 Ury     Mrs  Heep began  with an anxious gesture 

 YOU hold your tongue  mother   he returned   least said  soonest
mended  

 But  my Ury   

 Will you hold your tongue  mother  and leave it to me  

Though I had long known that his servility was false  and all his
pretences knavish and hollow  I had had no adequate conception of
the extent of his hypocrisy  until I now saw him with his mask off 
The suddenness with which he dropped it  when he perceived that it
was useless to him  the malice  insolence  and hatred  he revealed 
the leer with which he exulted  even at this moment  in the evil he
had done   all this time being desperate too  and at his wits  end
for the means of getting the better of us   though perfectly
consistent with the experience I had of him  at first took even me
by surprise  who had known him so long  and disliked him so
heartily 

I say nothing of the look he conferred on me  as he stood eyeing
us  one after another  for I had always understood that he hated
me  and I remembered the marks of my hand upon his cheek   But when
his eyes passed on to Agnes  and I saw the rage with which he felt
his power over her slipping away  and the exhibition  in their
disappointment  of the odious passions that had led him to aspire
to one whose virtues he could never appreciate or care for  I was
shocked by the mere thought of her having lived  an hour  within
sight of such a man 

After some rubbing of the lower part of his face  and some looking
at us with those bad eyes  over his grisly fingers  he made one
more address to me  half whining  and half abusive 

 You think it justifiable  do you  Copperfield  you who pride
yourself so much on your honour and all the rest of it  to sneak
about my place  eaves dropping with my clerk   If it had been ME 
I shouldn t have wondered  for I don t make myself out a gentleman
 though I never was in the streets either  as you were  according
to Micawber   but being you    And you re not afraid of doing this 
either   You don t think at all of what I shall do  in return  or
of getting yourself into trouble for conspiracy and so forth   Very
well   We shall see  Mr  What s your name  you were going to refer
some question to Micawber   There s your referee   Why don t you
make him speak   He has learnt his lesson  I see  

Seeing that what he said had no effect on me or any of us  he sat
on the edge of his table with his hands in his pockets  and one of
his splay feet twisted round the other leg  waiting doggedly for
what might follow 

Mr  Micawber  whose impetuosity I had restrained thus far with the
greatest difficulty  and who had repeatedly interposed with the
first syllable Of SCOUN drel  without getting to the second  now
burst forward  drew the ruler from his breast  apparently as a
defensive weapon   and produced from his pocket a foolscap
document  folded in the form of a large letter   Opening this
packet  with his old flourish  and glancing at the contents  as if
he cherished an artistic admiration of their style of composition 
he began to read as follows 


  Dear Miss Trotwood and gentlemen    

 Bless and save the man   exclaimed my aunt in a low voice    He d
write letters by the ream  if it was a capital offence  

Mr  Micawber  without hearing her  went on 

  In appearing before you to denounce probably the most consummate
Villain that has ever existed    Mr  Micawber  without looking off
the letter  pointed the ruler  like a ghostly truncheon  at Uriah
Heep    I ask no consideration for myself   The victim  from my
cradle  of pecuniary liabilities to which I have been unable to
respond  I have ever been the sport and toy of debasing
circumstances   Ignominy  Want  Despair  and Madness  have 
collectively or separately  been the attendants of my career   

The relish with which Mr  Micawber described himself as a prey to
these dismal calamities  was only to be equalled by the emphasis
with which he read his letter  and the kind of homage he rendered
to it with a roll of his head  when he thought he had hit a
sentence very hard indeed 

  In an accumulation of Ignominy  Want  Despair  and Madness  I
entered the office   or  as our lively neighbour the Gaul would
term it  the Bureau   of the Firm  nominally conducted under the
appellation of Wickfield and   HEEP  but in reality  wielded by  
HEEP alone   HEEP  and only HEEP  is the mainspring of that
machine   HEEP  and only HEEP  is the Forger and the Cheat   

Uriah  more blue than white at these words  made a dart at the
letter  as if to tear it in pieces   Mr  Micawber  with a perfect
miracle of dexterity or luck  caught his advancing knuckles with
the ruler  and disabled his right hand   It dropped at the wrist 
as if it were broken   The blow sounded as if it had fallen on
wood 

 The Devil take you   said Uriah  writhing in a new way with pain 
 I ll be even with you  

 Approach me again  you   you   you HEEP of infamy   gasped Mr 
Micawber   and if your head is human  I ll break it   Come on  come
on  

I think I never saw anything more ridiculous   I was sensible of
it  even at the time   than Mr  Micawber making broad sword guards
with the ruler  and crying   Come on   while Traddles and I pushed
him back into a corner  from which  as often as we got him into it 
he persisted in emerging again 

His enemy  muttering to himself  after wringing his wounded hand
for sometime  slowly drew off his neck kerchief and bound it up 
then held it in his other hand  and sat upon his table with his
sullen face looking down 

Mr  Micawber  when he was sufficiently cool  proceeded with his
letter 

  The stipendiary emoluments in consideration of which I entered
into the service of   HEEP    always pausing before that word and
uttering it with astonishing vigour    were not defined  beyond the
pittance of twenty two shillings and six per week   The rest was
left contingent on the value of my professional exertions  in other
and more expressive words  on the baseness of my nature  the
cupidity of my motives  the poverty of my family  the general moral
 or rather immoral  resemblance between myself and   HEEP   Need I
say  that it soon became necessary for me to solicit from   HEEP  
pecuniary advances towards the support of Mrs  Micawber  and our
blighted but rising family   Need I say that this necessity had
been foreseen by   HEEP   That those advances were secured by
I O U  s and other similar acknowledgements  known to the legal
institutions of this country   And that I thus became immeshed in
the web he had spun for my reception   

Mr  Micawber s enjoyment of his epistolary powers  in describing
this unfortunate state of things  really seemed to outweigh any
pain or anxiety that the reality could have caused him   He read
on 

  Then it was that   HEEP   began to favour me with just so much of
his confidence  as was necessary to the discharge of his infernal
business   Then it was that I began  if I may so Shakespearianly
express myself  to dwindle  peak  and pine   I found that my
services were constantly called into requisition for the
falsification of business  and the mystification of an individual
whom I will designate as Mr  W   That Mr  W  was imposed upon  kept
in ignorance  and deluded  in every possible way  yet  that all
this while  the ruffian   HEEP   was professing unbounded gratitude
to  and unbounded friendship for  that much abused gentleman   This
was bad enough  but  as the philosophic Dane observes  with that
universal applicability which distinguishes the illustrious
ornament of the Elizabethan Era  worse remains behind   

Mr  Micawber was so very much struck by this happy rounding off
with a quotation  that he indulged himself  and us  with a second
reading of the sentence  under pretence of having lost his place 

  It is not my intention    he continued reading on    to enter on
a detailed list  within the compass of the present epistle  though
it is ready elsewhere   of the various malpractices of a minor
nature  affecting the individual whom I have denominated Mr  W   to
which I have been a tacitly consenting party   My object  when the
contest within myself between stipend and no stipend  baker and no
baker  existence and non existence  ceased  was to take advantage
of my opportunities to discover and expose the major malpractices
committed  to that gentleman s grievous wrong and injury  by  
HEEP   Stimulated by the silent monitor within  and by a no less
touching and appealing monitor without   to whom I will briefly
refer as Miss W    I entered on a not unlaborious task of
clandestine investigation  protracted   now  to the best of my
knowledge  information  and belief  over a period exceeding twelve
calendar months   

He read this passage as if it were from an Act of Parliament  and
appeared majestically refreshed by the sound of the words 

  My charges against   HEEP    he read on  glancing at him  and
drawing the ruler into a convenient position under his left arm  in
case of need    are as follows   

We all held our breath  I think   I am sure Uriah held his 

  First    said Mr  Micawber    When Mr  W  s faculties and memory
for business became  through causes into which it is not necessary
or expedient for me to enter  weakened and confused    HEEP  
designedly perplexed and complicated the whole of the official
transactions   When Mr  W  was least fit to enter on business   
HEEP was always at hand to force him to enter on it   He obtained
Mr  W  s signature under such circumstances to documents of
importance  representing them to be other documents of no
importance   He induced Mr  W  to empower him to draw out  thus 
one particular sum of trust money  amounting to twelve six
fourteen  two and nine  and employed it to meet pretended business
charges and deficiencies which were either already provided for  or
had never really existed   He gave this proceeding  throughout  the
appearance of having originated in Mr  W  s own dishonest
intention  and of having been accomplished by Mr  W  s own
dishonest act  and has used it  ever since  to torture and
constrain him   

 You shall prove this  you Copperfield   said Uriah  with a
threatening shake of the head    All in good time  

 Ask   HEEP   Mr  Traddles  who lived in his house after him   said
Mr  Micawber  breaking off from the letter   will you  

 The fool himself  and lives there now   said Uriah  disdainfully 

 Ask   HEEP   if he ever kept a pocket book in that house   said
Mr  Micawber   will you  

I saw Uriah s lank hand stop  involuntarily  in the scraping of his
chin 

 Or ask him   said Mr  Micawber  if he ever burnt one there   If he
says yes  and asks you where the ashes are  refer him to Wilkins
Micawber  and he will hear of something not at all to his
advantage  

The triumphant flourish with which Mr  Micawber delivered himself
of these words  had a powerful effect in alarming the mother  who
cried out  in much agitation 

 Ury  Ury  Be umble  and make terms  my dear  

 Mother   he retorted   will you keep quiet   You re in a fright 
and don t know what you say or mean   Umble   he repeated  looking
at me  with a snarl   I ve umbled some of  em for a pretty long
time back  umble as I was  

Mr  Micawber  genteelly adjusting his chin in his cravat  presently
proceeded with his composition 

  Second   HEEP has  on several occasions  to the best of my
knowledge  information  and belief    

 But that won t do   muttered Uriah  relieved    Mother  you keep
quiet  

 We will endeavour to provide something that WILL do  and do for
you finally  sir  very shortly   replied Mr  Micawber 

  Second   HEEP has  on several occasions  to the best of my
knowledge  information  and belief  systematically forged  to
various entries  books  and documents  the signature of Mr  W   and
has distinctly done so in one instance  capable of proof by me   To
wit  in manner following  that is to say   

Again  Mr  Micawber had a relish in this formal piling up of words 
which  however ludicrously displayed in his case  was  I must say 
not at all peculiar to him   I have observed it  in the course of
my life  in numbers of men   It seems to me to be a general rule 
In the taking of legal oaths  for instance  deponents seem to enjoy
themselves mightily when they come to several good words in
succession  for the expression of one idea  as  that they utterly
detest  abominate  and abjure  or so forth  and the old anathemas
were made relishing on the same principle   We talk about the
tyranny of words  but we like to tyrannize over them too  we are
fond of having a large superfluous establishment of words to wait
upon us on great occasions  we think it looks important  and sounds
well   As we are not particular about the meaning of our liveries
on state occasions  if they be but fine and numerous enough  so 
the meaning or necessity of our words is a secondary consideration 
if there be but a great parade of them   And as individuals get
into trouble by making too great a show of liveries  or as slaves
when they are too numerous rise against their masters  so I think
I could mention a nation that has got into many great difficulties 
and will get into many greater  from maintaining too large a
retinue of words 

Mr  Micawber read on  almost smacking his lips 

  To wit  in manner following  that is to say   Mr  W  being
infirm  and it being within the bounds of probability that his
decease might lead to some discoveries  and to the downfall of  
HEEP S   power over the W  family    as I  Wilkins Micawber  the
undersigned  assume   unless the filial affection of his daughter
could be secretly influenced from allowing any investigation of the
partnership affairs to be ever made  the said   HEEP   deemed it
expedient to have a bond ready by him  as from Mr  W   for the
before mentioned sum of twelve six fourteen  two and nine  with
interest  stated therein to have been advanced by   HEEP   to Mr 
W  to save Mr  W  from dishonour  though really the sum was never
advanced by him  and has long been replaced   The signatures to
this instrument purporting to be executed by Mr  W  and attested by
Wilkins Micawber  are forgeries by   HEEP   I have  in my
possession  in his hand and pocket book  several similar imitations
of Mr  W  s signature  here and there defaced by fire  but legible
to anyone   I never attested any such document   And I have the
document itself  in my possession   
Uriah Heep  with a start  took out of his pocket a bunch of keys 
and opened a certain drawer  then  suddenly bethought himself of
what he was about  and turned again towards us  without looking in
it 

  And I have the document    Mr  Micawber read again  looking about
as if it were the text of a sermon    in my possession    that is
to say  I had  early this morning  when this was written  but have
since relinquished it to Mr  Traddles   

 It is quite true   assented Traddles 

 Ury  Ury   cried the mother   be umble and make terms   I know my
son will be umble  gentlemen  if you ll give him time to think 
Mr  Copperfield  I m sure you know that he was always very umble 
sir  

It was singular to see how the mother still held to the old trick 
when the son had abandoned it as useless 

 Mother   he said  with an impatient bite at the handkerchief in
which his hand was wrapped   you had better take and fire a loaded
gun at me  

 But I love you  Ury   cried Mrs  Heep   And I have no doubt she
did  or that he loved her  however strange it may appear  though 
to be sure  they were a congenial couple    And I can t bear to
hear you provoking the gentlemen  and endangering of yourself more 
I told the gentleman at first  when he told me upstairs it was come
to light  that I would answer for your being umble  and making
amends   Oh  see how umble I am  gentlemen  and don t mind him  

 Why  there s Copperfield  mother   he angrily retorted  pointing
his lean finger at me  against whom all his animosity was levelled 
as the prime mover in the discovery  and I did not undeceive him 
 there s Copperfield  would have given you a hundred pound to say
less than you ve blurted out  

 I can t help it  Ury   cried his mother    I can t see you running
into danger  through carrying your head so high   Better be umble 
as you always was  

He remained for a little  biting the handkerchief  and then said to
me with a scowl 

 What more have you got to bring forward   If anything  go on with
it   What do you look at me for  

Mr  Micawber promptly resumed his letter  glad to revert to a
performance with which he was so highly satisfied 

  Third   And last   I am now in a condition to show  by   HEEP S
  false books  and   HEEP S   real memoranda  beginning with the
partially destroyed pocket book  which I was unable to comprehend 
at the time of its accidental discovery by Mrs  Micawber  on our
taking possession of our present abode  in the locker or bin
devoted to the reception of the ashes calcined on our domestic
hearth   that the weaknesses  the faults  the very virtues  the
parental affections  and the sense of honour  of the unhappy Mr  W 
have been for years acted on by  and warped to the base purposes of
  HEEP   That Mr  W  has been for years deluded and plundered  in
every conceivable manner  to the pecuniary aggrandisement of the
avaricious  false  and grasping   HEEP   That the engrossing object
of  HEEP   was  next to gain  to subdue Mr  and Miss W   of his
ulterior views in reference to the latter I say nothing  entirely
to himself   That his last act  completed but a few months since 
was to induce Mr  W  to execute a relinquishment of his share in
the partnership  and even a bill of sale on the very furniture of
his house  in consideration of a certain annuity  to be well and
truly paid by   HEEP   on the four common quarter days in each and
every year   That these meshes  beginning with alarming and
falsified accounts of the estate of which Mr  W  is the receiver 
at a period when Mr  W  had launched into imprudent and ill judged
speculations  and may not have had the money  for which he was
morally and legally responsible  in hand  going on with pretended
borrowings of money at enormous interest  really coming from   HEEP
  and by   HEEP   fraudulently obtained or withheld from Mr  W 
himself  on pretence of such speculations or otherwise  perpetuated
by a miscellaneous catalogue of unscrupulous chicaneries  
gradually thickened  until the unhappy Mr  W  could see no world
beyond   Bankrupt  as he believed  alike in circumstances  in all
other hope  and in honour  his sole reliance was upon the monster
in the garb of man      Mr  Micawber made a good deal of this  as
a new turn of expression      who  by making himself necessary to
him  had achieved his destruction   All this I undertake to show 
Probably much more   

I whispered a few words to Agnes  who was weeping  half joyfully 
half sorrowfully  at my side  and there was a movement among us  as
if Mr  Micawber had finished   He said  with exceeding gravity 
 Pardon me   and proceeded  with a mixture of the lowest spirits
and the most intense enjoyment  to the peroration of his letter 

  I have now concluded   It merely remains for me to substantiate
these accusations  and then  with my ill starred family  to
disappear from the landscape on which we appear to be an
encumbrance   That is soon done   It may be reasonably inferred
that our baby will first expire of inanition  as being the frailest
member of our circle  and that our twins will follow next in order 
So be it  For myself  my Canterbury Pilgrimage has done much 
imprisonment on civil process  and want  will soon do more   I
trust that the labour and hazard of an investigation   of which the
smallest results have been slowly pieced together  in the pressure
of arduous avocations  under grinding penurious apprehensions  at
rise of morn  at dewy eve  in the shadows of night  under the
watchful eye of one whom it were superfluous to call Demon  
combined with the struggle of parental Poverty to turn it  when
completed  to the right account  may be as the sprinkling of a few
drops of sweet water on my funeral pyre   I ask no more   Let it
be  in justice  merely said of me  as of a gallant and eminent
naval Hero  with whom I have no pretensions to cope  that what I
have done  I did  in despite of mercenary and selfish objects 

     For England  home  and Beauty 

       Remaining always   c    c   WILKINS MICAWBER   


Much affected  but still intensely enjoying himself  Mr  Micawber
folded up his letter  and handed it with a bow to my aunt  as
something she might like to keep 

There was  as I had noticed on my first visit long ago  an iron
safe in the room   The key was in it   A hasty suspicion seemed to
strike Uriah  and  with a glance at Mr  Micawber  he went to it 
and threw the doors clanking open   It was empty 

 Where are the books   he cried  with a frightful face    Some
thief has stolen the books  

Mr  Micawber tapped himself with the ruler    I did  when I got the
key from you as usual   but a little earlier   and opened it this
morning  

 Don t be uneasy   said Traddles    They have come into my
possession   I will take care of them  under the authority I
mentioned  

 You receive stolen goods  do you   cried Uriah 

 Under such circumstances   answered Traddles   yes  

What was my astonishment when I beheld my aunt  who had been
profoundly quiet and attentive  make a dart at Uriah Heep  and
seize him by the collar with both hands 

 You know what I want   said my aunt 

 A strait waistcoat   said he 

 No   My property   returned my aunt    Agnes  my dear  as long as
I believed it had been really made away with by your father  I
wouldn t   and  my dear  I didn t  even to Trot  as he knows  
breathe a syllable of its having been placed here for investment 
But  now I know this fellow s answerable for it  and I ll have it 
Trot  come and take it away from him  

Whether my aunt supposed  for the moment  that he kept her property
in his neck kerchief  I am sure I don t know  but she certainly
pulled at it as if she thought so   I hastened to put myself
between them  and to assure her that we would all take care that he
should make the utmost restitution of everything he had wrongly
got   This  and a few moments  reflection  pacified her  but she
was not at all disconcerted by what she had done  though I cannot
say as much for her bonnet  and resumed her seat composedly 

During the last few minutes  Mrs  Heep had been clamouring to her
son to be  umble   and had been going down on her knees to all of
us in succession  and making the wildest promises   Her son sat her
down in his chair  and  standing sulkily by her  holding her arm
with his hand  but not rudely  said to me  with a ferocious look 

 What do you want done  

 I will tell you what must be done   said Traddles 

 Has that Copperfield no tongue   muttered Uriah   I would do a
good deal for you if you could tell me  without lying  that
somebody had cut it out  

 My Uriah means to be umble   cried his mother    Don t mind what
he says  good gentlemen  

 What must be done   said Traddles   is this   First  the deed of
relinquishment  that we have heard of  must be given over to me now
  here  

 Suppose I haven t got it   he interrupted 

 But you have   said Traddles   therefore  you know  we won t
suppose so    And I cannot help avowing that this was the first
occasion on which I really did justice to the clear head  and the
plain  patient  practical good sense  of my old schoolfellow 
 Then   said Traddles   you must prepare to disgorge all that your
rapacity has become possessed of  and to make restoration to the
last farthing   All the partnership books and papers must remain in
our possession  all your books and papers  all money accounts and
securities  of both kinds   In short  everything here  

 Must it   I don t know that   said Uriah    I must have time to
think about that  

 Certainly   replied Traddles   but  in the meanwhile  and until
everything is done to our satisfaction  we shall maintain
possession of these things  and beg you   in short  compel you   to
keep to your own room  and hold no communication with anyone  

 I won t do it   said Uriah  with an oath 

 Maidstone jail is a safer place of detention   observed Traddles 
 and though the law may be longer in righting us  and may not be
able to right us so completely as you can  there is no doubt of its
punishing YOU   Dear me  you know that quite as well as I 
Copperfield  will you go round to the Guildhall  and bring a couple
of officers  

Here  Mrs  Heep broke out again  crying on her knees to Agnes to
interfere in their behalf  exclaiming that he was very humble  and
it was all true  and if he didn t do what we wanted  she would  and
much more to the same purpose  being half frantic with fears for
her darling   To inquire what he might have done  if he had had any
boldness  would be like inquiring what a mongrel cur might do  if
it had the spirit of a tiger   He was a coward  from head to foot 
and showed his dastardly nature through his sullenness and
mortification  as much as at any time of his mean life 

 Stop   he growled to me  and wiped his hot face with his hand 
 Mother  hold your noise   Well  Let  em have that deed   Go and
fetch it  

 Do you help her  Mr  Dick   said Traddles   if you please  

Proud of his commission  and understanding it  Mr  Dick accompanied
her as a shepherd s dog might accompany a sheep   But  Mrs  Heep
gave him little trouble  for she not only returned with the deed 
but with the box in which it was  where we found a banker s book
and some other papers that were afterwards serviceable 

 Good   said Traddles  when this was brought    Now  Mr  Heep  you
can retire to think  particularly observing  if you please  that I
declare to you  on the part of all present  that there is only one
thing to be done  that it is what I have explained  and that it
must be done without delay  

Uriah  without lifting his eyes from the ground  shuffled across
the room with his hand to his chin  and pausing at the door  said 

 Copperfield  I have always hated you   You ve always been an
upstart  and you ve always been against me  

 As I think I told you once before   said I   it is you who have
been  in your greed and cunning  against all the world   It may be
profitable to you to reflect  in future  that there never were
greed and cunning in the world yet  that did not do too much  and
overreach themselves   It is as certain as death  

 Or as certain as they used to teach at school  the same school
where I picked up so much umbleness   from nine o clock to eleven 
that labour was a curse  and from eleven o clock to one  that it
was a blessing and a cheerfulness  and a dignity  and I don t know
what all  eh   said he with a sneer    You preach  about as
consistent as they did   Won t umbleness go down   I shouldn t have
got round my gentleman fellow partner without it  I think    
Micawber  you old bully  I ll pay YOU  

Mr  Micawber  supremely defiant of him and his extended finger  and
making a great deal of his chest until he had slunk out at the
door  then addressed himself to me  and proffered me the
satisfaction of  witnessing the re establishment of mutual
confidence between himself and Mrs  Micawber    After which  he
invited the company generally to the contemplation of that
affecting spectacle 

 The veil that has long been interposed between Mrs  Micawber and
myself  is now withdrawn   said Mr  Micawber   and my children and
the Author of their Being can once more come in contact on equal
terms  

As we were all very grateful to him  and all desirous to show that
we were  as well as the hurry and disorder of our spirits would
permit  I dare say we should all have gone  but that it was
necessary for Agnes to return to her father  as yet unable to bear
more than the dawn of hope  and for someone else to hold Uriah in
safe keeping   So  Traddles remained for the latter purpose  to be
presently relieved by Mr  Dick  and Mr  Dick  my aunt  and I  went
home with Mr  Micawber   As I parted hurriedly from the dear girl
to whom I owed so much  and thought from what she had been saved 
perhaps  that morning   her better resolution notwithstanding   I
felt devoutly thankful for the miseries of my younger days which
had brought me to the knowledge of Mr  Micawber 

His house was not far off  and as the street door opened into the
sitting room  and he bolted in with a precipitation quite his own 
we found ourselves at once in the bosom of the family   Mr 
Micawber exclaiming   Emma  my life   rushed into Mrs  Micawber s
arms   Mrs  Micawber shrieked  and folded Mr  Micawber in her
embrace   Miss Micawber  nursing the unconscious stranger of Mrs 
Micawber s last letter to me  was sensibly affected   The stranger
leaped   The twins testified their joy by several inconvenient but
innocent demonstrations   Master Micawber  whose disposition
appeared to have been soured by early disappointment  and whose
aspect had become morose  yielded to his better feelings  and
blubbered 

 Emma   said Mr  Micawber    The cloud is past from my mind 
Mutual confidence  so long preserved between us once  is restored 
to know no further interruption   Now  welcome poverty   cried Mr 
Micawber  shedding tears    Welcome misery  welcome houselessness 
welcome hunger  rags  tempest  and beggary  Mutual confidence will
sustain us to the end  

With these expressions  Mr  Micawber placed Mrs  Micawber in a
chair  and embraced the family all round  welcoming a variety of
bleak prospects  which appeared  to the best of my judgement  to be
anything but welcome to them  and calling upon them to come out
into Canterbury and sing a chorus  as nothing else was left for
their support 

But Mrs  Micawber having  in the strength of her emotions  fainted
away  the first thing to be done  even before the chorus could be
considered complete  was to recover her   This my aunt and Mr 
Micawber did  and then my aunt was introduced  and Mrs  Micawber
recognized me 

 Excuse me  dear Mr  Copperfield   said the poor lady  giving me
her hand   but I am not strong  and the removal of the late
misunderstanding between Mr  Micawber and myself was at first too
much for me  

 Is this all your family  ma am   said my aunt 

 There are no more at present   returned Mrs  Micawber 

 Good gracious  I didn t mean that  ma am   said my aunt    I mean 
are all these yours  

 Madam   replied Mr  Micawber   it is a true bill  

 And that eldest young gentleman  now   said my aunt  musing   what
has he been brought up to  

 It was my hope when I came here   said Mr  Micawber   to have got
Wilkins into the Church  or perhaps I shall express my meaning more
strictly  if I say the Choir   But there was no vacancy for a tenor
in the venerable Pile for which this city is so justly eminent  and
he has   in short  he has contracted a habit of singing in
public houses  rather than in sacred edifices  

 But he means well   said Mrs  Micawber  tenderly 

 I dare say  my love   rejoined Mr  Micawber   that he means
particularly well  but I have not yet found that he carries out his
meaning  in any given direction whatsoever  

Master Micawber s moroseness of aspect returned upon him again  and
he demanded  with some temper  what he was to do   Whether he had
been born a carpenter  or a coach painter  any more than he had
been born a bird   Whether he could go into the next street  and
open a chemist s shop   Whether he could rush to the next assizes 
and proclaim himself a lawyer   Whether he could come out by force
at the opera  and succeed by violence   Whether he could do
anything  without being brought up to something 

My aunt mused a little while  and then said 

 Mr  Micawber  I wonder you have never turned your thoughts to
emigration  

 Madam   returned Mr  Micawber   it was the dream of my youth  and
the fallacious aspiration of my riper years    I am thoroughly
persuaded  by the by  that he had never thought of it in his life 

 Aye   said my aunt  with a glance at me    Why  what a thing it
would be for yourselves and your family  Mr  and Mrs  Micawber  if
you were to emigrate now  

 Capital  madam  capital   urged Mr  Micawber  gloomily 

 That is the principal  I may say the only difficulty  my dear Mr 
Copperfield   assented his wife 

 Capital   cried my aunt    But you are doing us a great service  
have done us a great service  I may say  for surely much will come
out of the fire   and what could we do for you  that would be half
so good as to find the capital  

 I could not receive it as a gift   said Mr  Micawber  full of fire
and animation   but if a sufficient sum could be advanced  say at
five per cent interest  per annum  upon my personal liability   say
my notes of hand  at twelve  eighteen  and twenty four months 
respectively  to allow time for something to turn up   

 Could be   Can be and shall be  on your own terms   returned my
aunt   if you say the word   Think of this now  both of you   Here
are some people David knows  going out to Australia shortly   If
you decide to go  why shouldn t you go in the same ship   You may
help each other   Think of this now  Mr  and Mrs  Micawber   Take
your time  and weigh it well  

 There is but one question  my dear ma am  I could wish to ask  
said Mrs  Micawber    The climate  I believe  is healthy  

 Finest in the world   said my aunt 

 Just so   returned Mrs  Micawber    Then my question arises   Now 
are the circumstances of the country such  that a man of Mr 
Micawber s abilities would have a fair chance of rising in the
social scale   I will not say  at present  might he aspire to be
Governor  or anything of that sort  but would there be a reasonable
opening for his talents to develop themselves   that would be amply
sufficient   and find their own expansion  

 No better opening anywhere   said my aunt   for a man who conducts
himself well  and is industrious  

 For a man who conducts himself well   repeated Mrs  Micawber  with
her clearest business manner   and is industrious   Precisely   It
is evident to me that Australia is the legitimate sphere of action
for Mr  Micawber  

 I entertain the conviction  my dear madam   said Mr  Micawber 
 that it is  under existing circumstances  the land  the only land 
for myself and family  and that something of an extraordinary
nature will turn up on that shore   It is no distance  
comparatively speaking  and though consideration is due to the
kindness of your proposal  I assure you that is a mere matter of
form  

Shall I ever forget how  in a moment  he was the most sanguine of
men  looking on to fortune  or how Mrs  Micawber presently
discoursed about the habits of the kangaroo  Shall I ever recall
that street of Canterbury on a market day  without recalling him 
as he walked back with us  expressing  in the hardy roving manner
he assumed  the unsettled habits of a temporary sojourner in the
land  and looking at the bullocks  as they came by  with the eye of
an Australian farmer 



CHAPTER   
ANOTHER RETROSPECT


I must pause yet once again   O  my child wife  there is a figure
in the moving crowd before my memory  quiet and still  saying in
its innocent love and childish beauty  Stop to think of me   turn
to look upon the Little Blossom  as it flutters to the ground 

I do   All else grows dim  and fades away   I am again with Dora 
in our cottage   I do not know how long she has been ill   I am so
used to it in feeling  that I cannot count the time   It is not
really long  in weeks or months  but  in my usage and experience 
it is a weary  weary while 

They have left off telling me to  wait a few days more    I have
begun to fear  remotely  that the day may never shine  when I shall
see my child wife running in the sunlight with her old friend Jip 

He is  as it were suddenly  grown very old   It may be that he
misses in his mistress  something that enlivened him and made him
younger  but he mopes  and his sight is weak  and his limbs are
feeble  and my aunt is sorry that he objects to her no more  but
creeps near her as he lies on Dora s bed   she sitting at the
bedside   and mildly licks her hand 

Dora lies smiling on us  and is beautiful  and utters no hasty or
complaining word   She says that we are very good to her  that her
dear old careful boy is tiring himself out  she knows  that my aunt
has no sleep  yet is always wakeful  active  and kind   Sometimes 
the little bird like ladies come to see her  and then we talk about
our wedding day  and all that happy time 

What a strange rest and pause in my life there seems to be   and in
all life  within doors and without   when I sit in the quiet 
shaded  orderly room  with the blue eyes of my child wife turned
towards me  and her little fingers twining round my hand  Many and
many an hour I sit thus  but  of all those times  three times come
the freshest on my mind 


It is morning  and Dora  made so trim by my aunt s hands  shows me
how her pretty hair will curl upon the pillow yet  an how long and
bright it is  and how she likes to have it loosely gathered in that
net she wears 

 Not that I am vain of it  now  you mocking boy   she says  when I
smile   but because you used to say you thought it so beautiful 
and because  when I first began to think about you  I used to peep
in the glass  and wonder whether you would like very much to have
a lock of it   Oh what a foolish fellow you were  Doady  when I
gave you one  

 That was on the day when you were painting the flowers I had given
you  Dora  and when I told you how much in love I was  

 Ah  but I didn t like to tell you   says Dora   then  how I had
cried over them  because I believed you really liked me  When I can
run about again as I used to do  Doady  let us go and see those
places where we were such a silly couple  shall we   And take some
of the old walks   And not forget poor papa  

 Yes  we will  and have some happy days   So you must make haste to
get well  my dear  

 Oh  I shall soon do that  I am so much better  you don t know  


It is evening  and I sit in the same chair  by the same bed  with
the same face turned towards me   We have been silent  and there is
a smile upon her face   I have ceased to carry my light burden up
and down stairs now   She lies here all the day 

 Doady  

 My dear Dora  

 You won t think what I am going to say  unreasonable  after what
you told me  such a little while ago  of Mr  Wickfield s not being
well   I want to see Agnes   Very much I want to see her  

 I will write to her  my dear  

 Will you  

 Directly  

 What a good  kind boy  Doady  take me on your arm   Indeed  my
dear  it s not a whim   It s not a foolish fancy   I want  very
much indeed  to see her  

 I am certain of it   I have only to tell her so  and she is sure
to come  

 You are very lonely when you go downstairs  now   Dora whispers 
with her arm about my neck 

 How can I be otherwise  my own love  when I see your empty chair  

 My empty chair   She clings to me for a little while  in silence 
 And you really miss me  Doady   looking up  and brightly smiling 
 Even poor  giddy  stupid me  

 My heart  who is there upon earth that I could miss so much  

 Oh  husband  I am so glad  yet so sorry   creeping closer to me 
and folding me in both her arms   She laughs and sobs  and then is
quiet  and quite happy 

 Quite   she says    Only give Agnes my dear love  and tell her
that I want very  very  much to see her  and I have nothing left to
wish for  

 Except to get well again  Dora  

 Ah  Doady  Sometimes I think   you know I always was a silly
little thing    that that will never be  

 Don t say so  Dora  Dearest love  don t think so  

 I won t  if I can help it  Doady   But I am very happy  though my
dear boy is so lonely by himself  before his child wife s empty
chair  


It is night  and I am with her still   Agnes has arrived  has been
among us for a whole day and an evening   She  my aunt  and I  have
sat with Dora since the morning  all together   We have not talked
much  but Dora has been perfectly contented and cheerful   We are
now alone 

Do I know  now  that my child wife will soon leave me   They have
told me so  they have told me nothing new to my thoughts  but I am
far from sure that I have taken that truth to heart   I cannot
master it   I have withdrawn by myself  many times today  to weep 
I have remembered Who wept for a parting between the living and the
dead   I have bethought me of all that gracious and compassionate
history   I have tried to resign myself  and to console myself  and
that  I hope  I may have done imperfectly  but what I cannot firmly
settle in my mind is  that the end will absolutely come   I hold
her hand in mine  I hold her heart in mine  I see her love for me 
alive in all its strength   I cannot shut out a pale lingering
shadow of belief that she will be spared 

 I am going to speak to you  Doady   I am going to say something I
have often thought of saying  lately   You won t mind   with a
gentle look 

 Mind  my darling  

 Because I don t know what you will think  or what you may have
thought sometimes   Perhaps you have often thought the same 
Doady  dear  I am afraid I was too young  

I lay my face upon the pillow by her  and she looks into my eyes 
and speaks very softly   Gradually  as she goes on  I feel  with a
stricken heart  that she is speaking of herself as past 

 I am afraid  dear  I was too young   I don t mean in years only 
but in experience  and thoughts  and everything   I was such a
silly little creature  I am afraid it would have been better  if we
had only loved each other as a boy and girl  and forgotten it   I
have begun to think I was not fit to be a wife  

I try to stay my tears  and to reply   Oh  Dora  love  as fit as I
to be a husband  

 I don t know   with the old shake of her curls    Perhaps  But if
I had been more fit to be married I might have made you more so 
too   Besides  you are very clever  and I never was  

 We have been very happy  my sweet Dora  

 I was very happy  very   But  as years went on  my dear boy would
have wearied of his child wife   She would have been less and less
a companion for him   He would have been more and more sensible of
what was wanting in his home   She wouldn t have improved   It is
better as it is  

 Oh  Dora  dearest  dearest  do not speak to me so   Every word
seems a reproach  

 No  not a syllable   she answers  kissing me    Oh  my dear  you
never deserved it  and I loved you far too well to say a
reproachful word to you  in earnest   it was all the merit I had 
except being pretty   or you thought me so   Is it lonely  down 
stairs  Doady  

 Very  Very  

 Don t cry  Is my chair there  

 In its old place  

 Oh  how my poor boy cries  Hush  hush  Now  make me one promise 
I want to speak to Agnes   When you go downstairs  tell Agnes so 
and send her up to me  and while I speak to her  let no one come  
not even aunt   I want to speak to Agnes by herself   I want to
speak to Agnes  quite alone  

I promise that she shall  immediately  but I cannot leave her  for
my grief 

 I said that it was better as it is   she whispers  as she holds me
in her arms    Oh  Doady  after more years  you never could have
loved your child wife better than you do  and  after more years 
she would so have tried and disappointed you  that you might not
have been able to love her half so well  I know I was too young and
foolish   It is much better as it is  

Agnes is downstairs  when I go into the parlour  and I give her the
message   She disappears  leaving me alone with Jip 

His Chinese house is by the fire  and he lies within it  on his bed
of flannel  querulously trying to sleep   The bright moon is high
and clear   As I look out on the night  my tears fall fast  and my
undisciplined heart is chastened heavily   heavily 

I sit down by the fire  thinking with a blind remorse of all those
secret feelings I have nourished since my marriage   I think of
every little trifle between me and Dora  and feel the truth  that
trifles make the sum of life   Ever rising from the sea of my
remembrance  is the image of the dear child as I knew her first 
graced by my young love  and by her own  with every fascination
wherein such love is rich   Would it  indeed  have been better if
we had loved each other as a boy and a girl  and forgotten it 
Undisciplined heart  reply 

How the time wears  I know not  until I am recalled by my
child wife s old companion   More restless than he was  he crawls
out of his house  and looks at me  and wanders to the door  and
whines to go upstairs 

 Not tonight  Jip  Not tonight  

He comes very slowly back to me  licks my hand  and lifts his dim
eyes to my face 

 Oh  Jip  It may be  never again  

He lies down at my feet  stretches himself out as if to sleep  and
with a plaintive cry  is dead 

 Oh  Agnes  Look  look  here  

  That face  so full of pity  and of grief  that rain of tears 
that awful mute appeal to me  that solemn hand upraised towards
Heaven 

 Agnes  

It is over   Darkness comes before my eyes  and  for a time  all
things are blotted out of my remembrance 



CHAPTER   
Mr  MICAWBER S TRANSACTIONS


This is not the time at which I am to enter on the state of my mind
beneath its load of sorrow   I came to think that the Future was
walled up before me  that the energy and action of my life were at
an end  that I never could find any refuge but in the grave   I
came to think so  I say  but not in the first shock of my grief 
It slowly grew to that   If the events I go on to relate  had not
thickened around me  in the beginning to confuse  and in the end to
augment  my affliction  it is possible  though I think not
probable   that I might have fallen at once into this condition 
As it was  an interval occurred before I fully knew my own
distress  an interval  in which I even supposed that its sharpest
pangs were past  and when my mind could soothe itself by resting on
all that was most innocent and beautiful  in the tender story that
was closed for ever 

When it was first proposed that I should go abroad  or how it came
to be agreed among us that I was to seek the restoration of my
peace in change and travel  I do not  even now  distinctly know 
The spirit of Agnes so pervaded all we thought  and said  and did 
in that time of sorrow  that I assume I may refer the project to
her influence   But her influence was so quiet that I know no more 

And now  indeed  I began to think that in my old association of her
with the stained glass window in the church  a prophetic
foreshadowing of what she would be to me  in the calamity that was
to happen in the fullness of time  had found a way into my mind 
In all that sorrow  from the moment  never to be forgotten  when
she stood before me with her upraised hand  she was like a sacred
presence in my lonely house   When the Angel of Death alighted
there  my child wife fell asleep   they told me so when I could
bear to hear it   on her bosom  with a smile   From my swoon  I
first awoke to a consciousness of her compassionate tears  her
words of hope and peace  her gentle face bending down as from a
purer region nearer Heaven  over my undisciplined heart  and
softening its pain 

Let me go on 

I was to go abroad   That seemed to have been determined among us
from the first   The ground now covering all that could perish of
my departed wife  I waited only for what Mr  Micawber called the
 final pulverization of Heep   and for the departure of the
emigrants 

At the request of Traddles  most affectionate and devoted of
friends in my trouble  we returned to Canterbury  I mean my aunt 
Agnes  and I   We proceeded by appointment straight to Mr 
Micawber s house  where  and at Mr  Wickfield s  my friend had been
labouring ever since our explosive meeting   When poor Mrs 
Micawber saw me come in  in my black clothes  she was sensibly
affected   There was a great deal of good in Mrs  Micawber s heart 
which had not been dunned out of it in all those many years 

 Well  Mr  and Mrs  Micawber   was my aunt s first salutation after
we were seated    Pray  have you thought about that emigration
proposal of mine  

 My dear madam   returned Mr  Micawber   perhaps I cannot better
express the conclusion at which Mrs  Micawber  your humble servant 
and I may add our children  have jointly and severally arrived 
than by borrowing the language of an illustrious poet  to reply
that our Boat is on the shore  and our Bark is on the sea  

 That s right   said my aunt    I augur all sort of good from your
sensible decision  

 Madam  you do us a great deal of honour   he rejoined   He then
referred to a memorandum    With respect to the pecuniary
assistance enabling us to launch our frail canoe on the ocean of
enterprise  I have reconsidered that important business point  and
would beg to propose my notes of hand   drawn  it is needless to
stipulate  on stamps of the amounts respectively required by the
various Acts of Parliament applying to such securities   at
eighteen  twenty four  and thirty months   The proposition I
originally submitted  was twelve  eighteen  and twenty four  but I
am apprehensive that such an arrangement might not allow sufficient
time for the requisite amount of   Something   to turn up   We
might not   said Mr  Micawber  looking round the room as if it
represented several hundred acres of highly cultivated land   on
the first responsibility becoming due  have been successful in our
harvest  or we might not have got our harvest in   Labour  I
believe  is sometimes difficult to obtain in that portion of our
colonial possessions where it will be our lot to combat with the
teeming soil  

 Arrange it in any way you please  sir   said my aunt 

 Madam   he replied   Mrs  Micawber and myself are deeply sensible
of the very considerate kindness of our friends and patrons   What
I wish is  to be perfectly business like  and perfectly punctual 
Turning over  as we are about to turn over  an entirely new leaf 
and falling back  as we are now in the act of falling back  for a
Spring of no common magnitude  it is important to my sense of
self respect  besides being an example to my son  that these
arrangements should be concluded as between man and man  

I don t know that Mr  Micawber attached any meaning to this last
phrase  I don t know that anybody ever does  or did  but he
appeared to relish it uncommonly  and repeated  with an impressive
cough   as between man and man  

 I propose   said Mr  Micawber   Bills   a convenience to the
mercantile world  for which  I believe  we are originally indebted
to the Jews  who appear to me to have had a devilish deal too much
to do with them ever since   because they are negotiable   But if
a Bond  or any other description of security  would be preferred 
I should be happy to execute any such instrument   As between man
and man  

MY aunt observed  that in a case where both parties were willing to
agree to anything  she took it for granted there would be no
difficulty in settling this point   Mr  Micawber was of her
opinion 

 In reference to our domestic preparations  madam   said Mr 
Micawber  with some pride   for meeting the destiny to which we are
now understood to be self devoted  I beg to report them   My eldest
daughter attends at five every morning in a neighbouring
establishment  to acquire the process   if process it may be called
  of milking cows   My younger children are instructed to observe 
as closely as circumstances will permit  the habits of the pigs and
poultry maintained in the poorer parts of this city  a pursuit from
which they have  on two occasions  been brought home  within an
inch of being run over   I have myself directed some attention 
during the past week  to the art of baking  and my son Wilkins has
issued forth with a walking stick and driven cattle  when
permitted  by the rugged hirelings who had them in charge  to
render any voluntary service in that direction   which I regret to
say  for the credit of our nature  was not often  he being
generally warned  with imprecations  to desist  

 All very right indeed   said my aunt  encouragingly    Mrs 
Micawber has been busy  too  I have no doubt  

 My dear madam   returned Mrs  Micawber  with her business like
air    I am free to confess that I have not been actively engaged
in pursuits immediately connected with cultivation or with stock 
though well aware that both will claim my attention on a foreign
shore   Such opportunities as I have been enabled to alienate from
my domestic duties  I have devoted to corresponding at some length
with my family   For I own it seems to me  my dear Mr 
Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber  who always fell back on me  I
suppose from old habit  to whomsoever else she might address her
discourse at starting   that the time is come when the past should
be buried in oblivion  when my family should take Mr  Micawber by
the hand  and Mr  Micawber should take my family by the hand  when
the lion should lie down with the lamb  and my family be on terms
with Mr  Micawber  

I said I thought so too 

 This  at least  is the light  my dear Mr  Copperfield   pursued
Mrs  Micawber   in which I view the subject   When I lived at home
with my papa and mama  my papa was accustomed to ask  when any
point was under discussion in our limited circle   In what light
does my Emma view the subject   That my papa was too partial  I
know  still  on such a point as the frigid coldness which has ever
subsisted between Mr  Micawber and my family  I necessarily have
formed an opinion  delusive though it may be  

 No doubt   Of course you have  ma am   said my aunt 

 Precisely so   assented Mrs  Micawber    Now  I may be wrong in my
conclusions  it is very likely that I am  but my individual
impression is  that the gulf between my family and Mr  Micawber may
be traced to an apprehension  on the part of my family  that Mr 
Micawber would require pecuniary accommodation   I cannot help
thinking   said Mrs  Micawber  with an air of deep sagacity   that
there are members of my family who have been apprehensive that Mr 
Micawber would solicit them for their names     I do not mean to be
conferred in Baptism upon our children  but to be inscribed on
Bills of Exchange  and negotiated in the Money Market  

The look of penetration with which Mrs  Micawber announced this
discovery  as if no one had ever thought of it before  seemed
rather to astonish my aunt  who abruptly replied   Well  ma am 
upon the whole  I shouldn t wonder if you were right  

 Mr  Micawber being now on the eve of casting off the pecuniary
shackles that have so long enthralled him   said Mrs  Micawber 
 and of commencing a new career in a country where there is
sufficient range for his abilities    which  in my opinion  is
exceedingly important  Mr  Micawber s abilities peculiarly
requiring space    it seems to me that my family should signalize
the occasion by coming forward   What I could wish to see  would be
a meeting between Mr  Micawber and my family at a festive
entertainment  to be given at my family s expense  where Mr 
Micawber s health and prosperity being proposed  by some leading
member of my family  Mr  Micawber might have an opportunity of
developing his views  

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber  with some heat   it may be better for
me to state distinctly  at once  that if I were to develop my views
to that assembled group  they would possibly be found of an
offensive nature  my impression being that your family are  in the
aggregate  impertinent Snobs  and  in detail  unmitigated
Ruffians  

 Micawber   said Mrs  Micawber  shaking her head   no  You have
never understood them  and they have never understood you  

Mr  Micawber coughed 

 They have never understood you  Micawber   said his wife    They
may be incapable of it   If so  that is their misfortune   I can
pity their misfortune  

 I am extremely sorry  my dear Emma   said Mr  Micawber  relenting 
 to have been betrayed into any expressions that might  even
remotely  have the appearance of being strong expressions   All I
would say is  that I can go abroad without your family coming
forward to favour me    in short  with a parting Shove of their
cold shoulders  and that  upon the whole  I would rather leave
England with such impetus as I possess  than derive any
acceleration of it from that quarter   At the same time  my dear 
if they should condescend to reply to your communications   which
our joint experience renders most improbable   far be it from me to
be a barrier to your wishes  

The matter being thus amicably settled  Mr  Micawber gave Mrs 
Micawber his arm  and glancing at the heap of books and papers
lying before Traddles on the table  said they would leave us to
ourselves  which they ceremoniously did 

 My dear Copperfield   said Traddles  leaning back in his chair
when they were gone  and looking at me with an affection that made
his eyes red  and his hair all kinds of shapes   I don t make any
excuse for troubling you with business  because I know you are
deeply interested in it  and it may divert your thoughts   My dear
boy  I hope you are not worn out  

 I am quite myself   said I  after a pause    We have more cause to
think of my aunt than of anyone   You know how much she has done  

 Surely  surely   answered Traddles    Who can forget it  

 But even that is not all   said I    During the last fortnight 
some new trouble has vexed her  and she has been in and out of
London every day   Several times she has gone out early  and been
absent until evening   Last night  Traddles  with this journey
before her  it was almost midnight before she came home   You know
what her consideration for others is   She will not tell me what
has happened to distress her  

My aunt  very pale  and with deep lines in her face  sat immovable
until I had finished  when some stray tears found their way to her
cheeks  and she put her hand on mine 

 It s nothing  Trot  it s nothing   There will be no more of it 
You shall know by and by   Now Agnes  my dear  let us attend to
these affairs  

 I must do Mr  Micawber the justice to say   Traddles began   that
although he would appear not to have worked to any good account for
himself  he is a most untiring man when he works for other people 
I never saw such a fellow   If he always goes on in the same way 
he must be  virtually  about two hundred years old  at present 
The heat into which he has been continually putting himself  and
the distracted and impetuous manner in which he has been diving 
day and night  among papers and books  to say nothing of the
immense number of letters he has written me between this house and
Mr  Wickfield s  and often across the table when he has been
sitting opposite  and might much more easily have spoken  is quite
extraordinary  

 Letters   cried my aunt    I believe he dreams in letters  

 There s Mr  Dick  too   said Traddles   has been doing wonders  As
soon as he was released from overlooking Uriah Heep  whom he kept
in such charge as I never saw exceeded  he began to devote himself
to Mr  Wickfield   And really his anxiety to be of use in the
investigations we have been making  and his real usefulness in
extracting  and copying  and fetching  and carrying  have been
quite stimulating to us  

 Dick is a very remarkable man   exclaimed my aunt   and I always
said he was   Trot  you know it  

 I am happy to say  Miss Wickfield   pursued Traddles  at once with
great delicacy and with great earnestness   that in your absence
Mr  Wickfield has considerably improved   Relieved of the incubus
that had fastened upon him for so long a time  and of the dreadful
apprehensions under which he had lived  he is hardly the same
person   At times  even his impaired power of concentrating his
memory and attention on particular points of business  has
recovered itself very much  and he has been able to assist us in
making some things clear  that we should have found very difficult
indeed  if not hopeless  without him   But what I have to do is to
come to results  which are short enough  not to gossip on all the
hopeful circumstances I have observed  or I shall never have done  
His natural manner and agreeable simplicity made it transparent
that he said this to put us in good heart  and to enable Agnes to
hear her father mentioned with greater confidence  but it was not
the less pleasant for that 

 Now  let me see   said Traddles  looking among the papers on the
table    Having counted our funds  and reduced to order a great
mass of unintentional confusion in the first place  and of wilful
confusion and falsification in the second  we take it to be clear
that Mr  Wickfield might now wind up his business  and his
agency trust  and exhibit no deficiency or defalcation whatever  

 Oh  thank Heaven   cried Agnes  fervently 

 But   said Traddles   the surplus that would be left as his means
of support   and I suppose the house to be sold  even in saying
this   would be so small  not exceeding in all probability some
hundreds of pounds  that perhaps  Miss Wickfield  it would be best
to consider whether he might not retain his agency of the estate to
which he has so long been receiver   His friends might advise him 
you know  now he is free   You yourself  Miss Wickfield  
Copperfield   I   

 I have considered it  Trotwood   said Agnes  looking to me   and
I feel that it ought not to be  and must not be  even on the
recommendation of a friend to whom I am so grateful  and owe so
much  

 I will not say that I recommend it   observed Traddles    I think
it right to suggest it   No more  

 I am happy to hear you say so   answered Agnes  steadily   for it
gives me hope  almost assurance  that we think alike   Dear Mr 
Traddles and dear Trotwood  papa once free with honour  what could
I wish for  I have always aspired  if I could have released him
from the toils in which he was held  to render back some little
portion of the love and care I owe him  and to devote my life to
him   It has been  for years  the utmost height of my hopes   To
take our future on myself  will be the next great happiness   the
next to his release from all trust and responsibility   that I can
know  

 Have you thought how  Agnes  

 Often  I am not afraid  dear Trotwood   I am certain of success 
So many people know me here  and think kindly of me  that I am
certain   Don t mistrust me   Our wants are not many   If I rent
the dear old house  and keep a school  I shall be useful and
happy  

The calm fervour of her cheerful voice brought back so vividly 
first the dear old house itself  and then my solitary home  that my
heart was too full for speech   Traddles pretended for a little
while to be busily looking among the papers 

 Next  Miss Trotwood   said Traddles   that property of yours  

 Well  sir   sighed my aunt    All I have got to say about it is 
that if it s gone  I can bear it  and if it s not gone  I shall be
glad to get it back  

 It was originally  I think  eight thousand pounds  Consols   said
Traddles 

 Right   replied my aunt 

 I can t account for more than five   said Traddles  with an air of
perplexity 

   thousand  do you mean   inquired my aunt  with uncommon
composure   or pounds  

 Five thousand pounds   said Traddles 

 It was all there was   returned my aunt    I sold three  myself 
One  I paid for your articles  Trot  my dear  and the other two I
have by me   When I lost the rest  I thought it wise to say nothing
about that sum  but to keep it secretly for a rainy day   I wanted
to see how you would come out of the trial  Trot  and you came out
nobly   persevering  self reliant  self denying  So did Dick 
Don t speak to me  for I find my nerves a little shaken  

Nobody would have thought so  to see her sitting upright  with her
arms folded  but she had wonderful self command 

 Then I am delighted to say   cried Traddles  beaming with joy 
 that we have recovered the whole money  

 Don t congratulate me  anybody   exclaimed my aunt    How so 
sir  

 You believed it had been misappropriated by Mr  Wickfield   said
Traddles 

 Of course I did   said my aunt   and was therefore easily
silenced   Agnes  not a word  

 And indeed   said Traddles   it was sold  by virtue of the power
of management he held from you  but I needn t say by whom sold  or
on whose actual signature   It was afterwards pretended to Mr 
Wickfield  by that rascal    and proved  too  by figures    that he
had possessed himself of the money  on general instructions  he
said  to keep other deficiencies and difficulties from the light 
Mr  Wickfield  being so weak and helpless in his hands as to pay
you  afterwards  several sums of interest on a pretended principal
which he knew did not exist  made himself  unhappily  a party to
the fraud  

 And at last took the blame upon himself   added my aunt   and
wrote me a mad letter  charging himself with robbery  and wrong
unheard of   Upon which I paid him a visit early one morning 
called for a candle  burnt the letter  and told him if he ever
could right me and himself  to do it  and if he couldn t  to keep
his own counsel for his daughter s sake     If anybody speaks to
me  I ll leave the house  

We all remained quiet  Agnes covering her face 

 Well  my dear friend   said my aunt  after a pause   and you have
really extorted the money back from him  

 Why  the fact is   returned Traddles   Mr  Micawber had so
completely hemmed him in  and was always ready with so many new
points if an old one failed  that he could not escape from us   A
most remarkable circumstance is  that I really don t think he
grasped this sum even so much for the gratification of his avarice 
which was inordinate  as in the hatred he felt for Copperfield   He
said so to me  plainly   He said he would even have spent as much 
to baulk or injure Copperfield  

 Ha   said my aunt  knitting her brows thoughtfully  and glancing
at Agnes    And what s become of him  

 I don t know   He left here   said Traddles   with his mother  who
had been clamouring  and beseeching  and disclosing  the whole
time   They went away by one of the London night coaches  and I
know no more about him  except that his malevolence to me at
parting was audacious   He seemed to consider himself hardly less
indebted to me  than to Mr  Micawber  which I consider  as I told
him  quite a compliment  

 Do you suppose he has any money  Traddles   I asked 

 Oh dear  yes  I should think so   he replied  shaking his head 
seriously    I should say he must have pocketed a good deal  in one
way or other   But  I think you would find  Copperfield  if you had
an opportunity of observing his course  that money would never keep
that man out of mischief   He is such an incarnate hypocrite  that
whatever object he pursues  he must pursue crookedly   It s his
only compensation for the outward restraints he puts upon himself 
Always creeping along the ground to some small end or other  he
will always magnify every object in the way  and consequently will
hate and suspect everybody that comes  in the most innocent manner 
between him and it   So the crooked courses will become crookeder 
at any moment  for the least reason  or for none   It s only
necessary to consider his history here   said Traddles   to know
that  

 He s a monster of meanness   said my aunt 

 Really I don t know about that   observed Traddles thoughtfully 
 Many people can be very mean  when they give their minds to it  

 And now  touching Mr  Micawber   said my aunt 

 Well  really   said Traddles  cheerfully   I must  once more  give
Mr  Micawber high praise   But for his having been so patient and
persevering for so long a time  we never could have hoped to do
anything worth speaking of   And I think we ought to consider that
Mr  Micawber did right  for right s sake  when we reflect what
terms he might have made with Uriah Heep himself  for his silence  

 I think so too   said I 

 Now  what would you give him   inquired my aunt 

 Oh  Before you come to that   said Traddles  a little
disconcerted   I am afraid I thought it discreet to omit  not being
able to carry everything before me  two points  in making this
lawless adjustment   for it s perfectly lawless from beginning to
end   of a difficult affair   Those I O U  s  and so forth  which
Mr  Micawber gave him for the advances he had   

 Well  They must be paid   said my aunt 

 Yes  but I don t know when they may be proceeded on  or where they
are   rejoined Traddles  opening his eyes   and I anticipate  that 
between this time and his departure  Mr  Micawber will be
constantly arrested  or taken in execution  

 Then he must be constantly set free again  and taken out of
execution   said my aunt    What s the amount altogether  

 Why  Mr  Micawber has entered the transactions   he calls them
transactions   with great form  in a book   rejoined Traddles 
smiling   and he makes the amount a hundred and three pounds 
five  

 Now  what shall we give him  that sum included   said my aunt 
 Agnes  my dear  you and I can talk about division of it
afterwards   What should it be   Five hundred pounds  

Upon this  Traddles and I both struck in at once   We both
recommended a small sum in money  and the payment  without
stipulation to Mr  Micawber  of the Uriah claims as they came in 
We proposed that the family should have their passage and their
outfit  and a hundred pounds  and that Mr  Micawber s arrangement
for the repayment of the advances should be gravely entered into 
as it might be wholesome for him to suppose himself under that
responsibility   To this  I added the suggestion  that I should
give some explanation of his character and history to Mr  Peggotty 
who I knew could be relied on  and that to Mr  Peggotty should be
quietly entrusted the discretion of advancing another hundred   I
further proposed to interest Mr  Micawber in Mr  Peggotty  by
confiding so much of Mr  Peggotty s story to him as I might feel
justified in relating  or might think expedient  and to endeavour
to bring each of them to bear upon the other  for the common
advantage   We all entered warmly into these views  and I may
mention at once  that the principals themselves did so  shortly
afterwards  with perfect good will and harmony 

Seeing that Traddles now glanced anxiously at my aunt again  I
reminded him of the second and last point to which he had adverted 

 You and your aunt will excuse me  Copperfield  if I touch upon a
painful theme  as I greatly fear I shall   said Traddles 
hesitating   but I think it necessary to bring it to your
recollection   On the day of Mr  Micawber s memorable denunciation
a threatening allusion was made by Uriah Heep to your aunt s  
husband  

My aunt  retaining her stiff position  and apparent composure 
assented with a nod 

 Perhaps   observed Traddles   it was mere purposeless
impertinence  

 No   returned my aunt 

 There was   pardon me   really such a person  and at all in his
power   hinted Traddles 

 Yes  my good friend   said my aunt 

Traddles  with a perceptible lengthening of his face  explained
that he had not been able to approach this subject  that it had
shared the fate of Mr  Micawber s liabilities  in not being
comprehended in the terms he had made  that we were no longer of
any authority with Uriah Heep  and that if he could do us  or any
of us  any injury or annoyance  no doubt he would 

My aunt remained quiet  until again some stray tears found their
way to her cheeks 
 You are quite right   she said    It was very thoughtful to
mention it  

 Can I   or Copperfield   do anything   asked Traddles  gently 

 Nothing   said my aunt    I thank you many times   Trot  my dear 
a vain threat  Let us have Mr  and Mrs  Micawber back   And don t
any of you speak to me   With that she smoothed her dress  and sat 
with her upright carriage  looking at the door 

 Well  Mr  and Mrs  Micawber   said my aunt  when they entered 
 We have been discussing your emigration  with many apologies to
you for keeping you out of the room so long  and I ll tell you what
arrangements we propose  

These she explained to the unbounded satisfaction of the family   
children and all being then present    and so much to the awakening
of Mr  Micawber s punctual habits in the opening stage of all bill
transactions  that he could not be dissuaded from immediately
rushing out  in the highest spirits  to buy the stamps for his
notes of hand   But  his joy received a sudden check  for within
five minutes  he returned in the custody of a sheriff  s officer 
informing us  in a flood of tears  that all was lost   We  being
quite prepared for this event  which was of course a proceeding of
Uriah Heep s  soon paid the money  and in five minutes more Mr 
Micawber was seated at the table  filling up the stamps with an
expression of perfect joy  which only that congenial employment  or
the making of punch  could impart in full completeness to his
shining face   To see him at work on the stamps  with the relish of
an artist  touching them like pictures  looking at them sideways 
taking weighty notes of dates and amounts in his pocket book  and
contemplating them when finished  with a high sense of their
precious value  was a sight indeed 

 Now  the best thing you can do  sir  if you ll allow me to advise
you   said my aunt  after silently observing him   is to abjure
that occupation for evermore  

 Madam   replied Mr  Micawber   it is my intention to register such
a vow on the virgin page of the future   Mrs  Micawber will attest
it   I trust   said Mr  Micawber  solemnly   that my son Wilkins
will ever bear in mind  that he had infinitely better put his fist
in the fire  than use it to handle the serpents that have poisoned
the life blood of his unhappy parent   Deeply affected  and changed
in a moment to the image of despair  Mr  Micawber regarded the
serpents with a look of gloomy abhorrence  in which his late
admiration of them was not quite subdued   folded them up and put
them in his pocket 

This closed the proceedings of the evening   We were weary with
sorrow and fatigue  and my aunt and I were to return to London on
the morrow   It was arranged that the Micawbers should follow us 
after effecting a sale of their goods to a broker  that Mr 
Wickfield s affairs should be brought to a settlement  with all
convenient speed  under the direction of Traddles  and that Agnes
should also come to London  pending those arrangements   We passed
the night at the old house  which  freed from the presence of the
Heeps  seemed purged of a disease  and I lay in my old room  like
a shipwrecked wanderer come home 

We went back next day to my aunt s house   not to mine  and when
she and I sat alone  as of old  before going to bed  she said 

 Trot  do you really wish to know what I have had upon my mind
lately  

 Indeed I do  aunt   If there ever was a time when I felt unwilling
that you should have a sorrow or anxiety which I could not share 
it is now  

 You have had sorrow enough  child   said my aunt  affectionately 
 without the addition of my little miseries   I could have no other
motive  Trot  in keeping anything from you  

 I know that well   said I    But tell me now  

 Would you ride with me a little way tomorrow morning   asked my
aunt 

 Of course  

 At nine   said she    I ll tell you then  my dear  

At nine  accordingly  we went out in a little chariot  and drove to
London   We drove a long way through the streets  until we came to
one of the large hospitals   Standing hard by the building was a
plain hearse   The driver recognized my aunt  and  in obedience to
a motion of her hand at the window  drove slowly off  we following 

 You understand it now  Trot   said my aunt    He is gone  

 Did he die in the hospital  

 Yes  

She sat immovable beside me  but  again I saw the stray tears on
her face 

 He was there once before   said my aunt presently    He was ailing
a long time   a shattered  broken man  these many years   When he
knew his state in this last illness  he asked them to send for me 
He was sorry then   Very sorry  

 You went  I know  aunt  

 I went   I was with him a good deal afterwards  

 He died the night before we went to Canterbury   said I 
My aunt nodded    No one can harm him now   she said    It was a
vain threat  

We drove away  out of town  to the churchyard at Hornsey    Better
here than in the streets   said my aunt    He was born here  

We alighted  and followed the plain coffin to a corner I remember
well  where the service was read consigning it to the dust 

 Six and thirty years ago  this day  my dear   said my aunt  as we
walked back to the chariot   I was married   God forgive us all  
We took our seats in silence  and so she sat beside me for a long
time  holding my hand   At length she suddenly burst into tears 
and said 

 He was a fine looking man when I married him  Trot   and he was
sadly changed  

It did not last long   After the relief of tears  she soon became
composed  and even cheerful   Her nerves were a little shaken  she
said  or she would not have given way to it   God forgive us all 

So we rode back to her little cottage at Highgate  where we found
the following short note  which had arrived by that morning s post
from Mr  Micawber 


           Canterbury 

                Friday 

 My dear Madam  and Copperfield 

 The fair land of promise lately looming on the horizon is again
enveloped in impenetrable mists  and for ever withdrawn from the
eyes of a drifting wretch whose Doom is sealed 

 Another writ has been issued  in His Majesty s High Court of
King s Bench at Westminster   in another cause of HEEP V 
MICAWBER  and the defendant in that cause is the prey of the
sheriff having legal jurisdiction in this bailiwick 

      Now s the day  and now s the hour 
     See the front of battle lower 
     See approach proud EDWARD S power  
     Chains and slavery 

 Consigned to which  and to a speedy end  for mental torture is not
supportable beyond a certain point  and that point I feel I have
attained   my course is run   Bless you  bless you  Some future
traveller  visiting  from motives of curiosity  not unmingled  let
us hope  with sympathy  the place of confinement allotted to
debtors in this city  may  and I trust will  Ponder  as he traces
on its wall  inscribed with a rusty nail 
                               The obscure initials 

                                    W  M 

 P S   I re open this to say that our common friend  Mr  Thomas
Traddles  who has not yet left us  and is looking extremely well  
has paid the debt and costs  in the noble name of Miss Trotwood 
and that myself and family are at the height of earthly bliss  



CHAPTER   
TEMPEST


I now approach an event in my life  so indelible  so awful  so
bound by an infinite variety of ties to all that has preceded it 
in these pages  that  from the beginning of my narrative  I have
seen it growing larger and larger as I advanced  like a great tower
in a plain  and throwing its fore cast shadow even on the incidents
of my childish days 

For years after it occurred  I dreamed of it often   I have started
up so vividly impressed by it  that its fury has yet seemed raging
in my quiet room  in the still night   I dream of it sometimes 
though at lengthened and uncertain intervals  to this hour   I have
an association between it and a stormy wind  or the lightest
mention of a sea shore  as strong as any of which my mind is
conscious   As plainly as I behold what happened  I will try to
write it down   I do not recall it  but see it done  for it happens
again before me 

The time drawing on rapidly for the sailing of the emigrant ship 
my good old nurse  almost broken hearted for me  when we first met 
came up to London   I was constantly with her  and her brother  and
the Micawbers  they being very much together   but Emily I never
saw 

One evening when the time was close at hand  I was alone with
Peggotty and her brother   Our conversation turned on Ham   She
described to us how tenderly he had taken leave of her  and how
manfully and quietly he had borne himself   Most of all  of late 
when she believed he was most tried   It was a subject of which the
affectionate creature never tired  and our interest in hearing the
many examples which she  who was so much with him  had to relate 
was equal to hers in relating them 

MY aunt and I were at that time vacating the two cottages at
Highgate  I intending to go abroad  and she to return to her house
at Dover   We had a temporary lodging in Covent Garden   As I
walked home to it  after this evening s conversation  reflecting on
what had passed between Ham and myself when I was last at Yarmouth 
I wavered in the original purpose I had formed  of leaving a letter
for Emily when I should take leave of her uncle on board the ship 
and thought it would be better to write to her now   She might
desire  I thought  after receiving my communication  to send some
parting word by me to her unhappy lover   I ought to give her the
opportunity 

I therefore sat down in my room  before going to bed  and wrote to
her   I told her that I had seen him  and that he had requested me
to tell her what I have already written in its place in these
sheets   I faithfully repeated it   I had no need to enlarge upon
it  if I had had the right   Its deep fidelity and goodness were
not to be adorned by me or any man   I left it out  to be sent
round in the morning  with a line to Mr  Peggotty  requesting him
to give it to her  and went to bed at daybreak 

I was weaker than I knew then  and  not falling asleep until the
sun was up  lay late  and unrefreshed  next day   I was roused by
the silent presence of my aunt at my bedside   I felt it in my
sleep  as I suppose we all do feel such things 

 Trot  my dear   she said  when I opened my eyes   I couldn t make
up my mind to disturb you   Mr  Peggotty is here  shall he come
up  

I replied yes  and he soon appeared 

 Mas r Davy   he said  when we had shaken hands   I giv Em ly your
letter  sir  and she writ this heer  and begged of me fur to ask
you to read it  and if you see no hurt in t  to be so kind as take
charge on t  

 Have you read it   said I 

He nodded sorrowfully   I opened it  and read as follows 


 I have got your message   Oh  what can I write  to thank you for
your good and blessed kindness to me 

 I have put the words close to my heart   I shall keep them till I
die   They are sharp thorns  but they are such comfort   I have
prayed over them  oh  I have prayed so much   When I find what you
are  and what uncle is  I think what God must be  and can cry to
him 

 Good bye for ever   Now  my dear  my friend  good bye for ever in
this world   In another world  if I am forgiven  I may wake a child
and come to you   All thanks and blessings   Farewell  evermore  


This  blotted with tears  was the letter 

 May I tell her as you doen t see no hurt in t  and as you ll be so
kind as take charge on t  Mas r Davy   said Mr  Peggotty  when I
had read it 
 Unquestionably   said I    but I am thinking   

 Yes  Mas r Davy  

 I am thinking   said I   that I ll go down again to Yarmouth 
There s time  and to spare  for me to go and come back before the
ship sails   My mind is constantly running on him  in his solitude 
to put this letter of her writing in his hand at this time  and to
enable you to tell her  in the moment of parting  that he has got
it  will be a kindness to both of them   I solemnly accepted his
commission  dear good fellow  and cannot discharge it too
completely   The journey is nothing to me   I am restless  and
shall be better in motion   I ll go down tonight  

Though he anxiously endeavoured to dissuade me  I saw that he was
of my mind  and this  if I had required to be confirmed in my
intention  would have had the effect   He went round to the coach
office  at my request  and took the box seat for me on the mail 
In the evening I started  by that conveyance  down the road I had
traversed under so many vicissitudes 

 Don t you think that   I asked the coachman  in the first stage
out of London   a very remarkable sky   I don t remember to have
seen one like it  

 Nor I   not equal to it   he replied    That s wind  sir 
There ll be mischief done at sea  I expect  before long  

It was a murky confusion   here and there blotted with a colour
like the colour of the smoke from damp fuel   of flying clouds 
tossed up into most remarkable heaps  suggesting greater heights in
the clouds than there were depths below them to the bottom of the
deepest hollows in the earth  through which the wild moon seemed to
plunge headlong  as if  in a dread disturbance of the laws of
nature  she had lost her way and were frightened   There had been
a wind all day  and it was rising then  with an extraordinary great
sound   In another hour it had much increased  and the sky was more
overcast  and blew hard 

But  as the night advanced  the clouds closing in and densely
over spreading the whole sky  then very dark  it came on to blow 
harder and harder   It still increased  until our horses could
scarcely face the wind   Many times  in the dark part of the night
 it was then late in September  when the nights were not short  
the leaders turned about  or came to a dead stop  and we were often
in serious apprehension that the coach would be blown over 
Sweeping gusts of rain came up before this storm  like showers of
steel  and  at those times  when there was any shelter of trees or
lee walls to be got  we were fain to stop  in a sheer impossibility
of continuing the struggle 

When the day broke  it blew harder and harder   I had been in
Yarmouth when the seamen said it blew great guns  but I had never
known the like of this  or anything approaching to it   We came to
Ipswich   very late  having had to fight every inch of ground since
we were ten miles out of London  and found a cluster of people in
the market place  who had risen from their beds in the night 
fearful of falling chimneys   Some of these  congregating about the
inn yard while we changed horses  told us of great sheets of lead
having been ripped off a high church tower  and flung into a
by street  which they then blocked up   Others had to tell of
country people  coming in from neighbouring villages  who had seen
great trees lying torn out of the earth  and whole ricks scattered
about the roads and fields   Still  there was no abatement in the
storm  but it blew harder 

As we struggled on  nearer and nearer to the sea  from which this
mighty wind was blowing dead on shore  its force became more and
more terrific   Long before we saw the sea  its spray was on our
lips  and showered salt rain upon us   The water was out  over
miles and miles of the flat country adjacent to Yarmouth  and every
sheet and puddle lashed its banks  and had its stress of little
breakers setting heavily towards us   When we came within sight of
the sea  the waves on the horizon  caught at intervals above the
rolling abyss  were like glimpses of another shore with towers and
buildings   When at last we got into the town  the people came out
to their doors  all aslant  and with streaming hair  making a
wonder of the mail that had come through such a night 

I put up at the old inn  and went down to look at the sea 
staggering along the street  which was strewn with sand and
seaweed  and with flying blotches of sea foam  afraid of falling
slates and tiles  and holding by people I met  at angry corners 
Coming near the beach  I saw  not only the boatmen  but half the
people of the town  lurking behind buildings  some  now and then
braving the fury of the storm to look away to sea  and blown sheer
out of their course in trying to get zigzag back 

Joining these groups  I found bewailing women whose husbands were
away in herring or oyster boats  which there was too much reason to
think might have foundered before they could run in anywhere for
safety   Grizzled old sailors were among the people  shaking their
heads  as they looked from water to sky  and muttering to one
another  ship owners  excited and uneasy  children  huddling
together  and peering into older faces  even stout mariners 
disturbed and anxious  levelling their glasses at the sea from
behind places of shelter  as if they were surveying an enemy 

The tremendous sea itself  when I could find sufficient pause to
look at it  in the agitation of the blinding wind  the flying
stones and sand  and the awful noise  confounded me   As the high
watery walls came rolling in  and  at their highest  tumbled into
surf  they looked as if the least would engulf the town   As the
receding wave swept back with a hoarse roar  it seemed to scoop out
deep caves in the beach  as if its purpose were to undermine the
earth   When some white headed billows thundered on  and dashed
themselves to pieces before they reached the land  every fragment
of the late whole seemed possessed by the full might of its wrath 
rushing to be gathered to the composition of another monster 
Undulating hills were changed to valleys  undulating valleys  with
a solitary storm bird sometimes skimming through them  were lifted
up to hills  masses of water shivered and shook the beach with a
booming sound  every shape tumultuously rolled on  as soon as made 
to change its shape and place  and beat another shape and place
away  the ideal shore on the horizon  with its towers and
buildings  rose and fell  the clouds fell fast and thick  I seemed
to see a rending and upheaving of all nature 

Not finding Ham among the people whom this memorable wind   for it
is still remembered down there  as the greatest ever known to blow
upon that coast   had brought together  I made my way to his house 
It was shut  and as no one answered to my knocking  I went  by back
ways and by lanes  to the yard where he worked   I learned  there 
that he had gone to Lowestoft  to meet some sudden exigency of
ship repairing in which his skill was required  but that he would
be back tomorrow morning  in good time 

I went back to the inn  and when I had washed and dressed  and
tried to sleep  but in vain  it was five o clock in the afternoon 
I had not sat five minutes by the coffee room fire  when the
waiter  coming to stir it  as an excuse for talking  told me that
two colliers had gone down  with all hands  a few miles away  and
that some other ships had been seen labouring hard in the Roads 
and trying  in great distress  to keep off shore   Mercy on them 
and on all poor sailors  said he  if we had another night like the
last 

I was very much depressed in spirits  very solitary  and felt an
uneasiness in Ham s not being there  disproportionate to the
occasion   I was seriously affected  without knowing how much  by
late events  and my long exposure to the fierce wind had confused
me   There was that jumble in my thoughts and recollections  that
I had lost the clear arrangement of time and distance   Thus  if I
had gone out into the town  I should not have been surprised  I
think  to encounter someone who I knew must be then in London   So
to speak  there was in these respects a curious inattention in my
mind   Yet it was busy  too  with all the remembrances the place
naturally awakened  and they were particularly distinct and vivid 

In this state  the waiter s dismal intelligence about the ships
immediately connected itself  without any effort of my volition 
with my uneasiness about Ham   I was persuaded that I had an
apprehension of his returning from Lowestoft by sea  and being
lost   This grew so strong with me  that I resolved to go back to
the yard before I took my dinner  and ask the boat builder if he
thought his attempting to return by sea at all likely   If he gave
me the least reason to think so  I would go over to Lowestoft and
prevent it by bringing him with me 

I hastily ordered my dinner  and went back to the yard   I was none
too soon  for the boat builder  with a lantern in his hand  was
locking the yard gate   He quite laughed when I asked him the
question  and said there was no fear  no man in his senses  or out
of them  would put off in such a gale of wind  least of all Ham
Peggotty  who had been born to seafaring 

So sensible of this  beforehand  that I had really felt ashamed of
doing what I was nevertheless impelled to do  I went back to the
inn   If such a wind could rise  I think it was rising   The howl
and roar  the rattling of the doors and windows  the rumbling in
the chimneys  the apparent rocking of the very house that sheltered
me  and the prodigious tumult of the sea  were more fearful than in
the morning   But there was now a great darkness besides  and that
invested the storm with new terrors  real and fanciful 

I could not eat  I could not sit still  I could not continue
steadfast to anything   Something within me  faintly answering to
the storm without  tossed up the depths of my memory and made a
tumult in them   Yet  in all the hurry of my thoughts  wild running
with the thundering sea    the storm  and my uneasiness regarding
Ham were always in the fore ground 

My dinner went away almost untasted  and I tried to refresh myself
with a glass or two of wine   In vain   I fell into a dull slumber
before the fire  without losing my consciousness  either of the
uproar out of doors  or of the place in which I was   Both became
overshadowed by a new and indefinable horror  and when I awoke   or
rather when I shook off the lethargy that bound me in my chair  my
whole frame thrilled with objectless and unintelligible fear 

I walked to and fro  tried to read an old gazetteer  listened to
the awful noises  looked at faces  scenes  and figures in the fire 
At length  the steady ticking of the undisturbed clock on the wall
tormented me to that degree that I resolved to go to bed 

It was reassuring  on such a night  to be told that some of the
inn servants had agreed together to sit up until morning   I went
to bed  exceedingly weary and heavy  but  on my lying down  all
such sensations vanished  as if by magic  and I was broad awake 
with every sense refined 

For hours I lay there  listening to the wind and water  imagining 
now  that I heard shrieks out at sea  now  that I distinctly heard
the firing of signal guns  and now  the fall of houses in the town 
I got up  several times  and looked out  but could see nothing 
except the reflection in the window panes of the faint candle I had
left burning  and of my own haggard face looking in at me from the
black void 

At length  my restlessness attained to such a pitch  that I hurried
on my clothes  and went downstairs   In the large kitchen  where I
dimly saw bacon and ropes of onions hanging from the beams  the
watchers were clustered together  in various attitudes  about a
table  purposely moved away from the great chimney  and brought
near the door   A pretty girl  who had her ears stopped with her
apron  and her eyes upon the door  screamed when I appeared 
supposing me to be a spirit  but the others had more presence of
mind  and were glad of an addition to their company   One man 
referring to the topic they had been discussing  asked me whether
I thought the souls of the collier crews who had gone down  were
out in the storm 

I remained there  I dare say  two hours   Once  I opened the
yard gate  and looked into the empty street   The sand  the
sea weed  and the flakes of foam  were driving by  and I was
obliged to call for assistance before I could shut the gate again 
and make it fast against the wind 

There was a dark gloom in my solitary chamber  when I at length
returned to it  but I was tired now  and  getting into bed again 
fell   off a tower and down a precipice   into the depths of sleep 
I have an impression that for a long time  though I dreamed of
being elsewhere and in a variety of scenes  it was always blowing
in my dream   At length  I lost that feeble hold upon reality  and
was engaged with two dear friends  but who they were I don t know 
at the siege of some town in a roar of cannonading 

The thunder of the cannon was so loud and incessant  that I could
not hear something I much desired to hear  until I made a great
exertion and awoke   It was broad day   eight or nine o clock  the
storm raging  in lieu of the batteries  and someone knocking and
calling at my door 

 What is the matter   I cried 

 A wreck  Close by  

I sprung out of bed  and asked  what wreck 

 A schooner  from Spain or Portugal  laden with fruit and wine 
Make haste  sir  if you want to see her  It s thought  down on the
beach  she ll go to pieces every moment  

The excited voice went clamouring along the staircase  and I
wrapped myself in my clothes as quickly as I could  and ran into
the street 

Numbers of people were there before me  all running in one
direction  to the beach   I ran the same way  outstripping a good
many  and soon came facing the wild sea 

The wind might by this time have lulled a little  though not more
sensibly than if the cannonading I had dreamed of  had been
diminished by the silencing of half a dozen guns out of hundreds 
But the sea  having upon it the additional agitation of the whole
night  was infinitely more terrific than when I had seen it last 
Every appearance it had then presented  bore the expression of
being swelled  and the height to which the breakers rose  and 
looking over one another  bore one another down  and rolled in  in
interminable hosts  was most appalling 
In the difficulty of hearing anything but wind and waves  and in
the crowd  and the unspeakable confusion  and my first breathless
efforts to stand against the weather  I was so confused that I
looked out to sea for the wreck  and saw nothing but the foaming
heads of the great waves   A half dressed boatman  standing next
me  pointed with his bare arm  a tattoo d arrow on it  pointing in
the same direction  to the left   Then  O great Heaven  I saw it 
close in upon us 

One mast was broken short off  six or eight feet from the deck  and
lay over the side  entangled in a maze of sail and rigging  and all
that ruin  as the ship rolled and beat   which she did without a
moment s pause  and with a violence quite inconceivable   beat the
side as if it would stave it in   Some efforts were even then being
made  to cut this portion of the wreck away  for  as the ship 
which was broadside on  turned towards us in her rolling  I plainly
descried her people at work with axes  especially one active figure
with long curling hair  conspicuous among the rest   But a great
cry  which was audible even above the wind and water  rose from the
shore at this moment  the sea  sweeping over the rolling wreck 
made a clean breach  and carried men  spars  casks  planks 
bulwarks  heaps of such toys  into the boiling surge 

The second mast was yet standing  with the rags of a rent sail  and
a wild confusion of broken cordage flapping to and fro   The ship
had struck once  the same boatman hoarsely said in my ear  and then
lifted in and struck again   I understood him to add that she was
parting amidships  and I could readily suppose so  for the rolling
and beating were too tremendous for any human work to suffer long 
As he spoke  there was another great cry of pity from the beach 
four men arose with the wreck out of the deep  clinging to the
rigging of the remaining mast  uppermost  the active figure with
the curling hair 

There was a bell on board  and as the ship rolled and dashed  like
a desperate creature driven mad  now showing us the whole sweep of
her deck  as she turned on her beam ends towards the shore  now
nothing but her keel  as she sprung wildly over and turned towards
the sea  the bell rang  and its sound  the knell of those unhappy
men  was borne towards us on the wind   Again we lost her  and
again she rose   Two men were gone   The agony on the shore
increased   Men groaned  and clasped their hands  women shrieked 
and turned away their faces   Some ran wildly up and down along the
beach  crying for help where no help could be   I found myself one
of these  frantically imploring a knot of sailors whom I knew  not
to let those two lost creatures perish before our eyes 

They were making out to me  in an agitated way   I don t know how 
for the little I could hear I was scarcely composed enough to
understand   that the lifeboat had been bravely manned an hour ago 
and could do nothing  and that as no man would be so desperate as
to attempt to wade off with a rope  and establish a communication
with the shore  there was nothing left to try  when I noticed that
some new sensation moved the people on the beach  and saw them
part  and Ham come breaking through them to the front 

I ran to him   as well as I know  to repeat my appeal for help 
But  distracted though I was  by a sight so new to me and terrible 
the determination in his face  and his look out to sea   exactly
the same look as I remembered in connexion with the morning after
Emily s flight   awoke me to a knowledge of his danger   I held him
back with both arms  and implored the men with whom I had been
speaking  not to listen to him  not to do murder  not to let him
stir from off that sand 

Another cry arose on shore  and looking to the wreck  we saw the
cruel sail  with blow on blow  beat off the lower of the two men 
and fly up in triumph round the active figure left alone upon the
mast 

Against such a sight  and against such determination as that of the
calmly desperate man who was already accustomed to lead half the
people present  I might as hopefully have entreated the wind 
 Mas r Davy   he said  cheerily grasping me by both hands   if my
time is come   tis come   If  tan t  I ll bide it   Lord above
bless you  and bless all  Mates  make me ready  I m a going off  

I was swept away  but not unkindly  to some distance  where the
people around me made me stay  urging  as I confusedly perceived 
that he was bent on going  with help or without  and that I should
endanger the precautions for his safety by troubling those with
whom they rested   I don t know what I answered  or what they
rejoined  but I saw hurry on the beach  and men running with ropes
from a capstan that was there  and penetrating into a circle of
figures that hid him from me   Then  I saw him standing alone  in
a seaman s frock and trousers  a rope in his hand  or slung to his
wrist  another round his body  and several of the best men holding 
at a little distance  to the latter  which he laid out himself 
slack upon the shore  at his feet 

The wreck  even to my unpractised eye  was breaking up   I saw that
she was parting in the middle  and that the life of the solitary
man upon the mast hung by a thread   Still  he clung to it   He had
a singular red cap on    not like a sailor s cap  but of a finer
colour  and as the few yielding planks between him and destruction
rolled and bulged  and his anticipative death knell rung  he was
seen by all of us to wave it   I saw him do it now  and thought I
was going distracted  when his action brought an old remembrance to
my mind of a once dear friend 

Ham watched the sea  standing alone  with the silence of suspended
breath behind him  and the storm before  until there was a great
retiring wave  when  with a backward glance at those who held the
rope which was made fast round his body  he dashed in after it  and
in a moment was buffeting with the water  rising with the hills 
falling with the valleys  lost beneath the foam  then drawn again
to land   They hauled in hastily 

He was hurt   I saw blood on his face  from where I stood  but he
took no thought of that   He seemed hurriedly to give them some
directions for leaving him more free   or so I judged from the
motion of his arm   and was gone as before 

And now he made for the wreck  rising with the hills  falling with
the valleys  lost beneath the rugged foam  borne in towards the
shore  borne on towards the ship  striving hard and valiantly   The
distance was nothing  but the power of the sea and wind made the
strife deadly   At length he neared the wreck   He was so near 
that with one more of his vigorous strokes he would be clinging to
it    when a high  green  vast hill side of water  moving on
shoreward  from beyond the ship  he seemed to leap up into it with
a mighty bound  and the ship was gone 

Some eddying fragments I saw in the sea  as if a mere cask had been
broken  in running to the spot where they were hauling in 
Consternation was in every face   They drew him to my very feet  
insensible   dead   He was carried to the nearest house  and  no
one preventing me now  I remained near him  busy  while every means
of restoration were tried  but he had been beaten to death by the
great wave  and his generous heart was stilled for ever 

As I sat beside the bed  when hope was abandoned and all was done 
a fisherman  who had known me when Emily and I were children  and
ever since  whispered my name at the door 

 Sir   said he  with tears starting to his weather beaten face 
which  with his trembling lips  was ashy pale   will you come over
yonder  

The old remembrance that had been recalled to me  was in his look 
I asked him  terror stricken  leaning on the arm he held out to
support me 

 Has a body come ashore  

He said   Yes  

 Do I know it   I asked then 

He answered nothing 

But he led me to the shore   And on that part of it where she and
I had looked for shells  two children   on that part of it where
some lighter fragments of the old boat  blown down last night  had
been scattered by the wind   among the ruins of the home he had
wronged   I saw him lying with his head upon his arm  as I had
often seen him lie at school 



CHAPTER   
THE NEW WOUND  AND THE OLD

No need  O Steerforth  to have said  when we last spoke together 
in that hour which I so little deemed to be our parting hour   no
need to have said   Think of me at my best   I had done that ever 
and could I change now  looking on this sight 

They brought a hand bier  and laid him on it  and covered him with
a flag  and took him up and bore him on towards the houses   All
the men who carried him had known him  and gone sailing with him 
and seen him merry and bold   They carried him through the wild
roar  a hush in the midst of all the tumult  and took him to the
cottage where Death was already 

But when they set the bier down on the threshold  they looked at
one another  and at me  and whispered   I knew why   They felt as
if it were not right to lay him down in the same quiet room 

We went into the town  and took our burden to the inn   So soon as
I could at all collect my thoughts  I sent for Joram  and begged
him to provide me a conveyance in which it could be got to London
in the night   I knew that the care of it  and the hard duty of
preparing his mother to receive it  could only rest with me  and I
was anxious to discharge that duty as faithfully as I could 

I chose the night for the journey  that there might be less
curiosity when I left the town   But  although it was nearly
midnight when I came out of the yard in a chaise  followed by what
I had in charge  there were many people waiting   At intervals 
along the town  and even a little way out upon the road  I saw
more  but at length only the bleak night and the open country were
around me  and the ashes of my youthful friendship 

Upon a mellow autumn day  about noon  when the ground was perfumed
by fallen leaves  and many more  in beautiful tints of yellow  red 
and brown  yet hung upon the trees  through which the sun was
shining  I arrived at Highgate   I walked the last mile  thinking
as I went along of what I had to do  and left the carriage that had
followed me all through the night  awaiting orders to advance 

The house  when I came up to it  looked just the same   Not a blind
was raised  no sign of life was in the dull paved court  with its
covered way leading to the disused door   The wind had quite gone
down  and nothing moved 

I had not  at first  the courage to ring at the gate  and when I
did ring  my errand seemed to me to be expressed in the very sound
of the bell   The little parlour maid came out  with the key in her
hand  and looking earnestly at me as she unlocked the gate  said 

 I beg your pardon  sir   Are you ill  

 I have been much agitated  and am fatigued  

 Is anything the matter  sir     Mr  James     
 Hush   said I    Yes  something has happened  that I have to break
to Mrs  Steerforth   She is at home  

The girl anxiously replied that her mistress was very seldom out
now  even in a carriage  that she kept her room  that she saw no
company  but would see me   Her mistress was up  she said  and Miss
Dartle was with her   What message should she take upstairs 

Giving her a strict charge to be careful of her manner  and only to
carry in my card and say I waited  I sat down in the drawing room
 which we had now reached  until she should come back   Its former
pleasant air of occupation was gone  and the shutters were half
closed   The harp had not been used for many and many a day   His
picture  as a boy  was there   The cabinet in which his mother had
kept his letters was there   I wondered if she ever read them now 
if she would ever read them more 

The house was so still that I heard the girl s light step upstairs 
On her return  she brought a message  to the effect that Mrs 
Steerforth was an invalid and could not come down  but that if I
would excuse her being in her chamber  she would be glad to see me 
In a few moments I stood before her 

She was in his room  not in her own   I felt  of course  that she
had taken to occupy it  in remembrance of him  and that the many
tokens of his old sports and accomplishments  by which she was
surrounded  remained there  just as he had left them  for the same
reason   She murmured  however  even in her reception of me  that
she was out of her own chamber because its aspect was unsuited to
her infirmity  and with her stately look repelled the least
suspicion of the truth 

At her chair  as usual  was Rosa Dartle   From the first moment of
her dark eyes resting on me  I saw she knew I was the bearer of
evil tidings   The scar sprung into view that instant   She
withdrew herself a step behind the chair  to keep her own face out
of Mrs  Steerforth s observation  and scrutinized me with a
piercing gaze that never faltered  never shrunk 

 I am sorry to observe you are in mourning  sir   said Mrs 
Steerforth 

 I am unhappily a widower   said I 

 You are very young to know so great a loss   she returned    I am
grieved to hear it   I am grieved to hear it   I hope Time will be
good to you  

 I hope Time   said I  looking at her   will be good to all of us 
Dear Mrs  Steerforth  we must all trust to that  in our heaviest
misfortunes  

The earnestness of my manner  and the tears in my eyes  alarmed
her   The whole course of her thoughts appeared to stop  and
change 

I tried to command my voice in gently saying his name  but it
trembled   She repeated it to herself  two or three times  in a low
tone   Then  addressing me  she said  with enforced calmness 

 My son is ill  

 Very ill  

 You have seen him  

 I have  

 Are you reconciled  

I could not say Yes  I could not say No   She slightly turned her
head towards the spot where Rosa Dartle had been standing at her
elbow  and in that moment I said  by the motion of my lips  to
Rosa   Dead  

That Mrs  Steerforth might not be induced to look behind her  and
read  plainly written  what she was not yet prepared to know  I met
her look quickly  but I had seen Rosa Dartle throw her hands up in
the air with vehemence of despair and horror  and then clasp them
on her face 

The handsome lady   so like  oh so like    regarded me with a fixed
look  and put her hand to her forehead   I besought her to be calm 
and prepare herself to bear what I had to tell  but I should rather
have entreated her to weep  for she sat like a stone figure 

 When I was last here   I faltered   Miss Dartle told me he was
sailing here and there   The night before last was a dreadful one
at sea   If he were at sea that night  and near a dangerous coast 
as it is said he was  and if the vessel that was seen should really
be the ship which   

 Rosa   said Mrs  Steerforth   come to me  

She came  but with no sympathy or gentleness   Her eyes gleamed
like fire as she confronted his mother  and broke into a frightful
laugh 

 Now   she said   is your pride appeased  you madwoman   Now has he
made atonement to you   with his life  Do you hear     His life  

Mrs  Steerforth  fallen back stiffly in her chair  and making no
sound but a moan  cast her eyes upon her with a wide stare 

 Aye   cried Rosa  smiting herself passionately on the breast 
 look at me  Moan  and groan  and look at me  Look here   striking
the scar   at your dead child s handiwork  

The moan the mother uttered  from time to time  went to My heart 
Always the same   Always inarticulate and stifled   Always
accompanied with an incapable motion of the head  but with no
change of face   Always proceeding from a rigid mouth and closed
teeth  as if the jaw were locked and the face frozen up in pain 

 Do you remember when he did this   she proceeded    Do you
remember when  in his inheritance of your nature  and in your
pampering of his pride and passion  he did this  and disfigured me
for life   Look at me  marked until I die with his high
displeasure  and moan and groan for what you made him  

 Miss Dartle   I entreated her    For Heaven s sake   

 I WILL speak   she said  turning on me with her lightning eyes 
 Be silent  you  Look at me  I say  proud mother of a proud  false
son  Moan for your nurture of him  moan for your corruption of him 
moan for your loss of him  moan for mine  

She clenched her hand  and trembled through her spare  worn figure 
as if her passion were killing her by inches 

 You  resent his self will   she exclaimed    You  injured by his
haughty temper  You  who opposed to both  when your hair was grey 
the qualities which made both when you gave him birth  YOU  who
from his cradle reared him to be what he was  and stunted what he
should have been  Are you rewarded  now  for your years of
trouble  

 Oh  Miss Dartle  shame  Oh cruel  

 I tell you   she returned   I WILL speak to her   No power on
earth should stop me  while I was standing here  Have I been silent
all these years  and shall I not speak now   I loved him better
than you ever loved him   turning on her fiercely    I could have
loved him  and asked no return   If I had been his wife  I could
have been the slave of his caprices for a word of love a year   I
should have been   Who knows it better than I   You were exacting 
proud  punctilious  selfish   My love would have been devoted  
would have trod your paltry whimpering under foot  

With flashing eyes  she stamped upon the ground as if she actually
did it 

 Look here   she said  striking the scar again  with a relentless
hand    When he grew into the better understanding of what he had
done  he saw it  and repented of it  I could sing to him  and talk
to him  and show the ardour that I felt in all he did  and attain
with labour to such knowledge as most interested him  and I
attracted him   When he was freshest and truest  he loved me   Yes 
he did  Many a time  when you were put off with a slight word  he
has taken Me to his heart  

She said it with a taunting pride in the midst of her frenzy   for
it was little less   yet with an eager remembrance of it  in which
the smouldering embers of a gentler feeling kindled for the moment 

 I descended   as I might have known I should  but that he
fascinated me with his boyish courtship   into a doll  a trifle for
the occupation of an idle hour  to be dropped  and taken up  and
trifled with  as the inconstant humour took him   When he grew
weary  I grew weary   As his fancy died out  I would no more have
tried to strengthen any power I had  than I would have married him
on his being forced to take me for his wife   We fell away from one
another without a word   Perhaps you saw it  and were not sorry 
Since then  I have been a mere disfigured piece of furniture
between you both  having no eyes  no ears  no feelings  no
remembrances   Moan   Moan for what you made him  not for your
love   I tell you that the time was  when I loved him better than
you ever did  

She stood with her bright angry eyes confronting the wide stare 
and the set face  and softened no more  when the moaning was
repeated  than if the face had been a picture 

 Miss Dartle   said I   if you can be so obdurate as not to feel
for this afflicted mother   

 Who feels for me   she sharply retorted    She has sown this   Let
her moan for the harvest that she reaps today  

 And if his faults    I began 

 Faults   she cried  bursting into passionate tears    Who dares
malign him   He had a soul worth millions of the friends to whom he
stooped  

 No one can have loved him better  no one can hold him in dearer
remembrance than I   I replied    I meant to say  if you have no
compassion for his mother  or if his faults   you have been bitter
on them   

 It s false   she cried  tearing her black hair   I loved him  

   if his faults cannot   I went on   be banished from your
remembrance  in such an hour  look at that figure  even as one you
have never seen before  and render it some help  

All this time  the figure was unchanged  and looked unchangeable 
Motionless  rigid  staring  moaning in the same dumb way from time
to time  with the same helpless motion of the head  but giving no
other sign of life   Miss Dartle suddenly kneeled down before it 
and began to loosen the dress 

 A curse upon you   she said  looking round at me  with a mingled
expression of rage and grief    It was in an evil hour that you
ever came here  A curse upon you  Go  

After passing out of the room  I hurried back to ring the bell  the
sooner to alarm the servants   She had then taken the impassive
figure in her arms  and  still upon her knees  was weeping over it 
kissing it  calling to it  rocking it to and fro upon her bosom
like a child  and trying every tender means to rouse the dormant
senses   No longer afraid of leaving her  I noiselessly turned back
again  and alarmed the house as I went out 

Later in the day  I returned  and we laid him in his mother s room 
She was just the same  they told me  Miss Dartle never left her 
doctors were in attendance  many things had been tried  but she lay
like a statue  except for the low sound now and then 

I went through the dreary house  and darkened the windows   The
windows of the chamber where he lay  I darkened last   I lifted up
the leaden hand  and held it to my heart  and all the world seemed
death and silence  broken only by his mother s moaning 



CHAPTER   
THE EMIGRANTS


One thing more  I had to do  before yielding myself to the shock of
these emotions   It was  to conceal what had occurred  from those
who were going away  and to dismiss them on their voyage in happy
ignorance   In this  no time was to be lost 

I took Mr  Micawber aside that same night  and confided to him the
task of standing between Mr  Peggotty and intelligence of the late
catastrophe   He zealously undertook to do so  and to intercept any
newspaper through which it might  without such precautions  reach
him 

 If it penetrates to him  sir   said Mr  Micawber  striking himself
on the breast   it shall first pass through this body  

Mr  Micawber  I must observe  in his adaptation of himself to a new
state of society  had acquired a bold buccaneering air  not
absolutely lawless  but defensive and prompt   One might have
supposed him a child of the wilderness  long accustomed to live out
of the confines of civilization  and about to return to his native
wilds 

He had provided himself  among other things  with a complete suit
of oilskin  and a straw hat with a very low crown  pitched or
caulked on the outside   In this rough clothing  with a common
mariner s telescope under his arm  and a shrewd trick of casting up
his eye at the sky as looking out for dirty weather  he was far
more nautical  after his manner  than Mr  Peggotty   His whole
family  if I may so express it  were cleared for action   I found
Mrs  Micawber in the closest and most uncompromising of bonnets 
made fast under the chin  and in a shawl which tied her up  as I
had been tied up  when my aunt first received me  like a bundle 
and was secured behind at the waist  in a strong knot   Miss
Micawber I found made snug for stormy weather  in the same manner 
with nothing superfluous about her   Master Micawber was hardly
visible in a Guernsey shirt  and the shaggiest suit of slops I ever
saw  and the children were done up  like preserved meats  in
impervious cases   Both Mr  Micawber and his eldest son wore their
sleeves loosely turned back at the wrists  as being ready to lend
a hand in any direction  and to  tumble up   or sing out   Yeo  
Heave   Yeo   on the shortest notice 

Thus Traddles and I found them at nightfall  assembled on the
wooden steps  at that time known as Hungerford Stairs  watching the
departure of a boat with some of their property on board   I had
told Traddles of the terrible event  and it had greatly shocked
him  but there could be no doubt of the kindness of keeping it a
secret  and he had come to help me in this last service   It was
here that I took Mr  Micawber aside  and received his promise 

The Micawber family were lodged in a little  dirty  tumble down
public house  which in those days was close to the stairs  and
whose protruding wooden rooms overhung the river   The family  as
emigrants  being objects of some interest in and about Hungerford 
attracted so many beholders  that we were glad to take refuge in
their room   It was one of the wooden chambers upstairs  with the
tide flowing underneath   My aunt and Agnes were there  busily
making some little extra comforts  in the way of dress  for the
children   Peggotty was quietly assisting  with the old insensible
work box  yard measure  and bit of wax candle before her  that had
now outlived so much 

It was not easy to answer her inquiries  still less to whisper Mr 
Peggotty  when Mr  Micawber brought him in  that I had given the
letter  and all was well   But I did both  and made them happy   If
I showed any trace of what I felt  my own sorrows were sufficient
to account for it 

 And when does the ship sail  Mr  Micawber   asked my aunt 

Mr  Micawber considered it necessary to prepare either my aunt or
his wife  by degrees  and said  sooner than he had expected
yesterday 

 The boat brought you word  I suppose   said my aunt 

 It did  ma am   he returned 

 Well   said my aunt    And she sails   

 Madam   he replied   I am informed that we must positively be on
board before seven tomorrow morning  

 Heyday   said my aunt   that s soon   Is it a sea going fact  Mr 
Peggotty  
  Tis so  ma am   She ll drop down the river with that theer tide 
If Mas r Davy and my sister comes aboard at Gravesen   arternoon o 
next day  they ll see the last on us  

 And that we shall do   said I   be sure  

 Until then  and until we are at sea   observed Mr  Micawber  with
a glance of intelligence at me   Mr  Peggotty and myself will
constantly keep a double look out together  on our goods and
chattels   Emma  my love   said Mr  Micawber  clearing his throat
in his magnificent way   my friend Mr  Thomas Traddles is so
obliging as to solicit  in my ear  that he should have the
privilege of ordering the ingredients necessary to the composition
of a moderate portion of that Beverage which is peculiarly
associated  in our minds  with the Roast Beef of Old England   I
allude to   in short  Punch   Under ordinary circumstances  I
should scruple to entreat the indulgence of Miss Trotwood and Miss
Wickfield  but  

 I can only say for myself   said my aunt   that I will drink all
happiness and success to you  Mr  Micawber  with the utmost
pleasure  

 And I too   said Agnes  with a smile 

Mr  Micawber immediately descended to the bar  where he appeared to
be quite at home  and in due time returned with a steaming jug   I
could not but observe that he had been peeling the lemons with his
own clasp knife  which  as became the knife of a practical settler 
was about a foot long  and which he wiped  not wholly without
ostentation  on the sleeve of his coat   Mrs  Micawber and the two
elder members of the family I now found to be provided with similar
formidable instruments  while every child had its own wooden spoon
attached to its body by a strong line   In a similar anticipation
of life afloat  and in the Bush  Mr  Micawber  instead of helping
Mrs  Micawber and his eldest son and daughter to punch  in
wine glasses  which he might easily have done  for there was a
shelf full in the room  served it out to them in a series of
villainous little tin pots  and I never saw him enjoy anything so
much as drinking out of his own particular pint pot  and putting it
in his pocket at the close of the evening 

 The luxuries of the old country   said Mr  Micawber  with an
intense satisfaction in their renouncement   we abandon   The
denizens of the forest cannot  of course  expect to participate in
the refinements of the land of the Free  

Here  a boy came in to say that Mr  Micawber was wanted downstairs 

 I have a presentiment   said Mrs  Micawber  setting down her tin
pot   that it is a member of my family  

 If so  my dear   observed Mr  Micawber  with his usual suddenness
of warmth on that subject   as the member of your family   whoever
he  she  or it  may be   has kept us waiting for a considerable
period  perhaps the Member may now wait MY convenience  

 Micawber   said his wife  in a low tone   at such a time as
this   

  It is not meet    said Mr  Micawber  rising    that every nice
offence should bear its comment   Emma  I stand reproved  

 The loss  Micawber   observed his wife   has been my family s  not
yours   If my family are at length sensible of the deprivation to
which their own conduct has  in the past  exposed them  and now
desire to extend the hand of fellowship  let it not be repulsed  

 My dear   he returned   so be it  

 If not for their sakes  for mine  Micawber   said his wife 

 Emma   he returned   that view of the question is  at such a
moment  irresistible   I cannot  even now  distinctly pledge myself
to fall upon your family s neck  but the member of your family  who
is now in attendance  shall have no genial warmth frozen by me  

Mr  Micawber withdrew  and was absent some little time  in the
course of which Mrs  Micawber was not wholly free from an
apprehension that words might have arisen between him and the
Member   At length the same boy reappeared  and presented me with
a note written in pencil  and headed  in a legal manner   Heep v 
Micawber    From this document  I learned that Mr  Micawber being
again arrested   Was in a final paroxysm of despair  and that he
begged me to send him his knife and pint pot  by bearer  as they
might prove serviceable during the brief remainder of his
existence  in jail   He also requested  as a last act of
friendship  that I would see his family to the Parish Workhouse 
and forget that such a Being ever lived 

Of course I answered this note by going down with the boy to pay
the money  where I found Mr  Micawber sitting in a corner  looking
darkly at the Sheriff  s Officer who had effected the capture   On
his release  he embraced me with the utmost fervour  and made an
entry of the transaction in his pocket book   being very
particular  I recollect  about a halfpenny I inadvertently omitted
from my statement of the total 

This momentous pocket book was a timely reminder to him of another
transaction   On our return to the room upstairs  where he
accounted for his absence by saying that it had been occasioned by
circumstances over which he had no control   he took out of it a
large sheet of paper  folded small  and quite covered with long
sums  carefully worked   From the glimpse I had of them  I should
say that I never saw such sums out of a school ciphering book 
These  it seemed  were calculations of compound interest on what he
called  the principal amount of forty one  ten  eleven and a half  
for various periods   After a careful consideration of these  and
an elaborate estimate of his resources  he had come to the
conclusion to select that sum which represented the amount with
compound interest to two years  fifteen calendar months  and
fourteen days  from that date   For this he had drawn a
note of hand with great neatness  which he handed over to Traddles
on the spot  a discharge of his debt in full  as between man and
man   with many acknowledgements 

 I have still a presentiment   said Mrs  Micawber  pensively
shaking her head   that my family will appear on board  before we
finally depart  

Mr  Micawber evidently had his presentiment on the subject too  but
he put it in his tin pot and swallowed it 

 If you have any opportunity of sending letters home  on your
passage  Mrs  Micawber   said my aunt   you must let us hear from
you  you know  

 My dear Miss Trotwood   she replied   I shall only be too happy to
think that anyone expects to hear from us   I shall not fail to
correspond   Mr  Copperfield  I trust  as an old and familiar
friend  will not object to receive occasional intelligence 
himself  from one who knew him when the twins were yet
unconscious  

I said that I should hope to hear  whenever she had an opportunity
of writing 

 Please Heaven  there will be many such opportunities   said Mr 
Micawber    The ocean  in these times  is a perfect fleet of ships 
and we can hardly fail to encounter many  in running over   It is
merely crossing   said Mr  Micawber  trifling with his eye glass 
 merely crossing   The distance is quite imaginary  

I think  now  how odd it was  but how wonderfully like Mr 
Micawber  that  when he went from London to Canterbury  he should
have talked as if he were going to the farthest limits of the
earth  and  when he went from England to Australia  as if he were
going for a little trip across the channel 

 On the voyage  I shall endeavour   said Mr  Micawber 
 occasionally to spin them a yarn  and the melody of my son Wilkins
will  I trust  be acceptable at the galley fire   When Mrs 
Micawber has her sea legs on   an expression in which I hope there
is no conventional impropriety   she will give them  I dare say 
 Little Tafflin    Porpoises and dolphins  I believe  will be
frequently observed athwart our Bows  and  either on the starboard
or the larboard quarter  objects of interest will be continually
descried   In short   said Mr  Micawber  with the old genteel air 
 the probability is  all will be found so exciting  alow and aloft 
that when the lookout  stationed in the main top  cries Land oh  we
shall be very considerably astonished  

With that he flourished off the contents of his little tin pot  as
if he had made the voyage  and had passed a first class examination
before the highest naval authorities 

 What I chiefly hope  my dear Mr  Copperfield   said Mrs 
Micawber   is  that in some branches of our family we may live
again in the old country   Do not frown  Micawber  I do not now
refer to my own family  but to our children s children   However
vigorous the sapling   said Mrs  Micawber  shaking her head   I
cannot forget the parent tree  and when our race attains to
eminence and fortune  I own I should wish that fortune to flow into
the coffers of Britannia  

 My dear   said Mr  Micawber   Britannia must take her chance   I
am bound to say that she has never done much for me  and that I
have no particular wish upon the subject  

 Micawber   returned Mrs  Micawber   there  you are wrong   You are
going out  Micawber  to this distant clime  to strengthen  not to
weaken  the connexion between yourself and Albion  

 The connexion in question  my love   rejoined Mr  Micawber   has
not laid me  I repeat  under that load of personal obligation  that
I am at all sensitive as to the formation of another connexion  

 Micawber   returned Mrs  Micawber    There  I again say  you are
wrong   You do not know your power  Micawber   It is that which
will strengthen  even in this step you are about to take  the
connexion between yourself and Albion  

Mr  Micawber sat in his elbow chair  with his eyebrows raised  half
receiving and half repudiating Mrs  Micawber s views as they were
stated  but very sensible of their foresight 

 My dear Mr  Copperfield   said Mrs  Micawber   I wish Mr  Micawber
to feel his position   It appears to me highly important that Mr 
Micawber should  from the hour of his embarkation  feel his
position   Your old knowledge of me  my dear Mr  Copperfield  will
have told you that I have not the sanguine disposition of Mr 
Micawber   My disposition is  if I may say so  eminently practical 
I know that this is a long voyage   I know that it will involve
many privations and inconveniences   I cannot shut my eyes to those
facts   But I also know what Mr  Micawber is   I know the latent
power of Mr  Micawber   And therefore I consider it vitally
important that Mr  Micawber should feel his position  

 My love   he observed   perhaps you will allow me to remark that
it is barely possible that I DO feel my position at the present
moment  

 I think not  Micawber   she rejoined    Not fully   My dear Mr 
Copperfield  Mr  Micawber s is not a common case   Mr  Micawber is
going to a distant country expressly in order that he may be fully
understood and appreciated for the first time   I wish Mr  Micawber
to take his stand upon that vessel s prow  and firmly say   This
country I am come to conquer  Have you honours   Have you riches 
Have you posts of profitable pecuniary emolument   Let them be
brought forward   They are mine   

Mr  Micawber  glancing at us all  seemed to think there was a good
deal in this idea 

 I wish Mr  Micawber  if I make myself understood   said Mrs 
Micawber  in her argumentative tone   to be the Caesar of his own
fortunes   That  my dear Mr  Copperfield  appears to me to be his
true position   From the first moment of this voyage  I wish Mr 
Micawber to stand upon that vessel s prow and say   Enough of
delay  enough of disappointment  enough of limited means   That was
in the old country   This is the new   Produce your reparation 
Bring it forward   

Mr  Micawber folded his arms in a resolute manner  as if he were
then stationed on the figure head 

 And doing that   said Mrs  Micawber     feeling his position   am
I not right in saying that Mr  Micawber will strengthen  and not
weaken  his connexion with Britain   An important public character
arising in that hemisphere  shall I be told that its influence will
not be felt at home   Can I be so weak as to imagine that Mr 
Micawber  wielding the rod of talent and of power in Australia 
will be nothing in England   I am but a woman  but I should be
unworthy of myself and of my papa  if I were guilty of such absurd
weakness  

Mrs  Micawber s conviction that her arguments were unanswerable 
gave a moral elevation to her tone which I think I had never heard
in it before 

 And therefore it is   said Mrs  Micawber   that I the more wish 
that  at a future period  we may live again on the parent soil 
Mr  Micawber may be   I cannot disguise from myself that the
probability is  Mr  Micawber will be   a page of History  and he
ought then to be represented in the country which gave him birth 
and did NOT give him employment  

 My love   observed Mr  Micawber   it is impossible for me not to
be touched by your affection   I am always willing to defer to your
good sense   What will be   will be   Heaven forbid that I should
grudge my native country any portion of the wealth that may be
accumulated by our descendants  

 That s well   said my aunt  nodding towards Mr  Peggotty   and I
drink my love to you all  and every blessing and success attend
you  

Mr  Peggotty put down the two children he had been nursing  one on
each knee  to join Mr  and Mrs  Micawber in drinking to all of us
in return  and when he and the Micawbers cordially shook hands as
comrades  and his brown face brightened with a smile  I felt that
he would make his way  establish a good name  and be beloved  go
where he would 

Even the children were instructed  each to dip a wooden spoon into
Mr  Micawber s pot  and pledge us in its contents   When this was
done  my aunt and Agnes rose  and parted from the emigrants   It
was a sorrowful farewell   They were all crying  the children hung
about Agnes to the last  and we left poor Mrs  Micawber in a very
distressed condition  sobbing and weeping by a dim candle  that
must have made the room look  from the river  like a miserable
light house 

I went down again next morning to see that they were away   They
had departed  in a boat  as early as five o clock   It was a
wonderful instance to me of the gap such partings make  that
although my association of them with the tumble down public house
and the wooden stairs dated only from last night  both seemed
dreary and deserted  now that they were gone 

In the afternoon of the next day  my old nurse and I went down to
Gravesend   We found the ship in the river  surrounded by a crowd
of boats  a favourable wind blowing  the signal for sailing at her
mast head   I hired a boat directly  and we put off to her  and
getting through the little vortex of confusion of which she was the
centre  went on board 

Mr  Peggotty was waiting for us on deck   He told me that Mr 
Micawber had just now been arrested again  and for the last time 
at the suit of Heep  and that  in compliance with a request I had
made to him  he had paid the money  which I repaid him   He then
took us down between decks  and there  any lingering fears I had of
his having heard any rumours of what had happened  were dispelled
by Mr  Micawber s coming out of the gloom  taking his arm with an
air of friendship and protection  and telling me that they had
scarcely been asunder for a moment  since the night before last 

It was such a strange scene to me  and so confined and dark  that 
at first  I could make out hardly anything  but  by degrees  it
cleared  as my eyes became more accustomed to the gloom  and I
seemed to stand in a picture by OSTADE   Among the great beams 
bulks  and ringbolts of the ship  and the emigrant berths  and
chests  and bundles  and barrels  and heaps of miscellaneous
baggage   lighted up  here and there  by dangling lanterns  and
elsewhere by the yellow daylight straying down a windsail or a
hatchway   were crowded groups of people  making new friendships 
taking leave of one another  talking  laughing  crying  eating and
drinking  some  already settled down into the possession of their
few feet of space  with their little households arranged  and tiny
children established on stools  or in dwarf elbow chairs  others 
despairing of a resting place  and wandering disconsolately   From
babies who had but a week or two of life behind them  to crooked
old men and women who seemed to have but a week or two of life
before them  and from ploughmen bodily carrying out soil of England
on their boots  to smiths taking away samples of its soot and smoke
upon their skins  every age and occupation appeared to be crammed
into the narrow compass of the  tween decks 

As my eye glanced round this place  I thought I saw sitting  by an
open port  with one of the Micawber children near her  a figure
like Emily s  it first attracted my attention  by another figure
parting from it with a kiss  and as it glided calmly away through
the disorder  reminding me of   Agnes  But in the rapid motion and
confusion  and in the unsettlement of my own thoughts  I lost it
again  and only knew that the time was come when all visitors were
being warned to leave the ship  that my nurse was crying on a chest
beside me  and that Mrs  Gummidge  assisted by some younger
stooping woman in black  was busily arranging Mr  Peggotty s goods 

 Is there any last wured  Mas r Davy   said he    Is there any one
forgotten thing afore we parts  

 One thing   said I    Martha  

He touched the younger woman I have mentioned on the shoulder  and
Martha stood before me 

 Heaven bless you  you good man   cried I    You take her with
you  

She answered for him  with a burst of tears   I could speak no more
at that time  but I wrung his hand  and if ever I have loved and
honoured any man  I loved and honoured that man in my soul 

The ship was clearing fast of strangers   The greatest trial that
I had  remained   I told him what the noble spirit that was gone 
had given me in charge to say at parting   It moved him deeply 
But when he charged me  in return  with many messages of affection
and regret for those deaf ears  he moved me more 

The time was come   I embraced him  took my weeping nurse upon my
arm  and hurried away   On deck  I took leave of poor Mrs 
Micawber   She was looking distractedly about for her family  even
then  and her last words to me were  that she never would desert
Mr  Micawber 

We went over the side into our boat  and lay at a little distance 
to see the ship wafted on her course   It was then calm  radiant
sunset   She lay between us  and the red light  and every taper
line and spar was visible against the glow   A sight at once so
beautiful  so mournful  and so hopeful  as the glorious ship 
lying  still  on the flushed water  with all the life on board her
crowded at the bulwarks  and there clustering  for a moment 
bare headed and silent  I never saw 

Silent  only for a moment   As the sails rose to the wind  and the
ship began to move  there broke from all the boats three resounding
cheers  which those on board took up  and echoed back  and which
were echoed and re echoed   My heart burst out when I heard the
sound  and beheld the waving of the hats and handkerchiefs   and
then I saw her 

Then I saw her  at her uncle s side  and trembling on his shoulder 
He pointed to us with an eager hand  and she saw us  and waved her
last good bye to me   Aye  Emily  beautiful and drooping  cling to
him with the utmost trust of thy bruised heart  for he has clung to
thee  with all the might of his great love 

Surrounded by the rosy light  and standing high upon the deck 
apart together  she clinging to him  and he holding her  they
solemnly passed away   The night had fallen on the Kentish hills
when we were rowed ashore   and fallen darkly upon me 



CHAPTER   
ABSENCE


It was a long and gloomy night that gathered on me  haunted by the
ghosts of many hopes  of many dear remembrances  many errors  many
unavailing sorrows and regrets 

I went away from England  not knowing  even then  how great the
shock was  that I had to bear   I left all who were dear to me  and
went away  and believed that I had borne it  and it was past   As
a man upon a field of battle will receive a mortal hurt  and
scarcely know that he is struck  so I  when I was left alone with
my undisciplined heart  had no conception of the wound with which
it had to strive 

The knowledge came upon me  not quickly  but little by little  and
grain by grain   The desolate feeling with which I went abroad 
deepened and widened hourly   At first it was a heavy sense of loss
and sorrow  wherein I could distinguish little else   By
imperceptible degrees  it became a hopeless consciousness of all
that I had lost   love  friendship  interest  of all that had been
shattered   my first trust  my first affection  the whole airy
castle of my life  of all that remained   a ruined blank and waste 
lying wide around me  unbroken  to the dark horizon 

If my grief were selfish  I did not know it to be so   I mourned
for my child wife  taken from her blooming world  so young   I
mourned for him who might have won the love and admiration of
thousands  as he had won mine long ago   I mourned for the broken
heart that had found rest in the stormy sea  and for the wandering
remnants of the simple home  where I had heard the night wind
blowing  when I was a child 

From the accumulated sadness into which I fell  I had at length no
hope of ever issuing again   I roamed from place to place  carrying
my burden with me everywhere   I felt its whole weight now  and I
drooped beneath it  and I said in my heart that it could never be
lightened 

When this despondency was at its worst  I believed that I should
die   Sometimes  I thought that I would like to die at home  and
actually turned back on my road  that I might get there soon   At
other times  I passed on farther away   from city to city  seeking
I know not what  and trying to leave I know not what behind 

It is not in my power to retrace  one by one  all the weary phases
of distress of mind through which I passed   There are some dreams
that can only be imperfectly and vaguely described  and when I
oblige myself to look back on this time of my life  I seem to be
recalling such a dream   I see myself passing on among the
novelties of foreign towns  palaces  cathedrals  temples  pictures 
castles  tombs  fantastic streets   the old abiding places of
History and Fancy   as a dreamer might  bearing my painful load
through all  and hardly conscious of the objects as they fade
before me   Listlessness to everything  but brooding sorrow  was
the night that fell on my undisciplined heart   Let me look up from
it   as at last I did  thank Heaven    and from its long  sad 
wretched dream  to dawn 

For many months I travelled with this ever darkening cloud upon my
mind   Some blind reasons that I had for not returning home  
reasons then struggling within me  vainly  for more distinct
expression   kept me on my pilgrimage   Sometimes  I had proceeded
restlessly from place to place  stopping nowhere  sometimes  I had
lingered long in one spot   I had had no purpose  no sustaining
soul within me  anywhere 

I was in Switzerland   I had come out of Italy  over one of the
great passes of the Alps  and had since wandered with a guide among
the by ways of the mountains   If those awful solitudes had spoken
to my heart  I did not know it   I had found sublimity and wonder
in the dread heights and precipices  in the roaring torrents  and
the wastes of ice and snow  but as yet  they had taught me nothing
else 

I came  one evening before sunset  down into a valley  where I was
to rest   In the course of my descent to it  by the winding track
along the mountain side  from which I saw it shining far below  I
think some long unwonted sense of beauty and tranquillity  some
softening influence awakened by its peace  moved faintly in my
breast   I remember pausing once  with a kind of sorrow that was
not all oppressive  not quite despairing   I remember almost hoping
that some better change was possible within me 

I came into the valley  as the evening sun was shining on the
remote heights of snow  that closed it in  like eternal clouds 
The bases of the mountains forming the gorge in which the little
village lay  were richly green  and high above this gentler
vegetation  grew forests of dark fir  cleaving the wintry
snow drift  wedge like  and stemming the avalanche   Above these 
were range upon range of craggy steeps  grey rock  bright ice  and
smooth verdure specks of pasture  all gradually blending with the
crowning snow   Dotted here and there on the mountain s side  each
tiny dot a home  were lonely wooden cottages  so dwarfed by the
towering heights that they appeared too small for toys   So did
even the clustered village in the valley  with its wooden bridge
across the stream  where the stream tumbled over broken rocks  and
roared away among the trees   In the quiet air  there was a sound
of distant singing   shepherd voices  but  as one bright evening
cloud floated midway along the mountain s side  I could almost have
believed it came from there  and was not earthly music   All at
once  in this serenity  great Nature spoke to me  and soothed me to
lay down my weary head upon the grass  and weep as I had not wept
yet  since Dora died 

I had found a packet of letters awaiting me but a few minutes
before  and had strolled out of the village to read them while my
supper was making ready   Other packets had missed me  and I had
received none for a long time   Beyond a line or two  to say that
I was well  and had arrived at such a place  I had not had
fortitude or constancy to write a letter since I left home 

The packet was in my hand   I opened it  and read the writing of
Agnes 

She was happy and useful  was prospering as she had hoped   That
was all she told me of herself   The rest referred to me 

She gave me no advice  she urged no duty on me  she only told me 
in her own fervent manner  what her trust in me was   She knew  she
said  how such a nature as mine would turn affliction to good   She
knew how trial and emotion would exalt and strengthen it   She was
sure that in my every purpose I should gain a firmer and a higher
tendency  through the grief I had undergone   She  who so gloried
in my fame  and so looked forward to its augmentation  well knew
that I would labour on   She knew that in me  sorrow could not be
weakness  but must be strength   As the endurance of my childish
days had done its part to make me what I was  so greater calamities
would nerve me on  to be yet better than I was  and so  as they had
taught me  would I teach others   She commended me to God  who had
taken my innocent darling to His rest  and in her sisterly
affection cherished me always  and was always at my side go where
I would  proud of what I had done  but infinitely prouder yet of
what I was reserved to do 

I put the letter in my breast  and thought what had I been an hour
ago  When I heard the voices die away  and saw the quiet evening
cloud grow dim  and all the colours in the valley fade  and the
golden snow upon the mountain tops become a remote part of the pale
night sky  yet felt that the night was passing from my mind  and
all its shadows clearing  there was no name for the love I bore
her  dearer to me  henceforward  than ever until then 

I read her letter many times   I wrote to her before I slept   I
told her that I had been in sore need of her help  that without her
I was not  and I never had been  what she thought me  but that she
inspired me to be that  and I would try 

I did try   In three months more  a year would have passed since
the beginning of my sorrow   I determined to make no resolutions
until the expiration of those three months  but to try   I lived in
that valley  and its neighbourhood  all the time 

The three months gone  I resolved to remain away from home for some
time longer  to settle myself for the present in Switzerland  which
was growing dear to me in the remembrance of that evening  to
resume my pen  to work 

I resorted humbly whither Agnes had commended me  I sought out
Nature  never sought in vain  and I admitted to my breast the human
interest I had lately shrunk from   It was not long  before I had
almost as many friends in the valley as in Yarmouth  and when I
left it  before the winter set in  for Geneva  and came back in the
spring  their cordial greetings had a homely sound to me  although
they were not conveyed in English words 

I worked early and late  patiently and hard   I wrote a Story  with
a purpose growing  not remotely  out of my experience  and sent it
to Traddles  and he arranged for its publication very
advantageously for me  and the tidings of my growing reputation
began to reach me from travellers whom I encountered by chance 
After some rest and change  I fell to work  in my old ardent way 
on a new fancy  which took strong possession of me   As I advanced
in the execution of this task  I felt it more and more  and roused
my utmost energies to do it well   This was my third work of
fiction   It was not half written  when  in an interval of rest  I
thought of returning home 

For a long time  though studying and working patiently  I had
accustomed myself to robust exercise   My health  severely impaired
when I left England  was quite restored   I had seen much   I had
been in many countries  and I hope I had improved my store of
knowledge 

I have now recalled all that I think it needful to recall here  of
this term of absence   with one reservation   I have made it  thus
far  with no purpose of suppressing any of my thoughts  for  as I
have elsewhere said  this narrative is my written memory   I have
desired to keep the most secret current of my mind apart  and to
the last   I enter on it now   I cannot so completely penetrate the
mystery of my own heart  as to know when I began to think that I
might have set its earliest and brightest hopes on Agnes   I cannot
say at what stage of my grief it first became associated with the
reflection  that  in my wayward boyhood  I had thrown away the
treasure of her love   I believe I may have heard some whisper of
that distant thought  in the old unhappy loss or want of something
never to be realized  of which I had been sensible   But the
thought came into my mind as a new reproach and new regret  when I
was left so sad and lonely in the world 

If  at that time  I had been much with her  I should  in the
weakness of my desolation  have betrayed this   It was what I
remotely dreaded when I was first impelled to stay away from
England   I could not have borne to lose the smallest portion of
her sisterly affection  yet  in that betrayal  I should have set a
constraint between us hitherto unknown 

I could not forget that the feeling with which she now regarded me
had grown up in my own free choice and course   That if she had
ever loved me with another love   and I sometimes thought the time
was when she might have done so   I had cast it away   It was
nothing  now  that I had accustomed myself to think of her  when we
were both mere children  as one who was far removed from my wild
fancies   I had bestowed my passionate tenderness upon another
object  and what I might have done  I had not done  and what Agnes
was to me  I and her own noble heart had made her 

In the beginning of the change that gradually worked in me  when I
tried to get a better understanding of myself and be a better man 
I did glance  through some indefinite probation  to a period when
I might possibly hope to cancel the mistaken past  and to be so
blessed as to marry her   But  as time wore on  this shadowy
prospect faded  and departed from me   If she had ever loved me 
then  I should hold her the more sacred  remembering the
confidences I had reposed in her  her knowledge of my errant heart 
the sacrifice she must have made to be my friend and sister  and
the victory she had won   If she had never loved me  could I
believe that she would love me now 

I had always felt my weakness  in comparison with her constancy and
fortitude  and now I felt it more and more   Whatever I might have
been to her  or she to me  if I had been more worthy of her long
ago  I was not now  and she was not   The time was past   I had let
it go by  and had deservedly lost her 

That I suffered much in these contentions  that they filled me with
unhappiness and remorse  and yet that I had a sustaining sense that
it was required of me  in right and honour  to keep away from
myself  with shame  the thought of turning to the dear girl in the
withering of my hopes  from whom I had frivolously turned when they
were bright and fresh   which consideration was at the root of
every thought I had concerning her   is all equally true   I made
no effort to conceal from myself  now  that I loved her  that I was
devoted to her  but I brought the assurance home to myself  that it
was now too late  and that our long subsisting relation must be
undisturbed 

I had thought  much and often  of my Dora s shadowing out to me
what might have happened  in those years that were destined not to
try us  I had considered how the things that never happen  are
often as much realities to us  in their effects  as those that are
accomplished   The very years she spoke of  were realities now  for
my correction  and would have been  one day  a little later
perhaps  though we had parted in our earliest folly   I endeavoured
to convert what might have been between myself and Agnes  into a
means of making me more self denying  more resolved  more conscious
of myself  and my defects and errors   Thus  through the reflection
that it might have been  I arrived at the conviction that it could
never be 

These  with their perplexities and inconsistencies  were the
shifting quicksands of my mind  from the time of my departure to
the time of my return home  three years afterwards   Three years
had elapsed since the sailing of the emigrant ship  when  at that
same hour of sunset  and in the same place  I stood on the deck of
the packet vessel that brought me home  looking on the rosy water
where I had seen the image of that ship reflected 

Three years   Long in the aggregate  though short as they went by 
And home was very dear to me  and Agnes too   but she was not mine
  she was never to be mine   She might have been  but that was
past 



CHAPTER   
RETURN


I landed in London on a wintry autumn evening   It was dark and
raining  and I saw more fog and mud in a minute than I had seen in
a year   I walked from the Custom House to the Monument before I
found a coach  and although the very house fronts  looking on the
swollen gutters  were like old friends to me  I could not but admit
that they were very dingy friends 

I have often remarked   I suppose everybody has   that one s going
away from a familiar place  would seem to be the signal for change
in it   As I looked out of the coach window  and observed that an
old house on Fish street Hill  which had stood untouched by
painter  carpenter  or bricklayer  for a century  had been pulled
down in my absence  and that a neighbouring street  of
time honoured insalubrity and inconvenience  was being drained and
widened  I half expected to find St  Paul s Cathedral looking
older 

For some changes in the fortunes of my friends  I was prepared   My
aunt had long been re established at Dover  and Traddles had begun
to get into some little practice at the Bar  in the very first term
after my departure   He had chambers in Gray s Inn  now  and had
told me  in his last letters  that he was not without hopes of
being soon united to the dearest girl in the world 

They expected me home before Christmas  but had no idea of my
returning so soon   I had purposely misled them  that I might have
the pleasure of taking them by surprise   And yet  I was perverse
enough to feel a chill and disappointment in receiving no welcome 
and rattling  alone and silent  through the misty streets 

The well known shops  however  with their cheerful lights  did
something for me  and when I alighted at the door of the Gray s Inn
Coffee house  I had recovered my spirits   It recalled  at first 
that so different time when I had put up at the Golden Cross  and
reminded me of the changes that had come to pass since then  but
that was natural 

 Do you know where Mr  Traddles lives in the Inn   I asked the
waiter  as I warmed myself by the coffee room fire 

 Holborn Court  sir   Number two  

 Mr  Traddles has a rising reputation among the lawyers  I
believe   said I 

 Well  sir   returned the waiter   probably he has  sir  but I am
not aware of it myself  

This waiter  who was middle aged and spare  looked for help to a
waiter of more authority   a stout  potential old man  with a
double chin  in black breeches and stockings  who came out of a
place like a churchwarden s pew  at the end of the coffee room 
where he kept company with a cash box  a Directory  a Law list  and
other books and papers 

 Mr  Traddles   said the spare waiter    Number two in the Court  

The potential waiter waved him away  and turned  gravely  to me 

 I was inquiring   said I   whether Mr  Traddles  at number two in
the Court  has not a rising reputation among the lawyers  

 Never heard his name   said the waiter  in a rich husky voice 

I felt quite apologetic for Traddles 

 He s a young man  sure   said the portentous waiter  fixing his
eyes severely on me    How long has he been in the Inn  

 Not above three years   said I 

The waiter  who I supposed had lived in his churchwarden s pew for
forty years  could not pursue such an insignificant subject   He
asked me what I would have for dinner 

I felt I was in England again  and really was quite cast down on
Traddles s account   There seemed to be no hope for him   I meekly
ordered a bit of fish and a steak  and stood before the fire musing
on his obscurity 

As I followed the chief waiter with my eyes  I could not help
thinking that the garden in which he had gradually blown to be the
flower he was  was an arduous place to rise in   It had such a
prescriptive  stiff necked  long established  solemn  elderly air 
I glanced about the room  which had had its sanded floor sanded  no
doubt  in exactly the same manner when the chief waiter was a boy
  if he ever was a boy  which appeared improbable  and at the
shining tables  where I saw myself reflected  in unruffled depths
of old mahogany  and at the lamps  without a flaw in their trimming
or cleaning  and at the comfortable green curtains  with their pure
brass rods  snugly enclosing the boxes  and at the two large coal
fires  brightly burning  and at the rows of decanters  burly as if
with the consciousness of pipes of expensive old port wine below 
and both England  and the law  appeared to me to be very difficult
indeed to be taken by storm   I went up to my bedroom to change my
wet clothes  and the vast extent of that old wainscoted apartment
 which was over the archway leading to the Inn  I remember   and
the sedate immensity of the four post bedstead  and the indomitable
gravity of the chests of drawers  all seemed to unite in sternly
frowning on the fortunes of Traddles  or on any such daring youth 
I came down again to my dinner  and even the slow comfort of the
meal  and the orderly silence of the place   which was bare of
guests  the Long Vacation not yet being over   were eloquent on the
audacity of Traddles  and his small hopes of a livelihood for
twenty years to come 

I had seen nothing like this since I went away  and it quite dashed
my hopes for my friend   The chief waiter had had enough of me   He
came near me no more  but devoted himself to an old gentleman in
long gaiters  to meet whom a pint of special port seemed to come
out of the cellar of its own accord  for he gave no order   The
second waiter informed me  in a whisper  that this old gentleman
was a retired conveyancer living in the Square  and worth a mint of
money  which it was expected he would leave to his laundress s
daughter  likewise that it was rumoured that he had a service of
plate in a bureau  all tarnished with lying by  though more than
one spoon and a fork had never yet been beheld in his chambers by
mortal vision   By this time  I quite gave Traddles up for lost 
and settled in my own mind that there was no hope for him 

Being very anxious to see the dear old fellow  nevertheless  I
dispatched my dinner  in a manner not at all calculated to raise me
in the opinion of the chief waiter  and hurried out by the back
way   Number two in the Court was soon reached  and an inscription
on the door post informing me that Mr  Traddles occupied a set of
chambers on the top storey  I ascended the staircase   A crazy old
staircase I found it to be  feebly lighted on each landing by a
club  headed little oil wick  dying away in a little dungeon of
dirty glass 

In the course of my stumbling upstairs  I fancied I heard a
pleasant sound of laughter  and not the laughter of an attorney or
barrister  or attorney s clerk or barrister s clerk  but of two or
three merry girls   Happening  however  as I stopped to listen  to
put my foot in a hole where the Honourable Society of Gray s Inn
had left a plank deficient  I fell down with some noise  and when
I recovered my footing all was silent 

Groping my way more carefully  for the rest of the journey  my
heart beat high when I found the outer door  which had Mr  TRADDLES
painted on it  open   I knocked   A considerable scuffling within
ensued  but nothing else   I therefore knocked again 

A small sharp looking lad  half footboy and half clerk  who was
very much out of breath  but who looked at me as if he defied me to
prove it legally  presented himself 

 Is Mr  Traddles within   I said 

 Yes  sir  but he s engaged  

 I want to see him  

After a moment s survey of me  the sharp looking lad decided to let
me in  and opening the door wider for that purpose  admitted me 
first  into a little closet of a hall  and next into a little
sitting room  where I came into the presence of my old friend  also
out of breath   seated at a table  and bending over papers 

 Good God   cried Traddles  looking up    It s Copperfield   and
rushed into my arms  where I held him tight 

 All well  my dear Traddles  

 All well  my dear  dear Copperfield  and nothing but good news  

We cried with pleasure  both of us 

 My dear fellow   said Traddles  rumpling his hair in his
excitement  which was a most unnecessary operation   my dearest
Copperfield  my long lost and most welcome friend  how glad I am to
see you  How brown you are  How glad I am  Upon my life and honour 
I never was so rejoiced  my beloved Copperfield  never  

I was equally at a loss to express my emotions   I was quite unable
to speak  at first 

 My dear fellow   said Traddles    And grown so famous  My glorious
Copperfield  Good gracious me  WHEN did you come  WHERE have you
come from  WHAT have you been doing  

Never pausing for an answer to anything he said  Traddles  who had
clapped me into an easy chair by the fire  all this time
impetuously stirred the fire with one hand  and pulled at my
neck kerchief with the other  under some wild delusion that it was
a great coat   Without putting down the poker  he now hugged me
again  and I hugged him  and  both laughing  and both wiping our
eyes  we both sat down  and shook hands across the hearth 

 To think   said Traddles   that you should have been so nearly
coming home as you must have been  my dear old boy  and not at the
ceremony  

 What ceremony  my dear Traddles  

 Good gracious me   cried Traddles  opening his eyes in his old
way    Didn t you get my last letter  

 Certainly not  if it referred to any ceremony  

 Why  my dear Copperfield   said Traddles  sticking his hair
upright with both hands  and then putting his hands on my knees   I
am married  

 Married   I cried joyfully 

 Lord bless me  yes   said Traddles    by the Reverend Horace   to
Sophy   down in Devonshire   Why  my dear boy  she s behind the
window curtain  Look here  

To my amazement  the dearest girl in the world came at that same
instant  laughing and blushing  from her place of concealment   And
a more cheerful  amiable  honest  happy  bright looking bride  I
believe  as I could not help saying on the spot  the world never
saw   I kissed her as an old acquaintance should  and wished them
joy with all my might of heart 

 Dear me   said Traddles   what a delightful re union this is  You
are so extremely brown  my dear Copperfield  God bless my soul  how
happy I am  

 And so am I   said I 

 And I am sure I am   said the blushing and laughing Sophy 

 We are all as happy as possible   said Traddles    Even the girls
are happy   Dear me  I declare I forgot them  

 Forgot   said I 

 The girls   said Traddles    Sophy s sisters   They are staying
with us   They have come to have a peep at London   The fact is 
when   was it you that tumbled upstairs  Copperfield  

 It was   said I  laughing 

 Well then  when you tumbled upstairs   said Traddles   I was
romping with the girls   In point of fact  we were playing at Puss
in the Corner   But as that wouldn t do in Westminster Hall  and as
it wouldn t look quite professional if they were seen by a client 
they decamped   And they are now   listening  I have no doubt  
said Traddles  glancing at the door of another room 

 I am sorry   said I  laughing afresh   to have occasioned such a
dispersion  

 Upon my word   rejoined Traddles  greatly delighted   if you had
seen them running away  and running back again  after you had
knocked  to pick up the combs they had dropped out of their hair 
and going on in the maddest manner  you wouldn t have said so   My
love  will you fetch the girls  

Sophy tripped away  and we heard her received in the adjoining room
with a peal of laughter 

 Really musical  isn t it  my dear Copperfield   said Traddles 
 It s very agreeable to hear   It quite lights up these old rooms 
To an unfortunate bachelor of a fellow who has lived alone all his
life  you know  it s positively delicious   It s charming   Poor
things  they have had a great loss in Sophy   who  I do assure you 
Copperfield is  and ever was  the dearest girl    and it gratifies
me beyond expression to find them in such good spirits   The
society of girls is a very delightful thing  Copperfield   It s not
professional  but it s very delightful  

Observing that he slightly faltered  and comprehending that in the
goodness of his heart he was fearful of giving me some pain by what
he had said  I expressed my concurrence with a heartiness that
evidently relieved and pleased him greatly 

 But then   said Traddles   our domestic arrangements are  to say
the truth  quite unprofessional altogether  my dear Copperfield 
Even Sophy s being here  is unprofessional   And we have no other
place of abode   We have put to sea in a cockboat  but we are quite
prepared to rough it   And Sophy s an extraordinary manager  You ll
be surprised how those girls are stowed away   I am sure I hardly
know how it s done  

 Are many of the young ladies with you   I inquired 

 The eldest  the Beauty is here   said Traddles  in a low
confidential voice   Caroline   And Sarah s here   the one I
mentioned to you as having something the matter with her spine  you
know   Immensely better  And the two youngest that Sophy educated
are with us   And Louisa s here  

 Indeed   cried I 

 Yes   said Traddles    Now the whole set   I mean the chambers  
is only three rooms  but Sophy arranges for the girls in the most
wonderful way  and they sleep as comfortably as possible   Three in
that room   said Traddles  pointing    Two in that  

I could not help glancing round  in search of the accommodation
remaining for Mr  and Mrs  Traddles   Traddles understood me 

 Well   said Traddles   we are prepared to rough it  as I said just
now  and we did improvise a bed last week  upon the floor here 
But there s a little room in the roof   a very nice room  when
you re up there   which Sophy papered herself  to surprise me  and
that s our room at present   It s a capital little gipsy sort of
place   There s quite a view from it  

 And you are happily married at last  my dear Traddles   said I 
 How rejoiced I am  

 Thank you  my dear Copperfield   said Traddles  as we shook hands
once more    Yes  I am as happy as it s possible to be   There s
your old friend  you see   said Traddles  nodding triumphantly at
the flower pot and stand   and there s the table with the marble
top  All the other furniture is plain and serviceable  you
perceive   And as to plate  Lord bless you  we haven t so much as
a tea spoon  

 All to be earned   said I  cheerfully 

 Exactly so   replied Traddles   all to be earned   Of course we
have something in the shape of tea spoons  because we stir our tea 
But they re Britannia metal  

 The silver will be the brighter when it comes   said I 

 The very thing we say   cried Traddles    You see  my dear
Copperfield   falling again into the low confidential tone   after
I had delivered my argument in DOE dem   JIPES versus WIGZIELL 
which did me great service with the profession  I went down into
Devonshire  and had some serious conversation in private with the
Reverend Horace   I dwelt upon the fact that Sophy   who I do
assure you  Copperfield  is the dearest girl    

 I am certain she is   said I 

 She is  indeed   rejoined Traddles    But I am afraid I am
wandering from the subject   Did I mention the Reverend Horace  

 You said that you dwelt upon the fact   

 True  Upon the fact that Sophy and I had been engaged for a long
period  and that Sophy  with the permission of her parents  was
more than content to take me   in short   said Traddles  with his
old frank smile   on our present Britannia metal footing   Very
well   I then proposed to the Reverend Horace   who is a most
excellent clergyman  Copperfield  and ought to be a Bishop  or at
least ought to have enough to live upon  without pinching himself
  that if I could turn the corner  say of two hundred and fifty
pounds  in one year  and could see my way pretty clearly to that 
or something better  next year  and could plainly furnish a little
place like this  besides  then  and in that case  Sophy and I
should be united   I took the liberty of representing that we had
been patient for a good many years  and that the circumstance of
Sophy s being extraordinarily useful at home  ought not to operate
with her affectionate parents  against her establishment in life  
don t you see  

 Certainly it ought not   said I 

 I am glad you think so  Copperfield   rejoined Traddles   because 
without any imputation on the Reverend Horace  I do think parents 
and brothers  and so forth  are sometimes rather selfish in such
cases   Well  I also pointed out  that my most earnest desire was 
to be useful to the family  and that if I got on in the world  and
anything should happen to him   I refer to the Reverend Horace   

 I understand   said I 

   Or to Mrs  Crewler   it would be the utmost gratification of my
wishes  to be a parent to the girls   He replied in a most
admirable manner  exceedingly flattering to my feelings  and
undertook to obtain the consent of Mrs  Crewler to this
arrangement   They had a dreadful time of it with her   It mounted
from her legs into her chest  and then into her head   

 What mounted   I asked 

 Her grief   replied Traddles  with a serious look    Her feelings
generally   As I mentioned on a former occasion  she is a very
superior woman  but has lost the use of her limbs   Whatever occurs
to harass her  usually settles in her legs  but on this occasion it
mounted to the chest  and then to the head  and  in short  pervaded
the whole system in a most alarming manner   However  they brought
her through it by unremitting and affectionate attention  and we
were married yesterday six weeks   You have no idea what a Monster
I felt  Copperfield  when I saw the whole family crying and
fainting away in every direction  Mrs  Crewler couldn t see me
before we left   couldn t forgive me  then  for depriving her of
her child   but she is a good creature  and has done so since   I
had a delightful letter from her  only this morning  

 And in short  my dear friend   said I   you feel as blest as you
deserve to feel  

 Oh  That s your partiality   laughed Traddles    But  indeed  I am
in a most enviable state   I work hard  and read Law insatiably 
I get up at five every morning  and don t mind it at all   I hide
the girls in the daytime  and make merry with them in the evening 
And I assure you I am quite sorry that they are going home on
Tuesday  which is the day before the first day of Michaelmas Term 
But here   said Traddles  breaking off in his confidence  and
speaking aloud   ARE the girls  Mr  Copperfield  Miss Crewler  
Miss Sarah   Miss Louisa   Margaret and Lucy  

They were a perfect nest of roses  they looked so wholesome and
fresh   They were all pretty  and Miss Caroline was very handsome 
but there was a loving  cheerful  fireside quality in Sophy s
bright looks  which was better than that  and which assured me that
my friend had chosen well   We all sat round the fire  while the
sharp boy  who I now divined had lost his breath in putting the
papers out  cleared them away again  and produced the tea things 
After that  he retired for the night  shutting the outer door upon
us with a bang   Mrs  Traddles  with perfect pleasure and composure
beaming from her household eyes  having made the tea  then quietly
made the toast as she sat in a corner by the fire 

She had seen Agnes  she told me while she was toasting    Tom  had
taken her down into Kent for a wedding trip  and there she had seen
my aunt  too  and both my aunt and Agnes were well  and they had
all talked of nothing but me    Tom  had never had me out of his
thoughts  she really believed  all the time I had been away    Tom 
was the authority for everything    Tom  was evidently the idol of
her life  never to be shaken on his pedestal by any commotion 
always to be believed in  and done homage to with the whole faith
of her heart  come what might 

The deference which both she and Traddles showed towards the
Beauty  pleased me very much   I don t know that I thought it very
reasonable  but I thought it very delightful  and essentially a
part of their character   If Traddles ever for an instant missed
the tea spoons that were still to be won  I have no doubt it was
when he handed the Beauty her tea   If his sweet tempered wife
could have got up any self assertion against anyone  I am satisfied
it could only have been because she was the Beauty s sister   A few
slight indications of a rather petted and capricious manner  which
I observed in the Beauty  were manifestly considered  by Traddles
and his wife  as her birthright and natural endowment   If she had
been born a Queen Bee  and they labouring Bees  they could not have
been more satisfied of that 

But their self forgetfulness charmed me   Their pride in these
girls  and their submission of themselves to all their whims  was
the pleasantest little testimony to their own worth I could have
desired to see   If Traddles were addressed as  a darling   once in
the course of that evening  and besought to bring something here 
or carry something there  or take something up  or put something
down  or find something  or fetch something  he was so addressed 
by one or other of his sisters in law  at least twelve times in an
hour   Neither could they do anything without Sophy   Somebody s
hair fell down  and nobody but Sophy could put it up   Somebody
forgot how a particular tune went  and nobody but Sophy could hum
that tune right   Somebody wanted to recall the name of a place in
Devonshire  and only Sophy knew it   Something was wanted to be
written home  and Sophy alone could be trusted to write before
breakfast in the morning   Somebody broke down in a piece of
knitting  and no one but Sophy was able to put the defaulter in the
right direction   They were entire mistresses of the place  and
Sophy and Traddles waited on them   How many children Sophy could
have taken care of in her time  I can t imagine  but she seemed to
be famous for knowing every sort of song that ever was addressed to
a child in the English tongue  and she sang dozens to order with
the clearest little voice in the world  one after another  every
sister issuing directions for a different tune  and the Beauty
generally striking in last   so that I was quite fascinated   The
best of all was  that  in the midst of their exactions  all the
sisters had a great tenderness and respect both for Sophy and
Traddles   I am sure  when I took my leave  and Traddles was coming
out to walk with me to the coffee house  I thought I had never seen
an obstinate head of hair  or any other head of hair  rolling about
in such a shower of kisses 

Altogether  it was a scene I could not help dwelling on with
pleasure  for a long time after I got back and had wished Traddles
good night   If I had beheld a thousand roses blowing in a top set
of chambers  in that withered Gray s Inn  they could not have
brightened it half so much   The idea of those Devonshire girls 
among the dry law stationers and the attorneys  offices  and of the
tea and toast  and children s songs  in that grim atmosphere of
pounce and parchment  red tape  dusty wafers  ink jars  brief and
draft paper  law reports  writs  declarations  and bills of costs 
seemed almost as pleasantly fanciful as if I had dreamed that the
Sultan s famous family had been admitted on the roll of attorneys 
and had brought the talking bird  the singing tree  and the golden
water into Gray s Inn Hall   Somehow  I found that I had taken
leave of Traddles for the night  and come back to the coffee house 
with a great change in my despondency about him   I began to think
he would get on  in spite of all the many orders of chief waiters
in England 

Drawing a chair before one of the coffee room fires to think about
him at my leisure  I gradually fell from the consideration of his
happiness to tracing prospects in the live coals  and to thinking 
as they broke and changed  of the principal vicissitudes and
separations that had marked my life   I had not seen a coal fire 
since I had left England three years ago  though many a wood fire
had I watched  as it crumbled into hoary ashes  and mingled with
the feathery heap upon the hearth  which not inaptly figured to me 
in my despondency  my own dead hopes 

I could think of the past now  gravely  but not bitterly  and could
contemplate the future in a brave spirit   Home  in its best sense 
was for me no more   She in whom I might have inspired a dearer
love  I had taught to be my sister   She would marry  and would
have new claimants on her tenderness  and in doing it  would never
know the love for her that had grown up in my heart   It was right
that I should pay the forfeit of my headlong passion   What I
reaped  I had sown 

I was thinking   And had I truly disciplined my heart to this  and
could I resolutely bear it  and calmly hold the place in her home
which she had calmly held in mine    when I found my eyes resting
on a countenance that might have arisen out of the fire  in its
association with my early remembrances 

Little Mr  Chillip the Doctor  to whose good offices I was indebted
in the very first chapter of this history  sat reading a newspaper
in the shadow of an opposite corner   He was tolerably stricken in
years by this time  but  being a mild  meek  calm little man  had
worn so easily  that I thought he looked at that moment just as he
might have looked when he sat in our parlour  waiting for me to be
born 

Mr  Chillip had left Blunderstone six or seven years ago  and I had
never seen him since   He sat placidly perusing the newspaper  with
his little head on one side  and a glass of warm sherry negus at
his elbow   He was so extremely conciliatory in his manner that he
seemed to apologize to the very newspaper for taking the liberty of
reading it 

I walked up to where he was sitting  and said   How do you do  Mr 
Chillip  

He was greatly fluttered by this unexpected address from a
stranger  and replied  in his slow way   I thank you  sir  you are
very good   Thank you  sir   I hope YOU are well  

 You don t remember me   said I 

 Well  sir   returned Mr  Chillip  smiling very meekly  and shaking
his head as he surveyed me   I have a kind of an impression that
something in your countenance is familiar to me  sir  but I
couldn t lay my hand upon your name  really  

 And yet you knew it  long before I knew it myself   I returned 

 Did I indeed  sir   said Mr  Chillip    Is it possible that I had
the honour  sir  of officiating when    

 Yes   said I 

 Dear me   cried Mr  Chillip    But no doubt you are a good deal
changed since then  sir  

 Probably   said I 

 Well  sir   observed Mr  Chillip   I hope you ll excuse me  if I
am compelled to ask the favour of your name  

On my telling him my name  he was really moved   He quite shook
hands with me   which was a violent proceeding for him  his usual
course being to slide a tepid little fish slice  an inch or two in
advance of his hip  and evince the greatest discomposure when
anybody grappled with it   Even now  he put his hand in his
coat pocket as soon as he could disengage it  and seemed relieved
when he had got it safe back 

 Dear me  sir   said Mr  Chillip  surveying me with his head on one
side    And it s Mr  Copperfield  is it   Well  sir  I think I
should have known you  if I had taken the liberty of looking more
closely at you   There s a strong resemblance between you and your
poor father  sir  

 I never had the happiness of seeing my father   I observed 

 Very true  sir   said Mr  Chillip  in a soothing tone    And very
much to be deplored it was  on all accounts  We are not ignorant 
sir   said Mr  Chillip  slowly shaking his little head again   down
in our part of the country  of your fame   There must be great
excitement here  sir   said Mr  Chillip  tapping himself on the
forehead with his forefinger    You must find it a trying
occupation  sir  

 What is your part of the country now   I asked  seating myself
near him 

 I am established within a few miles of Bury St  Edmund s  sir  
said Mr  Chillip    Mrs  Chillip  coming into a little property in
that neighbourhood  under her father s will  I bought a practice
down there  in which you will be glad to hear I am doing well   My
daughter is growing quite a tall lass now  sir   said Mr  Chillip 
giving his little head another little shake    Her mother let down
two tucks in her frocks only last week   Such is time  you see 
sir  

As the little man put his now empty glass to his lips  when he made
this reflection  I proposed to him to have it refilled  and I would
keep him company with another    Well  sir   he returned  in his
slow way   it s more than I am accustomed to  but I can t deny
myself the pleasure of your conversation   It seems but yesterday
that I had the honour of attending you in the measles   You came
through them charmingly  sir  

I acknowledged this compliment  and ordered the negus  which was
soon produced    Quite an uncommon dissipation   said Mr  Chillip 
stirring it   but I can t resist so extraordinary an occasion   You
have no family  sir  

I shook my head 

 I was aware that you sustained a bereavement  sir  some time ago  
said Mr  Chillip    I heard it from your father in law s sister 
Very decided character there  sir  

 Why  yes   said I   decided enough   Where did you see her  Mr 
Chillip  

 Are you not aware  sir   returned Mr  Chillip  with his placidest
smile   that your father in law is again a neighbour of mine  

 No   said I 

 He is indeed  sir   said Mr  Chillip    Married a young lady of
that part  with a very good little property  poor thing     And
this action of the brain now  sir   Don t you find it fatigue you  
said Mr  Chillip  looking at me like an admiring Robin 

I waived that question  and returned to the Murdstones    I was
aware of his being married again   Do you attend the family   I
asked 

 Not regularly   I have been called in   he replied    Strong
phrenological developments of the organ of firmness  in Mr 
Murdstone and his sister  sir  

I replied with such an expressive look  that Mr  Chillip was
emboldened by that  and the negus together  to give his head
several short shakes  and thoughtfully exclaim   Ah  dear me  We
remember old times  Mr  Copperfield  

 And the brother and sister are pursuing their old course  are
they   said I 

 Well  sir   replied Mr  Chillip   a medical man  being so much in
families  ought to have neither eyes nor ears for anything but his
profession   Still  I must say  they are very severe  sir  both as
to this life and the next  

 The next will be regulated without much reference to them  I dare
say   I returned   what are they doing as to this  

Mr  Chillip shook his head  stirred his negus  and sipped it 

 She was a charming woman  sir   he observed in a plaintive manner 

 The present Mrs  Murdstone  

A charming woman indeed  sir   said Mr  Chillip   as amiable  I am
sure  as it was possible to be  Mrs  Chillip s opinion is  that her
spirit has been entirely broken since her marriage  and that she is
all but melancholy mad   And the ladies   observed Mr  Chillip 
timorously   are great observers  sir  

 I suppose she was to be subdued and broken to their detestable
mould  Heaven help her   said I    And she has been  

 Well  sir  there were violent quarrels at first  I assure you  
said Mr  Chillip   but she is quite a shadow now   Would it be
considered forward if I was to say to you  sir  in confidence  that
since the sister came to help  the brother and sister between them
have nearly reduced her to a state of imbecility  

I told him I could easily believe it 

 I have no hesitation in saying   said Mr  Chillip  fortifying
himself with another sip of negus   between you and me  sir  that
her mother died of it   or that tyranny  gloom  and worry have made
Mrs  Murdstone nearly imbecile   She was a lively young woman  sir 
before marriage  and their gloom and austerity destroyed her   They
go about with her  now  more like her keepers than her husband and
sister in law   That was Mrs  Chillip s remark to me  only last
week   And I assure you  sir  the ladies are great observers   Mrs 
Chillip herself is a great observer  

 Does he gloomily profess to be  I am ashamed to use the word in
such association  religious still   I inquired 

 You anticipate  sir   said Mr  Chillip  his eyelids getting quite
red with the unwonted stimulus in which he was indulging    One of
Mrs  Chillip s most impressive remarks   Mrs  Chillip   he
proceeded  in the calmest and slowest manner   quite electrified
me  by pointing out that Mr  Murdstone sets up an image of himself 
and calls it the Divine Nature   You might have knocked me down on
the flat of my back  sir  with the feather of a pen  I assure you 
when Mrs  Chillip said so   The ladies are great observers  sir  

 Intuitively   said I  to his extreme delight 

 I am very happy to receive such support in my opinion  sir   he
rejoined    It is not often that I venture to give a non medical
opinion  I assure you   Mr  Murdstone delivers public addresses
sometimes  and it is said    in short  sir  it is said by Mrs 
Chillip    that the darker tyrant he has lately been  the more
ferocious is his doctrine  

 I believe Mrs  Chillip to be perfectly right   said I 

 Mrs  Chillip does go so far as to say   pursued the meekest of
little men  much encouraged   that what such people miscall their
religion  is a vent for their bad humours and arrogance   And do
you know I must say  sir   he continued  mildly laying his head on
one side   that I DON T find authority for Mr  and Miss Murdstone
in the New Testament  

 I never found it either   said I 

 In the meantime  sir   said Mr  Chillip   they are much disliked 
and as they are very free in consigning everybody who dislikes them
to perdition  we really have a good deal of perdition going on in
our neighbourhood  However  as Mrs  Chillip says  sir  they undergo
a continual punishment  for they are turned inward  to feed upon
their own hearts  and their own hearts are very bad feeding   Now 
sir  about that brain of yours  if you ll excuse my returning to
it   Don t you expose it to a good deal of excitement  sir  

I found it not difficult  in the excitement of Mr  Chillip s own
brain  under his potations of negus  to divert his attention from
this topic to his own affairs  on which  for the next half hour  he
was quite loquacious  giving me to understand  among other pieces
of information  that he was then at the Gray s Inn Coffee house to
lay his professional evidence before a Commission of Lunacy 
touching the state of mind of a patient who had become deranged
from excessive drinking 
 And I assure you  sir   he said   I am extremely nervous on such
occasions   I could not support being what is called Bullied  sir 
It would quite unman me   Do you know it was some time before I
recovered the conduct of that alarming lady  on the night of your
birth  Mr  Copperfield  

I told him that I was going down to my aunt  the Dragon of that
night  early in the morning  and that she was one of the most
tender hearted and excellent of women  as he would know full well
if he knew her better   The mere notion of the possibility of his
ever seeing her again  appeared to terrify him   He replied with a
small pale smile   Is she so  indeed  sir   Really   and almost
immediately called for a candle  and went to bed  as if he were not
quite safe anywhere else   He did not actually stagger under the
negus  but I should think his placid little pulse must have made
two or three more beats in a minute  than it had done since the
great night of my aunt s disappointment  when she struck at him
with her bonnet 

Thoroughly tired  I went to bed too  at midnight  passed the next
day on the Dover coach  burst safe and sound into my aunt s old
parlour while she was at tea  she wore spectacles now   and was
received by her  and Mr  Dick  and dear old Peggotty  who acted as
housekeeper  with open arms and tears of joy   My aunt was mightily
amused  when we began to talk composedly  by my account of my
meeting with Mr  Chillip  and of his holding her in such dread
remembrance  and both she and Peggotty had a great deal to say
about my poor mother s second husband  and  that murdering woman of
a sister     on whom I think no pain or penalty would have induced
my aunt to bestow any Christian or Proper Name  or any other
designation 



CHAPTER   
AGNES


My aunt and I  when we were left alone  talked far into the night 
How the emigrants never wrote home  otherwise than cheerfully and
hopefully  how Mr  Micawber had actually remitted divers small sums
of money  on account of those  pecuniary liabilities   in reference
to which he had been so business like as between man and man  how
Janet  returning into my aunt s service when she came back to
Dover  had finally carried out her renunciation of mankind by
entering into wedlock with a thriving tavern keeper  and how my
aunt had finally set her seal on the same great principle  by
aiding and abetting the bride  and crowning the marriage ceremony
with her presence  were among our topics   already more or less
familiar to me through the letters I had had   Mr  Dick  as usual 
was not forgotten   My aunt informed me how he incessantly occupied
himself in copying everything he could lay his hands on  and kept
King Charles the First at a respectful distance by that semblance
of employment  how it was one of the main joys and rewards of her
life that he was free and happy  instead of pining in monotonous
restraint  and how  as a novel general conclusion  nobody but she
could ever fully know what he was 

 And when  Trot   said my aunt  patting the back of my hand  as we
sat in our old way before the fire   when are you going over to
Canterbury  

 I shall get a horse  and ride over tomorrow morning  aunt  unless
you will go with me  

 No   said my aunt  in her short abrupt way    I mean to stay where
I am  

Then  I should ride  I said   I could not have come through
Canterbury today without stopping  if I had been coming to anyone
but her 

She was pleased  but answered   Tut  Trot  MY old bones would have
kept till tomorrow   and softly patted my hand again  as I sat
looking thoughtfully at the fire 

Thoughtfully  for I could not be here once more  and so near Agnes 
without the revival of those regrets with which I had so long been
occupied   Softened regrets they might be  teaching me what I had
failed to learn when my younger life was all before me  but not the
less regrets    Oh  Trot   I seemed to hear my aunt say once more 
and I understood her better now    Blind  blind  blind  

We both kept silence for some minutes   When I raised my eyes  I
found that she was steadily observant of me   Perhaps she had
followed the current of my mind  for it seemed to me an easy one to
track now  wilful as it had been once 

 You will find her father a white haired old man   said my aunt 
 though a better man in all other respects   a reclaimed man 
Neither will you find him measuring all human interests  and joys 
and sorrows  with his one poor little inch rule now   Trust me 
child  such things must shrink very much  before they can be
measured off in that way  

 Indeed they must   said I 

 You will find her   pursued my aunt   as good  as beautiful  as
earnest  as disinterested  as she has always been   If I knew
higher praise  Trot  I would bestow it on her  

There was no higher praise for her  no higher reproach for me   Oh 
how had I strayed so far away 

 If she trains the young girls whom she has about her  to be like
herself   said my aunt  earnest even to the filling of her eyes
with tears   Heaven knows  her life will be well employed  Useful
and happy  as she said that day  How could she be otherwise than
useful and happy  

 Has Agnes any    I was thinking aloud  rather than speaking 

 Well   Hey   Any what   said my aunt  sharply 

 Any lover   said I 

 A score   cried my aunt  with a kind of indignant pride    She
might have married twenty times  my dear  since you have been
gone  

 No doubt   said I    No doubt   But has she any lover who is
worthy of her   Agnes could care for no other  

My aunt sat musing for a little while  with her chin upon her hand 
Slowly raising her eyes to mine  she said 

 I suspect she has an attachment  Trot  

 A prosperous one   said I 

 Trot   returned my aunt gravely   I can t say   I have no right to
tell you even so much   She has never confided it to me  but I
suspect it  

She looked so attentively and anxiously at me  I even saw her
tremble   that I felt now  more than ever  that she had followed my
late thoughts   I summoned all the resolutions I had made  in all
those many days and nights  and all those many conflicts of my
heart 

 If it should be so   I began   and I hope it is  

 I don t know that it is   said my aunt curtly    You must not be
ruled by my suspicions   You must keep them secret   They are very
slight  perhaps   I have no right to speak  

 If it should be so   I repeated   Agnes will tell me at her own
good time   A sister to whom I have confided so much  aunt  will
not be reluctant to confide in me  

My aunt withdrew her eyes from mine  as slowly as she had turned
them upon me  and covered them thoughtfully with her hand   By and
by she put her other hand on my shoulder  and so we both sat 
looking into the past  without saying another word  until we parted
for the night 

I rode away  early in the morning  for the scene of my old
school days   I cannot say that I was yet quite happy  in the hope
that I was gaining a victory over myself  even in the prospect of
so soon looking on her face again 

The well remembered ground was soon traversed  and I came into the
quiet streets  where every stone was a boy s book to me   I went on
foot to the old house  and went away with a heart too full to
enter   I returned  and looking  as I passed  through the low
window of the turret room where first Uriah Heep  and afterwards
Mr  Micawber  had been wont to sit  saw that it was a little
parlour now  and that there was no office   Otherwise the staid old
house was  as to its cleanliness and order  still just as it had
been when I first saw it   I requested the new maid who admitted
me  to tell Miss Wickfield that a gentleman who waited on her from
a friend abroad  was there  and I was shown up the grave old
staircase  cautioned of the steps I knew so well   into the
unchanged drawing room   The books that Agnes and I had read
together  were on their shelves  and the desk where I had laboured
at my lessons  many a night  stood yet at the same old corner of
the table   All the little changes that had crept in when the Heeps
were there  were changed again   Everything was as it used to be 
in the happy time 

I stood in a window  and looked across the ancient street at the
opposite houses  recalling how I had watched them on wet
afternoons  when I first came there  and how I had used to
speculate about the people who appeared at any of the windows  and
had followed them with my eyes up and down stairs  while women went
clicking along the pavement in pattens  and the dull rain fell in
slanting lines  and poured out of the water spout yonder  and
flowed into the road   The feeling with which I used to watch the
tramps  as they came into the town on those wet evenings  at dusk 
and limped past  with their bundles drooping over their shoulders
at the ends of sticks  came freshly back to me  fraught  as then 
with the smell of damp earth  and wet leaves and briar  and the
sensation of the very airs that blew upon me in my own toilsome
journey 

The opening of the little door in the panelled wall made me start
and turn   Her beautiful serene eyes met mine as she came towards
me   She stopped and laid her hand upon her bosom  and I caught her
in my arms 

 Agnes  my dear girl  I have come too suddenly upon you  

 No  no  I am so rejoiced to see you  Trotwood  

 Dear Agnes  the happiness it is to me  to see you once again  

I folded her to my heart  and  for a little while  we were both
silent   Presently we sat down  side by side  and her angel face
was turned upon me with the welcome I had dreamed of  waking and
sleeping  for whole years 

She was so true  she was so beautiful  she was so good    I owed
her so much gratitude  she was so dear to me  that I could find no
utterance for what I felt   I tried to bless her  tried to thank
her  tried to tell her  as I had often done in letters  what an
influence she had upon me  but all my efforts were in vain   My
love and joy were dumb 

With her own sweet tranquillity  she calmed my agitation  led me
back to the time of our parting  spoke to me of Emily  whom she had
visited  in secret  many times  spoke to me tenderly of Dora s
grave   With the unerring instinct of her noble heart  she touched
the chords of my memory so softly and harmoniously  that not one
jarred within me  I could listen to the sorrowful  distant music 
and desire to shrink from nothing it awoke   How could I  when 
blended with it all  was her dear self  the better angel of my
life 

 And you  Agnes   I said  by and by    Tell me of yourself   You
have hardly ever told me of your own life  in all this lapse of
time  

 What should I tell   she answered  with her radiant smile    Papa
is well   You see us here  quiet in our own home  our anxieties set
at rest  our home restored to us  and knowing that  dear Trotwood 
you know all  

 All  Agnes   said I 

She looked at me  with some fluttering wonder in her face 

 Is there nothing else  Sister   I said 

Her colour  which had just now faded  returned  and faded again 
She smiled  with a quiet sadness  I thought  and shook her head 

I had sought to lead her to what my aunt had hinted at  for 
sharply painful to me as it must be to receive that confidence  I
was to discipline my heart  and do my duty to her   I saw  however 
that she was uneasy  and I let it pass 

 You have much to do  dear Agnes  

 With my school   said she  looking up again  in all her bright
composure 

 Yes   It is laborious  is it not  

 The labour is so pleasant   she returned   that it is scarcely
grateful in me to call it by that name  

 Nothing good is difficult to you   said I 

Her colour came and went once more  and once more  as she bent her
head  I saw the same sad smile 

 You will wait and see papa   said Agnes  cheerfully   and pass the
day with us   Perhaps you will sleep in your own room   We always
call it yours  

I could not do that  having promised to ride back to my aunt s at
night  but I would pass the day there  joyfully 

 I must be a prisoner for a little while   said Agnes   but here
are the old books  Trotwood  and the old music  

 Even the old flowers are here   said I  looking round   or the old
kinds  

 I have found a pleasure   returned Agnes  smiling   while you have
been absent  in keeping everything as it used to be when we were
children   For we were very happy then  I think  

 Heaven knows we were   said I 

 And every little thing that has reminded me of my brother   said
Agnes  with her cordial eyes turned cheerfully upon me   has been
a welcome companion   Even this   showing me the basket trifle 
full of keys  still hanging at her side   seems to jingle a kind of
old tune  

She smiled again  and went out at the door by which she had come 

It was for me to guard this sisterly affection with religious care 
It was all that I had left myself  and it was a treasure   If I
once shook the foundations of the sacred confidence and usage  in
virtue of which it was given to me  it was lost  and could never be
recovered   I set this steadily before myself   The better I loved
her  the more it behoved me never to forget it 

I walked through the streets  and  once more seeing my old
adversary the butcher   now a constable  with his staff hanging up
in the shop   went down to look at the place where I had fought
him  and there meditated on Miss Shepherd and the eldest Miss
Larkins  and all the idle loves and likings  and dislikings  of
that time   Nothing seemed to have survived that time but Agnes 
and she  ever a star above me  was brighter and higher 

When I returned  Mr  Wickfield had come home  from a garden he had 
a couple of miles or so out of town  where he now employed himself
almost every day   I found him as my aunt had described him   We
sat down to dinner  with some half dozen little girls  and he
seemed but the shadow of his handsome picture on the wall 

The tranquillity and peace belonging  of old  to that quiet ground
in my memory  pervaded it again   When dinner was done  Mr 
Wickfield taking no wine  and I desiring none  we went up stairs 
where Agnes and her little charges sang and played  and worked 
After tea the children left us  and we three sat together  talking
of the bygone days 

 My part in them   said Mr  Wickfield  shaking his white head   has
much matter for regret   for deep regret  and deep contrition 
Trotwood  you well know   But I would not cancel it  if it were in
my power  

I could readily believe that  looking at the face beside him 

 I should cancel with it   he pursued   such patience and devotion 
such fidelity  such a child s love  as I must not forget  no  even
to forget myself  

 I understand you  sir   I softly said    I hold it   I have always
held it   in veneration  

 But no one knows  not even you   he returned   how much she has
done  how much she has undergone  how hard she has striven   Dear
Agnes  

She had put her hand entreatingly on his arm  to stop him  and was
very  very pale 

 Well  well   he said with a sigh  dismissing  as I then saw  some
trial she had borne  or was yet to bear  in connexion with what my
aunt had told me    Well  I have never told you  Trotwood  of her
mother   Has anyone  

 Never  sir  

 It s not much   though it was much to suffer   She married me in
opposition to her father s wish  and he renounced her   She prayed
him to forgive her  before my Agnes came into this world   He was
a very hard man  and her mother had long been dead   He repulsed
her   He broke her heart  

Agnes leaned upon his shoulder  and stole her arm about his neck 

 She had an affectionate and gentle heart   he said   and it was
broken   I knew its tender nature very well   No one could  if I
did not   She loved me dearly  but was never happy   She was always
labouring  in secret  under this distress  and being delicate and
downcast at the time of his last repulse   for it was not the
first  by many   pined away and died   She left me Agnes  two weeks
old  and the grey hair that you recollect me with  when you first
came    He kissed Agnes on her cheek 

 My love for my dear child was a diseased love  but my mind was all
unhealthy then   I say no more of that   I am not speaking of
myself  Trotwood  but of her mother  and of her   If I give you any
clue to what I am  or to what I have been  you will unravel it  I
know   What Agnes is  I need not say   I have always read something
of her poor mother s story  in her character  and so I tell it you
tonight  when we three are again together  after such great
changes   I have told it all  

His bowed head  and her angel face and filial duty  derived a more
pathetic meaning from it than they had had before   If I had wanted
anything by which to mark this night of our re union  I should have
found it in this 

Agnes rose up from her father s side  before long  and going softly
to her piano  played some of the old airs to which we had often
listened in that place 

 Have you any intention of going away again   Agnes asked me  as I
was standing by 

 What does my sister say to that  

 I hope not  

 Then I have no such intention  Agnes  

 I think you ought not  Trotwood  since you ask me   she said 
mildly    Your growing reputation and success enlarge your power of
doing good  and if I could spare my brother   with her eyes upon
me   perhaps the time could not  

 What I am  you have made me  Agnes   You should know best  

 I made you  Trotwood  

 Yes  Agnes  my dear girl   I said  bending over her    I tried to
tell you  when we met today  something that has been in my thoughts
since Dora died   You remember  when you came down to me in our
little room   pointing upward  Agnes  

 Oh  Trotwood   she returned  her eyes filled with tears    So
loving  so confiding  and so young  Can I ever forget  

 As you were then  my sister  I have often thought since  you have
ever been to me   Ever pointing upward  Agnes  ever leading me to
something better  ever directing me to higher things  

She only shook her head  through her tears I saw the same sad quiet
smile 

 And I am so grateful to you for it  Agnes  so bound to you  that
there is no name for the affection of my heart   I want you to
know  yet don t know how to tell you  that all my life long I shall
look up to you  and be guided by you  as I have been through the
darkness that is past   Whatever betides  whatever new ties you may
form  whatever changes may come between us  I shall always look to
you  and love you  as I do now  and have always done   You will
always be my solace and resource  as you have always been   Until
I die  my dearest sister  I shall see you always before me 
pointing upward  

She put her hand in mine  and told me she was proud of me  and of
what I said  although I praised her very far beyond her worth 
Then she went on softly playing  but without removing her eyes from
me 
 Do you know  what I have heard tonight  Agnes   said I  strangely
seems to be a part of the feeling with which I regarded you when I
saw you first   with which I sat beside you in my rough
school days  

 You knew I had no mother   she replied with a smile   and felt
kindly towards me  

 More than that  Agnes  I knew  almost as if I had known this
story  that there was something inexplicably gentle and softened 
surrounding you  something that might have been sorrowful in
someone else  as I can now understand it was   but was not so in
you  

She softly played on  looking at me still 

 Will you laugh at my cherishing such fancies  Agnes  

 No  

 Or at my saying that I really believe I felt  even then  that you
could be faithfully affectionate against all discouragement  and
never cease to be so  until you ceased to live     Will you laugh
at such a dream  

 Oh  no  Oh  no  

For an instant  a distressful shadow crossed her face  but  even in
the start it gave me  it was gone  and she was playing on  and
looking at me with her own calm smile 

As I rode back in the lonely night  the wind going by me like a
restless memory  I thought of this  and feared she was not happy 
I was not happy  but  thus far  I had faithfully set the seal upon
the Past  and  thinking of her  pointing upward  thought of her as
pointing to that sky above me  where  in the mystery to come  I
might yet love her with a love unknown on earth  and tell her what
the strife had been within me when I loved her here 



CHAPTER   
I AM SHOWN TWO INTERESTING PENITENTS


For a time   at all events until my book should be completed  which
would be the work of several months   I took up my abode in my
aunt s house at Dover  and there  sitting in the window from which
I had looked out at the moon upon the sea  when that roof first
gave me shelter  I quietly pursued my task 

In pursuance of my intention of referring to my own fictions only
when their course should incidentally connect itself with the
progress of my story  I do not enter on the aspirations  the
delights  anxieties  and triumphs of my art   That I truly devoted
myself to it with my strongest earnestness  and bestowed upon it
every energy of my soul  I have already said   If the books I have
written be of any worth  they will supply the rest   I shall
otherwise have written to poor purpose  and the rest will be of
interest to no one 

Occasionally  I went to London  to lose myself in the swarm of life
there  or to consult with Traddles on some business point   He had
managed for me  in my absence  with the soundest judgement  and my
worldly affairs were prospering   As my notoriety began to bring
upon me an enormous quantity of letters from people of whom I had
no knowledge   chiefly about nothing  and extremely difficult to
answer   I agreed with Traddles to have my name painted up on his
door   There  the devoted postman on that beat delivered bushels of
letters for me  and there  at intervals  I laboured through them 
like a Home Secretary of State without the salary 

Among this correspondence  there dropped in  every now and then  an
obliging proposal from one of the numerous outsiders always lurking
about the Commons  to practise under cover of my name  if I would
take the necessary steps remaining to make a proctor of myself  
and pay me a percentage on the profits   But I declined these
offers  being already aware that there were plenty of such covert
practitioners in existence  and considering the Commons quite bad
enough  without my doing anything to make it worse 

The girls had gone home  when my name burst into bloom on
Traddles s door  and the sharp boy looked  all day  as if he had
never heard of Sophy  shut up in a back room  glancing down from
her work into a sooty little strip of garden with a pump in it 
But there I always found her  the same bright housewife  often
humming her Devonshire ballads when no strange foot was coming up
the stairs  and blunting the sharp boy in his official closet with
melody 

I wondered  at first  why I so often found Sophy writing in a
copy book  and why she always shut it up when I appeared  and
hurried it into the table drawer   But the secret soon came out 
One day  Traddles  who had just come home through the drizzling
sleet from Court  took a paper out of his desk  and asked me what
I thought of that handwriting 

 Oh  DON T  Tom   cried Sophy  who was warming his slippers before
the fire 

 My dear   returned Tom  in a delighted state   why not   What do
you say to that writing  Copperfield  

 It s extraordinarily legal and formal   said I    I don t think I
ever saw such a stiff hand  

 Not like a lady s hand  is it   said Traddles 

 A lady s   I repeated    Bricks and mortar are more like a lady s
hand  

Traddles broke into a rapturous laugh  and informed me that it was
Sophy s writing  that Sophy had vowed and declared he would need a
copying clerk soon  and she would be that clerk  that she had
acquired this hand from a pattern  and that she could throw off  
I forget how many folios an hour   Sophy was very much confused by
my being told all this  and said that when  Tom  was made a judge
he wouldn t be so ready to proclaim it   Which  Tom  denied 
averring that he should always be equally proud of it  under all
circumstances 

 What a thoroughly good and charming wife she is  my dear
Traddles   said I  when she had gone away  laughing 

 My dear Copperfield   returned Traddles   she is  without any
exception  the dearest girl  The way she manages this place  her
punctuality  domestic knowledge  economy  and order  her
cheerfulness  Copperfield  

 Indeed  you have reason to commend her   I returned    You are a
happy fellow   I believe you make yourselves  and each other  two
of the happiest people in the world  

 I am sure we ARE two of the happiest people   returned Traddles 
 I admit that  at all events   Bless my soul  when I see her
getting up by candle light on these dark mornings  busying herself
in the day s arrangements  going out to market before the clerks
come into the Inn  caring for no weather  devising the most capital
little dinners out of the plainest materials  making puddings and
pies  keeping everything in its right place  always so neat and
ornamental herself  sitting up at night with me if it s ever so
late  sweet tempered and encouraging always  and all for me  I
positively sometimes can t believe it  Copperfield  

He was tender of the very slippers she had been warming  as he put
them on  and stretched his feet enjoyingly upon the fender 

 I positively sometimes can t believe it   said Traddles    Then
our pleasures  Dear me  they are inexpensive  but they are quite
wonderful  When we are at home here  of an evening  and shut the
outer door  and draw those curtains   which she made   where could
we be more snug   When it s fine  and we go out for a walk in the
evening  the streets abound in enjoyment for us   We look into the
glittering windows of the jewellers  shops  and I show Sophy which
of the diamond eyed serpents  coiled up on white satin rising
grounds  I would give her if I could afford it  and Sophy shows me
which of the gold watches that are capped and jewelled and
engine turned  and possessed of the horizontal lever 
escape movement  and all sorts of things  she would buy for me if
she could afford it  and we pick out the spoons and forks 
fish slices  butter knives  and sugar tongs  we should both prefer
if we could both afford it  and really we go away as if we had got
them  Then  when we stroll into the squares  and great streets  and
see a house to let  sometimes we look up at it  and say  how would
THAT do  if I was made a judge   And we parcel it out   such a room
for us  such rooms for the girls  and so forth  until we settle to
our satisfaction that it would do  or it wouldn t do  as the case
may be   Sometimes  we go at half price to the pit of the theatre
  the very smell of which is cheap  in my opinion  at the money  
and there we thoroughly enjoy the play  which Sophy believes every
word of  and so do I   In walking home  perhaps we buy a little bit
of something at a cook s shop  or a little lobster at the
fishmongers  and bring it here  and make a splendid supper 
chatting about what we have seen   Now  you know  Copperfield  if
I was Lord Chancellor  we couldn t do this  

 You would do something  whatever you were  my dear Traddles  
thought I   that would be pleasant and amiable   And by the way  
I said aloud   I suppose you never draw any skeletons now  

 Really   replied Traddles  laughing  and reddening   I can t
wholly deny that I do  my dear Copperfield   For being in one of
the back rows of the King s Bench the other day  with a pen in my
hand  the fancy came into my head to try how I had preserved that
accomplishment   And I am afraid there s a skeleton   in a wig   on
the ledge of the desk  

After we had both laughed heartily  Traddles wound up by looking
with a smile at the fire  and saying  in his forgiving way   Old
Creakle  

 I have a letter from that old   Rascal here   said I   For I never
was less disposed to forgive him the way he used to batter
Traddles  than when I saw Traddles so ready to forgive him himself 

 From Creakle the schoolmaster   exclaimed Traddles    No  

 Among the persons who are attracted to me in my rising fame and
fortune   said I  looking over my letters   and who discover that
they were always much attached to me  is the self same Creakle   He
is not a schoolmaster now  Traddles   He is retired   He is a
Middlesex Magistrate  

I thought Traddles might be surprised to hear it  but he was not so
at all 

 How do you suppose he comes to be a Middlesex Magistrate   said I 

 Oh dear me   replied Traddles   it would be very difficult to
answer that question   Perhaps he voted for somebody  or lent money
to somebody  or bought something of somebody  or otherwise obliged
somebody  or jobbed for somebody  who knew somebody who got the
lieutenant of the county to nominate him for the commission  

 On the commission he is  at any rate   said I    And he writes to
me here  that he will be glad to show me  in operation  the only
true system of prison discipline  the only unchallengeable way of
making sincere and lasting converts and penitents   which  you
know  is by solitary confinement   What do you say  

 To the system   inquired Traddles  looking grave 

 No   To my accepting the offer  and your going with me  

 I don t object   said Traddles 

 Then I ll write to say so   You remember  to say nothing of our
treatment  this same Creakle turning his son out of doors  I
suppose  and the life he used to lead his wife and daughter  

 Perfectly   said Traddles 

 Yet  if you ll read his letter  you ll find he is the tenderest of
men to prisoners convicted of the whole calendar of felonies   said
I   though I can t find that his tenderness extends to any other
class of created beings  

Traddles shrugged his shoulders  and was not at all surprised   I
had not expected him to be  and was not surprised myself  or my
observation of similar practical satires would have been but
scanty   We arranged the time of our visit  and I wrote accordingly
to Mr  Creakle that evening 

On the appointed day   I think it was the next day  but no matter
  Traddles and I repaired to the prison where Mr  Creakle was
powerful   It was an immense and solid building  erected at a vast
expense   I could not help thinking  as we approached the gate 
what an uproar would have been made in the country  if any deluded
man had proposed to spend one half the money it had cost  on the
erection of an industrial school for the young  or a house of
refuge for the deserving old 

In an office that might have been on the ground floor of the Tower
of Babel  it was so massively constructed  we were presented to our
old schoolmaster  who was one of a group  composed of two or three
of the busier sort of magistrates  and some visitors they had
brought   He received me  like a man who had formed my mind in
bygone years  and had always loved me tenderly   On my introducing
Traddles  Mr  Creakle expressed  in like manner  but in an inferior
degree  that he had always been Traddles s guide  philosopher  and
friend   Our venerable instructor was a great deal older  and not
improved in appearance   His face was as fiery as ever  his eyes
were as small  and rather deeper set   The scanty  wet looking grey
hair  by which I remembered him  was almost gone  and the thick
veins in his bald head were none the more agreeable to look at 

After some conversation among these gentlemen  from which I might
have supposed that there was nothing in the world to be
legitimately taken into account but the supreme comfort of
prisoners  at any expense  and nothing on the wide earth to be done
outside prison doors  we began our inspection   It being then just
dinner time  we went  first into the great kitchen  where every
prisoner s dinner was in course of being set out separately  to be
handed to him in his cell   with the regularity and precision of
clock work   I said aside  to Traddles  that I wondered whether it
occurred to anybody  that there was a striking contrast between
these plentiful repasts of choice quality  and the dinners  not to
say of paupers  but of soldiers  sailors  labourers  the great bulk
of the honest  working community  of whom not one man in five
hundred ever dined half so well   But I learned that the  system 
required high living  and  in short  to dispose of the system  once
for all  I found that on that head and on all others   the system 
put an end to all doubts  and disposed of all anomalies   Nobody
appeared to have the least idea that there was any other system 
but THE system  to be considered 

As we were going through some of the magnificent passages  I
inquired of Mr  Creakle and his friends what were supposed to be
the main advantages of this all governing and universally
over riding system   I found them to be the perfect isolation of
prisoners   so that no one man in confinement there  knew anything
about another  and the reduction of prisoners to a wholesome state
of mind  leading to sincere contrition and repentance 

Now  it struck me  when we began to visit individuals in their
cells  and to traverse the passages in which those cells were  and
to have the manner of the going to chapel and so forth  explained
to us  that there was a strong probability of the prisoners knowing
a good deal about each other  and of their carrying on a pretty
complete system of intercourse   This  at the time I write  has
been proved  I believe  to be the case  but  as it would have been
flat blasphemy against the system to have hinted such a doubt then 
I looked out for the penitence as diligently as I could 

And here again  I had great misgivings   I found as prevalent a
fashion in the form of the penitence  as I had left outside in the
forms of the coats and waistcoats in the windows of the tailors 
shops   I found a vast amount of profession  varying very little in
character  varying very little  which I thought exceedingly
suspicious   even in words   I found a great many foxes 
disparaging whole vineyards of inaccessible grapes  but I found
very few foxes whom I would have trusted within reach of a bunch 
Above all  I found that the most professing men were the greatest
objects of interest  and that their conceit  their vanity  their
want of excitement  and their love of deception  which many of them
possessed to an almost incredible extent  as their histories
showed   all prompted to these professions  and were all gratified
by them 

However  I heard so repeatedly  in the course of our goings to and
fro  of a certain Number Twenty Seven  who was the Favourite  and
who really appeared to be a Model Prisoner  that I resolved to
suspend my judgement until I should see Twenty Seven   Twenty
Eight  I understood  was also a bright particular star  but it was
his misfortune to have his glory a little dimmed by the
extraordinary lustre of Twenty Seven   I heard so much of Twenty
Seven  of his pious admonitions to everybody around him  and of the
beautiful letters he constantly wrote to his mother  whom he seemed
to consider in a very bad way   that I became quite impatient to
see him 

I had to restrain my impatience for some time  on account of Twenty
Seven being reserved for a concluding effect   But  at last  we
came to the door of his cell  and Mr  Creakle  looking through a
little hole in it  reported to us  in a state of the greatest
admiration  that he was reading a Hymn Book 

There was such a rush of heads immediately  to see Number Twenty
Seven reading his Hymn Book  that the little hole was blocked up 
six or seven heads deep   To remedy this inconvenience  and give us
an opportunity of conversing with Twenty Seven in all his purity 
Mr  Creakle directed the door of the cell to be unlocked  and
Twenty Seven to be invited out into the passage   This was done 
and whom should Traddles and I then behold  to our amazement  in
this converted Number Twenty Seven  but Uriah Heep 

He knew us directly  and said  as he came out   with the old
writhe   

 How do you do  Mr  Copperfield   How do you do  Mr  Traddles  

This recognition caused a general admiration in the party   I
rather thought that everyone was struck by his not being proud  and
taking notice of us 

 Well  Twenty Seven   said Mr  Creakle  mournfully admiring him 
 How do you find yourself today  

 I am very umble  sir   replied Uriah Heep 

 You are always so  Twenty Seven   said Mr  Creakle 

Here  another gentleman asked  with extreme anxiety   Are you quite
comfortable  

 Yes  I thank you  sir   said Uriah Heep  looking in that
direction    Far more comfortable here  than ever I was outside 
I see my follies  now  sir   That s what makes me comfortable  

Several gentlemen were much affected  and a third questioner 
forcing himself to the front  inquired with extreme feeling   How
do you find the beef  

 Thank you  sir   replied Uriah  glancing in the new direction of
this voice   it was tougher yesterday than I could wish  but it s
my duty to bear   I have committed follies  gentlemen   said Uriah 
looking round with a meek smile   and I ought to bear the
consequences without repining  
A murmur  partly of gratification at Twenty Seven s celestial state
of mind  and partly of indignation against the Contractor who had
given him any cause of complaint  a note of which was immediately
made by Mr  Creakle   having subsided  Twenty Seven stood in the
midst of us  as if he felt himself the principal object of merit in
a highly meritorious museum   That we  the neophytes  might have an
excess of light shining upon us all at once  orders were given to
let out Twenty Eight 

I had been so much astonished already  that I only felt a kind of
resigned wonder when Mr  Littimer walked forth  reading a good
book 

 Twenty Eight   said a gentleman in spectacles  who had not yet
spoken   you complained last week  my good fellow  of the cocoa 
How has it been since  

 I thank you  sir   said Mr  Littimer   it has been better made 
If I might take the liberty of saying so  sir  I don t think the
milk which is boiled with it is quite genuine  but I am aware  sir 
that there is a great adulteration of milk  in London  and that the
article in a pure state is difficult to be obtained  

It appeared to me that the gentleman in spectacles backed his
Twenty Eight against Mr  Creakle s Twenty Seven  for each of them
took his own man in hand 

 What is your state of mind  Twenty Eight   said the questioner in
spectacles 

 I thank you  sir   returned Mr  Littimer   I see my follies now 
sir   I am a good deal troubled when I think of the sins of my
former companions  sir  but I trust they may find forgiveness  

 You are quite happy yourself   said the questioner  nodding
encouragement 

 I am much obliged to you  sir   returned Mr  Littimer    Perfectly
so  

 Is there anything at all on your mind now   said the questioner 
 If so  mention it  Twenty Eight  

 Sir   said Mr  Littimer  without looking up   if my eyes have not
deceived me  there is a gentleman present who was acquainted with
me in my former life   It may be profitable to that gentleman to
know  sir  that I attribute my past follies  entirely to having
lived a thoughtless life in the service of young men  and to having
allowed myself to be led by them into weaknesses  which I had not
the strength to resist   I hope that gentleman will take warning 
sir  and will not be offended at my freedom   It is for his good 
I am conscious of my own past follies   I hope he may repent of all
the wickedness and sin to which he has been a party  

I observed that several gentlemen were shading their eyes  each
with one hand  as if they had just come into church 

 This does you credit  Twenty Eight   returned the questioner    I
should have expected it of you   Is there anything else  

 Sir   returned Mr  Littimer  slightly lifting up his eyebrows  but
not his eyes   there was a young woman who fell into dissolute
courses  that I endeavoured to save  sir  but could not rescue   I
beg that gentleman  if he has it in his power  to inform that young
woman from me that I forgive her her bad conduct towards myself 
and that I call her to repentance   if he will be so good  

 I have no doubt  Twenty Eight   returned the questioner   that the
gentleman you refer to feels very strongly   as we all must   what
you have so properly said   We will not detain you  

 I thank you  sir   said Mr  Littimer    Gentlemen  I wish you a
good day  and hoping you and your families will also see your
wickedness  and amend  

With this  Number Twenty Eight retired  after a glance between him
and Uriah  as if they were not altogether unknown to each other 
through some medium of communication  and a murmur went round the
group  as his door shut upon him  that he was a most respectable
man  and a beautiful case 

 Now  Twenty Seven   said Mr  Creakle  entering on a clear stage
with his man   is there anything that anyone can do for you   If
so  mention it  

 I would umbly ask  sir   returned Uriah  with a jerk of his
malevolent head   for leave to write again to mother  

 It shall certainly be granted   said Mr  Creakle 

 Thank you  sir  I am anxious about mother   I am afraid she ain t
safe  

Somebody incautiously asked  what from   But there was a
scandalized whisper of  Hush  

 Immortally safe  sir   returned Uriah  writhing in the direction
of the voice    I should wish mother to be got into my state   I
never should have been got into my present state if I hadn t come
here   I wish mother had come here   It would be better for
everybody  if they got took up  and was brought here  

This sentiment gave unbounded satisfaction   greater satisfaction 
I think  than anything that had passed yet 

 Before I come here   said Uriah  stealing a look at us  as if he
would have blighted the outer world to which we belonged  if he
could   I was given to follies  but now I am sensible of my
follies   There s a deal of sin outside   There s a deal of sin in
mother   There s nothing but sin everywhere   except here  

 You are quite changed   said Mr  Creakle 

 Oh dear  yes  sir   cried this hopeful penitent 

 You wouldn t relapse  if you were going out   asked somebody else 

 Oh de ar no  sir  

 Well   said Mr  Creakle   this is very gratifying   You have
addressed Mr  Copperfield  Twenty Seven   Do you wish to say
anything further to him  

 You knew me  a long time before I came here and was changed  Mr 
Copperfield   said Uriah  looking at me  and a more villainous look
I never saw  even on his visage    You knew me when  in spite of my
follies  I was umble among them that was proud  and meek among them
that was violent   you was violent to me yourself  Mr  Copperfield 
Once  you struck me a blow in the face  you know  

General commiseration   Several indignant glances directed at me 

 But I forgive you  Mr  Copperfield   said Uriah  making his
forgiving nature the subject of a most impious and awful parallel 
which I shall not record    I forgive everybody   It would ill
become me to bear malice   I freely forgive you  and I hope you ll
curb your passions in future   I hope Mr  W  will repent  and Miss
W   and all of that sinful lot   You ve been visited with
affliction  and I hope it may do you good  but you d better have
come here   Mr  W  had better have come here  and Miss W  too   The
best wish I could give you  Mr  Copperfield  and give all of you
gentlemen  is  that you could be took up and brought here   When I
think of my past follies  and my present state  I am sure it would
be best for you   I pity all who ain t brought here  

He sneaked back into his cell  amidst a little chorus of
approbation  and both Traddles and I experienced a great relief
when he was locked in 

It was a characteristic feature in this repentance  that I was fain
to ask what these two men had done  to be there at all   That
appeared to be the last thing about which they had anything to say 
I addressed myself to one of the two warders  who  I suspected from
certain latent indications in their faces  knew pretty well what
all this stir was worth 

 Do you know   said I  as we walked along the passage   what felony
was Number Twenty Seven s last  folly   

The answer was that it was a Bank case 

 A fraud on the Bank of England   I asked 
 Yes  sir   Fraud  forgery  and conspiracy   He and some others 
He set the others on   It was a deep plot for a large sum 
Sentence  transportation for life   Twenty Seven was the knowingest
bird of the lot  and had very nearly kept himself safe  but not
quite   The Bank was just able to put salt upon his tail   and only
just  

 Do you know Twenty Eight s offence  

 Twenty Eight   returned my informant  speaking throughout in a low
tone  and looking over his shoulder as we walked along the passage 
to guard himself from being overheard  in such an unlawful
reference to these Immaculates  by Creakle and the rest   Twenty
Eight  also transportation  got a place  and robbed a young master
of a matter of two hundred and fifty pounds in money and valuables 
the night before they were going abroad   I particularly recollect
his case  from his being took by a dwarf  

 A what  

 A little woman   I have forgot her name  

 Not Mowcher  

 That s it  He had eluded pursuit  and was going to America in a
flaxen wig  and whiskers  and such a complete disguise as never you
see in all your born days  when the little woman  being in
Southampton  met him walking along the street   picked him out with
her sharp eye in a moment   ran betwixt his legs to upset him   and
held on to him like grim Death  

 Excellent Miss Mowcher   cried I 

 You d have said so  if you had seen her  standing on a chair in
the witness box at the trial  as I did   said my friend    He cut
her face right open  and pounded her in the most brutal manner 
when she took him  but she never loosed her hold till he was locked
up   She held so tight to him  in fact  that the officers were
obliged to take  em both together   She gave her evidence in the
gamest way  and was highly complimented by the Bench  and cheered
right home to her lodgings   She said in Court that she d have took
him single handed  on account of what she knew concerning him   if
he had been Samson   And it s my belief she would  

It was mine too  and I highly respected Miss Mowcher for it 

We had now seen all there was to see   It would have been in vain
to represent to such a man as the Worshipful Mr  Creakle  that
Twenty Seven and Twenty Eight were perfectly consistent and
unchanged  that exactly what they were then  they had always been 
that the hypocritical knaves were just the subjects to make that
sort of profession in such a place  that they knew its market value
at least as well as we did  in the immediate service it would do
them when they were expatriated  in a word  that it was a rotten 
hollow  painfully suggestive piece of business altogether   We left
them to their system and themselves  and went home wondering 

 Perhaps it s a good thing  Traddles   said I   to have an unsound
Hobby ridden hard  for it s the sooner ridden to death  

 I hope so   replied Traddles 



CHAPTER   
A LIGHT SHINES ON MY WAY


The year came round to Christmas time  and I had been at home above
two months   I had seen Agnes frequently   However loud the general
voice might be in giving me encouragement  and however fervent the
emotions and endeavours to which it roused me  I heard her lightest
word of praise as I heard nothing else 

At least once a week  and sometimes oftener  I rode over there  and
passed the evening   I usually rode back at night  for the old
unhappy sense was always hovering about me now   most sorrowfully
when I left her   and I was glad to be up and out  rather than
wandering over the past in weary wakefulness or miserable dreams 
I wore away the longest part of many wild sad nights  in those
rides  reviving  as I went  the thoughts that had occupied me in my
long absence 

Or  if I were to say rather that I listened to the echoes of those
thoughts  I should better express the truth   They spoke to me from
afar off   I had put them at a distance  and accepted my inevitable
place   When I read to Agnes what I wrote  when I saw her listening
face  moved her to smiles or tears  and heard her cordial voice so
earnest on the shadowy events of that imaginative world in which I
lived  I thought what a fate mine might have been   but only
thought so  as I had thought after I was married to Dora  what I
could have wished my wife to be 

My duty to Agnes  who loved me with a love  which  if I disquieted 
I wronged most selfishly and poorly  and could never restore  my
matured assurance that I  who had worked out my own destiny  and
won what I had impetuously set my heart on  had no right to murmur 
and must bear  comprised what I felt and what I had learned   But
I loved her  and now it even became some consolation to me  vaguely
to conceive a distant day when I might blamelessly avow it  when
all this should be over  when I could say  Agnes  so it was when I
came home  and now I am old  and I never have loved since  

She did not once show me any change in herself   What she always
had been to me  she still was  wholly unaltered 

Between my aunt and me there had been something  in this connexion 
since the night of my return  which I cannot call a restraint  or
an avoidance of the subject  so much as an implied understanding
that we thought of it together  but did not shape our thoughts into
words   When  according to our old custom  we sat before the fire
at night  we often fell into this train  as naturally  and as
consciously to each other  as if we had unreservedly said so   But
we preserved an unbroken silence   I believed that she had read  or
partly read  my thoughts that night  and that she fully
comprehended why I gave mine no more distinct expression 

This Christmas time being come  and Agnes having reposed no new
confidence in me  a doubt that had several times arisen in my mind
  whether she could have that perception of the true state of my
breast  which restrained her with the apprehension of giving me
pain   began to oppress me heavily   If that were so  my sacrifice
was nothing  my plainest obligation to her unfulfilled  and every
poor action I had shrunk from  I was hourly doing   I resolved to
set this right beyond all doubt    if such a barrier were between
us  to break it down at once with a determined hand 

It was   what lasting reason have I to remember it    a cold 
harsh  winter day   There had been snow  some hours before  and it
lay  not deep  but hard frozen on the ground   Out at sea  beyond
my window  the wind blew ruggedly from the north   I had been
thinking of it  sweeping over those mountain wastes of snow in
Switzerland  then inaccessible to any human foot  and had been
speculating which was the lonelier  those solitary regions  or a
deserted ocean 

 Riding today  Trot   said my aunt  putting her head in at the
door 

 Yes   said I   I am going over to Canterbury   It s a good day for
a ride  

 I hope your horse may think so too   said my aunt   but at present
he is holding down his head and his ears  standing before the door
there  as if he thought his stable preferable  

My aunt  I may observe  allowed my horse on the forbidden ground 
but had not at all relented towards the donkeys 

 He will be fresh enough  presently   said I 

 The ride will do his master good  at all events   observed my
aunt  glancing at the papers on my table    Ah  child  you pass a
good many hours here  I never thought  when I used to read books 
what work it was to write them  

 It s work enough to read them  sometimes   I returned    As to the
writing  it has its own charms  aunt  

 Ah  I see   said my aunt    Ambition  love of approbation 
sympathy  and much more  I suppose   Well  go along with you  

 Do you know anything more   said I  standing composedly before her
  she had patted me on the shoulder  and sat down in my chair    of
that attachment of Agnes  

She looked up in my face a little while  before replying 

 I think I do  Trot  

 Are you confirmed in your impression   I inquired 

 I think I am  Trot  

She looked so steadfastly at me  with a kind of doubt  or pity  or
suspense in her affection  that I summoned the stronger
determination to show her a perfectly cheerful face 

 And what is more  Trot    said my aunt 

 Yes  

 I think Agnes is going to be married  

 God bless her   said I  cheerfully 

 God bless her   said my aunt   and her husband too  

I echoed it  parted from my aunt  and went lightly downstairs 
mounted  and rode away   There was greater reason than before to do
what I had resolved to do 

How well I recollect the wintry ride  The frozen particles of ice 
brushed from the blades of grass by the wind  and borne across my
face  the hard clatter of the horse s hoofs  beating a tune upon
the ground  the stiff tilled soil  the snowdrift  lightly eddying
in the chalk pit as the breeze ruffled it  the smoking team with
the waggon of old hay  stopping to breathe on the hill top  and
shaking their bells musically  the whitened slopes and sweeps of
Down land lying against the dark sky  as if they were drawn on a
huge slate 

I found Agnes alone   The little girls had gone to their own homes
now  and she was alone by the fire  reading   She put down her book
on seeing me come in  and having welcomed me as usual  took her
work basket and sat in one of the old fashioned windows 

I sat beside her on the window seat  and we talked of what I was
doing  and when it would be done  and of the progress I had made
since my last visit   Agnes was very cheerful  and laughingly
predicted that I should soon become too famous to be talked to  on
such subjects 

 So I make the most of the present time  you see   said Agnes   and
talk to you while I may  

As I looked at her beautiful face  observant of her work  she
raised her mild clear eyes  and saw that I was looking at her 

 You are thoughtful today  Trotwood  

 Agnes  shall I tell you what about   I came to tell you  

She put aside her work  as she was used to do when we were
seriously discussing anything  and gave me her whole attention 

 My dear Agnes  do you doubt my being true to you  

 No   she answered  with a look of astonishment 

 Do you doubt my being what I always have been to you  

 No   she answered  as before 

 Do you remember that I tried to tell you  when I came home  what
a debt of gratitude I owed you  dearest Agnes  and how fervently I
felt towards you  

 I remember it   she said  gently   very well  

 You have a secret   said I    Let me share it  Agnes  

She cast down her eyes  and trembled 

 I could hardly fail to know  even if I had not heard   but from
other lips than yours  Agnes  which seems strange   that there is
someone upon whom you have bestowed the treasure of your love   Do
not shut me out of what concerns your happiness so nearly  If you
can trust me  as you say you can  and as I know you may  let me be
your friend  your brother  in this matter  of all others  

With an appealing  almost a reproachful  glance  she rose from the
window  and hurrying across the room as if without knowing where 
put her hands before her face  and burst into such tears as smote
me to the heart 

And yet they awakened something in me  bringing promise to my
heart   Without my knowing why  these tears allied themselves with
the quietly sad smile which was so fixed in my remembrance  and
shook me more with hope than fear or sorrow 

 Agnes  Sister  Dearest  What have I done  

 Let me go away  Trotwood   I am not well   I am not myself   I
will speak to you by and by   another time   I will write to you 
Don t speak to me now   Don t  don t  

I sought to recollect what she had said  when I had spoken to her
on that former night  of her affection needing no return   It
seemed a very world that I must search through in a moment 
 Agnes  I cannot bear to see you so  and think that I have been the
cause   My dearest girl  dearer to me than anything in life  if you
are unhappy  let me share your unhappiness   If you are in need of
help or counsel  let me try to give it to you   If you have indeed
a burden on your heart  let me try to lighten it   For whom do I
live now  Agnes  if it is not for you  

 Oh  spare me  I am not myself  Another time   was all I could
distinguish 

Was it a selfish error that was leading me away   Or  having once
a clue to hope  was there something opening to me that I had not
dared to think of 

 I must say more   I cannot let you leave me so  For Heaven s sake 
Agnes  let us not mistake each other after all these years  and all
that has come and gone with them  I must speak plainly   If you
have any lingering thought that I could envy the happiness you will
confer  that I could not resign you to a dearer protector  of your
own choosing  that I could not  from my removed place  be a
contented witness of your joy  dismiss it  for I don t deserve it 
I have not suffered quite in vain   You have not taught me quite in
vain   There is no alloy of self in what I feel for you  

She was quiet now   In a little time  she turned her pale face
towards me  and said in a low voice  broken here and there  but
very clear 

 I owe it to your pure friendship for me  Trotwood   which  indeed 
I do not doubt   to tell you  you are mistaken   I can do no more 
If I have sometimes  in the course of years  wanted help and
counsel  they have come to me   If I have sometimes been unhappy 
the feeling has passed away   If I have ever had a burden on my
heart  it has been lightened for me   If I have any secret  it is
  no new one  and is   not what you suppose   I cannot reveal it 
or divide it   It has long been mine  and must remain mine  

 Agnes  Stay  A moment  

She was going away  but I detained her   I clasped my arm about her
waist    In the course of years    It is not a new one   New
thoughts and hopes were whirling through my mind  and all the
colours of my life were changing 

 Dearest Agnes  Whom I so respect and honour   whom I so devotedly
love  When I came here today  I thought that nothing could have
wrested this confession from me   I thought I could have kept it in
my bosom all our lives  till we were old   But  Agnes  if I have
indeed any new born hope that I may ever call you something more
than Sister  widely different from Sister    

Her tears fell fast  but they were not like those she had lately
shed  and I saw my hope brighten in them 

 Agnes  Ever my guide  and best support  If you had been more
mindful of yourself  and less of me  when we grew up here together 
I think my heedless fancy never would have wandered from you   But
you were so much better than I  so necessary to me in every boyish
hope and disappointment  that to have you to confide in  and rely
upon in everything  became a second nature  supplanting for the
time the first and greater one of loving you as I do  

Still weeping  but not sadly   joyfully  And clasped in my arms as
she had never been  as I had thought she never was to be 

 When I loved Dora   fondly  Agnes  as you know   

 Yes   she cried  earnestly    I am glad to know it  

 When I loved her   even then  my love would have been incomplete 
without your sympathy   I had it  and it was perfected   And when
I lost her  Agnes  what should I have been without you  still  

Closer in my arms  nearer to my heart  her trembling hand upon my
shoulder  her sweet eyes shining through her tears  on mine 

 I went away  dear Agnes  loving you   I stayed away  loving you 
I returned home  loving you  

And now  I tried to tell her of the struggle I had had  and the
conclusion I had come to   I tried to lay my mind before her 
truly  and entirely   I tried to show her how I had hoped I had
come into the better knowledge of myself and of her  how I had
resigned myself to what that better knowledge brought  and how I
had come there  even that day  in my fidelity to this   If she did
so love me  I said  that she could take me for her husband  she
could do so  on no deserving of mine  except upon the truth of my
love for her  and the trouble in which it had ripened to be what it
was  and hence it was that I revealed it   And O  Agnes  even out
of thy true eyes  in that same time  the spirit of my child wife
looked upon me  saying it was well  and winning me  through thee 
to tenderest recollections of the Blossom that had withered in its
bloom 

 I am so blest  Trotwood   my heart is so overcharged   but there
is one thing I must say  

 Dearest  what  

She laid her gentle hands upon my shoulders  and looked calmly in
my face 

 Do you know  yet  what it is  

 I am afraid to speculate on what it is   Tell me  my dear  

 I have loved you all my life  

O  we were happy  we were happy  Our tears were not for the trials
 hers so much the greater  through which we had come to be thus 
but for the rapture of being thus  never to be divided more 

We walked  that winter evening  in the fields together  and the
blessed calm within us seemed to be partaken by the frosty air 
The early stars began to shine while we were lingering on  and
looking up to them  we thanked our GOD for having guided us to this
tranquillity 

We stood together in the same old fashioned window at night  when
the moon was shining  Agnes with her quiet eyes raised up to it  I
following her glance   Long miles of road then opened out before my
mind  and  toiling on  I saw a ragged way worn boy  forsaken and
neglected  who should come to call even the heart now beating
against mine  his own 


It was nearly dinner time next day when we appeared before my aunt 
She was up in my study  Peggotty said  which it was her pride to
keep in readiness and order for me   We found her  in her
spectacles  sitting by the fire 

 Goodness me   said my aunt  peering through the dusk   who s this
you re bringing home  

 Agnes   said I 

As we had arranged to say nothing at first  my aunt was not a
little discomfited   She darted a hopeful glance at me  when I said
 Agnes   but seeing that I looked as usual  she took off her
spectacles in despair  and rubbed her nose with them 

She greeted Agnes heartily  nevertheless  and we were soon in the
lighted parlour downstairs  at dinner   My aunt put on her
spectacles twice or thrice  to take another look at me  but as
often took them off again  disappointed  and rubbed her nose with
them   Much to the discomfiture of Mr  Dick  who knew this to be a
bad symptom 

 By the by  aunt   said I  after dinner   I have been speaking to
Agnes about what you told me  

 Then  Trot   said my aunt  turning scarlet   you did wrong  and
broke your promise  

 You are not angry  aunt  I trust   I am sure you won t be  when
you learn that Agnes is not unhappy in any attachment  

 Stuff and nonsense   said my aunt 

As my aunt appeared to be annoyed  I thought the best way was to
cut her annoyance short   I took Agnes in my arm to the back of her
chair  and we both leaned over her   My aunt  with one clap of her
hands  and one look through her spectacles  immediately went into
hysterics  for the first and only time in all my knowledge of her 

The hysterics called up Peggotty   The moment my aunt was restored 
she flew at Peggotty  and calling her a silly old creature  hugged
her with all her might   After that  she hugged Mr  Dick  who was
highly honoured  but a good deal surprised   and after that  told
them why   Then  we were all happy together 

I could not discover whether my aunt  in her last short
conversation with me  had fallen on a pious fraud  or had really
mistaken the state of my mind   It was quite enough  she said  that
she had told me Agnes was going to be married  and that I now knew
better than anyone how true it was 


We were married within a fortnight   Traddles and Sophy  and Doctor
and Mrs  Strong  were the only guests at our quiet wedding   We
left them full of joy  and drove away together   Clasped in my
embrace  I held the source of every worthy aspiration I had ever
had  the centre of myself  the circle of my life  my own  my wife 
my love of whom was founded on a rock 

 Dearest husband   said Agnes    Now that I may call you by that
name  I have one thing more to tell you  

 Let me hear it  love  

 It grows out of the night when Dora died   She sent you for me  

 She did  

 She told me that she left me something   Can you think what it
was  

I believed I could   I drew the wife who had so long loved me 
closer to my side 

 She told me that she made a last request to me  and left me a last
charge  

 And it was   

 That only I would occupy this vacant place  

And Agnes laid her head upon my breast  and wept  and I wept with
her  though we were so happy 




CHAPTER   
A VISITOR

What I have purposed to record is nearly finished  but there is yet
an incident conspicuous in my memory  on which it often rests with
delight  and without which one thread in the web I have spun would
have a ravelled end 

I had advanced in fame and fortune  my domestic joy was perfect  I
had been married ten happy years   Agnes and I were sitting by the
fire  in our house in London  one night in spring  and three of our
children were playing in the room  when I was told that a stranger
wished to see me 

He had been asked if he came on business  and had answered No  he
had come for the pleasure of seeing me  and had come a long way 
He was an old man  my servant said  and looked like a farmer 

As this sounded mysterious to the children  and moreover was like
the beginning of a favourite story Agnes used to tell them 
introductory to the arrival of a wicked old Fairy in a cloak who
hated everybody  it produced some commotion   One of our boys laid
his head in his mother s lap to be out of harm s way  and little
Agnes  our eldest child  left her doll in a chair to represent her 
and thrust out her little heap of golden curls from between the
window curtains  to see what happened next 

 Let him come in here   said I 

There soon appeared  pausing in the dark doorway as he entered  a
hale  grey haired old man   Little Agnes  attracted by his looks 
had run to bring him in  and I had not yet clearly seen his face 
when my wife  starting up  cried out to me  in a pleased and
agitated voice  that it was Mr  Peggotty 

It WAS Mr  Peggotty   An old man now  but in a ruddy  hearty 
strong old age   When our first emotion was over  and he sat before
the fire with the children on his knees  and the blaze shining on
his face  he looked  to me  as vigorous and robust  withal as
handsome  an old man  as ever I had seen 

 Mas r Davy   said he   And the old name in the old tone fell so
naturally on my ear   Mas r Davy   tis a joyful hour as I see you 
once more   long with your own trew wife  

 A joyful hour indeed  old friend   cried I 

 And these heer pretty ones   said Mr  Peggotty    To look at these
heer flowers  Why  Mas r Davy  you was but the heighth of the
littlest of these  when I first see you  When Em ly warn t no
bigger  and our poor lad were BUT a lad  

 Time has changed me more than it has changed you since then   said
I    But let these dear rogues go to bed  and as no house in
England but this must hold you  tell me where to send for your
luggage  is the old black bag among it  that went so far  I
wonder    and then  over a glass of Yarmouth grog  we will have the
tidings of ten years  

 Are you alone   asked Agnes 

 Yes  ma am   he said  kissing her hand   quite alone  

We sat him between us  not knowing how to give him welcome enough 
and as I began to listen to his old familiar voice  I could have
fancied he was still pursuing his long journey in search of his
darling niece 

 It s a mort of water   said Mr  Peggotty   fur to come across  and
on y stay a matter of fower weeks   But water   specially when  tis
salt  comes nat ral to me  and friends is dear  and I am heer    
Which is verse   said Mr  Peggotty  surprised to find it out 
 though I hadn t such intentions  

 Are you going back those many thousand miles  so soon   asked
Agnes 

 Yes  ma am   he returned    I giv the promise to Em ly  afore I
come away   You see  I doen t grow younger as the years comes
round  and if I hadn t sailed as  twas  most like I shouldn t never
have done  t   And it s allus been on my mind  as I must come and
see Mas r Davy and your own sweet blooming self  in your wedded
happiness  afore I got to be too old  

He looked at us  as if he could never feast his eyes on us
sufficiently   Agnes laughingly put back some scattered locks of
his grey hair  that he might see us better 

 And now tell us   said I   everything relating to your fortunes  

 Our fortuns  Mas r Davy   he rejoined   is soon told   We haven t
fared nohows  but fared to thrive   We ve allus thrived   We ve
worked as we ought to  t  and maybe we lived a leetle hard at first
or so  but we have allus thrived   What with sheep farming  and
what with stock farming  and what with one thing and what with
t other  we are as well to do  as well could be   Theer s been
kiender a blessing fell upon us   said Mr  Peggotty  reverentially
inclining his head   and we ve done nowt but prosper   That is  in
the long run   If not yesterday  why then today   If not today  why
then tomorrow  

 And Emily   said Agnes and I  both together 

 Em ly   said he   arter you left her  ma am   and I never heerd
her saying of her prayers at night  t other side the canvas screen 
when we was settled in the Bush  but what I heerd your name   and
arter she and me lost sight of Mas r Davy  that theer shining
sundown   was that low  at first  that  if she had know d then what
Mas r Davy kep from us so kind and thowtful   tis my opinion she d
have drooped away   But theer was some poor folks aboard as had
illness among  em  and she took care of them  and theer was the
children in our company  and she took care of them  and so she got
to be busy  and to be doing good  and that helped her  

 When did she first hear of it   I asked 

 I kep it from her arter I heerd on  t   said Mr  Peggotty   going
on nigh a year   We was living then in a solitary place  but among
the beautifullest trees  and with the roses a covering our Beein to
the roof   Theer come along one day  when I was out a working on
the land  a traveller from our own Norfolk or Suffolk in England  I
doen t rightly mind which   and of course we took him in  and giv
him to eat and drink  and made him welcome   We all do that  all
the colony over   He d got an old newspaper with him  and some
other account in print of the storm   That s how she know d it 
When I came home at night  I found she know d it  

He dropped his voice as he said these words  and the gravity I so
well remembered overspread his face 

 Did it change her much   we asked 

 Aye  for a good long time   he said  shaking his head   if not to
this present hour   But I think the solitoode done her good   And
she had a deal to mind in the way of poultry and the like  and
minded of it  and come through   I wonder   he said thoughtfully 
 if you could see my Em ly now  Mas r Davy  whether you d know
her  

 Is she so altered   I inquired 

 I doen t know   I see her ev ry day  and doen t know  But 
odd times  I have thowt so   A slight figure   said Mr  Peggotty 
looking at the fire   kiender worn  soft  sorrowful  blue eyes  a
delicate face  a pritty head  leaning a little down  a quiet voice
and way   timid a most   That s Em ly  

We silently observed him as he sat  still looking at the fire 

 Some thinks   he said   as her affection was ill bestowed  some 
as her marriage was broken off by death   No one knows how  tis 
She might have married well  a mort of times   but  uncle   she
says to me   that s gone for ever   Cheerful along with me  retired
when others is by  fond of going any distance fur to teach a child 
or fur to tend a sick person  or fur to do some kindness tow rds a
young girl s wedding  and she s done a many  but has never seen
one   fondly loving of her uncle  patient  liked by young and old 
sowt out by all that has any trouble   That s Em ly  

He drew his hand across his face  and with a half suppressed sigh
looked up from the fire 

 Is Martha with you yet   I asked 

 Martha   he replied   got married  Mas r Davy  in the second year 
A young man  a farm labourer  as come by us on his way to market
with his mas r s drays   a journey of over five hundred mile  theer
and back   made offers fur to take her fur his wife  wives is very
scarce theer   and then to set up fur their two selves in the Bush 
She spoke to me fur to tell him her trew story   I did   They was
married  and they live fower hundred mile away from any voices but
their own and the singing birds  

 Mrs  Gummidge   I suggested 

It was a pleasant key to touch  for Mr  Peggotty suddenly burst
into a roar of laughter  and rubbed his hands up and down his legs 
as he had been accustomed to do when he enjoyed himself in the
long shipwrecked boat 

 Would you believe it   he said    Why  someun even made offer fur
to marry her  If a ship s cook that was turning settler  Mas r
Davy  didn t make offers fur to marry Missis Gummidge  I m Gormed
  and I can t say no fairer than that  

I never saw Agnes laugh so   This sudden ecstasy on the part of Mr 
Peggotty was so delightful to her  that she could not leave off
laughing  and the more she laughed the more she made me laugh  and
the greater Mr  Peggotty s ecstasy became  and the more he rubbed
his legs 

 And what did Mrs  Gummidge say   I asked  when I was grave enough 

 If you ll believe me   returned Mr  Peggotty   Missis Gummidge 
 stead of saying  thank you  I m much obleeged to you  I ain t
a going fur to change my condition at my time of life   up d with
a bucket as was standing by  and laid it over that theer ship s
cook s head  till he sung out fur help  and I went in and reskied
of him  

Mr  Peggotty burst into a great roar of laughter  and Agnes and I
both kept him company 

 But I must say this  for the good creetur   he resumed  wiping his
face  when we were quite exhausted   she has been all she said
she d be to us  and more   She s the willingest  the trewest  the
honestest helping woman  Mas r Davy  as ever draw d the breath of
life   I have never know d her to be lone and lorn  for a single
minute  not even when the colony was all afore us  and we was new
to it   And thinking of the old  un is a thing she never done  I do
assure you  since she left England  

 Now  last  not least  Mr  Micawber   said I    He has paid off
every obligation he incurred here   even to Traddles s bill  you
remember my dear Agnes   and therefore we may take it for granted
that he is doing well   But what is the latest news of him  

Mr  Peggotty  with a smile  put his hand in his breast pocket  and
produced a flat folded  paper parcel  from which he took out  with
much care  a little odd looking newspaper 

 You are to understan   Mas r Davy   said he   as we have left the
Bush now  being so well to do  and have gone right away round to
Port Middlebay Harbour  wheer theer s what we call a town  

 Mr  Micawber was in the Bush near you   said I 

 Bless you  yes   said Mr  Peggotty   and turned to with a will 
I never wish to meet a better gen l man for turning to with a will 
I ve seen that theer bald head of his a perspiring in the sun 
Mas r Davy  till I a most thowt it would have melted away   And now
he s a Magistrate  

 A Magistrate  eh   said I 

Mr  Peggotty pointed to a certain paragraph in the newspaper  where
I read aloud as follows  from the Port Middlebay Times 


 The public dinner to our distinguished fellow colonist and
townsman  WILKINS MICAWBER  ESQUIRE  Port Middlebay District
Magistrate  came off yesterday in the large room of the Hotel 
which was crowded to suffocation   It is estimated that not fewer
than forty seven persons must have been accommodated with dinner at
one time  exclusive of the company in the passage and on the
stairs   The beauty  fashion  and exclusiveness of Port Middlebay 
flocked to do honour to one so deservedly esteemed  so highly
talented  and so widely popular   Doctor Mell  of Colonial
Salem House Grammar School  Port Middlebay  presided  and on his
right sat the distinguished guest   After the removal of the cloth 
and the singing of Non Nobis  beautifully executed  and in which we
were at no loss to distinguish the bell like notes of that gifted
amateur  WILKINS MICAWBER  ESQUIRE  JUNIOR   the usual loyal and
patriotic toasts were severally given and rapturously received 
Doctor Mell  in a speech replete with feeling  then proposed  Our
distinguished Guest  the ornament of our town   May he never leave
us but to better himself  and may his success among us be such as
to render his bettering himself impossible   The cheering with
which the toast was received defies description   Again and again
it rose and fell  like the waves of ocean   At length all was
hushed  and WILKINS MICAWBER  ESQUIRE  presented himself to return
thanks   Far be it from us  in the present comparatively imperfect
state of the resources of our establishment  to endeavour to follow
our distinguished townsman through the smoothly flowing periods of
his polished and highly ornate address  Suffice it to observe  that
it was a masterpiece of eloquence  and that those passages in which
he more particularly traced his own successful career to its
source  and warned the younger portion of his auditory from the
shoals of ever incurring pecuniary liabilities which they were
unable to liquidate  brought a tear into the manliest eye present 
The remaining toasts were DOCTOR MELL  Mrs  MICAWBER  who
gracefully bowed her acknowledgements from the side door  where a
galaxy of beauty was elevated on chairs  at once to witness and
adorn the gratifying scene   Mrs  RIDGER BEGS  late Miss Micawber  
Mrs  MELL  WILKINS MICAWBER  ESQUIRE  JUNIOR  who convulsed the
assembly by humorously remarking that he found himself unable to
return thanks in a speech  but would do so  with their permission 
in a song   Mrs  MICAWBER S FAMILY  well known  it is needless to
remark  in the mother country    c    c    c   At the conclusion of
the proceedings the tables were cleared as if by art magic for
dancing   Among the votaries of TERPSICHORE  who disported
themselves until Sol gave warning for departure  Wilkins Micawber 
Esquire  Junior  and the lovely and accomplished Miss Helena 
fourth daughter of Doctor Mell  were particularly remarkable  


I was looking back to the name of Doctor Mell  pleased to have
discovered  in these happier circumstances  Mr  Mell  formerly poor
pinched usher to my Middlesex magistrate  when Mr  Peggotty
pointing to another part of the paper  my eyes rested on my own
name  and I read thus 


           TO DAVID COPPERFIELD  ESQUIRE 

                THE EMINENT AUTHOR 

 My Dear Sir 

 Years have elapsed  since I had an opportunity of ocularly
perusing the lineaments  now familiar to the imaginations of a
considerable portion of the civilized world 

 But  my dear Sir  though estranged  by the force of circumstances
over which I have had no control  from the personal society of the
friend and companion of my youth  I have not been unmindful of his
soaring flight   Nor have I been debarred 

     Though seas between us braid ha  roared 

 BURNS  from participating in the intellectual feasts he has spread
before us 

 I cannot  therefore  allow of the departure from this place of an
individual whom we mutually respect and esteem  without  my dear
Sir  taking this public opportunity of thanking you  on my own
behalf  and  I may undertake to add  on that of the whole of the
Inhabitants of Port Middlebay  for the gratification of which you
are the ministering agent 

 Go on  my dear Sir  You are not unknown here  you are not
unappreciated   Though  remote   we are neither  unfriended  
 melancholy   nor  I may add   slow    Go on  my dear Sir  in your
Eagle course  The inhabitants of Port Middlebay may at least aspire
to watch it  with delight  with entertainment  with instruction 

 Among the eyes elevated towards you from this portion of the
globe  will ever be found  while it has light and life 

                The
                     Eye
                          Appertaining to

                               WILKINS MICAWBER 
                                    Magistrate  


I found  on glancing at the remaining contents of the newspaper 
that Mr  Micawber was a diligent and esteemed correspondent of that
journal   There was another letter from him in the same paper 
touching a bridge  there was an advertisement of a collection of
similar letters by him  to be shortly republished  in a neat
volume   with considerable additions   and  unless I am very much
mistaken  the Leading Article was his also 

We talked much of Mr  Micawber  on many other evenings while Mr 
Peggotty remained with us   He lived with us during the whole term
of his stay    which  I think  was something less than a month   
and his sister and my aunt came to London to see him   Agnes and I
parted from him aboard ship  when he sailed  and we shall never
part from him more  on earth 

But before he left  he went with me to Yarmouth  to see a little
tablet I had put up in the churchyard to the memory of Ham   While
I was copying the plain inscription for him at his request  I saw
him stoop  and gather a tuft of grass from the grave and a little
earth 

 For Em ly   he said  as he put it in his breast    I promised 
Mas r Davy  



CHAPTER   
A LAST RETROSPECT


And now my written story ends   I look back  once more   for the
last time   before I close these leaves 

I see myself  with Agnes at my side  journeying along the road of
life   I see our children and our friends around us  and I hear the
roar of many voices  not indifferent to me as I travel on 

What faces are the most distinct to me in the fleeting crowd   Lo 
these  all turning to me as I ask my thoughts the question 

Here is my aunt  in stronger spectacles  an old woman of four score
years and more  but upright yet  and a steady walker of six miles
at a stretch in winter weather 

Always with her  here comes Peggotty  my good old nurse  likewise
in spectacles  accustomed to do needle work at night very close to
the lamp  but never sitting down to it without a bit of wax candle 
a yard measure in a little house  and a work box with a picture of
St  Paul s upon the lid 

The cheeks and arms of Peggotty  so hard and red in my childish
days  when I wondered why the birds didn t peck her in preference
to apples  are shrivelled now  and her eyes  that used to darken
their whole neighbourhood in her face  are fainter  though they
glitter still   but her rough forefinger  which I once associated
with a pocket nutmeg grater  is just the same  and when I see my
least child catching at it as it totters from my aunt to her  I
think of our little parlour at home  when I could scarcely walk 
My aunt s old disappointment is set right  now   She is godmother
to a real living Betsey Trotwood  and Dora  the next in order  says
she spoils her 

There is something bulky in Peggotty s pocket   It is nothing
smaller than the Crocodile Book  which is in rather a dilapidated
condition by this time  with divers of the leaves torn and stitched
across  but which Peggotty exhibits to the children as a precious
relic   I find it very curious to see my own infant face  looking
up at me from the Crocodile stories  and to be reminded by it of my
old acquaintance Brooks of Sheffield 

Among my boys  this summer holiday time  I see an old man making
giant kites  and gazing at them in the air  with a delight for
which there are no words   He greets me rapturously  and whispers 
with many nods and winks   Trotwood  you will be glad to hear that
I shall finish the Memorial when I have nothing else to do  and
that your aunt s the most extraordinary woman in the world  sir  

Who is this bent lady  supporting herself by a stick  and showing
me a countenance in which there are some traces of old pride and
beauty  feebly contending with a querulous  imbecile  fretful
wandering of the mind   She is in a garden  and near her stands a
sharp  dark  withered woman  with a white scar on her lip   Let me
hear what they say 

 Rosa  I have forgotten this gentleman s name  

Rosa bends over her  and calls to her   Mr  Copperfield  

 I am glad to see you  sir   I am sorry to observe you are in
mourning   I hope Time will be good to you  

Her impatient attendant scolds her  tells her I am not in mourning 
bids her look again  tries to rouse her 

 You have seen my son  sir   says the elder lady    Are you
reconciled  

Looking fixedly at me  she puts her hand to her forehead  and
moans   Suddenly  she cries  in a terrible voice   Rosa  come to
me   He is dead   Rosa kneeling at her feet  by turns caresses her 
and quarrels with her  now fiercely telling her   I loved him
better than you ever did    now soothing her to sleep on her
breast  like a sick child   Thus I leave them  thus I always find
them  thus they wear their time away  from year to year 

What ship comes sailing home from India  and what English lady is
this  married to a growling old Scotch Croesus with great flaps of
ears   Can this be Julia Mills 

Indeed it is Julia Mills  peevish and fine  with a black man to
carry cards and letters to her on a golden salver  and a
copper coloured woman in linen  with a bright handkerchief round
her head  to serve her Tiffin in her dressing room   But Julia
keeps no diary in these days  never sings Affection s Dirge 
eternally quarrels with the old Scotch Croesus  who is a sort of
yellow bear with a tanned hide   Julia is steeped in money to the
throat  and talks and thinks of nothing else   I liked her better
in the Desert of Sahara 

Or perhaps this IS the Desert of Sahara  For  though Julia has a
stately house  and mighty company  and sumptuous dinners every day 
I see no green growth near her  nothing that can ever come to fruit
or flower   What Julia calls  society   I see  among it Mr  Jack
Maldon  from his Patent Place  sneering at the hand that gave it
him  and speaking to me of the Doctor as  so charmingly antique  
But when society is the name for such hollow gentlemen and ladies 
Julia  and when its breeding is professed indifference to
everything that can advance or can retard mankind  I think we must
have lost ourselves in that same Desert of Sahara  and had better
find the way out 

And lo  the Doctor  always our good friend  labouring at his
Dictionary  somewhere about the letter D   and happy in his home
and wife   Also the Old Soldier  on a considerably reduced footing 
and by no means so influential as in days of yore 

Working at his chambers in the Temple  with a busy aspect  and his
hair  where he is not bald  made more rebellious than ever by the
constant friction of his lawyer s wig  I come  in a later time 
upon my dear old Traddles   His table is covered with thick piles
of papers  and I say  as I look around me 

 If Sophy were your clerk  now  Traddles  she would have enough to
do  

 You may say that  my dear Copperfield  But those were capital
days  too  in Holborn Court  Were they not  

 When she told you you would be a judge   But it was not the town
talk then  

 At all events   says Traddles   if I ever am one   
 Why  you know you will be  

 Well  my dear Copperfield  WHEN I am one  I shall tell the story 
as I said I would  

We walk away  arm in arm   I am going to have a family dinner with
Traddles   It is Sophy s birthday  and  on our road  Traddles
discourses to me of the good fortune he has enjoyed 

 I really have been able  my dear Copperfield  to do all that I had
most at heart   There s the Reverend Horace promoted to that living
at four hundred and fifty pounds a year  there are our two boys
receiving the very best education  and distinguishing themselves as
steady scholars and good fellows  there are three of the girls
married very comfortably  there are three more living with us 
there are three more keeping house for the Reverend Horace since
Mrs  Crewler s decease  and all of them happy  

 Except    I suggest 

 Except the Beauty   says Traddles    Yes   It was very unfortunate
that she should marry such a vagabond   But there was a certain
dash and glare about him that caught her   However  now we have got
her safe at our house  and got rid of him  we must cheer her up
again  

Traddles s house is one of the very houses   or it easily may have
been   which he and Sophy used to parcel out  in their evening
walks   It is a large house  but Traddles keeps his papers in his
dressing room and his boots with his papers  and he and Sophy
squeeze themselves into upper rooms  reserving the best bedrooms
for the Beauty and the girls   There is no room to spare in the
house  for more of  the girls  are here  and always are here  by
some accident or other  than I know how to count   Here  when we go
in  is a crowd of them  running down to the door  and handing
Traddles about to be kissed  until he is out of breath   Here 
established in perpetuity  is the poor Beauty  a widow with a
little girl  here  at dinner on Sophy s birthday  are the three
married girls with their three husbands  and one of the husband s
brothers  and another husband s cousin  and another husband s
sister  who appears to me to be engaged to the cousin   Traddles 
exactly the same simple  unaffected fellow as he ever was  sits at
the foot of the large table like a Patriarch  and Sophy beams upon
him  from the head  across a cheerful space that is certainly not
glittering with Britannia metal 

And now  as I close my task  subduing my desire to linger yet 
these faces fade away   But one face  shining on me like a Heavenly
light by which I see all other objects  is above them and beyond
them all   And that remains 

I turn my head  and see it  in its beautiful serenity  beside me 

My lamp burns low  and I have written far into the night  but the
dear presence  without which I were nothing  bears me company 

O Agnes  O my soul  so may thy face be by me when I close my life
indeed  so may I  when realities are melting from me  like the
shadows which I now dismiss  still find thee near me  pointing
upward 





End of the Project Gutenberg Etext of David Copperfield  by Charles Dickens

